Abby’s View Table: Whose F&FW Curvy Couch?

Now she’s gone. Who will rule the F&FW curvy couch? Yes, sadly, today, the sexy short-lived former queen of Fox & Friends Weekend, good girl Abby Huntsman Tweeted, “It’s official! Thrilled to return to where it all began for me @abcnews …never dreamt back then I’d one day join @theviewabc table.” Now, the question is what lovely royal will be given Abby’s crown and scepter to reign on the F&FW curvy couch after her untimely abdication.

Probably, the hottest F&FW co-host was the comely Kiran Chetry; the naughtiest, perhaps, was Juliet Huddy (who always smilingly blushed when the blonde heard her show intro’d by Playboy Playmate Jenny McCarthy, saying, “Yes, the drapes match the rug”), and the strangest transmogrifying one, Alisyn Camerota, a sexy, smart gal who later “woke” to another whole new world–CNN.

Regrettably, the sexy, sharp Puerto Rican Five siren Kimberly Guilfoyle left FNC under some less than flattering accusations. And, strangely, the leggy lovely Nicole Petallides left her FBN:AM fans without an explanation but, happily, she still graces the screen as a reporter for FBN. Molly Line seems to be a possibility since she seems to be getting more air time on FNC on shows such as Outnumbered as of late: Formerly, she oft guest co-hosted F&FW when the suits were seemingly trying to transition Aly out–without success.

So, who should be the next F&FW queen? If it were up to the author, FNC would bring back Nepalese goddess Kiran Chetry: The former F&FW & America Morning co-host has the killer looks, personality, and smarts to arouse her F&FW fans to a fabulous morning. (She’s done her time, and she has been loyal to the network and her fans.) If not Kiran, Nicole would be awesome on the curvy couch as the brainy, famously leggy Greek beauty who will waken F&FW viewers with a jolt of pulchritudinous femme fatale java.

Nevertheless, the author believes that the odds favor Rachel Campos-Duffy who has begun to occupy the center seat lately on both Fox & Friends and Fox & Friends Weekend. She’s a lovely lady who came to the public’s consciousness as a cast member on MTV’s The Real World: San Francisco before becoming a regular guest co-host of The View–and she’s the wife of Rep. Sean Duffy (R-WI). Like former F&FW co-anchor Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Survivor contestant (the predecessor of Anna Kooiman, who was the predecessor of Abby), Rachel starred in her own reality series and she has political connections like Abby Huntsman (whose dad is the current Ambassador to Russia).

Stay tuned.

 

Smitten Ainsley Sexes It Up

For People Magazine’s “Sexiest Vet.” Yesterday, Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt was very demure for her fans but she finally showed some skin for her hunky guest, veterinarian Dr. Evan Antin. Yes, that South Carolina Southern belle was clearly smitten.

As Ainsley opened the show in the first hour, she tugged repeatedly at the hem of her dress–four times (a double tug, for good measure), to be exact–to make sure that it virtually hugged her knees. And, she demurely did so for almost the entirety of the show until she interviewed her beefcake eye candy [vid]: Then, she gladly bared her gorgeous gams for Dr. Antin, chyronned “‘Sexiest Vet Alive’: People Magazine Picks Out Hot Doctor.” No pulling down of the hem then: Perhaps, even a flirty hike!

The irony is that it was really no big deal. The Ainsley of old was never one shy of flaunting her sexy stems: But, when she joined F&F as its official co-anchor, she said that she could not fill very family-friendly Elisabeth Hasselbeck‘s shoes but she certainly seemed to try her best to follow in the footsteps of her predecessor who platonically deemed her co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade “brothers.” Likewise, Ainsley has seemed to try to tamp down the sexual tension that characterized F&F with “Foxes” E. D. Hill and Gretchen Carlson (not to mention guest co-hosts like Kiran Chetry, Alisyn Camerota, and Anna Kooiman) and their co-anchors Steve and Brian (who famously once swatted Aly’s lovely derriere).

For the reader who whines that Fox & Friends is strictly “NEWS,” s/he should remember that it is not. As the current senior executive vice president of FNC Bill Shine apprised the NYT, F&F “falls under the network’s entertainment umbrella and does not pretend to be straight news.” To whit, F&F is edutainment: Get the news with a fun, flirty twist to start your morn!

 

Ainsley’s Dream: F&F Finally

A month later: Too banal for breakfast or just right? Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt has definitely paid her FNC dues: As Glamour.com chronicles, Ainsley did overnight shifts on weekends; updates on the hour on weekday shows, e.g., Hannity; a short-lived stint as co-anchor of Fox & Friends Weekend; and, most recently, co-anchor of Fox & Friends First. And, finally, Ainsley landed her dream job, co-host of Fox & Friends.

But, now, Ainsley has to show her mettle: She has to prove that she has what it takes to successfully co-host cable news morning champ Fox & Friends. Previously, Ainz failed to do so when she co-anchored F&F Weekend with fellow tyros Clayton Morris and Dave Briggs: As faithful FNC viewers may well remember, former F&FW co-host and FNC utility player Alisyn Camerota had to return to the show to right the F&FW listing ship and to show the boys the ropes. After her subsequent stint as co-host of Fox & Friends First, hopefully, Ainsley has learned what tack to take: If she falters this time, at least,  she has seasoned veterans Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade on whom to fall back.

Even though Ainsley may not be the sharpest knife in the F&F drawer, she does seem to be one of the sweetest seasonings in the cupboard. Lately, the Southern belle has seemed to almost ape [split infinitive intended] her predecessor counterpart Northerner Elisabeth Hasselbeck. A little too saccharine for the author’s taste–not too mention a mite too modest post her brief Fox & Friends Weekend gig: But, she does seem to have the best of intentions to make Ailes proud and her viewers happy.

Sex it up, Ainsley! Don’t let the boys be the main reason that your viewers tune in in the morning. That’s never a good thing!

F&F Fox Ainz: Feels the Love

Elisabeth: “Congratulations…can’t wait to see u shine!” Coronated today as Fox & Friends latest queen, Ainsley Earhardt was feeling the love from her female friends and colleagues. Predecessors Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Gretchen Carlson and frequent fill-in Anna Kooiman congratulated her heartily and/or offered their friendly advice. Furthermore, The Five co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle and On the Record anchor Greta van Susteren weighed in for good measure.

Early this afternoon, Elisabeth Tweeted, “Congratulations to my #SisterInChrist & #SweetFriend @ainsleyearhardt on the @foxandfriends news!! This #CBO can’t wait to see you shine!” Offering her encouragement and a helpful hint, Gretchen added, “Congrats to my friend @ainsleyearhardt on being new @foxandfriends host-u will be great! Always set 3 alarms!” Frequent fill-in F&F co-host (and F&FW permanent co-host) Anna Kooiman who seemed to have a real shot at the F&F weekday spot graciously chimed, “Congratulations @ainsleyearhardt on the @foxandfriends hosting gig! It’s a good one!!”

On The Five, co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle announced Ainz’s new position on the F&F weekday curvy couch and added, “We’re super excited for her: There’s isn’t a person in the building that isn’t happy for her….This was always your dream….Congratulations.” On On the Record, anchor Greta Van Susteren exclaimed, “I am thrilled for Ainsley. And, I am also thrilled for her co-hosts, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade….[C]ongratulations to Ainsley on the new gig!”

Break a leg, Ainsley!

H/t J$P re The Five vid.

Ainsley: F&F’s New Fox

Earhardt: “I am…thrilled to join Steve and Brian on the curvy couch.”  Fox & Friends viewers were tipped off early this morning that changes were afoot by regular F&F fill-in co-host, Anna Kooiman: As the show began today with her in the center seat (with Tucker Carlson and Pete Hegseth), she  cryptically remarked, “Good morning! We’re all visiting the couch this morning!” (After Elisabeth Hasselbeck left the F&F curvy couch, Anna has usually greeted her F&F viewers with her name as if she might be the future queen of the weekday curvy couch).

According to a press release today by FNC, Ainsley Earhardt has been named the new co-anchor of Fox & Friends and she will make her debut as the official co-host on Leap Day, 2016 (February 29). FNC Chairman & CEO Roger Ailes declared, “Ainsley’s relentless work ethic, congeniality, and enthusiasm for connecting with our viewers…are extremely refreshing. She’s a superb team player and an excellent on-air host.” As for Ainsley, she declared, “I am grateful for this opportunity and am thrilled to join Steve [Doocy] and Brian [Kilmeade] on the curvy couch to deliver Americans their morning news.”

It has been a remarkable ride for Ainsley in her Fox & Friends odyssey.

Ainsley made her debut on Fox & Friends Weekend as a guest co-host in February 2008. On February 28, 2008 (almost 8 years to the date of her future debut as queen of the F&F curvy couch), Ainsley apprised the author that she was just filling in and that FNC would announce changes when they were final: Even though the lovely got into hot water initially with FNC brass for being honest and straightforward with this viewer in various missives, the chastened Southern belle did finally take the reins at F&F Weekend with fellow newbie co-hosts, Dave Briggs and Clayton Morris by her side. But Ainsley’s tenure was short-lived as her callow boys needed a surer hand to guide the F&FW ship, namely, Alisyn Camerota (who had sailed those waters before as F&FW co-anchor).

But, Ainsley has stayed the course: And, she has always been there when Ailes needed her. Ainz has been a cheerful and ready fill-in co-host for Fox & Friends weekday, and she has happily served as Fox & Friends First co-anchor with Heather Childers. She has paid her dues, and Ailes has now rewarded her.

And, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Ainsley’s predecessor hardily approves: She Tweeted, “Congratulations to my #SisterInChrist & #SweetFriend @ainsleyearhardt on the @foxandfriends news!! This #CBO can’t wait to see you shine!”

Congratulations, Ainsley!!

H/t: Motownman, Chris Ariens, and Johnny Dollar (J$P).

Anna: “I’m Happy for the Opportunity”

Kilmeade: “You’re doing great!” Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Anna Kooiman does double duty and the Fox & Friends weekday boys seem to like it. Today, Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy opened the show, remarking, “Brian [Kilmeade], you know, you and I took off over the weekend, and she’s still here!”

Grinning Puckishly as ever, Brian replied, “It’s unbelievable!”

Smiling sweetly, Steve replied, “Anna has worked about twenty straight days. God bless her!”

Flattered, a chagrined Anna chuckled, “No, it hasn’t been that long! I’m happy for the opportunity! Thanks for having me on the couch!”

Aptly, Brian answered, “Yeah, you’re doing great!”

Indeed, Anna has been doing great as the “girl in the middle” on the F&F curvy couch as of late: And, she seems to be ready to take the reins without any real competition.

But, if Anna does take Elisabeth Hasselbeck‘s erstwhile spot on the F&F curvy couch, the obvious question is who will replace the vivacious blond beauty in the F&FW center seat.

Since Anna is reigning on both the F&F and F&FW curvy couches rather than having subs, e.g., Nicole Petallides, Kimberly Guilfoyle, etc., help her out, one begins to wonder if the FNC suits are waiting for F&F First co-anchor Ainsley Earhardt to return from maternity leave and to retake her old spot on the F&F Weekend curvy couch to ease the transition for Anna from the weekend to the weekday.

Between opinionated alpha male Tucker Carlson and peevish beta male Clayton Morris, Ainsley just might be that next sweet Southern belle that can continue to make F&FW work.

Elisabeth Out: Anna In?

Fox & Friends: A new year, a new blond beauty? Former Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck has left the F&F building: Will F&F Weekend co-anchor Anna Kooiman take her place on the curvy couch? She certainly seems to have the edge. On the day after Elisabeth abdicated her F&F throne tearfully, Anna seized the queen’s center seat joyfully. Tomorrow, on the real first F&F day of year (after the holidays), Anna will reign anew on the curvy couch between Fox & Friends kings, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade.

Whether Anna will be officially crowned the new queen of the Fox & Friends curvy couch remains to be seen. If she is so elevated, her vacancy on the F&FW throne may well be filled with blasts from the past. Just this weekend, former frequent F&FW guest co-anchor Molly Line made a rare appearance Saturday and erstwhile F&FW co-host Juliet Huddy seemed likewise to audition Sunday. However, whilom F&FW co-anchor Ainsley Earhardt would seem to be best positioned to regain her place on the F&FW curvy couch from her perch on the Fox & Friends First leg chairs after she returns from maternity leave.

Let the F&F fun begin!

Elisabeth’s Tearful Farewell

Hasselbeck: “This hurts!” Today, Fox & Friends co-anchor Elisabeth Hasselbeck said  a painful goodbye to her co-hosts, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade; the F&F crew; and her fans after a mere two plus years on the curvy couch. The three hours of F&F today were replete with homages to Elisabeth from the likes of Judge Andrew Napolitano, Governor Chris Christie, and GOP front runner Donald Trump. And, Elisabeth was effusive in her praise for, of course, the boss Roger Ailes, for her co-hosts Steve and Brian, and seemingly for every Tom, Dick, and Harry who works for F&F. It was vintage Elisabeth: sweet, cloying so, and seemingly sincere.

The author wishes her well in her position as CBO, i.e., Chief Breakfast Officer, of the Hasselbeck household. Speaking of which, it seems odd, in retrospect, that her own family, hubby Tim and the kids, seemed to have taken a backseat to her work family of Steve, Brian, newsreader Heather Nauert, meteorologist Maria Molina, and the F&F crew today. The faithful F&F fan might have hoped to hear not only her fond farewells to her F&F fam (and fans) today but also a dear, sweet welcome back to full-time work as Hasselbeck CBO from her eagerly awaiting hubs and kiddos–on screen or even on the phone this morn. Alas, it was not to be.

Elisabeth, even though you initially seemed to the author to be an odd choice to follow the footsteps of E.D. Hill and Gretchen Carlson, you have earned your place on the curvy couch–as a sister to Steve and Brian rather than the sexy siren to her couch mates. Much success in the future, Elisabeth!

[Author’s aside: The subtitle, infra, is a quote from Elisabeth re her departure in the final moments of the first F&F segment this morning. F&F – 12/22/15 (@ 6:10 a.m. ET).]

F&F’s Hasselbeck Out: Who’s In?

“I’m just waiting on a Friend!” Today, FNC announced that Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck is on her way out and that she is expected to exit the early morn cable news champ in late December according to “Variety” magazine. Elisabeth, F&F fans barely knew you!

Only two years ago (September 16, 2013), sexy Survivor celeb and The View’s erstwhile conservative co-anchor Elisabeth became the belle of the ball, replacing flirty 1989 Miss America beauty, Gretchen Carlson, who never really seemed to quite click with her male co-hosts, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade. In contrast, Elisabeth was the sweet married hottie that put her boys on the curvy couch on notice from the start that she considered them brothers.

To the author who has followed F&F since the days of E. D. Donahey (a/k/a E. D. Hill), Elisabeth seemed like such a sweet, sincere soul that he could not easily snark or snipe at her–even when she became mawkish and maudlin. Nevertheless, she seemed like an odd choice for F&F‘s then EVP of Programming Bill Shine over the much beloved Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Alisyn Camerota who oft held court from the center seat on the weekend curvy couch when Gretchen was away. Of course, the long-time F&F fan was not overly surprised since Shine had similarly overlooked E. D.’s obvious successor, the smart, sexy, and charismatic F&FW co-anchor Kiran Chetry.

Perhaps, Shine will bring back comely Kiran: But, it is somewhat doubtful in light of the manner that Kiran was reportedly dismissed. If he is not ready to bring Kiran back into the fold, perchance, he will consider Aly who was always there for him on F&F First, F&F Weekend, and F&F weekday (as a sub, especially during the big news special editions). If Shine wants to stay with the Fox stable, he may want to consider Greek goddess Nicole Petallides who brings sexy back on FBN:AM on a daily basis (as F&FF once did).

[Author’s aside: Best of luck, Elisabeth! Hopefully, you will enjoy much joy, peace, success with the fam in the present and in your career in the future.]

Beefcake Brian: Bare Chested!

Elisabeth: “I’m not looking!” Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade proved Thursday that FNC does not just provide viewers cheesecake with its news but, on occasion, a bit of beefcake. Why not give guys and gals a little levity to ameliorate the gravity of the Presidential campaign, the threat of ISIS, etc.?

In a fashion segment featuring Bookatailor.com [in which the men’s custom clothing company brought their auto and the F&F male co-hosts’ pre-ordered custom suits to the Fox News patio] on the FNC patio, co-anchors Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade teased their femme fans with the possibility of Playgirl exposure.* Pointing to a partitioned corner of the patio to help introduce the piece, Steve declared, “We’re going to get dressed behind this black curtain. On the other side of the black curtain is a window to the Green room: the people in the Green room, much like an aquarium, will watch Brian and I get dressed. Chiming in, Brian responded, “Right! Steve, I’m also worried about people who are looking down from the twenty-six flights.”

As the F&F guys changed, co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck began to interview the Bookatailor.com rep: However, the F&F boys wanted their attention. From behind the black curtain, Steve exclaimed, “Hey, Elisabeth! Elisabeth, the people in the Green Room are looking at us!” Racily, Elisabeth remarked, “Well, what are they seeing right now?”

Heading toward the black curtain, Elisabeth asked, “How’s the progress? You need me to take any of your clothes out?” As Steve and Brian handed her their clothes through the parted curtains, a shirtless Brian could be seen putting on his white dress shirt. Looking at the camera reassuringly, Elisabeth smiling asserted, “I’m not looking!”

But F&F viewers were. For some of us, it was not the most welcome sight: But, for others, it may well have been. Now, to paraphrase that icon Wendy’s phrase, “Where’s the cheesecake?”

*Fox & Friends – 11/05/15 (6:33 a.m. ET).

 

Kilmeade’s “Man” Fail

Brian: “I kinda of failed at the manhood thing….I’m a man in training.” Indeed! Where was Steve Doocy? In an incredible display of ineptness at basic “masculinity” this morning, Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade showed his lack of the basic knowledge of how to change a tire. Hilarious!

In a segment with Derrick Van Orden, the author of Book of Man: A Former Navy Seal’s Guide to the Lost Art of Manhood, Brian and guest co-anchor Scott Brown were given the simple task of changing a tire to prove that they were real men ostensibly for co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck. As Scott began to jack up the car, Brian enthusiastically began to take off the lug nuts as if he were in a pit crew for an Indy race. Instead of loosening the lug nuts before Scott raised the car enough to take the tire off, Brian pulled all of them off except one before Scott had jacked the auto up and stabilized it. Suddenly, the car lurched forward and the jack began to fall: As Brian inexplicably tried to remove the tire, which would have resulted in the car hitting the ground unceremoniously and, possibly injuring him and others, the Navy SEAL aptly intervened, saying, “Stop what you’re doing; let it down; the jack has fallen.”

Ever waggish, Brian intoned, “This is why I have a triple “A” (AAA) card!”

Thankfully!

[Author’s aside: Even though the author thinks that characterizing changing a tire as masculine is intrinsically sexist–the author’s sisters may well prefer that their guys do it but they certainly could do it if they so desired–Brian and Scott failed at the “man” test. Obviously, Brian and Scott should have put the car in gear or in park and put the emergency brake on first. Then, Scott should have jacked up the car a bit with the wheel still soundly in touch with the ground; Brian should have loosened the lug nuts; Scott should have jacked the auto up until the tire cleared the ground; Brian should have removed the tire; and then they could have replaced the tire.]

[Author’s aside #2: Fox & Friends posted a vid of Brian and Scott being “men” by tying a tie and tying a knot but they have not posted the one of the epic “man” fail by the guys.]

Elisabeth’s Freudian Slip: Waterboarding?

Hasselbeck’s strange formula for Boston Marathon murderer: It is yet to be determined whether Dzhokhar [Tsarvaev] deserves to breathe another two atoms of hydrogen and one of oxygen.” Today, Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck seemed to have a Freudian slip while berating Rolling Stone for its failure to update its readers on the fate of their former cover boy, now convicted Boston Marathon murderer Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

During a segment subtitled, “Rolling Stone Silence: Web Coverage of Tsarvaev Verdict Missing,” Elisabeth’s F&F co-anchor Brian Kilmeade incredulously proclaimed, “Well they [Rolling Stone] have a stripe there just for breaking news: I don’t care what it is, where it is; It’s a “Breaking News” stripe. It never made the “Breaking News” stripe!”*

Agitated, Elisabeth exclaimed, “No, they have not updated as of yet: We’ve been checking throughout the night and this morning. Still no update on that story and whether Dzhokhar deserves to breathe another two atoms of hydrogen and one of oxygen! It is yet to be determined by the journey, jury.”

Elisabeth, there is no option to waterboard a terrorist under the current President. And, even if there were one, Dzhokhar needs no “enhanced interrogation”: He has been convicted.

No worries, Elisabeth: You can now take that deep breath–of oxygen.

*Fox & Friends – 04/09/15 (@ 8:33 a.m. ET)

[Author’s aside: For that errant truant who skipped chemistry class, the formula of water is H20.]

F&F’s Faux Pas: New “Popped Culture”

Elisabeth: “We’re going to take a look at the lighter side of celebrity news and our first story is an update on actor Harrison Ford’s condition.” Yes, Fox & Friends’ co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck so introduced FNC marketing veep Michael Tammero‘s brand new segment “Popped Culture” this morning.* Sorry, Calista!

In response to Elisabeth’s strange segue, Michael intoned, “Three weeks after crashing his plane into a California golf course, Harrison Ford is out of the hospital: The seventy-two-year-old actor reported spotted driving in Los Angeles. Ford not in the clear just yet: The crash left him with serious head wounds as well as a broken ankle and pelvis which he will likely need therapy for.”

Apparently, Ford’s wife Calista Flockhart did not see her hubby’s accident as “the lighter side of celebrity news”: Purportedly, she has forbidden him to fly his own plane again. If the reader views this graphic photo of Ford after his accident (via PerezHilton.com), s/he may agree with the former FOX femme fatale Ally McBeal.

“Popped Culture”: A recovering broken cinematic icon “the lighter side of celebrity news”? Not quite, Elisabeth!

[Author’s aside: Perhaps, F&F‘s copy editor was on spring break in Panama City with Ainsley Earhardt and the rest of Hannity‘s wayward crew (“Spring break 2015 exposed in Panama City Beach” vid): Tammero’s next story on the birth of Carrie Underwood‘s baby had a picture of her newborn subtitled, “Bundle of Joy: Carried (sic) Unerwood (sic) Shares First Pic of Baby.”]

*Fox & Friends – 03/30/15 (@ 6:37 a.m. ET).

CNN’s Mommy Kyra Disses FNC “Super Sperm” Daddy?

Phillips: “I love my husband [FNC’s John Roberts] but this man got me pregnant!” On Wednesday, CNN anchor Kyra Phillips appeared on Fox & Friends with her adoring “hubby” FNC correspondent John Roberts to hawk her new book The Whole Life Fertility Plan. On Friday, Kyra ditched her “boyfriend” JD on her own network CNN’s morning show, New Day, to appear with the man who she credited with getting her gravid.

On Wednesday (vid), Kyra played to the Fox News audience and curvy couch co-anchors Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Steve Doocy, and Brian Kilmeade at the start of her segment, declaring, “You know, I’ve been trying to get on Fox for about ten years: And, as soon as I said, ‘I’m writing about my husband’s super sperm,’ bam, I was booked!” Explaining how she finally came to the decision to get pregnant, she disclosed that she had basically come to her wits end as a woman “approaching forty” who “was going through this horrible divorce,” who “had lost everything” in her home after a pipe burst upstairs,’ and who, while sitting on her stoop thought, ‘Oh, my god…this, this is it; I don’t have a family; [and] I don’t have children.” Gushing over her adoring “hubby,” she declared, “And, thank goodness, I met this wonderful man! After a period of time…he was open to going to fertility.”

On Friday, Kyra had a whole new sales pitch to plug her book to the ND curvy divan viewers and ND (and former FNC anchor Alisyn Camerota): Ditch her lover, and hook up with the doctor who made it all possible.* As she began the segment, Kyra iterated her F&F spiel saying, “I had spent my whole life working on my career, and then all of a sudden, there I was in Iraq covering the war: I was going through a horrible divorce; I came home–my house had flooded because a pipe burst upstairs; I had nothing; and I was sitting on my porch thinking, ‘Oh, my god, it’s never going to happen; and I had a huge anxiety attack.” Pointing to her fertility doctor and co-author of her book, Kyra exclaimed, “And, so, thank god for Jamie!” Giggling, she bawdily declared, “I like to say, ‘I love my husband but this man got me pregnant!”

Kyra’s Canuck “super sperm” JD was F&F “Friendly” Wednesday: But, on New Day, he was NSFW!

*New Day – 01/31/15 (@ 8:48 a.m. ET).

[Author’s aside: The author refers to John as “hubby” and “boyfriend” interchangeably, supra, because his marital relationship with Kyra seems uncertain: In a Huffington Post interview (05/25/11), he said, “There’s no plan for a wedding. I call her my wife, she refers to me as her husband….at our age, fiancee just doesn’t sound right.”]

Kilmeade: NY Daily News’ “Doocy Diss”

Steve disses back: I’m going to tell you what really happened! Yesterday, Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy was not amused by the New York Daily News account of his stay at the Sanctuary Hotel during the recent snow “blizzard.” New York city slickers, this Kansas boy is no “fly-over-country” rube!

Yesterday, after a debunked Politico story on likely Presidential GOP candidate Governor Mike Huckabee, on cue, F&F co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck remarked, “Now, what about this Daily News thing?…They were picking on you. Let’s explain!”*

Elucidating, Steve answered, “It’s another story in the New York Daily News: I picked it up this morning and I was surprised to read [it]. Part of it was true: It said that [co-anchor] Brian [Kilmeade], Elisabeth, and I stayed…at the Sanctuary Hotel on the snow night which is true.”…So, anyway, I’m going to tell you what really happened!”

Elaborating, Steve said, “At dinner that night, I said to Elizabeth, ‘I’m having trouble controlling the light. And, she said, ‘Did you put your card in the wall?’ And, I said, ‘What?'” Continuing, he added that Elisabeth said [that] it was one of those green energy rooms and that you had to do that.

Coming to Steve’s defense eagerly, Elisabeth asserted, “I found out the hard way ’cause I actually walked in: Some lights were on–it was a little dim; the TV was playing some music but I couldn’t get anything else on. So, I thought it was motion sensor [sic]: So, I started dancing in my room, trying to get the lights on! Then, I…saw the little thing where you put your card in.”

Chiming in (in a “fair and balanced” fashion), Brian declared, “I was briefed at the desk.”

Elisabeth replied, “I had no idea!”

In response, Steve exclaimed, “See, nobody told me at the desk! On the way out, I told the concierge, I said, “Hey, by the way, when people check in, you should tell them, ‘you got to put your room key in the wall’–which is crazy, it’s like starting a car, or the room doesn’t work completely right.”

Interjecting (for viewers who had not read the poop on Steve), Elisabeth asked, “But, what was the headline this morning then?”

Illuminating, Steve said, “It said in the Daily News…[that]…I spent the night in the dark because I could not figure out the smart lights. That’s not true! When I walked in, the lights were on, the television was on, the heater was on. And, then it said [that] I thought the blizzard knocked the power which was not true because the lights were on….I knew the lights weren’t knocked out!”

For emphasis,  Steve added, “So, when you read the gossip pages and you go ‘wow,’ could that stuff possibly be true, in this case, no!” And, in a final shot at, perchance, the inaptly named Sanctuary Hotel, Steve acerbically added, “Anyway, don’t talk to the concierge at the Sanctuary Hotel: Blabbermouth!”

*Fox & Friends – 01/30/15 (@ 6:10 a.m. ET).

[Author’s aside: Re the title, Brian deemed the Daily News gossip about Steve the “Doocy Diss” at the start of the show. (@ 6:01 a.m. ET).]

Aly New ND Anchor: “Thrilled!”

Camerota finally gets her weekday morning gig! CNN anchor Alisyn Camerota confirmed today that she is replacing Kate Bolduan as New Day co-host with Chris Cuomo. Tweeting a link to the Wrap report of the ND shakeup, Aly exclaimed, “Thrilled!” And, so are Aly’s fans.

As Aly’s acolytes remember well, Fox & Friends Weekend‘s savior and three-time co-anchor and frequent Fox & Friends fill-in was inanely overlooked when F&F co-host Gretchen Carlson left F&F weekday for her own show The Real Story, and Aly lost the coveted job to then FNC outsider, Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Soon after this strange snub by FNC SVP of Programming Bill Shine, FTVLive rightly reported that Aly was headed to CNN. When she did indeed, she debuted on CNN Tonight as a co-host with Don Lemon in a her usual sure-footed fashion yet as an awkward counterpart to Don.

Almost six months later to the very day, Aly will reportedly make her official debut in the morn as the new ivory queen of New Day. (Her ebony counterpart will be Michaela Pereira who was promoted to ND co-host with Aly and Chris according to the Wrap.)

Hopefully, Aly will be encouraged to show her lighter side in the CNN morn in a way that her former F&FW co-anchor and CNN precursor, comely Kiran Chetry, was never allowed to do fully, unfortunately (as co-host of CNN’s erstwhile American Morning): If CNN ever really wants to compete with the Fox & Friends juggernaut, it must abandon its too oft aloof, elitist approach to the news and extend a more welcoming, personal touch to its audience.

Congratulations, Aly! You deserve your new role as New Day co-host: It’s FNC’s loss and CNN’s gain. Game on!

[Author’s aside: According to the Wrap, Kate will co-anchor This Hour with John Berman at 11:00 a.m. ET. Confirming the change, Kate Tweeted, “End of this month. New Time slot. Hope you can join us at 11a.]

F&F: SENATOR Brown Breaks Bad

“They just call me Scott.” The “cool” whilom GOP senator that took Dem lion “Ted Kennedy’s seat” took his seat on the curvy couch this morning. The former Cosmo nude pinup and its “America’s Sexiest Man” brought levity and gravity to the F&F set today as a holiday guest co-host fill-in for Steve Doocy. On one hand, “Senator Scott Brown” reminded viewers that he had infamously told supporters that his sexy daughters Ayla and Arianna were available at his U. S. Massachusetts Senatorial acceptance speech: On the other, the retired Army National Guard colonel tutored a guest on Army contractor liability.

On the fun side, the MA Senator revealed that he was familiar with the U.S. Senate etiquette police who insisted that the boys had to wear socks even if the female Senators were able to flash some ankle. Furthermore, in an F&F “Meet Scott“ segment [that showed footage of “Scott” jamming with Cheap Trick onstage (vid)], he exclaimed, “It was one of the highlights of my life playing with Rick Nielson, being pulled out of the crowd and playing with Cheap Trick!”

Understandably, F&F guest co-anchor Clayton Morris referred to Brown as “Senator” and F&F co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck called him Colonel. But, if Senator and/or Colonel Scott Brown is going to make it on the curvy couch, he will have to be just Scott: “Senator” or “Colonel” is fine for a guest but it is unacceptable for a real “Friend.”

Welcome to the curvy couch, Senator. Since you are scheduled to back on F&F tomorrow, maybe, the author  should say, “Welcome to the curvy couch, Scott!”

[Author’s aside: Re the subtitle, supra, in the opening “A block” introducing Senator Scott Brown to the F&F fans, the “Senator” said, “Kids, you know how it goes, but they just call me ‘Scott’ certainly.”]

Update: Perchance, Scott read Carpe Diem: When he returned to F&F the very next day (12/30/14), he was welcomed back to the curvy couch by Elisabeth as “Senator Brown”: He replied, “Just call me, Scott, guys!”

Post-Op Elisabeth Returns

Hasselbeck: “No additions: only removals!” Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck returned to the curvy couch Friday with much fanfare. In his pre-show tease, guest co-host Eric Bolling altered the usual tagline, saying, “Mornings are better with ‘Friends’ and Elisabeth.” Subsequently, as the camera panned in on Elisabeth, Eric, and co-anchor Steve Doocy, Steve sweetly intoned, “Studio E as in Elisabeth Hasselbeck.”

Kissing Elisabeth on the cheek, Steve queried, “You are back!…Where have you been?”

Elisabeth jested, “You know, just hanging out! That’s all!”

Turning serious, she answered, “Look…I’m so glad and thankful, really thankful to be back with all of you.” Elaborating, she said, “I had a bit of scare….I had a tumor [size of a tennis ball]* in my abdomen….Doctor said, ‘Look, you got to get it out by the end of the month: We don’t like how it looks.’ Explicating further, she said, “I did what they said….I had a scary week where we didn’t know what the results were but I’m okay….I had the blessing of it not being cancer….I got a clear and clean bill of health.”

Chiming in, Eric remarked, “So many prayers for you!” As he and Steve held her hand, Elisabeth responded, “I’m sorry my palms are sweaty but I know you guys love me like a sister [so] you understand.” Put the icing on the segment [pun intended], Steve asked, “You know what would make you happy right now? Cake!”

As one of the crew brought in a cake festooned in red, white, and blue, Steve exclaimed, “It’s a news channel so we got a cake from somebody in the news, Cake Boss.” Cooing, Elisabeth, responded, “Oh, and my favorite colors….Thank you, Cake Boss.” Bringing some snark to militate slightly against any treacle, Eric jibed, “Wherever you are!”

Concluding the segment, Elisabeth tearfully declared, “I don’t like a fuss: you know that! But, this is, this is a special day: I’m really, really thankful. I’m really thankful!” Subsequently, she thanked FNC honcho Roger Ailes for his support and threatened to “whipping on” co-host Brian Kilmeade anew “in some obstacle courses” after she healed. Perchance, addressing any Internet rumors, she playfully pointed to her breasts, proclaimed, “No additions, only removals happened while I was gone!”

“Clear and clean”: glad you are well, Elisabeth! Welcome back!

*F&F – 11/14/14 (@ 7:01 a.m. ET).

Hasselbeck: I’m Still Here!

“Ever thankful to be a part of @foxandfriends.” Today, Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck set the record straight: She’s still the queen of the curvy couch–no matter what fans of her recent fill-ins Anna Kooiman, Ainsley Earhart, or Kimberly Guilfoyle may want.

Seizing the opportunity that every holiday affords the Twitter user to say whatever is foremost in her mind, Elisabeth proclaimed, “Ever Thankful to be a part of @foxandfriends and @FoxNews Family – where every day is #VeteransDay #ThankYouVeterans #USA.” In other words, I support the veterans and what they have sacrificed for me and the nation, AND I am still in the center seat on the curvy couch, girlfriends–and viewers.

Even the Fox & Friends fan who can barely stomach Elisabeth’s priggish paean to The View by constantly dubbing her co-anchors, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade, “brothers” (vis-a-vis a more randy approach a la E. D. Hill or Gretchen Carlson) should root for Elisabeth’s speedy recover from the surgery that she had about a month ago. However, they can be forgiven for wondering why Elisabeth has taken her time returning to the vaunted curvy couch. Approximately a month ago (October 15), Steve announced, “In case, you were wondering where Elisabeth is today…she had some surgery yesterday and she’s going to be out for a couple of weeks, and Brian reassuringly remarked, “In a short time, she’ll be back on the set.”

Happy Veterans Day indeed to those who have served this great country and her citizens! And, get well soon, Elisabeth!

Doocy: Elizabeth “Had Some Surgery”

“She’s going to be out for a couple of weeks.” Where has Elisabeth Hasselbeck been? Today, Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy revealed the reason for his co-anchor’s disappearance this morning. However, he was not fully forthcoming.

After welcoming The Five co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle to the center seat on the curvy couch, Steve disclosed the secret of Elisabeth’s absence to the F&F audience, saying, “In case, you were wondering where Elisabeth is today and this week, well, she had some surgery yesterday and she’s going to be out for a couple of weeks.”* Reassuringly, he added, “But, she’s doing just fine [and] she’s on the mend.”

Chiming in, F&F co-anchor Brian Kilmeade elaborated, “But, as you know if you watch the show, she is strong, she is tough, and a better athlete than me. We heard from her last night and she said she is feeling good: So, in a few, in a short time, she’ll be back on the set.”

Notably, neither Steve nor Brian revealed the nature of Elisabeth’s surgery. Perhaps, they both are waiting on Elisabeth herself to do so if, in fact, she decides to do so. Nevertheless, her fans doubtlessly wish the new queen of the F&F curvy couch a full recovery and a swift return.

*Fox & Friends – 10/15/14 (@ 6:01 a.m. E.T.).