Posts Tagged ‘Brian Kilmeade’

Steve Doocy: “Please laugh!”

February 4, 2016

Jeb Bush: “Please Clap!” This morning, Fox & Friends seemed to signal the end of the Jeb Bush candidacy to be the Presidential standard barrier for the GOP. Not that “JEB!” necessarily needed the hint.

Today, F&F seemed to indicate Bush 3 was toast–as if anyone else needed to know, too. At the bottom of the first F&F hour, producers aired a segment of “The Tonight Show” Jimmy Fallon ridiculing Bush scion “JEB!” as someone who “still knows how to work a crowd.”* In the painful snippet, Jeb said, “I think the next President needs to be a lot quieter but send a signal that we’re prepared to act in the national security interests of this country: To get back in the business of creating a more peaceful world. Please clap!”

After Fallon bowled over in laughter in the clip after the Bush bumble, he derisively remarked, “For the love of God, can I get a, like an awkward cough, anything, a nod? Can you move? Come on!”

When the camera returned to co-host Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and co-host Sandra Smith, Steve deadpanned, “Boy, that was funny! Please laugh!”

Ducking his head sheepishly, Brian replied, “Right!” Chiming in, Sandra exclaimed, “Uncomfortable!” Coming to the defense of the brother of his sometimes golfing buddy, 43, Brian stammered, “Well, look! In some polls, he’s as high as uh, uh second place in New Hampshire.”

Incredulous, Steve retorted, “Really? What polls?”

Smiling unconvincingly, Brian replied, “He’s coming up!”

Chiding Steve for his frankness, a smiling Sandra chided, “Now! Now!”

Poor JEB! When his only defense is from Kilmeade, a “W” acolyte a la former White House press secretary Dana Perino of The Five, things are not looking up for the Bush dynasty. Or, the GOP establishment.

“Please clap!,” or, “please laugh”! That’s the divide of the GOP–and the FNC.

*Fox & Friends – 02/04/16 (@ 6:32 a.m. ET).

 

Anna: “I’m Happy for the Opportunity”

January 18, 2016

Kilmeade: “You’re doing great!” Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Anna Kooiman does double duty and the Fox & Friends weekday boys seem to like it. Today, Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy opened the show, remarking, “Brian [Kilmeade], you know, you and I took off over the weekend, and she’s still here!”

Grinning Puckishly as ever, Brian replied, “It’s unbelievable!”

Smiling sweetly, Steve replied, “Anna has worked about twenty straight days. God bless her!”

Flattered, a chagrined Anna chuckled, “No, it hasn’t been that long! I’m happy for the opportunity! Thanks for having me on the couch!”

Aptly, Brian answered, “Yeah, you’re doing great!”

Indeed, Anna has been doing great as the “girl in the middle” on the F&F curvy couch as of late: And, she seems to be ready to take the reins without any real competition.

But, if Anna does take Elisabeth Hasselbeck‘s erstwhile spot on the F&F curvy couch, the obvious question is who will replace the vivacious blond beauty in the F&FW center seat.

Since Anna is reigning on both the F&F and F&FW curvy couches rather than having subs, e.g., Nicole Petallides, Kimberly Guilfoyle, etc., help her out, one begins to wonder if the FNC suits are waiting for F&F First co-anchor Ainsley Earhardt to return from maternity leave and to retake her old spot on the F&F Weekend curvy couch to ease the transition for Anna from the weekend to the weekday.

Between opinionated alpha male Tucker Carlson and peevish beta male Clayton Morris, Ainsley just might be that next sweet Southern belle that can continue to make F&FW work.

Elisabeth Out: Anna In?

January 3, 2016

Fox & Friends: A new year, a new blond beauty? Former Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck has left the F&F building: Will F&F Weekend co-anchor Anna Kooiman take her place on the curvy couch? She certainly seems to have the edge. On the day after Elisabeth abdicated her F&F throne tearfully, Anna seized the queen’s center seat joyfully. Tomorrow, on the real first F&F day of year (after the holidays), Anna will reign anew on the curvy couch between Fox & Friends kings, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade.

Whether Anna will be officially crowned the new queen of the Fox & Friends curvy couch remains to be seen. If she is so elevated, her vacancy on the F&FW throne may well be filled with blasts from the past. Just this weekend, former frequent F&FW guest co-anchor Molly Line made a rare appearance Saturday and erstwhile F&FW co-host Juliet Huddy seemed likewise to audition Sunday. However, whilom F&FW co-anchor Ainsley Earhardt would seem to be best positioned to regain her place on the F&FW curvy couch from her perch on the Fox & Friends First leg chairs after she returns from maternity leave.

Let the F&F fun begin!

Elisabeth’s Tearful Farewell

December 22, 2015

Hasselbeck: “This hurts!” Today, Fox & Friends co-anchor Elisabeth Hasselbeck said  a painful goodbye to her co-hosts, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade; the F&F crew; and her fans after a mere two plus years on the curvy couch. The three hours of F&F today were replete with homages to Elisabeth from the likes of Judge Andrew Napolitano, Governor Chris Christie, and GOP front runner Donald Trump. And, Elisabeth was effusive in her praise for, of course, the boss Roger Ailes, for her co-hosts Steve and Brian, and seemingly for every Tom, Dick, and Harry who works for F&F. It was vintage Elisabeth: sweet, cloying so, and seemingly sincere.

The author wishes her well in her position as CBO, i.e., Chief Breakfast Officer, of the Hasselbeck household. Speaking of which, it seems odd, in retrospect, that her own family, hubby Tim and the kids, seemed to have taken a backseat to her work family of Steve, Brian, newsreader Heather Nauert, meteorologist Maria Molina, and the F&F crew today. The faithful F&F fan might have hoped to hear not only her fond farewells to her F&F fam (and fans) today but also a dear, sweet welcome back to full-time work as Hasselbeck CBO from her eagerly awaiting hubs and kiddos–on screen or even on the phone this morn. Alas, it was not to be.

Elisabeth, even though you initially seemed to the author to be an odd choice to follow the footsteps of E.D. Hill and Gretchen Carlson, you have earned your place on the curvy couch–as a sister to Steve and Brian rather than the sexy siren to her couch mates. Much success in the future, Elisabeth!

[Author’s aside: The subtitle, infra, is a quote from Elisabeth re her departure in the final moments of the first F&F segment this morning. F&F – 12/22/15 (@ 6:10 a.m. ET).]

F&F’s Hasselbeck Out: Who’s In?

November 23, 2015

“I’m just waiting on a Friend!” Today, FNC announced that Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck is on her way out and that she is expected to exit the early morn cable news champ in late December according to “Variety” magazine. Elisabeth, F&F fans barely knew you!

Only two years ago (September 16, 2013), sexy Survivor celeb and The View’s erstwhile conservative co-anchor Elisabeth became the belle of the ball, replacing flirty 1989 Miss America beauty, Gretchen Carlson, who never really seemed to quite click with her male co-hosts, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade. In contrast, Elisabeth was the sweet married hottie that put her boys on the curvy couch on notice from the start that she considered them brothers.

To the author who has followed F&F since the days of E. D. Donahey (a/k/a E. D. Hill), Elisabeth seemed like such a sweet, sincere soul that he could not easily snark or snipe at her–even when she became mawkish and maudlin. Nevertheless, she seemed like an odd choice for F&F‘s then EVP of Programming Bill Shine over the much beloved Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Alisyn Camerota who oft held court from the center seat on the weekend curvy couch when Gretchen was away. Of course, the long-time F&F fan was not overly surprised since Shine had similarly overlooked E. D.’s obvious successor, the smart, sexy, and charismatic F&FW co-anchor Kiran Chetry.

Perhaps, Shine will bring back comely Kiran: But, it is somewhat doubtful in light of the manner that Kiran was reportedly dismissed. If he is not ready to bring Kiran back into the fold, perchance, he will consider Aly who was always there for him on F&F First, F&F Weekend, and F&F weekday (as a sub, especially during the big news special editions). If Shine wants to stay with the Fox stable, he may want to consider Greek goddess Nicole Petallides who brings sexy back on FBN:AM on a daily basis (as F&FF once did).

[Author’s aside: Best of luck, Elisabeth! Hopefully, you will enjoy much joy, peace, success with the fam in the present and in your career in the future.]

Clayton & Anna Pulled Again

November 15, 2015

Kilmeade: “Special @foxandfriends.” Today, Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchors Clayton Morris and Anna Kooiman were pulled again from the curvy couch Sunday morning. Explaining the absence of the two F&FW co-hosts before the show began, Fox & Friends weekday co-host Brian Kilmeade Tweeted, “Looking forward @ working w/ & on special all over the world focusing on @ISIS & FRANCE.” I.e., no worries, viewers, the big boys and the big gals remain in charge on Fox & Friends Weekend: When things settle down in the world, Clayton and Anna will be back.

F&FW’s Clayton & Anna Pulled

November 14, 2015

Jon & Kimberly join Tucker to form the Fox & Friends Weekend “A-Team” Saturday. Co-hosts Clayton Morris and Anna Kooiman were pulled from the F&FW Saturday lineup this morning in the wake of the horrific terrorist attacks on France Friday evening (local time) that left 127 dead and 200 others injured (99 in critically condition). In their stead, F&FW substituted more seasoned FNC veterans, Happening Now co-host Jon Scott and Five co-anchor and guest co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle. Notably, today Tucker got to stay in the game. [Two years ago (04/20/13), after the capture of the last of the Boston Marathon bomber brothers, Tucker and Clayton both were temporarily demoted on F&FW (Saturday) in favor of FNC heavyweights Brian Kilmeade and–yes, dear reader–the very same Jon Scott: Perhaps, to Clayton and Tucker’s chagrin, their then F&FW ace co-anchor Alisyn Camerota aptly stayed in the game.]

At the end of weekday Fox & Friends yesterday, Clayton and Anna promoted their then upcoming F&FW Saturday with promises of guest appearances of “one of the premier psychics in the world, Laura Lynne Jackson” and of Santa Claus. Concluding the show, a smiling and waving Anna sweetly declared, “Bye, everybody! See you dark and early tomorrow!” But, it was not to be: Clayton and Anna had to leave the field.

When there is explosive hard news to cover, F&FW knows full well that they need to go to their “A Team.” And, today they did–with Jon and Kimberly. But, there is still hope for tech geek Clayton and alluring lovely Anna to make F&FW‘s “A-Team”: After all, Tucker got his call today.

Beefcake Brian: Bare Chested!

November 6, 2015

Elisabeth: “I’m not looking!” Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade proved Thursday that FNC does not just provide viewers cheesecake with its news but, on occasion, a bit of beefcake. Why not give guys and gals a little levity to ameliorate the gravity of the Presidential campaign, the threat of ISIS, etc.?

In a fashion segment featuring Bookatailor.com [in which the men’s custom clothing company brought their auto and the F&F male co-hosts’ pre-ordered custom suits to the Fox News patio] on the FNC patio, co-anchors Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade teased their femme fans with the possibility of Playgirl exposure.* Pointing to a partitioned corner of the patio to help introduce the piece, Steve declared, “We’re going to get dressed behind this black curtain. On the other side of the black curtain is a window to the Green room: the people in the Green room, much like an aquarium, will watch Brian and I get dressed. Chiming in, Brian responded, “Right! Steve, I’m also worried about people who are looking down from the twenty-six flights.”

As the F&F guys changed, co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck began to interview the Bookatailor.com rep: However, the F&F boys wanted their attention. From behind the black curtain, Steve exclaimed, “Hey, Elisabeth! Elisabeth, the people in the Green Room are looking at us!” Racily, Elisabeth remarked, “Well, what are they seeing right now?”

Heading toward the black curtain, Elisabeth asked, “How’s the progress? You need me to take any of your clothes out?” As Steve and Brian handed her their clothes through the parted curtains, a shirtless Brian could be seen putting on his white dress shirt. Looking at the camera reassuringly, Elisabeth smiling asserted, “I’m not looking!”

But F&F viewers were. For some of us, it was not the most welcome sight: But, for others, it may well have been. Now, to paraphrase that icon Wendy’s phrase, “Where’s the cheesecake?”

*Fox & Friends – 11/05/15 (6:33 a.m. ET).

 

Kilmeade: “I Never Came Home to a Parent!”

June 30, 2015

Brian: “Luckily, I stayed out of trouble!” On Fox & Friends this morning, co-host Brian Kilmeade revealed that he was a “latchkid” as a fatherless teen.

In a segment with Hollywood legend Arnold Schwarznegger, who was promoting his latest cine, Terminator Genisys; two upcoming sequels to Conan and Twins; and “The After School All-Stars” program to help kids with homework, music, arts, etc.), Brian embraced his latter efforts, especially, enthusiastically. Emotionally, he remarked, “For me personally, my mom had to work: My dad passed away when I was in ninth grade. I never came home to a parent.” Poignantly, he explicated, saying, “So, I led soccer…half the year: the other, it was unscripted. Concluding, Brian exclaimed, “Luckily, I stayed out of trouble!”

Brian, your F&F fans are glad you, did! Good work, Arnold. And, Kudos, Mrs. Kilmeade!

*Fox & Friends – 06/30/15 (@ 8:27 a.m. ET).

Kilmeade’s “Man” Fail

May 26, 2015

Brian: “I kinda of failed at the manhood thing….I’m a man in training.” Indeed! Where was Steve Doocy? In an incredible display of ineptness at basic “masculinity” this morning, Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade showed his lack of the basic knowledge of how to change a tire. Hilarious!

In a segment with Derrick Van Orden, the author of Book of Man: A Former Navy Seal’s Guide to the Lost Art of Manhood, Brian and guest co-anchor Scott Brown were given the simple task of changing a tire to prove that they were real men ostensibly for co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck. As Scott began to jack up the car, Brian enthusiastically began to take off the lug nuts as if he were in a pit crew for an Indy race. Instead of loosening the lug nuts before Scott raised the car enough to take the tire off, Brian pulled all of them off except one before Scott had jacked the auto up and stabilized it. Suddenly, the car lurched forward and the jack began to fall: As Brian inexplicably tried to remove the tire, which would have resulted in the car hitting the ground unceremoniously and, possibly injuring him and others, the Navy SEAL aptly intervened, saying, “Stop what you’re doing; let it down; the jack has fallen.”

Ever waggish, Brian intoned, “This is why I have a triple “A” (AAA) card!”

Thankfully!

[Author’s aside: Even though the author thinks that characterizing changing a tire as masculine is intrinsically sexist–the author’s sisters may well prefer that their guys do it but they certainly could do it if they so desired–Brian and Scott failed at the “man” test. Obviously, Brian and Scott should have put the car in gear or in park and put the emergency brake on first. Then, Scott should have jacked up the car a bit with the wheel still soundly in touch with the ground; Brian should have loosened the lug nuts; Scott should have jacked the auto up until the tire cleared the ground; Brian should have removed the tire; and then they could have replaced the tire.]

[Author’s aside #2: Fox & Friends posted a vid of Brian and Scott being “men” by tying a tie and tying a knot but they have not posted the one of the epic “man” fail by the guys.]

Camerota Gets Naked– Yet Again!

May 25, 2015

Aly Cat: Rowrr! Today, sexy New Day anchor Alisyn Camerota provided her male admirers with a view that they will relish. A Playboy spread? Not quite. But, she did show some skin–the sight of her naked ring finger this morning.

Lest Aly’s amorous acolytes get too excited, she has gone bare before. After an unexplained two-month absence from her then show Fox & Friends Weekend, she similarly doffed her connubial bling when she appeared as a Fox & Friends Friday guest co-host: Of course, Loverboy was performing “Everybody’s Working for the Weekend” that Friday for F&F’s 2011 “All-American Summer” concert series that day and the bohemian hottie was ready to party (vid). A few years later, (01/04/14), Aly was at it again as she flashed her tanned nude marital ring finger to her acolytes when she guest co-anchored America’s News HQ.

Now, Aly has changed networks from the irreverent cable news ratings champ network Fox News to the more staid 24/7 cable news pioneer. Now, her hemline often drops too low and her neckline rises too high. But, she is still giving her fans the finger–not the mean one.

“Naked Aly”: It has a certain seductive ring to it. For her fervent votaries, it resounded all the more today. Rowrr: Aly Cat is back–at least, for today!

 [Author’s aside: Re Aly Cat, “ages ago,” when Aly guest co-hosted a segment with Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade on F&F about with what animal the co-anchors identified most, Aly purred, “Cat.” (For curious F&F fans, Steve answered, “Unicorn,” and Brian declared, “Lion.”)]

Kelly Zings Kilmeade

May 14, 2015

Kelly: Well that changes everything…It’s all forgiven! On the Kelly File tonight, Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade got his head handed to him on a platter by none other than FNC colleague and no-nonsense anchor Megyn Kelly. In the latest of their engaging segments (on Deflategate this evening), Brian opined about New England Patriot quarterback Tom Brady’s contumacious reaction to the NFL’s suspension of him for four games, the self-acknowledged “Deflator,” and Patriot owner Bob Kraft. Even though Brian expressed skepticism about Brady who reportedly failed to turn over his text messages, he seemed to give Kraft a pass–and a sop.

As Megyn grilled Brian about Deflategate, Brian mentioned that the “Deflator” Patriot ball handler was actually indicating that he wanted to lose weight according to the Brady rebuttal. As they both scoffed at the account, Megyn sarcastically responded, “In particular, that works with men. Every man wants to be told that he can deflate.” Before chuckling at her ribald reply, Brian exclaimed, “Right!”

Cutting to the quick, Megyn queried, “So, you don’t feel confident about Brady’s defense?” Brian answered, “No.” Coming to Kraft’s defense immediately and almost instinctively, Brian responded, “But, I will say this. Bob Kraft is the owner of the team, a great guy: He watches the show: He’s a huge fan of yours. And, I feel bad because I don’t want to be Stephanopoulos.”

Derisive of Brian’s attempt to ingratiate her into obeisance, Megyn declared, “Well, that changes everything!…Why didn’t you tell me that? It’s all forgiven! Never mind, they’re being railroaded.”

Unfortunately, as usual, Brian impulsively comes anew to the defense of Kraft, the owner of the Patriots who have been implicated in both Spygate and Deflategate. But, as usual, Megyn brooks no such bias from friend or foe. Megyn Kelly: Kicking butt even if it is F&F‘s Brian Kilmeade!

Elisabeth’s Freudian Slip: Waterboarding?

April 9, 2015

Hasselbeck’s strange formula for Boston Marathon murderer: It is yet to be determined whether Dzhokhar [Tsarvaev] deserves to breathe another two atoms of hydrogen and one of oxygen.” Today, Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck seemed to have a Freudian slip while berating Rolling Stone for its failure to update its readers on the fate of their former cover boy, now convicted Boston Marathon murderer Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

During a segment subtitled, “Rolling Stone Silence: Web Coverage of Tsarvaev Verdict Missing,” Elisabeth’s F&F co-anchor Brian Kilmeade incredulously proclaimed, “Well they [Rolling Stone] have a stripe there just for breaking news: I don’t care what it is, where it is; It’s a “Breaking News” stripe. It never made the “Breaking News” stripe!”*

Agitated, Elisabeth exclaimed, “No, they have not updated as of yet: We’ve been checking throughout the night and this morning. Still no update on that story and whether Dzhokhar deserves to breathe another two atoms of hydrogen and one of oxygen! It is yet to be determined by the journey, jury.”

Elisabeth, there is no option to waterboard a terrorist under the current President. And, even if there were one, Dzhokhar needs no “enhanced interrogation”: He has been convicted.

No worries, Elisabeth: You can now take that deep breath–of oxygen.

*Fox & Friends – 04/09/15 (@ 8:33 a.m. ET)

[Author’s aside: For that errant truant who skipped chemistry class, the formula of water is H20.]

CNN’s Mommy Kyra Disses FNC “Super Sperm” Daddy?

January 31, 2015

Phillips: “I love my husband [FNC’s John Roberts] but this man got me pregnant!” On Wednesday, CNN anchor Kyra Phillips appeared on Fox & Friends with her adoring “hubby” FNC correspondent John Roberts to hawk her new book The Whole Life Fertility Plan. On Friday, Kyra ditched her “boyfriend” JD on her own network CNN’s morning show, New Day, to appear with the man who she credited with getting her gravid.

On Wednesday (vid), Kyra played to the Fox News audience and curvy couch co-anchors Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Steve Doocy, and Brian Kilmeade at the start of her segment, declaring, “You know, I’ve been trying to get on Fox for about ten years: And, as soon as I said, ‘I’m writing about my husband’s super sperm,’ bam, I was booked!” Explaining how she finally came to the decision to get pregnant, she disclosed that she had basically come to her wits end as a woman “approaching forty” who “was going through this horrible divorce,” who “had lost everything” in her home after a pipe burst upstairs,’ and who, while sitting on her stoop thought, ‘Oh, my god…this, this is it; I don’t have a family; [and] I don’t have children.” Gushing over her adoring “hubby,” she declared, “And, thank goodness, I met this wonderful man! After a period of time…he was open to going to fertility.”

On Friday, Kyra had a whole new sales pitch to plug her book to the ND curvy divan viewers and ND (and former FNC anchor Alisyn Camerota): Ditch her lover, and hook up with the doctor who made it all possible.* As she began the segment, Kyra iterated her F&F spiel saying, “I had spent my whole life working on my career, and then all of a sudden, there I was in Iraq covering the war: I was going through a horrible divorce; I came home–my house had flooded because a pipe burst upstairs; I had nothing; and I was sitting on my porch thinking, ‘Oh, my god, it’s never going to happen; and I had a huge anxiety attack.” Pointing to her fertility doctor and co-author of her book, Kyra exclaimed, “And, so, thank god for Jamie!” Giggling, she bawdily declared, “I like to say, ‘I love my husband but this man got me pregnant!”

Kyra’s Canuck “super sperm” JD was F&F “Friendly” Wednesday: But, on New Day, he was NSFW!

*New Day – 01/31/15 (@ 8:48 a.m. ET).

[Author’s aside: The author refers to John as “hubby” and “boyfriend” interchangeably, supra, because his marital relationship with Kyra seems uncertain: In a Huffington Post interview (05/25/11), he said, “There’s no plan for a wedding. I call her my wife, she refers to me as her husband….at our age, fiancee just doesn’t sound right.”]

Kilmeade: NY Daily News’ “Doocy Diss”

January 30, 2015

Steve disses back: I’m going to tell you what really happened! Yesterday, Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy was not amused by the New York Daily News account of his stay at the Sanctuary Hotel during the recent snow “blizzard.” New York city slickers, this Kansas boy is no “fly-over-country” rube!

Yesterday, after a debunked Politico story on likely Presidential GOP candidate Governor Mike Huckabee, on cue, F&F co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck remarked, “Now, what about this Daily News thing?…They were picking on you. Let’s explain!”*

Elucidating, Steve answered, “It’s another story in the New York Daily News: I picked it up this morning and I was surprised to read [it]. Part of it was true: It said that [co-anchor] Brian [Kilmeade], Elisabeth, and I stayed…at the Sanctuary Hotel on the snow night which is true.”…So, anyway, I’m going to tell you what really happened!”

Elaborating, Steve said, “At dinner that night, I said to Elizabeth, ‘I’m having trouble controlling the light. And, she said, ‘Did you put your card in the wall?’ And, I said, ‘What?'” Continuing, he added that Elisabeth said [that] it was one of those green energy rooms and that you had to do that.

Coming to Steve’s defense eagerly, Elisabeth asserted, “I found out the hard way ’cause I actually walked in: Some lights were on–it was a little dim; the TV was playing some music but I couldn’t get anything else on. So, I thought it was motion sensor [sic]: So, I started dancing in my room, trying to get the lights on! Then, I…saw the little thing where you put your card in.”

Chiming in (in a “fair and balanced” fashion), Brian declared, “I was briefed at the desk.”

Elisabeth replied, “I had no idea!”

In response, Steve exclaimed, “See, nobody told me at the desk! On the way out, I told the concierge, I said, “Hey, by the way, when people check in, you should tell them, ‘you got to put your room key in the wall’–which is crazy, it’s like starting a car, or the room doesn’t work completely right.”

Interjecting (for viewers who had not read the poop on Steve), Elisabeth asked, “But, what was the headline this morning then?”

Illuminating, Steve said, “It said in the Daily News…[that]…I spent the night in the dark because I could not figure out the smart lights. That’s not true! When I walked in, the lights were on, the television was on, the heater was on. And, then it said [that] I thought the blizzard knocked the power which was not true because the lights were on….I knew the lights weren’t knocked out!”

For emphasis,  Steve added, “So, when you read the gossip pages and you go ‘wow,’ could that stuff possibly be true, in this case, no!” And, in a final shot at, perchance, the inaptly named Sanctuary Hotel, Steve acerbically added, “Anyway, don’t talk to the concierge at the Sanctuary Hotel: Blabbermouth!”

*Fox & Friends – 01/30/15 (@ 6:10 a.m. ET).

[Author’s aside: Re the title, Brian deemed the Daily News gossip about Steve the “Doocy Diss” at the start of the show. (@ 6:01 a.m. ET).]

Naughty Nauert’s First Kiss

January 25, 2015

Heather and Jamie sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Thursday, Fox & Friends newsreader Heather Nauert revealed her first kisser and where they did it. After a “Shot of the Morning” viral video of a little boy describing his “mind-blowing” first kiss, waggish F&F co-anchor Brian Kilmeade tossed to Heather, saying, “Here to describe her first kiss, Heather Nauert!”*

Gamely, Heather grinned and pointed upward, responding, “In a tree house!”

Not expecting her eager revelation, Brian exclaimed, “Oh! In a tree house? Fantastic!”

Elaborating unabashedly, Heather replied, “Yeah! The guy contacted me on Facebook a few years ago!”

Chiming in mischievously, co-host Steve Doocy, queried, “With?”

Unashamedly, Heather answered, “Jamie Evans.” Waving through the camera to her first beau, Heather exclaimed, “Hi, there, Jamie!”

F&F: Fox & Friends. F&F Thursday (with Heather): fox & fun!

*Fox & Friends – 01/22/15 (@ 6:34 ET).

 

Post-Op Elisabeth Returns

November 16, 2014

Hasselbeck: “No additions: only removals!” Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck returned to the curvy couch Friday with much fanfare. In his pre-show tease, guest co-host Eric Bolling altered the usual tagline, saying, “Mornings are better with ‘Friends’ and Elisabeth.” Subsequently, as the camera panned in on Elisabeth, Eric, and co-anchor Steve Doocy, Steve sweetly intoned, “Studio E as in Elisabeth Hasselbeck.”

Kissing Elisabeth on the cheek, Steve queried, “You are back!…Where have you been?”

Elisabeth jested, “You know, just hanging out! That’s all!”

Turning serious, she answered, “Look…I’m so glad and thankful, really thankful to be back with all of you.” Elaborating, she said, “I had a bit of scare….I had a tumor [size of a tennis ball]* in my abdomen….Doctor said, ‘Look, you got to get it out by the end of the month: We don’t like how it looks.’ Explicating further, she said, “I did what they said….I had a scary week where we didn’t know what the results were but I’m okay….I had the blessing of it not being cancer….I got a clear and clean bill of health.”

Chiming in, Eric remarked, “So many prayers for you!” As he and Steve held her hand, Elisabeth responded, “I’m sorry my palms are sweaty but I know you guys love me like a sister [so] you understand.” Put the icing on the segment [pun intended], Steve asked, “You know what would make you happy right now? Cake!”

As one of the crew brought in a cake festooned in red, white, and blue, Steve exclaimed, “It’s a news channel so we got a cake from somebody in the news, Cake Boss.” Cooing, Elisabeth, responded, “Oh, and my favorite colors….Thank you, Cake Boss.” Bringing some snark to militate slightly against any treacle, Eric jibed, “Wherever you are!”

Concluding the segment, Elisabeth tearfully declared, “I don’t like a fuss: you know that! But, this is, this is a special day: I’m really, really thankful. I’m really thankful!” Subsequently, she thanked FNC honcho Roger Ailes for his support and threatened to “whipping on” co-host Brian Kilmeade anew “in some obstacle courses” after she healed. Perchance, addressing any Internet rumors, she playfully pointed to her breasts, proclaimed, “No additions, only removals happened while I was gone!”

“Clear and clean”: glad you are well, Elisabeth! Welcome back!

*F&F – 11/14/14 (@ 7:01 a.m. ET).

Hasselbeck: I’m Still Here!

November 11, 2014

“Ever thankful to be a part of @foxandfriends.” Today, Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck set the record straight: She’s still the queen of the curvy couch–no matter what fans of her recent fill-ins Anna Kooiman, Ainsley Earhart, or Kimberly Guilfoyle may want.

Seizing the opportunity that every holiday affords the Twitter user to say whatever is foremost in her mind, Elisabeth proclaimed, “Ever Thankful to be a part of @foxandfriends and @FoxNews Family – where every day is #VeteransDay #ThankYouVeterans #USA.” In other words, I support the veterans and what they have sacrificed for me and the nation, AND I am still in the center seat on the curvy couch, girlfriends–and viewers.

Even the Fox & Friends fan who can barely stomach Elisabeth’s priggish paean to The View by constantly dubbing her co-anchors, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade, “brothers” (vis-a-vis a more randy approach a la E. D. Hill or Gretchen Carlson) should root for Elisabeth’s speedy recover from the surgery that she had about a month ago. However, they can be forgiven for wondering why Elisabeth has taken her time returning to the vaunted curvy couch. Approximately a month ago (October 15), Steve announced, “In case, you were wondering where Elisabeth is today…she had some surgery yesterday and she’s going to be out for a couple of weeks, and Brian reassuringly remarked, “In a short time, she’ll be back on the set.”

Happy Veterans Day indeed to those who have served this great country and her citizens! And, get well soon, Elisabeth!

Ainsley: Ste. or Sinner?

October 22, 2014

We’re glad that you were born….[T]hat dog is trained well.” Guest co-host Ainsley Earhardt brought her Southern charms to the curvy couch again this morning. Yesterday (vid), she wished co-anchor Steve Doocy a belated happy birthday, saying, “We’re so glad [that] you were born” to the great amusement and muted derision of her co-host, New York native Brian Kilmeade, and of even the Kansan birthday boy himself. Today, the religious lovely was laughing heartily with the same boys at a bathing beauty whose dog was trying its best to take off her bikini top (to the amusement of the photog/her apparent boyfriend): She naughtily chuckled, “That dog is trained well, right? A man definitely trained that dog! That’s really cute!”*

To a non-Southerner, a birthday endearment, e.g., “We’re glad that you were born” may sound mawkish or maudlin: But, to the Southerner, it is an expression of genuine acknowledgement of another’s worth in the world or, at least, a proper birthday blandishment for one’s kith or kin. To a non-Southerner, reading the Bible, praying, and going to church and living like the devil on occasion, a la Elvis (NYT bio), Johnny Cash (Rolling Stone bio), and Jimmy Swaggart (Salon bio) may seem strange: But, to the Southerner, it is often a normal albeit improper rite of passage to the Promised Land.

For the uninitiated non-Southerner, Ainsley is either a Southern saint or sinner: For the Southerner, she can be both. Yesterday, Ainsley was happily apprising her friend Steve of how much his presence in this earthly realm has contributed to the betterment of her sphere, and, today, she was bawdily reveling in a dainty damsel’s distress as her doggie is determined to undress her for the camera. Tomorrow, is a whole new day.

Ainsley may be no Tanya Tucker: But, she just may be F&F‘s “Delta Dawn.”

Fox & Friends – 10/22/14 (@ 6:32 a.m. ET).

 

Doocy: Elizabeth “Had Some Surgery”

October 15, 2014

“She’s going to be out for a couple of weeks.” Where has Elisabeth Hasselbeck been? Today, Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy revealed the reason for his co-anchor’s disappearance this morning. However, he was not fully forthcoming.

After welcoming The Five co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle to the center seat on the curvy couch, Steve disclosed the secret of Elisabeth’s absence to the F&F audience, saying, “In case, you were wondering where Elisabeth is today and this week, well, she had some surgery yesterday and she’s going to be out for a couple of weeks.”* Reassuringly, he added, “But, she’s doing just fine [and] she’s on the mend.”

Chiming in, F&F co-anchor Brian Kilmeade elaborated, “But, as you know if you watch the show, she is strong, she is tough, and a better athlete than me. We heard from her last night and she said she is feeling good: So, in a few, in a short time, she’ll be back on the set.”

Notably, neither Steve nor Brian revealed the nature of Elisabeth’s surgery. Perhaps, they both are waiting on Elisabeth herself to do so if, in fact, she decides to do so. Nevertheless, her fans doubtlessly wish the new queen of the F&F curvy couch a full recovery and a swift return.

*Fox & Friends – 10/15/14 (@ 6:01 a.m. E.T.).


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