Kilmeade: On the Money?

Not exactly. Possibly, Fox & Friends co-anchor Brian Kilmeade tried to “coin” a new national motto this morning. Or, more probably, during a segment with guest co-hosts, Dave Briggs and Juliet Huddy (on a Florida cop whose homeowners’ organization was sanctioning him for a garage door sign that said, “God bless America,”), he simply got somewhat confused. When Dave defended the homeowners’ organization for ordering the patriotic slogan down by saying that it did not condone any statements at all, Brian countered, “Right. But, it’s on our money. I think if it’s on your money, you could probably use it on your garage, ‘God bless America.'”*

Strangely, Dave merely answered, “Yeah” and then promoted the upcoming interview with the Florida policeman. Seeming to be taken aback, Juliet started to mouth something but then sat stone-faced as she simply shook her head as if in agreement. Apparently, Brian did not even get a correction from a producer in his ear: the segment ended without any correction.

[Author’s aside: The national motto inscribed on the money of Americans? “IN GOD WE TRUST.” If the reader wants empirical evidence, pull out a coin or a dollar bill and look.]

*Fox & Friends – 08/30/10 (@7:10 a.m. ET)

“Pop Tart” Ainsley

Mike Jerrick: “Very tarty.” A fun and flirty Ainsley Earhardt returned to Fox & Friends Weekend Sunday. Joining fellow F&FW alum Mike Jerrick and current co-host Dave Briggs, the now single beautiful blond kept her mittens off a married Dave but she trifled with her similarly single Mike. In fact, Ainsley got especially playful during a story on the new Times Square Pop Tarts store and its paraphernalia.

In the Pop Tarts segment, Dave showed off various examples of the store’s wares to the audience, handing out Pop Tarts sushi to Mike to taste and Pop Tarts lip balm to Ainsley to sample.* When Mike tried the tart and reacted in disgust, Ainsley coquettishly commented, “I’ll take it, honey” as she offered Mike her hand for him to spit out the offensive ort. Then, after she had applied the lip balm to her lips, Ainsley commented, “This is good!”: turning toward Mike and puckering up, she teased, “Do you want to taste it?”

Apparently game, Mike leaned in as if to buss Ainsley on the lips but gave her a peck on the cheek instead at the last minute. Witnessing this amorous exchange between his co-anchors, Dave, his eyes widening, exclaimed, “Wow!” Meanwhile, an animated Mike exclaimed, “I love this show!” Glancing at him, Ainsley put down her lip balm in feigned disappointment and cooed, “Aw, I thought I was, I thought I was going to get a kiss this morning.”

As the segment concluded and Ainsley was about to begin reading the headlines, Mike deadpanned, “Very tarty.”

Indeed, Mike.

Fox & Friends Weekend – 08/29/10 (@7:31 a.m. ET)

Janice Dean: “I Was at a Strip Club”

“Yes, I’ve been to strip clubs.” Fox News weathergal Janice Dean, the Dancing Machine, defended the IQ’s of exotic dancers on Red Eye in the wee hours of Saturday morning.* After RE host Greg Gutfeld derided the mental acumen of ecdysiasts (during a segment on a British study showing that 25% of striptease artists have a college degree), Janice remarked, “Listen, I’m the one here to dispel the myth that strippers are dumb because I, I have met smart strippers in my lifetime.” Laughing lubriciously, she added, “Last night, for instance.”

Elaborating, Janice remarked, “This is a true story. It didn’t necessarily happen last night. But, I was at a strip club and the person next to me was getting a lapdance. The stripper was very nice. She was kind of looking at me a little bit funny, right? But, then…she kind of leaned over–this is a true story…yes, I’ve been to strip clubs–[and] she said, ‘I know you: you’re Janice Dean, the Weather Machine. I watch Fox all the time.'” Smiling, Janice concluded, “They are smart!”

Enjoying Janice’s bawdy banter, Greg comically queried, “Janice, when you go in your condition, do you have to pay twice for the lapdance? And, can pregnant women have a lapdance because I think that might be problematic?” Janice answered, “I will tell you this. I have not been to a strip club pregnant.” Goatishly, Greg jested, “Really? Have you left one pregnant?” Giggling, Janice racily responded, “No comment!”

First, Domenica Davis. Now, Janice Dean. Fox News Weathergirls Gone Wild!

*Red Eye – 08/28/10 (@3:32 a.m. ET)

The Good Shepard Hydes

FNC’s genteel Dr. Jeckyll, the good Shepard Smith, transmogrified into the hideous Mr. Hyde on Studio B but later returned to his saner self on the Fox Report. On Studio B, Shep reveled anew in the cruel Trampoline Bear video as he inserted it twice into his “Bear Alert” on an unrelated Lake Tahoe bear burglar report. However, later, when he ran the same story again on Fox Report, Shep found the decency to cut the offending frames (of the black bear crumpling under its own weight as it plunged headfirst into the hard ground) from the clip.** Just who the hell is Fox News’ Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde? Flim Flam, Bim Bam, Ole Miss, by Damn!

*Studio B – 08/25/10 (@3:55 p.m. ET)

**Fox Report – 08/25/10 (@7:28 p.m. ET)

Janice Dean: “Baby Machine 2.0”

“Hurricane Mama” returns! Fox News meteorologist Janice Dean announced that she is doing a sequel to her successful 2008 opus on America Live* Monday.* During her weather report on then Tropical Storm Danielle, Janice slyly said, “I just want to go over the Atlantic Basin names. Of course, we’ve gone through Alex, Bonnie, Colin, and Danielle. And, I just want to point out Matthew. My son’s name is Matthew.” Then, teasing her fans (who may have remembered that she had proclaimed her pregnancy with Matthew using a virtually identical Happening Now “hurricane” names backdrop),  she commented, “And, you know, Megyn, I’m just wondering. Do you see any other good boy names?” Less coyly, she continued,  “I think I’m gonna need another good boy name in the next couple of months.”

Feigning surprise, AL anchor Megyn Kelly asked, “Aw. Yay! Wait a minute. Are you just outing yourself right now?” Joyfully, Janice answered, “There, I just buried the lead. News flash for Megyn. Yep, I’m gonna have a little baby boy.” Jesting, she exclaimed, “This is not a beer belly! Okay? It used to be! Not any more.” Without prodding, Janice added, “February. Early February.”

As an aside to her audience, Megyn declared, “Now, I confess. I knew that secret but our viewers did not know our secret.” Then, in response to Janice’s initial query about a “good boy name,” Megyn joked, “I’m gonna go with Igor.” Recoiling with mock horror, Janice queried, “Can we rethink that, maybe?” Amused, Megyn riposted, “How about Earl?” Janice retorted, “Maybe, not!” Then, pointing at the AL viewers through the camera, Janice requested, “But, send us your suggestions.”

Congratulations, Janice, to you and hubby Sean!

[Author’s aside: Janice has long fostered a personal connection with her Fox News fans. She has done so successfully by readily sharing her joys (family, e.g., wedding to hubby Sean Newman, their honeymoon together, and their son Matthew’s advent birth) and her challenges (e.g., living with muscular sclerosis) with them.  As a result, the “Weather Machine,” the “Dancing Machine” and the “Baby Machine” appears to be not just a TV talking head but a real, sweet, down-to-earth Canuck.]

H/t to J$.

*(Vid via J$.)

Aly: “Here’s the Scoop”

Camerota keeps her blog: sorta. Last Sunday Fox & Friends co-host Alisyn Camerota alerted her Alisyn in the Greenroom readers that she was considering closing her blog down. After hearing from disappointed fans and receiving input from F&FW‘s favorite sloganeer Chas, Aly “relented” yesterday. In a missive to her blog devotees Saturday, Aly penned a post entitled “Here’s the Scoop.”

Initially, Aly reminded her readers that her Alisyn in the Greenroom blog had become “increasingly difficult” for her “to keep up.” Understandingly, she asserted, “Of course, given the community we’ve created here, ending it seemed wrong.”  Trying to keep her fans somewhat satisfied, she declared, “So, it appears we’ve found a solution (with a big assist from chas!).”

Subsequently, positing that it appeared that other F&F “folk” wanted somewhere to ink their “comments and insights” about the program, Aly rhetorically queried, “So…how about we convert the Aly in the Greenroom blog to an overall FOX & Friends blog?” [Explanatory aside: “Rhetorically” because Aly later stated, “I’m told our tech people will work get to work on this shortly: Expect an update next week.”] Then, offering her Alisyn in the Greenroom readers hope that she would be involved in the new FOX & Friends blog, she added, “That way I’ll still be able to check in on weekends but now so will the rest of the gang at all times.  Brilliant, no?”

Brilliant? Yes, if the new FOX & Friends blog offers fans a greater interaction with Aly and the F&F crew than they have otherwise enjoyed. Otherwise, viewers may sense that the “conversion” to the new F&F blog is a transparent ploy to end Alisyn in the Greenroom with Aly’s acolytes none the wiser.

Elam Returns to A.M.

CNN biz reporter and new mom Stephanie Elam was welcomed back Friday to American Morning from maternity leave by co-anchors Kiran Chetry and Jim Acosta. After her report on the new credit card rules, Jim remarked, “Welcome back, by the way.” A glowing Stephanie replied, “Thank you. It’s good to be back. Kiran added, “You look great!” To the AM audience, Kiran explained, “Stephanie is a new mommie so she’s back now.” (Stephanie and her husband, investment banker Jeff Rush, are now the proud parents of an almost three-month old baby girl.)

Animatedly, Stephanie answered, “Thank you. Yeah. It is very cool to have the job and the baby. It’s cool to kind of blend them.” Smiling broadly, she continued, “Obviously, I am sleep deprived but I’m happy.”

Yes, welcome back, Stephanie!

The Good Shepard?

News of great joy? Fox News’ Shepard Smith appears to have crossed over from the dark side when it comes to the Trampoline Bear video. Last Friday, the weekday Fox Report (and Studio B) anchor defended his use of the exploitative tape (of a tranquilized black bear falling from a tree onto a trampoline, being propelled high into the air, and then crashing face-first into the hard ground), saying, “You know that, that bear there didn’t get hurt.” Happily, however, this week, Shep took the higher ground, eschewing his painful “Bear Alerts” (with the “requisite” Trampoline Bear clips) in favor of more animal-friendly “Cool Critters” segments. Specifically, on Monday, he featured two newborn Taiwanese liger cubs, and, on Thursday, he showed three Aussie-adopted pet crocodiles.

Well done, Shep! “Cool Critters” indeed.

A.S.S.: F&F’s Cheeky Conclusion

“Whoop a Man’s Ass.” Fox & Friends guest co-anchor Alisyn Camerota confirmed today what some viewers have suspected about F&F’s “After the Show Show” for quite a while. I.e., its irregular acronym, “A.T.S.S.” is a sop to its more traditional viewers but with a worldly wink to its edgier ones. Ergo, it uses the unusual acronym (including the article “the”) “A.T.S.S.” for the tail end of its show for its family-friendly fans, knowing that its obvious meaning will not be lost on its more irreverent audience.

Before the “A.T.S.S.,” country star Trace Adkins promoted his new album Cowboy’s Back in Town in an F&F television segment with co-hosts Alisyn Camerota, Steve Doocy, and Brian Kilmeade. After “Such an Idiot” Brian reminded Adkins that he had woefully misread his earlier CD as the letter “x” vis-a-vis “ten,” Adkins pointed to his album, saying, “Hey, look, I got a song….I don’t know if you can say the name of that.”* Reading it in part, Steve said, “It’s “Whoop a Man’s.” Jesting, Aly interjected, “After the Show Show. Yeah, it means After the Show Show.” Waggish Brian deadpanned, “You can say ass!”

Later, during the “A.T.S.S,” Steve introduced Adkins to the audience, saying that he was going to perform “Whoop a Man’s Ass.” Playfully, Adkins put his hand to his mouth and pointed to Steve in mock shock. Shrugging his shoulders, Steve exclaimed, “We’re on the Internet. I can say that! We’re the “After the Show Show.” Chiming in, Aly aptly added, “We’re the “After the Show Show” which some people call the ‘A.S.S.’ So…perfect. It’s perfect!”

*Fox & Friends – 08/20/10 (@8:42 a.m. ET)

Kiran: No “Pumpkin Peeking” Today

But, still delicious? With guest co-host T.J. Holmes back in the American Morning house today, co-anchor Kiran Chetry apparently tried to make sure that he was not again too distracted by her beautiful bronzed orbs. As loyal AM viewers may remember, during the spring of last year when Kiran and T.J. hosted AM together, one of the buttons on Kiran’s blouse became unclasped and T.J., seemingly, could not help stealing a glance: shortly thereafter, Kiran (or, perhaps, a producer) pinned it up to veil the view of her pleasing pumpkins for the rest of the show. Today, wearing a not too dissimilar buttoned red blouse, Kiran, apparently, preemptively put a black top underneath to preclude such an occurrence.

However, T.J. should not feel too bad. Only a few weeks ago, Kiran, apparently, did the same to “help” her regular co-host John Roberts keep his eyes from roving: recently, when wearing a short, sleeveless black dress with a plunging neckline, Kiran donned a red top underneath to cloak her chest. As Kiran may have well remembered, that very dress was the one that had John Roberts’ seemingly doing a sequel to his original “Pumpkin Peeking.”

Nevertheless, all was not lost for T.J. or the AM audience as to the aesthetic appreciation of the Nepalese Aphrodite. In contrast with her matronly layered top, Kiran wore a short, sexy mini showcasing her gorgeous gams. Coy, but Chetrylicious!

[Aside: To paraphrase Fergie, “Chetrylicious definition make them AM boys go loco.”]

F&FW: More Courtney & Less Aly?

Reichmuth revelation? After Fox & Friends guest co-anchor Courtney Friel read a story Sunday about a breastfeeding mom who was ousted from McDonald’s and co-host Clayton Morris subsequently tossed to him, FNC meteorologist Rich Reichmuth jested, ““I’m just wondering now with [mom-to-be] Courtney there and [new father] Clayton, how many of these breastfeeding stories are there gonna be.”* In reply, Clayton deadpanned, “We’re actually building a whole block into the show now just for breastfeeding stories.” Laughing, Rick responded, “Of course.” Chiming in, co-anchor Dave Briggs joked, “We need a sponsor!” Perchance, aptly, Rick chuckled: “I know. I believe it. It’s perfect!”

Nothing would be unusual about Rick’s remark if he had uttered it at the beginning of the three-hour program (and, if his colleagues Clayton Morris and Dave Briggs had not then so readily embraced it). However, Rick made his comment with only twenty-two minutes, including commercial breaks, left in F&FW‘s last (and Courtney’s only) show of the weekend. Clearly, Rick indicated that a gravid Courtney’s presence would facilitate those future “breastfeeding stories.” And, Clayton and Dave’s respective remarks about creating a nursing “whole block” and obtaining a breastfeeding “sponsor” added credence to his implication.

Obviously, if Rick’s “revelation” rings true and Courtney returns to F&FW on a more regular basis, she would probably go back to her former role as newsreader or replace F&FW‘s current queen Alisyn Camerota. In that vein, could Aly’s apparent decision to possibly kybosh her blog, Alisyn in the Greenroom,  and to announce it Sunday before the show possibly indicate such a more tenuous relationship to Fox & Friends Weekend. Furthermore, was Dave’s comment at the beginning of F&F Sunday that Aly was taking off “a bit more than the President’s 27 hrs, a few more days than that” more pregnant with meaning that it first appeared to be?**

Conversely, Aly has played such an important role in righting the Fox & Friends Weekend ship after the defenestration debacle (of trio Page Hopkins, Kelly Wright, and Greg Kelly) and its aftermath (Ainsley Earnhardt, Clayton, and Dave) that it seems highly unlikely that FNC SVP of Programming Bill Shine would send Aly elsewhere or allow her to leave. However, it is conceivable if Shine thinks that her erstwhile wards, Clayton Morris and Dave Briggs, have grown sufficiently to carry the show with a less able captain. But, perish the thought!

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 08/15/10 (@9:39 a.m.)

**Fox & Friends Weekend – 08/15/10 (@6:01 a.m.)

Camerota: Considers Kyboshing Blog

Blames “vitriol.” After three weeks of silence on her Alisyn in the Greenroom blog, the “vacationing” Fox & Fans Weekend co-host Alisyn Camerota wrote, “Sorry for the blog hiatus–our technical problems have yet to be worked out.” [Italics added for emphasis.] On the day after she had cheerfully Tweeted, “Heading out to the beach. Off tomorrow. Cya!,” Aly began to prepare her readers for the probable end of her Fox & Friends Weekend blog.

After her apology to her readers, Aly began, “Blogging takes more time than I usually have while I’m hosting the show.”  Less than convincingly, she explained, “And as you know, I like to give everyone a thoughtful response (ok, sometimes just a response) which has become harder on wordpress recently, plus reading or writing anything can distract from focusing on the show.” Aly concluded, “So while I figure out if i can continue to do it, if there’s no blog post, you can find me on Twitter.” Then, perhaps, giving the real reason for potentially ending her blog, she added, “I’m warming to Twitter since it cuts down on the vitriol that sadly the blog often falls victim to.” [Italics added for emphasis.]

Holding out hope, albeit faint, to her readers, she exclaimed, “But I’m open to suggestions!”

Aly fans, do not despair. Even if Aly does quit posting articles and corresponding to readers on her blog, she has begun to take Twitter more seriously. The whilom Twitter Twit has finally begun to Tweet more often on her page and to reply more regularly to her followers. Hope still lingers!

Father Morris Meddles?

Fox & Friends Weekend co-hosts: Pray together with significant other tomorrow morning? The usually nimble Father Jonathan Morris, an FNC contributor, may have gone from preaching to “meddling” this morning on F&FW. During his segment entitled “Pray Together, Stay Together” (concerning a new study published in the August edition of Journal of Marriage and Family), Father Jon noted that only 0.3% of “couples that pray together every day…end up separating.”* As he concluded his story, he pointed in turn to F&FW co-hosts, Dave Briggs, Courtney Friel, and Clayton Morris, asking, “So tomorrow morning, yes, yes, with your spouses?”

Perhaps, not expecting Father Jon to directly apply his homily to them, the three co-hosts looked rather sheepish. With widened eyes, Courtney reluctantly shook her head “yes.” Clayton, perhaps, in the most awkward position, deftly deflected the padre’s query, riposting, “I’ll be praying.” Hedging, Dave answered, “We will keep that in mind.”

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 08/15/10 (@10:24 a.m. ET)

[Aside: As to the alluded to F&FW couples, supra, Courtney is married to CNN Newsource correspondent Carter Evans; Clayton is now together with CNET anchor Natali Del Conte; and Dave is married to attorney and former Colorado Congressional candidate, Brandi Moreland Briggs.]

Dave: “Honey, Get the Nurse Outfit Out!”

“Brand[i], you’re a fine girl.” And, apparently, “what a good wife” she is to hubby Dave Briggs, co-anchor of Fox & Friends Weekend. Seemingly, away at sea for far too long, Dave was pining for his own Brandi, not the bar maid (celebrated by the group Looking Glass). When his co-host Alisyn Camerota announced that “couples [were] being invited to New York’s Times Square…[to ‘pucker up’]…today to recreate [the] iconic World War II photo of a kiss between a nurse and a U.S. sailor,” an off-camera Dave appeared more than ready as he seemed to be making kissing sounds in the background.

When Aly concluded her story, Dave saltily asked, “Do you have to dress as a nurse and a sailor? I know my wife’s on the way down but I don’t know if she has her nurse outfit handy.” Smiling, Aly racily remarked, “It may make the kiss somehow naughtier.” His interest apparently piqued, Clayton stuttered, “Get her, get her to get the nurse outfit out?” Turning to the camera, Dave randily commanded, “Honey, get the nurse outfit out!”

Then, goatishly grinning before looking down, he chuckled, “I’m not saying there is a nurse outfit but…. Putting her hand toward Dave’s forehead, Aly saucily suggested, “Dave has a temperature: it’s time for the nurse outfit.” Carnally arching his eyebrows, Clayton concluded, “Dave’s blushing. We know where that nurse outfit’s hidden.”

Brandi, with Dave’s wedding ring off of his finger today, you may want to hurry.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 08/14/10 (@9:10 a.m. ET)

Shep Defends Trampoline Bear Video

“You know that, that bear there didn’t get hurt.” Today, on Fox Report, Shepard Smith finally seemed to get it, i.e., that his Trampoline Bear video can be seen as animal cruelty. After earlier playing the exploitative clip on his Studio B,* receiving flak from the author for doing so, and seemingly suspending his Twitter account, Shep ran the Trampoline Bear footage during the Fox Report** but with the aforementioned explanatory coda.**

During Studio B, Shep Tweeted the upcoming “Bear Alert” to his followers shortly before showing it to his audience. Then, when he aired the footage of a young black bear who had had his head removed from a jar, he gleefully ran the Trampoline Bear clip (of the black bear falling from a tree, being propelled high into the ground, and crashing head-first into the ground) as usual. After the exploitative video had run, the author Tweeted, “Shep de Sade, er, Sad strikes again with his “Studio B Trampoline” bear vid.”

Shortly thereafter (and before Shep’s Fox Report aired) Shep’s Twitter page (including his Tweet, supra), strangely disappeared (“suspended”). Nevertheless, when the Fox Report ran, Shep still replayed the “Bear Alert” with the offensive Trampoline Bear footage appended thereto. However, in a later segment at the very end of the show, Shep defended his use of the clip. To wit, after a story about Disney film Bambi, Shep deadpanned, “I wonder how Bambi would like the trampoline”: then, he added, “You know that, that bear there didn’t get hurt.”***

Shep, please quit airing this exploitative video of Trampoline Bear. As your good friend and weekend counterpart, Julie Banderas, has acknowledged, it contains an element of animal cruelty and should be barred from her weekend Fox Report. Shep, just can it for good from your weekday Fox Report and your Studio B. At the very least, cut the repulsive frames of Trampoline Bear crashing face-first into the hard ground.

And, come back to Twitter!

*Studio B with Shepard Smith – 08/12/10 (@3:59 p.m. ET)
**Fox Report with Shepard Smith – 08/12/10 (@7:54 p.m. ET)
***Fox Report with Shepard Smith – 08/12/10 (@7:59 p.m. ET)

Shep de Sade: Kubrick’s Clare Quilty?

The Marquis is back! However, Studio B‘s Shepard Smith de Sade reappeared as the spent, jaded Clare Quilty as he reran his evil tired tripe, i.e., the Trampoline Bear video today. He seemed almost desperate to find anew that thrill that now eluded him and that Viagra could not even bring back. With a stone face and a monotone delivery, he announced, “Bear Alert.”*

Before polluting Fox News’ airwaves again with his favorite animal cruelty cine, he showed an adorable black bear cub chowing down on garbage in a Georgia driveway. After doing so, he cautioned, “While cute, the local sheriff is warning residents ‘do not leave food out for the bears.'” Then, as he aired once again the Trampoline Bear clip (of a black bear falling from a tree onto a trampoline, being propelled high into the air, and then crashing headfirst into the ground), Shep cackled, “And, of course, trampolines are always–ha, ha, ha, ha, ha–trampolines are always a great deterrent.”

Poor Shepard Smith was more of a sad spectacle today than even his Trampoline Bear.

Update: Perhaps, Shep changed his prescription to Cialis or Levitra after Studio B. For his Fox Report, he tried again to find his thrill and prematurely injected his “Bear Alert” at mid-show.** However, this time he seemed to, at least, fake a bit more enthusiasm as the video climaxed, as almost verbatim he repeated, “And, of course, trampolines are always an excellent deterrent.”

*Studio B with Shepard Smith – 08/12/10 (@3:59 p.m. ET)

**Fox Report with Shepard Smith – 08/12/10 (@7:29 p.m. ET)

Gretchen, Snooki, & the Senator

Carlson: “Man, I Got to Get You Some Glasses, Senator!” Less than two months ago, Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson respectfully interviewed Jersey Shore‘s Snooki, a/k/a Nicole Polizzi, on the curvy couch: specifically, she asked her about Senator John McCain’s unsolicited supportive Tweet against the tanning bed tax. Today, however, the former Miss America had a snarkier take on Snooki as to the 2008 GOP Presidential candidate’s latest flirtation with the pop culture queen.

During a first-hour headline news segment, Gretchen reported that Senator McCain had offered his opinion on Snooki’s recent (July 30) disorderly arrest.* Subsequently, F&F producers aired an audio clip from the Tim and Willy Show KLME in which McCain said, “Is Snooki too good looking to go to jail?…I’m kind of leaning towards Snooki being too good looking.” Immediately thereafter, Gretchen snarked, “Man, I got to get you some glasses, Senator!” When she did, her co-host Steve Doocy smiled and arched his eyes brows in surprise while her off-camera co-anchor Brian Kilmeade exclaimed, “Wow! Ow!” In response, she simply snorted in amusement and finished reading the Snooki story.

After that gratuitous slight, will Snooki return to Fox & Fiends’ curvy couch any time soon? On the weekday with Gretchen, probably not. However, on the weekend with Alisyn Camerota, another proud Jersey Shore Girl, it may well be a different matter altogether. N.B. Less than a month ago, Aly dubbed herself, “Snooki Camerota.”

*Fox & Friends – 08/12/10 (@6:37 a.m. ET)

Update: Mediaite.com’s Jocelyn Rousely weighs in on the strange “menage a trois” sans Gretchen.

Kyra: JD, “U Can Meet W/ the Psychologist”

John: Kyra, “And, I’ll introduce you to the anger management counselor.” Rather than showering each other with amorous pecks this morning, CNN Newsroom anchor Kyra Phillips and American Morning co-host John Roberts pecked at each other during a playful lovers spat on CNN Newsroom.

During his segment entitled “Why People Snap,” John recapped for his fiancee Kyra and her audience an earlier segment on AM of the same title with clinical psychologist Jeff Gardere and anger management counselor Janet Pfeiffer. After he did, Kyra began to discuss Pfeiffer’s technique to avoid striking out, saying, “You know it’s interesting, you’re saying that your anger management counselor said, ‘SWAT’…What is it? Stop, walk, and?”* Chuckling, John said, “Stop, walk, and talk. And, not my anger management counselor [but] the one we had on the program this morning.” Smiling and shaking her head, Kyra replied, “I was going to say that’s not mine either.”

Subsequently, Kyra compared the Pfeiffer SWAT technique and the police SWAT (special weapons and tactics) team since they are both intended to tamp down the “threat of violence or anything drastic.” When John laughed at her comparison as being incongruous, Kyra explained, “They’re not supposed to get violent, not supposed to use the weapons, okay? Just the tactics. So, you remember that SWAT.” Sweetly smiling, she continued, “I guess you and I both can practice that next time.”

Not willing to give his lady the last word, John jested, “Alright. And, I’ll introduce you to the anger management counselor.” With raised eyebrows and a serpentine smile, she acerbically riposted, “Yeah. Uh, huh. You can meet with the psychologist: You need a lot of clinical psychology.” In response to her rapier wit, a reddened John shook his head, smiled broadly, and muttered something inaudible under his breath. With John not fully in amative obeisance, Kyra coolly and saccharinely bid her beau adieu, saying, “Alright. Love you. Bye.”

*CNN Newsroom – 08/11/10 (@9:40 a.m.)

Viagra Rejuvenates F&F

Kilmeade: “Sure to get a rise out of you.” Fox & Friends co-anchors Gretchen Carlson, Brian Kilmeade, and Peter Johnson, Jr., titillated rising viewers with double entendres aplenty this morning. During F&F’s “‘Right’ to Subsidized Viagra” segment, the three got a little frisky with FBN anchor Stuart Varney.

Introducing the segment, Gretchen guffawed, “One teachers union in Milwaukee is demanding that taxpayers pony up public dollars for private business. They say they have the right to free Viagra, and they’re suing the school system to get it. Stu, this is one of those amazing stories that woke me up this morning.”*

Before Stuart could give his contrary take, a bawdy Brian interjected, “Sure to get a rise out of you.” As Gretchen snickered off-camera, an incredulous Stewart laughed, “What!” Then, he added, “Cue that sound effect.” Joining the ribald revelry, Peter jested, “No, it’s a stimulus, isn’t it?” while producers added their own purported phallic phoenix audio.

As the carnal banter began to subside, ironically, then the excitement really started as Peter roused Stuart with his seeming advocacy of the mandated coverage of the male stimulant. As Stuart bemoaned the possibility of taxpayers having to pay for Viagra for teachers based on  “gender discrimination,” Peter remarked, “They’re saying women teachers have estrogen cream. And, then men are saying, ‘We should have Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra.’ So you’re…against them?”

Stuart exclaimed, “This is not a legal issue!” Countering, Peter declared, “Well, it’s a moral issue.” Stuart conceded, “A moral issue and a financial issue.” Sounding almost facetious, Peter persisted, “Don’t you want these people to be happy, Stuart?” Stuart rejoined, “Wait a minute, I know…you’re trying to get me going. I am not rising to the bait.” Peter chuckled, “No, I’m not. Not at all.”

Later in the discussion, it really got animated between Peter and Stuart when Peter asked, “Should we be deciding what prescriptions our public teachers get?” Looking at Peter with disdain, Stuart retorted, “Are you a lawyer?” Interjecting, Brian answered, “Yes, yes, he is.” Rhetorically, Stuart replied, “He is?” Biting back, Peter queried, “Are you a doctor?” Turning to Peter, Stuart snapped, “Don’t you think that in America we’re fed up with the rule of lawyers as opposed to the rule of law?

Responding somewhat softly, Peter asked, “What about the rule of people who want to have children? What if a man can’t achieve…potency?” As Stuart stared in disbelief and scratched his head in utter bemusement, Peter continued, “No, I’m serious. Are you going to decide, Stuart Varney, what drugs our public employees get? Exasperated, Stuart riposted, “Where’s Steve!” As Brian and Gretchen screamed with laughter and the floor crew roared in amusement, a soft-spoken Peter insisted, “So, seriously.”

Viagra: bringing serious fun back to F&F fans.

*Fox & Friends – 08/09/10 (@6:39 a.m. ET)

Update: Video (via Johnny Dollar’s Place)

Shep de Sade’s Bad Boys

When the Marquis is away, the servant boys will play. And so they did yesterday. With their master away Friday, stand-ins Trace Gallagher (Studio B) and Jon Scott (Fox Report) looked like naughty school boys who had just discovered a stag film hidden in their dad’s sock drawer.

On Studio B, guest anchor Trace practically giggled with glee after he got his peek at the Trampoline Bear. After airing a “Bear Alert” about a pizza-pilfering black bear in Montana, he exclaimed, “Montana’s own bare-foot bandit is still on the loose: And, someone set a trap with pizza and a trampoline.”*  As he did, of course, the predictable Trampoline Bear clip ran (with a tranquilized black bear falling from a tree, bouncing high into the air, and crashing face first into the ground). Post-climatically, Trace beamed, “I’ve always wanted to see the video again. I love it!”

Almost four hours later, on Fox Report, a generally gentle John Scott got his guilty pleasure after he echoed Trace’s “Bear Alert.” As the pizza-pilfering bear segment concluded, Scott aired the Trampoline Bear footage. Smiling, Scott joked, “The bear is still on the run. Next time, try setting a trap with a pizza and a trampoline. Bears love trampolines, don’t you know?”**

Do they now, Jon? What a truly bad boy you are. Your master Shep will be proud but your mistress Julie surely will not.

*Studio B – 08/06/10 (3:59 p.m.)

**Fox Report – 08/06/10 (7:46 p.m.)