Archive for January, 2009

“Squirrels” 2 Sing

January 31, 2009

Apparently, Fox & Friends co-anchors Brian Kilmeade and Gretchen Carlson will finally fulfill their lost wager with F&F Weekend co-host Clayton Morris. As a segment with NY Giants running back Brandon Jacobs concluded today, Brian said, “Brandon, … because of your surprising loss to the Eagles, Gretchen and myself [sic] have to sing the Eagle fight song. Clayton interjected, “You guys have been squirreling your way out of this bet and viewers demand a response: It’s been three weeks now….I think next week pre-Pro Bowl you and Gretchen in Eagles jerseys are going to have to sing this song.” Bowing his head and smiling sheepishly, Brian responded, “Right, right.”

Finally, Clayton calls in his chips: Hopefully, no more squirreling or weaseling for Brian and Gretch.

Clayton: Aly, If U Want 2 Go Home

January 31, 2009

The Arizona Cardinal cheerleaders heated up the Fox & Friends Weekend co-hosts Dave Briggs and Clayton Morris with their live dance routine telecast from Tampa. As the foxy girls gyrated to the music, F&F co-host Dave Briggs declared, “It’s your live shot of the morning…Brian Kilmeade [covering the Super Bowl in Tampa for F&FW] officially has the greatest job on the planet.” When the camera lingered on the lovely lasses, Clayton commented, “Just keep rolling it: Aly, if you want to go home, don’t even worry.” Gamely, Alisyn Camerota answered, “Thanks, guys! I can knock off early? I really appreciate that.”

Aly, if you ditch your very wintry weekend stockings, maybe, your Doublemen won’t be as wont to wander.

“Lovely Gourd, Jeanne”

January 30, 2009

American Morning co-anchor John Roberts was channeling a naughty Kyra Phillips this morning. When Jeanne Moos ended her segment on a rejected PETA Super Bowl veggie sex ad, she suggestively blew on a phallic-shaped gourd: Laughing, Roberts ribaldly riposted, “Nice gourd, Jeanne. (Roberts seemed to be not so subtly paraphrasing Kyra Phillips “nice melons” comment to Zain Verjee in a grocery segment which was highlighted by Comedy Central comic Jon Stewart.) A smiling Kiran Chetry merely stated, “Butternut squash!”

No double entendres.

“Ricky” Reichmuth

January 30, 2009

FNC meteorologist Rick Reichmuth was playfully dubbed “Ricky” by America’s Newsroom co-anchor Bill Hemmer as Bill introduced the final weather segment today. However, when Reichmuth ended his forecast, Bill apologized, “Thanks, Rick. I didn’t mean to call you Ricky, by the way: I’m sure someone in your family calls you “Ricky.”

Unfazed, Rick responded, “Oh, everybody in my family does.” A relieved Bill replied, “Do they? That’s a term of endearment then.” Playfully roiling the waters, Megyn interjected, “Oh, now you’ve made it stick!” Ever the good guy, Bill congenially concluded, “See you, Brother: Have a good weekend.”

Randy Rush: Bikinis 4 Gretch

January 29, 2009

Today talk radio rex Rush Limbaugh had his eyes on the buxom blonde in the middle on Fox & Friends’ curvy couch. Before his two-block interview by Gretchen Carlson, Steve Doocy, and Brian Kilmeade began, Rush said, “Gretchen, you look great this morning, by the way.” The usual compliment.

However, when the final segment concluded, the conservative commentator declared, “We’ll keep the pool ready for this show Monday morning.” Gretch replied, “Alright, I look forward to it.” He randily added, “Bikinis for Gretchen.”

Gretchen chuckled, put her finger to her lips, and shushed Rush. Grinning broadly, Brian interjected, “See that was in the break, Rush, we were talking about.” Rush exclaimed, “Sometimes, the most interesting parts of the show!” Lowering her head, a somewhat abashed Gretchen replied, “[Rush], thanks for spicing it up.”

A.M.: Aesthetics Masked

January 27, 2009

With the dawn of a new presidency promising optimism to the States, American Morning’s fashion has signalled the polar opposite. As Kyra Phillips posited, the unveiling of the feminine form augurs well for an economic boon. However, after Obama’s inauguration, AM seems intent on presaging inauspicious days ahead.

Unfortunately, AM’s executive producer Janelle Rodriguez has allowed AM’s foxy trio of Kiran Chetry, Alina Cho, and Christine Romans to clad themselves in garb more befitting a funeral procession than a wedding party. Kiran has hidden her fab figure behind various distaff obfuscations, e.g., turtlenecks, slacks, and hosiery; Alina has cloaked herself diurnally in maxis (not to mention her horrid Ping-Pong-ball necklaces); and Christine has adopted the priggish attire of her business bud Gerri Willis.

Janelle, according to President Obama, America needs a stimulus package now!

Aly Bags Blago: C&K Next?

January 27, 2009

Besting her weekday Fox & Friends colleagues, Gretchen Carlson, Steve Doocy, and Brian Kilmeade, Alisyn Camerota, F&F Weekend co-anchor, bagged IL Governor Blagojevich and interviewed him on F&F this morning. The Jersey girl did not hold back: she hit him hard with tape excerpts (suggesting that he was trying to sell Obama’s Senate seat and to improperly have Chicago Tribune editors canned) and persistent follow-up questions. Even though the Italian lovely was polemically pugnacious, she fought fair and didn’t make it personal.

Like Megyn Kelly of America’s Newsroom, Aly represents Fox News at its best, i.e., fair and balanced. Camerota & Kelly! Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it, FNC?

Beckel’s Modest Proposal: Recipe 4 Poor Children

January 26, 2009

Less than a year after slighting Special Olympics athletes on Fox & Friends,* Bob Beckel today offered to sacrifice the children of the poor on America’s Newsroom. In a segment on the stimulus package, Bill Hemmer questioned Beckel about the inclusion of family planning expenditures in the proposal. Aping Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi,** Beckel brutishly brayed, “If you don’t have as many children, [for] example, in poor areas, that’s going to cost you less money.”***



***10:30 a.m. ET

Megyn Hidden Again

January 26, 2009

Fox News disappointed America’s Newsroom male admirers of Megyn Kelly, America’s Newroom co-host, with a dreadful dab of de javu when AN aired this morning. As the the show opened, Megyn (not to mention her lovely legs) was ensconced behind a desk with her co-anchor Bill Hemmer a la the program’s premier. Bill announced, “Yes, we have new digs. Don’t we, Meg?” Offering a hint of hope to her hes, Megyn answered, “We have some new digs for the time being.”

Gretch, Brian: Bet Weasels?

January 26, 2009

When are Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson and Brian Kilmeade going to finally pay up on their lost football playoff bet with Clayton? Has Gretchen joined Brian in the vice of which she regularly indicts Brian, i.e., weaseling out of wagers?

Gretchen bet F&F Weekend co-host Clayton Morris that her beloved Minnesota Vikings would slay his hometown Philadelphia Eagles: If she lost, she promised to don an Eagle jersey and sing the Eagle war anthem. When they did, Brian Kilmeade bailed her out with an Eagles/Giants double-down bet in which he would join Gretch in doing the same. The Eagles beat the Giants over two weeks ago, and Gretchen and Brian still haven’t paid the proverbial piper.

The Super Bowl is this Sunday. So, to quote Laura Ingraham, Gretch, Brian, shut up and sing!

Briggs: I Don’t Want 2B Sexist

January 25, 2009

Apparently, Fox & Friends co-host Dave Briggs has learned his lesson. In a “Platonic Friends” Fox & Friends segment, co-anchor Alisyn Camerota asked, “Can your wife have dinner with a guy friend? I pose to you, Dave.” Not wanting to sound chauvinistic again,* co-host Dave Briggs responded, “Well, listen, I don’t want to be sexist about this: It’s the same both ways. The same expectations I have of her she has of me.” Aly further probed, “So what are the rules?” Dave answered, “I don’t think there’s [sic] any ground rules that are written up…no she’s not going out to dinner with another guy. And I’m not going out with another gal.”

All things being equal, Dave seems to have wisened up.



Hush, Shep!

January 23, 2009

Shepard Smith rudely would not allow his audience to listen to IL Governor Blagojevich’s press conference with his intentionally loud and incessant comments today. Trying to hearing the reporter’s questions and Blago’s anwers over him was virtually impossible. Shep complimented the local Chicago stations for not covering it live and impugned the cable channels (including his very own) for doing so. Even though he may not agree with FNC’s decision to air the press conference, he should allow it to do so without sabotaging the telecast.

A little respect for FNC’s viewers would be nice, too!

Megyn N Motion

January 23, 2009

Foxy femme Megyn Kelly was in perpetual motion yesterday. Not only did she co-host her America’s Newsroom with Bill Hemmer in the morn but also appeared as a guest on the O’Reilly Factor as legal analyst as usual and on Red Eye as avant-garde eye candy for the first time. As to O’Reilly, Megyn opined on the continuing saga of Caylee Anthony’s death. In regard to Red Eye, the legal lovely ably navigated through Greg Gutfeld’s minefields of bawdy mischief.

When asked how she liked her first time on Red Eye by Andy Levy, Megyn self-deprecatingly replied, I enjoyed it although I feel a little under pressure when that camera turns to me: I don’t know what to say; I don’t know what to do; I don’t know where to sit; [and] I don’t know what to do with my legs; [and] I feel a little uncomfortable.” Andy answered, “Oh, you did just fine.”

Indeed, she did!

F&F: Geraldo’s Sailor Rant

January 23, 2009

FNC’s sea-loving journalist Geraldo Rivera let a few expletives slip this morning on Fox & Friends. As the host of Geraldo at Large promo’d his show on Fox & Friends, he lit into John Thain, the former Merrill Lynch ceo and just ousted Bank of America exec as “that greedy bastard, that greedy bastard.”

An agitated, animated Geraldo went on to describe how Thain went knowingly to a “going-down-the-tubes” Merrill Lynch that was going to post a $15 billion four quarter loss and “sneaked” out a month ahead of time $4 or $5 billion to his executives–not to mention his obscene $1.2 million redecoration of his office. Scornfully, Geraldo concluded, “What this is is just a self-aggrandizing little [voice suddenly sub rosa]. “Pr**k” is what he appeared to say under his breath (from the author’s subjective lip-reading and F&F co-host Steve Doocy’s widened eyes and sudden turn toward Geraldo).

Steve, surprised by F&F’s resident salty dog?

Kiran Covers Up

January 22, 2009

After days of completely covering up at the inaugural in a frigid D.C., American Morning co-host Kiran Chetry hasn’t quite shaken her habit back in New York. Upon her return yesterday, Kiran wore a sexy plum top partially open but cooled the AM airwaves after only thirty minutes when she buttoned it more snugly in the heated studio of CNN. However, today the Nepalese beauty seemed to venture somewhat back into her element as she flaunted a figure-fitting, lower-cut red midi and sexy knee-high black boots on camera: nevertheless,  off screen, she still couldn’t resist plunging her feet into her comfy “Uggs” and coating her naked nails in dark red polish.

Caroline Kennedy “Dud”?

January 22, 2009

Fox & Friends co-hosts Gretchen Carlson and Steve Doocy gave Caroline Kennedy little comfort the morning after she unexpectedly withdrew from the Governor Paterson’s consideration for Hilliary Clinton’s open NY Senate seat for “personal reasons.” However, Brian Kilmeade, who had recently spoken with JFK’s daughter, kindly commented, “Maybe, she was really, really having a hard time with personally wondering if she really wanted this job in the first place.” Immediately, Gretchen replied, “Oh, I don’t think that’s what it was.”

Later Gretchen further opined, “I think that she had this job in the tank along time ago and she messed it up.” Steve interjected, “She was a dud!” Gretchen continued, “She doesn’t have the personal charisma and skills to be a politician: Let’s just face it!”

Brian, you may have a slight change for a follow-up with Kennedy on your radio show: However, don’t count on booking her for F&F!

O’Reilly: Jessica Alba Witch?

January 22, 2009

Bill O’Reilly, apparently, is still smarting from Jessica Alba’s acerbic appellation for him, i.e., “ah***.” In his tease to tonight’s O’Reilly Factor’s “Pinheads and Patriots” segment, he seemingly said, “Starring Ellen [Degeneres] and Jessica Alba who is witch or which is what or something like that.” [Clever word play.] In the following block itself, after calling Ellen a “patriot” and mentioning Alba’s disparaging remark, O’Reilly aired a TMZ video of Alba confusing Sweden with Switzerland when she asked a reporter to be similarly neutral about Obama. O’Reilly then mocked Alba and called her a possible pinhead.

A.M.: Alina Maxim

January 21, 2009

American Morning’s Alina Cho was barrenly blandished today as “resident fashionista” by AM’s Kiran Chetry. Alina is done no favors by such false flattery. Unfortunately, the comely Korean does not realize that sometimes less is more in haute couture. Not only does she wear maxis to the max, she seems to almost always be bedecked in bijouterie befitting a Brogdingnagian.

Alina, you’re a gorgeous girl! Shorten your skirts and jettison your gigantic jewelry. They only obscure your beauty and weigh you down.

Another Bidenism: Joe Jabs Chief Justice

January 21, 2009

Before Vice President Joe Biden administered the oath of office to President Barack Obama’s senior staff today, he took a thinly veiled swipe at Chief Justice John Roberts (who flubbed the inaugural presidential oath yesterday).* When the President asked Biden if he wanted to swear in the new officials, he asked, “Am I doing this again?” The Prez explained that a number of Cabinet members had been sworn in but that this ceremony was for the senior staff. Biden quipped, “My memory is not as good as Justice Roberts’.” The audience laughed heartily and one exclaimed, “Wow!” However, a politically astute, unsmiling President Obama gave his Veep a tutoring tap on the arm: Biden quickly added, “No, I” as he then wisely bit his lip.

1:28 p.m. ET – FNC’s Live Desk

Doocy: PETA, Investigate Soledad!

January 21, 2009

Today Steve Doocy, dog lover and Fox & Friends co-host, called for a PETA investigation of CNN reporter Soledad O’Brien’s treatment of a mastiff in two different segments. According to Doocy, the former American Morning co-anchor (and other co-op board members) signed a lease termination notice to a tenant because of his mastiff who allegedly drools, sheds, and stinks. Doocy declared, “The dog is a part of the family: She’s trying to evict a part of their family.” He added, “I have a 100 lb. dog at home: I love my dog.” Then he concluded, “I suggest that PETA do an investigation: Let’s find out what’s going on down there at Soledad O’Brien’s [place].

Later, of Soledad’s attempted eviction of the dog, Doocy opined, “Seems a little heartless to me.” He proclaimed, “I am calling for a PETA investigation into the Soledad O’Brien treatment of the neighborhood dogs: Are you with me? Reluctantly, Brian right hand and replied, “Alright, I’m with you.” Gretch, however, demurred, “I don’t know: I got to figure it out.”

Doocy, you may have a little trouble recruiting the weekend crew, too, esp. Dave.