Safe Spaces: Right!

Safe Space: Fake News? Does anybody who watches cable news on a regular basis believe that the co-hosts who are appearing as the Brady Bunch a la Fox and Friends or The Five or six  feet from each other a la New Day buy it? If one does, one probably should be more than willing to buy the Brooklyn bridge from a stranger or the one that Senator Hatch offered to sell in Massachusetts.

No one with any media savvy or political correctness gone amok believe this inanity is for real. Obviously, they are attempting to make a statement as to what the voter should observe–and to be politically correct seemingly.

But, it is irritating to watch knowing full well that these co-hosts are probably congregating in the green room or a private bar nearby. Even though the intent may be benign, the virtue signalling is nauseating.

 

Bob Out Again: Juan In!

Five: About time? The Five co-host Bob Beckel, the liberal buffoon–who was “likeable enough” as former President Obama might characterize him–was fired Friday, allegedly “making an insensitive remark to an African-American” who reportedly “came to service his computer,” telling [him] that he was leaving his office because he is Black [sic]”: Ironically, unless The Five finds a fill-in, he will apparently be permanently replaced by his alternate liberal co-host, the very likable, knowledgeable African-American Juan Williams who lost his job at NPR for an allegedly “insensitive remark” about Muslims on FNC (O’Reilly Factor.) You cannot make this stuff up.

Self-admitted former substance abuser Bob was known for his cursing and crudeness on The Five but he was like the drunk on the bar stool next to you that amuses you as long as he does not spill beer on you or grab your girlfriend in a fresh fashion. But, he seemed to have a good heart as he mentored those who suffered from substance abuse.

Sometimes Bob’s tomfoolery made for good TV: But, when Juan Williams rotated in for him, the viewer wondered why Juan did not have the liberal seat full-time. In 2015, Bob was let go from The Five with former FNC honcho Bill Shine, saying, “We tried to work with Bob for months, but we couldn’t hold The Five hostage to one’s personal issues. He took tremendous advantage of our generosity, empathy and goodwill and we simply came to the end of the road with him.”  In 2017, Bob returned to the show: FNC chief Rupert Murdoch remarked, “Bob was missed by many fans of The Five and we’re happy to welcome him back to the show.

The author initially found this account re Bob highly suspect. The he remembered that Bob had referred to Chinese as “Chinamen,” a term which he understands that some consider derogatory and others may not. Regardless, it seemed to indicate an insensitivity in that regard. As to the aforementioned account re his latest termination, Bob appears to have crossed the Rubicon re racial remarks in seeming to question the ability of the IT guy because of his race.

When The Five aired later on Friday night, Bob’s name and fate were noticeably not found anywhere on the lips of his co-hosts Kimberly Guilfoyle, Jesse Watters, Dana Perino, or Greg Gutfeld. However, where Bob had last sat was predictably Juan Williams. And, presumably, he will now finally be The Five‘s resident liberal.

Fox News Specialists? Not!

Unless “Specialists” is an FNC euphemism for “not so special” Five. On the positive side, it was Fox News Specialists co-hosts Eric Bolling, Eboni Williams, and Katherine Timpf‘s virgin show so they and the producers may have a honeymoon to work out the kinks with viewers who are accustomed to a livelier, sexier, and, quite frankly, much sharper The Five (which, thankfully, will air at 9:00 p.m. tonight to redeem its replacement).

The first thing that caught the author’s eye was the pretentious new solid circular desk that seemed to be designed to suggest a certain Sunday morning news gravitas with the co-anchors safely ensconced behind it: No much needed “leg chair” there today to spice up the show a la The Five at the five o’clock hour! As to the their heralded “specialists” guests, billionaire and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and Showtime’s “The Circus” co-producer and co-host Mark McKinnon, they were not bad, and they provided their usual political perspectives: But, one can see them as guests oft on almost any FNC show of note.

There were no scintillating debates as one would expect on The Five or even on Outnumbered: Sadly, it felt like merely time filler for this FNC viewer. Hopefully, the show was not a harbinger of what is to come for the inaptly named Fox News Specialists or the network itself as it seems to be transmogrifying from Rupert Murdoch’s juggernaut FNC to his sons James and Lachlan’s “gentler and kinder” Fox News.

“The Fox News Specialists” needs to up its game as does Fox News or its rumored future more conservative rival may do what CNN and MSNBC have not been able to do thus far, i.e., take it down a notch or two.

As the show concluded, McKinnon said, “Five o’clock will never be the same again.” The author fears that he might just be right.

“The Fox News Specialists”: Really?

Five O’Clock Somewhere might strike a more resonant chord with long-time Five fans whose show has moved to prime time (9 p.m. ET). The Five‘s replacement show as of Monday (May 1), “Fox News Specialists,” sounds somewhat supercilious at best and downright condescending to faithful, informed FNC viewers who probably know almost as much or possibly even more than the newly named co-hosts Eric Bolling, Eboni Williams, and Katherine Timpf.

Eric deserves the five o’clock slot if anyone does: Eric has held the Five center seat with distinction and promoted The Five diurnally by pointing to his left hand with all five “fingers” (including his thumb) extended at the end of virtually every show–not to mention, he’s a smart cookie who also anchors Cashin’ In on Saturday mornings (11:30 a.m. ET). As for Eboni, she’s has been a regular on Outnumbered who has a sharp legal mind, good common sense, and distinct feminine pulchritude. As to Katherine, she is smart and sexy, too, but she can be annoying with her millennial snark as she frequently has evidenced on Red Eye and the Greg Gutfeld Show.

“News Specialists” sounds more like an obnoxious MSNBC show that might be hosted by Mika Brzezenski  of Morning Joe who infamously said, “[Trump] is trying to undermine the media and trying to make up his own facts. He could have undermined the messaging so much that he can actually control exactly what people think. That is our job.”

Eric, Eboni, and Katherine, it’s not Mika’s job, and it’s not your job. As you all well know, your job is to report and to let your audience decide. And, when you and your colleagues do it well, every viewer is a “Fox News Specialist.”

Break a leg! Hopefully, it’s “five o’clock somewhere”!

Eric Bolling: I Admit This!

“I watch them in the morning: I’m a very faithful viewer [of Mika and Joe]!” Sorry, Fox & Friends co-hosts Steve Doocy, Ainsley Earhardt, and Brian Kilmeade, Fox News The Five co-host Eric Bolling is cheating on you in the early morn–and he is doing it with MSNBC’s Morning Joe‘s Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough!

The Five co-host Eric Bolling let the cat out of the bag on Outnumbered as the “One Lucky Guy” today when he was discussing Mika’s emotional response to President Trump’s claim that former President Obama spied on him during a segment moderated by The Five co-anchor Meghan McCain. Airing a vid of Mika tearfully exclaiming, “I don’t know how anybody can defend this President even if it’s their job….[T]his is not funny! This is really bad! Just for the record, we’re all really nervous! So, if people out there feel nervous, we do, too!”*

Turning to her right, Meghan said, “Eric, I’m going to go to you first. I just want to make reference to the fact that Mika and Joe were present at Mar-a-Lago on New Year’s, hanging out with President Trump a mere less than two months ago–didn’t seem too nervous and freaked out then.”

In response, Eric concurred, “That’s right! And, they were also, ah, allegedly at one of the primaries in the Trumps’ hotel room as well.”  Coming clean, Eric stammered, “So, they, they, I admit this: I watch them in the morning. I’m a very faithful viewer!”

A “very faithful viewer” of Mika and Joe! Guess Eric needs to go to Father Jonathan Morris for confession when he lights his next candle. Hopefully, he will not only be forgiven by Father Jon but also by his colleagues, Ainsley, Steve, and Brian. Time to repent for “your sin” of being unfaithful, Eric!

*Outnumbered – 03/07/17 (@ 12:51 p.m. ET).

Rude Beckel Unrepentant

Cursing & Boorish Bob: “I’m going to continue to say Comrade Trump!” Yes, The Five co-host Bob Beckel continues to show his ass to The Five fans. He certainly learned little from his liberal, articulate, and debonair successor/predecessor The Five co-host Juan Williams who exhibited real respect and class even with those with whom he disagreed.

Unsurprising, Bob had to be bleeped once in the show as his brilliant, beautiful co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle raised her hand toward her face in disgust and disbelief that Beckel was up to his old tricks again.

But, Beckel was not done. As the show ended with its “One More Thing” segment, Beckel barked, “Alright, I’m going to change my “One More Thing” here, and I’ve been yelled at already by the producer (apparently, for his bleeped expletive).”* Condescendingly to his The Five viewers, he commented, “Let me explain something about The Five. I’ve been here at the beginning and then took a sabbatical. But, this has always been an opinion show.” Looking into the camera at his detractors, Beckel retorted, “For those of you who have inundated me with how if I would get off this show, it would get a lot better. I understand that: It’s fine. I can handle that.”

Continuing his rant, Beckel bellowed, “But, let me explain something to you: If you want to go and find something that is all one way, you can go to another network. Don’t come here because I’m going to continue to say, ‘Comrade Trump’!” Interrupting Beckel as the show concluded, co-anchor Greg Gutfeld aptly shouted, “Bob, gotta go!”

And, unless Bob changes his stripes, maybe, he will once again.

[Author’s aside: Beckel’s abrasive reply to The Five fans may have also been a less than a subtle shot at the author’s Carpe Diem article entitled “Bob Beckel: Comrade Trump.”]

*The Five – 02/22/17 (@ 5:59 p.m. ET).

Beckel’s Sobering Experience: A Husband’s .45

Bob: “God, I don’t know if you exist: But, if you do, it’s the last drink I’ll ever have. And, it was.” Tonight, The Five recently returned co-host Bob Beckel revealed his conversion experience of going from a drinker to a teetotaler. It was an angry husband’s .45 that did not fire.

In the “Friend Zone” segment tonight on his eponymous show, Tucker Carlson Tonight, Tucker interviewed Bob who penned his autobiography, “I Should Be Dead: My Life Surviving Politics, TV, and Addition.” To his colleague, Tucker queried, “One question I’ve never asked in you all these years, what were the circumstances of your getting sober?”* Looking away from the camera for a moment and then returning to its gaze with a mischievous smile, Bob answered, “Well, I’ll tell you, Tuck….I was at a bar in southern Maryland, a biker bar, which was the kind of place I used to hang out, trying to pick up this woman at the bar.” Elaborating, he said, “And, I had this feeling that there was something behind me. And, I turned around and there was a guy with a .45 pointed right at my face–and he pulled the trigger. It was her husband!”

Continuing, Bob explained, “And, he pulled the trigger and he had not chambered the bullet, thank God. So, somebody grabbed him from behind and the second [sic] bullet blew a three-foot hole in the ceiling. And, they threw me out in the parking lot. Just before I passed out, I said, “God, I don’t know if you exist: But, if you do, it’s the last drink I’ll ever have. And it was!…Seventeen years, six days.”

Bob Beckel: As always, colorful. Congratulations, Bob!

*Tucker Carlson Tonight – 01/25/17 (9:52 p.m. ET).

Uncensored Dana: “Fu**ing Camel”!

Greg: “Could you watch your language, young lady?” Riding a camel with her The Five co-host Greg Gutfeld, Dana Perino sounded a mite like her former co-host Bob Beckel today. In a vid clip aired from their visit to the Columbus Zoo on their bus tour to Cleveland, Ohio, for the GOP Presidential convention, Dana got somewhat salty in her language. After The Five co-anchors watched the “free-range” lions who were not to be fed according to the zookeeper’s orders to Greg, Dana mounted the dromedary and then Greg struggled mightily to get on behind her.

Bizarrely, or, perchance, after a few drinks of her fave vino, Dana unsympathetically exclaimed, “It isn’t, it’s not a fu**ing camel!”*

Chastening his usually chaste co-host on her vulgarity but not her inanity, Greg irascibly retorted, “Could you watch your language, young lady?”

Strangely, producers did not bleep out Dana’s obscenity. But, perhaps, they wanted to proclaim to viewers that Dana is no priggish prude: Rather, she can get naughty on occasion–but, probably, not quite like her comely co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle!

*The Five – 07/18/16 (@ 5:40 p.m. ET).

Update: J$P (Johnny Dollar’s Place) vid link: http://video.foxnews.com/v/video-embed.html?video_id=5040699610001

 

Gretchen Out: Bitter?

Sues Roger Ailes: Her “lawyers…say Ailes is the ‘Bill Cosby of media.'” Wow! Former Fox & Friends co-host and anchor of The Real Story with Gretchen Carlson, Gretchen Carlson, is apparently not amused that her tenure is over: Reportedly, she is suing FNC honcho Roger Ailes for sexual harassment after her contract was not renewed.

According to the Daily Mail, Gretchen said that Ailes asked her to “turn around so he could view her posterior.” Furthermore, the NYT reported that Gretchen alleged that Ailes had eyed her in his office and called her sexy and “explicitly asked [her] in his office for a sexual relationship.”

In response, Gretchen’s former female FNC colleagues pushed back. “On the Record” anchor Greta van Susteren said that she has “‘absolutely never’ seen …Ailes act inappropriately toward women” and described Gretchen as “a very unhappy employee that lost her job” according to The Wrap. According to the same publication, hitting Gretchen even harder, “Justice with Judge Jeanine” anchor Jeanine Pirro declared, “I know know the man. I have been in a room with him. He has never said or done anything [inappropriate].”: Taking aim at her former FNC colleague, Jeanine added that the lawsuit was “absurd” and remarked, “I don’t know that she, the plaintiff [Gretchen], even has a friend in that building.” On a softer note FBN anchor Maria Bartiromo said, “It’s not in keeping with what I know, and my experience at Fox” according to Variety. Morever, The Five co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle chimed in (according to TVNewser), “Total disbelief. I’ve known Roger Ailes for 15 years and I have been treated with the utmost professionalism and respect: He’s been a fantastic mentor in television for me.” To boot, in her HuffPo article, former Fox & Friends First co-anchor Kiran Chetry, who had a self-proclaimed “parting [that] was ugly and public,” defended Ailes, saying, “Over the years at Fox, I met with Roger Ailes one-on-one many times and never once did Roger ever make me feel uncomfortable or put forth any sexual advances.”

According to the Hollywood Report, Ailes hit back hard at Gretchen, saying:

“Gretchen Carlson’s allegations are false. This is a retaliatory suit for the network’s decision not to renew her contract, which was due to the fact that her disappointingly low ratings were dragging down the afternoon lineup. When Fox News did not commence any negotiations to renew her contract, Ms. Carlson became aware that her career with the network was likely over and conveniently began to pursue a lawsuit. Ironically, Fox News provided her with more on-air opportunities over her 11-year tenure than any other employer in the industry, for which she thanked me in her recent book. This defamatory lawsuit is not only offensive, it is wholly without merit and will be defended vigorously.”

Gretchen and her fellow femme fatale predecessor co-hosts on Fox & Friends have always been sexually empowered since the fun, flirty, racy, E. D. Hill made her debut in 1998: And, for those that embrace it, that is modern liberated feminism, women unashamed of their potent power of feminine pulchritude and seduction and are not afraid to embrace it. E.g., Gretchen seemed to tout this “new” feminism in her somewhat tempting “twerking” and awkward aping of “scandalous” Miley Cyrus on F&F. Also, naughty Fetchin’ Gretchen had her sultry take on sharing her momcave with Chris Wallace, nipple clips, and licked thighs on F&F (02/04/11). Not to mention Gretchen’s saucy flirtation with Chris Wallace when the Fox News Sunday host  exclaimed, “Let me just say…I was thinking how to clean this up. Gretchen, when you were wearing that cowboy hat and smoking that cigar you looked fetching.” (In response, Gretchen, re-enacted and accentuated her sultry cowboy/cigar look for Chris to which he responded, Oh, Mama! You should take that home for your husband tonight.”) Maybe, Ailes was having fun with that vibe from Gretchen–if in fact he said what he purportedly said.

Nevertheless, a woman or a man’s employment, advancement, etc. should never be predicated on her/his employer’s reaction to their employee’s sexual power. Nor, should the employee ever be subject to his/her unwanted advances.

Andrea Tantaros Nude

Tantaros: How much do I want to share with America? Missing Outnumbered co-host Andrea Tantaros is nowhere to be found on Fox News as of late. Perhaps, she is still “Tied Up in Knots” as her latest book suggests. And, naked in bed to boot.

Sitting in the leg chair on Outnumbered on the right usually, Andrea has always commanded rapt attention in her sexy short skirts and in her killer high heels. But, what else would one expect from the purported love of former Chili Hot Peppers rocker and current Jane’s Addiction guitarist Dave Navarro? Now she has disappeared: Rumors are she was taken off the air, at least, for now, possibly because of her purported Trump leanings.

For Andrea’s acolytes, her absence is a whit unwelcome. Perhaps, on occasion, their disappointment is ameliorated in part when the leggy Jedidiah Bilah makes her too rare appearance.

But, take heart, Andrea devotees. One can enjoy her 2012 November Playboy appearance, er, her interview–sorry, lads– with John Meroney. Or, read her “Tied Up in Knots.” And, for Andrea’s more avid acolytes, they can be seduced by her siren coos on a future audio book.

Less than a year ago on Outnumbered, Andrea bared herself for her fans during a segment subtitled, “Get Your ZZZZZs with No Undies.”* Presiding over that very segment, occasional co-host Jedidiah Bilah revealed, “You know what’s funny? I can’t sleep naked for some reason. I have to have my Spiderman pajamas on: Don’t worry, they’re very sexy! But, I can’t sleep in the nude–this is why I’m single.” Turning to Andrea, she racily remarked, “I can’t sleep in the nude. Can you? Have you mastered this, this, this?”

Saucily, Andrea answered, “You know, I’ve been pondering this for the entire show: How much do I want to share with America? And, all I’m going to say is ‘yes.'”

FNC’s “Outnumbered”: Andrea’s missing! “Tied Up in Knots”–and sleeping in the nude!

*Outnumbered – 07/02/15 (@ 12:58 p.m. ET).

Steve Doocy: “Please laugh!”

Jeb Bush: “Please Clap!” This morning, Fox & Friends seemed to signal the end of the Jeb Bush candidacy to be the Presidential standard barrier for the GOP. Not that “JEB!” necessarily needed the hint.

Today, F&F seemed to indicate Bush 3 was toast–as if anyone else needed to know, too. At the bottom of the first F&F hour, producers aired a segment of “The Tonight Show” Jimmy Fallon ridiculing Bush scion “JEB!” as someone who “still knows how to work a crowd.”* In the painful snippet, Jeb said, “I think the next President needs to be a lot quieter but send a signal that we’re prepared to act in the national security interests of this country: To get back in the business of creating a more peaceful world. Please clap!”

After Fallon bowled over in laughter in the clip after the Bush bumble, he derisively remarked, “For the love of God, can I get a, like an awkward cough, anything, a nod? Can you move? Come on!”

When the camera returned to co-host Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and co-host Sandra Smith, Steve deadpanned, “Boy, that was funny! Please laugh!”

Ducking his head sheepishly, Brian replied, “Right!” Chiming in, Sandra exclaimed, “Uncomfortable!” Coming to the defense of the brother of his sometimes golfing buddy, 43, Brian stammered, “Well, look! In some polls, he’s as high as uh, uh second place in New Hampshire.”

Incredulous, Steve retorted, “Really? What polls?”

Smiling unconvincingly, Brian replied, “He’s coming up!”

Chiding Steve for his frankness, a smiling Sandra chided, “Now! Now!”

Poor JEB! When his only defense is from Kilmeade, a “W” acolyte a la former White House press secretary Dana Perino of The Five, things are not looking up for the Bush dynasty. Or, the GOP establishment.

“Please clap!,” or, “please laugh”! That’s the divide of the GOP–and the FNC.

*Fox & Friends – 02/04/16 (@ 6:32 a.m. ET).

 

Timpf: Coulter Light?

Katherine: Hillary is a criminal! The Five guest co-host Katherine Timpf came across today as a wannabe hipster mean girl. In her first time as co-anchor of The Five, apparently, the FNC contributor and National Review writer derided Senator Ted Cruz as Trump Lite; dismissed Governor Chris Christie as a virtual has-been a la Al Bundy; derided former Mike Huckabee as an embarrassing, bumbling comedian, and dubbed Dem front runner Secretary Hillary Clinton “a criminal.”

The Five regulars, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Eric Bolling, and Dana Perino took Katherine in stride initially–when she criticized Cruz: In fact, W.’s self-professed “number one fan,” Dana beamed when Katherine mocked Cruz as Trump Lite and she woefully tried to impersonate him (and said that she was glad that she could not).

In a subsequent segment, Katherine criticized Christie as one who had missed his chance and as one who is “kinda like a dude who peaked in high school that still has some of that confidence but he’s [sic] kinda knows he’s kidding himself.” Not amused at her flippant aspersion, Dana sternly answered, “Hmmm, I disagree. But, we don’t have enough time.”

Later (in a segment about the U.S. accepting Syrian refugee immigration into the U.S.), Katherine mocked Huckabee after a Five clip of the CNN GOP Presidential debater, saying, “If it’s such a doggone good idea to bring people here that we really don’t know who they are and [President] Obama thinks that we’re being un-Christian to not do it, I’ve got a suggestion: Let’s send the first wave of ’em to Chappaqua, Martha’s Vineyard, and the Upper East Side of Manhattan, and to the South Lawn of the White House where we’ll set up a camp. Let’s see how that works out: And, if they behave wonderfully, that’s fine.” Sounding as if she were still on Red Eye rather than a real news show, Katherine sarcastically queried, “Was that kind of a joke? Was he kinda making a joke? It’s always hard to tell is why I don’t know why he makes jokes.  Very nice guy, but was he actually saying that we should send refugees to Martha’s Vineyard?…Even if he’s annoyed by the liberals, I don’t think that he should want terrorists there…Whenever he makes a joke…I’m always just sitting there like “Whah?”

Coming to the defense of her former colleague, Kimberly riposted, “You’re not getting a Christmas card from him for sure!” Defensively, Katherine replied, “I said [that] he was a nice guy, and I really do believe, but that doesn’t mean that you’re great at the, the jokes.” Cuttingly, Kimberly retorted, “That’s what you’re here for!”

But, Katherine’s contretemps were not yet over.

Later, in her very own segment, Katherine moderated a segment entitled, “Hillary Jokes on Campaign Trail: ‘I Don’t Have Horns.” When she turned to Juan about the former Secretary’s jest, he said that Hillary’s style, leadership, and background were the reason people like her. In response, Katherine exclaimed, “I don’t think anyone likes her: I don’t like her!…She’s a criminal….Usually, criminals are, at least, exciting. She’s a criminal and she’s boring: I would rather look at my hand than listen to her speak!”

When the camera panned from a seemingly clueless Katherine to an incredulous Dana, it caught Dana clenching her teeth, arching her eyebrows,  and clenching her arms tightly.

Apparently, trying to throw herself a lifeline, Katherine queried, “Kimberly, you know the Clintons, right?” Blushing and chuckling, Kimberly exclaimed, “Yes!”

Continuing apace, Katherine asked, “Is there anything you like about her, anything about her at all?” Nodding her head naughtily, Kimberly answered, “I like Bill!”

Chiming in mischievously, Eric Bolling chuckled, “He likes you!” Nodding, and reddening all the more, Kimberly responded, “He’s been very good to me. Yes, very nice!”

Changing topics quickly, Kimberly added, “Um, so, Hillary, you know, I’m not a big Hillary Clinton fan: It’s no secret, actually, but for very good reasons….She is not a candidate that I find to be trustworthy, that I find to be competent, or to have excelled in the areas of foreign policy and national security plus as a former prosecutor, I don’t like people who have a loose relationship with the truth and a total disregard and disdain for the laws of the land.”

Concurring, Katherine declared, “Right, and…she’s not even likable while she’s doing it: She’s also boring!”

Long flowing tresses, black hipster glasses, and a short black skirt on a blond beauty may be aesthetically pleasing at FNC: But, they do not an “FNC fox” make. Smarts and not-so-uncommon sense count, too. As WFB spins in his grave, Katherine, you may want to consult the National Review archives for a timely tutorial from that sage, prescient conservative icon on political commentary.

F&FW’s Clayton & Anna Pulled

Jon & Kimberly join Tucker to form the Fox & Friends Weekend “A-Team” Saturday. Co-hosts Clayton Morris and Anna Kooiman were pulled from the F&FW Saturday lineup this morning in the wake of the horrific terrorist attacks on France Friday evening (local time) that left 127 dead and 200 others injured (99 in critically condition). In their stead, F&FW substituted more seasoned FNC veterans, Happening Now co-host Jon Scott and Five co-anchor and guest co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle. Notably, today Tucker got to stay in the game. [Two years ago (04/20/13), after the capture of the last of the Boston Marathon bomber brothers, Tucker and Clayton both were temporarily demoted on F&FW (Saturday) in favor of FNC heavyweights Brian Kilmeade and–yes, dear reader–the very same Jon Scott: Perhaps, to Clayton and Tucker’s chagrin, their then F&FW ace co-anchor Alisyn Camerota aptly stayed in the game.]

At the end of weekday Fox & Friends yesterday, Clayton and Anna promoted their then upcoming F&FW Saturday with promises of guest appearances of “one of the premier psychics in the world, Laura Lynne Jackson” and of Santa Claus. Concluding the show, a smiling and waving Anna sweetly declared, “Bye, everybody! See you dark and early tomorrow!” But, it was not to be: Clayton and Anna had to leave the field.

When there is explosive hard news to cover, F&FW knows full well that they need to go to their “A Team.” And, today they did–with Jon and Kimberly. But, there is still hope for tech geek Clayton and alluring lovely Anna to make F&FW‘s “A-Team”: After all, Tucker got his call today.

Gotta Laugh: Dana Pe-RINO Whine-o?

“And the Good News Is”: Rand Paul “has jumped the shark.” No surprise, George W. Bush’s self-proclaimed “number one fan” Dana Pe-Rino (as her Five co-anchor Eric Bolling former dubbed her) used her segment on the O’Reilly Factor to bash maverick Rand Paul, the libertarian, anti-establishment Republican from Kentucky. Now that W. has become more popular that the President in the latest poll, Dana is, apparently, trying to whack his brother Jeb’s rival Rand Paul with an inane allusion to the moment that Happy Days became irrelevant when Fonzi jumped the shark literally–and figuratively.

Dana may love Jasper and W.: But, she seemingly surely hates Ron Paul’s boy.The cute tomboy, who replaced dullard Scott McClellan, but who could never emulate the suave and debonair Ari Fleischer seems to be on a charm offensive on the Five and wherever she shows up on Fox News. But, if she is not careful, she should may well have to disclose her appearances as indirect donations to the the latest Bush iteration for President.

Tonight, on O’Reilly, Dana said that Rand has “jumped the shark.” Maybe, she is guilty of transference: Perchance, it is her beloved Bushes who have “jumped the shark.” After all, Jeb’s momma, Barbara Bush herself, said that the country had had “enough Bushes” in the White House.

“And the Good News Is”: Dana is a Bushie who herself may have jumped the shark as to her credibility with the GOP base.

[Author’s aside: “And the Good News Is” is a reference to Dana’s new book.]

Perino: New Weekly O’Reilly Segment

O’Reilly: “Dana Perino’s top stories of the week!” Pixie pretty Five co-host Dana Perino has a new gig: Following in the tiny footsteps of her dimunitive co-anchor Greg Gutfeld, Dana  has scored a weekly segment on FNC ratings king Bill O’Reilly’s The Factor.  Bettering her little buddy (who enjoys a regular segment entitled “What the Heck Just Happened” with Imus in the Morning executive producer Bernard McGuirk), Dana has her own segment to herself.

Announcing her good news Thursday, Dana Tweeted, “So this is happening. Tonight. New weekly segment w/ @oreillyfactor where we bat around my top stories of the weeks.”

Subsequently, when The Factor aired that night, Bill began Dana’s segment, announcing, “‘Impact Segment’ tonight! Brand new segment: Dana Perino’s top stories of the week!” Introducing her, he exclaimed, “And, here she is! Co-host of The Five, Miss [sic] Perino!” Joking he added, “[Dana’s The Five co-host Bob] Beckel would never get this!”

Congratulations, Dana!

*O’Reilly Factor (second airing) – 03/19/15 (@ 11:14 p.m. ET).

Vanilla Perino: As*, As*, Baby?

Or, a**hole, Ed Henry? Today, Five co-anchor Dana Perino and chief White House correspondent Ed Henry celebrated “good times.” Apparently, during the Real Story with Gretchen Carlson (featuring Dana), Ed revealed, “She [Dana] called me an equal opportunity blank–I won’t use the word, I think it starts with an ‘a,’ and it’s not a very nice word.”

Poor Ed should not feel too bad about Dana’s acerbic aspersion. He is in good company: Wannabe rapper “Tiny D” called her co-host and bud Greg Gutfeld an a**hole during a break on The Five about two years ago according to Five co-anchor Bob Beckel. On the other hand, the self-professed “biggest fan” of Bush 43, may have been having a flashback to the day that W infamously called that pesky, impertinent NYT reporter an “a**hole.”

Ed: an a**hole? Probably not–unless he gets on Dana’s bad side!

Dash’s Afternoon Delight: “PILF”?

Stacey: I wasn’t kicking [him out of bed]. The Five guest co-host Stacey Dash may be conservative but she seems to have a soft spot for probable Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton’s hubby. Recently, on Outnumbered, she racily posited that if Hillary were elected President that Bill’s title should be “PILF.”

In a segment Friday (on the Clinton Foundation fundrasing), she upped the ante (during a segment on Hillary’s possible problems re Clinton Foundation fundraising). When Five co-host Juan Williams mused that supporters of potential Hillary opponent, Elizabeth Warren, would wonder what Hillary was doing in bed with all of the big money companies, Five co-anchor Greg Gutfeld jested, “It should be interesting: She’s in bed with the companies, and Bill’s in bed with the company.”* Turning to Stacey, Juan joked, “No. But Stacey’s kicking him out of bed! Oh, no, no, that was Obama!”  Shaking her head no, Stacey smiling responded, “I wasn’t kicking [Bill out of bed].

Chuckling naughtily, Five co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle chimed in, “Clinton will be knocking at the door!”

*The Five – 02/21/15 (@ 5:24 p.m. ET).

Ainsley: My Cheating Ex

Harris Faulkner: “That man was just a fool!” Strangely Fox & Friends First co-host Ainsley Earhardt was giving thanks a little early for a cheating lover Monday. In a segment on Outnumbered (about a “gene that hurts romance”), an aggrieved Ainsley remarked, “If I had known [about] this study, I would have tested the hair samples of some of the exes that cheated!”

As her Outnumbered co-hosts and #oneluckyguy former NYPD detective Bo Dietl chuckled, Ainsley exclaimed, “It would have told me they had the gene!”

Incredulously, Dietl queried, “They cheated on you?”

Flushed, a chagrined Ainsley admitted, “Well, I had one!”

Chiming in, co-anchor Harris Faulkner declared, “Well, that man was just a fool!”

Somewhat defensively, Ainsley asseverated, “And, listen, it was all good! It’s for the best. Now, I’m married to an amazing guy!”

Ainsley’s “amazing guy”? Former Clemson quarterback hubby Will Proctor. Ainsley’s cheating guy? Possibly, former hubby Kevin Wayne McKinney.

Ouch: Bad boys, don’t mess with a Southern Belle!

*The Five – 11/26/14 (@ 12:58 p.m. ET).

Doocy: Elizabeth “Had Some Surgery”

“She’s going to be out for a couple of weeks.” Where has Elisabeth Hasselbeck been? Today, Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy revealed the reason for his co-anchor’s disappearance this morning. However, he was not fully forthcoming.

After welcoming The Five co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle to the center seat on the curvy couch, Steve disclosed the secret of Elisabeth’s absence to the F&F audience, saying, “In case, you were wondering where Elisabeth is today and this week, well, she had some surgery yesterday and she’s going to be out for a couple of weeks.”* Reassuringly, he added, “But, she’s doing just fine [and] she’s on the mend.”

Chiming in, F&F co-anchor Brian Kilmeade elaborated, “But, as you know if you watch the show, she is strong, she is tough, and a better athlete than me. We heard from her last night and she said she is feeling good: So, in a few, in a short time, she’ll be back on the set.”

Notably, neither Steve nor Brian revealed the nature of Elisabeth’s surgery. Perhaps, they both are waiting on Elisabeth herself to do so if, in fact, she decides to do so. Nevertheless, her fans doubtlessly wish the new queen of the F&F curvy couch a full recovery and a swift return.

*Fox & Friends – 10/15/14 (@ 6:01 a.m. E.T.).

Unlike Kilmeade, Eric Mans Up: Apologizes

Bolling: “When I got home, I got the look!” Greta was right: Did The Five co-host Eric Bolling ever “get into so much trouble” for dismissing the ISIS-bombing U.A.E.’s first female fighter pilot as “Boobs on the ground” in a Five segment Wednesday! And, yesterday, he “manned” up and apologized for his offensive jest.

After Eric’s Five co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle introduced the “One More Thing” segment, she called on him immediately. Looking straight into the camera, Eric remarked, “Okay, for my ‘One More Thing’ tonight, I want to go back to yesterday: About this time, I made a joke. When I got home, I got the look–and realized [that] some people didn’t think it was funny at all: I said sorry to my wife, and I apologize to all of you as well.” For emphasis, he added, “I just want to make that very clear!”

If Eric’s apology were not very clear, Kimberly added, “And, you love women, and you have respect for them.” Chastened, Eric concurred, “And, I do.”

Kudos, Eric! Kilmeade could learn from you.