Posts Tagged ‘Dana Perino’

Perino Goes Pe-loco?

June 18, 2015

Dana accuses her Five co-host Eric Bolling of shady ethics? In a made-for-TV moment yesterday, FNC Five co-host Dana Perino became unhinged as she attacked her co-host Eric Bolling over his defense of the latest entrant to the GOP presidential race, Donald Trump. The caustic exchange left Dana glowering into the camera and a non-too-amused Eric shaking his head at her.

Dana, W’s self-professed number one fan, may just have to recuse herself from the Five for the duration of the election if she is not too careful. The former White House press secretary of President George W. Bush, apparently, can not brook the thought of any unconventional Republican standing in the way of W’s little brother Jeb!‘s ascension to the throne. Approximately, two weeks ago, she was proclaiming that Jeb! basher Senator Rand Paul had “jumped the shark” and appeared gleeful to shiv this libertarian rival on the O’Reilly Factor: Today, she was happy to wield the mace to go at Eric and, by extension, Jeb!’s lastest critic, The Donald.

Actually, it was humorous in a schadenfreude fashion. In the “A block” yesterday [FNC vid], Dana seemed genuinely outraged that co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle and Eric would take the flamboyant billionaire seriously, especially, as to his saying he would build a southern border wall and make Mexico pay it.

In her “A block” segment, Kimberly said that Trump was adopting the “Walmart/Kmart approach” by getting the U.S. to “charge everybody for everything” to “make a profit in America”: Chiming in, Eric endorsed The Donald’s take on getting tough on Mexico (among other countries) and said that he was making the other candidates think. In response, Dana was aghast: Haltingly, she sputtered, “I don’t know what to say.”

Derisively, Dana remarked, “I understand…[that]…it feels good to hear that a President of the United States is going to bring back all of our jobs from China and Japan [but] it is so divorced from reality. As Eric turned toward her, she seemingly took a shot at him, saying, “I think you got to take this more seriously: At least, I do! And, I, I’m surprised at some of the people who actually think that some of this would work, especially, given that their other positions are that, for example, executive actions are not something that we should have; we should not have an imperial Presidency.”

Subsequently, co-hosts Greg Gutfeld and Juan Williams gave their takes, respectively, reducing Trump to an exemplar of hubris and showmanship. When Eric came to Trump’s defense, Juan rejoined, “If you’re a serious Republican, do you think that you are helped with him by having him on the same stage with you?” Eric exclaimed, “Yes! No, no: I don’t think you’re helped personally but I think the America people are helped because now they have to address some of the things that Donald Trump addresses that these guys [other candidates] don’t want to talk about.”

Jumping in, Dana scornfully asked, “[D]o you actually think that…the moderator [in a GOP debate] should say, ‘Mr. Rubio, Trump says that he is going to bring back all of the jobs from China: How do you respond?’ And, like all of the candidates are supposed to respond to that!” Then she snarked, “How actually is Donald Trump’s [sic] going to bring all of the jobs from China!”

Subsequently, turning to Eric, Dana acerbically queried, “How would you answer…’how you would bring all the jobs back from China?'” Eric replied, “First of all, I don’t that Donald ever said that he would bring back all of the jobs from China: But, he, he certainly would bring back some of the jobs from China.”

Outraged at Eric’s impertinence, Dana shouted, “He said it in his speech yesterday!” Accusatorily, she stuttered, “no, th, th, that, covering up for him is actually wrong! And, I understand that you have a deal that you’re trying to work on with him. I saw the Twitter last night! I just don’t see how that’s how any other journalist would be pandering.”

Incredulous, Eric replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Pointing her finger at Eric, Dana riposted, “Well, you said that you’ve been trying to close the deal for years to be on Celebrity Apprentice!”

As Greg cackled in the background, Eric replied, “Oh, my god, Dana!…I have been friendly with Donald Trump for fifteen years!” Scowling, Dana answered, “You’re the one who was shouting it from the rooftop yesterday!” Agitated all the more, Eric asked, “Are you actually saying that you are going to accuse me of saying that Donald Trump has some good ideas that are resonating with America because I want to be on Celebrity Apprentice?  Please tell me that’s not the case!”

Glowering at Eric, Dana barked, “I am saying that!”

In reply, Eric snapped, “I will tell you unequivocally that is not the case! I can’t be on Celebrity Apprentice anyway: I’m a host at Fox News. I’m not allowed to!…Seven years ago, Donald Trump came to Fox and said, Hey! Can he be on it? And, the boss said, ‘no he can’t!'”

Defending Eric’s honor, Kimberly chimed in saying, “He did ask!”

Still enraged at Dana’s slight, Eric exclaimed, “By the way, by the way, Dana, Dana, Dana, I have way more ethics…than to use this platform which I love!” When Kimberly tried to wrap her segment to end the acrimony, Eric sharply answered, “Stop!” Finishing his point, he said, “I love dearly this Five: I do! I was here from day one, and I hope to be day last!”

Caustically, Dana interrupted, “Oh, guess what! So was I!”

Ending the segment, Kimberly exclaimed, “I’ve had enough! Go to your rooms!”

Clearly ticked, Eric uttered, “Wow!”

As the final shot ended, an angry Dana glowered anew and a miffed Eric shook his head.

Calling into question Eric’s ethics, Dana? Wow! President George W. Bush, this is not your dad’s “kinder and gentler” FNC.

[Author’s aside: After the Five yesterday, Trump Tweeted, “Dear @kimguilfoyle, Thank you so much for your nice words today on @TheFive. Will not be forgotten!” The author has a feeling that Dana’s words may not be forgotten either.]

Gotta Laugh: Dana Pe-RINO Whine-o?

June 4, 2015

“And the Good News Is”: Rand Paul “has jumped the shark.” No surprise, George W. Bush’s self-proclaimed “number one fan” Dana Pe-Rino (as her Five co-anchor Eric Bolling former dubbed her) used her segment on the O’Reilly Factor to bash maverick Rand Paul, the libertarian, anti-establishment Republican from Kentucky. Now that W. has become more popular that the President in the latest poll, Dana is, apparently, trying to whack his brother Jeb’s rival Rand Paul with an inane allusion to the moment that Happy Days became irrelevant when Fonzi jumped the shark literally–and figuratively.

Dana may love Jasper and W.: But, she seemingly surely hates Ron Paul’s boy.The cute tomboy, who replaced dullard Scott McClellan, but who could never emulate the suave and debonair Ari Fleischer seems to be on a charm offensive on the Five and wherever she shows up on Fox News. But, if she is not careful, she should may well have to disclose her appearances as indirect donations to the the latest Bush iteration for President.

Tonight, on O’Reilly, Dana said that Rand has “jumped the shark.” Maybe, she is guilty of transference: Perchance, it is her beloved Bushes who have “jumped the shark.” After all, Jeb’s momma, Barbara Bush herself, said that the country had had “enough Bushes” in the White House.

“And the Good News Is”: Dana is a Bushie who herself may have jumped the shark as to her credibility with the GOP base.

[Author’s aside: “And the Good News Is” is a reference to Dana’s new book.]

Perino: New Weekly O’Reilly Segment

March 22, 2015

O’Reilly: “Dana Perino’s top stories of the week!” Pixie pretty Five co-host Dana Perino has a new gig: Following in the tiny footsteps of her dimunitive co-anchor Greg Gutfeld, Dana  has scored a weekly segment on FNC ratings king Bill O’Reilly’s The Factor.  Bettering her little buddy (who enjoys a regular segment entitled “What the Heck Just Happened” with Imus in the Morning executive producer Bernard McGuirk), Dana has her own segment to herself.

Announcing her good news Thursday, Dana Tweeted, “So this is happening. Tonight. New weekly segment w/ @oreillyfactor where we bat around my top stories of the weeks.”

Subsequently, when The Factor aired that night, Bill began Dana’s segment, announcing, “‘Impact Segment’ tonight! Brand new segment: Dana Perino’s top stories of the week!” Introducing her, he exclaimed, “And, here she is! Co-host of The Five, Miss [sic] Perino!” Joking he added, “[Dana’s The Five co-host Bob] Beckel would never get this!”

Congratulations, Dana!

*O’Reilly Factor (second airing) – 03/19/15 (@ 11:14 p.m. ET).

Vanilla Perino: As*, As*, Baby?

March 6, 2015

Or, a**hole, Ed Henry? Today, Five co-anchor Dana Perino and chief White House correspondent Ed Henry celebrated “good times.” Apparently, during the Real Story with Gretchen Carlson (featuring Dana), Ed revealed, “She [Dana] called me an equal opportunity blank–I won’t use the word, I think it starts with an ‘a,’ and it’s not a very nice word.”

Poor Ed should not feel too bad about Dana’s acerbic aspersion. He is in good company: Wannabe rapper “Tiny D” called her co-host and bud Greg Gutfeld an a**hole during a break on The Five about two years ago according to Five co-anchor Bob Beckel. On the other hand, the self-professed “biggest fan” of Bush 43, may have been having a flashback to the day that W infamously called that pesky, impertinent NYT reporter an “a**hole.”

Ed: an a**hole? Probably not–unless he gets on Dana’s bad side!

Eric “Explains” Kid Diss: I’m a Dog Lover!

November 19, 2013

“I got beat up all day on…the Internet!” One more thing! During the final Five segment Monday, co-anchor Eric Bolling tried to “explain” away his dissing of viral sensation toddler Beau earlier in the day on Fox & Friends (vid). Introducing his “apology,” Eric showed a few pics of Beau and his puppy pal Theo adorably cuddling as they napped and then aired the F&F clip for which Carpe Diem gave him grief for incredibly asking a mother to give her grumpy toddler to someone off screen during an interview. After the snippet ran, Eric remarked, “So that was me recommending, ‘No…keep Theo the dog, and put Beau to the side. I got beat up all day on, on the Internet!”

Looking into the camera, Eric implored, “But, you have to understand something: I’m a dog lover!” Pointing toward the viewer, he continued, “Look at this picture someone sent to me. My brother-in-law sent this to me today. That’s Freedom and me.” As a picture of a big dog licking an eyes-closed Eric on the lips appeared on the screen, Jasper‘s “mum,” fellow co-host Dana Perino exclaimed, “Oh, my god” and co-anchor Greg Gutfeld gibed, “This is perverted!” Uncowed, Eric continued, “We are BFF’s. I love that dog!”

Eric’s explanation: Feeble at best. A red herring? Yes. But, at least, he tried!

Five’s Bolling: Hasselbeck Hotter than Gretchen?

September 14, 2013

F&F’s Kilmeade: Carlson “gets a week off and then she’s back in action.” Oops! FNC Five anchor Eric Bolling and Brian Kilmeade may have been a bit too candid about the co-host change at Fox & Friends and the debut date of Gretchen Carlson‘s new FNC show Thursday.

In the penultimate segment of the Five (September 12), Eric announced that blond beauty “Elisabeth Hasselbeck will join the [F&F] team” on the following Monday.* As a frequent F&F fill-in co-host, Eric seemed especially excited to have her aboard, exclaiming, “She’s definitely bringing up the hotness chart on, on the Fox & Friends.”** Appearing to catch Eric’s seemingly unwitting slight of Gretchen who would leave her seat on the curvy couch the very next day, Five co-anchor Andrea Tantaros groaned, “Hey! Ohhh!”

Coming to Gretchen’s seeming succor, also, Five co-host Dana Perino intoned, “I’m excited for Gretchen, too, because she’ll have a show, uh, I guess, sometime during the day.” Interjecting immediately, Five guest co-host Brian Kilmeade replied, “Yeah! Sometime during the day, they’re going to announce this week that she gets a week off and then she’s back in action.” Appearing to try to cover for Brian’s apparent faux pas, Dana asked, “Just a week?” Smiling sheepishly, Brian replied, “Yeah, I think.”

On Thursday, it was definitely five o’clock at Fox News: In vino veritas, Eric and Brian? Elisabeth might not mind but Gretchen just might.

*The Five – 09/12/13 (@ 5:49 p.m. ET).

**Ibid at @ 5:51 p.m. ET.

Five’s Beckel Unhinged: [Medgar] Evers “Turncoat”

June 19, 2013

Oops! Bob bizarrely loses his civil rights mantle cred. Today, the proud self-proclaimed son of a “liberal who went into the South and was arrested 57 times in the civil rights movement registering blacks” and who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., evidenced an appalling lack of knowledge when it came to a pivotal chapter in the nations history. During a segment on black Louisiana state senator Elbert Guillory who changed from the Democratic party to the GOP, Beckel tried to impugn him by trying to recall another black Louisiana “turncoat.” Unfortunately, for Bob, it backfired on him, his co-hosts, and The Five.

In the Five block moderated by co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle,* Bob tried to push-back when his more conservative co-hosts, Kimberly, Eric Bolling, and Greg Gutfeld appeared to defend Guillory’s decision. Looking down, Beckel declared, “Louisiana has had a long history–and I wish [that] I could remember the name of this guy whose brother was a very well known civil rights activist who was I think a Congressman. And, this guy converted to the Republican Party because he was paid to convert to the Republican Party to sift off the votes from the Democrats.”

After further discussion with his conservative co-hosts (including Dana Perino) of Guillory, Bob errantly announced, “I just remembered the name of the guy who was, his brother became a turncoat.”

Derisively, Kimberly enjoined, “[‘C]ause the control room gave it to you in your ear?”

Struggling mightily, Bob stammered, “Megan, Meg, Megan, Malcolm Evers’ brother, Charles Evers’ brother, Malcolm…got, got paid money to go on the Republican Party to sift off votes the Democrat.”

To make matters even worse, when Greg asked, “Were you bringing, why, to denigrate this man’s brave,” Bob declared, “I didn’t deny what this guy’s, what he was saying but Louisiana has a history of doing this. They have a history of doing it!”

Unfortunately, Bob’s bluster ruled the day on the Five. Perhaps, just as embarrassing or even more so, none of his co-anchors nor F&F‘s vaunted control room challenged his addled version of the civil rights struggle–in Mississippi!

Clearly, a muddled Bob was referring to the Mississippi civil rights martyr Medgar Evers and his activist older brother Charles Evers. It was Medgar who died at the hands of Byron Beckwith for the cause in June 11, 1963, and Charles who took his place as field secretary of the MS NAACP. Subsequently, Charles became the mayor of Fayette in 1963 (and the NAACP’s “Man of the Year”); a gubernatorial candidate; a U.S. Senate candidate: And, in 1989, Charles switched his allegiance to the GOP.

Today in Bob’s world, Louisiana and Mississippi looked alike: “Megan” Evers, “Malcolm” Evers, Charles Evers, Medgar Evers were all one and the same, too. Not quite the civil rights account of which Bob’s Dad would be rightly proud. Nor should Bob, his co-hosts, or The Five suits.

*The Five – 06/19/13 (@ 5:38 p.m. ET)

Dana’s “Foolish Mistake”: Stealing $20 from Mom

May 19, 2013

“I did that once, Mom. Sorry!” The Five co-host Dana Perino admitted Friday that she once had sticky fingers for her mother’s moolah. During a segment on the I.R.S.’s “targeting” of conservative groups during the 2012 campaign period, Dana derided the I.R.S.’s Commissioner’s dismissal of the excessive scrutiny as “foolish mistakes”: Arching her eyebrows, Dana declared, “A foolish mistake is when you take twenty dollars from your Mom’s purse when you really shouldn’t have. That was a foolish mistake.”*

Immediately, co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle interjected, “I never did that!”

Pointing to Dana with his right thumb accusingly, co-host Greg Gutfeld responded, “She did.”

Squinting her eyes at Greg with more than a hint of agitation, Dana confessed, “I did that once, Mom. Sorry!”

The Five‘s naif Dana Perino: I’m not that innocent!

*The Five – 05/1 – 05/18/13 (@ 5:12 p.m. ET)

How Dana Perino Found Love: On the Fly!

April 4, 2013

“True story!” America’s Newsroom co-host Bill Hemmer revealed how his FNC colleague Five co-anchor Dana Perino found her hubby Peter McMahon. After an AN story on a website that told singles where the best place to find their “soul mates” last week (March 27), Bill remarked, “How many people do you know…[who]…meet a partner on an airplane and they get married? It happens!”* Shaking her head incredulously, his AN guest co-anchor Alisyn Camerota replied, “Zero!”

In riposte, Bill declared, “Zero? I do! I know several people, actually. Dana Perino is one of ’em!” Her face suddenly brightening, Aly gasped, “That’s right! I did know that.” Smiling triumphantly, Bill responded, “True story! See? I bring you the truth here, kid.”

A mile-high romance: “How Peter met Dana.”

*America’s Newsroom – 03/27/13 (@10:39 a.m. ET)

Mark Levin Barks: Perino “Bushie…Jerk”!

April 3, 2013

Dana Perino snarks: Carson less credible. Republican divide: “RINO” vs. Reaganite? Yesterday, Five co-host Dana Perino, Bush 43’s former White House Press Secretary, took a sharp jab at Dr. Ben Carson, who had appeared Monday on conservative Reagan administration aide Mark Levin‘s show. In a segment entitled “Carson Fights Back” which featured the doctor who had said on the Mark Levin Show that “a lot of white liberals” who had challenged him for coming “off the plantation” are the “most racist people there are,” Dana concurred with her co-host Bob Beckel that liberals were not losing any sleep over Carson, adding, “He has burned through so much of his credibility. He’s on every talk show every evening….He’s everywhere!”

Not surprisingly, Levin did not take lightly to Perino’s putative putdown of his program and Carson’s appearance on it. Without naming her by name, Levin snarled, “One of the people on the Five, a female, she can barely contain herself that they would play a clip of this program on the Five. She’s a Bushie!…She said…that Dr. Carson doesn’t do himself any favors going on all these cable TV programs and radio programs and going on these programs where his best interests are not taken to heart. And this former Bushie on the Five to claim that I don’t have Dr. Carson’s best interests at heart is pathetic.”

Showing that the Reagan/Rockfeller (Bush) Republican rift is alive and well, Levin growled, “Folks, I am sick of the preening, elitist, country club Republicans who don’t have a clue! Some of us are in this battle to win. We are not apologists! We take on our opponents: We put on the brass knuckles. I don’t know what she has done for this country other than serve as a spokesman for a President. But, I can tell you that many of you and I, we have been the precinct workers, we have been the litigators, we have been the activists, long before people like her were ever on the public scene.”

Concluding his counterattack, Levin roared, “Ben Carson’s under attack. And, who attacks me? And, who attacks those of us who are trying to promote his message and defend him? This jerk on The Five–who obviously has his interests at heart. Obnoxious!”

The GOP battle for the White House in 2016 is on!

Beckel Bawdy: Malkin Unamused

January 9, 2013

“Maligned” Tantaros: Don’t worry. I can handle carrots.” Five co-anchor Andrea Tantaros was almost unfazed by her co-anchor Bob Beckel who aimed his latest ribald remark squarely at her. In the penultimate segment of the Five yesterday about organic food, Andrea wielded an organic carrot and pointed it at Bob: never one to miss a moment to utter a double entendre, Bob cracked that she looked like she “could handle a hairy carrot.”* As a grinning Andrea rolled her eyes with her mouth agape in incredulity, the usually prim and proper co-anchor Dana Perino smiled and turned to co-host Eric Bolling, pleading, “Help him, Eric! Help him!”

Chuckling, Eric skillfully channeled the discussion back to the merits of organic veggies. As the segment began to conclude, Andrea, with her arms crossed in somewhat mock indignation, haltingly asked, “Are, you going to apologize?” Less than convincingly, Bob replied, “Yes, I apologize!” Grabbing a carrot from the plate, Bob protested, “But, that’s because you were waving it at my head!” As Andrea shook her head at yet another of his double entendres, Bob laughed, “My head? Whatever! I’m sorry!”

Clueless or wickedly clever, Dana interposed, “You remember the boneless chicken ranch?…The Far Side cartoon, Gary Larson did a thing about the boneless chicken ranch and the chickens were all like this [her head limp] over the fence.” Looking at Dana with a goatish gleam, an unrepentant Bob declared, “I’ve been to the Chicken Ranch [brothel (NSW)] in…Las Vegas. That sort of reminds me of a night of drinking.”

With her arms still crossed, Andrea acerbically announced, “That’s [a la boneless chicken necks] how you are going to be after this show!” Raising his voice, Bob riposted, “Alright, will you take it easy? You’re the one who talked about my–never mind!” Giggling, Andrea shook her anew at her bumbling, bumptious Bob.

Soon after the show, indignant Twitchy.com founder Michelle Malkin Tweeted, “NOT breaking: Bob Beckel said something sexually degrading and misogynist. And will get away with it. Again.” [Cf. Twitchy.com‘s “Gross: Serial misogynist Bob Beckel directs vulgar remark at Andrea Tantaros.” Seemingly, in response, Andrea Pooh-poohed the matter [comparing it to Brent Musburger’s BCS Miss Alabama mutterings], jesting, “Don’t worry. I can handle carrots, in fact so well that I hit Bob with them off screen. He’s applying for a job at ESPN as we speak.”

Apparently, Bob will be Bob. And, Andrea appears okay with that. Michelle? Not so much.

*The Five – 01/08/12 (@ 5:52 a.m. ET)

Proud Perino: “World’s Hottest Grandmother”

September 27, 2012

“One More Thing”: Do you remember what you call me? The Five co-host Dana Perino finally introduced her Scottish step grandchildren to her FNC fans. More than a year ago, then virgin Fox & Friends Weekend guest-host Dana revealed to her incredulous audience that she was a grandmother, to two Scottish children, Rachel and Sebastian: Furthermore, she mentioned that that they called her “Grandma America.” Yesterday, as The Five‘s ultimate segment concluded, Dana declared, “I have a special “One More Thing”: I have my–believe it or not–my grandchildren from Scotland…Rachel and Sebastian, are here.”

As Dana introduced Rachel and Sebastian, her hubby Peter McMahon (of twelve years) herded their two grandchildren onto the set sub rosa. As the two gathered around Dana at the table, they appeared dazed by the spotlight and virtually mute.

Looking at Rachel tenderly, Dana asked, “Do you remember what you call me?” As Rachel stared blankly ahead, Dana prompted her, saying, “Grandma America. Can you say it?” Looking at her young nana, a smiling Rachel softly answered, “Grandma America.”

Interjecting, co-anchor Greg Gutfeld risquely exclaimed, “World’s hottest grandmother!”

Without acknowledging her co-host’s impertinent compliment, Dana turned to Sebastian and asked whether he had enjoyed his earlier trip to Disney. “Yeah,” he tersely replied. Trying to draw out her  little Silent Cal, Dana queried, “What did you think of the show? This show.” As he looked quizzically at his step nana, Dana quickly declared, “They’re speechless–as are more Americans when they watch this.”

At least, that segment. Speechless that The Five‘s Dana Perino is really a grandmother. Even if “Granda America” is “the world’s hottest grandmother.”

Dana Perino: “Little Hooters”

July 27, 2012

“I would never get a job at [Hooters].” The Five co-host Dana Perino showed her saltier side early this week: on Tuesday, President Bush’s rather prim and proper Press Secretary discussed her less than bountiful bosom with uncharacteristic aplomb.* Bawdily, she posited that she could not get a job at Hooters but that she could–at Little Hooters.

During a Five segment Tuesday (transcript), the co-anchors Dana, Greg Gutfeld, Bob Beckel, Andrea Tantaros, and Eric Bolling conversed about a coffee chain being investigated for hiring mainly nubile beauties. As they spoke of various businesses doing likewise, Greg teased Dana, asking, “Dana, unlike me, you’re not gorgeous: Do you feel like you’ve lost out on many TV jobs because of this?”

Self-deprecatingly, Dana riposted, “Let’s give another example–Hooters: I would never get a job there. And there’s a reason.”

Feigning ignorance, Greg impishly replied, “I can’t even ask why.”

Seemingly, somewhat piqued at Greg’s impertinence, Dana responded, “We all know why. Okay? And, I wouldn’t apply either.”

When it was co-host Bob Beckel’s turn to weigh in on the “hotness” hiring controversy, of course, the old goat had to rib Dana all the more: he racily insisted, “Dana, you could have gotten [sic] hired at Hooters if you wanted to.”

Jauntily, Dana rejoined, “Little Hooters.”**

Dana, “Little Hooters”? Maybe. But, you are proving yourself to be one big hoot.

[Author’s aside: When the segment began to conclude, co-anchor Eric Bolling aptly added, “The only thing that’s worthy to get pick[ed] up on by media is ‘I could work at Little Hooters.'”]

*Red Eye – 07/24/12 (approximately 3:35 a.m. ET)

**N.B. LexisNexis News improperly attributes the “Little Hooters” remark to Andrea. However, its transcript evinces the error as it subsequently details Greg’s reply, “That sounds like a restaurant for kids” and Dana’s facetious response, “That’s what I meant.” Furthermore, the Five footage will reflect that fact.

Fox & Friends First: “The Four” Now?

July 14, 2012

Patti Ann Brown, Ainsley Earhardt, Heather Childers, and Heather Nauert. Possibly, following in the footsteps of The Five, Fox & Friends First may be whittling down its number of initial hosts. As readers may recall, FNC announced the debut of The Five and listed ten rotating co-anchors including the current seven and Monica Crowley, Geraldo Rivera, and Judge Andrew Napolitano: When the Five celebrated its first anniversary last Monday on Fox & Friends, F&F co-anchor Gretchen Carlson noted that its roster had been pared down to seven (the “Magnificent Seven”), i.e., Greg Gutfeld, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Bob Beckel, Andrea Tantaros, Dana Perino, Juan Williams, and Eric Bolling.

In a similar fashion, Fox & Friends First started its new run in March with a slate of co-hosts that included not only the four that seem to be now predominating F&FF airplay qua anchors, i.e., Patti Ann Brown, Ainsley Earhardt, Heather Childers, and Heather Nauert but also Dave Briggs, Juliet Huddy, Julie Banderas, Anna Kooiman, Clayton Morris, Arthel Neville, and Jamie Colby. Even though the author has heard no new F&FF announcement, it’s website may provide a hint: only Patti Ann, Ainsley, and the two Heathers have their FNC bios listed on the official F&FF website.

Five’s Dana Perino: Greg Gutfield “A**hole”

June 12, 2012

She did a bad, bad thing. The Five‘s co-anchor Dana Perino is not necessarily quite as prim and proper as she may appear on air: Apparently, the former Bush 43 White House Press Secretary learned a certain coarse epithet from her former boss. As politicos may remember, then candidate George W. Bush infamously called a New York Times reporter an “a**hole” in an overheard whisper to his running mate, Dick Cheney: Today, Dana picked up the torch on The Five as she flung the scatological appellation at her co-host Greg Gutfeld with no regrets.

During a segment titled “America’s Shrinking Wealth,” Greg illustrated the sharp decline in American family net worth over the last six years with a photo of a very diminutive Dana juxtaposed to a towering Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. As her co-hosts laughed at the strange sight, a smiling Dana self-deprecatingly said, “I have to say ‘Somebody put me in a dryer when I was little.'” Adding his usual color commentary, co-anchor Bob Beckel remarked, “You [Greg] don’t have the courage to say this, in the break, Dana said–who I’ve known for years, never says a swear word–called you an a-hole.”

Animatedly unapologetic, Dana exclaimed, “And, America agreed!” Interjecting, co-host Andrea Tantaros jested, “And, if you were in Massachusetts, we would fine you $20.” Without a hint of remorse, Dana riposted, “Gladly!”

Blame Bush, Greg.

The Five – 06/12/12 (@ 5:17 p.m. ET)

Gutfeld & Five Gals: Slap Young “F U” Turk Back?

April 26, 2012

Greg: “Lots of lonely feminist bloggers are trying to ravish me.” Without referring to Young Turks co-host and Examiner.com writer Ana Kasparian by name, Five‘s co-anchor Greg Gutfeld appeared to slap her back yesterday for her caustic “F*** you” comment to him on her show the day before. And, his Five lady co-hosts Dana Perino and Kimberly Guilfoyle had his back.

As Mediaite‘s Tommy Christopher chronicled, Kasparian “took major exception” Tuesday to a Gutfeld joke on the Five last Friday that N.O.W. had outlived its usefulness because women “can shop” now. When she reviewed the Five snippet on her program Tuesday, Kasparian decried Gutfeld’s comment as “sexist” and then acerbically exclaimed, “F*** you!” Apparently, Gutfeld was listening, or perhaps, more likely, read Christopher’s piece (which included the YT vid).

During a Five segment yesterday on the Secret Service Columbian prostitute scandal, co-host Perino referred to the phrase, “Wheels up and rings off” that she (a former Bush White House Press Secretary) used to hear “when we would go on trips.”* In response, Gutfeld jested, “When I travel, I put my wedding ring on because…usually when I go to foreign countries, lots of lonely feminist bloggers are trying to ravish me: And, the only way I can fight them off is by [sic] to tell them that I’m married.” Offering her FNC colleague distaff support, Perino curtly commented, “And, they really don’t have a sense of humor, those ladies!” Joining in the seeming push-back on Kasparian, Guifoyle sneered, “Yeah, they’ve missed a few things recently.”

Rowr! Greg and his Five gal pals: no shrinking violets.

*The Five – 04/25/12 (@ 5:40 a.m. ET)

Kimberly’s “21st Birthday”: Andrea’s 22 Shots!

March 10, 2012

Eric Bolling: “Bubblicious!” The Five co-anchor and former Victoria’s Secret model Kimberly Guilfoyle tried to play the naif Friday as she celebrated her “21st” birthday. But, co-hosts Andrea Tantaros and, yes, Dana Perino proudly let their audience know that they were “not that innocent.” As to the guys, not too surprisingly, Bob Beckel joined in as the bad boy and Eric was the good one.

When The Five returned for their penultimate segment yesterday to a strawberry shortcake birthday cake (Kimberly’s fave) and the Beatle’s “Birthday” tune, Kimberly sexily shimmied in her short red dress seated next to an appreciative Bob, who awkwardly danced along with her. Soon after the music ended, Bob announced Kimberly’s “21st birthday,” kidded her about the “special friend [that she had] brought with [her],” and asked her for her fondest memory of her “first” one. Pulling her hair back sensually, a chagrined Kimberly cooed, “So, listen. I only recently became a lot of fun, Bob: I know you may find this hard to believe.”

Randily, Bob replied, “No, baby, that’s not what I hear.”

Giggling, Kimberly responded, “That’s terrible.” Then, she continued, “But, on my twenty-first birthday, I was at UC, Davis–very nerdy, academic school….I ended up being the designated driver on my twenty-first birthday, and no one objected!…So, there I was with my glasses…so thick [that] I could see into the future. And, I was driving everybody and everyone [else] had a great time.”

Laughing, Bob riposted, “I was the designated drunk on my birthday. That’s why I can’t remember one of them.”

Subsequently, after having Kimberly blow out birthday candles, Bob asked Eric if he remembered what he did on his twenty-first birthday. Soberly, Eric responded, “I, I was knee deep in a baseball season…March of…’84 playing baseball on my way to…making a career out of baseball for a while: So, I probably didn’t celebrate as much as I could have.”

Dismissively, Bob jibed, “Really? Well, that was an interesting story. Okay, Dana?” Furrowing her eyebrows, a chuckling Dana answered, “Mine is not that great. I, it wasn’t like Kimberly where I was the designated driver. But, I just remember [that] I came home from college and there were a bunch of my friends home in Parker, Colorado, and we got together at my parents’ house.” With, a seemingly feigned nonchalance, she added, “And, I think, I guess we probably went to a bar. I don’t really, I don’t remember. It wasn’t that memorable.”

When Bob asked Andrea for her anecdote, she rhetorically queried, “So, I’m, apparently, the only one who had a great twenty-first birthday?” Smiling slightly, She remarked, “I don’t remember all that much. Isn’t that the point of a twenty-first birthday?” Elaborating, she said, “I went to a place called the Crocodile Rocks–classy, classy. My sister, who always wants to go out with me–my birthday is December 30th–so no one ever wants to go out on the 30th ’cause they don’t won’t to ruin themselves for New Year. Not my sister, though. She says, ‘We’re going to Crocodile Rocks [and] we’re inviting all your friends.” And, I did twenty-two shots.”

Amazed, Kimberly exclaimed, “No, you didn’t!” Shamelessly, Andrea answered, “I puked at sixteen but I did make it to twenty-two. As incredulous Kimberly rejoined, “How did you live through that? Are you serious?, Dana interjected, “But, why twenty-two?”  Chuckling, Andrea explained, “One for good luck. And, look where it brought me!”

Not to be outdone by Andrea, a rambling Bob replied, “I got to tell you. The only reason I remember that far back on my twenty-first birthday [is that] I was in the hospital the night of my twenty-first birthday because I got drunk and I was walking out of a bar and I fell over a bunch of garbage cans that had glass in them and I cut myself a little bit. That wasn’t so bad except that I rolled in it for fun and then I went to the hospital. But, I was okay….But, I don’t remember much of it.”

Subsequently, wrapping up Kimberly’s birthday segment, Bob asked his co-hosts for one word to describe the birthday babe. Eric exclaimed, “Bubblicious!” Dana chimed, “Sweet,” and Andrea answered, “Fun.” Perhaps, just a little jealous of Kimberly “special friend” off cam, a seemingly smitten Bob stammered, “Unbelievable, Baby! Yeah, no, really, you’re great. You’re wonderful….We love you and, and I know other people do, too, here in the building.” Knowingly, Kimberly chuckled, “A couple!”

Five fun: 21, 22, and Kimberly’s “couple.”

Wallace Repentant? “Happy” if Paul Wins

December 15, 2011

Bushie no more? Fox News Sunday anchor Chris Wallace seemed to distance himself from his GOP establishment colleagues, e.g., Karl Rove, Dana Perino, etc. today. After pontificating yesterday on FNC’s “Your World with Neil Cavuto” that a Ron Paul victory would “discredit the Iowa caucuses,” Wallace chose a decidedly different tack this morning when Happening Now co-host Jon Scott asked him what a Paul win would mean in Iowa. With his sails more neatly trimmed, Wallace responded, “I don’t mean in any way to denigrate Ron Paul….I fully understand why his…millions of supporters across the country but thousands here in Iowa are so supportive of him.”*

Elaborating, he continued, “But, I think it is fair to say [that] he is a long shot for the Republican nomination. And, to the degree that people look at these States and say, ‘Are they picking a President?,” if they were to pick Paul, I think a lot of the–and, maybe, we’re not so smart–but a lot of the smart guys in the media and in the Republican party would say, ‘Well, that’s kind of an aberration.” Apparently, repentant, he added, “Now, it may be that Ron Paul proves us wrong, and I’d be happy if he did because it would be a very exciting race.”

Chris Wallace: fair and balanced? Trying.

*Happening Now – 12/15/11 (@ 12:11 a.m. ET)

Guilfoyle: My Catholic School Girl Outfit

October 25, 2011

Perino: No, not doing it. No! Rowr! Yesterday The Five‘s co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle scared her more Victorian co-anchor Dana Perino with her sexy selections of Halloween costumes. But, not surprisingly, she sent a thrill up the legs of her rakish male co-anchors, Greg Gutfeld, Bob Beckel, and Eric Bolling.

In the final The Five block, the co-hosts discussed two New Jersey schools that had banned students from wearing Halloween garb on the holiday. After Kimberly and Dana dissed the odd decisions, Greg goatishly interjected, “By the way, Kimberly, what…did you normally wear? Smiling seductively and pumping her hands as if they held pom poms, she answered, “I was a Notre Dame cheerleader. I still have the outfit and the pom poms!”

Seduced by their favorite former Victoria’s Secret model, Kimberly’s male co-anchors were enraptured. Priapically, Beckel queried, “Did you have a short skirt?” Grinning randily, Greg demanded, “You got to wear it on Halloween. You have to wear it this Friday.” Equally enamored, co-host Eric Bolling interjected, “This is a very important discussion topic we’ve been having. Are we going to wear Halloween costumes on Monday Halloween? Yes or no?”

Clearly enjoying the heightened testosterone that she had engendered, a beaming Kimberly chuckled. Meanwhile, perhaps, overly exercised, Beckel began to cough repeatedly. Turning to him with a smile, Kimberly teased, “Bob needs mouth-to-mouth again. Are you okay?”

Later, as the segment ended, Eric declared, “Email us at The Five. Tell us what you’d like each one of us, what costume each one of us…should wear.” Prudishly, Dana interjected, “No, not doing it! No!” As both Beckel and Greg enthusiastically agreed with Eric and the camera began to pan away, Kimberly provocatively concluded, “I could wear my Catholic school girl one!”

The Five‘s Halloween: as Glenn Frey once said, “the heat is on.”

The Five’s Beckel: Bolling Saved My Life

October 14, 2011

“You’re a reluctant hero, my friend.” A grateful The Five co-host Bob Beckel revealed yesterday that his conservative co-anchor “nemesis” Eric Bolling saved his life shortly before the show. After Bolling opened the program with a query about the latest GOP jobs bill, he turned to co-anchor Greg Gutfeld for his opinion. Grinning as if on cue, Gutfeld replied, “I can’t discuss this story until we acknowledge what happened this afternoon”: then, pointing to Beckel for the obligatory explanation, he said, “Bob.”

Looking down at the table soberly, Beckel replied, “I guess you can’t make these things up….I have a couple of people to thank. We were having a celebratory lunch for The Five, the kickoff of The Five, and I choked. Literally choked, I mean I couldn’t breathe at all.”

Continuing somberly, Beckel remarked, “And, the boss of bosses here at Fox, Roger Ailes, stood up and gave me the Heimlich [maneuver]….He couldn’t get his arms all the way around me but he loosened it up enough.” Putting his hand on Bolling’s shoulder, an appreciative Beckel stammered, “And, then my brother here saved my, my, my existence because he got it out.”

Then, as he added, “And, it’s been a long and rough day…but I want to thank everybody for what he did,” co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle tenderly carressed his arm. Subsequently, Beckel dutifully cautioned viewers not to eat too fast, particularly big shrimp as he had. Interjecting, Gutfeld exclaimed, “You scared the hell out of us!” Feeling “the love,” Beckel replied, “I know I did, and I apologize for that. But, anyway, let’s get moving on.”

However, before they did, Bolling got the crew to declare the day “Bob Day” and maternal co-anchor Dana Perino reminded Beckel that it is not so smart to cry “wolf.” Pointing her pencil at him and arching her eyes, she gently chided, “Remember…it was just a week ago when you and I were in Atlanta together where you faked a heart attack and I thought it was real. So, today I was like, ‘Uh, okay, what is he doing now? Okay.’ And, then I kept talking to the neighbor on my left, and then I realized it was real.” Adding a little levity, Perino declared that had Bolling not been there, she would have had “to drop the atomic elbow” on him.

Chuckling Bowling interposed, “Can we get back to jobs now?”” Looking over at Bowling thankfully, Beckel declared, “You’re a reluctant hero, my friend. You a reluctant hero.” Seemingly somewhat embarrassed, Bowling replied, “God bless. Thank God it all worked out great.”

Indeed. Glad you’re still with us, Bob! And, kudos, Eric, for saving the day–and Bob’s life!

Author’s aside: For The Five footage, cf. J$P Video.


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