Archive for March, 2015

F&F’s Faux Pas: New “Popped Culture”

March 30, 2015

Elisabeth: “We’re going to take a look at the lighter side of celebrity news and our first story is an update on actor Harrison Ford’s condition.” Yes, Fox & Friends’ co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck so introduced FNC marketing veep Michael Tammero‘s brand new segment “Popped Culture” this morning.* Sorry, Calista!

In response to Elisabeth’s strange segue, Michael intoned, “Three weeks after crashing his plane into a California golf course, Harrison Ford is out of the hospital: The seventy-two-year-old actor reported spotted driving in Los Angeles. Ford not in the clear just yet: The crash left him with serious head wounds as well as a broken ankle and pelvis which he will likely need therapy for.”

Apparently, Ford’s wife Calista Flockhart did not see her hubby’s accident as “the lighter side of celebrity news”: Purportedly, she has forbidden him to fly his own plane again. If the reader views this graphic photo of Ford after his accident (via PerezHilton.com), s/he may agree with the former FOX femme fatale Ally McBeal.

“Popped Culture”: A recovering broken cinematic icon “the lighter side of celebrity news”? Not quite, Elisabeth!

[Author’s aside: Perhaps, F&F‘s copy editor was on spring break in Panama City with Ainsley Earhardt and the rest of Hannity‘s wayward crew (“Spring break 2015 exposed in Panama City Beach” vid): Tammero’s next story on the birth of Carrie Underwood‘s baby had a picture of her newborn subtitled, “Bundle of Joy: Carried (sic) Unerwood (sic) Shares First Pic of Baby.”]

*Fox & Friends – 03/30/15 (@ 6:37 a.m. ET).

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Sen. Scott Brown: “Mr. Vice President…Get Your Hands Off My Wife!”

March 23, 2015

Guest Fox & Friends Weekend co-host: “He just had his hand on her back and it just kept going lower and lower.” Last Saturday, guest F&FW co-anchor and former U.S. Senator Scott Brown (R-MA) regaled viewers with a personal anecdote about the roving hand of the amiable Vice President of the United States–on his wife.

At the bottom of the second hour, F&FW returned after a commercial break with a joke by Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon about the President and the Vice President. Segueing from that jest, F&FW co-host Tucker Carlson remarked, “But, speaking of our unusually effervescent Vice President, Scott Brown, you know him: You kind of had an amazing experience with the Vice President.”

As Tucker and F&FW co-host Anna Kooiman gleefully turned to him for his story, Scott nodded, saying, “Yeah, I actually like the Vice President: He does have a good sense of humor.” Sighing, he continued, “But, yeah, we, you know, we have had many encounters with the [Vice] President and referenced one yesterday on O’Reilly where…the [Vice] President, when I was getting sworn in, had his hands where I didn’t think was inappropriate.” Subsequently, producers aired a clip of a portion of his swearing in ceremony: Elaborating, Scott revealed, “I said, ‘Mr. Vice President–I said it to his Secret Service–I don’t care if you’re the Vice President or not, get your hands off my wife!”

Chiming in sympathetically, Ann said, “So, you’re being sworn in…and the Vice President is not touching your wife the way that you wanted him to.”

In response, Scott stammered, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, we, we all have a sense of humor. And, at the end, my wife’s like, ‘Is this how things are supposed to be in Washington?'”

Demanding more details, Tucker queried, “So, what did he do?”

In answer, Scott replied, “Ah, listen, he just had his hand on her back and it kept going lower and lower. And, you know, it is what it is.”

Tucker exclaimed, “Well, that’s unbelievable!”

Coming to the Vice President’s defense somewhat, Scott declared, “Listen, he’s a very, very touchy-feelly guy: He’ll come up to you and he’ll give you a hug, guy or girl. So, I don’t want to make it seem like it was…completely inappropriate [but] it did, I felt, crossed the line a little bit.” Giving the Veep a bit of a break, he concluded, “It’s just Joe being Joe…so I don’t hold it again him.”

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/21/15 (@ 7:34 a.m. ET).

 

Perino: New Weekly O’Reilly Segment

March 22, 2015

O’Reilly: “Dana Perino’s top stories of the week!” Pixie pretty Five co-host Dana Perino has a new gig: Following in the tiny footsteps of her dimunitive co-anchor Greg Gutfeld, Dana  has scored a weekly segment on FNC ratings king Bill O’Reilly’s The Factor.  Bettering her little buddy (who enjoys a regular segment entitled “What the Heck Just Happened” with Imus in the Morning executive producer Bernard McGuirk), Dana has her own segment to herself.

Announcing her good news Thursday, Dana Tweeted, “So this is happening. Tonight. New weekly segment w/ @oreillyfactor where we bat around my top stories of the weeks.”

Subsequently, when The Factor aired that night, Bill began Dana’s segment, announcing, “‘Impact Segment’ tonight! Brand new segment: Dana Perino’s top stories of the week!” Introducing her, he exclaimed, “And, here she is! Co-host of The Five, Miss [sic] Perino!” Joking he added, “[Dana’s The Five co-host Bob] Beckel would never get this!”

Congratulations, Dana!

*O’Reilly Factor (second airing) – 03/19/15 (@ 11:14 p.m. ET).

Kelly’s “R-rated” File

March 16, 2015

Megyn: “It’s Friday night [and] it’s almost 10 o’clock, so we…can get away with a little more–I think.” Gallagher’s “penis pattern”! Last Friday night, Kelly File co-anchor Megyn Kelly was blushing and she liked it. Known by her longtime fans as a rather racy dame, the whilom GQ pinup [article with pics] gave her weekend audience a wicked tease.

Promoting FNC reporter Trace Gallagher‘s aviation segment toward the end of her show, Megyn provocatively chuckled, “Up next, the R-rated story of a pilot with a naughty sense of humor with a remarkable sense of direction!”* Subsequently, after the commercial break, Megyn segued to Trace, exclaiming, “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a–what! Blushing, she said, “Something shocking was revealed in the Florida skies when someone watching a flight-track website noticed a private plane had flown a very private path!”**

Taking Megyn’s toss, Trace elaborated, “This actually happened in the sky over Disney World….But, rest assured nobody who was wandering ‘the happiest place on earth’ saw anything filling the sky because this was not a giant sky penis it was a radar penis only visible to those who happened to be on Flight Tracker 24.” As Trace explained the path pattern the pilot took, a full-screen graphic was shown with a moving line that drew the male organ with its twin accoutrements. Subsequently, Trace bawdily concluded, “By the way, this aeronautical artist was doing his indecent doodling in a single engine airplane: You know, a private pilot sketching a private part. And, of course, not that size matters but this pattern was about eighteen miles long. Megyn.”

In response, Megyn blushed anew and partially hiding her face with her right hand coyly. Grinning naughtily, Megyn cooed, “You know, it’s Friday night, it’s almost 10 o’clock, so…we can get away with a little more, I think.”

Indeed, Megyn.

*The Kelly File (rerun) – 03/14/15 (@ 4:49 a.m. ET).

**Ibid (@ 4:53 a.m. ET).

 

F&FW Oops! TEEN Alcohol Safety

March 14, 2015

FNC “Medical A Team” doc: “We want teenagers to be careful about mixing this stuff (Palcohol) with…other alcohols.” Oops! FNC Medical A Team’s Dr. David Samadi made a Biden-like Washington gaffe this morning on Fox & Friends Week in his interview with co-hosts Anna Kooiman and Clayton Morris and guest co-anchor Peter Doocy: He told the truth. To make matters worse, he told the truth about teens and alcohol and most Americans’ real attitude about the mix thereof.

In his F&FW segment on Palchohol, a powdered alcohol that can be concocted to turn water into a variety of potent potations, Dr. Samadi remarked that Palchohol could “be abused by teenagers”: that it could be easily concealed, and that it could be carried to bars and nightclubs.* He explicated, “My concern is that some of these powdered ingredients could be very, very powerful. So, as we’ve seen with powdered caffeine that were like twenty times more potent than a regular cup of coffee, this could also be extremely dangerous….Now, if it really is that powerful, it can affect your liver [and] it can effect your pancreas, and the last thing you need is for teenagers to get into this kind of trouble…[which]…could be irreversible.”

As a cautionary conclusion, Dr. Samadi declared, “We want teenagers to be careful about mixing this stuff [Palcohol] with other kind of caffeine and [with] other alcohols.”

Oops! Dr. Samadi told the truth: Most Americans know that many teens will drink, and they hope they do it safely–even if they should not be drinking at all.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/14/15 (@6:53 a.m. ET).

Vanilla Perino: As*, As*, Baby?

March 6, 2015

Or, a**hole, Ed Henry? Today, Five co-anchor Dana Perino and chief White House correspondent Ed Henry celebrated “good times.” Apparently, during the Real Story with Gretchen Carlson (featuring Dana), Ed revealed, “She [Dana] called me an equal opportunity blank–I won’t use the word, I think it starts with an ‘a,’ and it’s not a very nice word.”

Poor Ed should not feel too bad about Dana’s acerbic aspersion. He is in good company: Wannabe rapper “Tiny D” called her co-host and bud Greg Gutfeld an a**hole during a break on The Five about two years ago according to Five co-anchor Bob Beckel. On the other hand, the self-professed “biggest fan” of Bush 43, may have been having a flashback to the day that W infamously called that pesky, impertinent NYT reporter an “a**hole.”

Ed: an a**hole? Probably not–unless he gets on Dana’s bad side!

Clayton Fails History–Again!

March 5, 2015

Cane him! Morris maligns Democratic president anew. Forgetful Fox & Friends guest co-host Clayton Morris still can not get his history straight when it comes to the seventh President of the United States, Andrew Jackson. Over six years ago, self-proclaimed history buff Clayton accused “Old Hickory” of caning someone in the Senate: Today, he maligned President Jackson once again, saying, that he was called “‘Old Hickory’ [be]cause he went into the Senate floor with the cane” (and feigned to swish an imaginary cane as if he were whipping a hapless lad).*

Once again, Carpe Diem must defend one of America’s few democratic [little “d”] Presidents from Clayton’s “history lessons.” President Jackson got his nickname “‘Old Hickory’ because [his soldiers] said he was strong and straight as a hickory tree,” not because he beat some legislator senseless: Rather, it was South Carolina Congressman Preston Brooks who caned Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner with the cane of which Clayton spoke. Six years ago, it was during a “Bad Hair Club for Men” segment that Clayton make his spurious assertion: today, it was during a segment on the twenty dollar bill (citing Jackson’s “beautiful head of hair”).

N.B.: As George Santayana once said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Unfortunately, Clayton did not remember today: And, so, he was so condemned to repeat his own history. Cane Clayton? Perhaps, if he does it again!

Step it up, Clayton!

*Fox & Friends – 03/05/15 (@ 8:10 a.m. ET).

Chris Cuomo: “I Gave Up Booze”

March 4, 2015

“Which was a HUGE mistake!” Poor New Day co-anchor Chris Cuomo is regretting his Lent sacrifice–big time. After a segment on a woman wearing a hijab for Lent, Chris remarked, “I gave up for Lent!”

Quizzically, his co-host Alisyn Camerota queried, “You gave up?…You gave up Lent?”

Turning to Aly, the proud Italian Catholic exclaimed, “I’ll never give up Lent.”* Elaborating, he remarked, “I gave up booze which was a huge mistake!” When his co-anchors, Aly and Michaela Pereira, laughed, he made strange noises (“he, he, he, he”) and shook his hands repeatedly as if he had delirium tremens. Then, turning serious, he said, “We [Catholics] also make sure that we try to do something: You’re supposed to try to do something affirmative.”

Putting her hand on Chris’ shoulder, Aly asked, “What are you doing for others?” Chuckling, Chris jested, “Some would say not drinking!” Smiling, Aly replied, “That’s right!” As Aly giggled, Chris continued, “But, it’s not helping me! I’ll tell you that right now!”

Hang in there, Chris: Easter Sunday is only a month and a day away!

*New Day – 03/04/15 (@ 8:17 a.m. ET).