Bob Out Again: Juan In!

Five: About time? The Five co-host Bob Beckel, the liberal buffoon–who was “likeable enough” as former President Obama might characterize him–was fired Friday, allegedly “making an insensitive remark to an African-American” who reportedly “came to service his computer,” telling [him] that he was leaving his office because he is Black [sic]”: Ironically, unless The Five finds a fill-in, he will apparently be permanently replaced by his alternate liberal co-host, the very likable, knowledgeable African-American Juan Williams who lost his job at NPR for an allegedly “insensitive remark” about Muslims on FNC (O’Reilly Factor.) You cannot make this stuff up.

Self-admitted former substance abuser Bob was known for his cursing and crudeness on The Five but he was like the drunk on the bar stool next to you that amuses you as long as he does not spill beer on you or grab your girlfriend in a fresh fashion. But, he seemed to have a good heart as he mentored those who suffered from substance abuse.

Sometimes Bob’s tomfoolery made for good TV: But, when Juan Williams rotated in for him, the viewer wondered why Juan did not have the liberal seat full-time. In 2015, Bob was let go from The Five with former FNC honcho Bill Shine, saying, “We tried to work with Bob for months, but we couldn’t hold The Five hostage to one’s personal issues. He took tremendous advantage of our generosity, empathy and goodwill and we simply came to the end of the road with him.”  In 2017, Bob returned to the show: FNC chief Rupert Murdoch remarked, “Bob was missed by many fans of The Five and we’re happy to welcome him back to the show.

The author initially found this account re Bob highly suspect. The he remembered that Bob had referred to Chinese as “Chinamen,” a term which he understands that some consider derogatory and others may not. Regardless, it seemed to indicate an insensitivity in that regard. As to the aforementioned account re his latest termination, Bob appears to have crossed the Rubicon re racial remarks in seeming to question the ability of the IT guy because of his race.

When The Five aired later on Friday night, Bob’s name and fate were noticeably not found anywhere on the lips of his co-hosts Kimberly Guilfoyle, Jesse Watters, Dana Perino, or Greg Gutfeld. However, where Bob had last sat was predictably Juan Williams. And, presumably, he will now finally be The Five‘s resident liberal.

O’Reilly Out: Carlson In

Five replaces Carlson; Bolling replaces Five; and Watters replaces Bolling. Yesterday, FNC honcho Rupert Murdoch “caved”: Joined his boys James and Lachlan in dethroning the King of Cable Bill O’Reilly (statement)–while O’Reilly was on vacation. And, O’Reilly did not get the last word on his once eponymous show last night newly named simply The Factor.

Rather, The Factor fill-in host Dana Perino solemnly declared, “Finally, tonight, it is the end of an era here at the Fox News Channel….Bill O’Reilly is leaving this chair and this network after more than twenty years. Bill has been the undisputed king of cable news, and for good reason: He is an incredibly talented broadcaster who raised the bar for interviewers everywhere; he has also held his staff to exacting standards in his quest to put the best possible program on the air and they are great; and you his audience responded in record numbers making The Factor the number one cable news show for more than sixteen years.” Trying to soften the blow to O’Reilly’s fans further, Dana declared, “In a memo to the staff today, Rupert, James, and Lachlan Murdoch who run Fox News described Bill this way, [saying], “By ratings standards, Bill O’Reilly is one of the most accomplished TV personalities in the history of cable news. In fact, his success by any measure is indisputable. We wish him the very best.”

Even though the Murdochs recently re-signed their FNC flagship anchor and top revenue generator to an 18-million-per-year contract, they decided to  jettison O’Reilly amid the continuing allegations of sexual harassment. According to the New York Times, Fox luminaries Rebecca Gomez (2011), Laurie Dhue (2016), and Juliet Huddy (2016) have received settlements: Furthermore, reportedly, erstwhile Outnumbered regular Andrea Tantaros‘s psychologist Michele Berdy said under oath that Andrea “complained to me about recurring unwanted advances from Bill O’Reilly.” To boot, the New York Daily News reported, “On the day before he [O’Reilly] was booted, a black colleague said a leering O’Reilly shamelessly ogled her cleavage and nicknamed her ‘Hot Chocolate.'”

Not amused, O’Reilly responded to his firing, saying, “It is tremendously disheartening that we [Fox News and O’Reilly] part ways due to completely unfounded claims. But that is the unfortunate reality many of us in the public eye must live with today. I will always look back on my time at Fox with great pride in the unprecedented success we achieved and with my deepest gratitude to all my dedicated viewers.” [For full statement, link here.]

As to O’Reilly’s dedicated viewers, they will now have “a new evening and prime time lineup” according to Fox News. As of Monday (April 24),  Tucker Carlson Tonight will replace the recently renamed O’Reilly Factor (to The Factor); The Five will follow with the usual cast of Kimberly Guilfoyle, Greg Gutfeld, Dana Perino, Juan Williams, and Bob Beckel with the addition of Jesse Watters to take Eric Bolling‘s middle chair (April 24); Bolling gets his own show in the old The Five slot at 5:00 p.m. ET (May 1).

Coaxing his own Tucker Carlson Tonight viewers to make the jump to the new time last night, Tucker concluded his show saying, “There is change coming to Fox News, the channel and to this program: Starting Monday, we are moving to 8 p.m. Eastern Time. You’ve made the journey with us from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m.: We hope you’ll come along once more and join us an hour earlier.” Graciously, he aptly added, “We’ve got big shoes to fill: We’re going to do our best.”

Indeed, Tucker does have big shoes to fill: Whether O’Reilly devotees will give Tucker that chance remains to be known. And, to whether FNC fans cotton to James and Lachlan’s kinder, gentler Fox News is another issue altogether: Their father Rupert had the Midas touch with his “Mad Men” mentality. Going PC may be FNC’s folly: Alchemy in reverse.

Bob Beckel: “Comrade Trump”

Showing his backside once again. Bring back Juan! Five co-host Bob Beckel once again showed his uncivil side by referring to the President of the United States as Comrade Trump during a discussion of POTUS’ pick of Lt. General H. R. McMaster as national security advisor. Proclaiming the general a “real hero during the Desert War,” he then acerbically remarked, “He’s known as a fiscal hawk; I mean, he wants to spend a lot of money as does Comrade Trump.”* Chastening her disrespectful colleague, co-anchor Dana Perino exclaimed, “Bob!” Echoing Dana’s reproof, co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle chided, “Bob!” Turning to Bob, co-anchor Eric Bolling upbraided him, saying, “Can we just, can we stop with Comrade Trump? Can we do it?” Responding in an unusually surly fashion, Bob answered, “No! No! No!”

Requesting a soupcon of civility, Eric asked, “Can we just, just for right now? Can we do it?” For the man who saved his life (from choking), he replied, “For right now? Okay, for you I’ll do it for right now.” Optimistically, Eric responded, “Let’s try it one show at a time!” Unfortunately, being truthful, Bob answered, “Well, I won’t commit to that! I said it to this question.”

Bring back co-anchor Juan Williams! If Bob will not be respectful to the President of the United States of America and derides him as Comrade Trump on an FNC opinion/news show, perhaps, he should leave The Five again or get some common comity. Liberal, civil, brilliant Juan Williams can always easily fill that chair with real class.

*The Five – 02/20/16 (@ 5:03 p.m. ET).

Uncensored Dana: “Fu**ing Camel”!

Greg: “Could you watch your language, young lady?” Riding a camel with her The Five co-host Greg Gutfeld, Dana Perino sounded a mite like her former co-host Bob Beckel today. In a vid clip aired from their visit to the Columbus Zoo on their bus tour to Cleveland, Ohio, for the GOP Presidential convention, Dana got somewhat salty in her language. After The Five co-anchors watched the “free-range” lions who were not to be fed according to the zookeeper’s orders to Greg, Dana mounted the dromedary and then Greg struggled mightily to get on behind her.

Bizarrely, or, perchance, after a few drinks of her fave vino, Dana unsympathetically exclaimed, “It isn’t, it’s not a fu**ing camel!”*

Chastening his usually chaste co-host on her vulgarity but not her inanity, Greg irascibly retorted, “Could you watch your language, young lady?”

Strangely, producers did not bleep out Dana’s obscenity. But, perhaps, they wanted to proclaim to viewers that Dana is no priggish prude: Rather, she can get naughty on occasion–but, probably, not quite like her comely co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle!

*The Five – 07/18/16 (@ 5:40 p.m. ET).

Update: J$P (Johnny Dollar’s Place) vid link: http://video.foxnews.com/v/video-embed.html?video_id=5040699610001

 

Steve Doocy: “Please laugh!”

Jeb Bush: “Please Clap!” This morning, Fox & Friends seemed to signal the end of the Jeb Bush candidacy to be the Presidential standard barrier for the GOP. Not that “JEB!” necessarily needed the hint.

Today, F&F seemed to indicate Bush 3 was toast–as if anyone else needed to know, too. At the bottom of the first F&F hour, producers aired a segment of “The Tonight Show” Jimmy Fallon ridiculing Bush scion “JEB!” as someone who “still knows how to work a crowd.”* In the painful snippet, Jeb said, “I think the next President needs to be a lot quieter but send a signal that we’re prepared to act in the national security interests of this country: To get back in the business of creating a more peaceful world. Please clap!”

After Fallon bowled over in laughter in the clip after the Bush bumble, he derisively remarked, “For the love of God, can I get a, like an awkward cough, anything, a nod? Can you move? Come on!”

When the camera returned to co-host Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and co-host Sandra Smith, Steve deadpanned, “Boy, that was funny! Please laugh!”

Ducking his head sheepishly, Brian replied, “Right!” Chiming in, Sandra exclaimed, “Uncomfortable!” Coming to the defense of the brother of his sometimes golfing buddy, 43, Brian stammered, “Well, look! In some polls, he’s as high as uh, uh second place in New Hampshire.”

Incredulous, Steve retorted, “Really? What polls?”

Smiling unconvincingly, Brian replied, “He’s coming up!”

Chiding Steve for his frankness, a smiling Sandra chided, “Now! Now!”

Poor JEB! When his only defense is from Kilmeade, a “W” acolyte a la former White House press secretary Dana Perino of The Five, things are not looking up for the Bush dynasty. Or, the GOP establishment.

“Please clap!,” or, “please laugh”! That’s the divide of the GOP–and the FNC.

*Fox & Friends – 02/04/16 (@ 6:32 a.m. ET).

 

Timpf: Coulter Light?

Katherine: Hillary is a criminal! The Five guest co-host Katherine Timpf came across today as a wannabe hipster mean girl. In her first time as co-anchor of The Five, apparently, the FNC contributor and National Review writer derided Senator Ted Cruz as Trump Lite; dismissed Governor Chris Christie as a virtual has-been a la Al Bundy; derided former Mike Huckabee as an embarrassing, bumbling comedian, and dubbed Dem front runner Secretary Hillary Clinton “a criminal.”

The Five regulars, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Eric Bolling, and Dana Perino took Katherine in stride initially–when she criticized Cruz: In fact, W.’s self-professed “number one fan,” Dana beamed when Katherine mocked Cruz as Trump Lite and she woefully tried to impersonate him (and said that she was glad that she could not).

In a subsequent segment, Katherine criticized Christie as one who had missed his chance and as one who is “kinda like a dude who peaked in high school that still has some of that confidence but he’s [sic] kinda knows he’s kidding himself.” Not amused at her flippant aspersion, Dana sternly answered, “Hmmm, I disagree. But, we don’t have enough time.”

Later (in a segment about the U.S. accepting Syrian refugee immigration into the U.S.), Katherine mocked Huckabee after a Five clip of the CNN GOP Presidential debater, saying, “If it’s such a doggone good idea to bring people here that we really don’t know who they are and [President] Obama thinks that we’re being un-Christian to not do it, I’ve got a suggestion: Let’s send the first wave of ’em to Chappaqua, Martha’s Vineyard, and the Upper East Side of Manhattan, and to the South Lawn of the White House where we’ll set up a camp. Let’s see how that works out: And, if they behave wonderfully, that’s fine.” Sounding as if she were still on Red Eye rather than a real news show, Katherine sarcastically queried, “Was that kind of a joke? Was he kinda making a joke? It’s always hard to tell is why I don’t know why he makes jokes.  Very nice guy, but was he actually saying that we should send refugees to Martha’s Vineyard?…Even if he’s annoyed by the liberals, I don’t think that he should want terrorists there…Whenever he makes a joke…I’m always just sitting there like “Whah?”

Coming to the defense of her former colleague, Kimberly riposted, “You’re not getting a Christmas card from him for sure!” Defensively, Katherine replied, “I said [that] he was a nice guy, and I really do believe, but that doesn’t mean that you’re great at the, the jokes.” Cuttingly, Kimberly retorted, “That’s what you’re here for!”

But, Katherine’s contretemps were not yet over.

Later, in her very own segment, Katherine moderated a segment entitled, “Hillary Jokes on Campaign Trail: ‘I Don’t Have Horns.” When she turned to Juan about the former Secretary’s jest, he said that Hillary’s style, leadership, and background were the reason people like her. In response, Katherine exclaimed, “I don’t think anyone likes her: I don’t like her!…She’s a criminal….Usually, criminals are, at least, exciting. She’s a criminal and she’s boring: I would rather look at my hand than listen to her speak!”

When the camera panned from a seemingly clueless Katherine to an incredulous Dana, it caught Dana clenching her teeth, arching her eyebrows,  and clenching her arms tightly.

Apparently, trying to throw herself a lifeline, Katherine queried, “Kimberly, you know the Clintons, right?” Blushing and chuckling, Kimberly exclaimed, “Yes!”

Continuing apace, Katherine asked, “Is there anything you like about her, anything about her at all?” Nodding her head naughtily, Kimberly answered, “I like Bill!”

Chiming in mischievously, Eric Bolling chuckled, “He likes you!” Nodding, and reddening all the more, Kimberly responded, “He’s been very good to me. Yes, very nice!”

Changing topics quickly, Kimberly added, “Um, so, Hillary, you know, I’m not a big Hillary Clinton fan: It’s no secret, actually, but for very good reasons….She is not a candidate that I find to be trustworthy, that I find to be competent, or to have excelled in the areas of foreign policy and national security plus as a former prosecutor, I don’t like people who have a loose relationship with the truth and a total disregard and disdain for the laws of the land.”

Concurring, Katherine declared, “Right, and…she’s not even likable while she’s doing it: She’s also boring!”

Long flowing tresses, black hipster glasses, and a short black skirt on a blond beauty may be aesthetically pleasing at FNC: But, they do not an “FNC fox” make. Smarts and not-so-uncommon sense count, too. As WFB spins in his grave, Katherine, you may want to consult the National Review archives for a timely tutorial from that sage, prescient conservative icon on political commentary.

Perino Goes Pe-loco?

Dana accuses her Five co-host Eric Bolling of shady ethics? In a made-for-TV moment yesterday, FNC Five co-host Dana Perino became unhinged as she attacked her co-host Eric Bolling over his defense of the latest entrant to the GOP presidential race, Donald Trump. The caustic exchange left Dana glowering into the camera and a non-too-amused Eric shaking his head at her.

Dana, W’s self-professed number one fan, may just have to recuse herself from the Five for the duration of the election if she is not too careful. The former White House press secretary of President George W. Bush, apparently, can not brook the thought of any unconventional Republican standing in the way of W’s little brother Jeb!‘s ascension to the throne. Approximately, two weeks ago, she was proclaiming that Jeb! basher Senator Rand Paul had “jumped the shark” and appeared gleeful to shiv this libertarian rival on the O’Reilly Factor: Today, she was happy to wield the mace to go at Eric and, by extension, Jeb!’s lastest critic, The Donald.

Actually, it was humorous in a schadenfreude fashion. In the “A block” yesterday [FNC vid], Dana seemed genuinely outraged that co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle and Eric would take the flamboyant billionaire seriously, especially, as to his saying he would build a southern border wall and make Mexico pay it.

In her “A block” segment, Kimberly said that Trump was adopting the “Walmart/Kmart approach” by getting the U.S. to “charge everybody for everything” to “make a profit in America”: Chiming in, Eric endorsed The Donald’s take on getting tough on Mexico (among other countries) and said that he was making the other candidates think. In response, Dana was aghast: Haltingly, she sputtered, “I don’t know what to say.”

Derisively, Dana remarked, “I understand…[that]…it feels good to hear that a President of the United States is going to bring back all of our jobs from China and Japan [but] it is so divorced from reality. As Eric turned toward her, she seemingly took a shot at him, saying, “I think you got to take this more seriously: At least, I do! And, I, I’m surprised at some of the people who actually think that some of this would work, especially, given that their other positions are that, for example, executive actions are not something that we should have; we should not have an imperial Presidency.”

Subsequently, co-hosts Greg Gutfeld and Juan Williams gave their takes, respectively, reducing Trump to an exemplar of hubris and showmanship. When Eric came to Trump’s defense, Juan rejoined, “If you’re a serious Republican, do you think that you are helped with him by having him on the same stage with you?” Eric exclaimed, “Yes! No, no: I don’t think you’re helped personally but I think the America people are helped because now they have to address some of the things that Donald Trump addresses that these guys [other candidates] don’t want to talk about.”

Jumping in, Dana scornfully asked, “[D]o you actually think that…the moderator [in a GOP debate] should say, ‘Mr. Rubio, Trump says that he is going to bring back all of the jobs from China: How do you respond?’ And, like all of the candidates are supposed to respond to that!” Then she snarked, “How actually is Donald Trump’s [sic] going to bring all of the jobs from China!”

Subsequently, turning to Eric, Dana acerbically queried, “How would you answer…’how you would bring all the jobs back from China?'” Eric replied, “First of all, I don’t that Donald ever said that he would bring back all of the jobs from China: But, he, he certainly would bring back some of the jobs from China.”

Outraged at Eric’s impertinence, Dana shouted, “He said it in his speech yesterday!” Accusatorily, she stuttered, “no, th, th, that, covering up for him is actually wrong! And, I understand that you have a deal that you’re trying to work on with him. I saw the Twitter last night! I just don’t see how that’s how any other journalist would be pandering.”

Incredulous, Eric replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Pointing her finger at Eric, Dana riposted, “Well, you said that you’ve been trying to close the deal for years to be on Celebrity Apprentice!”

As Greg cackled in the background, Eric replied, “Oh, my god, Dana!…I have been friendly with Donald Trump for fifteen years!” Scowling, Dana answered, “You’re the one who was shouting it from the rooftop yesterday!” Agitated all the more, Eric asked, “Are you actually saying that you are going to accuse me of saying that Donald Trump has some good ideas that are resonating with America because I want to be on Celebrity Apprentice?  Please tell me that’s not the case!”

Glowering at Eric, Dana barked, “I am saying that!”

In reply, Eric snapped, “I will tell you unequivocally that is not the case! I can’t be on Celebrity Apprentice anyway: I’m a host at Fox News. I’m not allowed to!…Seven years ago, Donald Trump came to Fox and said, Hey! Can he be on it? And, the boss said, ‘no he can’t!'”

Defending Eric’s honor, Kimberly chimed in saying, “He did ask!”

Still enraged at Dana’s slight, Eric exclaimed, “By the way, by the way, Dana, Dana, Dana, I have way more ethics…than to use this platform which I love!” When Kimberly tried to wrap her segment to end the acrimony, Eric sharply answered, “Stop!” Finishing his point, he said, “I love dearly this Five: I do! I was here from day one, and I hope to be day last!”

Caustically, Dana interrupted, “Oh, guess what! So was I!”

Ending the segment, Kimberly exclaimed, “I’ve had enough! Go to your rooms!”

Clearly ticked, Eric uttered, “Wow!”

As the final shot ended, an angry Dana glowered anew and a miffed Eric shook his head.

Calling into question Eric’s ethics, Dana? Wow! President George W. Bush, this is not your dad’s “kinder and gentler” FNC.

[Author’s aside: After the Five yesterday, Trump Tweeted, “Dear @kimguilfoyle, Thank you so much for your nice words today on @TheFive. Will not be forgotten!” The author has a feeling that Dana’s words may not be forgotten either.]

Gotta Laugh: Dana Pe-RINO Whine-o?

“And the Good News Is”: Rand Paul “has jumped the shark.” No surprise, George W. Bush’s self-proclaimed “number one fan” Dana Pe-Rino (as her Five co-anchor Eric Bolling former dubbed her) used her segment on the O’Reilly Factor to bash maverick Rand Paul, the libertarian, anti-establishment Republican from Kentucky. Now that W. has become more popular that the President in the latest poll, Dana is, apparently, trying to whack his brother Jeb’s rival Rand Paul with an inane allusion to the moment that Happy Days became irrelevant when Fonzi jumped the shark literally–and figuratively.

Dana may love Jasper and W.: But, she seemingly surely hates Ron Paul’s boy.The cute tomboy, who replaced dullard Scott McClellan, but who could never emulate the suave and debonair Ari Fleischer seems to be on a charm offensive on the Five and wherever she shows up on Fox News. But, if she is not careful, she should may well have to disclose her appearances as indirect donations to the the latest Bush iteration for President.

Tonight, on O’Reilly, Dana said that Rand has “jumped the shark.” Maybe, she is guilty of transference: Perchance, it is her beloved Bushes who have “jumped the shark.” After all, Jeb’s momma, Barbara Bush herself, said that the country had had “enough Bushes” in the White House.

“And the Good News Is”: Dana is a Bushie who herself may have jumped the shark as to her credibility with the GOP base.

[Author’s aside: “And the Good News Is” is a reference to Dana’s new book.]

Perino: New Weekly O’Reilly Segment

O’Reilly: “Dana Perino’s top stories of the week!” Pixie pretty Five co-host Dana Perino has a new gig: Following in the tiny footsteps of her dimunitive co-anchor Greg Gutfeld, Dana  has scored a weekly segment on FNC ratings king Bill O’Reilly’s The Factor.  Bettering her little buddy (who enjoys a regular segment entitled “What the Heck Just Happened” with Imus in the Morning executive producer Bernard McGuirk), Dana has her own segment to herself.

Announcing her good news Thursday, Dana Tweeted, “So this is happening. Tonight. New weekly segment w/ @oreillyfactor where we bat around my top stories of the weeks.”

Subsequently, when The Factor aired that night, Bill began Dana’s segment, announcing, “‘Impact Segment’ tonight! Brand new segment: Dana Perino’s top stories of the week!” Introducing her, he exclaimed, “And, here she is! Co-host of The Five, Miss [sic] Perino!” Joking he added, “[Dana’s The Five co-host Bob] Beckel would never get this!”

Congratulations, Dana!

*O’Reilly Factor (second airing) – 03/19/15 (@ 11:14 p.m. ET).

Vanilla Perino: As*, As*, Baby?

Or, a**hole, Ed Henry? Today, Five co-anchor Dana Perino and chief White House correspondent Ed Henry celebrated “good times.” Apparently, during the Real Story with Gretchen Carlson (featuring Dana), Ed revealed, “She [Dana] called me an equal opportunity blank–I won’t use the word, I think it starts with an ‘a,’ and it’s not a very nice word.”

Poor Ed should not feel too bad about Dana’s acerbic aspersion. He is in good company: Wannabe rapper “Tiny D” called her co-host and bud Greg Gutfeld an a**hole during a break on The Five about two years ago according to Five co-anchor Bob Beckel. On the other hand, the self-professed “biggest fan” of Bush 43, may have been having a flashback to the day that W infamously called that pesky, impertinent NYT reporter an “a**hole.”

Ed: an a**hole? Probably not–unless he gets on Dana’s bad side!

Five’s Bolling: Hasselbeck Hotter than Gretchen?

F&F’s Kilmeade: Carlson “gets a week off and then she’s back in action.” Oops! FNC Five anchor Eric Bolling and Brian Kilmeade may have been a bit too candid about the co-host change at Fox & Friends and the debut date of Gretchen Carlson‘s new FNC show Thursday.

In the penultimate segment of the Five (September 12), Eric announced that blond beauty “Elisabeth Hasselbeck will join the [F&F] team” on the following Monday.* As a frequent F&F fill-in co-host, Eric seemed especially excited to have her aboard, exclaiming, “She’s definitely bringing up the hotness chart on, on the Fox & Friends.”** Appearing to catch Eric’s seemingly unwitting slight of Gretchen who would leave her seat on the curvy couch the very next day, Five co-anchor Andrea Tantaros groaned, “Hey! Ohhh!”

Coming to Gretchen’s seeming succor, also, Five co-host Dana Perino intoned, “I’m excited for Gretchen, too, because she’ll have a show, uh, I guess, sometime during the day.” Interjecting immediately, Five guest co-host Brian Kilmeade replied, “Yeah! Sometime during the day, they’re going to announce this week that she gets a week off and then she’s back in action.” Appearing to try to cover for Brian’s apparent faux pas, Dana asked, “Just a week?” Smiling sheepishly, Brian replied, “Yeah, I think.”

On Thursday, it was definitely five o’clock at Fox News: In vino veritas, Eric and Brian? Elisabeth might not mind but Gretchen just might.

*The Five – 09/12/13 (@ 5:49 p.m. ET).

**Ibid at @ 5:51 p.m. ET.

Five’s Beckel Unhinged: [Medgar] Evers “Turncoat”

Oops! Bob bizarrely loses his civil rights mantle cred. Today, the proud self-proclaimed son of a “liberal who went into the South and was arrested 57 times in the civil rights movement registering blacks” and who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., evidenced an appalling lack of knowledge when it came to a pivotal chapter in the nations history. During a segment on black Louisiana state senator Elbert Guillory who changed from the Democratic party to the GOP, Beckel tried to impugn him by trying to recall another black Louisiana “turncoat.” Unfortunately, for Bob, it backfired on him, his co-hosts, and The Five.

In the Five block moderated by co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle,* Bob tried to push-back when his more conservative co-hosts, Kimberly, Eric Bolling, and Greg Gutfeld appeared to defend Guillory’s decision. Looking down, Beckel declared, “Louisiana has had a long history–and I wish [that] I could remember the name of this guy whose brother was a very well known civil rights activist who was I think a Congressman. And, this guy converted to the Republican Party because he was paid to convert to the Republican Party to sift off the votes from the Democrats.”

After further discussion with his conservative co-hosts (including Dana Perino) of Guillory, Bob errantly announced, “I just remembered the name of the guy who was, his brother became a turncoat.”

Derisively, Kimberly enjoined, “[‘C]ause the control room gave it to you in your ear?”

Struggling mightily, Bob stammered, “Megan, Meg, Megan, Malcolm Evers’ brother, Charles Evers’ brother, Malcolm…got, got paid money to go on the Republican Party to sift off votes the Democrat.”

To make matters even worse, when Greg asked, “Were you bringing, why, to denigrate this man’s brave,” Bob declared, “I didn’t deny what this guy’s, what he was saying but Louisiana has a history of doing this. They have a history of doing it!”

Unfortunately, Bob’s bluster ruled the day on the Five. Perhaps, just as embarrassing or even more so, none of his co-anchors nor F&F‘s vaunted control room challenged his addled version of the civil rights struggle–in Mississippi!

Clearly, a muddled Bob was referring to the Mississippi civil rights martyr Medgar Evers and his activist older brother Charles Evers. It was Medgar who died at the hands of Byron Beckwith for the cause in June 11, 1963, and Charles who took his place as field secretary of the MS NAACP. Subsequently, Charles became the mayor of Fayette in 1963 (and the NAACP’s “Man of the Year”); a gubernatorial candidate; a U.S. Senate candidate: And, in 1989, Charles switched his allegiance to the GOP.

Today in Bob’s world, Louisiana and Mississippi looked alike: “Megan” Evers, “Malcolm” Evers, Charles Evers, Medgar Evers were all one and the same, too. Not quite the civil rights account of which Bob’s Dad would be rightly proud. Nor should Bob, his co-hosts, or The Five suits.

*The Five – 06/19/13 (@ 5:38 p.m. ET)

Dana’s “Foolish Mistake”: Stealing $20 from Mom

“I did that once, Mom. Sorry!” The Five co-host Dana Perino admitted Friday that she once had sticky fingers for her mother’s moolah. During a segment on the I.R.S.’s “targeting” of conservative groups during the 2012 campaign period, Dana derided the I.R.S.’s Commissioner’s dismissal of the excessive scrutiny as “foolish mistakes”: Arching her eyebrows, Dana declared, “A foolish mistake is when you take twenty dollars from your Mom’s purse when you really shouldn’t have. That was a foolish mistake.”*

Immediately, co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle interjected, “I never did that!”

Pointing to Dana with his right thumb accusingly, co-host Greg Gutfeld responded, “She did.”

Squinting her eyes at Greg with more than a hint of agitation, Dana confessed, “I did that once, Mom. Sorry!”

The Five‘s naif Dana Perino: I’m not that innocent!

*The Five – 05/1 – 05/18/13 (@ 5:12 p.m. ET)

How Dana Perino Found Love: On the Fly!

“True story!” America’s Newsroom co-host Bill Hemmer revealed how his FNC colleague Five co-anchor Dana Perino found her hubby Peter McMahon. After an AN story on a website that told singles where the best place to find their “soul mates” last week (March 27), Bill remarked, “How many people do you know…[who]…meet a partner on an airplane and they get married? It happens!”* Shaking her head incredulously, his AN guest co-anchor Alisyn Camerota replied, “Zero!”

In riposte, Bill declared, “Zero? I do! I know several people, actually. Dana Perino is one of ’em!” Her face suddenly brightening, Aly gasped, “That’s right! I did know that.” Smiling triumphantly, Bill responded, “True story! See? I bring you the truth here, kid.”

A mile-high romance: “How Peter met Dana.”

*America’s Newsroom – 03/27/13 (@10:39 a.m. ET)

Mark Levin Barks: Perino “Bushie…Jerk”!

Dana Perino snarks: Carson less credible. Republican divide: “RINO” vs. Reaganite? Yesterday, Five co-host Dana Perino, Bush 43’s former White House Press Secretary, took a sharp jab at Dr. Ben Carson, who had appeared Monday on conservative Reagan administration aide Mark Levin‘s show. In a segment entitled “Carson Fights Back” which featured the doctor who had said on the Mark Levin Show that “a lot of white liberals” who had challenged him for coming “off the plantation” are the “most racist people there are,” Dana concurred with her co-host Bob Beckel that liberals were not losing any sleep over Carson, adding, “He has burned through so much of his credibility. He’s on every talk show every evening….He’s everywhere!”

Not surprisingly, Levin did not take lightly to Perino’s putative putdown of his program and Carson’s appearance on it. Without naming her by name, Levin snarled, “One of the people on the Five, a female, she can barely contain herself that they would play a clip of this program on the Five. She’s a Bushie!…She said…that Dr. Carson doesn’t do himself any favors going on all these cable TV programs and radio programs and going on these programs where his best interests are not taken to heart. And this former Bushie on the Five to claim that I don’t have Dr. Carson’s best interests at heart is pathetic.”

Showing that the Reagan/Rockfeller (Bush) Republican rift is alive and well, Levin growled, “Folks, I am sick of the preening, elitist, country club Republicans who don’t have a clue! Some of us are in this battle to win. We are not apologists! We take on our opponents: We put on the brass knuckles. I don’t know what she has done for this country other than serve as a spokesman for a President. But, I can tell you that many of you and I, we have been the precinct workers, we have been the litigators, we have been the activists, long before people like her were ever on the public scene.”

Concluding his counterattack, Levin roared, “Ben Carson’s under attack. And, who attacks me? And, who attacks those of us who are trying to promote his message and defend him? This jerk on The Five–who obviously has his interests at heart. Obnoxious!”

The GOP battle for the White House in 2016 is on!

Beckel Bawdy: Malkin Unamused

“Maligned” Tantaros: Don’t worry. I can handle carrots.” Five co-anchor Andrea Tantaros was almost unfazed by her co-anchor Bob Beckel who aimed his latest ribald remark squarely at her. In the penultimate segment of the Five yesterday about organic food, Andrea wielded an organic carrot and pointed it at Bob: never one to miss a moment to utter a double entendre, Bob cracked that she looked like she “could handle a hairy carrot.”* As a grinning Andrea rolled her eyes with her mouth agape in incredulity, the usually prim and proper co-anchor Dana Perino smiled and turned to co-host Eric Bolling, pleading, “Help him, Eric! Help him!”

Chuckling, Eric skillfully channeled the discussion back to the merits of organic veggies. As the segment began to conclude, Andrea, with her arms crossed in somewhat mock indignation, haltingly asked, “Are, you going to apologize?” Less than convincingly, Bob replied, “Yes, I apologize!” Grabbing a carrot from the plate, Bob protested, “But, that’s because you were waving it at my head!” As Andrea shook her head at yet another of his double entendres, Bob laughed, “My head? Whatever! I’m sorry!”

Clueless or wickedly clever, Dana interposed, “You remember the boneless chicken ranch?…The Far Side cartoon, Gary Larson did a thing about the boneless chicken ranch and the chickens were all like this [her head limp] over the fence.” Looking at Dana with a goatish gleam, an unrepentant Bob declared, “I’ve been to the Chicken Ranch [brothel (NSW)] in…Las Vegas. That sort of reminds me of a night of drinking.”

With her arms still crossed, Andrea acerbically announced, “That’s [a la boneless chicken necks] how you are going to be after this show!” Raising his voice, Bob riposted, “Alright, will you take it easy? You’re the one who talked about my–never mind!” Giggling, Andrea shook her anew at her bumbling, bumptious Bob.

Soon after the show, indignant Twitchy.com founder Michelle Malkin Tweeted, “NOT breaking: Bob Beckel said something sexually degrading and misogynist. And will get away with it. Again.” [Cf. Twitchy.com‘s “Gross: Serial misogynist Bob Beckel directs vulgar remark at Andrea Tantaros.” Seemingly, in response, Andrea Pooh-poohed the matter [comparing it to Brent Musburger’s BCS Miss Alabama mutterings], jesting, “Don’t worry. I can handle carrots, in fact so well that I hit Bob with them off screen. He’s applying for a job at ESPN as we speak.”

Apparently, Bob will be Bob. And, Andrea appears okay with that. Michelle? Not so much.

*The Five – 01/08/12 (@ 5:52 a.m. ET)

Proud Perino: “World’s Hottest Grandmother”

“One More Thing”: Do you remember what you call me? The Five co-host Dana Perino finally introduced her Scottish step grandchildren to her FNC fans. More than a year ago, then virgin Fox & Friends Weekend guest-host Dana revealed to her incredulous audience that she was a grandmother, to two Scottish children, Rachel and Sebastian: Furthermore, she mentioned that that they called her “Grandma America.” Yesterday, as The Five‘s ultimate segment concluded, Dana declared, “I have a special “One More Thing”: I have my–believe it or not–my grandchildren from Scotland…Rachel and Sebastian, are here.”

As Dana introduced Rachel and Sebastian, her hubby Peter McMahon (of twelve years) herded their two grandchildren onto the set sub rosa. As the two gathered around Dana at the table, they appeared dazed by the spotlight and virtually mute.

Looking at Rachel tenderly, Dana asked, “Do you remember what you call me?” As Rachel stared blankly ahead, Dana prompted her, saying, “Grandma America. Can you say it?” Looking at her young nana, a smiling Rachel softly answered, “Grandma America.”

Interjecting, co-anchor Greg Gutfeld risquely exclaimed, “World’s hottest grandmother!”

Without acknowledging her co-host’s impertinent compliment, Dana turned to Sebastian and asked whether he had enjoyed his earlier trip to Disney. “Yeah,” he tersely replied. Trying to draw out her  little Silent Cal, Dana queried, “What did you think of the show? This show.” As he looked quizzically at his step nana, Dana quickly declared, “They’re speechless–as are more Americans when they watch this.”

At least, that segment. Speechless that The Five‘s Dana Perino is really a grandmother. Even if “Granda America” is “the world’s hottest grandmother.”

Dana Perino: “Little Hooters”

“I would never get a job at [Hooters].” The Five co-host Dana Perino showed her saltier side early this week: on Tuesday, President Bush’s rather prim and proper Press Secretary discussed her less than bountiful bosom with uncharacteristic aplomb.* Bawdily, she posited that she could not get a job at Hooters but that she could–at Little Hooters.

During a Five segment Tuesday (transcript), the co-anchors Dana, Greg Gutfeld, Bob Beckel, Andrea Tantaros, and Eric Bolling conversed about a coffee chain being investigated for hiring mainly nubile beauties. As they spoke of various businesses doing likewise, Greg teased Dana, asking, “Dana, unlike me, you’re not gorgeous: Do you feel like you’ve lost out on many TV jobs because of this?”

Self-deprecatingly, Dana riposted, “Let’s give another example–Hooters: I would never get a job there. And there’s a reason.”

Feigning ignorance, Greg impishly replied, “I can’t even ask why.”

Seemingly, somewhat piqued at Greg’s impertinence, Dana responded, “We all know why. Okay? And, I wouldn’t apply either.”

When it was co-host Bob Beckel’s turn to weigh in on the “hotness” hiring controversy, of course, the old goat had to rib Dana all the more: he racily insisted, “Dana, you could have gotten [sic] hired at Hooters if you wanted to.”

Jauntily, Dana rejoined, “Little Hooters.”**

Dana, “Little Hooters”? Maybe. But, you are proving yourself to be one big hoot.

[Author’s aside: When the segment began to conclude, co-anchor Eric Bolling aptly added, “The only thing that’s worthy to get pick[ed] up on by media is ‘I could work at Little Hooters.'”]

*Red Eye – 07/24/12 (approximately 3:35 a.m. ET)

**N.B. LexisNexis News improperly attributes the “Little Hooters” remark to Andrea. However, its transcript evinces the error as it subsequently details Greg’s reply, “That sounds like a restaurant for kids” and Dana’s facetious response, “That’s what I meant.” Furthermore, the Five footage will reflect that fact.

Fox & Friends First: “The Four” Now?

Patti Ann Brown, Ainsley Earhardt, Heather Childers, and Heather Nauert. Possibly, following in the footsteps of The Five, Fox & Friends First may be whittling down its number of initial hosts. As readers may recall, FNC announced the debut of The Five and listed ten rotating co-anchors including the current seven and Monica Crowley, Geraldo Rivera, and Judge Andrew Napolitano: When the Five celebrated its first anniversary last Monday on Fox & Friends, F&F co-anchor Gretchen Carlson noted that its roster had been pared down to seven (the “Magnificent Seven”), i.e., Greg Gutfeld, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Bob Beckel, Andrea Tantaros, Dana Perino, Juan Williams, and Eric Bolling.

In a similar fashion, Fox & Friends First started its new run in March with a slate of co-hosts that included not only the four that seem to be now predominating F&FF airplay qua anchors, i.e., Patti Ann Brown, Ainsley Earhardt, Heather Childers, and Heather Nauert but also Dave Briggs, Juliet Huddy, Julie Banderas, Anna Kooiman, Clayton Morris, Arthel Neville, and Jamie Colby. Even though the author has heard no new F&FF announcement, it’s website may provide a hint: only Patti Ann, Ainsley, and the two Heathers have their FNC bios listed on the official F&FF website.

Five’s Dana Perino: Greg Gutfield “A**hole”

She did a bad, bad thing. The Five‘s co-anchor Dana Perino is not necessarily quite as prim and proper as she may appear on air: Apparently, the former Bush 43 White House Press Secretary learned a certain coarse epithet from her former boss. As politicos may remember, then candidate George W. Bush infamously called a New York Times reporter an “a**hole” in an overheard whisper to his running mate, Dick Cheney: Today, Dana picked up the torch on The Five as she flung the scatological appellation at her co-host Greg Gutfeld with no regrets.

During a segment titled “America’s Shrinking Wealth,” Greg illustrated the sharp decline in American family net worth over the last six years with a photo of a very diminutive Dana juxtaposed to a towering Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. As her co-hosts laughed at the strange sight, a smiling Dana self-deprecatingly said, “I have to say ‘Somebody put me in a dryer when I was little.'” Adding his usual color commentary, co-anchor Bob Beckel remarked, “You [Greg] don’t have the courage to say this, in the break, Dana said–who I’ve known for years, never says a swear word–called you an a-hole.”

Animatedly unapologetic, Dana exclaimed, “And, America agreed!” Interjecting, co-host Andrea Tantaros jested, “And, if you were in Massachusetts, we would fine you $20.” Without a hint of remorse, Dana riposted, “Gladly!”

Blame Bush, Greg.

The Five – 06/12/12 (@ 5:17 p.m. ET)