Flattered Janice: “Fox News Weather Skank”?

Anna Kooiman: “This must have been in your dancing days, Janice!” Fox News meteorologist Janice Dean reminded her fans why they love her this morning: their gorgeous gal is shameless! After a headlines story on the new Universal Studio Simpsons theme park opening this summer in Orlando, FL, Janice proudly revealed, “A little known fact, years ago on the Simpsons, they actually referenced a Fox News weather girl, and at the time, I was the only news weather girl. I believe the line was something like, ‘This coffee is hotter than a Fox News weather lady but the word lady wasn’t used: It was something that was a little bit more, uh, not morning show friendly.”*

“Risque?,” chuckled fill-in Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Anna Kooiman. As fellow guest co-host Mike Jerrick nodded, “I hear you,” co-anchor Clayton Morris asked, “Were you flattered?” Without answering, FNC meteorologist Janice Dean declared, “You could probably Google it.” Grinning and shimmying in her seat, Anna replied, “This must have been in your dancing days, Janice!”

Correcting Anna’s inadvertent slight subtly, Clayton interjected, “Which still are going on.” Appreciatively, a smiling Anna concurred, “Well, true!”

For those, who missed that Simpsons episode “lauding” JD, the self-dubbed “Dancing Machine,” Janice teased, “But, one of these days, I will add it on to my resume tape.”

Unfortunately, Janice did not reveal her salty Simpsons moniker today: However, she frankly disclosed it in her FoxNews.com blog post titled, “Hotter than a Fox News Weather Blank…” on November 23, 2007. In that article, she wrote, “I was…reminded of a line off that show that many Simpsons fans have since referenced in my presence (mainly my little brother!). It was a few years ago and at the time I was strangely flattered…Here’s the line: ‘Careful. It’s hotter than a Fox News weather skank.'” Proudly, she added, “It’s pretty funny. I think that I have it on tape somewhere.”

Unfortunately, the author has not found that Simpsons tape yet, Janice. But, please post it: your F&FW fans would love to see it!

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 05/25/13 (@ 7:37 a.m. ET)

CNN’s Indra vs. FNC’s Maria: Weathergal Catfight?

Rowrrr! Yesterday, Early Start co-anchor John Berman introduced blonde beauty Indra Petersons as “our brand new CNN meteorologist and the newest addition to our team here in the morning.”* The Latvian lovely stands in stark contrast to Cosmo’s caliente Nicaraguan nymph Maria Molina, the brunette beauty who just snared her own early morn Monday-through-Friday gig on FNC.

According to IndraPetersons.com, Indra is of Latvian heritage, speaks the language fluently, and has learned her country’s “native folk songs and dances” (including the polka). Furthermore, she is said to be a Los Angeles native who started her career in El Paso at KVIA as a weathergal; moved on to Santa Barbara at KEYT as a meteorologist; and then went to Los Angeles’ ABC7 in 2004 as not only the weatherwoman but also as a “general assignment reporter” before replacing Rob Marciano as CNN’s premier meteorologist.  As far as her hobbies are concerned, the hottie is a travel enthusiast who chronicles here travels on her Facebook page.

Whether one agrees with global warming or not, the weather just got a lot hotter with the new girl in town! And, the mornings may dawn just a little sweeter with the potential pillow fights in the offing between CNN’s new  long-tressed towhead and her FNC brown-maned rival. CNN’s Indra vs. FNC’s Maria: a cable dream pay-per-view!

*Early Start – 05/20/13 (@ 6:05 a.m. ET)

The Crossover’s Ousted Briggs: Back to F&FW?

“[N]ew set. New cast. Better vibe.” Former Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Dave Briggs has been bounced from his brand new NBC Sports show The Crossover according to USA Today Sport’s “TheBigLead.com.” After being off last week, the program will reportedly return this week with Michelle Beadle as the solo host.

According to a USA Today Sports source, Dave and Michelle were doomed from the start since they simply did not get along. Last Monday, Michelle seemed to confirm that sentiment when she Tweeted, “@Crossover is off this week. But when we come back..BRAND NEW SHOW! #cantwait.” As if to remove any doubt, she snarked, “New set. New cast. Better vibe.”

According to TheBigLead.com, Dave “is apparently getting his own on NBC.”  But, if his Fox & Friends Weekend fans get their wish, he will return to join co-anchors Alisyn Camerota and Clayton Morris to “the best show, the best job of [his] life.”

Don’t count on it: Tucker Carlson just got Dave’s old job officially and Bill Shine, FNC Executive Programming VP, has an odd allegiance to Carlsons no matter how ill at ease they seem to be with their early morning co-hosts or their waking viewers.

Dana’s “Foolish Mistake”: Stealing $20 from Mom

“I did that once, Mom. Sorry!” The Five co-host Dana Perino admitted Friday that she once had sticky fingers for her mother’s moolah. During a segment on the I.R.S.’s “targeting” of conservative groups during the 2012 campaign period, Dana derided the I.R.S.’s Commissioner’s dismissal of the excessive scrutiny as “foolish mistakes”: Arching her eyebrows, Dana declared, “A foolish mistake is when you take twenty dollars from your Mom’s purse when you really shouldn’t have. That was a foolish mistake.”*

Immediately, co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle interjected, “I never did that!”

Pointing to Dana with his right thumb accusingly, co-host Greg Gutfeld responded, “She did.”

Squinting her eyes at Greg with more than a hint of agitation, Dana confessed, “I did that once, Mom. Sorry!”

The Five‘s naif Dana Perino: I’m not that innocent!

*The Five – 05/1 – 05/18/13 (@ 5:12 p.m. ET)

Clayton No Dave: “Wins” Rigged Kayak Race

Stuttering Tucker takes one for “the team”: “I’m not, I, you know, I, I think Clayton won.” Today, Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Clayton Morris finally took the gold in the annual F&FW-Bass Pro Shops kayak race–albeit with an abetting hand. With perennial champion Dave Briggs sidelined at NBC Sports Network, Clayton seemed possibly positioned to, at least, have a chance at a viable victory in view of his F&FW fans. But, apparently, F&FW producers had little to no faith in his ability alone to vanquish his new opponent, co-anchor Tucker Carlson.

Introducing the 2013 keen competition between Clayton and his new competitor Tucker (kayak racing vid), co-host Alisyn Camerota remarked, “The Great American Kayak Race has become a tradition on Fox & Friends: This weekend we continue with that venerable tradition.” Looking out at her lads on the water, Aly declared, “Tucker, you don’t know what you’re in for: This is your first annual kayak race. Clayton, you’re old hat: But, you’ve never won. So, let’s see what happens today.”

Standing in support next to the ever also-ran Clayton, F&FW meteorologist Rick Reichmuth animatedly interjected, “Tucker, what you need to know is that Clayton, um, is incredibly athletic. And…you’re really in for a big challenge here.” As Tucker derisively laughed, “Yeah,” Rick continued, “He’s also not afraid of getting wet! We’ll just put those two things [out].”

Subsequently, when Aly counted down to takeoff, Clayton’s F&FW/Bass Pro kayak handler propelled him forward as Tucker’s counterpart held him back until Clayton had reached virtually the first leg end point. Chuckling at the injustice, Tucker robustly oared forward and appeared to actually win the race by a nose. With the fix in, though, apparently, Clayton raised his arms in “triumph” as the Bass Pro ref and the handler who had held Tucker back pointed to Clayton as the purported winner.

Trying to appear, at least, a little fairer, Aly exclaimed, “That was a tie. You think so?” The “unbiased” Bass Pro ref shook his head and alleged that Clayton had won albeit barely. Aly countered, “I think it was a tie. I really think it was a tie!” As a smiling Clayton claimed, “Finally!,” Aly countered, That was a photo finish: I need to see the instant replay!”

Nevertheless, the Bass Pro spokesperson took the gold medal to Clayton, saying, “I’m going to give, I’m going to give first over here. I think you deserve it.” Turning to Tucker with the silver, he continued, “Even though, even though, you got cheated just a little bit.”

As the segment concluded, Rick stood beside Clayton: Pointing to Tucker, he aptly asserted, “I think you might want to thank his, um, four-second late start.”

When the show concluded about fifteen minutes later with Clayton the only cast member strangely absent, producers aired the photo finish again. As it ran, Aly declared, “Thanks so much for joining us. You can see here the very suspenseful final seconds of our annual kayak race. I think it was a tie.”

To her newly initiated co-host, she “innocently” queried, “What do you think, Tucker?” As Aly grinned at F&FW‘s compliant tyro, Tucker dutifully stuttered, “I’m not, I, you know, I, I think Clayton won.” Patting her new student on the shoulder approvingly, Aly replied, “Wow! Very big of you. Very big of you!”

Poor Tucker: Sounded like Clayton’s Baghdad Bob today!

“History Bluff” Clayton: Clueless–Again?

“We haven’t had a Triple Crown winner since what, since Secretariat?” Fox & Friends co-host Clayton Morris, who prides himself in his purported historical ken, got his comeuppance for the second week in a row. Last Sunday, he was the only co-anchor to “need a refresher course on the Founding Mothers” as his co-anchor Alisyn Camerota so aptly asserted. (Vid: 2:48/3:10.) Today, he sorely needed a cheat sheet on the last Triple Crown winner of thoroughbred racing.

During a Preakness Stakes segment this morn with DailyThoroughbredNews.com editor Christina Bossinakis, the co-hosts’ discussion turned inevitably to whether Kentucky Derby winner Orb could conquer the second leg of the Triple Crown. When Bossinakis indicated that she thought that he would win unless a surprising variable occurred, Clayton regrettably ad libbed, “One of the variables, because we haven’t had a Triple Crown winner since what, since Secretariat?”

In response to Clayton clearly clueless, Bossinakis charitably replied, “It was actually Affirmed in 1978 and then we had Seattle Slew in 1977.”

Duly corrected, Clayton confessed, “I don’t know why…it just sounded good.”

Not.

Zoraida’s Decision: Feminine Sexuality But Family First

Double mastectomy: “Very emotional for me…as a woman, your sexuality and your breasts and how attached you are to that.” Early Start co-host Zoraida Sambolin shared her very personal new struggle with breast cancer with her CNN a.m. fans, her Twitter followers, and her Facebook friends Tuesday. Breaking the news to her EP viewers (after a report on Angelina Jolie’s NYT announcement that she had undergone a double mastectomy), Zoraida remarked, “You know, I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and…the fact that she [Jolie] is sharing this very personal journey, talking about the femininity as well and how that affects your decision moving forward, is absolutely remarkable.”* To her Tweeps and to her FB friends, she elaborated, “I struggled for weeks trying to figure out how [to] tell you that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was leaving to have surgery then..Angelina Jolie shares her story of a double mastectomy and gives me strength and an opening.”

Later in the morning, on Starting Point, Zoraida disclosed even more of the intimate details of her painful decision.** During a story on Jolie’s double mastectomy, Zoraida was brought in to tell her own story by SP interim co-hosts John Berman and Christine Romans. Pointing to John, Zoraida said, “You know for a while I’ve been struggling ’cause I was diagnosed with breast cancer about three weeks ago. And, I was trying to figure out how do I…tell the viewers that I’m going to be gone for awhile because I have chosen to have a double mastectomy. And, so, Angelina Jolie’s story really hit home.”

Offering Zoraida an opportunity to open up, John remarked, “She [Jolie] says [that] it’s an empowering decision, in a way.” Seizing her moment, Zoraida replied, “It is because you can, you can make that decision as a woman. Um, one of the things that she talks about that is very emotional for me because, you know, as a woman, your sexuality and your breasts and how attached you are to that. Right? As, as a woman!” In true maternal self-abnegation, she continued, “And, so, at the end of the day, it’s really difficult to say that I’m thinking about this…when I have two kids that…I want to live for. And that at the end of the day, I’m going…to cut off my arms if it means that I am going to live to see them and to see them grow up.”

Zoraida, kudos for courageously sharing your story with your fans–and, more importantly, putting your family first!

[Author’s aside: During her SP interview, supra, Zoraida disclosed that she made her first call after her diagnosis to her fiance (Kenny Williams) , “who has been nothing but an amazing supporter through all of this.” Furthermore, she revealed that she was going to have her surgery on the 28th. EP – 05/14/13 (@6:03 a.m. ET)]

*Early Start – 05/14/13 (@ 5:33 a.m. ET)

**Starting Point – 05/14/13 (@ 7:33 a.m. ET)

“CNN’s Stephanie Elam” Returns to A.M.

Rob Marciano: I heard a familiar voice this morning…@Stephanie Elam nice work!” Friday, whilom CNN biz beauty Stephanie Elam returned anew as a CNN correspondent on early morning news programs Early Start and Starting Point much to the delight of her former CNN colleague and Entertainment Tonight co-host Rob Marciano and, assuredly, a myriad of her erstwhile American Morning fans.

For Early Start viewers, Stephanie came back as a friendly, familiar face invigorating the engaging new duo of  Zoraida Sambolin and John Berman: For the Starting Point audience who had not yet abandoned ship a la their star-crossed captain Soledad O’Brien, poor Stephanie was just another warm body trying to keep that sinking ship afloat until a New Day finally dawns.

Welcome back, Stephanie!

[Author’s aside: “CNN’s Stephanie Elam” refers to the repeated moniker given Stephanie by Zoraida and John when introducing Stephanie before her Camarillo, California, wildfire reports to their CNN early morning audience.]

Kooiman’s Kinky “White Wedding”

Anna the next F&F spring bride-to-be? FNC correspondent Anna Kooiman subtly announced today that she is getting married (at least, if the past two years of Fox & Friends spring wedding exercise segments are a precedent). In her first promo of her “Wedding Workout! How to Slim Down for the Big Day” racy couples fitness segment, Anna excitedly did jumping jacks with her white veil and faux marital garb to the tune of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding”: Off camera, F&F co-host Brian Kilmeade teased, “I think one is getting married: I think they’re all getting married, including Kooiman.”*

Later, when F&F co-anchor Alisyn Camerota introduced F&F‘s “Wedding Workout!” segment in the second hour, a smiling Anna appeared on camera in her ivory attire animatedly doing jumping jacks new–but this time with a suggestive ebony blindfold over her eyes.** Pulling it up momentarily, Anna remarked, “A couple that works out together stays together. And, that’s the idea behind…a brand new wedding season class at New York Sports Club.” Turning to her musclebound, blindfolded partner dressed all in black, she said, “This is my hubby….As if her real man were watching, she reassuringly declared, “He’s my stand-in hubby, just for the day!” [Italics added for emphasis.]

Subsequently, she had her “man of the moment” massage her shoulders as she interviewed the NY Sports Club instructors, asking them the name of their class: When the lady instructor responded “Tough Love,” Anna prompted her to give the rest of the risque rubric, “Bars, bands, and blindfolds.” Pulling her blindfold back over her eyes seductively, Anna racily remarked, “And, blindfolds. We are channeling Fifty Shades of Grey [an erotic romance thriller].” Subsequently, she did some “trust squats” blindfolded back-to-back with her partner and some bondage exercises (albeit free of the large rubber band loosely binding the ankles of some of the others).

When Anna began to wrap her report and segue back to the three F&F co-anchors, Steve Doocy randily queried, “What does the blindfold do?” Blushing, a grinning Anna answered, “This is what’s building the trust.” As Aly arched her eyebrows knowingly and echoed “the trust,” Ann continued, “I think because of the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, they are trying to…capitalize on that a bit.”

As Anna’s segment concluded, Aly intoned, “That’s great. Anna, I love that you turned to your partner like ‘married only for the day,’ ‘only for right now’ you had to tell him.” Hugging her hunk du jour in response, Ann chuckled, “Just for the day. Great, though!” Interjecting bawdily, Brian jested, “Right. Because he was hoping for the honeymoon!” As Steve smiled and Aly laughed, Anna tersely replied, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Yeah, yeah, Brian.” Anna probably already has her boy toy in tow if F&F‘s past is a prelude to her future. Almost two years ago (June 5, 2011), F&FW guest co-host Molly Line did a Nikki Fitness segment with “brides” in white entitled, “Bridal Boot Camp: Tips to get in shape for the big day”: Four days later on F&F weekday, she proudly proclaimed that she was betrothed and happily displayed her new engagement ring. Last year (June 14, 2012), Ainsley did her own Nikki Fitness segment titled, “Wedding Workout: Exercises to Get You Ready for the Big Day” in white connubial dress: Two weeks to the day later, Ainz was sporting her own connubial bling but waited until another month and half to announce, “Yes, I’m getting married.”

This year, Anna followed with her saucier version of the annual spring “white wedding” exercise segment: Today, it sounded as if Anna may have her own marital band in full view. Anna’s foot may not have fit into Cinderella’s glass slipper two days ago: But, she appears to have her real Prince at the ready.

*F&F – 05/02/13 (@ 6:56 a.m. ET)

**Ibid at @ 6:38 a.m. ET.