F&F: Just a Little More S&M?

Bikinis and Roseanne! Yesterday, Fox & Friends almost repented of their sadism and sadomasochistic aural assault on their viewers: Over Independence Day weekend, producers had subjected F&F fans to repeated airings of clips of Roseanne Barr’s cacophonous singing of the “Star-Spangled Banner.” In the penultimate segment Tuesday, they treated fans to the visual delight of gorgeous models sexily sashaying [vid] in fashion designer Kandice Pelletier‘s killer bikinis in studio in celebration of the 70th anniversary of Louis Reard’s bombshell St. Tropez-inspired swimwear.

Perhaps, in a less than subtle dig at Carpe Diem, producers began the final segment, “Before It’s History, It’s News” with Roseanne Barr’s wretched rendition of the national anthem. And, it was the FIFTH of July: But, hopefully, it was one last lash from producers a la Fifty Shades of Grey this year. Not all of us enjoy the pain: But, of course, some naughty F&F producer may just want a good spanking.

Outnumbered! Sans Andrea NOT!

Where the “H-E-double hockey sticks” is Andrea Tantaros? The absence of the sharp, scintillating FNC hottie with the high hemline and the killer heels on Outnumbered is duly noted: The occasional presence of the sexy Kimberly Guilfoyle will sometimes cause the casual male mind to “misremember” her potent presence as some allegedly steroid-primed pitcher once put it. But, the team of Sandra Smith, Harris Faulkner, and who ever happens to be the other two gals du jour–not to mention the #oneluckyguy on the couch–just does not cut it.

“Outnumbered” without its Greek Goddess? Not the best of views! Perhaps, it is time to watch “Fifty Shades of Grey”–or “Eyes Wide Shut” instead! And, if you’re an Andrea acolyte, buy “Tied Up in Knots” for good measure!

Bring her back, Bill Shine! And, quit losing our loveliest ladies–e.g., Kiran Chetry, Alisyn Camerota, and now, Andrea Tantaros! Seriously!

Kiran Chetry: Director

“Submission Type.” Don’t get too excited, naughty boys: Kiran Chetry has not yet been tapped to star in the sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey. Rather, the sexy former host of American Morning (CNN) and Fox & Friends (First & Weekend) has been named Director of Global Strategy for WaveCapital Partners LLC (Banking & Financial Services) according to the Charlotte Business Journal.

This afternoon (October 19), Kiran Tweeted, “Thrilled to join the @thewavecapital team! Lots of exciting projects in the works. Great people! https://lnkd.in/dnYvu78.” For a photo of the Nepalese lovely with her new colleagues, link here.

Congratulations, Kiran!

[Author’s aside: Re the subtitle, supra, the author playfully cited the Charlotte Business Journal‘s “Kiran Chetry Recognition Plaque” that had a line that read, “Submission Type: New Hire.”]

Bawdy Berman’s “Red Room”?

Saucy Sambolin “fit to be tied”! Early Start co-anchor John Berman got rather bawdy with his beautiful co-host Zoraida Sambolin this morning. Introducing their penultimate segment this morning, “The Bleacher Report,” John randily remarked, “Welcome back to Early Start, everyone–or, as we like to call it–the Red Room of Pain.* Gasping at John’s risque reference to the sexually sadistic romp room in Fifty Shades of Grey, Zoraida blushed and shook her head in utter disbelief. As John finished his intro to the sports report, he grinned goatishly as he looked over at his now flushed co-host. In response, Zoraida simply smiled and continued to shake her head at her bad boy.

Early Start: “The Red Room” with John and Zoraida. Now, that might be a sure CNN ratings success!

Early Start – 10/15/13 (@ 5:51 a.m. ET).

Kooiman’s Kinky “White Wedding”

Anna the next F&F spring bride-to-be? FNC correspondent Anna Kooiman subtly announced today that she is getting married (at least, if the past two years of Fox & Friends spring wedding exercise segments are a precedent). In her first promo of her “Wedding Workout! How to Slim Down for the Big Day” racy couples fitness segment, Anna excitedly did jumping jacks with her white veil and faux marital garb to the tune of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding”: Off camera, F&F co-host Brian Kilmeade teased, “I think one is getting married: I think they’re all getting married, including Kooiman.”*

Later, when F&F co-anchor Alisyn Camerota introduced F&F‘s “Wedding Workout!” segment in the second hour, a smiling Anna appeared on camera in her ivory attire animatedly doing jumping jacks new–but this time with a suggestive ebony blindfold over her eyes.** Pulling it up momentarily, Anna remarked, “A couple that works out together stays together. And, that’s the idea behind…a brand new wedding season class at New York Sports Club.” Turning to her musclebound, blindfolded partner dressed all in black, she said, “This is my hubby….As if her real man were watching, she reassuringly declared, “He’s my stand-in hubby, just for the day!” [Italics added for emphasis.]

Subsequently, she had her “man of the moment” massage her shoulders as she interviewed the NY Sports Club instructors, asking them the name of their class: When the lady instructor responded “Tough Love,” Anna prompted her to give the rest of the risque rubric, “Bars, bands, and blindfolds.” Pulling her blindfold back over her eyes seductively, Anna racily remarked, “And, blindfolds. We are channeling Fifty Shades of Grey [an erotic romance thriller].” Subsequently, she did some “trust squats” blindfolded back-to-back with her partner and some bondage exercises (albeit free of the large rubber band loosely binding the ankles of some of the others).

When Anna began to wrap her report and segue back to the three F&F co-anchors, Steve Doocy randily queried, “What does the blindfold do?” Blushing, a grinning Anna answered, “This is what’s building the trust.” As Aly arched her eyebrows knowingly and echoed “the trust,” Ann continued, “I think because of the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, they are trying to…capitalize on that a bit.”

As Anna’s segment concluded, Aly intoned, “That’s great. Anna, I love that you turned to your partner like ‘married only for the day,’ ‘only for right now’ you had to tell him.” Hugging her hunk du jour in response, Ann chuckled, “Just for the day. Great, though!” Interjecting bawdily, Brian jested, “Right. Because he was hoping for the honeymoon!” As Steve smiled and Aly laughed, Anna tersely replied, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Yeah, yeah, Brian.” Anna probably already has her boy toy in tow if F&F‘s past is a prelude to her future. Almost two years ago (June 5, 2011), F&FW guest co-host Molly Line did a Nikki Fitness segment with “brides” in white entitled, “Bridal Boot Camp: Tips to get in shape for the big day”: Four days later on F&F weekday, she proudly proclaimed that she was betrothed and happily displayed her new engagement ring. Last year (June 14, 2012), Ainsley did her own Nikki Fitness segment titled, “Wedding Workout: Exercises to Get You Ready for the Big Day” in white connubial dress: Two weeks to the day later, Ainz was sporting her own connubial bling but waited until another month and half to announce, “Yes, I’m getting married.”

This year, Anna followed with her saucier version of the annual spring “white wedding” exercise segment: Today, it sounded as if Anna may have her own marital band in full view. Anna’s foot may not have fit into Cinderella’s glass slipper two days ago: But, she appears to have her real Prince at the ready.

*F&F – 05/02/13 (@ 6:56 a.m. ET)

**Ibid at @ 6:38 a.m. ET.