Aly Off: Ainsley On

Tomorrow Ainsley Earhardt regains her center seat on the curvy couch on Fox & Friends Weekend. As guest co-host for a vacationing Alisyn Camerota, she will once again be flanked by Dave Briggs and Clayton Morris. For Ainsley and her acolytes, it may be a bittersweet reminder of what once was and could have been.

For the attractive former F&FW co-anchor, it cannot be easy to sub in the position that she once proudly held. However, Ainsley has shown grace and poise in the past when she has temp’d for Aly, and, assuredly, will do so tomorrow.

Laurels, Ainsley, for being a class act!

Clayton: “I’m the Flake”

As Fox & Friends opened today, guest co-host Clayton Morris upstaged the weekday regulars with his self-deprecatory humor. Introducing the show with the viewer slogan du jour, Clayton read, “If morning shows were breakfast cereal, Fox & Friends are like flakes I’d eat in the morning.” Co-anchor Steve Doocy exclaimed, “Ouch! Can we have a do-over on that one? Hey, welcome to the flakecast!”

Taking herself a tad seriously, too, co-anchor Gretchen Carlson declared, “I’m not so sure I’m ready to call myself a flake just yet: I get enough blonde jokes as it is.” Steve concurred, “Just by putting that into the open, it seems as if we’re going along with it: I’m with Gretchen on this!” Good-naturedly self-effacing, Clayton responded, “Why don’t you just say flake? I’ll take the hit for that….I’m the flake this morning, yeah!”

Clayton seems to be growing into his role as F&F guest co-host (and F&FW co-anchor). After FNC made Page Hopkins, Kelly Wright, and Greg Kelly walk the proverbial plank, newly conscripted Clayton and his co-hosts, Ainsley Earhardt and Dave Briggs, were like sailors on a rudderless ship. However, now that a recommissioned Camerota is captaining the ship, Clayton seems to have found his sea legs.

Conflatin’ Clayton

A smiling professorial Newt Gingrich let Fox & Friends’ confused co-host and history buff Clayton Morris slide on his facts today. In a segment on the informality of President Obama’s address to Congress, Clayton began accurately indicating that proper decorum is not always observed on the Senate floor but he then speciously used the example of “Andrew Jackson on the floor of the Senate hitting somebody with a cane back in the 1800’s.” As the former Speaker of the House undoubtedly knew, Clayton had conflated two distinct historical canings, one by President Andrew Jackson in the halls of Congress in 1835 and the other by Representative Preston Brooks of South Carolina on the Senate floor in 1856.

As to President Andrew Jackson, Old Hickory did his caning in the halls of Congress on January 30, 1835 after he was rudely interrupted as he paid his respects in the Capitol to the fallen Congressman Warren Davis of South Carolina. After Jackson had filed past Davis’ casket and was heading for the Rotunda, a deranged assassin, Richard Lawrence, fired two guns at him: both misfired. Old Hickory did not take kindly to Lawrence’s treachery and proceeded to whack Lawrence about the head until he posed no further danger.* [Cf. link, infra, for a print portrayal of the assassination attempt.]**

Today Clayton must have been thinking of the only Senate floor caning of record. In that incidence, the South Carolina Congressman Preston Brooks took offense for some Senate floor comments by  Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner that Brooks interpreted to question the mental faculties of his stroke-stricken relative, Senator Butler, also of South Carolina. Deeming Sumner “no gentleman,” Butler did not deign to give Sumner the dignity of a duel: rather, he entered the Senate chamber, went forthright to Sumner’s desk, and broke his cane over the then much bloodied head of Sumner.***

Clayton made the very same error repeatedly on the December 13, 2008 edition of Fox & Friends Weekend (December 13, 2008): His F&F Weekend producers and co-hosts, Alisyn Camerota and Dave Briggs failed to correct him. (Cf. “Cane Careless Clayton, infra.)**** Once again Carpe Diem did not.

*http://www.biographybase.com/biography/Jackson_Andrew.html

**http://teachpol.tcnj.edu/amer_pol_hist/thumbnail141.html

***http://us-civil-war.suite101.com/article.cfm/brooks_canes_sumner

****https://jakeho.wordpress.com/2008/12/13/cane-clayton/

Other links:

http://knowledgerush.com/kr/encyclopedia/Andrew_Jackson/First_Inaugural_Address/

http://teachpol.tcnj.edu/amer_pol_hist/thumbnail141.html

Roberts: “Un-American” (JK!)

American Morning co-anchor John Roberts almost became the “ugly American” today. In a roundtable chat with CNN financial whiz Ali Velshi and AM guest co-host Christine Romans (after a story about Fargo, North Dakota, braving the recession with its rather conservative approach to money), the Canadian American asked, “What about this idea, though, that it’s okay if we make less money: I mean, it’s almost un-American.” Ali answered, “I think that’s going to be a reality for a lot of people.” Taking issue with Roberts’ assertion, Christine respectfully replied, “I would argue what’s un-American is making money at all costs and not taking any kind of regard for risks.”

Wanting to reassure Christine that he was no capitalistic pig, Roberts put his hand on her arm and stated, “No, I was joking.” Relieved, Christine, responded, “Okay, alright. I’m from the Midwest so I really get very defensive.” Pointing to himself and then Ali, Roberts remarked, “Hey, I’m from Canada: So is Aly. You want to talk about unassuming.”

As the discussion continued between Christine and Ali, Roberts grabbed Christines’s arm yet again and interrupted, “But please I was just kidding with the un-American thing.” Christine replied, “I know. I know. I know.” Of course, Roberts hoped his AM audience did, too.

Jane: Gonna Beat That Little Kilmeade Girl

Happening Now’s co-anchor Jane Skinner put Fox & Friends Brian Kilmeade and his little girl on notice today. After FNC correspondent Courtney Friel complained in a Girl Scout segment that she had not received her five boxes of  cookies from Brian’s daughter, Jane replied, “Starting Monday morning, I have two seven-year olds who will be happy to sell you as many as you want.”  Courtney responded, “Really? Okay, definitely send them to me, the Thin Mints and the Tre-foils, my favorite.” Co-host Jon Scott interjected, “Brian Kilmeade, you snooze, you lose.” Jane jested, “We’re gonna beat that little Kilmeade girl!”

Jane and kids just may nose Kilmeade and kin out. Wanna wager, Brian? Never mind: According to Dave, you wouldn’t deliver on that either. What did you say, Clayton?

Briggs: Brian Welcher

Carlson’s OctoMom Crusade Peters Out

Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson’s ceaseless crusade against Nadya Suleman a/k/a OctoMom was calmly and logically eviscerated by FNC legal analyst Peter Johnson, Jr., this morning in an Octomom segment. When Johnson asserted that Suleman and her eight newborns desperately needed help, Carlson’s replied, “She’s defied help, though, Peter: apparently, Gloria Allred’s outfit…offered twenty-four hour care…for free.” Johnson countered, “I think Gloria Allred is a bit of a buttinsky in this case….because what she said [was]…if you don’t take this help, then the county authorities are going to step in: That was a public threat that was not useful.”

After further noting Vivid Video’s offer to give Suleman one million dollars and health care for her children in exchange for becoming a porn actress for it, Johnson said, “That’s sick. The stresses that are on this woman are tremendous.” Somewhat callously, Carlson countered, “Oh, please, Peter! She would never have been under this stress had she not done the irresponsible thing and had these eight babies to begin with: The full responsibility is on her shoulders.”

Johnson responded, “Well, the full responsibility may be on the doctor who did it.” In part Carlson conceded, “Both.” Compassionately, Johnson replied, “We’re very concerned about the children from Mumbai and we should be: These new children who are still sick in the hospital, we should be concerned about them….We don’t like what this woman did but these children are at risk!”

Well said, Peter.

Bare Barista Titillates Gretchen

Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson got titillated today over a topless waiter at the newly opened Grand View Topless Cafe in Vassalboro, Maine. As she began to read the story of the newly opened cafe and footage of the shirtless young man ran,  Gretch exclaimed, “Topless coffee shop? That got my attention.” She tittered and stuttered, “Th, those pecs are getting my attention.” Helping her through the story, co-host Steve Doocy cautioned, “Concentrate. Concentrate.” As she stammered through the segment, she laughed and said, “I’m get [sic] a little flustered.” Doocy replied, “No kidding!”

Vid link:

AP: Maine coffee shop goes topless

Other links:

http://kennebecjournal.mainetoday.com/newsupdate.php?updates/vassalboro-topless-coffee-shop-opens http://www.usnews.com/blogs/the-inside-job/2009/2/25/topless-coffee-shop-drew-150-applicants-for-10-positions.html

No Beads, Kiran?

On this Mardi Gras morn, American Morning co-host John looked wan and in need of a Bloody Mary or two after a weekend of revelry in the Big Easy as he addressed the AM audience. Conspicuously absent from his co-anchor Kiran Chetry, were the beloved bacchanalian beads. However, the Nepalese nymph (or, maybe, hubby Chris) seemed to be sending clear signals that she would not be participating in the risque rituals of Carnival: she had donned a pine green top with a neck-high collar doubly secured by a buttoned flap.

No Mardi Gras beads for Kiran this A.M.: at least, not yet.

Oscars: Courtney Cut

Unfortunately, for Courtney Friel fans, the blonde beauty will not return to the red carpet tonight at the 81st Annual Academy Awards. After an On the Record with Greta van Susteren Oscars report Friday, the FNC correspondent said, “I, unfortunately, won’t be there to cover it. I know there’s [sic] tiny violins playing in the living rooms right now, feeling bad for me.” A sympathetic Greta replied, “I was hoping for that….that you were going to do it.”

Clearly chagrined, Courtney answered, “The economy is affecting us all: Even the corresponding is getting cut down.”  Consolingly, Greta commented, “We’ll have to watch, unfortunately, from our living rooms and miss your commentary: But, Courtney, next year! The economy is coming back so next year!” An appreciative Courtney pumped her fist and, hopefully, asserted, “That’s right!”

No worries, Courtney. According to a Drudge headline, the Oscars this year may be the most boring ever. Chin up!

Aly Out: F&F Threesome

Is Fox & Friends no longer a foursome? In today’s America’s Newrooms F&F ad, Alisyn Camerota no longer appeared as she had in an earlier one with F&F co-hosts Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson, and Brian Kilmeade. Only eight days ago Carpe Diem wondered whether the FNC brass were affirming Aly’s importance to the F&F franchise (F&F and F&F Weekend) or her preeminence on F&FW (and tacitly relegating Clayton Morris and Dave Briggs to second banana status). When the FNC suits decided to change their ad, were they merely updating their  promo or did they do so realizing their subliminal message had become overt?

F&F Foursome

Gretchen Goes Down

In a somewhat surreal moment, Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson got down under the curvy couch table and lay in a fetal position after ominous warnings by the eponymous host of the Glenn Beck show. After previously predicting a possible depression and revolution to a rather skeptical Bill O’Reilly, Beck iterated the same forecast to the F&F co-hosts Gretch, Brian Kilmeade, and Steve Doocy with more elaboration. When Beck mentioned that the military was preparing for a potential revolution, Gretch got alarmed.

As Beck began to go more and more into detail, Gretch said, “You know what, I’m just going to get down here ’cause you’re scaring me so much; I’m just taking a break; [and] I’m going to be hiding underneath here, Glen, okay? Tell me when the world is okay to come back out, okay?” Beck and Brian began laughing and Steve just looked down with incredulity. Gretch remained there for the remainder of the segment while the others humored her.

Even though Gretch looked a bit silly and not quite with it, she was endearing. She seemed to be making an effort to go beyond her CBS comfort zone and reach out to her zanier F&F audience. Good effort, Gretch!

To See or Not to See?

To see or not to see: That is the question. As to the TMZ pic of pop star Rihanna after purported being brutalized by her boyfriend Chris Brown, Fox & Friends and American Morning answered it quite differently. F&F gave it’s viewers long, lingering looks at the painfully disturbing pic: However, according to AM co-host Kiran Chetry, CNN decided not to air the pic “right now” (while acknowledging that the photos were out there).

Obviously, the picture is of public interest due to the high visibility of the attractive, rich, and famous young lovers. Furthermore, it is readily available to anyone with Internet access. However, should domestic violence victims be given a zone of privacy generally accorded to sex crime victims?

FNF has spoken. CNN has not “right now”: Should it? You make the call.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/news/sfl-people-rihanna20090220024839,0,1961452.photo

Leave It to Baier

FNC’s Special Report anchor Bret Baier did not particularly appreciate being compared by Glenn Beck to Beaver Cleaver today. After Baier’s preview of his program during the Glenn Beck show, Beck commented, “Bret, you look, honestly, you look like somebody that should be on ‘Leave It to Beaver’: You look like you’re eighteen years old.” Visibly miffed, the fresh-faced replacement for FNC’s journalistic pillar Britt Hume deadpanned, “That’s really, that’s really wonderful: That’s a wonderful tease. Thank you very much.”

Beck replied, “I don’t mean that as a slam. I guess that sounded bad, didn’t it?” Trying to dig himself out of the hole that he had dug for himself, he said, “You just look like a clean-cut, all-American, I’m-in-there-pitching-for-you kind  of guy.” Ostensibly accepting his explanation, Bret replied, “Well that’s it: I am.” As an aside, after the segue, Beck commented, “He’s going to hate me.”

In truth, Baier does look a bit like the Beaver.

Adam’s Fall

After taking a high-tech lie detector test on the Live Desk, FNC correspondent Adam Housley may be in big trouble with his long-time girlfriend. At the close of his report on a new truth detector with a supposed accuracy of @95%, Adam welcomed questions to test him from co-hosts Patti Ann Brown and Trace Gallagher.

Patti Ann asked, “How many personal calls do you make on your work cell phone?” Falteringly, Adam responded, “I don’t make very many” and the machine registered, “False statement.”Adam said, “That wasn’t fair: You’re going to get me in trouble.

Then a more devious Trace queried, “I want to know when you are going to marry that girl you’ve been dating for like eleven years.” (A smiling, yet sympathetic Patti Ann turned to Trace and hit him on the arm with the back of her hand.) Abashedly, Adam asked, “Do I have to answer that one?” Trace retorted, “Just answer: say something. I think she’s watching.”

Reluctantly, Adam replied, “Hopefully, soon” and the lie detector flashed “False statement” again and then “Subject is not sure.” Patti Ann gasped, “Oh, no!” and Trace laughed, “So sorry!” A ruby-red, sheepish Adam declared, “Gallagher, I’m coming to live with you….You put me on the spot….You’re in big trouble with me.”

After that fall, Adam will be working by the “sweat of his brow” to make up with his Eve.

Kiran No Prude

Yesterday American Morning co-anchor John Roberts revealed that Kiran Chetry is no fan of PDA. As a Carol Costello segment showing kissing couples concluded, Roberts kidded, “Kiran’s going ‘ow’ (with finger toward mouth as if to indicate nausea), the people kissing in public, she can’t stand it!” Kiran ask, “Is that terrible?” After correspondent Carol Costello animatedly answered, “Yes,” Kiran commented, “I don’t like seeing people ‘suck face’ in public.” Then pointing to Roberts, she added, “He says it’s ’cause I have a deep-rooted insecurity about kissing: It’s not that.”

Roberts interjected, “They weren’t ‘sucking face’: they were kissing, a public display of affection. It’s nice: it’s endearing.” Shaking her head no, Kiran continued, “Carol, you know you don’t want to see people making out in public: You know you don’t!” Looking incredulous, Carol riposted, “Well, kissing is fine. Kiran, you’re a prude!”

Not wanting to leave that accusation unchallenged as the program ended, Kiran replied, “No” and teased, “If you heard the rest of the conversation, you wouldn’t think I was a prude.”

“That’s Not Hard”: Stimulus Signing Bidenism

President Barack Obama must wish that his gaffe-prone vice president would just stick to the script.  During the President’s opening remarks today in Denver before signing the stimulus bill into law, he got sabotaged with yet another Bidenism. Less than a month after chastening his Vice President Joe Biden for his swipe at Chief Justice John Roberts concerning the flubbed inaugural oath, Biden took a shot at former Vice President Dick Cheney behind Obama’s back. As the President saluted Joe Biden as the “best Vice President that we’ve had in awhile,” Biden turned to an off-screen person, smiled, and mouthed, “That’s not hard.”

It was another less than subtle partisan snipe at his predecessor who he has decried as the “most dangerous vice president we’ve had probably in American history.” Not necessarily the most appropriate thing to do before the President inks his first major legislative accomplishment.

On the plane ride back to the White House, the President may well provide his Veep with a “little turbulence.”

afterhttps://jakeho.wordpress.com/2009/01/21/another-bidenism-joe-jabs-chief-justice/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/12/21/cheney-mocks-biden-in-fox_n_152690.html?page=4

* 3:07 p.m. ET – Studio B with Shepard Smith

Aly’s Motor Revved

Daytona 500 winner Matt Kenseth got Fox & Friends co-anchor Aly’s motor running and revved this morning. After F&F co-hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy queried Kenseth about his car, the race, etc., in her second question, Aly inquired, “Matt, let’s talk about your personal life: Are you single?” When a blushing, grinning Kenseth responded, “No,” Aly replied, “Oh, you’re not? Okay, next question.” Brian interjected, “Neither are you, Alisyn.” Chuckling, Steve added, “How dare you!”

As the segment concluded, smiling at Aly, Brian queried, “What do you really know about him?” An abashed Aly responded, “Not much but I did find him very charming. Brian retorted, “Obviously.” Salaciously, Steve asked, “How long has your husband been out of town.” Gamely, Aly laughed, “He’ll be home soon.” Steve riposted, “Not soon enough.”

O’Reilly: Appalachian Children Hopeless

Bill O’Reilly, “champion” of children, dismissed Kentucky’s Appalachian children as “hopeless” last night on his “O’Reilly Factor.” Before his interview with Diane Sawyer on her ABC special, “A Hidden America: Children of the Mountains” on the need to help these impoverished children, O’Reilly,  opined, “There’s really nothing we can do about it.”

After Diane Sawyer compassionately spoke of the moral imperative to aid these economically challenged children (born generally of white mountaineers) through the information economy, O’Reilly, citing his former volunteer work in the area, replied, “Their parents are screwed up….Their parents are drunks….There’s a lot of meth; [and] there’s a lot of irresponsibility.” He added, “I don’t want to sound hopeless about it but I think it is hopeless.” In a green Gore moment, he moralized, “I don’t want to rebuild the infrastructure of Appalachia. I want to leave it pristine: It’s beautiful.”

Perhaps, in the “No Spin Zone,” all children are not created equal.

*O’Reilly Factor (02/13/09) – 8:24 p.m. ET

Romantic Dave: Family Affair

Fox & Friends Dave Briggs’ thoughts turned to his beloved this Valentine’s Day as he remembered their first dance. While F&F opened its second hour B Block to “One More Day”* by Diamond Rio, Dave Briggs remarked, “This is her song: This is it, my first dance with my wife [Brandi].” Co-anchor Alisyn Camerota asked, “At you wedding?” Not responding, he added, “One More Day” from Diamond Rio: good tune!” [Readers, to answer Aly’s question, it was: In the Dancing Dude** segment, Dave told Cheryl Burke of Dancing with the Stars that he had not danced before his lesson except with his wife at their wedding.]

Not surprisingly, Co-host Clayton Morris sarcastically responded, “Oh, how sweet!” Not wanting to appear too romantic, Dave goofily smiled, looked to the heavens, and put his right forefinger to his lips. Aly jokingly observed, “He’s transported.”

Actually, he probably was: Sports guy Dave does seem to be a romantic at heart and a loving hubby and a devoted dad. E.g., when he felt a few months ago that Carpe Diem had wrongly accused him of making a chauvinistic comment about his wife, he sent the author two missives indicating his great love for her and assuring him that she could “do whatever/whenever she so chooses.”*** Today Dave tenderly held his daughter Emerson in his arms as he did a “Family Affair” Valentine’s Day segment. Not to mention that he looks at pictures of Brandi and their two children during F&F breaks to make him happy according to Aly.

As F&F contributor Karl Rove later jested, Dave’s “a very sensitive guy.” Not bad, Dave. Not bad at all.

Helpful hint, Dave: You may want to say “our song” next time.

*http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/diamond-rio/one-more-day-3264.html

**https://jakeho.wordpress.com/2009/02/07/dancing-dude-dave-or-clayton/

Briggs Responds: “My Wife Can Do Whatever She Wants”

A.N.: Anais Nin

America’s Newsroom co-anchor Megyn Kelly waxed rather risque today after a story mentioning the “Delta smelt.” After the AN segment on CA water scarcity being exacerbated by fed eco protections of the endangered fish, co-host Bill Hemmer turned to Megyn and slyly asked, “Did you catch the name of that fish?”* With a knowing smile, Megyn responded, “Did she [the reporter] say, ‘Delta smelt’?” Bill answered, “Yeah.”

Blushing slightly, a laughing Megyn ribaldly replied, “I’m sorry but “Delta smelt” reminds me of a little saying we had when we were kids.” Bill guffawed, “I’m with you.”

For the more cloistered reader, Anais Nin’s “Delta of Venus” might provide a clue.

*AN – 10:54 a.m. ET