Babysitter Bachmann: Gretchen Reminisces

“My Cher moment”: Michelle’s subtle sop? Before getting “*itch slapped” by Jimmy Fallon and his house band last night, GOP candidate Michele Bachmann received a much warmer welcome from Fox & Friends anchor Gretchen Carlson and her co-hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy earlier in the morning. In her return to the F&F curvy couch Tuesday before the Republican debate, Bachmann opined on politics, her new book, Core of Conviction: My Story, and–her teen years as Gretchen’s babysitter.

After the interview about politics, Brian asked Bachmann about her memoir, querying, “What are going to learn in this book that we didn’t learn already?” In response, Bachmann recalled her family’s abrupt fall from the middle class into poverty and recounted how she had to get a baby-sitting job to pay for such necessities as her glasses, clothes, and school lunch. Interjecting her own story, Gretchen remarked, “Speaking of babysitting, one of the families you babysat was my family.”

Animatedly, Bachmann replied, “That’s right! One of the best families ever.” As producers aired a black-and-white photo [@ 05:29 of vid] of a radiant young Bachmann, apparently, keeping an overjoyed child afloat in the water, Gretchen rejoined, “Well, thank you very much. But, one of the small-world coincidences right there. And…there’s Michelle with me in the pool when I believe we were at the resort.”

As Gretchen reminisced, Michelle interposed, “I was about fifteen, and, so, maybe, you were, maybe, six.” Gretchen answered, “I was about six, five or six. And what I loved about Michele Bachmann, back then Michelle Amble, was her long hair.” Then pointing to the bottom of her bum, a wide-eyed Gretchen exclaimed, “It went all the way down to right here!”

Beaming broadly, Bachmann cooed, “Oh, yeah….My Cher period!” Nodding her yes, Gretchen pointed at Bachman and joyfully tattled, “And, she let me drink grape soda, too!” Laughing, Bachmann concluded, “Yes…I was a very good babysitter!”

Bachmann’s “my Cher period”: a subtle sop to the unamused mother of Dancing with the Stars celeb Chaz Bono?”

AM: All Ms. (Bristol Palin)

Five features for the Dancing with the Stars finalist! In one of the strangest American Morning shows yet, co-host Kiran Chetry and CNN correspondent Carol Costello elevated Bristol Palin, former governor Sarah Palin‘s daughter, almost to the status of America’s Princess. On a day when AM celebrated Great Britain’s Prince William and his fiancee Kate Middleton extensively, it likewise covered America’s Tea Party Princess Bristol Palin albeit with more caustic commentary.

On this surreal American Morning, Bristol appeared thrice in “Morning Talkers” (Kiran/John Roberts’ confab) as to her PSA with the Jersey Shore‘s Situation in an abstinence/safe-sex spot and twice in “Gut Check” (Carol’s report) as to her advancement to the final on ABC’s DWTS. However, this American Morning princess was not well received by either Kiran or Carol.

In the “Morning Talkers” segments, Kiran appeared loaded for bear, or the Mama Grizzly’s cub, at least. In the very first one, Kiran laughed that the single mom’s paean to abstinence was “jaw-dropping” and “painful to watch…(that’s why I wanted to bring it to you guys).”* In the next one, Kiran noted, that Bristol’s words were “cringe inducing” immediately before joyfully announcing that Michael Vick, convicted felon and animal abuser–incidentally,  the quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles, her husband Chris Knowles’ favorite team–appeared possibly headed for redemption as the NFL’s MVP this year.** Then, in the third and final one, Kiran scoffed at Bristol, saying, “Some fine acting….I think that people should practice what they preach about that.”***

[After Kiran made that acerbic remark about Bristol, co-anchor John Roberts told Kiran that her microphone was off. In reply Kiran replied, “Maybe, my mike was off for a reason: I couldn’t put my foot in my mouth.” Unfortunately for Kiran, she could: her audience was still able to hear her.]

In Carol’s “Gut Check” story (which aired twice),**** Bristol fared no better. When John segued to Carol’s report, he declared, “While the judges may not exactly love her moves, the television audience keeps pushing Palin through, leaving some people to wonder if, maybe, we’re witnessing a vast conservative conspiracy.” Leaving little doubt as to where she stood, Carol replied, “If Bristol Palin’s presence on Dancing with the Stars proves anything, it proves just how partisan we’ve become as a nation.” Darkly, she added, “I’m sure you’ve heard this: some believe the only reason Bristol Palin remains on Dancing with the Stars is because of the Tea Party/Republican conspiracy.”

AM‘s Bristol Palin: no common, ordinary girl.

*American Morning – 11/17/10 (@ 6:24 a.m. ET)

**American Morning – 11/17/10 (@ 7:25 a.m. ET)

***American Morning – 11/17/10 (@ 8:21 a.m. ET)

****American Morning – 11/17/10 (@ 6:32 a.m. ET)

****American Morning – 11/17/10 (@ 8:31 a.m. ET)

The Notorious J.F.C.

“That was pretty good.” This morning American Morning contributor Jason Carroll got caught rocking it out to the rap of the Notorious B.I.G before his segment. As AM returned from commercial break to the tune of  “Mo Money: Mo Problems,” the audience heard the sounds of human oral percussion.* With his back to the camera, there sat Jason, apparently, the mouth of music, moving animatedly to the beat. When co-hosts Kiran Chetry and John Roberts caught sight of the cam, Kiran suddenly stopped her more subtle swaying but John just continued reservedly rocking his head.

As the cameraperson zoomed in on Kiran and John, Jason whispered, “That was pretty good.” Grinning broadly, Kiran turned to him and remarked, “We did catch you there, Jason!” Chuckling, John interjected, “Jason approves.”

Subsequently, after Kiran previewed Jason’s report about a Detroit teenager, John jested, “Her story is the latest in our ongoing series, Building Up America. And, our Dancing with the Stars contestant, Jason Carroll, here with that this morning.” Grabbing his coat lapels, Jason sheepishly replied, “You caught me [inaudible], too!”

Too bad, the AM audience does not share more such “off-camera” moments. With Americans waking up each day to two prolonged wars, economic distress, and ecological disaster, they could use a little levity on occasion. Hopefully, AM executive producer Jamie Kraft is listening.

*American Morning – 06/30/10 (@8:55 a.m. ET)

“Cougar” Carlson: Saved by the Bell?

Rowrrr! With baby-faced beefcake “Extra” weekday host Mario Lopez on the Fox & Friends curvy couch, co-anchor Gretchen Carlson appeared ready to pounce. Thoughts of her very own “Saved by the Bell” boy toy seemed to permeate the atmosphere as she and her co-host, Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy, interviewed Lopez and even into the show’s subsequent block.

Before the segment, Brian gave his sportscast and named Minnesota Viking quarterback “forty-year old Brett Favre” as his choice as his weekly “Brian’s Best Player.” In an aside, he joked, “Hey, forty-year olds get off the couch, put on a uniform and the eye black. You can still play!” Before he segued to Lopez’ interview, the forty-three old Gretchen groused, “You make Favre and forties sound like it’s ancient.” Brian deadpanned, “it’s very old.”

During Lopez’ interview, Brian asked, “Am I right [that] you were never a dancer until you gave it a shot on Dancing with the Stars [2006].” After Lopez said that he had not danced since he was a child of five or six, Gretchen racily remarked, “Well, let me just tell you, you still have the moves!”

Later, when the F&F producers put up a pic of Lopez donning ladies’ lingerie, a Merry Widow variant, for FOX’s Nip/Tuck series, Gretchen oohed, “Aww, man! She suggestively added, “I understand the inside story on this was that you didn’t like the way your feet looked in the shoes but that some people liked your butt.” Reddening, Lopez asked, “Wait, what inside story is that?” Before she could answer, Brian interjected, “Yeah, what is going on, Gretchen? What are your sources?” Undeterred, Gretchen continued, “That’s what I read. I read the chicks are envious of your butt.” Apparently, rather ready to move on, Lopez deflectively declared, “I did not know that but…I was surprised they found heels…for a size eleven shoe.”

However, in the very next block, Gretchen was still purring. As she and Steve discussed mammogram and self-exams in a health care segment with Dr. Mehmet Oz (the host of the Dr. Oz Show” jested, “By the way, Mario Lopez is back in the green room trying to learn from me how to examine breasts.” Randily, Gretchen exclaimed, “I think he knows!” Finally, as the segment concluded, Gretchen lustily eyed the camera and cooed, “I’m not kidding, ladies.”

F&F’s Scary “SIN”ior Moments II

Commando Cloris? A much too Franken Frau Blucher? Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy serendipitously solicits some of the most lubricious details from his senior interviewees. E.g., when he asked film legend Ernest Borgnine his secret to looking twenty years younger, Borgnine replied, “I don’t dare tell you!”: Then, of course, he did.* Today, was no different.

Before Leachman’s Cyprian revelation,** F&F had intro’d her interview by showing her on “Dancing with the Stars” lying on the floor, as Steve said, “showing her underwear.” Then Gretchen asked her about her account in Cloris: My Autobiography of successfully inducing Ed Asner, Mary Tyler Moore’s Lou Grant, to lose weight by offering herself to him literally.  After Leachman had confirmed this naughty account, Steve asked Leachman about her being practically “naked wearing a salad in an ad for PETA.”

She risquely responded, “Well, I had a bra on and I don’t wear underwear anyway.” Steve guffawed, “Okay, then!” Giggling, co-anchor Gretchen Carlson saucily interjected, “Oh, Fox News Alert!” Laughing, Leachman exclaimed, “Sh, sh, sh! Erase that last part!”

*https://jakeho.wordpress.com/2008/08/14/ffs-open-mikes/

**F&F (04/06/09) – 8:56 a.m. ET

http://www.cloris.com/

Romantic Dave: Family Affair

Fox & Friends Dave Briggs’ thoughts turned to his beloved this Valentine’s Day as he remembered their first dance. While F&F opened its second hour B Block to “One More Day”* by Diamond Rio, Dave Briggs remarked, “This is her song: This is it, my first dance with my wife [Brandi].” Co-anchor Alisyn Camerota asked, “At you wedding?” Not responding, he added, “One More Day” from Diamond Rio: good tune!” [Readers, to answer Aly’s question, it was: In the Dancing Dude** segment, Dave told Cheryl Burke of Dancing with the Stars that he had not danced before his lesson except with his wife at their wedding.]

Not surprisingly, Co-host Clayton Morris sarcastically responded, “Oh, how sweet!” Not wanting to appear too romantic, Dave goofily smiled, looked to the heavens, and put his right forefinger to his lips. Aly jokingly observed, “He’s transported.”

Actually, he probably was: Sports guy Dave does seem to be a romantic at heart and a loving hubby and a devoted dad. E.g., when he felt a few months ago that Carpe Diem had wrongly accused him of making a chauvinistic comment about his wife, he sent the author two missives indicating his great love for her and assuring him that she could “do whatever/whenever she so chooses.”*** Today Dave tenderly held his daughter Emerson in his arms as he did a “Family Affair” Valentine’s Day segment. Not to mention that he looks at pictures of Brandi and their two children during F&F breaks to make him happy according to Aly.

As F&F contributor Karl Rove later jested, Dave’s “a very sensitive guy.” Not bad, Dave. Not bad at all.

Helpful hint, Dave: You may want to say “our song” next time.

*http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/diamond-rio/one-more-day-3264.html

**https://jakeho.wordpress.com/2009/02/07/dancing-dude-dave-or-clayton/

https://jakeho.wordpress.com/2008/12/27/briggs-responds-my-wife-can-do-whatever-she-wants/

Dancing Dude: Dave or Clayton?

Fox & Friends co-hosts Dave Briggs and Clayton Morris dueled in an abecedarian dance-off today.* After being tutored by Cheryl Burke of Dancing with the Stars and then teaming with her, the Doublemen individually vied for dancing dude honors. According to this untrained eye, the contest was a virtual tie. However, early viewer returns and co-anchor Alisyn Camerota’s comments seemed to indicate a victory for Dave.

Did Dave defeat Clayton? Or do the viewers need a do-over with David* and his beauty Brandi taking on Clayton and his sweetie Sarah? Rematch, boys, with your real dance partners?

*9:46 a.m. ET

** Briggs: “David” to his wife and mother-in-law but “Dave” to everyone else.

Links:

https://jakeho.wordpress.com/2008/12/27/briggs-responds-my-wife-can-do-whatever-she-wants/

https://jakeho.wordpress.com/2008/08/10/my-hot-wife/

Gretch Got Game?

Today was not Gretchen Carlson’s day on FNC’s Fox & Friends. She started F&F First by apologizing for making fun of the arm injury to a Dancing with the Stars male dancer yesterday. Later on F&FF, she wrongly corrected Brian Kilmeade about which of Drew Pearson’s wives was found dead in a bathtub: Brian and Steve Doocy gently righted the confused co-host. Finally, while reading the headlines on the regular F&F, Gretch said that Ryan Schallenberger was accused of blowing up his school: Steve reminded her that the teenager “did not actually blow up the school.” Perhaps, today the audience should have mimicked Jackie Mason who on Monday merely ignored Gretch to her great chagrin and extreme exasperation and, perhaps, to the viewer’s perverse pleasure.