O’Reilly Out: Carlson In

Five replaces Carlson; Bolling replaces Five; and Watters replaces Bolling. Yesterday, FNC honcho Rupert Murdoch “caved”: Joined his boys James and Lachlan in dethroning the King of Cable Bill O’Reilly (statement)–while O’Reilly was on vacation. And, O’Reilly did not get the last word on his once eponymous show last night newly named simply The Factor.

Rather, The Factor fill-in host Dana Perino solemnly declared, “Finally, tonight, it is the end of an era here at the Fox News Channel….Bill O’Reilly is leaving this chair and this network after more than twenty years. Bill has been the undisputed king of cable news, and for good reason: He is an incredibly talented broadcaster who raised the bar for interviewers everywhere; he has also held his staff to exacting standards in his quest to put the best possible program on the air and they are great; and you his audience responded in record numbers making The Factor the number one cable news show for more than sixteen years.” Trying to soften the blow to O’Reilly’s fans further, Dana declared, “In a memo to the staff today, Rupert, James, and Lachlan Murdoch who run Fox News described Bill this way, [saying], “By ratings standards, Bill O’Reilly is one of the most accomplished TV personalities in the history of cable news. In fact, his success by any measure is indisputable. We wish him the very best.”

Even though the Murdochs recently re-signed their FNC flagship anchor and top revenue generator to an 18-million-per-year contract, they decided to  jettison O’Reilly amid the continuing allegations of sexual harassment. According to the New York Times, Fox luminaries Rebecca Gomez (2011), Laurie Dhue (2016), and Juliet Huddy (2016) have received settlements: Furthermore, reportedly, erstwhile Outnumbered regular Andrea Tantaros‘s psychologist Michele Berdy said under oath that Andrea “complained to me about recurring unwanted advances from Bill O’Reilly.” To boot, the New York Daily News reported, “On the day before he [O’Reilly] was booted, a black colleague said a leering O’Reilly shamelessly ogled her cleavage and nicknamed her ‘Hot Chocolate.'”

Not amused, O’Reilly responded to his firing, saying, “It is tremendously disheartening that we [Fox News and O’Reilly] part ways due to completely unfounded claims. But that is the unfortunate reality many of us in the public eye must live with today. I will always look back on my time at Fox with great pride in the unprecedented success we achieved and with my deepest gratitude to all my dedicated viewers.” [For full statement, link here.]

As to O’Reilly’s dedicated viewers, they will now have “a new evening and prime time lineup” according to Fox News. As of Monday (April 24),  Tucker Carlson Tonight will replace the recently renamed O’Reilly Factor (to The Factor); The Five will follow with the usual cast of Kimberly Guilfoyle, Greg Gutfeld, Dana Perino, Juan Williams, and Bob Beckel with the addition of Jesse Watters to take Eric Bolling‘s middle chair (April 24); Bolling gets his own show in the old The Five slot at 5:00 p.m. ET (May 1).

Coaxing his own Tucker Carlson Tonight viewers to make the jump to the new time last night, Tucker concluded his show saying, “There is change coming to Fox News, the channel and to this program: Starting Monday, we are moving to 8 p.m. Eastern Time. You’ve made the journey with us from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m.: We hope you’ll come along once more and join us an hour earlier.” Graciously, he aptly added, “We’ve got big shoes to fill: We’re going to do our best.”

Indeed, Tucker does have big shoes to fill: Whether O’Reilly devotees will give Tucker that chance remains to be known. And, to whether FNC fans cotton to James and Lachlan’s kinder, gentler Fox News is another issue altogether: Their father Rupert had the Midas touch with his “Mad Men” mentality. Going PC may be FNC’s folly: Alchemy in reverse.

Anna, Maria, & Greta Gone

Wow! Two days, three Foxes out! Monday, Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Anna Kooiman had her final sendoff (vid) as she departed the F&F curvy couch on her cross-country trek before going Down Under to be with her Aussie hubby Tim Stuckey (pic). Tuesday, FNC meteorologist Maria Molina said goodbye to her F&F fans (vid) as she returns to Central Michigan University to continue to pursue her PhD in “Earth Science.” Yesterday, Greta van Susteren left her On the Record fans without so much as an adieu, leaving temporary fill-in host Brit Hume to remark at the end of the show, “Finally, a word about Greta van Susteren….She has left Fox News, saying, ‘Today, the place just didn’t feel like home anymore.’ I count Greta a friend, and I’m sorry to see her go. All of us here certainly wish her well: She made a big contribution, and we will miss her!”

[Author’s aside: Gretchen Carlson, Roger Ailes, Andrea Tantaros, Jedediah Bila, Anna Kooiman, Maria Molina, and Greta van Susteren gone–so quickly: Crazy!]

Maria Molina: FNC Loses Another Fox? [Updated]

Seriously?! According to FTVLive, FNC meteorologist Maria Molina is leaving Fox News and she will be announcing her exit early tomorrow morning. Reportedly, she is going to Central Michigan University to get her PHD, and she will be working at WJBK part-time in Detroit.

Maria’s departure falls on the heels of the vamooses of hottie Outnumbered co-host Andrea Tantaros, leggy lovely frequent Outnumbered co-anchor Jedidiah Bila, 2013 Miss USA Red Eye co-host Joanne Nosuchinsky, and Fox & Friends Weekend  co-anchor Anna Kooiman. Not to mention Gretchen Carlson: And, who knows about her purported supporter Kelly File anchor Megyn Kelly. At least, former Victoria’s Secret model The Five‘s comely Kimberly Guilfoyle, Fox & Friends First co-hosts lovely Heather Childers and beauty Abby Huntsman; and Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhart are still at Fox News–at least, for now.

Bill Shine, if you keep losing the “Foxes” post Roger, you will be left with only “Friends.” And, for FNC fans, this is not a good thing. Get it together!

H/t J$, for your “heads up”!

Update: Maria announced her exit indeed on Fox & Friends this morning at 6:32 a.m. ET. (08/25/16).  Fox & Friends Tweet (including vid): https://twitter.com/foxandfriends/status/768761326210473985.

“Aussie” Anna: Traitor! ;-)

What the h*ll is going on with Fox News now that Roger has left the building?! Hottie Outnumbered co-anchor Andrea Tantaros has left the FNC air, leggy frequent Outnumbered co-host Jedidiah Bila followed suit; and now the lovely Alisyn Camerota’s sexy successor Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Anna Kooiman is abdicating her reign on the curvy couch to follow hubby Tim Stuckey back to the “Land Down Under.” And, now fans are left only with brainy Tucker Carlson and nerdy Clayton Morris: What is the F&FW fan to do?

Who knows? Unless FNC boss Bill Shine brings back the thrice ruling queen of F&FW Alisyn Camerota (or her former F&FW co-host Nepali beauty Kiran Chetry), installs luscious F&F First newbie Abby Huntsman, or “steals” Greek goddess FBN:AM co-host Nicole Petallides, it may well be time to take the weekend off from watching Fox & Friends‘ weekend edition.

Bill, faithful F&FW fans do not watch four hours of the show for the “Friends.” No offense, Tucker and Clayton: But, they watch it mainly for the “Fox.” Make it happen, Bill!

As to F&FW‘s latest sweet, beautiful, vivacious “Fox” Anna, this evening she Tweeted, “Friends! I’m moving to Australia! My husband landed a new job in Sydney. So proud of him! But will miss you so much.” According to TVNewser, Anna’s last day is the 5th of September.

Thanks for the memories, Anna! You’ll truly be missed, too!

 

Andrea Tantaros Nude

Tantaros: How much do I want to share with America? Missing Outnumbered co-host Andrea Tantaros is nowhere to be found on Fox News as of late. Perhaps, she is still “Tied Up in Knots” as her latest book suggests. And, naked in bed to boot.

Sitting in the leg chair on Outnumbered on the right usually, Andrea has always commanded rapt attention in her sexy short skirts and in her killer high heels. But, what else would one expect from the purported love of former Chili Hot Peppers rocker and current Jane’s Addiction guitarist Dave Navarro? Now she has disappeared: Rumors are she was taken off the air, at least, for now, possibly because of her purported Trump leanings.

For Andrea’s acolytes, her absence is a whit unwelcome. Perhaps, on occasion, their disappointment is ameliorated in part when the leggy Jedidiah Bilah makes her too rare appearance.

But, take heart, Andrea devotees. One can enjoy her 2012 November Playboy appearance, er, her interview–sorry, lads– with John Meroney. Or, read her “Tied Up in Knots.” And, for Andrea’s more avid acolytes, they can be seduced by her siren coos on a future audio book.

Less than a year ago on Outnumbered, Andrea bared herself for her fans during a segment subtitled, “Get Your ZZZZZs with No Undies.”* Presiding over that very segment, occasional co-host Jedidiah Bilah revealed, “You know what’s funny? I can’t sleep naked for some reason. I have to have my Spiderman pajamas on: Don’t worry, they’re very sexy! But, I can’t sleep in the nude–this is why I’m single.” Turning to Andrea, she racily remarked, “I can’t sleep in the nude. Can you? Have you mastered this, this, this?”

Saucily, Andrea answered, “You know, I’ve been pondering this for the entire show: How much do I want to share with America? And, all I’m going to say is ‘yes.'”

FNC’s “Outnumbered”: Andrea’s missing! “Tied Up in Knots”–and sleeping in the nude!

*Outnumbered – 07/02/15 (@ 12:58 p.m. ET).

Outnumbered! Sans Andrea NOT!

Where the “H-E-double hockey sticks” is Andrea Tantaros? The absence of the sharp, scintillating FNC hottie with the high hemline and the killer heels on Outnumbered is duly noted: The occasional presence of the sexy Kimberly Guilfoyle will sometimes cause the casual male mind to “misremember” her potent presence as some allegedly steroid-primed pitcher once put it. But, the team of Sandra Smith, Harris Faulkner, and who ever happens to be the other two gals du jour–not to mention the #oneluckyguy on the couch–just does not cut it.

“Outnumbered” without its Greek Goddess? Not the best of views! Perhaps, it is time to watch “Fifty Shades of Grey”–or “Eyes Wide Shut” instead! And, if you’re an Andrea acolyte, buy “Tied Up in Knots” for good measure!

Bring her back, Bill Shine! And, quit losing our loveliest ladies–e.g., Kiran Chetry, Alisyn Camerota, and now, Andrea Tantaros! Seriously!

Sandra Smith: Sexy Enough?

Not yet! Recently, staid Outnumbered co-host Sandra Smith has become a fixture on the curvy couch on both Fox & Friends and F&F Weekend recently. The FBN/FNC co-anchor is a lovely but she is not exactly the eye candy that F&F fans expect. I.e., Sandra is the tom boy, the whilom LSU track athlete who likes to win the race but does not really care how she looks doing it.

And, that may be okay. However, on FNC, she needs to up her game. Sex it up a bit: a dab of decolletage or a mite more gam never hurts. After all, Fox & Friends means something: the gal in the center seat on the curvy couch needs to be the fox, and the boys are her friends.

If Sandra wants to compete for the center seat on the curvy couch on either F&F or F&FW, she has to bring her game: F&FW co-anchor Anna Kooiman appears ready to move from F&FW to F&F, and F&FW seems to be in flux or possibly awaiting the return of the lovely Ainsley Earhardt (after her maternity leave expires). To boot, FNC lovelies Kimberly Guilfoyle, Jedediah Bila, Andrea Tantaros, Nicole Petallides, and the like are at the ready–and the F&F fan will not settle. Not to mention (at least, on the weekday)–the delectable Alisyn Camerota is on the other channel!

O’Reilly: “Midnight Tantaros”

Andrea: “Oh no. This nickname is gonna stick.” Outnumbered co-host Andrea Tantaros was given a rather racy sobriquet by FNC ratings champ Bill O’Reilly. After introducing O’Reilly as today’s #oneluckyguy, Andrea remarked, “You know, we, we were on the Factor at eight and eleven last night: You kept me up ’til midnight. I’m not sick of you yet but we’ll check in afterwards.” Smiling mischievously, O’Reilly replied, “Well, I, I have to tell everybody [that] Tantaros’s nickname is ‘Midnight Tantaros.’ So…she leaves the show and goes out to Bungalow 14 or whatever it is.”

Shaking her head with amusement, Andrea smilingly exclaimed, “I don’t know where he gets this stuff from! Midnight at the Tantaros! Alright!”

Of course, Andrea’s acolytes may well have a clue. Their Aphrodite is a saucy Greek goddess who has been named one of the “Hottest Women of Fox News” by the “King of All Media,” Howard Stern; was interviewed in Playboy (“Yes, I’m in Playboy this month…No photos tho. Sorry!”); and downed 22 shots on her twenty-first birthday–not to mention who also snagged bad boy Dave Navarro, Jane’s Addiction guitarist (and whilom Red Hot Chili Peppers member).

Yes, “Midnight Tantaros” fits sexy Andrea just right. After O’Reilly had aptly dubbed her, one of Andrea’s Tweeps Tweeted, “You know…Midnight just rolls off the tongue-not that you could be any sexier.” In answer, Andrea exclaimed, “Oh no. This nickname is gonna stick. I can feel it. Thanks @oreillyfactor.”

Thanks indeed, O’Reilly! “Midnight Tantaros”? “Red Hot”!

Mommy Ainsley: Baby Hayden

Earhardt: “Welcome to this world, Hayden Dubose Proctor.” Fox & Friends First co-host Ainsley Earhardt and her hubby Will Proctor were overjoyed at the arrival of their baby daughter Hayden yesterday. With accompanying pics, Ainsley ecstatically Tweeted, “We are absolutely thrilled to welcome our new baby girl, Hayden, into this world. My husband and I are overjoyed!!”

Elaborating, Ainsley remarked, “We love her so much already.” To her bundle of joy, she said, “Welcome to this world, Hayden Dubose Proctor.” And, with a photo of herself looking lovingly at her newborn Hayden happily ensconced in her bosom, Ainsley declared, “My heart. I will cherish these moments for the rest of my life.”

Re the requisite details, Ainsley Tweeted, “God answered prayers. She’s healthy & happy. 7 lbs. 13 oz, 20″ long. Blue eyes/brown hair.”

Congratulations, Ainsley and Will! And, welcome, Hayden Dubose!

[Author’s aside: Andrea Tantaros and Kimberly Guilfoyle embrace Hayden, respectively (pic 1, pic 2).]

Outnumbered Turns One: Sexy Fun Facts

Fans may have missed about Andrea, Kimberly, and Ainsley. Friday, the Outnumbered co-host hotties featured fun, frisky moments from their inaugural year in a highlight reel: Today, Carpe Diem adds a few sexy memorable facts for the delectable dames’ devotees.

Outnumbered‘s lovely ladies (Andrea Tantaros, Kirsten Powers, Harris Faulkner, and Sandra Smith) Friday celebrated their favorites moments, including what saucy Andrea thinks of when she tries on her swimsuits for the very first time; how a married Harris checks outs a good-looking guy; why one HAS to marry an alluring Ainsley Earhardt; who comely Kirsten Powers thinks is hot; and which heated host was in Janet Jackson‘s Black Cat video–in a cage.

Carpe Diem remembers other sexy fun facts from the gorgeous gals: Andrea racily revealed that she sleeps in the nude;* Kimberly Guilfoyle coquettishly admitted that she was once a Victoria’s Secret model and that she still has “great lingerie” that she models at home;** and Ainsley blushingly disclosed that a certain ex had cheated on her and confidently added, “It was all good; it’s for the best; now I’m married to an amazing guy!“***

Happy anniversary, Outnumbered beauties!

*Outnumbered – 07/02/14 (@ 12:58 p.m. ET).

**Outnumbered – 09/01/14 (@ 12:55 p.m. ET).

***Outnumbered – 11/24/14 (@ 12:58 p.m. ET).

Tigress Sandra Smith’s Cub

“#Oneluckybaby”: John…9 lbs. 15 ounces, 21 inches long. Today, Outnumbered co-host Sandra Smith gave birth around 6:30 a.m. (CT) to a new L.S.U. cub, baby boy John, who is “doing great” according to Outnumbered co-anchor Harris Faulkner. When the photo of an angelic sleeping infant was displayed at the conclusion of Outnumbered (pic), Harris heralded his birth, saying, “Congratulations to Sandra Smith and her wonderful husband and her family! This is baby John: he is the third John in his family. Nine pounds, fifteen ounces, twenty-one inches long.” She elaborated, “They are doing great, Mom and this baby. They’re beautiful! They [sic] were born just a few hours ago–just before 6:30 (a.m.) Chicago time.”

Playing off the all-gal host show’s tagline, #oneluckyguy, Andrea Tantaros aptly chimed in, “And, you know what that means, Harris? We have our first “one lucky baby.” Smiling, Harris replied, “Hoo, hoo! Hashtag that!”

Indeed. Congratulations, Sandra and hubby!

[Author’s aside: Re cub John, his proud mom ran track (intercollegiate and cross-country) as a Louisiana State University as a tigress. For Tiger fans, her best memories include the football games, The Chimes, and, of course, crawfish season.]

Five’s Bolling: Hasselbeck Hotter than Gretchen?

F&F’s Kilmeade: Carlson “gets a week off and then she’s back in action.” Oops! FNC Five anchor Eric Bolling and Brian Kilmeade may have been a bit too candid about the co-host change at Fox & Friends and the debut date of Gretchen Carlson‘s new FNC show Thursday.

In the penultimate segment of the Five (September 12), Eric announced that blond beauty “Elisabeth Hasselbeck will join the [F&F] team” on the following Monday.* As a frequent F&F fill-in co-host, Eric seemed especially excited to have her aboard, exclaiming, “She’s definitely bringing up the hotness chart on, on the Fox & Friends.”** Appearing to catch Eric’s seemingly unwitting slight of Gretchen who would leave her seat on the curvy couch the very next day, Five co-anchor Andrea Tantaros groaned, “Hey! Ohhh!”

Coming to Gretchen’s seeming succor, also, Five co-host Dana Perino intoned, “I’m excited for Gretchen, too, because she’ll have a show, uh, I guess, sometime during the day.” Interjecting immediately, Five guest co-host Brian Kilmeade replied, “Yeah! Sometime during the day, they’re going to announce this week that she gets a week off and then she’s back in action.” Appearing to try to cover for Brian’s apparent faux pas, Dana asked, “Just a week?” Smiling sheepishly, Brian replied, “Yeah, I think.”

On Thursday, it was definitely five o’clock at Fox News: In vino veritas, Eric and Brian? Elisabeth might not mind but Gretchen just might.

*The Five – 09/12/13 (@ 5:49 p.m. ET).

**Ibid at @ 5:51 p.m. ET.

Five’s Beckel: Hey, Gum This, Andrea Tantaros!

Kimberly Guilfoyle: “Bob…do you know what you just said!” Today, The Five unfiltered co-host Bob Beckel took his hyper-sexual schtick to a whole new level–at the expense of his co-anchor Andrea Tantaros. When the Greek beauty tried to conclude her segment timely this afternoon (on the “Red Line in Syria”) and tease the next block, Bob babbled on: Seemingly irritated at his puerile solipsism, Andrea chided, “Bob, as my tenth grade biology teacher used to say, ‘Give the gums a rest!'”* Unrepentant, Bob bawdily riposted, “Hey, gum this!”

As a smiling Andrea tried to gamely soldier on in her segue, her aghast off-camera co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle exclaimed, “Terrible! Terrible!” Aptly, pricking the priapic Philistine further, she added, “Bob, I mean, do you know what you just said!”

The Five‘s bad boy? Nah, he probably had no clue. Yeah, right!

*The Five – 08/28/13 (@ 5:45 p.m. ET)

Sexy Kimberly Guilfoyle’s “Basic Instinct”

Juan Williams: “Wait! Wait! You’re distracting him!” Saucy Kimberly Guilfoyle scored on more than a few levels with her Five co-hosts and fans in her “bowdlerized” Basic Instinct display of last week. As Kimberly revealed her dominance in b’ball on Friday (06/07/13), she brought “rowwr power” to a whole new level.

In the Five segment designed to showcase the co-anchors shot-making prowess–or lack thereof (a la toddler Titus Ashby’s shellacking of Shaq on Jimmy Kimmel) co-hosts Kimberly, Juan, Eric Bolling, Andrea Tantaros and fill-in Brian Kilmeade took turns at throwing mini-basketballs at a small toy goal.* Starting off their friendly rivalry to see who could score the most points in twenty seconds, Brian supplied several balls to Kimberly. As the short-skirted lovely began to lob them at the basket with much success, Brian scurried to and fro to deliver them back to San Francisco’s comely former first lady.

Clapping enthusiastically, an adoring Juan exclaimed, “Yeah, Kimberly! Oh! Oh! Go, Kimberly, go! Rack ’em up!” As Kimberly eagerly scrambled for the balls and gave viewers and Brian a PG-rated Basic Instinct, she was given more than double the time that she had been actually allotted. As Kimberly began to score with alacrity, literally and figuratively, Five rival beauty Andrea exclaimed, “Who’s keeping score?”

Subsequently, an apparently addled Juan threw more than a few air balls in his ill-fated attempt to match Kimberly. When former Pittsburg Pirate draftee Eric Bolling tried to get his “game on,” comely Kimberly kicked her right gam up Rockette-style. Pointing to his gorgeous colleague, an ardent Juan declared, “Wait! Wait! You’re distracting him! You can’t kick your legs to distract him!”

Apparently, Kimberly must have done so. As Eric completed his feckless effort, Kimberly pulled her hiked skirt back down and raised her hands in triumph, exclaiming, “Oh, yeah! Wooh, hooh!” Subsequently, when Andrea begin her successful distaff attempt, Kimberly shouted, “Go! Girls rule! Yeah!” And, they did.

Futilely, sports guy Brian tried to compete thereafter with little success. When he had finished, he queried, “Do we have a winner, control room?” After the producers seemingly whispered in his ear, Brian declared, “Kimberly and Andrea have tied.” Apparently, abandoning his formerly “so hot” Andrea for the moment, Juan raised Kimberly’s hand high in the air in victory, proclaiming her “the champ.”

Sexy Kimberly Guilfoyle: “The girl [just] can’t help it!”

*The Five – 06/08/13 @5:40 p.m. ET (Saturday re-airing of prior day)

[Author’s aside: Sorry, CR readers for the delay: “Cleaning Out My Closet.”

Beckel Bawdy: Malkin Unamused

“Maligned” Tantaros: Don’t worry. I can handle carrots.” Five co-anchor Andrea Tantaros was almost unfazed by her co-anchor Bob Beckel who aimed his latest ribald remark squarely at her. In the penultimate segment of the Five yesterday about organic food, Andrea wielded an organic carrot and pointed it at Bob: never one to miss a moment to utter a double entendre, Bob cracked that she looked like she “could handle a hairy carrot.”* As a grinning Andrea rolled her eyes with her mouth agape in incredulity, the usually prim and proper co-anchor Dana Perino smiled and turned to co-host Eric Bolling, pleading, “Help him, Eric! Help him!”

Chuckling, Eric skillfully channeled the discussion back to the merits of organic veggies. As the segment began to conclude, Andrea, with her arms crossed in somewhat mock indignation, haltingly asked, “Are, you going to apologize?” Less than convincingly, Bob replied, “Yes, I apologize!” Grabbing a carrot from the plate, Bob protested, “But, that’s because you were waving it at my head!” As Andrea shook her head at yet another of his double entendres, Bob laughed, “My head? Whatever! I’m sorry!”

Clueless or wickedly clever, Dana interposed, “You remember the boneless chicken ranch?…The Far Side cartoon, Gary Larson did a thing about the boneless chicken ranch and the chickens were all like this [her head limp] over the fence.” Looking at Dana with a goatish gleam, an unrepentant Bob declared, “I’ve been to the Chicken Ranch [brothel (NSW)] in…Las Vegas. That sort of reminds me of a night of drinking.”

With her arms still crossed, Andrea acerbically announced, “That’s [a la boneless chicken necks] how you are going to be after this show!” Raising his voice, Bob riposted, “Alright, will you take it easy? You’re the one who talked about my–never mind!” Giggling, Andrea shook her anew at her bumbling, bumptious Bob.

Soon after the show, indignant Twitchy.com founder Michelle Malkin Tweeted, “NOT breaking: Bob Beckel said something sexually degrading and misogynist. And will get away with it. Again.” [Cf. Twitchy.com‘s “Gross: Serial misogynist Bob Beckel directs vulgar remark at Andrea Tantaros.” Seemingly, in response, Andrea Pooh-poohed the matter [comparing it to Brent Musburger’s BCS Miss Alabama mutterings], jesting, “Don’t worry. I can handle carrots, in fact so well that I hit Bob with them off screen. He’s applying for a job at ESPN as we speak.”

Apparently, Bob will be Bob. And, Andrea appears okay with that. Michelle? Not so much.

*The Five – 01/08/12 (@ 5:52 a.m. ET)

Andrea Tantaros: Yes, I’m in Playboy

“Sorry!” Conservative The Five co-host Andrea Tantaros revealed Thursday that she is in the November 2012 issue of Playboy magazine. In a Tweet to her followers, Greg Gutfeld‘s leggy “Greek olive” teased, “Yes, I’m in Playboy this month.” Subsequently, dashing her acolytes’ amatory ardor, she elaborated, “John Meroney interviews me, Buchanan, Will and others on the world of TV and politics. No photos tho.”

To her disappointed male admirers, Andrea apologized, saying, “Sorry!” Then, as a conciliatory sop to them, she concluded, “So guys, if you get caught with the Playboy, you can finally use the excuse that you’re only reading it for the articles.”

For Andrea’s fervid fans, doubtlessly, little consolation.

[Author’s aside: Ironically, Andrea attacked Playboy three years ago in a post entitled, “Is Misogyny Back in Vogue?” She decried it as having ‘lost all of their sense of humor and their sense of decency by allowing conservative women to become a punching bag–and a punch line–for the left.” Apparently, Playboy has come a long way, baby.]

Maria Molina: Cosmo’s Caliente Latina!

“Funny, smart, and stylish,” too. FNC weatherwoman Marina Molina puts the fox into Fox News and, to boot, she rocks the “hot job of the week” according to Cosmopolitan for Latinas. In her flattering profile, the sexy twenty-five-year-old Columbia-grad student provides her bona fides (FSU alum with both a Meteorology degree and AccuWeather work experience); revels in her Nicaraguan roots (“the people, the food, the culture”); and reveals the key to her success (persistence and hard work). Perhaps, she forgot to mention being a universal hottie does not hurt either.

Of course, Cosmo seems somewhat tardy in their recognition of the comely meteorological replacement of FNC’s Italian dish Domenica Davis: Carpe Diem celebrated the debut of Maria on FNC’s Fox & Friends Weekend (to the delight of co-host Dave Briggs) approximately two years ago. Not to mention, CD subsequently reported on the smoldering Maria’s heating up of the Fox & Friends weekday version as well (even sans photos for co-anchor Brian Kilmeade) Whether Maria is tempting her viewers by going “bust” (or “naked”) or simply teasing them with her subliminal “phallic” map, CD has been there to provide her devoted votaries the delicious details.

Maria Molina: a Cosmo Latina? Helen Gurley Brown would be proud!

H/t J$P.

Five’s Juan Williams: “Why is Andrea So Hot?”

Tantaros: “Mrs. Willliams, we like her very much and we’re very appropriate here on The Five.” Yesterday, The Five‘s married co-anchor Juan Williams continued his on-air passes at his sexy single co-host, Andrea Tantaros. On Monday, the randy Juan declared that he would be “delighted” to help Andrea get her errant earring when it slipped down into her dress: two days later, Juan returned to her (and the Five) with his amorous ardor very much intact, musing, “Why is Andrea so hot?”

In the first Five block on Monday, Andrea waxed eloquent as she discussed President Obama and the press. When she had finished opining, her observant co-anchor Greg Gutfeld racily declared, “I have to point out something while you were talking.”* Before he could finish, Andrea knowingly asked, “That my earring fell into my dress?” Laughing, a goatish Greg exclaimed, “Yes!…That was one of the greatest catches of all time. Oh, to be that earring!”

As Juan eyed Andrea’s dress as if with a carnal comic-book-x-ray vision, Greg continued, “Juan, Juan, I got to ask you.” Bawdily, Juan queried, “Are you going to ask me to help her get it?”  When a grinning Greg answered that he was not, Juan wantonly responded, “Oh, oh, oh! Because I would be delighted!” Blushing, Andrea answered, “Okay, Juan! Mrs. Williams, we like her very much and we’re very appropriate here on The Five.”

Perhaps, so. But, two days later on the Five, Juan still had not lost that loving feeling for the damsel Andrea. When a philosophical Greg declared Wednesday that the big question of life was the hereafter, Juan took his opportunity to score a few points with the beauty. Jesting, he queried, ‘That’s the big question? I thought it…[was]…why is Andrea so hot? That’s a big question!”**

*The Five – 08/20/12 (@ 6:04 a.m. ET)

**The Five – 08/22/12 (@ 6:32 a.m. ET)

Apoplectic Bob Beckel: “Free…P*ssy”

Eric Bolling: “Let’s move on.” Let’s not: If it were free, The Five co-host Bob Beckel might make for a much less colorful “Smoking Gun” Democratic rogue. But, fear not! The bad boy of FNC can not or will not keeps his wild ways under control.

Less than four months ago, Bob went off with an “f” bomb inadvertently on Hannity. In what he deemed an off-air moment, he lambasted a conservative panelist, saying, “You don’t know what the f**k you’re talking about.” When host Sean Hannity apprised him that they were live, Bob appeared to be in a state of disbelief. Finally, coming to his senses, Bob groused that he was going to be fired after the show.

Bob was not. But, today, he pushed the envelope even further. In a segment including President Barack Obama’s purported disdain for his GOP opponent Mitt Romney (“no g**damned war hero”) as noted by Politico‘s Mike Allen, co-host Eric caustically queried, “Bob, should President Obama be taking shots at Mitt Romney’s military service when…the guy never picked up a gun, pulled the trigger of…blew anyone away? Oh, wait a minute, that’s right, he shot bin Laden, right!”*

After initially calling into question Allen’s assertion, Bob remarked, “Does he [President Obama] not like Mitt Romney?…When he started out, he said [that] he was neutral about Mitt Romney. And, frankly, so was I. I thought he was a nice guy.”

Elaborating, Bob remarked, “I’ve come to believe [that] he is a terrible, uh, a terrible–I won’t say liar because I won’t, because I don’t want to diminish myself down where Republicans [are].

Unfortunately, continuing, a suddenly incoherent Bob stammered, “Or, free, pre p*ssy, for proof of pre pro puss. Excuse me! Pre puss.”

Throwing him a lifeline, Eric mercifully interjected, “Let’s move on.” Bemused, co-anchor Andrea Tantaros beamed broadly and shook her head at Bob latest blooper. Meanwhile, co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle laughed heartily as she hid her face in her hands.

Babbling Bob: a sight to behold–for better or for worse.

*The Five – 08/06/12 (@ 5:07 p.m. ET)

Update: Vid (courtesy of J$P).

Dana Perino: “Little Hooters”

“I would never get a job at [Hooters].” The Five co-host Dana Perino showed her saltier side early this week: on Tuesday, President Bush’s rather prim and proper Press Secretary discussed her less than bountiful bosom with uncharacteristic aplomb.* Bawdily, she posited that she could not get a job at Hooters but that she could–at Little Hooters.

During a Five segment Tuesday (transcript), the co-anchors Dana, Greg Gutfeld, Bob Beckel, Andrea Tantaros, and Eric Bolling conversed about a coffee chain being investigated for hiring mainly nubile beauties. As they spoke of various businesses doing likewise, Greg teased Dana, asking, “Dana, unlike me, you’re not gorgeous: Do you feel like you’ve lost out on many TV jobs because of this?”

Self-deprecatingly, Dana riposted, “Let’s give another example–Hooters: I would never get a job there. And there’s a reason.”

Feigning ignorance, Greg impishly replied, “I can’t even ask why.”

Seemingly, somewhat piqued at Greg’s impertinence, Dana responded, “We all know why. Okay? And, I wouldn’t apply either.”

When it was co-host Bob Beckel’s turn to weigh in on the “hotness” hiring controversy, of course, the old goat had to rib Dana all the more: he racily insisted, “Dana, you could have gotten [sic] hired at Hooters if you wanted to.”

Jauntily, Dana rejoined, “Little Hooters.”**

Dana, “Little Hooters”? Maybe. But, you are proving yourself to be one big hoot.

[Author’s aside: When the segment began to conclude, co-anchor Eric Bolling aptly added, “The only thing that’s worthy to get pick[ed] up on by media is ‘I could work at Little Hooters.'”]

*Red Eye – 07/24/12 (approximately 3:35 a.m. ET)

**N.B. LexisNexis News improperly attributes the “Little Hooters” remark to Andrea. However, its transcript evinces the error as it subsequently details Greg’s reply, “That sounds like a restaurant for kids” and Dana’s facetious response, “That’s what I meant.” Furthermore, the Five footage will reflect that fact.