Posts Tagged ‘FNC’

Kelly’s “R-rated” File

March 16, 2015

Megyn: “It’s Friday night [and] it’s almost 10 o’clock, so we…can get away with a little more–I think.” Gallagher’s “penis pattern”! Last Friday night, Kelly File co-anchor Megyn Kelly was blushing and she liked it. Known by her longtime fans as a rather racy dame, the whilom GQ pinup [article with pics] gave her weekend audience a wicked tease.

Promoting FNC reporter Trace Gallagher‘s aviation segment toward the end of her show, Megyn provocatively chuckled, “Up next, the R-rated story of a pilot with a naughty sense of humor with a remarkable sense of direction!”* Subsequently, after the commercial break, Megyn segued to Trace, exclaiming, “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a–what! Blushing, she said, “Something shocking was revealed in the Florida skies when someone watching a flight-track website noticed a private plane had flown a very private path!”**

Taking Megyn’s toss, Trace elaborated, “This actually happened in the sky over Disney World….But, rest assured nobody who was wandering ‘the happiest place on earth’ saw anything filling the sky because this was not a giant sky penis it was a radar penis only visible to those who happened to be on Flight Tracker 24.” As Trace explained the path pattern the pilot took, a full-screen graphic was shown with a moving line that drew the male organ with its twin accoutrements. Subsequently, Trace bawdily concluded, “By the way, this aeronautical artist was doing his indecent doodling in a single engine airplane: You know, a private pilot sketching a private part. And, of course, not that size matters but this pattern was about eighteen miles long. Megyn.”

In response, Megyn blushed anew and partially hiding her face with her right hand coyly. Grinning naughtily, Megyn cooed, “You know, it’s Friday night, it’s almost 10 o’clock, so…we can get away with a little more, I think.”

Indeed, Megyn.

*The Kelly File (rerun) – 03/14/15 (@ 4:49 a.m. ET).

**Ibid (@ 4:53 a.m. ET).

 

F&FW Oops! TEEN Alcohol Safety

March 14, 2015

FNC “Medical A Team” doc: “We want teenagers to be careful about mixing this stuff (Palcohol) with…other alcohols.” Oops! FNC Medical A Team’s Dr. David Samadi made a Biden-like Washington gaffe this morning on Fox & Friends Week in his interview with co-hosts Anna Kooiman and Clayton Morris and guest co-anchor Peter Doocy: He told the truth. To make matters worse, he told the truth about teens and alcohol and most Americans’ real attitude about the mix thereof.

In his F&FW segment on Palchohol, a powdered alcohol that can be concocted to turn water into a variety of potent potations, Dr. Samadi remarked that Palchohol could “be abused by teenagers”: that it could be easily concealed, and that it could be carried to bars and nightclubs.* He explicated, “My concern is that some of these powdered ingredients could be very, very powerful. So, as we’ve seen with powdered caffeine that were like twenty times more potent than a regular cup of coffee, this could also be extremely dangerous….Now, if it really is that powerful, it can affect your liver [and] it can effect your pancreas, and the last thing you need is for teenagers to get into this kind of trouble…[which]…could be irreversible.”

As a cautionary conclusion, Dr. Samadi declared, “We want teenagers to be careful about mixing this stuff [Palcohol] with other kind of caffeine and [with] other alcohols.”

Oops! Dr. Samadi told the truth: Most Americans know that many teens will drink, and they hope they do it safely–even if they should not be drinking at all.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/14/15 (@6:53 a.m. ET).

Vanilla Perino: As*, As*, Baby?

March 6, 2015

Or, a**hole, Ed Henry? Today, Five co-anchor Dana Perino and chief White House correspondent Ed Henry celebrated “good times.” Apparently, during the Real Story with Gretchen Carlson (featuring Dana), Ed revealed, “She [Dana] called me an equal opportunity blank–I won’t use the word, I think it starts with an ‘a,’ and it’s not a very nice word.”

Poor Ed should not feel too bad about Dana’s acerbic aspersion. He is in good company: Wannabe rapper “Tiny D” called her co-host and bud Greg Gutfeld an a**hole during a break on The Five about two years ago according to Five co-anchor Bob Beckel. On the other hand, the self-professed “biggest fan” of Bush 43, may have been having a flashback to the day that W infamously called that pesky, impertinent NYT reporter an “a**hole.”

Ed: an a**hole? Probably not–unless he gets on Dana’s bad side!

Clayton Fails History–Again!

March 5, 2015

Cane him! Morris maligns Democratic president anew. Forgetful Fox & Friends guest co-host Clayton Morris still can not get his history straight when it comes to the seventh President of the United States, Andrew Jackson. Over six years ago, self-proclaimed history buff Clayton accused “Old Hickory” of caning someone in the Senate: Today, he maligned President Jackson once again, saying, that he was called “‘Old Hickory’ [be]cause he went into the Senate floor with the cane” (and feigned to swish an imaginary cane as if he were whipping a hapless lad).*

Once again, Carpe Diem must defend one of America’s few democratic [little “d”] Presidents from Clayton’s “history lessons.” President Jackson got his nickname “‘Old Hickory’ because [his soldiers] said he was strong and straight as a hickory tree,” not because he beat some legislator senseless: Rather, it was South Carolina Congressman Preston Brooks who caned Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner with the cane of which Clayton spoke. Six years ago, it was during a “Bad Hair Club for Men” segment that Clayton make his spurious assertion: today, it was during a segment on the twenty dollar bill (citing Jackson’s “beautiful head of hair”).

N.B.: As George Santayana once said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Unfortunately, Clayton did not remember today: And, so, he was so condemned to repeat his own history. Cane Clayton? Perhaps, if he does it again!

Step it up, Clayton!

*Fox & Friends – 03/05/15 (@ 8:10 a.m. ET).

Dash’s Afternoon Delight: “PILF”?

February 23, 2015

Stacey: I wasn’t kicking [him out of bed]. The Five guest co-host Stacey Dash may be conservative but she seems to have a soft spot for probable Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton’s hubby. Recently, on Outnumbered, she racily posited that if Hillary were elected President that Bill’s title should be “PILF.”

In a segment Friday (on the Clinton Foundation fundrasing), she upped the ante (during a segment on Hillary’s possible problems re Clinton Foundation fundraising). When Five co-host Juan Williams mused that supporters of potential Hillary opponent, Elizabeth Warren, would wonder what Hillary was doing in bed with all of the big money companies, Five co-anchor Greg Gutfeld jested, “It should be interesting: She’s in bed with the companies, and Bill’s in bed with the company.”* Turning to Stacey, Juan joked, “No. But Stacey’s kicking him out of bed! Oh, no, no, that was Obama!”  Shaking her head no, Stacey smiling responded, “I wasn’t kicking [Bill out of bed].

Chuckling naughtily, Five co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle chimed in, “Clinton will be knocking at the door!”

*The Five – 02/21/15 (@ 5:24 p.m. ET).

Hemmer: Carlson’s “Fun” Parties

February 19, 2015

“Mom says, ‘Don’t tell me that stuff, Gretchen. I don’t want to know!” Gretchen Carlson, host of The Real Story shared the scoop on her wild ways with American Newsroom Bill Hemmer in their early days. FNC fun: Beefcake Bill and Carlson Cheesecake!

In a new segment entitled “My Friends at Fox,” Gretchen brought out Bill for its inaugural debut with the seeming double entendre hashtag #WHATSYOURBEEF. After posing political queries to Bill, Gretch concluded the interview, saying, “As part of my ‘Friends at Fox,’ we’re also interested in our guests giving us just one more thing, maybe, something that people don’t know about you!”*

Raising his eyebrows and chuckling, Bill sheepishly exclaimed, “Now!”

Giggling, Gretchen replied, “Now, Hemmer…I’ve known you for a long time. I know that you left your job and traveled the world for a year: you’ve been to sixty countries. I know that you love golf–I know a lot more about you!”

After some additional idle chatter, Gretchen concluded their segment together [FNI vid], saying, “Well, time for my take now. Today we kicked off My Friends at Fox is because one of the best things about working in the TV business is what a small world it actually and how you keep running into the same people you’ve worked with before in another life. Well, that happened right here at this office a couple times.”

As a throwback pic of the happy duo embracing appeared onscreen [FNI pics (w/i vid)], Gretchen remarked, “Take a look at these gems! Yep, this is Bill Hemmer and Gretchen Carlson from the early days in our careers.” As Bill jested, “PhotoShop!,” yet another pic of the two happily together appeared: Giggling, Gretchen continued,”The late ’90’s when we were both still in our very young twenties, hanging out and working together at WCPO in Cincinnati. We had a lot of fun, right, Bill!”

Seemingly, starting to remember those times together anew, Bill suggestively responded, “Ah, hnh!”

Innocently, Gretchen intoned, “But, the best thing is that we’ve remained friends all these years….Bill and I both shared the same dream, to work hard and [to] see where we ended up. And, as fate would have it, we both ended up here at the Fox News Channel…Hemmer, truly one of my friends at Fox!”

Apparently, not quite ready for the conversation to end on that note, Bill chimed in, “Thank you, Gretchen. The parties you threw back in day!” As Gretchen try to shush him, Bill laughed, “Do your parents have any idea!”

Gretchen replied, “They do actually.” As Bill arched his eyebrows incredibly,  Gretchen saucily answered, “My mom says, ‘Don’t tell me that stuff, Gretchen: I don’t want to know!’ We had some fun, Hemmer!”

Real Story Throwback Thursday: Hemmer time–with Gretchen!

*The Real Story with Gretchen Carlson – 02/19/15 (@ 2:45 p.m. ET).

 

Anna Admits: He Put a Ring on It!

February 7, 2015

Kooiman: “My partner in crime forever!” This afternoon, Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Anna Kooiman confirmed her co-host Tucker Carlson‘s revelation early this morning: With a pic of herself  (with a ring on it!) and her beloved in Oz, she Tweeted, “We’re engaged! My favorite person on the planet popped the question watching the sunrise over the Sydney Harbor! Yay!”

Prominently sporting her connubial bling, Anna posted another photo of herself kissing her lover in front of the iconic Sydney Opera House, Tweeting, “Engaged! Can’t wait for this fun spirited witty benevolent intelligent amazing man to be my partner in crime forever!”

For good measure, Anna Tweeted yet another pic of herself, her lucky lad, and–yes–her marital rock, saying, “Celebrating our engagement with family and friends! Bling bling! Best. Birthday. Present. Ever!”

Oddly, Anna did not reveal who her lucky lad is. After Tucker’s premature disclosure this morning, the author assumes she is hoping to share, at least, that one “secret” with her Fox & Friends Weekend fans upon her return.

Well played, Anna!

[Author’s aside: Anna’s man? Probably, Mark!]

Update: On Sunday morning, F&FW producers revealed in a “Shot of the Day” aptly initially subtitled “He Put a Ring on It!” that Anna’s fiance is an Aussie named Tim. Sorry, Mark! F&FW – 02/08/15 (@ 8:32 a.m. ET).

Anna Kooiman Engaged!

February 7, 2015

Ainsley: “Wait! Are you allowed to say that!” Oops! Early this morning, Fox & Friends co-anchor Carlson Tucker revealed that his vacationing co-host birthday girl Anna Kooiman got engaged–before she was ready to disclose the news to her F&F fans, seemingly.

As F&F began today, Tucker welcomed fill-in co-anchor Ainsley Earhardt to the curvy couch: Explaining Anna’s absence, Tucker remarked, “Our friend, Anna Kooiman, is out today. It’s her birthday, and she got engaged! So, congratulations!”

Looking at Tucker in utter disbelief, Ainsley exclaimed, “Wait! Are you allowed to say that! I think she was going to tell everyone!”

Putting his hands up in the air, Tucker sheepishly answered, “I don’t know! I just did!” Chuckling, a chagrined Tucker continued, “I’m sorry! I’m excited: I can’t help it! She’s in Australia right now. Anyway, congratulations, Anna!”

Indeed. Congratulations, Anna! And, Happy birthday!

[Author’s aside: Even though Anna has not revealed her engagement to her F&F fans, she did post some of her vacation pictures in Sydney [1, 2]. Seemingly, Anna plans to tie the knot with housemate Mark.]

Update: Sorry, Mark: Anna is engaged to an Aussie named Tim. F&FW – 02/08/14 (@ 8:32 a.m. ET).

CNN’s Mommy Kyra Disses FNC “Super Sperm” Daddy?

January 31, 2015

Phillips: “I love my husband [FNC’s John Roberts] but this man got me pregnant!” On Wednesday, CNN anchor Kyra Phillips appeared on Fox & Friends with her adoring “hubby” FNC correspondent John Roberts to hawk her new book The Whole Life Fertility Plan. On Friday, Kyra ditched her “boyfriend” JD on her own network CNN’s morning show, New Day, to appear with the man who she credited with getting her gravid.

On Wednesday (vid), Kyra played to the Fox News audience and curvy couch co-anchors Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Steve Doocy, and Brian Kilmeade at the start of her segment, declaring, “You know, I’ve been trying to get on Fox for about ten years: And, as soon as I said, ‘I’m writing about my husband’s super sperm,’ bam, I was booked!” Explaining how she finally came to the decision to get pregnant, she disclosed that she had basically come to her wits end as a woman “approaching forty” who “was going through this horrible divorce,” who “had lost everything” in her home after a pipe burst upstairs,’ and who, while sitting on her stoop thought, ‘Oh, my god…this, this is it; I don’t have a family; [and] I don’t have children.” Gushing over her adoring “hubby,” she declared, “And, thank goodness, I met this wonderful man! After a period of time…he was open to going to fertility.”

On Friday, Kyra had a whole new sales pitch to plug her book to the ND curvy divan viewers and ND (and former FNC anchor Alisyn Camerota): Ditch her lover, and hook up with the doctor who made it all possible.* As she began the segment, Kyra iterated her F&F spiel saying, “I had spent my whole life working on my career, and then all of a sudden, there I was in Iraq covering the war: I was going through a horrible divorce; I came home–my house had flooded because a pipe burst upstairs; I had nothing; and I was sitting on my porch thinking, ‘Oh, my god, it’s never going to happen; and I had a huge anxiety attack.” Pointing to her fertility doctor and co-author of her book, Kyra exclaimed, “And, so, thank god for Jamie!” Giggling, she bawdily declared, “I like to say, ‘I love my husband but this man got me pregnant!”

Kyra’s Canuck “super sperm” JD was F&F “Friendly” Wednesday: But, on New Day, he was NSFW!

*New Day – 01/31/15 (@ 8:48 a.m. ET).

[Author’s aside: The author refers to John as “hubby” and “boyfriend” interchangeably, supra, because his marital relationship with Kyra seems uncertain: In a Huffington Post interview (05/25/11), he said, “There’s no plan for a wedding. I call her my wife, she refers to me as her husband….at our age, fiancee just doesn’t sound right.”]

Kilmeade: NY Daily News’ “Doocy Diss”

January 30, 2015

Steve disses back: I’m going to tell you what really happened! Yesterday, Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy was not amused by the New York Daily News account of his stay at the Sanctuary Hotel during the recent snow “blizzard.” New York city slickers, this Kansas boy is no “fly-over-country” rube!

Yesterday, after a debunked Politico story on likely Presidential GOP candidate Governor Mike Huckabee, on cue, F&F co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck remarked, “Now, what about this Daily News thing?…They were picking on you. Let’s explain!”*

Elucidating, Steve answered, “It’s another story in the New York Daily News: I picked it up this morning and I was surprised to read [it]. Part of it was true: It said that [co-anchor] Brian [Kilmeade], Elisabeth, and I stayed…at the Sanctuary Hotel on the snow night which is true.”…So, anyway, I’m going to tell you what really happened!”

Elaborating, Steve said, “At dinner that night, I said to Elizabeth, ‘I’m having trouble controlling the light. And, she said, ‘Did you put your card in the wall?’ And, I said, ‘What?'” Continuing, he added that Elisabeth said [that] it was one of those green energy rooms and that you had to do that.

Coming to Steve’s defense eagerly, Elisabeth asserted, “I found out the hard way ’cause I actually walked in: Some lights were on–it was a little dim; the TV was playing some music but I couldn’t get anything else on. So, I thought it was motion sensor [sic]: So, I started dancing in my room, trying to get the lights on! Then, I…saw the little thing where you put your card in.”

Chiming in (in a “fair and balanced” fashion), Brian declared, “I was briefed at the desk.”

Elisabeth replied, “I had no idea!”

In response, Steve exclaimed, “See, nobody told me at the desk! On the way out, I told the concierge, I said, “Hey, by the way, when people check in, you should tell them, ‘you got to put your room key in the wall’–which is crazy, it’s like starting a car, or the room doesn’t work completely right.”

Interjecting (for viewers who had not read the poop on Steve), Elisabeth asked, “But, what was the headline this morning then?”

Illuminating, Steve said, “It said in the Daily News…[that]…I spent the night in the dark because I could not figure out the smart lights. That’s not true! When I walked in, the lights were on, the television was on, the heater was on. And, then it said [that] I thought the blizzard knocked the power which was not true because the lights were on….I knew the lights weren’t knocked out!”

For emphasis,  Steve added, “So, when you read the gossip pages and you go ‘wow,’ could that stuff possibly be true, in this case, no!” And, in a final shot at, perchance, the inaptly named Sanctuary Hotel, Steve acerbically added, “Anyway, don’t talk to the concierge at the Sanctuary Hotel: Blabbermouth!”

*Fox & Friends – 01/30/15 (@ 6:10 a.m. ET).

[Author’s aside: Re the title, Brian deemed the Daily News gossip about Steve the “Doocy Diss” at the start of the show. (@ 6:01 a.m. ET).]

Naughty Nauert’s First Kiss

January 25, 2015

Heather and Jamie sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Thursday, Fox & Friends newsreader Heather Nauert revealed her first kisser and where they did it. After a “Shot of the Morning” viral video of a little boy describing his “mind-blowing” first kiss, waggish F&F co-anchor Brian Kilmeade tossed to Heather, saying, “Here to describe her first kiss, Heather Nauert!”*

Gamely, Heather grinned and pointed upward, responding, “In a tree house!”

Not expecting her eager revelation, Brian exclaimed, “Oh! In a tree house? Fantastic!”

Elaborating unabashedly, Heather replied, “Yeah! The guy contacted me on Facebook a few years ago!”

Chiming in mischievously, co-host Steve Doocy, queried, “With?”

Unashamedly, Heather answered, “Jamie Evans.” Waving through the camera to her first beau, Heather exclaimed, “Hi, there, Jamie!”

F&F: Fox & Friends. F&F Thursday (with Heather): fox & fun!

*Fox & Friends – 01/22/15 (@ 6:34 ET).

 

Brandi Briggs: One Hot Mama!

January 23, 2015

Dave’s beauty turns 40! Former Fox & Friends Weekend co-host and current NBC sports guy Dave Briggs let his fans know that his gal Brandi was still “one hot mama”! Celebrating his lovely lady’s 40th birthday in Sin City, Dave Tweeted, “Getting our VEGAS on for my hot wife’s 40th!!! To prove his point about the pretty pol mom of three kids, Dave included a pic of himself with his blond bronzed beauty, Brandi, proudly displaying her tanned, toned gorgeous gams.

Happy Birthday, Brandi! Hope you have fun with your lucky guy in Vegas.

Tigress Sandra Smith’s Cub

January 12, 2015

“#Oneluckybaby”: John…9 lbs. 15 ounces, 21 inches long. Today, Outnumbered co-host Sandra Smith gave birth around 6:30 a.m. (CT) to a new L.S.U. cub, baby boy John, who is “doing great” according to Outnumbered co-anchor Harris Faulkner. When the photo of an angelic sleeping infant was displayed at the conclusion of Outnumbered (pic), Harris heralded his birth, saying, “Congratulations to Sandra Smith and her wonderful husband and her family! This is baby John: he is the third John in his family. Nine pounds, fifteen ounces, twenty-one inches long.” She elaborated, “They are doing great, Mom and this baby. They’re beautiful! They [sic] were born just a few hours ago–just before 6:30 (a.m.) Chicago time.”

Playing off the all-gal host show’s tagline, #oneluckyguy, Andrea Tantaros aptly chimed in, “And, you know what that means, Harris? We have our first “one lucky baby.” Smiling, Harris replied, “Hoo, hoo! Hashtag that!”

Indeed. Congratulations, Sandra and hubby!

[Author’s aside: Re cub John, his proud mom ran track (intercollegiate and cross-country) as a Louisiana State University as a tigress. For Tiger fans, her best memories include the football games, The Chimes, and, of course, crawfish season.]

Aly New ND Anchor: “Thrilled!”

January 9, 2015

Camerota finally gets her weekday morning gig! CNN anchor Alisyn Camerota confirmed today that she is replacing Kate Bolduan as New Day co-host with Chris Cuomo. Tweeting a link to the Wrap report of the ND shakeup, Aly exclaimed, “Thrilled!” And, so are Aly’s fans.

As Aly’s acolytes remember well, Fox & Friends Weekend‘s savior and three-time co-anchor and frequent Fox & Friends fill-in was inanely overlooked when F&F co-host Gretchen Carlson left F&F weekday for her own show The Real Story, and Aly lost the coveted job to then FNC outsider, Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Soon after this strange snub by FNC SVP of Programming Bill Shine, FTVLive rightly reported that Aly was headed to CNN. When she did indeed, she debuted on CNN Tonight as a co-host with Don Lemon in a her usual sure-footed fashion yet as an awkward counterpart to Don.

Almost six months later to the very day, Aly will reportedly make her official debut in the morn as the new ivory queen of New Day. (Her ebony counterpart will be Michaela Pereira who was promoted to ND co-host with Aly and Chris according to the Wrap.)

Hopefully, Aly will be encouraged to show her lighter side in the CNN morn in a way that her former F&FW co-anchor and CNN precursor, comely Kiran Chetry, was never allowed to do fully, unfortunately (as co-host of CNN’s erstwhile American Morning): If CNN ever really wants to compete with the Fox & Friends juggernaut, it must abandon its too oft aloof, elitist approach to the news and extend a more welcoming, personal touch to its audience.

Congratulations, Aly! You deserve your new role as New Day co-host: It’s FNC’s loss and CNN’s gain. Game on!

[Author’s aside: According to the Wrap, Kate will co-anchor This Hour with John Berman at 11:00 a.m. ET. Confirming the change, Kate Tweeted, “End of this month. New Time slot. Hope you can join us at 11a.]

Clayton’s Fave Mixologist Recants Again

January 4, 2015

Pamela Wiznitzer: Don’t mix any type of medicine with alcohol. Just don’t!” On New Year’s Day, Fox & Friends guest co-host Clayton Morris‘ favorite mixologist/bartender Wiznitzer returned once again to the curvy couch to coach those who had overly imbibed the night before how to recover from their hangovers. Introducing Wiznitzer, Clayton remarked, “Our friend, bartender/mixologist Pamela Wiznitzer, says [that] there are several more effective cures out there….If there is someone who knows how to mix a drink in this city, it is Pamela….So then you [Wiznitzer] also know how to combat all of your hard work the next morning.”*

In response, Wiznitzer declared, “I will say, ‘There are no cures.’ There are some remedies and ways that you can help out that hangover: But, there’s no way to actually cure it.” Elaborating, she advised Clayton and his guest co-anchors Ainsley Earhardt and Peter Doocy that one should drink water (or coconut water); eat whole wheat toast, bananas, and/or honey; drink coffee (if one is a coffee drinker); take an extra nap; and work out. Subsequently, she cautioned, “Don’t mix any type of medicine with alcohol. Just don’t!” For any doubting Thomas, she iterated, “But, don’t take anything: Don’t mix medicine! It’s not smart with alcohol!”

Wiznitzer’s latest counsel to those suffering from the ill effects of a Bacchanalian evening was welcome news to the author. On 10/13/13, in an F&F segment with Clayton, she said, “Aspirin is not what you should be taking if you’re drinking….But, ibuprofen and Tylenol are very safe!”: When a Tweeter rebutted Wiznitzer’s assertion re Tylenol, saying, “Tylenol and Alcohol cause liver damage,” she conceded, “Indeed you are right….Never mix the two.” When she returned about two months later to another segment with Clayton on F&FW (12/07/13), she recanted her earlier advice to viewers re mixing Tylenol and alcohol, declaring, “Tylenol can be dangerous. There are studies that lead to the fact that it can have issues with your kidney. Severe issues!”: However, she indicated that Advil was safe.

On New Year’s Day 2015, Witnitzer and F&FW finally embraced the author’s take on a mixologist/bartender’s giving medical advice on air. In his Carpe Diem article entitled, “F&FW Med Malpractice? Tylenol Hangover Cure! Oops: Partier Alert!” the author snarked, “Medical advice from a mixologist/bartender? Seriously?!” Even though Witnitzer may play a psychiatrist behind the bar, she seems to have conceded, she has no business trying to play “doctor” on TV.

Last call, Pamela? Good call!

[Author’s aside: At the end of her segment, Witnitzer turned to F&FW patron Clayton, saying, “Happy birthday! So, we brought you a little present, a little bit of gin (bottle of Aviation American gin) ’cause you do like your martinis!…A little hair of the dog for this morning!”]

*Fox & Friends – 01/01/15 (@ 7:39 a.m. ET)

PETER Doocy Debuts on F&F

January 1, 2015

STEVE Doocy: “This guy filling in for me today on is waaaay to comfortable on that couch!” FNC correspondent Peter Doocy made his debut on the curvy couch this New Year’s Day morn, subbing for his dad, long-time Fox & Friends co-anchor, Steve Doocy. Like a fish to water, Peter seamlessly interacted with his fellow guest co-hosts, F&F veteran fill-ins, Ainsley Earhardt and Clayton Morris: Like father, like son, he was a natural: He deftly reported the news to his viewers and also did not shy away from sharing his personal life with F&F fans.

Showcasing fan fave Steve’s son at the start of the show, producers aired video of Peter as a charming little boy singing “Side by Side” for his proud papa and an appreciative audience. Introducing Peter as guest co-host to the audience, Clayton exclaimed, “Peter Doocy in for Steve Doocy this morning!” Subsequently, Clayton asked Peter about what he did last night (New Year’s Eve): Peter answered that he arrived by train, requested “the quietest room” in a hotel a block away from Times Square; and “slept like a baby.” Apparently, he got his rest and was ready to roll: In fact, when Peter took his co-anchor position this early morn, he performed so facilely that his delighted dad Tweeted, “This guy filling in for me today on is waaaay to comfortable on that couch!”

Well, Peter certainly was at home: And, his dad’s work family at F&F wanted to introduce him more fully to their viewers. Starting with a virile vid block in the first hour, “Clayton’s favorite” showed Peter as a confident young lad with his sister Mary on “Take Your Kid to Work” Day, blithely reporting on his dad’s activities in the FNC building. Later, in a “Meet Peter Doocy” segment (teased by a “Hot Stuff” lilt by Donna Summer), footage of his reporting in the field of his interviewing Bin Laden killer SEAL Robert O’Neill ran: On a more personal level, the Washington-based reporter revealed that he grew up a NY Yankees fan but loved to go to Washington Nationals games; that his “guilty pleasure” movie is “Dumb and Dumber”; that he was “nervous” to see boy-band O-Town in the past (“but, no, that is not my favorite band…[for]…the record”). Too boot, in case, Peter’s new F&F fans wanted to know more, he disclosed that his 2015 New Year’s resolution was that he wanted to Tweet and Instagram more.*

Good job, Peter, filling in for your dad on the curvy couch: Hope to see you more on it!

*Fox & Friends – 01/01/15 (@ 7:03 a.m. ET).

F&F: SENATOR Brown Breaks Bad

December 29, 2014

“They just call me Scott.” The “cool” whilom GOP senator that took Dem lion “Ted Kennedy’s seat” took his seat on the curvy couch this morning. The former Cosmo nude pinup and its “America’s Sexiest Man” brought levity and gravity to the F&F set today as a holiday guest co-host fill-in for Steve Doocy. On one hand, “Senator Scott Brown” reminded viewers that he had infamously told supporters that his sexy daughters Ayla and Arianna were available at his U. S. Massachusetts Senatorial acceptance speech: On the other, the retired Army National Guard colonel tutored a guest on Army contractor liability.

On the fun side, the MA Senator revealed that he was familiar with the U.S. Senate etiquette police who insisted that the boys had to wear socks even if the female Senators were able to flash some ankle. Furthermore, in an F&FMeet Scott segment [that showed footage of “Scott” jamming with Cheap Trick onstage (vid)], he exclaimed, “It was one of the highlights of my life playing with Rick Nielson, being pulled out of the crowd and playing with Cheap Trick!”

Understandably, F&F guest co-anchor Clayton Morris referred to Brown as “Senator” and F&F co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck called him Colonel. But, if Senator and/or Colonel Scott Brown is going to make it on the curvy couch, he will have to be just Scott: “Senator” or “Colonel” is fine for a guest but it is unacceptable for a real “Friend.”

Welcome to the curvy couch, Senator. Since you are scheduled to back on F&F tomorrow, maybe, the author  should say, “Welcome to the curvy couch, Scott!”

[Author’s aside: Re the subtitle, supra, in the opening “A block” introducing Senator Scott Brown to the F&F fans, the “Senator” said, “Kids, you know how it goes, but they just call me ‘Scott’ certainly.”]
Update: Perchance, Scott read Carpe Diem: When he returned to F&F the very next day (12/30/14), he was welcomed back to the curvy couch by Elisabeth as “Senator Brown”: He replied, “Just call me, Scott, guys!”

Anna’s Holiday Hosts: F&F Fail!

December 27, 2014

Guest co-host Leland Vittert: “We may never leave!” Scary. Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Anna Kooiman looked ill at ease on the curvy couch sandwiched between F&FW virgin co-hosts Leland Vittert and Connell McShane. (Leland is a FNC foreign correspondent based in Jerusalem, and Connell is the FBN “Imus in the Morning” newsreader.) The ever gregarious Energizer Bunny tried her hardest to introduce the two newbies to F&FW fans and to create, at least, a modicum of chemistry. Anna succeeded–barely, to put it charitably.

The usual playful banter and racy double entendres that have been F&FW staples were not existent. Even the small talk among Anna, Leland, and Connell seemed strained and stilted. To make matters worse, Leland took a strange shot at his dad’s looks* and Connell delivered a gratuitous jab to Fox & Friends Weekend.**

Perhaps, FNC’s Bill Shine (or his underlings) decided that he could foist the two tyros on his most dedicated F&FW fans for a tryout (since they would probably watch no matter what): Well, this loyal F&FW fan did watch–and almost wished he had not.

The youthful Anna is great: But, she is no Alisyn Camerota who could carry F&FW no matter who her bookends were. F&FW fan favorite and FNC meteorologist Rick Reichmuth was on the set today and should have been the obvious choice to be one of Anna’s guest co-hosts: Together, he and Anna could have more successfully shepherded either Leland or Connell in his debut.

[Author’s aside: Re the provenance of the subtitle, Leland made his “threat” as Anna welcomed him and Connell to the third hour. Chiming in, Connell jested, “Right, you’re stuck with us, Anna!”]

*During a “Meet Leland” segment with baby photos, Leland bizarrely barbed, “I do look a little bit like…my father in those pictures. And, it’s a good thing that I now look like my mother: Otherwise, I would have a fabulous career…in radio.” (@ 6:34 a.m. ET.)

**In the “Meet Leland” segment, supra, (which included Leland’s war footage), Connell sarcastically commented, “Let me be the first to congratulate you on the promotion (to F&FW guest co-host) to now narrating dog video (earlier on F&FW) from…these frivolous foreign videos that we just looked at.” (6:34 a.m. ET.)

F&F Fun: Henry’s Holiday Debut

December 24, 2014

Ed throws “nutty” mom under the bus? Straight-laced FNC chief White House correspondent Ed Henry made his big debut on Fox & Friends guest co-host this Christmas Eve. Introducing him to the F&F fans, producers aptly ran a montage of his work, his family life, etc. each hour.*** The well-respected former White House Correspondents’ Association president (2012-2013) was an odd choice to couple with his similarly awkward, au courant male counterpart Peter Johnson, Jr., as bookends to the gregarious, gorgeous guest co-anchor Anna Kooiman on the curvy. However, he performed admirably even if he did throw his “nutty” mom under the proverbial bus.

During a holiday edition segment of “Normal or Nuts” with psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow, Ed began a query, saying, “When my mom visits my house to look after the kids–or just [to] come over for the holidays–she keeps track of what all my neighbors are doing and ends up knowing more about them than I do.” Acknowledging that he was treading on eggshells, Ed continued, “I gotta [sic] be careful here: I have to be diplomatic, doctor. But, is she normal or nuts?”

Dr. Ablow replied, “Well, I applaud your bravery: But, she’s nuts!”

Chuckling with chagrin, Ed exclaimed, “Oh, no!”

As a cuckoo bird sounded in the background, Dr. Ablow elaborated, “Here’s the thing: I want to be gentle with her [because] she could be watching….I think that she may be more interested in trying to define other people, their comings, their goings: It’s a little paranoid.” Mercilessly, he continued, “She needs some self-reflection: she needs to get to know herself, the emotional comings and goings in her life. And, invite me for Christmas or for New Year’s [Day] and I’ll do an intervention: And, we’ll broadcast it.” Digging Ed’s grave deeper, Dr. Ablow added, “She’s really something: What was it like to grow up with her, Ed?”

Trying to salvage his Christmas invitation, apparently, Ed responded, “She’s just reporting on my neighbors: she’s not, she’s not paranoid. But, I still love her. And, and, thanks, Dr. Keith, for the diagnosis.”

Ed, your mom will be having her turkey for Christmas dinner: And, it won’t be the bird!

[Author’s aside: Over the course of the show, Ed revealed that he played first base in Little League baseball; he went to the White House as a lad with his sister Colleen; he married his beautiful wife Shirley at the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas (and celebrated with a White House wedding cake “to scale”); and that he has a son Patrick and a daughter Mila.]

Patricia: Stark Naked!

December 19, 2014

“Get used to looking at yourself in as little clothing as possible.” FNC new hire Patricia Stark made her debut on Fox & Friends First this morning–more than demure in her over-the-knee black skirt and high-cut orange blouse.* Looking a bit too canned, Patricia brought “her extensive experience hosting and anchoring over 25 different television shows” to Fox News this morning as she read a news story this morning on one of the F.B.I.’s Most Wanted fugitives in Cuba.

After her hit,  F&FF co-host Ainsley Earhardt enthusiastically welcomed her, exclaiming, “We’re so glad you’re here!” Pointing to her, Ainsley elaborated, “You’ll working the overnight: And, then you’ll join us on Fox & Friends First occasionally.”

In anticipation, Patricia answered, “Every chance I get! Thank you so much!”

“Well, welcome to the family!” Ainsley responded.

Indeed!

As to your slightly stilted first start on F&FF, Patricia, no worries. The next time, you might want to envision your audience in the buff. Or, in the alternative, you might want to take your own advice (to prepare yourself for swimsuit shopping or sunning): “[S]tart dancing around in your house in your bra and panties…Get used to looking at yourself in as little clothing as possible.”

If you’re successful, your new fan base may well follow suit.

*F&FF – 12/19/14 (@ 5:05 a.m. ET).


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