Kelly’s “R-rated” File

Megyn: “It’s Friday night [and] it’s almost 10 o’clock, so we…can get away with a little more–I think.” Gallagher’s “penis pattern”! Last Friday night, Kelly File co-anchor Megyn Kelly was blushing and she liked it. Known by her longtime fans as a rather racy dame, the whilom GQ pinup [article with pics] gave her weekend audience a wicked tease.

Promoting FNC reporter Trace Gallagher‘s aviation segment toward the end of her show, Megyn provocatively chuckled, “Up next, the R-rated story of a pilot with a naughty sense of humor with a remarkable sense of direction!”* Subsequently, after the commercial break, Megyn segued to Trace, exclaiming, “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a–what! Blushing, she said, “Something shocking was revealed in the Florida skies when someone watching a flight-track website noticed a private plane had flown a very private path!”**

Taking Megyn’s toss, Trace elaborated, “This actually happened in the sky over Disney World….But, rest assured nobody who was wandering ‘the happiest place on earth’ saw anything filling the sky because this was not a giant sky penis it was a radar penis only visible to those who happened to be on Flight Tracker 24.” As Trace explained the path pattern the pilot took, a full-screen graphic was shown with a moving line that drew the male organ with its twin accoutrements. Subsequently, Trace bawdily concluded, “By the way, this aeronautical artist was doing his indecent doodling in a single engine airplane: You know, a private pilot sketching a private part. And, of course, not that size matters but this pattern was about eighteen miles long. Megyn.”

In response, Megyn blushed anew and partially hiding her face with her right hand coyly. Grinning naughtily, Megyn cooed, “You know, it’s Friday night, it’s almost 10 o’clock, so…we can get away with a little more, I think.”

Indeed, Megyn.

*The Kelly File (rerun) – 03/14/15 (@ 4:49 a.m. ET).

**Ibid (@ 4:53 a.m. ET).

 

Kelly’s Kmart Caper: Busted 4 Shoplifting!

Megyn: “Sorry, Kmart: But, thanks for not throwing me in the slammer!” For Halloween, America Live co-host Megyn Kelly pulled a Lindsay Lohan. I.e., she just had to have that special necklace–whether she paid for it or not.

During a shoplifting story today on AL, FNC reporter Trace Gallagher reported on a young couple who had their two-year-old daughter taken from them (after, apparently, forgetting to pay for two sandwiches eaten as they shopped).* When he had concluded his story, a smiling Megyn asked him if he had ever sampled candy that he had not declared at checkout. When he admitted, “Yeah, all the time but I have kids…[and] they pick stuff up and they eat [it]. So, you grab the wrappers and you try to throw them on the counter and sometimes…they don’t always make it on the counter,” With a jaundiced eye, Megyn chuckled, Do you? Do you? Or, do you just slide ’em in your pocket and say, ‘I’m sorry. They’re like five cents.’”

With a gleam in her eye, Megyn remarked, “I [have] to tell you: when I was twelve-years-old, I, I shoplifted. I got caught shoplifting–at a Kmart!” Feigning outrage, Trace animatedly answered, “What!” Smiling, Megyn explained, “It was really my then best friend who made me do it.” Unconvinced, a grinning Trace retorted, “Sure!”

Elaborating, Megyn revealed, “We completely got busted by her mother who said, ‘Where, where did you get those huge star earrings and those huge star plastic necklaces–because it was Halloween?’ And, my friend said, ‘Megyn’s mother bought them for us,’ and she said, ‘Alright, I’m going to call Mrs. Kelly, and you two girls better go down to the basement and pray to God that Mrs. Kelly says [that] she had not one but two pairs of huge star plastic earrings and huge star plastic necklaces.’ So we did: we went down in the basement and prayed to God that she would lie for us–which, of course, she did not.”

Continuing her account, Megyn remarked, “So, she came back down into the basement, my friend’s mother, and we said, ‘What’d she say?’ And…she said, ‘Your father will be over to take you back to Kmart so you can confess after he finishes his meatloaf. And we did!”

Animatedly, she exclaimed, “We had to go down to the Kmart and confess out crime to the manager of the Kmart. And he told us that we could have been arrested: It was terrifying! And, I tell you what, [I] never stole another thing again. That was my life of crime!”

When a beaming Trace replied, “Your dad was well justified in doing that: he’s a good dad,” Megyn responded, “I’m reformed now….Unlike Lindsay Lohan, I did my penance–and I learned. That’s it!” As a chuckling Megyn buried her head in her hands, Trace riposted, “You did. Criminal!”

Laughing, Megyn concluded, “See you, Trace! That’s it: now, I want be able to run for President or become a Supreme Court Justice because I confessed…my crime on national television. Sorry, Kmart: But, thanks for not throwing me in the slammer!”

Fear not, Megyn! You can still rule your country: if you follow Lindsay’s latest lead, you could still go from “mere” Maxim model (or, rather GQ pinup) to an American Playboy princess. Doubtlessly, your AL acolytes will not be disappointed.

*America Live – 11/02/11 (@ 2:26 p.m. ET)

Shep de Sade’s Bad Boys

When the Marquis is away, the servant boys will play. And so they did yesterday. With their master away Friday, stand-ins Trace Gallagher (Studio B) and Jon Scott (Fox Report) looked like naughty school boys who had just discovered a stag film hidden in their dad’s sock drawer.

On Studio B, guest anchor Trace practically giggled with glee after he got his peek at the Trampoline Bear. After airing a “Bear Alert” about a pizza-pilfering black bear in Montana, he exclaimed, “Montana’s own bare-foot bandit is still on the loose: And, someone set a trap with pizza and a trampoline.”*  As he did, of course, the predictable Trampoline Bear clip ran (with a tranquilized black bear falling from a tree, bouncing high into the air, and crashing face first into the ground). Post-climatically, Trace beamed, “I’ve always wanted to see the video again. I love it!”

Almost four hours later, on Fox Report, a generally gentle John Scott got his guilty pleasure after he echoed Trace’s “Bear Alert.” As the pizza-pilfering bear segment concluded, Scott aired the Trampoline Bear footage. Smiling, Scott joked, “The bear is still on the run. Next time, try setting a trap with a pizza and a trampoline. Bears love trampolines, don’t you know?”**

Do they now, Jon? What a truly bad boy you are. Your master Shep will be proud but your mistress Julie surely will not.

*Studio B – 08/06/10 (3:59 p.m.)

**Fox Report – 08/06/10 (7:46 p.m.)

Happening Tomorrow?

Happening Now: is FNC’s most boring morning show getting a much needed Jane jolt? Today, co-hosts Jane Skinner and Jon Scott haunted the news room a la Martha MacCallum and Trace Gallagher on FNC’s now defunct Live Desk, the show that formerly followed HN. Perhaps, Fox News’ Bill Shine is finally trying to get his “plain” Jane to be a little less vanilla and to spice up the show a scintilla.

Generally, both Jane and Jon stay behind their desk in a fashion akin to America’s Newsroom co-anchors Megyn Kelly and Bill Hemmer when one or both of them would similarly so sit in the very early days of AN. Of course, Shine changed the set somewhat when he appeared to have an epiphany that AN’s rating might be enhanced if viewers caught a glimpse of Megyn’s gorgeous gams. Whether he has the same thing in mind now for Jane, time will tell. However, Jane seemed not to be fully compliant today: she sheathed her stems in slacks to elude that errant eye.

Bravo, Bill. You surely need to do something to make Happening Now actually happen soon. Otherwise, you may as well confine HN to Sirius radio.

Live Desk Canned: Gallagher?

Gone: without a Trace? Not quite. As the end of the program today, co-anchor Trace Gallagher announced, “As you may have heard, this is the last day of the Live Desk….Megyn Kelly’s new show, America Live, will be starting on Monday.” Without his co-host Martha MacCallum (who was already with her new partner, Bill Hemmer, on America’s Newsroom), Trace seemed somewhat lost. Sounding more than a mite melancholy, he added, “And, of course, you can’t get rid of me. I’ll be along for big stories and breaking news. It has been a great time.”

When the author heard Trace’s farewell, he thought of another anchor who appeared to exit his show under similar circumstances, i.e., Alan Colmes. When Alan left the popular Hannity & Colmes apparently to allow Sean Hannity to have his eponymous show Hannity in the same time slot, Alan was bound for unnamed future projects: thereafter, Alan has made guest appearances on various FNC shows and has had a recurring role on the O’Reilly Factor as a debate opponent of his conservative sister-in-law Monica Crowley. If Trace is fortunate, maybe, he will find a similar position, and, possibly, even be paired regularly in some capacity with his recently frequent Live Desk guest co-host, Juliet Huddy.

Regardless, good luck, Trace!

Megyn Kelly: Afternoon Delight

In less than two weeks, America’s Newsroom co-host Megyn Kelly is getting her very own FNC two-hour program according to Mediaite. On February 1st, Megyn’s still unnamed show is slated to replace Fox News’ Live Desk which is co-hosted by Martha MacCallum and Trace Gallagher. In turn, Martha will take Megyn’s position on AN.

The move by FNC Senior Programming Veep Bill Shine came as little surprise. More a month ago, when Martha began regularly filling in for Megyn on AN and recently re-signed Juliet Huddy began ably subbing for Martha on LD, the author opined that Shine might be preparing to give Megyn Kelly her own show upon her return from maternity leave. (Apparently, he indeed was.) However, the author assumed that Megyn might replace Greta van Susteren on On the Record if she did not re-up with Fox News (as suggested by the New York Times) or, maybe, Shepard Smith on one of his two daily p.m. shows to provide better representation for women in the p.m.

Instead, Megyn got the Live Desk slot. Why? Perhaps, Shine has determined that Greta is still in the FNC fold for the foreseeable future and that Shep can keep his two programs for the time being. And, perchance, with Martha’s move to AN being such a success and Juliet Huddy’s sudden disappearance from LD and the Fox universe, Shine was presented with an unexpected void at LD and a golden opportunity to fill it with Megyn’s own two hour show.

Regardless, the lovely legal eagle deserves her own show. Not only is Megyn smart, sharp, and sexy, but also she has shown that she can best even FNC’s ratings king Bill O’Reilly on his own show in a battle of wits, reason, and panache. Congrats, Megyn!

FNC’s Musical Chairs?

For Martha MacCallum, Juliet Huddy, and Megyn Kelly, it sounds as if the music has begun. Strangely, Fox News seems to have anchor Martha MacCallum in every chair but her own on Live Desk this week. Monday it was Fox & Friends: Tuesday, Wednesday, and today, it’s America’s Newsroom.

Perhaps, FNC Senior Veep of Programming Bill Shine is taking advantage of the remainder of Megyn Kelly’s maternity leave this year (from America’s Newsroom) to see if he can adjust the roster to accommodate his returning star Juliet Huddy. Evidence of such a move may be Shine’s moving Martha this week to Fox & Friends Monday and then to America’s Newsroom Tuesday-today even though she is currently the Live Desk co-anchor. Filling in for Martha on LD Monday-Wednesday and returning Friday, has been re-signed Juliet Huddy. (Ailes’ new Energizer bunny Alisyn Camerota is scheduled to fill in on LD today.)

If Martha settles in well with co-anchor Bill Hemmer on AN and Juliet with co-host Trace Gallagher on LD, Shine would be able to free up his rising star Megyn Kelly to host her own show. As has been rumored, she could replace Greta van Susteren in the evenings if Greta does not re-up. On the other hand, Megyn could allow Shepard Smith to concentrate on just one show instead of the two that he hosts each week day (Studio B and the Fox Report): if she did that, she would be give women greater representation on a male-dominated afternoon and evening schedule. (Of eight shows, all of the anchors are men save one, Greta van Susteren, who hosts On the Record.)

When the music stops in January, look around and see if everyone has a chair, and, if so, where exactly they are seated.

Clayton’s Chyron: “Mile-High” Mystery

Naughty Northwest pilots? If the viewer was too riveted to Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Clayton Morris this morning, one might have missed what he seemed to really say. Or, in this case, didn’t say. Especially, if her eyes did not glance down upon the “telling” banner at the bottom of the screen.

In Clayton’s preview of an upcoming segment on the Northwest pilots who missed their Minneapolis landing strip by 150 miles, he asked, “What exactly was distracting them, and, do we really want to know?” Co-host Alisyn Camerota guffawed loudly, and co-anchor Dave Briggs animatedly answered, “Yes!”

During the segment itself, audio transmissions between the pilots and traffic controllers were aired. After listening to the pilots refuse to fully elaborate as to the nature of the cockpit distractions that got them off course, Aly opined, “They are covering some rear ends.” Clayton commented, “They did go on to say… [that they talked about] company issues…crew restructuring.” Dave declared, “You can’t tell me that they were that concerned by these [sic] scheduling program that they forgot about the 150 people behind them. Overtly, the trio said little more: However, a suggestive chyron proclaimed, “Mile-High Distraction: Audio of Runway Overshoot Released.”

[For viewers of Live Desk or Studio B with Shepard Smith, this banner repeated speculation a month old. For the bawdy banter between Shep and LD’s co-anchor, Trace Gallagher and Martha MacCallum, and Shep, cf. Carpe Diem’s “Shep: ‘Mile-High Club Pilots?“

Martha: “Buzzed” Live?

Was the Live Desk a bit too live for Martha MacCallum today? As she and co-anchor Trace Gallagher covered the liftoff of space shuttle Atlantis, they interviewed former NASA astronaut Tom Jones. With regard to the administration’s active review of the NASA program Martha asked, “Any sense of how that evaluation is going and whether or not we’re going to see more extraordinary travels into space and beyond?”

Out of the blue, an unknown and “unshown” woman was heard, saying, “That sounded like Bud [sic] Lightyear right there.”* Not directly acknowledging the probable producer whose “whisper” was apparently inadvertently aired, Martha responded with a hearty laugh. Ignoring or not hearing the interjection, Jones simply answered the question and co-host Trace uttered not a word.

Martha, did your producer mean Bud Lite Year or Buzz Lightyear?

*Live Desk – 11/16/09 (@2:36 p.m. ET)

Shep: “Mile-High Club” Pilots?

For the second day in a row, Studio B‘s Shepard Smith has intimated that the errant Northwest pilots may not have been on their laptops in the cockpit. However, he seemed to suggest that their “laptops” may have been otherwise occupied. I.e., they may have busy joining the V.I.P. section of the Mile High Club.

As Live Desk co-anchors Martha MacCallum and Trace Gallagher segued to Shep for his show this afternoon, Shep asked, “Trace, what do you think they were doing in that cockpit?”* Chuckling, Martha interjected, “I’ll tell you later!” Trace then replied, “I have my own theories: I just can’t say on national television.”

Suggestively, Shep responded, “I bet everybody’s thinking them.” Persuaded to share, Trace answered, “Yeah. They were saying the flight attendants were banging on the door. And, you’re like, were they trying to get in or trying to get [out]?” Racily, Martha added, “They were busy!” With a mischievous smile and a goatish gleam in his eye, Shep remarked, “They were a mile high!”

Grinning, Trace echoed, “They were a mile high, my man.” Looking down, Martha agreed, “They were!” Shep wantonly concluded, “Not that there’s a club but they were a mile high. More even.”

Live Desk – 10/27/09 (@2:59 p.m.)

Live Desk Dunces?

On the very day President Obama reached out to Muslims everywhere with his speech in Cairo today, Live Desk (LD) ran a provocative story on extremist Saudi school subject matter. Certainly, it was within the ambit of the discourse of the day. However, LD followed it up with a seemingly incendiary segue song to commercials.*

Introducing the story, co-anchor Martha MacCallum said, “As President Obama seeks closer ties to the Muslim world, some of his allies on Capitol Hill are calling on the Saudi government to stop using school books that preach hate: The textbooks teach Arab children to hate Jews and to hate Christians and to promote violence against them.” According to Martha, one passage read, “The hour [of judgment] will not come until the Muslims fight the Jews and kill them. [It will not come] until the Jew hides behind rocks and trees. [It will not come] until the rocks and the trees say, ‘O Muslim! O servant of God! There is a Jew behind me. Come and kill him.”

After the story ended and co-anchor Trace Gallagher promoted the upcoming segment on a girl slain in an alleged San Diego gang killing (with brief footage of fleeing pedestrians), Trace stated, “No where to hide. Next.” Then as the show went to commercial, the producers played an air of Martha and the Vandellas singing, “Nowhere to run to, baby. Nowhere to hide.”

Even if this music were meant for the next report, it would be in poor taste. However, it came in such propinquity to the prior story, it seemed to be merely a soundtrack for the Saudi text. LD’rs, put on your hats, go to the corner, and don’t come out until you know why you were sent there.

*Live Desk (06/04/09) – 2:19 p.m. ET

Related link:
http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/martha_and_the_vandellas/nowhere_to_run.html

MacCallum: “Flashing the Flesh”

Stripping and streaking: And, no, Martha MacCallum, the co-anchor of the Live Desk, was not talking about painting! Today she concluded LD with a racy story on Arizona State students stripping to their scivvies for charity on the last day of classes. In her report, she explained that thousands of lusty lads and lasses discard their outerwear into a pile (to be donated to the needy) and “make a mad dash across campus” in the annual Undie Run. As to their “flashing the flesh,” she exclaimed, “I think that’s a good idea: you know, they have undies on [and] everybody looks like they’re having a good time. Good clean fun!”

Without hesitation, Live Desk co-anchor Trace Gallagher agreed, “It is a good idea.” Martha declared, “Yeah, it’s not streaking! Remember streaking?” Trace began singing, “That’s why they call him the Streak”: Then he asked, “Remember the ‘Streak’?” She answered, “Yeah! ‘Cause the people in the control room are too young to remember the ‘Streak’ but that’s okay.”

Then as Adam segued to Studio B with Shepard Smith, Shep riquely queried, “Alright, MacCallum! What do you know about streaking again?” She saucily responded, “Il’ll tell you later!” Smiling, Shep replied, “I bet you will.”

Adam’s Fall

After taking a high-tech lie detector test on the Live Desk, FNC correspondent Adam Housley may be in big trouble with his long-time girlfriend. At the close of his report on a new truth detector with a supposed accuracy of @95%, Adam welcomed questions to test him from co-hosts Patti Ann Brown and Trace Gallagher.

Patti Ann asked, “How many personal calls do you make on your work cell phone?” Falteringly, Adam responded, “I don’t make very many” and the machine registered, “False statement.”Adam said, “That wasn’t fair: You’re going to get me in trouble.

Then a more devious Trace queried, “I want to know when you are going to marry that girl you’ve been dating for like eleven years.” (A smiling, yet sympathetic Patti Ann turned to Trace and hit him on the arm with the back of her hand.) Abashedly, Adam asked, “Do I have to answer that one?” Trace retorted, “Just answer: say something. I think she’s watching.”

Reluctantly, Adam replied, “Hopefully, soon” and the lie detector flashed “False statement” again and then “Subject is not sure.” Patti Ann gasped, “Oh, no!” and Trace laughed, “So sorry!” A ruby-red, sheepish Adam declared, “Gallagher, I’m coming to live with you….You put me on the spot….You’re in big trouble with me.”

After that fall, Adam will be working by the “sweat of his brow” to make up with his Eve.