Megyn: “Sorry, Kmart: But, thanks for not throwing me in the slammer!” For Halloween, America Live co-host Megyn Kelly pulled a Lindsay Lohan. I.e., she just had to have that special necklace–whether she paid for it or not.
During a shoplifting story today on AL, FNC reporter Trace Gallagher reported on a young couple who had their two-year-old daughter taken from them (after, apparently, forgetting to pay for two sandwiches eaten as they shopped).* When he had concluded his story, a smiling Megyn asked him if he had ever sampled candy that he had not declared at checkout. When he admitted, “Yeah, all the time but I have kids…[and] they pick stuff up and they eat [it]. So, you grab the wrappers and you try to throw them on the counter and sometimes…they don’t always make it on the counter,” With a jaundiced eye, Megyn chuckled, Do you? Do you? Or, do you just slide ’em in your pocket and say, ‘I’m sorry. They’re like five cents.’”
With a gleam in her eye, Megyn remarked, “I [have] to tell you: when I was twelve-years-old, I, I shoplifted. I got caught shoplifting–at a Kmart!” Feigning outrage, Trace animatedly answered, “What!” Smiling, Megyn explained, “It was really my then best friend who made me do it.” Unconvinced, a grinning Trace retorted, “Sure!”
Elaborating, Megyn revealed, “We completely got busted by her mother who said, ‘Where, where did you get those huge star earrings and those huge star plastic necklaces–because it was Halloween?’ And, my friend said, ‘Megyn’s mother bought them for us,’ and she said, ‘Alright, I’m going to call Mrs. Kelly, and you two girls better go down to the basement and pray to God that Mrs. Kelly says [that] she had not one but two pairs of huge star plastic earrings and huge star plastic necklaces.’ So we did: we went down in the basement and prayed to God that she would lie for us–which, of course, she did not.”
Continuing her account, Megyn remarked, “So, she came back down into the basement, my friend’s mother, and we said, ‘What’d she say?’ And…she said, ‘Your father will be over to take you back to Kmart so you can confess after he finishes his meatloaf. And we did!”
Animatedly, she exclaimed, “We had to go down to the Kmart and confess out crime to the manager of the Kmart. And he told us that we could have been arrested: It was terrifying! And, I tell you what, [I] never stole another thing again. That was my life of crime!”
When a beaming Trace replied, “Your dad was well justified in doing that: he’s a good dad,” Megyn responded, “I’m reformed now….Unlike Lindsay Lohan, I did my penance–and I learned. That’s it!” As a chuckling Megyn buried her head in her hands, Trace riposted, “You did. Criminal!”
Laughing, Megyn concluded, “See you, Trace! That’s it: now, I want be able to run for President or become a Supreme Court Justice because I confessed…my crime on national television. Sorry, Kmart: But, thanks for not throwing me in the slammer!”
Fear not, Megyn! You can still rule your country: if you follow Lindsay’s latest lead, you could still go from “mere” Maxim model (or, rather GQ pinup) to an American Playboy princess. Doubtlessly, your AL acolytes will not be disappointed.
*America Live – 11/02/11 (@ 2:26 p.m. ET)
Carpe Diem 