Posts Tagged ‘Clayton Morris’

Anna: The “R” Word

August 24, 2015

Kooiman: “I don’t want to say it on air: You know what ‘r’ word I’m talking about!” Saturday, Fox & Friends co-anchor Anna Kooiman schooled her co-hosts Tucker Carlson and Clayton Morris on sensitivity.

In a “P.C.” segment on the USDA proposing to drop the term “midget” from its regulations re raisins in response to a petition from “The Little People of America” who deemed it offensive, Clayton and Tucker ridiculed the move.* Clayton scoffed that the proposal was a waste of taxpayer’s dollars. Acerbically chiming in, Tucker derisively remarked, “This is what mass hysteria looks like. When you read the accounts of the cultural revolution in China where everyone with eye glasses was banished to a collective farm, you think how could people have been that insane: Where there no adults present? That’s exactly the moment we’re living through now where the government is waging war on language because ‘midget’ is offensive. Like this is crazy!”

Subsequently, the co-hosts seemed to bash the very concept that the term may be offensive to little people as patently political poppycock. Seemingly coming to her senses suddenly, Anna declared, “Well, you know what, it wasn’t that long ago, to play devil’s advocate, it wasn’t that along ago that the ‘r’ word was something everybody used, and it didn’t seem like that big of a deal.”

Furrowing his brow, Tucker queried, “What’s the ‘r’ word?” Facetiously, Clayton deadpanned, “Raisin?”

Aptly, Anna answered, “No, I don’t want to say it on air. You know what ‘r’ word I’m talking about!”

Yes, Anna, F&FW fans know exactly what the “r” word is. And, they also know what the “i” word was. Now, it’s time to affirm the small people, the mentally challenged, the bedridden, and all who may have otherwise been deemed to have less worth than any “normal person” by an unenlightened society: we do well to remember that we are all created in God’s image.

Fox & Friends Weekend – 08/22/15 (@ 7:53 a.m ET).

F&FW Oops! TEEN Alcohol Safety

March 14, 2015

FNC “Medical A Team” doc: “We want teenagers to be careful about mixing this stuff (Palcohol) with…other alcohols.” Oops! FNC Medical A Team’s Dr. David Samadi made a Biden-like Washington gaffe this morning on Fox & Friends Week in his interview with co-hosts Anna Kooiman and Clayton Morris and guest co-anchor Peter Doocy: He told the truth. To make matters worse, he told the truth about teens and alcohol and most Americans’ real attitude about the mix thereof.

In his F&FW segment on Palchohol, a powdered alcohol that can be concocted to turn water into a variety of potent potations, Dr. Samadi remarked that Palchohol could “be abused by teenagers”: that it could be easily concealed, and that it could be carried to bars and nightclubs.* He explicated, “My concern is that some of these powdered ingredients could be very, very powerful. So, as we’ve seen with powdered caffeine that were like twenty times more potent than a regular cup of coffee, this could also be extremely dangerous….Now, if it really is that powerful, it can affect your liver [and] it can effect your pancreas, and the last thing you need is for teenagers to get into this kind of trouble…[which]…could be irreversible.”

As a cautionary conclusion, Dr. Samadi declared, “We want teenagers to be careful about mixing this stuff [Palcohol] with other kind of caffeine and [with] other alcohols.”

Oops! Dr. Samadi told the truth: Most Americans know that many teens will drink, and they hope they do it safely–even if they should not be drinking at all.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/14/15 (@6:53 a.m. ET).

Clayton Fails History–Again!

March 5, 2015

Cane him! Morris maligns Democratic president anew. Forgetful Fox & Friends guest co-host Clayton Morris still can not get his history straight when it comes to the seventh President of the United States, Andrew Jackson. Over six years ago, self-proclaimed history buff Clayton accused “Old Hickory” of caning someone in the Senate: Today, he maligned President Jackson once again, saying, that he was called “‘Old Hickory’ [be]cause he went into the Senate floor with the cane” (and feigned to swish an imaginary cane as if he were whipping a hapless lad).*

Once again, Carpe Diem must defend one of America’s few democratic [little “d”] Presidents from Clayton’s “history lessons.” President Jackson got his nickname “‘Old Hickory’ because [his soldiers] said he was strong and straight as a hickory tree,” not because he beat some legislator senseless: Rather, it was South Carolina Congressman Preston Brooks who caned Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner with the cane of which Clayton spoke. Six years ago, it was during a “Bad Hair Club for Men” segment that Clayton make his spurious assertion: today, it was during a segment on the twenty dollar bill (citing Jackson’s “beautiful head of hair”).

N.B.: As George Santayana once said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Unfortunately, Clayton did not remember today: And, so, he was so condemned to repeat his own history. Cane Clayton? Perhaps, if he does it again!

Step it up, Clayton!

*Fox & Friends – 03/05/15 (@ 8:10 a.m. ET).

Clayton’s Fave Mixologist Recants Again

January 4, 2015

Pamela Wiznitzer: Don’t mix any type of medicine with alcohol. Just don’t!” On New Year’s Day, Fox & Friends guest co-host Clayton Morris‘ favorite mixologist/bartender Wiznitzer returned once again to the curvy couch to coach those who had overly imbibed the night before how to recover from their hangovers. Introducing Wiznitzer, Clayton remarked, “Our friend, bartender/mixologist Pamela Wiznitzer, says [that] there are several more effective cures out there….If there is someone who knows how to mix a drink in this city, it is Pamela….So then you [Wiznitzer] also know how to combat all of your hard work the next morning.”*

In response, Wiznitzer declared, “I will say, ‘There are no cures.’ There are some remedies and ways that you can help out that hangover: But, there’s no way to actually cure it.” Elaborating, she advised Clayton and his guest co-anchors Ainsley Earhardt and Peter Doocy that one should drink water (or coconut water); eat whole wheat toast, bananas, and/or honey; drink coffee (if one is a coffee drinker); take an extra nap; and work out. Subsequently, she cautioned, “Don’t mix any type of medicine with alcohol. Just don’t!” For any doubting Thomas, she iterated, “But, don’t take anything: Don’t mix medicine! It’s not smart with alcohol!”

Wiznitzer’s latest counsel to those suffering from the ill effects of a Bacchanalian evening was welcome news to the author. On 10/13/13, in an F&F segment with Clayton, she said, “Aspirin is not what you should be taking if you’re drinking….But, ibuprofen and Tylenol are very safe!”: When a Tweeter rebutted Wiznitzer’s assertion re Tylenol, saying, “Tylenol and Alcohol cause liver damage,” she conceded, “Indeed you are right….Never mix the two.” When she returned about two months later to another segment with Clayton on F&FW (12/07/13), she recanted her earlier advice to viewers re mixing Tylenol and alcohol, declaring, “Tylenol can be dangerous. There are studies that lead to the fact that it can have issues with your kidney. Severe issues!”: However, she indicated that Advil was safe.

On New Year’s Day 2015, Witnitzer and F&FW finally embraced the author’s take on a mixologist/bartender’s giving medical advice on air. In his Carpe Diem article entitled, “F&FW Med Malpractice? Tylenol Hangover Cure! Oops: Partier Alert!” the author snarked, “Medical advice from a mixologist/bartender? Seriously?!” Even though Witnitzer may play a psychiatrist behind the bar, she seems to have conceded, she has no business trying to play “doctor” on TV.

Last call, Pamela? Good call!

[Author’s aside: At the end of her segment, Witnitzer turned to F&FW patron Clayton, saying, “Happy birthday! So, we brought you a little present, a little bit of gin (bottle of Aviation American gin) ’cause you do like your martinis!…A little hair of the dog for this morning!”]

*Fox & Friends – 01/01/15 (@ 7:39 a.m. ET)

PETER Doocy Debuts on F&F

January 1, 2015

STEVE Doocy: “This guy filling in for me today on is waaaay to comfortable on that couch!” FNC correspondent Peter Doocy made his debut on the curvy couch this New Year’s Day morn, subbing for his dad, long-time Fox & Friends co-anchor, Steve Doocy. Like a fish to water, Peter seamlessly interacted with his fellow guest co-hosts, F&F veteran fill-ins, Ainsley Earhardt and Clayton Morris: Like father, like son, he was a natural: He deftly reported the news to his viewers and also did not shy away from sharing his personal life with F&F fans.

Showcasing fan fave Steve’s son at the start of the show, producers aired video of Peter as a charming little boy singing “Side by Side” for his proud papa and an appreciative audience. Introducing Peter as guest co-host to the audience, Clayton exclaimed, “Peter Doocy in for Steve Doocy this morning!” Subsequently, Clayton asked Peter about what he did last night (New Year’s Eve): Peter answered that he arrived by train, requested “the quietest room” in a hotel a block away from Times Square; and “slept like a baby.” Apparently, he got his rest and was ready to roll: In fact, when Peter took his co-anchor position this early morn, he performed so facilely that his delighted dad Tweeted, “This guy filling in for me today on is waaaay to comfortable on that couch!”

Well, Peter certainly was at home: And, his dad’s work family at F&F wanted to introduce him more fully to their viewers. Starting with a virile vid block in the first hour, “Clayton’s favorite” showed Peter as a confident young lad with his sister Mary on “Take Your Kid to Work” Day, blithely reporting on his dad’s activities in the FNC building. Later, in a “Meet Peter Doocy” segment (teased by a “Hot Stuff” lilt by Donna Summer), footage of his reporting in the field of his interviewing Bin Laden killer SEAL Robert O’Neill ran: On a more personal level, the Washington-based reporter revealed that he grew up a NY Yankees fan but loved to go to Washington Nationals games; that his “guilty pleasure” movie is “Dumb and Dumber”; that he was “nervous” to see boy-band O-Town in the past (“but, no, that is not my favorite band…[for]…the record”). Too boot, in case, Peter’s new F&F fans wanted to know more, he disclosed that his 2015 New Year’s resolution was that he wanted to Tweet and Instagram more.*

Good job, Peter, filling in for your dad on the curvy couch: Hope to see you more on it!

*Fox & Friends – 01/01/15 (@ 7:03 a.m. ET).

F&F: SENATOR Brown Breaks Bad

December 29, 2014

“They just call me Scott.” The “cool” whilom GOP senator that took Dem lion “Ted Kennedy’s seat” took his seat on the curvy couch this morning. The former Cosmo nude pinup and its “America’s Sexiest Man” brought levity and gravity to the F&F set today as a holiday guest co-host fill-in for Steve Doocy. On one hand, “Senator Scott Brown” reminded viewers that he had infamously told supporters that his sexy daughters Ayla and Arianna were available at his U. S. Massachusetts Senatorial acceptance speech: On the other, the retired Army National Guard colonel tutored a guest on Army contractor liability.

On the fun side, the MA Senator revealed that he was familiar with the U.S. Senate etiquette police who insisted that the boys had to wear socks even if the female Senators were able to flash some ankle. Furthermore, in an F&FMeet Scott segment [that showed footage of “Scott” jamming with Cheap Trick onstage (vid)], he exclaimed, “It was one of the highlights of my life playing with Rick Nielson, being pulled out of the crowd and playing with Cheap Trick!”

Understandably, F&F guest co-anchor Clayton Morris referred to Brown as “Senator” and F&F co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck called him Colonel. But, if Senator and/or Colonel Scott Brown is going to make it on the curvy couch, he will have to be just Scott: “Senator” or “Colonel” is fine for a guest but it is unacceptable for a real “Friend.”

Welcome to the curvy couch, Senator. Since you are scheduled to back on F&F tomorrow, maybe, the author  should say, “Welcome to the curvy couch, Scott!”

[Author’s aside: Re the subtitle, supra, in the opening “A block” introducing Senator Scott Brown to the F&F fans, the “Senator” said, “Kids, you know how it goes, but they just call me ‘Scott’ certainly.”]
Update: Perchance, Scott read Carpe Diem: When he returned to F&F the very next day (12/30/14), he was welcomed back to the curvy couch by Elisabeth as “Senator Brown”: He replied, “Just call me, Scott, guys!”

Anna & Mark: “Couple”?

October 12, 2014

Kooiman: “What we talk about at our house…” Yesterday, Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Anna Kooiman appeared to confirm what many of her male fans have long suspected, i.e., that that Southern belle is not on the market no matter what her ring-less wedding finger might say. In an F&FW segment on “Things Couples Bicker About,” Anna revealing remarked, “What we talk about in our house is who…gets to take the dog out: You want the dog to like you better!”* [Italics added for emphasis.]

Almost nine months ago, Anna’s curious co-anchor aptly Tucker Carlson mused, “Who is this man?” In a F&FW story subtitled “Love & Technology” on a smart-phone app Couple (that allows one to keep tabs on his/her significant other), guest Kurt Knutsson a/k/a “The Cyber Guy” inaptly revealed, “Anna, you just told me something very interesting…[that]…you go out with a guy who wants you to use this app called Couple.”** Throwing up her hands and blushing at his breach of her privacy, Anna chuckled, “Oh, now you could just say that!” Amused and bemused, Kurt responded, “Oh, you’re not talking about this [on air].” As the segment ended, co-host Clayton Morris declared, “And, we’ll get to the bottom of Anna’s….”: Chiming in, Tucker concurred, “In our next segment, who is this man?”

Apparently, yesterday, Tucker had his answer as to Anna’s man. During a segment subtitled, “Wedded Bliss? The Top Issues Couples Argue About,” Anna revealing admitted, “What we talk about at our house…it’s, like, who…gets to take the dog out: You want the dog to like you better!” [Italics added for emphasis.] Subsequently, she read a viewer email about “leaving make-up all over the bathroom vanity”: raising her hand, Anna confessed, “Guilty!” Facetiously, Tucker snarked, “Time for counseling: Interjecting himself into the fun, Clayton commented, “That Mark’s wearing make-up: that’s what’s weird.” Howling in laughter, Anna jested, “He [inaudible] wearing make-up for the moment!”

Make-up for Mark, maybe: But, Anna appeared ready to go au natural for her fans yesterday. Dare to bare, Anna!

[Author’s aside: After an F&FW segment today (entitled “To Have and to Hold: Maine Couple Wins Wife-Carrying Championship”), Clayton, innocently or not, intoned, “See, Anna, this is what you have to look forward when you get married.” N.B. “When.” F&FW – 10/12/14 (@ 6:32 a.m. ET).]

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 10/11/14 ( @9:09 a.m. ET).

**F&FW – 01/25/14 (@ 8:24 a.m. ET).

Fox (Aly) & Friends Weekend Reunited

October 11, 2014

Dave Briggs: “Reunited & it feels so good.” Yesterday, whilom Fox & Friends Weekend team of co-hosts Alisyn Camerota, Dave Briggs, and Clayton Morris got back together: Unfortunately, for their F&FW fans, it was only for lunch. Excitedly, Aly Tweeted, “Guess who I had lunch with? #reunited IMG_0199.JPG.” Subsequently, she posted a pic of her, Dave, and Clayton, posing happily together.

Inexplicably, Aly deleted the pic of the reunited erstwhile F&FW three amigos later. Perchance, she (or CNN) did not want her fans to get too nostalgic for the good old days of Aly reining on the F&FW curvy couch with her boys at FNC. After all, she has moved on to CNN–and has been ruling the New Day divan with Chris Cuomo and Michaela Pereira of late. And, now that ND co-host Kate Bolduan is on maternity leave, Aly may be taking over more permanently.

Happily, for partisans of the penultimate F&FW iteration, current “NBC Sports guy” Dave Briggs provided two fab photos of him and his buds, CNN anchor Alisyn Camerota and still FNC F&FW co-host Clayton Morris [pic1, pic2]. In his Tweet (including a great selfie seemingly shot by Clayton), Dave proudly declared, “Peaches & Herb sang it best, “Reunited & it Feels so Good…”

So good to see you all reunited, too, Dave–if only for a repast.

[Author’s aside: Not too surprisingly, Clayton did not RT the photos of him, Aly, and Dave back together again: After all, he assuredly wants his F&FW fans not to look back too fondly on his former “Friends” and to transition their affections more completely to his new ones, Anna Kooiman and Tucker Carlson.]

Sambora Strums Ainsley

May 3, 2014

Tucker Carlson: “There was a lot of touching…It was getting a little steamy! We cut away at the end.” Blond beauty FNC anchor Ainsley Earhardt had rocker Richie Sambora all hot and bothered this morning seemingly. In fact, by the end of her interview of the lead guitarist of Bon Jovi, she appeared to have the bad boy all primed for a romp in her perfumed “Bed of Roses” at Churchill Downs.

In the bumper promo preceding Ainsley’s interview of Sambora, Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Anna Kooiman cooed, “Our Ainsley Earhardt is at Churchill Downs. A very special guest: who’s that?”* As the camera panned to Ainsley and the Bon Jovi rocker, Sambora amorously caressed Ainsley’s bare left shoulder: Beaming, Ainsley animatedly answered, “I never thought I would say this but I’m getting warmed up by Richie Sambora.” Embracing her tightly, Sambora remarked, “Wooh! I’m getting warmed up, too, Baby!” As Anna chuckled off-camera, a reddening Ainsley turned to Sambora, exclaiming, “Thank you!”

After the commercial break, Anna and her co-hosts, Tucker Carlson and Clayton Morris, introduced the Kentucky Derby segment. Segueing to Ainsley’s interview, Anna remarked, “Our very own Ainsley Earhardt looking good! She’s doing some star-gazing right now, though: Who’s there with you, Ainsley?” Still in the embrace of Sambora, Ainsley replied, “One of our Fox favorite celebrities, Richie Sambora is here with me. Anna, you’re looking good in your hat.” Turning to Sambora, she added, “And, you look good, too!” Looking into her eyes, Sambora responded, “Oh, sweetheart! No, you look beautiful! Honestly, Ainz!”

Before the split-screen ended, viewers were treated to the priceless reactions of the co-hosts: Tucker’s jaw literally dropped and his eyes rolled as he looked at Anna in incredulity. Turning toward Tucker, a similarly disbelieving Anna smilingly arched her eyebrows, gnashed her teeth, and looked downward. Meanwhile, Clayton managed merely a chuckle as tried to look away.

During the interview itself, the mutual admirers discussed Sambora’s Barnstable Brown (B.B.) performance, his donation of his custom-made Swarovski guitar played at the B.B. to a diabetes charity, and their shared diabetes concerns. Before the confab was over, Ainsley smilingly noted, “US Weekly just voted you and Heather Locklear, your ex-wife–you have a daughter together–voted you the happiest exes. What’s the secret?” When Sambora replied that one has to keep the child’s interest first and that he thought he and his ex were better friends now than we they were married, Ainsley answered, “Good!”

Subsequently, Ainsley mentioned Santora’s designing of clothes, giving him the opportunity to plug his companies, Nikki Rich (women) and Chrome (men): After doing so and picking his Derby horse (California Chrome), he casually commented, “But, I did, I did buy you something, Baby!” As Santora reached into his back pocket, a flattered Ainsley asked, “What did you buy me?” “From the gift shop,” intoned Sambora.

Flushed, Ainsley queried, “You bought this for me?” Boldly, Sambora replied, “Yes, I did, Darling!” As he handed what appeared to be a short white skirt (with a powder blue Churchill Downs print), an appreciative Ainsley responded, “Vineyard Vine(s), this is the official designer of the Derby. How beautiful is that! Right up my alley!”

“[My] pleasure!” answered Sambora. And it was to be. As Ainsley displayed his tribute to her for the camera, Sambora reached forward and downward toward her blue-dress-clad hip. Patting Ainsley’s hip thrice, Sambora slyly said, “Hey, it matches your thing.” Elated, Ainsley answered, “How great! Thank you so much!…Thanks, Richie! And, thanks for being there with us today!”

As Ainsley hugged him anew, Sambora aptly exclaimed, “My pleasure!”

When the beaming Ainsley segued to her three co-hosts, Anna took the toss: Holding up her ring finger a la Beyonce, Anna scolded, “Richie, easy! We know you like your blondes but she does have a ring on her finger.” Turning to Clayton, she laughed, “I think he’s really liking his Ainsley Earhardt today.”

Not willing to cast such stones too hard, Clayton jested, “There’s a lot of touching going on down there at the Derby. Well you know why: The mint juleps have been flowing since 7 a.m.”

Holding Sambora close, an unrepentant Ainsley riposted, “I’m not letting go!” Concurring, Sambora exclaimed, “I’m not letting go either!”

Nor were Ainsley’s F&FW colleagues: Not surprisingly, meteorologist Janice Dean was intent on joining in on their fun. As the show concluded with producers giving a shout-out to Ainsley’s hatmaker Frank Olive Hats (with two pics of its hats atop Ainsley), Anna declared, “It’s no wonder that Richie Sambora was putting the moves on our Ainsley Earhardt: She looked so good out there the last couple of days at the Derby.”

Interjecting, meteorologist Janice Dean exclaimed, “Where’s the picture, where was the picture of Richie Sambora?” Almost unresponsively, Clayton commented, “He was pretty close there.” Not satisfied, Janice demanded, “Like what was he doing?” Snuggling up to Clayton playfully with both of her arms around his shoulders and raising her right knee toward his body, Anna chuckled, “The whole interview was like this.” Concurring, Clayton chuckled, “It was like this. ‘Don’t stop.'”

Stirring the proverbial pot, Tucker chimed, “There was some touching.” Racily, Janice rejoined, “Some touching?” Smiling goatishly, Tucker answered, “There was a lot of touching, actually.” With mock concern, Janice queried, “It was TV friendly, though?

In a denouement of the F&FW fun du jour, Tucker riposted, “Oh, yeah! No, it was totally within bounds but it was getting a little steamy! We cut away at the end.”

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 05/03/14 (@ 9:26 a.m. ET).

Kooiman Struts: Huddy Subs

April 14, 2014

Svelte “Boston Strong” Anna: I would love to hit 3:30. Toned and tanned, Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Anna Kooiman is ready to “strut her stuff” as she runs the storied 26.2-mile run in Beantown on April 21. In a Tweet, the erstwhile AFAA-certified fitness instructor announced that not only will she run the 118th Boston Marathon but also she will cover it. When asked by her F&FW co-anchor Clayton Morris yesterday what her goal in time was, she replied, “I would love to hit 3:30 (three hours thirty minutes): Pulling her towhead tresses from her lambent orbs, she cooed, “My best time is 3:27:23 but I just don’t think I’ll get it.” As if any of her acolytes’ eyes will be on the time clock.*

Apparently, Anna will give her full concentration to the Boston Marathon next Monday and will hand over her spot on the curvy couch this weekend to the still sexy blonde from F&FW yesteryear, Juliet Huddy: A few weeks ago (March 27), Juliet Tweeted, “[I] will be anchoring Fox and Friends weekend of Apr 19th.”

Good luck, Anna! Welcome back, Juliet!

Fox & Friends Weekend – 04/13/14 (@ 8:42 a.m. ET).

Clayton’s Family Secrets

April 12, 2014

Morris revealed: “I’m nervous about it.”* Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Clayton Morris got to know himself even better this morning–if that’s possible. And, Clayton’s fans probably still wanted to know a few more of his family secrets.

Promoting an upcoming segment on himself at the top of the second hour, Clayton teased “all kinds of crazy stuff about my history and my family.”** Before the really “good stuff,” Clayton and his co-anchors, Tucker Carlson and Anna Kooiman, gave author Yvette Corporon an opportunity to discuss her book (When the Cypress Whispers) and to give ancestry research tips: Then, she returned for a block on Clayton’s “amazing” family history, entitled “Clayton Revealed: An Inside Look at His Family Lineage.”***

Providing Clayton with a freebie for the curvy couch, Corporon declared, “Your family goes way, way, way back….Your earliest relative…we found was in 1659 in France, Peter Chastain: He was…a surgeon/barber…[who]… settled here [United States].” Much to Clayton’s surprise and amusement, she announced, “The next relative we find for yours [sic] is the Reverend John “Ten Shillings Bell” Chastain….He was your five-times…great grandfather: He was a Baptist preacher, and his family was forced to move from Virginia to South Carolina due to religious persecution. Elaborating, she stated, “He was a great speaker: Now the reason they called him “Ten Shillings Bell” was because he was such a brilliant speaker that his voice resonated like a bell and a bell back then cost…ten shillings.” Continuing, she said, “We also found…Absolom Hooper….He was your four times great grandfather. Now he was in the Revolutionary War: Not only that but he was shot twice by a musket ball, once in the arm [and] once in the leg; then, he was taken prisoner; escaped; taken prisoner again; and then fought on the lines until peace was declared.” [Photo of graves of Absolom Hooper (1757-1845) and his wife Sarah Hooper (1762-1856) ran]. She concluded, “We also have for you Calvin Chastain: Now, he was your great-great grandfather, and he was a farmer….And, we found the Census from 1860 when he was 39 years old and he lived with his wife and children in Independence, Arkansas.” [Photo of Calvin Chastain and his apparent wife and 1860 U.S. Federal Census – Calvin F. Chastain (MyHeritage) aired.]

In reply to Corporon’s revelations, Clayton remarked, “Wow!…I knew we had a strong history to Arkansas: A lot of the family lived in Arkansas. So, unbelievable!” Inquisitively, Corporon responded, “Did you know that you had a surgeon/barber in your family as well?” Clayton jested, “No, I didn’t know that you could have that profession.”

Subsequently, after thanking Corporon and the researchers, Clayton eagerly asked, “Can you hand the documents over after the segment?” After getting two blocks to plug her book, Corporon unsurprisingly answered, “Absolutely! All yours: Framed!”

No worries, Clayton: Just another F&FW perk!

*F&FW – 04/12/14 (@ 7:01 a.m. ET).

**Ibid.

***Ibid at 7:31 a.m. ET.

Update: Clayton-family-secrets-segment vid: H/t J$P.

DJ JD: “Love in an Elevator”!

March 24, 2014

Janice Dean: [Steven Tyler and I] had a wonderful date afterwards! FNC’s “Dancing Machine” [vid] meteorologist Janice Dean revealed to her Fox & Friends Weekend fans that she “used to date rock stars.”* No, not Steven Tyler of Aerosmith: Really!

Introducing one of her fabulous weather segments with that fun fact (March 9, 2014), Janice subsequently showed a photo of herself cheek-to-cheek with the bad boy himself, Steven Tyler.* As F&FW co-hosts Anna Kooiman, Clayton Morris, and Tucker Carlson looked on in disbelief at the pic of JD looking like a young Brooke Shields next to Liv Tyler‘s randy old man, Janice exclaimed, “No I didn’t ‘date’ him!” Belying her assertion almost immediately, Janice continued, ” But, I used to be a classic rock DJ back in the day when I was in my twenties when I had a cool job….I would love for him to sign that photo because we had a wonderful date afterwards!”

Intrigued, Tucker asked, “What year was that, Janice?” JD replied, “That was Get a Grip: So, that was ’93, and I was twenty-three years old! And, I have a lot more of these types of photos of rock stars that I’ve dated that I will post on my Facebook page!”

Pruriently, Clayton asked, “Well, is it a long list, Janice?”

Ignoring his concupiscent query, Janice playfully responded, singing “Love in an elevator! Livin’ it up as we’re goin’ down!” As Anna giggled, Clayton chuckled, “I knew there was a fun past to Janice!”

Janice: A fun past–and a fun present!

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/09/14 (@ 9:39 a.m. ET).

**Fox5 NY (Youtube vid) – 09/28/07: 4:50/12:08.

[Author’s aside: Pics of Janice Dean as CHEZ FM (Ottawa) “Sunscoop Reporter”; with Peter Frampton (after she asked him to autograph a poster saying, “Here’s to another 20 years in your bedroom!”); with Travis Tritt; and with her bikini.]

Aly Tears Up: “My Last Day”

March 14, 2014

“Censored” Camerota’s “Orwellian Twist”: A very special day.”Not! In her America’s News HQ tease today on Happening Now, Alisyn Camerota promised, “Today is a very special day for us: we hope that you’ll tune in at the top of the hour!”* For those who did tune in as Aly asked, it was anything but–special.

Of course, Aly’s fans knew the end was near. On Monday, TVNewser reported that her tenure at Fox News would conclude sometime this month. On Tuesday, Judge Napolitano clued Aly’s acolytes into the fact that her departure would possibly be this week when he rhetorically asked Aly if he would be on with her again, exclaiming, “Mother of God!” Today, the writing on Belshazzar’s wall needed no interpreting when Aly promised “a very special day.”

When America’s News Headquarters began to conclude this afternoon, Aly’s co-anchor Bill Hemmer announced, “And, today marks the end–of a wonderful run for our friend and our colleague, Alisyn Lane Cameota.”** As tears began to well up in Aly’s eyes, Bill continued, “I tried to talk her out of it: Oh, I tried! She’s leaving us after sixteen years here at the Fox News channel but she leaves us laughing because that’s what Aly does!”

On cue, a collage of innocuous Aly FNC clips ran: Unfortunately, it appeared to have been cobbled together at the last minute by an intern who had little knowledge of Aly’s tenure on the “Fair and Balanced” network. Bizarrely, there was no real footage of Aly with her Fox & Friends Weekend co-hosts during her remarkable three stints on the show: Vintage Aly video with her comeliest of co-hosts Kiran Chetry and their stalwart colleague Kelly Wright was a no-show, e.g., the hilarious spanking tape; Aly clips with her Doublemen twins, Clayton Morris and Dave Briggs, on cam were absent, e.g., “Dave’s Farewell;” and Aly snippets with her final F&FW fellows Clayton and Tucker Carlson apparently were also left on the cutting floor, e.g., Aly’s full “Down and Dirty in the Mud.” To make matters even worse, there was no vid of Aly and the F&F week day boys, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade either (“Aly’s Back: She’s Rocking–& Ringless“).

In the strange melange today, it was almost all Aly and Bill: There was scant recognition of what Aly has meant to her fans throughout the years on Fox & Friends (weekend and week day). Aly was and is an FNC icon: Too bad, Bill Shine appears to not aptly appreciate that fact. But, Aly’s fans do.

Kudos, Aly! A job well done. You will be missed!

*Happening Now – 03/14/14 (@ 12:43 p.m. ET).

*America’s News HQ – 03/14/14 (@ 1:54 p.m. ET).

Update: J$P vid: “Alisyn Signs Off from Fox News.”

Clayton’s “Queer” Echo: “Wide Stance” Rick

March 9, 2014

Tucker: “Wide stance!” Off-handed remark or odd “outing”? Yesterday, Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Tucker Carlson appeared to incredibly and inanely allude to the infamous Larry Craig airport restroom incident–as he, his co-hosts, Clayton Morris and Anna Kooiman, and chief meteorologist Rick Reichmuth were taught a new groove on the treadmill by Nikki Fitness‘ sexy Nikki Glor.

In a segment entitled “Treadmill Tricks: How to Make the Most of an Indoor Workout,” Nikki introduced the “Wide Walker” exercise [vid]. As they all strangely strode atop the rotating rubber, Clayton suggestively queried, “Wide walker?”* Without much apparent reflection on his FNC present (or any recollection of his 2007 MSNBC past), Tucker rashly riposted, “Wide stance!” As laughter rang out in the background, Clayton quipped, “That’s what we call Rick!”

Looking at Clayton, Rick laughed: In response, Clayton chuckled as if it were an inside joke. A few seconds later, he conveniently added, “Like a cowboy.” Clayton channeling Bill Press? Perhaps, perhaps not.

Stay tuned.

[Author’s aside: As the author listened to the tape (for another article), he noticed the aforementioned strange exchanges. When he heard Tucker’s “wide stance” comment, he immediately thought of the much ballyhooed phrase re Larry Craig (re Urban Dictionary‘s top definition). Upon further review, the author still wonders if Clayton’s quick quip was an off-handed remark to FNC‘s beloved chief meteorologist or an odd “outing” of his friend.]

*F&FW vid – 03/08/14 (@ 00:58/04:06).

Anna Oops: Not “In Full Disclosure”

March 9, 2014

“According to the Daily Caller…a reliable news source.” Gretchen Carlson/Derek Jeter redux? Unfortunately, for Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Anna Kooiman today, she followed in the faux pas of erstwhile F&F (weekday) co-anchor Gretchen Carlson. Like Gretchen who failed to mention that her husband Casey Close was the agent of Derek Jeter in her 2009 F&F hagiographic interview of the New York Yankee superstar, Anna cited the Daily Caller as a “reliable news source” this morning without so much as mentioning that her co-host Tucker Carlson was its founder and current editor-in-chief.*

During a segment on Homeland Security (re a Border Patrol policy advising agents to not engage “rock throwers”), Anna remarked, “According to the Daily Caller, it says that.” Interrupting her, F&FW co-anchor Tucker Carlson smiling chimed, “A reliable news source.” Grinning, Anna stammered, “A reliable news sources, yes, ah, that, that these, uh, uh, uh, new standards essential match those of advocacy groups who, who think that policing our borders is not a good idea.”

Not a good idea, Anna? A good idea would have to reveal that your co-host Tucker is the founder and editor-in-chief of your source. Also, Tucker, a good idea would have been to reveal that you were the authority for Anna’s assertion. And, Clayton Morris, as the now oldest denizen on the F&FW curvy couch, a good idea would have been to step up to the plate to insure full disclosure to the F&FW viewer.

“In full disclosure”: F&FW is sorely missing its captain.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 02/09/14 (@ 7:11 a.m. ET).

F&FW: Fox & Friends Weak

March 1, 2014

Anna, Clayton, and Somebody Else. Unfortunately, Fox & Friends Weekend is a feckless, flaccid iteration of its former self with Alisyn Camerota no longer at the helm. Now that the queen of the curvy couch has inexplicably and inanely been banished to FNC’s generic America’s News HQ weekdays, F&FW is sadly a ship without a captain.

Without Aly to plot a sure course each weekend for F&FW, there’s green newbie Anna Kooiman, flanked by tech geek/comics nerd co-host Clayton Morris and his alpha male mate Tucker Carlson one day or his Philadelphia cheesy mentor Mike Jerrick the next, trying her best to keep the listing boat afloat among the shoals. It is absurd: It is as if Bill Shine could not care less to craft a new F&FW identity with a certain crew on the manifest. Perhaps, he needs to remember his loyal F&FW viewers may not go elsewhere: But, they may just realize that they do not necessarily need the TV on as they embrace the day–and their weekend.

And, that may not be such a bad thing after all.

“Forgotten” Valentine Anna Returns

February 23, 2014

“Back from the Land Down Under!” Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Anna Kooiman returned from a Valentine’s Day vacation in Oz to the curvy couch yesterday after a two-week absence. As the show opened, co-host Tucker Carlson declared, “The long national nightmare is over: Anna Kooiman back on the curvy couch!” Pumping her fist, Anna exclaimed, “Back from the Land Down Under!”

Subsequently, the rested, bronzed blond beauty regaled Tucker and fellow co-anchor Clayton Morris with tales of her “24-hour” plane trip; her seeing bilbies, wallabies, and koala bears; and her discovering the fascinating fact the koala bears get “stoned” by eating eucalyptus leaves. Summing up her trip, she said, “It was cool!”

For F&FW fans of the toned towhead, it was assuredly a relief to see their Anna again. Over the last two weeks, F&F offered them nary a clue as to where she was. In fact, last week, Ann’s name was not even uttered as Juliet Huddy co-hosted F&FW both Saturday and Sunday: To make matters more confusing, Juliet did not acknowledge that she was filling in for Anna and introduced herself on the the hour both shows, simply saying, “I’m Juliet Huddy.”

However, during her absence, Anna let her Twitter followers and her Facebook friends in on her “secret” location. She happily shared photos of her frolicking on a rocky shore near Sydney, posing with a sleepy koala bear, and sipping champagne in ecstasy (with the Sydney Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge reflecting from her sunglasses). Anna looked as if she were almost in heaven.

Welcome back, Anna!

[Author’s aside: Hmm. Flashback: “Anna the next F&F spring bride-to-be?” Cf. Carpe Diem‘s “Kooiman’s Kinky ‘White Wedding.'”]

Jerrick Plays Priapus With Huddy

February 16, 2014

Reddening, Juliet swats his faux phallus away. Former Fox & Friends Weekend co-hosts Mike Jerrick and Juliet Huddy were back in action on the curvy couch this morning. Filling in for Tucker Carlson and Anna Kooiman, respectively, the concupiscent couple were back to their usual naughty selves as they joined F&F regular anchor Clayton Morris anew for a Philly sandwich.

However, today, Mike took his priapic play with Juliet up a notch when he probably thought that the two of them were safely off camera. During an 111th American International Toy Fair toy preview segment, their guest displayed a retro toy called the “Bop Bag,” (a vertical, phallic-shaped punching bag that bounces back when pounded).* Bawdily, Mike intoned, “That’s what I call Juliet, ‘bop bag'” as Juliet chuckled. When the segment came to an end, Juliet teased upcoming stories as accompanying clips aired.

As Juliet’s intros ended, Mike briefly positioned the bop bag as if it were his erect phallus pointed salaciously toward Juliet’s kisser. Blushing, she batted her bad boy’s toy aside with the back of her hand, exclaiming, “Michael!” Shaking her head with a smile, she simply turned and wisely walked away.

[Author’s aside: Apt Priapus Mike flashback? In September 2007, HobokenNow.com noted, “Mike will jump at every opportunity to make a double entendre, while Juliet will sometimes squirm a little–or even visibly blush–when things get racy.” This was perfectly illustrated after the taping of their show [The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet], when Juliet said the word ‘p*nis’ on the air for the first time. ‘I never thought we’d get that “p*nis” out of her mouth,’ Mike quipped after the show.”]

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 02/16/14 (@ 7:47 a.m. ET).

Bill Hemmer: No F&FW Fan?

January 15, 2014

Oblivious Bill: Tucker, “where’s the bow, where’s the bow tie?” Fox & Friends Weekend gets no respect from FNC host Bill Hemmer. First, the eminently likeable “blow-dry anchorstole the queen of the curvy couch, three-time F&FW co-host Alisyn Camerota from her fans for good on October 1 of last year. Now, he almost acknowledges that he is no fan of the show–or, if he ever were, he has not seen it since Tucker Carlson took Dave Briggs‘ vacant seat.

During America’s Newsroom this morning, Bill interviewed Tucker and Alan Colmes: After introducing his erstwhile CNN colleague Tucker, he animatedly asked, “Where’s the bow? Where’s the bow tie?”* As Alan chuckled, Tucker grimaced, riposting, “Oh, it’s been about ten [years].” Smiling, an oblivious Bill continued, “New fashion sense!” Charitably, Tucker laughed, “I may bring it back!”

When Tucker began his stint on F&F over a year ago (before he officially took the job), he explained essentially why he had given up the bow tie. In a segment on America returning to more formal Fridays, Tucker, then co-anchor Aly, and co-host Clayton Morris discussed the bow tie. During the segment, Tucker remarked, “People despise you when you wear a bow tie…especially, the Big Apple.” Even though he ignored Aly when she asked him, “Is that why you gave up the bow?,” the answer seemed manifest.

Fox & Friends Weekend: The Rodney Dangerfield of FNC, Bill? At least, watch the show. Or, better yet, give Aly back!

*America’s Newsroom – 01/15/14 (@ 10:32 a.m. ET)

F&FW’s “Throwback Weekend”: Juliet & Mike Return!

December 28, 2013

Huddy’s Philly Sandwich: tasty but stale? Today, former F&FW co-hosts Juliet Huddy and Mike Jerrick returned to their old stomping grounds for a “Throwback Weekend” (as aptly described by F&FW meteorologist Janice Dean). To make things interesting, the concupiscent couple rejoined regular anchor Clayton Morris for a Yuletide romp on the curvy couch.

Yesterday morning, Juliet announced the big news of their reunion, Tweeting, “Oh my…lock up the kids… hosting @foxandfriends thos [sic] weekend w my old pal in crime @MikeFOX29 aka JERRICK! & @ClaytonMorris. Tune in!” For her fans the news was momentous: the leggy lovely had not been flanked by her “Philly guys” to make “a Philly sandwich” since August 2011 (if the author’s memory serves him correctly). And, if Clayton and Mike were right in 2011 about their saucy siren, perhaps, Juliet “needed help” again “with [her] plumbing.”

Consequently, when the author tuned in this morning to the “Throwback” fun, he half-expected the old F&FW opening of a blushing, beaming Juliet listening to blond beauty Jenny McCarthy bawdily declaring, “Yes, the carpet does match the drapes!” Instead, the oft profane Andrew Dice Clay tamely introduced Fox & Friends [Weekend]: Cutely coiffed Mika-style, Juliet reappeared this morning in the middle of her Philly boys as the lady in the red dress–demurely cut with a high neck, longer sleeves, and a midi hem. Not necessarily boding well for those expecting vintage Mike and Juliet.

When the show started in earnest subsequently, Mike turned to his long-time colleague, saying, “Oh! Hi, Juliet! Good to see you.” Eying her freshly shorn head impishly, he remarked, “I like the new hairdo!” Teasing her seemingly about her more mature mien all the more, he playfully displayed her reading glasses, jibing, “And, now you’re wearing glasses. I haven’t seen you in a while!”

Grabbing her spectacles from Mike’s hands and putting them back on the table,  a smiling Juliet jauntily riposted, “Oh, shut up! Get away from me.”

With arched eyebrows and a glint in his eye, Clayton mischievously interjected, “You know, they say [that] when a woman cuts her hair or puts on glasses like there’s some sort of thing going on in her life.” Apparently, acknowledging her recent engagement to her Mr. Wright, a grinning Juliet replied, “Yeah, there’s a lot of things going on in my life!”

Later, in the segment, Mike alluded to the Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration this year and recalled how cold it was when he and Juliet had hosted FNC’s New Year’s Eve festivities. In their segue to Janice, Juliet asked her if she remembered her and Mike’s hosting. In response, Janice declared, “I do. This is like Throwback Weekend here!”* And, it was: But, eleven years later–with someone new.

And, that someone was Clayton. When the second hour began, Mike declared, “We take you back to 2002: Look, it’s Mike and Juliet on the couch again!” Turning to Clayton, Juliet laughed, “You don’t look like Julian Phillips [their whilom African American co-anchor]! Grinning, Clayton answered, “I know. I’m not Julian Phillips.”

And, today, Mike and Juliet were not quite “Mike and Juliet” either. As usual Mike appeared to be his ever randy testosterone-infused self: But, today, bereft of her tresses, Juliet seemed especially estrogen deficient–and wanting a Miley moment [NSFW VMA 2013 vid]. Tomorrow may be a whole new day.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 12/27/18 (@ 6:12 a.m. ET).


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