F&F: SENATOR Brown Breaks Bad

“They just call me Scott.” The “cool” whilom GOP senator that took Dem lion “Ted Kennedy’s seat” took his seat on the curvy couch this morning. The former Cosmo nude pinup and its “America’s Sexiest Man” brought levity and gravity to the F&F set today as a holiday guest co-host fill-in for Steve Doocy. On one hand, “Senator Scott Brown” reminded viewers that he had infamously told supporters that his sexy daughters Ayla and Arianna were available at his U. S. Massachusetts Senatorial acceptance speech: On the other, the retired Army National Guard colonel tutored a guest on Army contractor liability.

On the fun side, the MA Senator revealed that he was familiar with the U.S. Senate etiquette police who insisted that the boys had to wear socks even if the female Senators were able to flash some ankle. Furthermore, in an F&F “Meet Scott“ segment [that showed footage of “Scott” jamming with Cheap Trick onstage (vid)], he exclaimed, “It was one of the highlights of my life playing with Rick Nielson, being pulled out of the crowd and playing with Cheap Trick!”

Understandably, F&F guest co-anchor Clayton Morris referred to Brown as “Senator” and F&F co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck called him Colonel. But, if Senator and/or Colonel Scott Brown is going to make it on the curvy couch, he will have to be just Scott: “Senator” or “Colonel” is fine for a guest but it is unacceptable for a real “Friend.”

Welcome to the curvy couch, Senator. Since you are scheduled to back on F&F tomorrow, maybe, the author  should say, “Welcome to the curvy couch, Scott!”

[Author’s aside: Re the subtitle, supra, in the opening “A block” introducing Senator Scott Brown to the F&F fans, the “Senator” said, “Kids, you know how it goes, but they just call me ‘Scott’ certainly.”]

Update: Perchance, Scott read Carpe Diem: When he returned to F&F the very next day (12/30/14), he was welcomed back to the curvy couch by Elisabeth as “Senator Brown”: He replied, “Just call me, Scott, guys!”

Anna’s Holiday Hosts: F&F Fail!

Guest co-host Leland Vittert: “We may never leave!” Scary. Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Anna Kooiman looked ill at ease on the curvy couch sandwiched between F&FW virgin co-hosts Leland Vittert and Connell McShane. (Leland is a FNC foreign correspondent based in Jerusalem, and Connell is the FBN “Imus in the Morning” newsreader.) The ever gregarious Energizer Bunny tried her hardest to introduce the two newbies to F&FW fans and to create, at least, a modicum of chemistry. Anna succeeded–barely, to put it charitably.

The usual playful banter and racy double entendres that have been F&FW staples were not existent. Even the small talk among Anna, Leland, and Connell seemed strained and stilted. To make matters worse, Leland took a strange shot at his dad’s looks* and Connell delivered a gratuitous jab to Fox & Friends Weekend.**

Perhaps, FNC’s Bill Shine (or his underlings) decided that he could foist the two tyros on his most dedicated F&FW fans for a tryout (since they would probably watch no matter what): Well, this loyal F&FW fan did watch–and almost wished he had not.

The youthful Anna is great: But, she is no Alisyn Camerota who could carry F&FW no matter who her bookends were. F&FW fan favorite and FNC meteorologist Rick Reichmuth was on the set today and should have been the obvious choice to be one of Anna’s guest co-hosts: Together, he and Anna could have more successfully shepherded either Leland or Connell in his debut.

[Author’s aside: Re the provenance of the subtitle, Leland made his “threat” as Anna welcomed him and Connell to the third hour. Chiming in, Connell jested, “Right, you’re stuck with us, Anna!”]

*During a “Meet Leland” segment with baby photos, Leland bizarrely barbed, “I do look a little bit like…my father in those pictures. And, it’s a good thing that I now look like my mother: Otherwise, I would have a fabulous career…in radio.” (@ 6:34 a.m. ET.)

**In the “Meet Leland” segment, supra, (which included Leland’s war footage), Connell sarcastically commented, “Let me be the first to congratulate you on the promotion (to F&FW guest co-host) to now narrating dog video (earlier on F&FW) from…these frivolous foreign videos that we just looked at.” (6:34 a.m. ET.)

F&F Fun: Henry’s Holiday Debut

Ed throws “nutty” mom under the bus? Straight-laced FNC chief White House correspondent Ed Henry made his big debut on Fox & Friends guest co-host this Christmas Eve. Introducing him to the F&F fans, producers aptly ran a montage of his work, his family life, etc. each hour.*** The well-respected former White House Correspondents’ Association president (2012-2013) was an odd choice to couple with his similarly awkward, au courant male counterpart Peter Johnson, Jr., as bookends to the gregarious, gorgeous guest co-anchor Anna Kooiman on the curvy. However, he performed admirably even if he did throw his “nutty” mom under the proverbial bus.

During a holiday edition segment of “Normal or Nuts” with psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow, Ed began a query, saying, “When my mom visits my house to look after the kids–or just [to] come over for the holidays–she keeps track of what all my neighbors are doing and ends up knowing more about them than I do.” Acknowledging that he was treading on eggshells, Ed continued, “I gotta [sic] be careful here: I have to be diplomatic, doctor. But, is she normal or nuts?”

Dr. Ablow replied, “Well, I applaud your bravery: But, she’s nuts!”

Chuckling with chagrin, Ed exclaimed, “Oh, no!”

As a cuckoo bird sounded in the background, Dr. Ablow elaborated, “Here’s the thing: I want to be gentle with her [because] she could be watching….I think that she may be more interested in trying to define other people, their comings, their goings: It’s a little paranoid.” Mercilessly, he continued, “She needs some self-reflection: she needs to get to know herself, the emotional comings and goings in her life. And, invite me for Christmas or for New Year’s [Day] and I’ll do an intervention: And, we’ll broadcast it.” Digging Ed’s grave deeper, Dr. Ablow added, “She’s really something: What was it like to grow up with her, Ed?”

Trying to salvage his Christmas invitation, apparently, Ed responded, “She’s just reporting on my neighbors: she’s not, she’s not paranoid. But, I still love her. And, and, thanks, Dr. Keith, for the diagnosis.”

Ed, your mom will be having her turkey for Christmas dinner: And, it won’t be the bird!

[Author’s aside: Over the course of the show, Ed revealed that he played first base in Little League baseball; he went to the White House as a lad with his sister Colleen; he married his beautiful wife Shirley at the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas (and celebrated with a White House wedding cake “to scale”); and that he has a son Patrick and a daughter Mila.]

Patricia: Stark Naked!

“Get used to looking at yourself in as little clothing as possible.” FNC new hire Patricia Stark made her debut on Fox & Friends First this morning–more than demure in her over-the-knee black skirt and high-cut orange blouse.* Looking a bit too canned, Patricia brought “her extensive experience hosting and anchoring over 25 different television shows” to Fox News this morning as she read a news story this morning on one of the F.B.I.’s Most Wanted fugitives in Cuba.

After her hit,  F&FF co-host Ainsley Earhardt enthusiastically welcomed her, exclaiming, “We’re so glad you’re here!” Pointing to her, Ainsley elaborated, “You’ll working the overnight: And, then you’ll join us on Fox & Friends First occasionally.”

In anticipation, Patricia answered, “Every chance I get! Thank you so much!”

“Well, welcome to the family!” Ainsley responded.

Indeed!

As to your slightly stilted first start on F&FF, Patricia, no worries. The next time, you might want to envision your audience in the buff. Or, in the alternative, you might want to take your own advice (to prepare yourself for swimsuit shopping or sunning): “[S]tart dancing around in your house in your bra and panties…Get used to looking at yourself in as little clothing as possible.”

If you’re successful, your new fan base may well follow suit.

*F&FF – 12/19/14 (@ 5:05 a.m. ET).

Aly & Chris: Dawn of a New Day?

James Earl Jones’ voice silenced. As rumors swirl over New Day host Kate Bolduan‘s possible ouster from her CNN morning anchor chair, ND host Chris Cuomo and ND guest anchor Alisyn Camerota introduced themselves and New Day in a whole new way Thursday and Friday. Gone was the daily dulcet baritone introduction of James Earl Jones teasing, “This is New Day with Chris Cuomo, Kate Bolduan, and Michaela Pereira!” Instead, it was either Chris or Aly introducing each other and ND to the viewer. No mention was made of Michaela: But, perhaps, more tellingly, no mention was made of Kate either–seemingly, for the first time since she left on maternity leave.

When Kate tearfully took her maternal sabbatical and deemed it “super, super, super bittersweet” (09/19/14), the author wondered whether she was also actually getting a divorce from her ND hubby, who reportedly had informed CNN honcho Jeff Zucker “that Kate Bolduan is not a good fit for him and he wants someone new.” Perchance, she was indeed taking that fateful step–whether she knew it or not.

Reportedly, Zucker is mulling Chris’s purported suggested amid a marked increase in ND ratings since Kate’s hiatus from New Day. As the new diva on the ND divan for the last two months, Aly is proving that she may well fit the bill.

Kiran’s Comeback: Infomercials?

Comely Chetry still brings the juice! Former Fox & Friends Weekend and American Morning co-host Kiran Chetry was hit by negative publicity today from prominent cable news media sites for hosting hoi polloi infomercials. Mediaite columnist Andrew Kirell snarks, “Hopefully this is just a stepping stone for Chetry, as it seems a far cry from the ‘special opportunity‘ she promised upon her CNN departure three years ago. Perhaps, slightly more benignly, MediaBistro author Mark Joyella notes, “[Chetry] turned up again over the holiday weekend–this time on CNBC. Chetry wasn’t anchoring at CNBC, but rather, appearing in an infomercial for a juicer, the “NutriBullet.”

No worries, Kiran: any publicity is good publicity. Even though the boys may give you a rough ribbing, they still care and they are still talking about you: After all, you are looking as good as ever.

To quote a certain perspicacious chanteuse (via vid), Kiran, “Just shake it off!”

H/t: CNN Commentary.