Clayton Morris: “NY’s Funniest Reporter”?

F&FW’s “Rodney Dangerfield”: Really can’t believe I won.  Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor  Clayton Morris was crowned “New York’s Funniest Reporter”at the Comedy Strip Live Comedy Club on last Thursday night (September 27). bested his FOX fellows, Dr. Manny Alvarez (FNC) and Greg Kelly (Fox 5) and the foxy femmes, Lauren Lyster (RRTV), Michele Steele (ESPN); and Marianne Garvey (In Touch Weekly). After winning the laurel and proudly hoisting his trophy, Clayton Tweeted, “Really can’t believe I won.” Critiquing his routine, he joked, “I was like Rodney Dangerfield up there.*

Apparently, Clayton’s needed “pre-show cocktail” at Toloache 82 was just what the doctor ordered. Congratulations, Clayton!

H/t, J$P.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 09/29/12 (@7:01 a.m. ET)

Update: In the After the Show Show Saturday, Clayton discussed his comedic approach with Dave and Aly. According to a review by the New York Comedy World, Clayton “did his homework and really came off as a stand-up.”

Proud Perino: “World’s Hottest Grandmother”

“One More Thing”: Do you remember what you call me? The Five co-host Dana Perino finally introduced her Scottish step grandchildren to her FNC fans. More than a year ago, then virgin Fox & Friends Weekend guest-host Dana revealed to her incredulous audience that she was a grandmother, to two Scottish children, Rachel and Sebastian: Furthermore, she mentioned that that they called her “Grandma America.” Yesterday, as The Five‘s ultimate segment concluded, Dana declared, “I have a special “One More Thing”: I have my–believe it or not–my grandchildren from Scotland…Rachel and Sebastian, are here.”

As Dana introduced Rachel and Sebastian, her hubby Peter McMahon (of twelve years) herded their two grandchildren onto the set sub rosa. As the two gathered around Dana at the table, they appeared dazed by the spotlight and virtually mute.

Looking at Rachel tenderly, Dana asked, “Do you remember what you call me?” As Rachel stared blankly ahead, Dana prompted her, saying, “Grandma America. Can you say it?” Looking at her young nana, a smiling Rachel softly answered, “Grandma America.”

Interjecting, co-anchor Greg Gutfeld risquely exclaimed, “World’s hottest grandmother!”

Without acknowledging her co-host’s impertinent compliment, Dana turned to Sebastian and asked whether he had enjoyed his earlier trip to Disney. “Yeah,” he tersely replied. Trying to draw out her  little Silent Cal, Dana queried, “What did you think of the show? This show.” As he looked quizzically at his step nana, Dana quickly declared, “They’re speechless–as are more Americans when they watch this.”

At least, that segment. Speechless that The Five‘s Dana Perino is really a grandmother. Even if “Granda America” is “the world’s hottest grandmother.”

Ainsley’s Bridal Shower: Updated!

[Earhardt’s tiger revealed, infra.] Seventh heaven: Ainsley and six other Ailes’ angels celebrate a new beginning. Yesterday, Fox & Friends First co-host Ainsley Earhardt‘s hump day was extra special. The sweet Southern belle was honored with a bridal shower by her Fox News family and friends, including fellow FNC femmes, Patti Ann Brown, Heather Childers, Maria Molina, Janice Dean, Heather Nauert, and Anna Kooiman (photo).

Seemingly, the die is now cast: Ainsley’s bridal shower has been thrown. And, yesterday, Janice signaled her hearty approval to her Twitter followers with Tweets about the festive affair. In one missive, she sent a photo of Ainsley and the FNC femme fatales, writing, “From beautiful @ainsleyearhardt bridal show this afternoon @FoxFriendsFirst pic.twitter.com/sHeija7K. In another, she sent a pic of a radiant solo Ainsley sipping an apparent mimosa, proclaiming, “Beautiful bride to be! @ainsleyearhardt.” This morning, an appreciative Ansley laconically replied, “Janice – thanks for the tweet.”

Apparently, Ainsley was a wee bit overly eager last week when she alluded to her “husband.” Perhaps, she already felt secure in his arms at her “Home Sweet Home.” Cheers, Ainsley!

Update: Subsequent to the posting of the author’s article, Janice Tweeted, “A Bridal Shower for our beautiful @ainsleyearhardt @FoxFriendsFirst (plenty of pictures!) weather.blogs.foxnews.com/2012/09/27/ainsleys-bridal-shower. In her post, Janice shares fabulous photos of Ainsley, six more Ailes Angels, and other FNC colleagues partying at Sarabeth’s restaurant in Manhattan. To boot, she reveals the name of Ainsley’s hubby-to-be–Will Proctor (former Clemson quarterback).

Kiran: “Not the Whole Story by Any Means”

Inquisitr snark : It appears Kiran Chetry is still waiting for that “special opportunity.” Foxy former CNN American Morning co-anchor Kiran Chetry seemed more than a mite miffed yesterday at little known Inquisitr.com author Nathan Francis who penned a strangely-timed, snippy piece entitled, “Kiran Chetry Still Waiting for Her Big Return to Television.” In a Tweet to her Twitter followers, Kiran linked to Francis’ story that claimed that she had not left CNN on “exactly amicable” terms and that derided her subsequent work, declaring, “Not the whole story by any means.”

Indeed. In Francis’ article almost two months after the one year anniversary of Kiran’s tearful namaskaar to CNN for a “very special opportunity,” Francis alleged that she had left on not “exactly amicable terms,” inanely citing her infamous on-air “scolding” by her then co-host John Roberts. Perhaps, the new writer at Inquitr forgot–if he ever knew–that it was Roberts who left AM shortly thereafter, and Kiran stayed on to be an anchor of CNN EVP Ken Jautz’s “right ‘American family.'”

Furthermore, Francis took his bizarre broadsides to Kiran and her work after CNN on E! News as a special correspondent and a GBTV guest anchor. Re Kiran in her red carpet reportage of the New York City premier of Smash, he sniped, ” [A] former Fox News reporter [who] found her way back onto television in January.”As to her engaging GBTV gig, he caviled, “[B]arely warrant[ing] a mention on Media Bistro…leaving fans who wanted to see her return to television disappointed.” Caustically, he concluded, “It appears Kiran Chetry is still waiting for that ‘special opportunity.'”

Actually, as the author noted over two months ago in Carpe Diem‘s “Kiran: A Year Later,” Kiran has seized her “very special opportunity” on a profoundly personal level. And, it is her faithful fans who are “still waiting for that ‘special opportunity'” for her professionally. As to Francis’ froth, as Oscar Wilde once said, “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”

Maria Molina: Cosmo’s Caliente Latina!

“Funny, smart, and stylish,” too. FNC weatherwoman Marina Molina puts the fox into Fox News and, to boot, she rocks the “hot job of the week” according to Cosmopolitan for Latinas. In her flattering profile, the sexy twenty-five-year-old Columbia-grad student provides her bona fides (FSU alum with both a Meteorology degree and AccuWeather work experience); revels in her Nicaraguan roots (“the people, the food, the culture”); and reveals the key to her success (persistence and hard work). Perhaps, she forgot to mention being a universal hottie does not hurt either.

Of course, Cosmo seems somewhat tardy in their recognition of the comely meteorological replacement of FNC’s Italian dish Domenica Davis: Carpe Diem celebrated the debut of Maria on FNC’s Fox & Friends Weekend (to the delight of co-host Dave Briggs) approximately two years ago. Not to mention, CD subsequently reported on the smoldering Maria’s heating up of the Fox & Friends weekday version as well (even sans photos for co-anchor Brian Kilmeade) Whether Maria is tempting her viewers by going “bust” (or “naked”) or simply teasing them with her subliminal “phallic” map, CD has been there to provide her devoted votaries the delicious details.

Maria Molina: a Cosmo Latina? Helen Gurley Brown would be proud!

H/t J$P.

Ainsley Just Married? “Our Husbands”

Did Fox & Friends First co-hostc Ainsley Earhardt announce today that she has tied the knot again? This morning, she certainly appeared to do so after her myth-debunking health segment with Dr. David Samadi of FNC’s “Medical A Team.” As she concluded the interview, she asked Dr. Samadi if warm milk helped one get to sleep: he answered that one would have to drink “gallons and gallons of milk” for its tryptophan to induce slumber. Subsequently, when Ainsley tossed back to her co-host Heather Nauert, she jested, “Do you hear this, Heather? So, our husbands have no excuse when they sit on the sofa after Thanksgiving dinner because they’re not eating gallons and gallons of turkey.”* [Italics added for emphasis.]

One final connubial tease by Ainsley? Three months ago (June 18),the author noticed the new big rock that she suddenly began to sport on F&FF: In a Carpe Diem article entitled “Ainsley Earhardt ‘in Shape’: Blushing Bride 2B?,” he noted that the usually “ringless” Ainsley had Tweeted a pic of herself proudly sporting the ring to her followers and had hinted to her F&FF fans two weeks earlier that she was a bride-to-be in an “Wedding Workout: Exercise to Get You Ready for the Big Day” segment with Nikki Glor. Almost two months later (August 15), when she guest-hosted on Fox & Friends weekday, Ainsley finally admitted, “Yes, I’m getting married.” Today, she seemed slyly to tell her own audience on Fox & Friends First that she is now married when she playfully remarked “our husbands.”

Congratulations, Ainsley?

Update: Ainsley and her putative hubby’s new abode? Only six days ago, she Tweeted a photo of a beautiful house on the shore to her followers, teasing, “The Beach – Home Sweet Home.”

Fox & Friends – 09/19/12 (@ 5:25 a.m. ET)

Gretchen Gets Punked: “Fun with Perverts”

Brian: “I think he was vacuous and drunk.” Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson got “punked” this morning by University of Texas at Austin student Max Rice, seemingly. In a segment ironically entitled “Boomerang Generation Votes,” Gretchen touted him as an unemployed college graduate who had moved in with his parents and portrayed him as an Obama voter who may have changed his mind on the President. Instead of hitting President Obama with this Boomerang voter, Gretchen herself got suckered instead by an apparent young wannabe comedian who styles himself as a gonzo journalist.

After Gretchen wished him a good morning, Rice animatedly answered, “Well, hello, Miss, Miss U.S.A.: It’s an honor!” Rolling her eyes at his misnomer, a slightly agitated Gretchen stammered, “Uh, Miss America [1989] but, but, but close enough.” Grinning, a goofy Rice replied, “Miss America! Miss Universe, in my book, in my book.” Smiling, Gretchen responded, “Oh, okay. Well, well thank you very much.”

Turning serious, Gretchen stated, “Now, tell me your story. You believed in the  “hope and change” of President Obama…so you voted for him….[T]ell me about the next three-and-a-half years.”

Grabbing his Starbucks coffee cup for an insouciant on-camera swig, Rice implausibly declared, “Oh, I was a huge Obama supporter in 2008. I met him in third grade. I met him when I was little.”

Arching her eyebrows, Gretchen asked, “Okay. And, why now are you supporting Mitt Romney?”

Shaking his head, Rice remarked, “Uh, why am I supporting Mitt Romney? It’s actually a funny story: I lost a basketball game to a friend of mine, Alex Dern, who’s a huge supporter of this show.”

Pursing her lips with apparent annoyance, Gretchen replied, “Okay, so it sounds like your not being very serious about this.”

Seeming to realize that his apparent gig was almost up, Rice quickly responded, “I’m also disappointed in the direction that Obama is taking this nation: But, yeah, I will be casting my ballot for Mitt Romney!”

Quizzically, Gretch queried, “And, is it true that you had to go back and live with your parents after you graduated from college?”

Cagily, Rice replied, “Oh, yeah. After I went to college for a bit, I had to absolutely go back and live with my parents this summer. I’m back on my own, independent. I’m on national TV….It’s an honor.”

Her skepticism renewed, Gretchen asked, “Okay. Well, are you being serious about this interview or not?” With a mischievous grin, he answered, “Yeah! I can’t see your face right now: this is so weird.” Smiling, Gretchen sweetly answered, “Alright, actually we’re going to wrap this up right now because I’m not so sure that you’re actually being totally serious about the interview.”

Reluctant to give up his proverbial “fifteen minutes of fame,” Rice demanded, “Oh, we are? I am. Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait.” Chuckling, she responded, “I’m not so sure that you’re ready for prime time yet, with this interview.”

As a still hopeful Rice’s shot ended and before she teased the second hour, Gretchen charitably remarked, “Alright, we’re gonna give Max another chance, maybe, when he’s ready to do the interview.”

When Gretchen and her co-hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy returned from commercial break, Gretchen laughed, “Usually, Brian gets assigned those interviews….I remember the interviews that you’ve done with kids who didn’t have much to say: In this case, I got a big kid that didn’t have much to say in that last [block].” Sweetly, she added, “I feel sorry for this guy; I don’t know him; [and] maybe, he didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Acerbically, Brian remarked, “I think [that] he was vacuous and drunk, personally. He probably doesn’t have a lot to say on his best day! And, this was probably his worst day.”

Author’s aside: It F&F had vetted Max Rice a mite more, Brian, he does have a lot to say. And, to put it politely, some of it is not very nice. The 2010 Senior Class President at New Trier High School‘s graduation speech (1,2) and stand-up comedy routines (1,2) would have provided a clue. Not to mention, a simple perusal of younghotmeat‘s cruel YouTube video series “Fun with Perverts”  should have put an immediate kibosh on any thought of such an interview with Rice.

*Fox & Friends – 09/17/12 (@ 6:54 a.m. ET)

Update: Vid via TVNewser (within article by Alex Weprin).

[Author’s aside: Weprin gives Mediaite a “hat tip” in his main article for noting that Rice was “snarky.” But, he fails to give another to Carpe Diem in his later update for noting that Rice is a “wannabe” stand-up comedian [supra]. He nonchalantly claims, “After about three minutes of Googling, it looks at though Rice is a (wannabe?) stand up comedian.” Guess Weprin should Google before his writes a piece or just check “Carpe Diem” for the rest of the story.]

Update 2: According to the Washington Examiner, FNC Executive VP of Programming Bill Shine addressed Gretch’s punking, saying, “We are still examining the situation but it will be addressed with the appropriate parties involved.” In genteel terms, someone is going to the woodshed at best for that inexplicable blunder.

Update 3 (correction and addendum): As the author indicated, supra, Rice is no college graduate: However, he is no longer enrolled at the University of Texas at Austin. Rather, he is now a matriculate at Columbia College in Chicago according to the Washington Post. Of his dubious brush with fame, Rice remarked, “Anyone can say what they want as long as they realize that [Fox & Friends is] a sham and it’s wrong….I’ve always hated Fox & Friends.” H/t J$P (and Chicago Sun-Times).

Shannon Bream: Liberty Belle & Trump Beauty?

America’s News Headquarters anchor Shannon Bream: no small fry! The beautiful blond legal eagle that graduated from Moral Majority founder Jerry Falwell’s Liberty College oft appears too demure, too modest, and too soft-spoken for FNC’s foxy fold of sassy, sexy, and brassy news babes. Her Fox News fans would not be shocked that the Florida native, who had interned in college on the Hill for Rep. Bill McCollum (R-FL), subsequently got her J.D. cum laude at Florida State University, became a corporate lawyer, and got the journalist bug that eventually led her to Fox News (a la FNC colleague Megyn Kelly). But, they might be quite surprised that their “conservative” cutie, the former Miss Shannon DePuy, in the interim, was furthermore not only a 1991 Top 10 Miss America finalist (Miss Virginia) but also a 1995 Top 12 Miss USA semi-finalist (Miss Florida).

Yes, the Southern belle has the brains to cover the Supreme Court beat. But, she also has the looks to sashay on the catwalk with the best of them–be they Bert Parks’ classic beauties (1991 Miss America Top 10 vid) or Donald Trump‘s chic chicks (Top 12 and swimsuit vids).

Bream: served to order!

H/t: Glamour (and TVNewser).

Fox & Friends: Gretch a Goner?

Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson‘s future at Fox News is in question according to New York Magazine. NYM reported that one of its sources said that Gretchen and FNC are “haggling over her contract terms” and revealed that Gretchen wants her own FNC show but Fox suits are not keen on the idea. However, NYM indicated that one lead said that Gretchen and FNC had “reach[ed] a short-term accord that would keep her on the curvy couch with Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade until the election [b]ut after November, it’s unclear.”

Over a month earlier, the author noted Gretchen’s uncertain future at Fox & Friends in a Carpe Diem article entitled, “Gretchen’s ‘Last Summer Vacation.'” After Gretchen decided to take her one “last summer vacation before kicking into high gear for the political conventions and the election,” he noted that F&F began not only to utilize its regular talent such as Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota and Fox & Friends First co-host Ainsley Earnhardt but also to showcase significantly possible celebrity replacements, i.e., Olympian Dara Torres and former American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi. Yet, the writing was still not necessarily on the proverbial wall.

Now, it well may be. As Inside Cable News declared, “If there is a shred of truth to this [New York Magazine story], Carlson is on dangerous ground. Roger Ailes and FNC have a history of summarily dispatching talent whose dreams are bigger than FNC reality will tolerate (see: Chetry, Kiran).”

Wouldn’t that be ironic? Deliciously so–if Ailes finally forgave Gretchen’s nemesis, Kiran Chetry, for her “seminal sin” and welcomed the waiting beauty back into the FNC fold with that “very special opportunity.” After all, Aly is indispensable to F&F Weekend.

Carol Costello: I’m Just Whining on a “Friend”

CNN Newsroom anchor: “Strange ‘leg crossings’ on Fox’s early, early news.” No wonder FNC’s Fox & Friends First continues to bury its CNN counterpart Early Start in the ratings: Even CNN morning host Carol Costello is tuning in for Fox News’ early morning gamfest.

Today, Mediaite.com author Andrew Kirell reported a very candid Carol Facebook post this morning. To whit, Carol comically declared, “Good morning! Each morning we are amazed at the excellent posture and strange ‘leg crossings’ on Fox’s early, early news. I have tried to get my legs to do that…but, it hurts. What can I say, it’s a slow Monday!”*

Slow or no(t), Carol’s comment  was illuminating. She clearly has her eyes on the early morning juggernaut that is demolishing CNN’s Early Start by more than 2 to 1 in the demo and 3 to 1 in total viewers. And, she herself has tried to emulate the Fox News foxes–without success.

At least, Carol has tried. Perhaps, Early Start co-host Zoraida Sambolin will follow suit. CNN desperately needs a sexy new start to boost its early morning ratings, especially, now that its erstwhile AM “ray of light” Kiran Chetry no longer ushers in the dawn.

[Author’s aside: Title, supra, play on the Rolling Stones’ “Waiting on a Friend.”]

*The Fox & Friends First co-hosts Monday were Patti Ann Browne and Heather Childers.

“Mrs.” Martha MacCallum: Ring of Truth?

Martha “punking” her fervent fans? Looking lovely as ever, FNC anchor Martha MacCallum hit the floor of the Democratic National Convention for Fox News on America’s Election Headquarters in a form-fitting blue dress last night. The blonde beauty commanded rapt attention as she deftly corresponded from the hall before President Obama’s coronation. However, she looked somewhat different than she had earlier in the day on America’s Newsroom other than the wardrobe change: Unless the author’s eyes deceived him (in a ring close-up shot),* Martha was donning a simple ring with a solitary stone on her ring finger instead of her usual one with white rocks across the crest.**

As Carpe Diem readers may remember, Martha was profiled in (201) Magazine December 2011 in an article entitled, “Holiday Look: Martha MacCallum and Her Family Get Dressed Up to Celebrate.” According to the story, Martha, “her husband, Daniel, and their three kids” resided in Ridgewood, New Jersey. In the accompanying photos, Martha (with a ring on her left ring finger) was seen with her family sans her husband Daniel.

Approximately four months later on AN (March 28), the author noticed and noted that Martha was “missing” her wedding band in his Carpe Diem article “Martha MacCallum: Mrs. or Ms.?” Soon thereafter, he further related that America’s Newsroom co-host Bill Hemmer joked on AN (April 26) that Bill and Martha were the “bride and groom” in a pic of them posing together on a fundraiser cruise. Less than a week later, the author reported that on May 2 Bill playfully posited, “So how do we [Bill and Martha] look?” after mentioning “speed dating.”

Adventitiously or not, a week and a day later, Martha was once again sporting seemingly “connubial bling.”  However, almost a month later, Martha did doff her marital band again as reported by the author in Carpe Diem‘s “The Third: Martha’s Independence Day?” Perhaps, not so incidentally, that very next day (the actual Independence Day), Martha had her connubial “shackle” on anew and she seemingly has not been able to escape it since.

But, last night, the appearance of Martha’s “new” ring seemed to suggest that her crested “wedding” ring may have been merely an AN prop that she simply forgot to take last night to AEH. If it were, she should not have feared to eschew any artifice and to lay bare–at least, her left ring finger–before her avid votaries. In fact, she surely would have stoked their ardor all the more with such a naked truth.

Martha: Mrs. or Ms.? An open question.

*Fox & Friends – 09/06/12 (@ 10:59 a.m. ET)

**America’s News Headquarters – 09/06/12 (@ 9:02 p.m.)

Brian: Kooiman, I’m Better at Screwing Than You!

Blushing Anna Kooiman: “Get out! Get out!” Today, Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade may have taken his James Bond fantasy a bit too far on air. Yesterday, he proudly proclaimed himself a virtual 007 with “the fancy car” and “the beautiful women, ” not to mention a newly acquired  jet-pack expertise [on his Tampa vid (via J$P) during RNC last week]. Hoping to prove his Irish/Italian machismo anew during the DNC this week, Brian challenged his beautiful blond FNC colleague, Anna Kooiman, to a drag race on the Charlotte Motor Speedway in her hometown: But, that sweet Southern belle was not about to let him have a victory on her turf. Nevertheless, in true Fleming fashion, the boy got the girl in the end–in a fashion, to her chagrin.

In Anna’s first-hour visit on the curvy couch with the F&F co-hosts, Brian teased her report on NASCAR, saying, “They [NASCAR] even gave us the keys to their cars at the Charlotte Motor Speedway.” Subsequently, Anna aired footage of her interviewing CMS CEO and President Marcus Smith; of her taking a scary ride with a driver on the track; and of her beginning to race a cocksure Brian (adorned in full NASCAR regalia).

When Anna’s video ended with Anna and Brian’s speeding off into the distance, co-anchor Steve Doocy asked, “And, who’s the winner?” Raising her arms in triumph, a chuckling Anna chimed, “Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Reddening, Brian admitted, “Alright, she definitely beat me!…She averaged 89 miles an [sic] hour: I averaged 75 miles an [sic] hour.” Elaborating, Anna said that she thought Brian was playing a joke on her and that she offered him a rematch but a sudden pouring rain precluded one.

But, Brian did get, at least, a measure of revenge. In the final hour of F&F, he took Anna on in the NASCAR Hall of Fame Pit Crew Challenge (“tire change” which included unscrewing and screwing bolts).* After easily finishing first, Brian walked over to Anna and knelt down beside her as she tried vainly to complete the contest. Taunting her, Brian bawdily teased, “Kooiman, give it up! Face it: I am better at screwing than you!” Reddening in chagrin, Anna smilingly exclaimed, “Noooo! No!”

Subsequently, admitting defeat for the moment, Anna challenged Brian to a future rematch in New York City. After he agreed to a tie-breaker, he tossed back to his amused co-hosts, Steve and Gretchen Carlson. Almost flustered, Gretchen chortled, “Brian, the only thing I remember from that whole thing right there was just what you said just two seconds ago.” Feigning ignorance, a beaming Brian deadpanned, “That we’re one-and-one lifetime against each other.”

Blushing all the more, Anna interjected, “Right!” Shaking her head in disagreement, Gretchen laughed, “No!” Putting her hand frantically to her throat (as if cutting it repeatedly) in a hopeful plea to F&F‘s producer, a fully flushed Anna implored, “Get out! Get out!” When the cam mercifully began to pan out, Anna, embarrassed, pulled her head back in almost utter disbelief.

Welcome to Brian’s wacky world, Anna!

*Fox & Friends – 09/05/12 (@ 8:47 a.m. ET)

Update: Kilmeade/Kooiman Pit Crew Challenge video via J$P. H/t, Johnny Dollar!