Fox News Specialists? Not!

Unless “Specialists” is an FNC euphemism for “not so special” Five. On the positive side, it was Fox News Specialists co-hosts Eric Bolling, Eboni Williams, and Katherine Timpf‘s virgin show so they and the producers may have a honeymoon to work out the kinks with viewers who are accustomed to a livelier, sexier, and, quite frankly, much sharper The Five (which, thankfully, will air at 9:00 p.m. tonight to redeem its replacement).

The first thing that caught the author’s eye was the pretentious new solid circular desk that seemed to be designed to suggest a certain Sunday morning news gravitas with the co-anchors safely ensconced behind it: No much needed “leg chair” there today to spice up the show a la The Five at the five o’clock hour! As to the their heralded “specialists” guests, billionaire and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and Showtime’s “The Circus” co-producer and co-host Mark McKinnon, they were not bad, and they provided their usual political perspectives: But, one can see them as guests oft on almost any FNC show of note.

There were no scintillating debates as one would expect on The Five or even on Outnumbered: Sadly, it felt like merely time filler for this FNC viewer. Hopefully, the show was not a harbinger of what is to come for the inaptly named Fox News Specialists or the network itself as it seems to be transmogrifying from Rupert Murdoch’s juggernaut FNC to his sons James and Lachlan’s “gentler and kinder” Fox News.

“The Fox News Specialists” needs to up its game as does Fox News or its rumored future more conservative rival may do what CNN and MSNBC have not been able to do thus far, i.e., take it down a notch or two.

As the show concluded, McKinnon said, “Five o’clock will never be the same again.” The author fears that he might just be right.

“The Fox News Specialists”: Really?

Five O’Clock Somewhere might strike a more resonant chord with long-time Five fans whose show has moved to prime time (9 p.m. ET). The Five‘s replacement show as of Monday (May 1), “Fox News Specialists,” sounds somewhat supercilious at best and downright condescending to faithful, informed FNC viewers who probably know almost as much or possibly even more than the newly named co-hosts Eric Bolling, Eboni Williams, and Katherine Timpf.

Eric deserves the five o’clock slot if anyone does: Eric has held the Five center seat with distinction and promoted The Five diurnally by pointing to his left hand with all five “fingers” (including his thumb) extended at the end of virtually every show–not to mention, he’s a smart cookie who also anchors Cashin’ In on Saturday mornings (11:30 a.m. ET). As for Eboni, she’s has been a regular on Outnumbered who has a sharp legal mind, good common sense, and distinct feminine pulchritude. As to Katherine, she is smart and sexy, too, but she can be annoying with her millennial snark as she frequently has evidenced on Red Eye and the Greg Gutfeld Show.

“News Specialists” sounds more like an obnoxious MSNBC show that might be hosted by Mika Brzezenski  of Morning Joe who infamously said, “[Trump] is trying to undermine the media and trying to make up his own facts. He could have undermined the messaging so much that he can actually control exactly what people think. That is our job.”

Eric, Eboni, and Katherine, it’s not Mika’s job, and it’s not your job. As you all well know, your job is to report and to let your audience decide. And, when you and your colleagues do it well, every viewer is a “Fox News Specialist.”

Break a leg! Hopefully, it’s “five o’clock somewhere”!

O’Reilly Out: Carlson In

Five replaces Carlson; Bolling replaces Five; and Watters replaces Bolling. Yesterday, FNC honcho Rupert Murdoch “caved”: Joined his boys James and Lachlan in dethroning the King of Cable Bill O’Reilly (statement)–while O’Reilly was on vacation. And, O’Reilly did not get the last word on his once eponymous show last night newly named simply The Factor.

Rather, The Factor fill-in host Dana Perino solemnly declared, “Finally, tonight, it is the end of an era here at the Fox News Channel….Bill O’Reilly is leaving this chair and this network after more than twenty years. Bill has been the undisputed king of cable news, and for good reason: He is an incredibly talented broadcaster who raised the bar for interviewers everywhere; he has also held his staff to exacting standards in his quest to put the best possible program on the air and they are great; and you his audience responded in record numbers making The Factor the number one cable news show for more than sixteen years.” Trying to soften the blow to O’Reilly’s fans further, Dana declared, “In a memo to the staff today, Rupert, James, and Lachlan Murdoch who run Fox News described Bill this way, [saying], “By ratings standards, Bill O’Reilly is one of the most accomplished TV personalities in the history of cable news. In fact, his success by any measure is indisputable. We wish him the very best.”

Even though the Murdochs recently re-signed their FNC flagship anchor and top revenue generator to an 18-million-per-year contract, they decided to  jettison O’Reilly amid the continuing allegations of sexual harassment. According to the New York Times, Fox luminaries Rebecca Gomez (2011), Laurie Dhue (2016), and Juliet Huddy (2016) have received settlements: Furthermore, reportedly, erstwhile Outnumbered regular Andrea Tantaros‘s psychologist Michele Berdy said under oath that Andrea “complained to me about recurring unwanted advances from Bill O’Reilly.” To boot, the New York Daily News reported, “On the day before he [O’Reilly] was booted, a black colleague said a leering O’Reilly shamelessly ogled her cleavage and nicknamed her ‘Hot Chocolate.'”

Not amused, O’Reilly responded to his firing, saying, “It is tremendously disheartening that we [Fox News and O’Reilly] part ways due to completely unfounded claims. But that is the unfortunate reality many of us in the public eye must live with today. I will always look back on my time at Fox with great pride in the unprecedented success we achieved and with my deepest gratitude to all my dedicated viewers.” [For full statement, link here.]

As to O’Reilly’s dedicated viewers, they will now have “a new evening and prime time lineup” according to Fox News. As of Monday (April 24),  Tucker Carlson Tonight will replace the recently renamed O’Reilly Factor (to The Factor); The Five will follow with the usual cast of Kimberly Guilfoyle, Greg Gutfeld, Dana Perino, Juan Williams, and Bob Beckel with the addition of Jesse Watters to take Eric Bolling‘s middle chair (April 24); Bolling gets his own show in the old The Five slot at 5:00 p.m. ET (May 1).

Coaxing his own Tucker Carlson Tonight viewers to make the jump to the new time last night, Tucker concluded his show saying, “There is change coming to Fox News, the channel and to this program: Starting Monday, we are moving to 8 p.m. Eastern Time. You’ve made the journey with us from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m.: We hope you’ll come along once more and join us an hour earlier.” Graciously, he aptly added, “We’ve got big shoes to fill: We’re going to do our best.”

Indeed, Tucker does have big shoes to fill: Whether O’Reilly devotees will give Tucker that chance remains to be known. And, to whether FNC fans cotton to James and Lachlan’s kinder, gentler Fox News is another issue altogether: Their father Rupert had the Midas touch with his “Mad Men” mentality. Going PC may be FNC’s folly: Alchemy in reverse.

Eric Bolling: I Admit This!

“I watch them in the morning: I’m a very faithful viewer [of Mika and Joe]!” Sorry, Fox & Friends co-hosts Steve Doocy, Ainsley Earhardt, and Brian Kilmeade, Fox News The Five co-host Eric Bolling is cheating on you in the early morn–and he is doing it with MSNBC’s Morning Joe‘s Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough!

The Five co-host Eric Bolling let the cat out of the bag on Outnumbered as the “One Lucky Guy” today when he was discussing Mika’s emotional response to President Trump’s claim that former President Obama spied on him during a segment moderated by The Five co-anchor Meghan McCain. Airing a vid of Mika tearfully exclaiming, “I don’t know how anybody can defend this President even if it’s their job….[T]his is not funny! This is really bad! Just for the record, we’re all really nervous! So, if people out there feel nervous, we do, too!”*

Turning to her right, Meghan said, “Eric, I’m going to go to you first. I just want to make reference to the fact that Mika and Joe were present at Mar-a-Lago on New Year’s, hanging out with President Trump a mere less than two months ago–didn’t seem too nervous and freaked out then.”

In response, Eric concurred, “That’s right! And, they were also, ah, allegedly at one of the primaries in the Trumps’ hotel room as well.”  Coming clean, Eric stammered, “So, they, they, I admit this: I watch them in the morning. I’m a very faithful viewer!”

A “very faithful viewer” of Mika and Joe! Guess Eric needs to go to Father Jonathan Morris for confession when he lights his next candle. Hopefully, he will not only be forgiven by Father Jon but also by his colleagues, Ainsley, Steve, and Brian. Time to repent for “your sin” of being unfaithful, Eric!

*Outnumbered – 03/07/17 (@ 12:51 p.m. ET).

Bob Beckel: “Comrade Trump”

Showing his backside once again. Bring back Juan! Five co-host Bob Beckel once again showed his uncivil side by referring to the President of the United States as Comrade Trump during a discussion of POTUS’ pick of Lt. General H. R. McMaster as national security advisor. Proclaiming the general a “real hero during the Desert War,” he then acerbically remarked, “He’s known as a fiscal hawk; I mean, he wants to spend a lot of money as does Comrade Trump.”* Chastening her disrespectful colleague, co-anchor Dana Perino exclaimed, “Bob!” Echoing Dana’s reproof, co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle chided, “Bob!” Turning to Bob, co-anchor Eric Bolling upbraided him, saying, “Can we just, can we stop with Comrade Trump? Can we do it?” Responding in an unusually surly fashion, Bob answered, “No! No! No!”

Requesting a soupcon of civility, Eric asked, “Can we just, just for right now? Can we do it?” For the man who saved his life (from choking), he replied, “For right now? Okay, for you I’ll do it for right now.” Optimistically, Eric responded, “Let’s try it one show at a time!” Unfortunately, being truthful, Bob answered, “Well, I won’t commit to that! I said it to this question.”

Bring back co-anchor Juan Williams! If Bob will not be respectful to the President of the United States of America and derides him as Comrade Trump on an FNC opinion/news show, perhaps, he should leave The Five again or get some common comity. Liberal, civil, brilliant Juan Williams can always easily fill that chair with real class.

*The Five – 02/20/16 (@ 5:03 p.m. ET).

Perino Goes Pe-loco?

Dana accuses her Five co-host Eric Bolling of shady ethics? In a made-for-TV moment yesterday, FNC Five co-host Dana Perino became unhinged as she attacked her co-host Eric Bolling over his defense of the latest entrant to the GOP presidential race, Donald Trump. The caustic exchange left Dana glowering into the camera and a non-too-amused Eric shaking his head at her.

Dana, W’s self-professed number one fan, may just have to recuse herself from the Five for the duration of the election if she is not too careful. The former White House press secretary of President George W. Bush, apparently, can not brook the thought of any unconventional Republican standing in the way of W’s little brother Jeb!‘s ascension to the throne. Approximately, two weeks ago, she was proclaiming that Jeb! basher Senator Rand Paul had “jumped the shark” and appeared gleeful to shiv this libertarian rival on the O’Reilly Factor: Today, she was happy to wield the mace to go at Eric and, by extension, Jeb!’s lastest critic, The Donald.

Actually, it was humorous in a schadenfreude fashion. In the “A block” yesterday [FNC vid], Dana seemed genuinely outraged that co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle and Eric would take the flamboyant billionaire seriously, especially, as to his saying he would build a southern border wall and make Mexico pay it.

In her “A block” segment, Kimberly said that Trump was adopting the “Walmart/Kmart approach” by getting the U.S. to “charge everybody for everything” to “make a profit in America”: Chiming in, Eric endorsed The Donald’s take on getting tough on Mexico (among other countries) and said that he was making the other candidates think. In response, Dana was aghast: Haltingly, she sputtered, “I don’t know what to say.”

Derisively, Dana remarked, “I understand…[that]…it feels good to hear that a President of the United States is going to bring back all of our jobs from China and Japan [but] it is so divorced from reality. As Eric turned toward her, she seemingly took a shot at him, saying, “I think you got to take this more seriously: At least, I do! And, I, I’m surprised at some of the people who actually think that some of this would work, especially, given that their other positions are that, for example, executive actions are not something that we should have; we should not have an imperial Presidency.”

Subsequently, co-hosts Greg Gutfeld and Juan Williams gave their takes, respectively, reducing Trump to an exemplar of hubris and showmanship. When Eric came to Trump’s defense, Juan rejoined, “If you’re a serious Republican, do you think that you are helped with him by having him on the same stage with you?” Eric exclaimed, “Yes! No, no: I don’t think you’re helped personally but I think the America people are helped because now they have to address some of the things that Donald Trump addresses that these guys [other candidates] don’t want to talk about.”

Jumping in, Dana scornfully asked, “[D]o you actually think that…the moderator [in a GOP debate] should say, ‘Mr. Rubio, Trump says that he is going to bring back all of the jobs from China: How do you respond?’ And, like all of the candidates are supposed to respond to that!” Then she snarked, “How actually is Donald Trump’s [sic] going to bring all of the jobs from China!”

Subsequently, turning to Eric, Dana acerbically queried, “How would you answer…’how you would bring all the jobs back from China?'” Eric replied, “First of all, I don’t that Donald ever said that he would bring back all of the jobs from China: But, he, he certainly would bring back some of the jobs from China.”

Outraged at Eric’s impertinence, Dana shouted, “He said it in his speech yesterday!” Accusatorily, she stuttered, “no, th, th, that, covering up for him is actually wrong! And, I understand that you have a deal that you’re trying to work on with him. I saw the Twitter last night! I just don’t see how that’s how any other journalist would be pandering.”

Incredulous, Eric replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Pointing her finger at Eric, Dana riposted, “Well, you said that you’ve been trying to close the deal for years to be on Celebrity Apprentice!”

As Greg cackled in the background, Eric replied, “Oh, my god, Dana!…I have been friendly with Donald Trump for fifteen years!” Scowling, Dana answered, “You’re the one who was shouting it from the rooftop yesterday!” Agitated all the more, Eric asked, “Are you actually saying that you are going to accuse me of saying that Donald Trump has some good ideas that are resonating with America because I want to be on Celebrity Apprentice?  Please tell me that’s not the case!”

Glowering at Eric, Dana barked, “I am saying that!”

In reply, Eric snapped, “I will tell you unequivocally that is not the case! I can’t be on Celebrity Apprentice anyway: I’m a host at Fox News. I’m not allowed to!…Seven years ago, Donald Trump came to Fox and said, Hey! Can he be on it? And, the boss said, ‘no he can’t!'”

Defending Eric’s honor, Kimberly chimed in saying, “He did ask!”

Still enraged at Dana’s slight, Eric exclaimed, “By the way, by the way, Dana, Dana, Dana, I have way more ethics…than to use this platform which I love!” When Kimberly tried to wrap her segment to end the acrimony, Eric sharply answered, “Stop!” Finishing his point, he said, “I love dearly this Five: I do! I was here from day one, and I hope to be day last!”

Caustically, Dana interrupted, “Oh, guess what! So was I!”

Ending the segment, Kimberly exclaimed, “I’ve had enough! Go to your rooms!”

Clearly ticked, Eric uttered, “Wow!”

As the final shot ended, an angry Dana glowered anew and a miffed Eric shook his head.

Calling into question Eric’s ethics, Dana? Wow! President George W. Bush, this is not your dad’s “kinder and gentler” FNC.

[Author’s aside: After the Five yesterday, Trump Tweeted, “Dear @kimguilfoyle, Thank you so much for your nice words today on @TheFive. Will not be forgotten!” The author has a feeling that Dana’s words may not be forgotten either.]

Gotta Laugh: Dana Pe-RINO Whine-o?

“And the Good News Is”: Rand Paul “has jumped the shark.” No surprise, George W. Bush’s self-proclaimed “number one fan” Dana Pe-Rino (as her Five co-anchor Eric Bolling former dubbed her) used her segment on the O’Reilly Factor to bash maverick Rand Paul, the libertarian, anti-establishment Republican from Kentucky. Now that W. has become more popular that the President in the latest poll, Dana is, apparently, trying to whack his brother Jeb’s rival Rand Paul with an inane allusion to the moment that Happy Days became irrelevant when Fonzi jumped the shark literally–and figuratively.

Dana may love Jasper and W.: But, she seemingly surely hates Ron Paul’s boy.The cute tomboy, who replaced dullard Scott McClellan, but who could never emulate the suave and debonair Ari Fleischer seems to be on a charm offensive on the Five and wherever she shows up on Fox News. But, if she is not careful, she should may well have to disclose her appearances as indirect donations to the the latest Bush iteration for President.

Tonight, on O’Reilly, Dana said that Rand has “jumped the shark.” Maybe, she is guilty of transference: Perchance, it is her beloved Bushes who have “jumped the shark.” After all, Jeb’s momma, Barbara Bush herself, said that the country had had “enough Bushes” in the White House.

“And the Good News Is”: Dana is a Bushie who herself may have jumped the shark as to her credibility with the GOP base.

[Author’s aside: “And the Good News Is” is a reference to Dana’s new book.]

Post-Op Elisabeth Returns

Hasselbeck: “No additions: only removals!” Fox & Friends co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck returned to the curvy couch Friday with much fanfare. In his pre-show tease, guest co-host Eric Bolling altered the usual tagline, saying, “Mornings are better with ‘Friends’ and Elisabeth.” Subsequently, as the camera panned in on Elisabeth, Eric, and co-anchor Steve Doocy, Steve sweetly intoned, “Studio E as in Elisabeth Hasselbeck.”

Kissing Elisabeth on the cheek, Steve queried, “You are back!…Where have you been?”

Elisabeth jested, “You know, just hanging out! That’s all!”

Turning serious, she answered, “Look…I’m so glad and thankful, really thankful to be back with all of you.” Elaborating, she said, “I had a bit of scare….I had a tumor [size of a tennis ball]* in my abdomen….Doctor said, ‘Look, you got to get it out by the end of the month: We don’t like how it looks.’ Explicating further, she said, “I did what they said….I had a scary week where we didn’t know what the results were but I’m okay….I had the blessing of it not being cancer….I got a clear and clean bill of health.”

Chiming in, Eric remarked, “So many prayers for you!” As he and Steve held her hand, Elisabeth responded, “I’m sorry my palms are sweaty but I know you guys love me like a sister [so] you understand.” Put the icing on the segment [pun intended], Steve asked, “You know what would make you happy right now? Cake!”

As one of the crew brought in a cake festooned in red, white, and blue, Steve exclaimed, “It’s a news channel so we got a cake from somebody in the news, Cake Boss.” Cooing, Elisabeth, responded, “Oh, and my favorite colors….Thank you, Cake Boss.” Bringing some snark to militate slightly against any treacle, Eric jibed, “Wherever you are!”

Concluding the segment, Elisabeth tearfully declared, “I don’t like a fuss: you know that! But, this is, this is a special day: I’m really, really thankful. I’m really thankful!” Subsequently, she thanked FNC honcho Roger Ailes for his support and threatened to “whipping on” co-host Brian Kilmeade anew “in some obstacle courses” after she healed. Perchance, addressing any Internet rumors, she playfully pointed to her breasts, proclaimed, “No additions, only removals happened while I was gone!”

“Clear and clean”: glad you are well, Elisabeth! Welcome back!

*F&F – 11/14/14 (@ 7:01 a.m. ET).

Unlike Kilmeade, Eric Mans Up: Apologizes

Bolling: “When I got home, I got the look!” Greta was right: Did The Five co-host Eric Bolling ever “get into so much trouble” for dismissing the ISIS-bombing U.A.E.’s first female fighter pilot as “Boobs on the ground” in a Five segment Wednesday! And, yesterday, he “manned” up and apologized for his offensive jest.

After Eric’s Five co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle introduced the “One More Thing” segment, she called on him immediately. Looking straight into the camera, Eric remarked, “Okay, for my ‘One More Thing’ tonight, I want to go back to yesterday: About this time, I made a joke. When I got home, I got the look–and realized [that] some people didn’t think it was funny at all: I said sorry to my wife, and I apologize to all of you as well.” For emphasis, he added, “I just want to make that very clear!”

If Eric’s apology were not very clear, Kimberly added, “And, you love women, and you have respect for them.” Chastened, Eric concurred, “And, I do.”

Kudos, Eric! Kilmeade could learn from you.

Eric & Greg: “Boobs on the Ground”?

Greta: “Ouch! Oh, man!…They’re going to get into so much trouble over that one!”* Yesterday, The Five co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle saluted a true “femme fatale,” U.A.E. ace Major Mariam Al Mansouri (during the “One Last Thing” segment): The U.A.E.’s first female pilot, who serves as squadron leader, led the American/Arab air strikes as she and the boys wreaked havoc on ISIS on the Syrian front. Instead of celebrating the Major in a part of the world where a woman sometimes cannot even drive and oft has to hide behind a burka, Kimberly’s co-hosts, Greg Gutfeld and Eric Bolling, acting like puerile, pubescent schoolboys, took cheap misogynistic shots.

After Kimberly had lauded Mansouri a/k/a “Lady Liberty” for “raining hell down on ISIS,” Greg jejunely jested, “The problem is after she bombed it, she, she couldn’t park it.” Chuckling, a less than clever Eric punned, “Would that be considered ‘boobs on the ground’ or no?” As Kimberly looked down in incredulity, even the ever bawdy co-anchor Bob Beckel looked on in disbelief, exclaiming, “Did you just say what I thought you said!””

“Boobs on the ground,” Eric? No, just boobs on The Five. And, not the nice kind.

[Author’s aside: The subtitle, supra, refers to the final segment on On the Record with Greta Van Susteren last night: As the show concluded, Greta remarked, “And, live TV, well it can be unpredictable like the discussion on The Five today about the U.A.E.’s first fighter pilot bombing ISIS. Ouch!” After playing the clip of The Five segment describing the aforementioned juvenile exchanges, Greta remarked, “Oh, man! Do you think that the gents on The Five minus Bob should get a do-over on that one? They’re going to get into so much trouble over that one!”]

Eric “Explains” Kid Diss: I’m a Dog Lover!

“I got beat up all day on…the Internet!” One more thing! During the final Five segment Monday, co-anchor Eric Bolling tried to “explain” away his dissing of viral sensation toddler Beau earlier in the day on Fox & Friends (vid). Introducing his “apology,” Eric showed a few pics of Beau and his puppy pal Theo adorably cuddling as they napped and then aired the F&F clip for which Carpe Diem gave him grief for incredibly asking a mother to give her grumpy toddler to someone off screen during an interview. After the snippet ran, Eric remarked, “So that was me recommending, ‘No…keep Theo the dog, and put Beau to the side. I got beat up all day on, on the Internet!”

Looking into the camera, Eric implored, “But, you have to understand something: I’m a dog lover!” Pointing toward the viewer, he continued, “Look at this picture someone sent to me. My brother-in-law sent this to me today. That’s Freedom and me.” As a picture of a big dog licking an eyes-closed Eric on the lips appeared on the screen, Jasper‘s “mum,” fellow co-host Dana Perino exclaimed, “Oh, my god” and co-anchor Greg Gutfeld gibed, “This is perverted!” Uncowed, Eric continued, “We are BFF’s. I love that dog!”

Eric’s explanation: Feeble at best. A red herring? Yes. But, at least, he tried!

Eric Bolling: F&F Bully? “I’m Sorry!”

Subbing for infamous F&F “child abuser” Brian Kilmeade, Eric gives cute kid the hook–but he is sorry.* On Fox & Friends this morning, Five co-host Eric Bolling took filling in for Brian, perhaps, a bit too seriously. As F&F fans may remember, Brian made two-year-old basketball phenom Titus Ashby cry when he carelessly rebounded a basketball for the toddler and inadvertently hit him in the nose with it [vid-07/11/13)]: Today, Eric may not have made a baby boy cry but he certainly had little tolerance for one who did (i.e., one who was more than understandably agitated at having to appear on national television at the ungodly time of 4:33 a.m. PT). To wit, incredibly, he asked a sleepy-eyed, cranky California child’s mom to hand him off to someone else off camera as their interview began. Oops!

In a segment scheduled far too early for man or beast on the Pacific Coast, mommy blogger Jessica Shyba appeared with her son Beau in one arm and her puppy Theo in the other. As producers aired the now viral adorable boy/pup nap-time pics, Beau and Theo began to tussle with each other–like two playfully bellicose brothers–as Shyba struggled to keep a handle on them both. Sympathetically, co-host Steve Doocy remarked, “Jessica, if you want to put one of them down, go ahead.”

Gratefully, Shyba responded “okay” as she handed the puppy to one out of the camera’s eye. As she did, Eric exclaimed, “No! Leave that one! Put the other one down! I’m just kidding!” Perchance, sensing that he, in truth, had not been jesting, Shyba handed her baby boy Beau to the person off cam and took back the puppy. Apparently, realizing his faux pas, Eric chuckled, “Ah, I, I was just kidding. I’m sorry!”

Later, when the interview began to end, Steve kindly asked, “You want to bring Beau in one last time just  for a ‘so long,’ or is he out of the room?” Chuckling uncomfortably, Eric interjected, “Yes!” Smiling, Shyba answered, “He’s out of the room.”

Subsequently, after co-anchor Elisabeth Hasselbeck thanked Shyba, Theo, and Beau for joining the co-hosts, Steve looked over at Eric with arched eyebrows and a questioning look. Reddening, Eric protested, “I was kidding! I was teasing!” Chastening Eric, Steve riposted, “What’s the matter with you!” Concurring, Elisabeth aptly concluded, “You’re giving a mom a hard time early in the morning. That is messed up!”

*Author’s aside: Eric Bolling’s “brother” Bob Beckel gave that moniker to Brian–to his great discomfit–when he subbed on the Five shortly after Brian’s ill-thrown pass to Titus.

Five’s Bolling: Hasselbeck Hotter than Gretchen?

F&F’s Kilmeade: Carlson “gets a week off and then she’s back in action.” Oops! FNC Five anchor Eric Bolling and Brian Kilmeade may have been a bit too candid about the co-host change at Fox & Friends and the debut date of Gretchen Carlson‘s new FNC show Thursday.

In the penultimate segment of the Five (September 12), Eric announced that blond beauty “Elisabeth Hasselbeck will join the [F&F] team” on the following Monday.* As a frequent F&F fill-in co-host, Eric seemed especially excited to have her aboard, exclaiming, “She’s definitely bringing up the hotness chart on, on the Fox & Friends.”** Appearing to catch Eric’s seemingly unwitting slight of Gretchen who would leave her seat on the curvy couch the very next day, Five co-anchor Andrea Tantaros groaned, “Hey! Ohhh!”

Coming to Gretchen’s seeming succor, also, Five co-host Dana Perino intoned, “I’m excited for Gretchen, too, because she’ll have a show, uh, I guess, sometime during the day.” Interjecting immediately, Five guest co-host Brian Kilmeade replied, “Yeah! Sometime during the day, they’re going to announce this week that she gets a week off and then she’s back in action.” Appearing to try to cover for Brian’s apparent faux pas, Dana asked, “Just a week?” Smiling sheepishly, Brian replied, “Yeah, I think.”

On Thursday, it was definitely five o’clock at Fox News: In vino veritas, Eric and Brian? Elisabeth might not mind but Gretchen just might.

*The Five – 09/12/13 (@ 5:49 p.m. ET).

**Ibid at @ 5:51 p.m. ET.

Five’s Beckel Unhinged: [Medgar] Evers “Turncoat”

Oops! Bob bizarrely loses his civil rights mantle cred. Today, the proud self-proclaimed son of a “liberal who went into the South and was arrested 57 times in the civil rights movement registering blacks” and who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., evidenced an appalling lack of knowledge when it came to a pivotal chapter in the nations history. During a segment on black Louisiana state senator Elbert Guillory who changed from the Democratic party to the GOP, Beckel tried to impugn him by trying to recall another black Louisiana “turncoat.” Unfortunately, for Bob, it backfired on him, his co-hosts, and The Five.

In the Five block moderated by co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle,* Bob tried to push-back when his more conservative co-hosts, Kimberly, Eric Bolling, and Greg Gutfeld appeared to defend Guillory’s decision. Looking down, Beckel declared, “Louisiana has had a long history–and I wish [that] I could remember the name of this guy whose brother was a very well known civil rights activist who was I think a Congressman. And, this guy converted to the Republican Party because he was paid to convert to the Republican Party to sift off the votes from the Democrats.”

After further discussion with his conservative co-hosts (including Dana Perino) of Guillory, Bob errantly announced, “I just remembered the name of the guy who was, his brother became a turncoat.”

Derisively, Kimberly enjoined, “[‘C]ause the control room gave it to you in your ear?”

Struggling mightily, Bob stammered, “Megan, Meg, Megan, Malcolm Evers’ brother, Charles Evers’ brother, Malcolm…got, got paid money to go on the Republican Party to sift off votes the Democrat.”

To make matters even worse, when Greg asked, “Were you bringing, why, to denigrate this man’s brave,” Bob declared, “I didn’t deny what this guy’s, what he was saying but Louisiana has a history of doing this. They have a history of doing it!”

Unfortunately, Bob’s bluster ruled the day on the Five. Perhaps, just as embarrassing or even more so, none of his co-anchors nor F&F‘s vaunted control room challenged his addled version of the civil rights struggle–in Mississippi!

Clearly, a muddled Bob was referring to the Mississippi civil rights martyr Medgar Evers and his activist older brother Charles Evers. It was Medgar who died at the hands of Byron Beckwith for the cause in June 11, 1963, and Charles who took his place as field secretary of the MS NAACP. Subsequently, Charles became the mayor of Fayette in 1963 (and the NAACP’s “Man of the Year”); a gubernatorial candidate; a U.S. Senate candidate: And, in 1989, Charles switched his allegiance to the GOP.

Today in Bob’s world, Louisiana and Mississippi looked alike: “Megan” Evers, “Malcolm” Evers, Charles Evers, Medgar Evers were all one and the same, too. Not quite the civil rights account of which Bob’s Dad would be rightly proud. Nor should Bob, his co-hosts, or The Five suits.

*The Five – 06/19/13 (@ 5:38 p.m. ET)

Sexy Kimberly Guilfoyle’s “Basic Instinct”

Juan Williams: “Wait! Wait! You’re distracting him!” Saucy Kimberly Guilfoyle scored on more than a few levels with her Five co-hosts and fans in her “bowdlerized” Basic Instinct display of last week. As Kimberly revealed her dominance in b’ball on Friday (06/07/13), she brought “rowwr power” to a whole new level.

In the Five segment designed to showcase the co-anchors shot-making prowess–or lack thereof (a la toddler Titus Ashby’s shellacking of Shaq on Jimmy Kimmel) co-hosts Kimberly, Juan, Eric Bolling, Andrea Tantaros and fill-in Brian Kilmeade took turns at throwing mini-basketballs at a small toy goal.* Starting off their friendly rivalry to see who could score the most points in twenty seconds, Brian supplied several balls to Kimberly. As the short-skirted lovely began to lob them at the basket with much success, Brian scurried to and fro to deliver them back to San Francisco’s comely former first lady.

Clapping enthusiastically, an adoring Juan exclaimed, “Yeah, Kimberly! Oh! Oh! Go, Kimberly, go! Rack ’em up!” As Kimberly eagerly scrambled for the balls and gave viewers and Brian a PG-rated Basic Instinct, she was given more than double the time that she had been actually allotted. As Kimberly began to score with alacrity, literally and figuratively, Five rival beauty Andrea exclaimed, “Who’s keeping score?”

Subsequently, an apparently addled Juan threw more than a few air balls in his ill-fated attempt to match Kimberly. When former Pittsburg Pirate draftee Eric Bolling tried to get his “game on,” comely Kimberly kicked her right gam up Rockette-style. Pointing to his gorgeous colleague, an ardent Juan declared, “Wait! Wait! You’re distracting him! You can’t kick your legs to distract him!”

Apparently, Kimberly must have done so. As Eric completed his feckless effort, Kimberly pulled her hiked skirt back down and raised her hands in triumph, exclaiming, “Oh, yeah! Wooh, hooh!” Subsequently, when Andrea begin her successful distaff attempt, Kimberly shouted, “Go! Girls rule! Yeah!” And, they did.

Futilely, sports guy Brian tried to compete thereafter with little success. When he had finished, he queried, “Do we have a winner, control room?” After the producers seemingly whispered in his ear, Brian declared, “Kimberly and Andrea have tied.” Apparently, abandoning his formerly “so hot” Andrea for the moment, Juan raised Kimberly’s hand high in the air in victory, proclaiming her “the champ.”

Sexy Kimberly Guilfoyle: “The girl [just] can’t help it!”

*The Five – 06/08/13 @5:40 p.m. ET (Saturday re-airing of prior day)

[Author’s aside: Sorry, CR readers for the delay: “Cleaning Out My Closet.”

Beckel Bawdy: Malkin Unamused

“Maligned” Tantaros: Don’t worry. I can handle carrots.” Five co-anchor Andrea Tantaros was almost unfazed by her co-anchor Bob Beckel who aimed his latest ribald remark squarely at her. In the penultimate segment of the Five yesterday about organic food, Andrea wielded an organic carrot and pointed it at Bob: never one to miss a moment to utter a double entendre, Bob cracked that she looked like she “could handle a hairy carrot.”* As a grinning Andrea rolled her eyes with her mouth agape in incredulity, the usually prim and proper co-anchor Dana Perino smiled and turned to co-host Eric Bolling, pleading, “Help him, Eric! Help him!”

Chuckling, Eric skillfully channeled the discussion back to the merits of organic veggies. As the segment began to conclude, Andrea, with her arms crossed in somewhat mock indignation, haltingly asked, “Are, you going to apologize?” Less than convincingly, Bob replied, “Yes, I apologize!” Grabbing a carrot from the plate, Bob protested, “But, that’s because you were waving it at my head!” As Andrea shook her head at yet another of his double entendres, Bob laughed, “My head? Whatever! I’m sorry!”

Clueless or wickedly clever, Dana interposed, “You remember the boneless chicken ranch?…The Far Side cartoon, Gary Larson did a thing about the boneless chicken ranch and the chickens were all like this [her head limp] over the fence.” Looking at Dana with a goatish gleam, an unrepentant Bob declared, “I’ve been to the Chicken Ranch [brothel (NSW)] in…Las Vegas. That sort of reminds me of a night of drinking.”

With her arms still crossed, Andrea acerbically announced, “That’s [a la boneless chicken necks] how you are going to be after this show!” Raising his voice, Bob riposted, “Alright, will you take it easy? You’re the one who talked about my–never mind!” Giggling, Andrea shook her anew at her bumbling, bumptious Bob.

Soon after the show, indignant Twitchy.com founder Michelle Malkin Tweeted, “NOT breaking: Bob Beckel said something sexually degrading and misogynist. And will get away with it. Again.” [Cf. Twitchy.com‘s “Gross: Serial misogynist Bob Beckel directs vulgar remark at Andrea Tantaros.” Seemingly, in response, Andrea Pooh-poohed the matter [comparing it to Brent Musburger’s BCS Miss Alabama mutterings], jesting, “Don’t worry. I can handle carrots, in fact so well that I hit Bob with them off screen. He’s applying for a job at ESPN as we speak.”

Apparently, Bob will be Bob. And, Andrea appears okay with that. Michelle? Not so much.

*The Five – 01/08/12 (@ 5:52 a.m. ET)

Dave M.I.A.: “With My Little Angel”

In the hospital? Today, an absent Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Dave Briggs watched his show from a certain undisclosed location–with a special young lady in his life. Cryptically, he Tweeted, “Thanks @ericbolling for filling in, watching you @ClaytonMorris @ainsleyearhardt w/my little angel lockerz.com/s/267345049.”

In Dave’s missive, he included a poignant photo of his ten-month-old daughter Logan. The beautiful little girl appeared to be sipping from a baby bottle in a hospital baby bed (as F&FW aired on a TV screen in the distance). No explanation was given–even to his concerned Twitter followers.

Hope your “little angel” is well, Dave. Or, gets well soon!

[Author’s aside: Even though the responses of Dave’s fans were available earlier in the day, they no longer appear to be as Twitter turned his “Details” to “More***.”]

Bob Beckel: “Did the Beeper Work?”

[That’s] what I’m really worried about.” B***s***? The Five fell strangely silent today during a “live” segment for approximately eleven seconds–with no explanation.* Displacing its polemic panel, an ominous “The Five” star graphic atop a blue background appeared suddenly onscreen. The ghost of Mrs. Grundy?

During this segment, his segment, co-host Eric Bolling posited that “President Obama a/k/a Mr. Transparent [was] rope-a-dope[ing] the press when asked about the Petraeus affair.” When guest co-anchor K.T. McFarland and co-host Bob Beckel began to debate whether President Obama was availing himself of “plausible deniability,” Eric acerbically interjected, “What you really don’t want is the President of the United States to lie, in fact.” Without warning nor explanation, the audio was muted and the screen went blue (with “The Five” star).

After about twelve seconds had elapsed, The Five co-hosts reappeared seemingly tacitly attesting to the rude interruption: Kimberly Guilfoyle laughed as she hid her face in her left hand; Greg Gutfeld chuckled to himself and looked over at Bob in amusement; K.T.  tried to keep her composure as she looked straight ahead and blinked her eyes rapidly; Bob looked into the distance with his mouth agape; and Eric appeared to try to read the teleprompter with feigned gravity.

After praising the military who stood apart from their perchance rogue rakish leaders, Eric seemed to question the credibility of the sexy socialite Jill Kelly who allegedly ignited the inquery and laughing asked roue Bob if he had ever known such an “honorary consul general.” Looking over at Eric, Bob jested, “What I’m really concerned about is did the beeper work?”

Apparently, loathe to acknowledge that The Five might not be exactly live anymore, Eric monotoned, “Did the beeper work?” Slightly smiling, Bob anwered, “Yeah.” Softly, Kimberly unconvincingly interposed, “No.”

Then, as if a producer had whispered in her ear to change the topic posthaste, Kimberly animatedly stammered, “Listen! The beep, this is a woman that I thing we’re going to learn a lot more about.” Tellingly, Greg glanced at the panel bemusedly, chuckled to himself, and beamed back at someone offset.

In the following segment, Greg appeared to translucently reveal the secret of the censored segment. Re President Obama’s view of whether climate change caused Hurricane Sandy, Greg defiantly declared, “He even admits finally  that that’s baloney–or b.s.!”** As Greg began to address Bob, a chuckling Eric looked up from his papers, exclaiming, “Don’t say it!”

Don’t say it indeed, Bob. At least, on air!

*The Five – 11/14/12 (@ 5:19 a.m. ET).

**Ibid at @ 5:29 a.m. ET.

Ainsley Admits: “Yes, I’m Getting Married”

Finally! FNC anchor Ainsley Earhardt acknowledged on Fox & Friends Monday that she is indeed wedding anew. But, it should come as no surprise to her fans, at least, her Carpe Diem ones, who should have suspected that the single Southern belle was no longer lonely. Approximately two months earlier, CD reported that that Ainsley had Tweeted an Fox & Friends First pic of her with an apparent wedding ring on her left finger: Further, it noted that exactly two weeks earlier she had interviewed and joined Nikki Glor a/k/a Nikki Fitness in an F&FF fitness segment entitled, “Wedding Workout: Exercise to Get You Ready for the Big Day.” And, now, Ainsley has made her new engagement status official.

On Monday, Ainsley made her connubial announcement as the very first block of F&FF concluded Monday. When she had finished reading the headline news which ended with a story about Jennifer Aniston’s new engagement for a second marriage, fellow guest co-host Eric Bolling wryly remarked, “The second most important wedding coming up.” Sitting back and smiling coyly, Ainsley haltingly asked, “I know. Oh, the second most important?” Before Eric could answer, anchor Steve Doocy interjected, “After yours!” Beaming broadly and ducking her head demurely, a reddening Ainsley declared, “Yes, I’m getting married.”

Congratulations, Ainsley! But, who’s the lucky fellow?

[Author’s aside: Eric’s premature proclamation? Perhaps. Even though Ainsley twice Tweeted (1, 2) Monday about the show, she failed to mention the good news to her Twitter followers.]

Fox & Friends – 08/13/12 (@ 6:12 a.m. ET)

“Free P*ssy” Penalty: Bob Beckel Apologizes

“I’m very sorry….I’m gonna be quiet now.” Today, The Five co-host Bob Beckel apologized for his “foul” mouth and announced that he would be having the day off tomorrow because of it. As Carpe Diem reported Monday, an apoplectic Bob incoherently stammered “free, pre p*ssy” when he was defending President Obama’s purported disdain for his GOP opponent Mitt Romney. (A day later, after reviewing Johnny Dollar’s video of the incident, HuffPo aptly opined that Bob was “referring to…Reince Preibus,” the GOP National Chairman.)

This afternoon, during the final Five segment, a chastened Bob declared, “My ‘one more thing’ is to say, ‘I’m off tomorrow and that’s going to make me happy and…a lot of conservatives out there happy. I need a break because lately on this show…my mouth has been moving a little bit too much and sometimes dumb things–which is surprising for a MENSA guy–comes [sic] out of it.”

As his co-host Eric Bolling laughed off camera, Bob continued, “Last night when I was checking Twitter, I saw that some people out there were offended by something I said.”

Then, raising his palms in a mea culpa, Bob declared, “Now, I’m not going to say it again but I want to say to those who were offended, ‘I’m very sorry.’ That’s the last you’re going to hear that. I’m going to be quiet now.” Announcing anew Fox News’ apparent one-day sanction, Bob added, “I’ll see you on Friday.”