A F&F First: Nudity Allowed

“I’m so wasted!” Ainsley Earhardt and Heather Childers naked? For their naturalist viewers, the Fox & Friends First co-hosts made au naturel all natural.

Without warning, blond beauties Ainsley and Heather introduced a NSFW Watter’s World “Political Accomplishment Edition” segment by Jesse Watters to arouse their audience in the early morn to a little porn (April 04/14).* It was Jesse’s usual schtick of embarrassing hapless and clueless hotties and/or eccentrics about current events: This time, he ended his report with an interviewee who said that he was not yet “wasted” and a scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High [NSFW clip (0.17/0.19)] of Jeff Spicoli (Sean Penn) who assuredly was. In the naughty vid, Spicoli proclaims, “I’m so wasted!”: On the wall in the background, there are two apparent Playboy pinup lovelies flaunting their full frontal nudity.

As the segment ended, Ainsley exclaims, “Oh, my word! Interesting!” Chuckling, Heather replied, “You never know what you’re going to get!”

Indeed, Ainsley and Heather! Playboy pinups on air? Another Fox & Friends First!

[Author’s aside: “Cleaning out my closet” [vid] as Eminem might say: Sorry, CD readers, that I did not get this F&FF story to you earlier.]

*Fox & Friends First – 04/14/15 (@ 5:19 a.m. ET).

Aly’s Back: Back Again!

Aly on New Day: Fox & Fiends? Today, former Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota vied with her FNC usurper F&F co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck: The erstwhile queen of the F&FW curvy couch had a new perch, i.e., one of the New Day reflecting-table chairs. Unfortunately, Aly could not do battle with Elizabeth on quite equal footing: After all, it was ND, the latest version of the CNN morning show that seems not yet to fathom that the dawn is a time for edutainment (not a boring retro rendition of “straight news”).

Inviting a former “fiend” into the CNN camp as ND began, co-host Chris Cuomo introduced Aly, saying, “We welcome Alisyn Camerota, joining us. Thank you for being with us this morning.”

In response to Chris (and newsreader Michaela Pereira), Aly exclaimed, “My pleasure! Great to be with both of you!”

And, it was a pleasure for the ND audience as well. At last, Chris’s match was sitting next to him–no schoolgirl who was continuously vying for his attention and approbation: This Italian lady in red was more than ready for Mario Cuomo’s media scion. Even though she playfully wondered if she could “remember how to do” morning TV in a Tweet to her followers, she proved anew that she has the “A” game for morning news–even if Bill Shine inanely snubbed her for his team.

As the show ended, Aly clearly had won Chris over: Like a schoolboy, he was giving Aly googly eyes (and bumping her affectionately), declaring, “It’s great to have you here, by the way.” Smiling at her new admirer, Aly answered, “Thank you so much. Great to be here. I’m going to see you guys tomorrow!” As if playfully pulling her pigtails on the playground, Chris responded, “What! I have to talk to management!” Coquettishly, Aly purred, “Can’t scare me away, Cuomo!”

“Guess who’s back: Back again!” Aly: at least, for tomorrow. And, hopefully, for a long time to come.

Stormy Maria: Inked Pink!

Molina reveals her secret “tart tatt”–nine months late. For Carpe Diem fans of the Fox News weather gal Maria Molina, a/k/a “Cosmo’s caliente Latina,” the revelation was a long time coming. Over nine months ago, the author noted the barbed pink/red ringlet adorning Maria, Tweeting her, “[I]s that a red “barb” tattoo or a beauty mark on your left wrist?” Not a word from the Nicaraguan nymph: Perhaps, the demure beauty thought that FNC was a tatt-free zone and she did not want to be dispatched posthaste like her comely “spanked and spurned” predecessor Domenica Davis.

Nevertheless, Monday, F&F newsreader Heather Nauert outed the demure damsel on F&F‘s After the Show Show. During the episode entitled, “Hidden talents,” with Maria, Heather, and co-hosts, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Steve Doocy, on the curvy couch,  Heather abruptly turned to Maria, teasing, “Give me your hand here! Give me your hand! What is that on your wrist?”*

Embarrassed, Maria initially pulled her arm away from Heather: Then, complying, she gave her hand to Heather. Subsequently, Heather (and Elisabeth) turned Maria’s arm for all of her F&F fans to see the reddish pink symbol inked on her wrist. Interjecting, Steve intoned, “Wait! Wait!…Oh, look at that: it’s a stamp!”

Chiming in, Heather added, “It looks like she was at a little club.”

Chagrined, Maria admitted, “It’s a tattoo.” Shyly, she subsequently explained, “It’s actually a tropical storm.” Then, she added, “It’s supposed to be Hurricane Andrew. And, that’s the reason I became a meteorologist.”

Sounds good–at least, to the parents. But, for ardent acolytes of the smoldering Maria Molina, her explanation seems almost too convenient. For those votaries of a tropical stormy Maria, her symbol looks almost a little like the inchoate etchings of Pamela Anderson’s racy barbed wire.

To quote Eminem, “Maybe, that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.” Maria, “love the way you lie.” Or, not.

[Author’s aside: Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler weighs in? “Pink is my favorite color.”]

*A.S.S. (12/16/13) – @ 03:08/04:20

H/t: J$P. (Steve Doocy’s “shout-out” to J$.)

F&FW: Fox & Friends “Weakend”

Since she’s been gone. Hit the snooze button or grab a mimosa! Since the queen of the curvy couch Alisyn Camerota left Fox & Friends Weekend, the formerly must-see weekend morning news show has become almost a soporific sedative for even its most ardent acolytes.

About the only time the F&FW fan can now easily escape the embrace of the arms of Morpheus is whenever newbie blonde beauty Anna Kooiman delivers her “shot of expresso” as she frenetically frolics in one of her fun, frisky features [e.g., Cirque du Soleil “Wild Thing” (vid), “funkadelic” turbo-kicking tutor (vid), or leather-clad Daisy-Duke-driving wannabee (vid)]. Otherwise, the F&FW viewer is too oft served up a tepid potation of pontifical palaver by F&FW‘s new alpha male Tucker Carlson (whenever he deigns to appear on the curvy couch) or a similarly impotent echo from his now best beta bud Clayton Morris (when he is not aptly opining as the tech geek in residence).

Including FNC meteorologist Rick Reichmuth, F&FW “Three Men and a Baby”? Nah, “Three Boys and a Babe.” To paraphrase the inimitable Eminem, “It seems so empty without [Aly]!”

Sexy Kimberly Guilfoyle’s “Basic Instinct”

Juan Williams: “Wait! Wait! You’re distracting him!” Saucy Kimberly Guilfoyle scored on more than a few levels with her Five co-hosts and fans in her “bowdlerized” Basic Instinct display of last week. As Kimberly revealed her dominance in b’ball on Friday (06/07/13), she brought “rowwr power” to a whole new level.

In the Five segment designed to showcase the co-anchors shot-making prowess–or lack thereof (a la toddler Titus Ashby’s shellacking of Shaq on Jimmy Kimmel) co-hosts Kimberly, Juan, Eric Bolling, Andrea Tantaros and fill-in Brian Kilmeade took turns at throwing mini-basketballs at a small toy goal.* Starting off their friendly rivalry to see who could score the most points in twenty seconds, Brian supplied several balls to Kimberly. As the short-skirted lovely began to lob them at the basket with much success, Brian scurried to and fro to deliver them back to San Francisco’s comely former first lady.

Clapping enthusiastically, an adoring Juan exclaimed, “Yeah, Kimberly! Oh! Oh! Go, Kimberly, go! Rack ’em up!” As Kimberly eagerly scrambled for the balls and gave viewers and Brian a PG-rated Basic Instinct, she was given more than double the time that she had been actually allotted. As Kimberly began to score with alacrity, literally and figuratively, Five rival beauty Andrea exclaimed, “Who’s keeping score?”

Subsequently, an apparently addled Juan threw more than a few air balls in his ill-fated attempt to match Kimberly. When former Pittsburg Pirate draftee Eric Bolling tried to get his “game on,” comely Kimberly kicked her right gam up Rockette-style. Pointing to his gorgeous colleague, an ardent Juan declared, “Wait! Wait! You’re distracting him! You can’t kick your legs to distract him!”

Apparently, Kimberly must have done so. As Eric completed his feckless effort, Kimberly pulled her hiked skirt back down and raised her hands in triumph, exclaiming, “Oh, yeah! Wooh, hooh!” Subsequently, when Andrea begin her successful distaff attempt, Kimberly shouted, “Go! Girls rule! Yeah!” And, they did.

Futilely, sports guy Brian tried to compete thereafter with little success. When he had finished, he queried, “Do we have a winner, control room?” After the producers seemingly whispered in his ear, Brian declared, “Kimberly and Andrea have tied.” Apparently, abandoning his formerly “so hot” Andrea for the moment, Juan raised Kimberly’s hand high in the air in victory, proclaiming her “the champ.”

Sexy Kimberly Guilfoyle: “The girl [just] can’t help it!”

*The Five – 06/08/13 @5:40 p.m. ET (Saturday re-airing of prior day)

[Author’s aside: Sorry, CR readers for the delay: “Cleaning Out My Closet.”

Purring Aly Cat: “With…a Leash in My Teeth?”

C.O.M.A. today: But, Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota decidedly heated up the set last Sunday with her wicked game. After a cute headline news story with a dog walking a horse by a lead, co-host Clayton Morris pruriently queried, “You ever walk a stallion like that?” Always one to enjoy a double entendre, Aly coquettishly riposted, “With, with, uh, a leash in my teeth?” Pausing for affect, she bawdily added, “No, I haven’t. Strangely!” As she chuckled heartily at her own Mae West wit, a goatish Clayton grinned as their almost clueless co-host Tucker Carlson remarked, “Well, I have.”

*Fox & Friends Sunday – 06/02/13 (@ 6:31 a.m. ET)

[Author’s aside: C.O.M.A. double entendre explained: “Cleaning Out My Attic”— and coma (dull day today).]

Guess Who’s Back: Ali’s Back!

To the tune of Eminem’s “Without Me,” Ali “Shady” Velshi returned yesterday to American Morning to tout his prime time special, “Gimme My Money Back.” Oddly, he was aping AM’s co-anchor John Roberts’ tieless look: not a good look for H-POD, the Hairless Prophet of Doom. Roberts was psyched to have his sartorial acolyte Ali back and gave him a Barack bump to celebrate his return. In fact, Roberts robustly gave him an awkward second knuckle knock when Aly told him that he would return for a whole week (in about two weeks). Co-host Kiran Chetry looked on with bemused amusement at Roberts’ juvenile gesticulation.