Eric Bolling: F&F Bully? “I’m Sorry!”

Subbing for infamous F&F “child abuser” Brian Kilmeade, Eric gives cute kid the hook–but he is sorry.* On Fox & Friends this morning, Five co-host Eric Bolling took filling in for Brian, perhaps, a bit too seriously. As F&F fans may remember, Brian made two-year-old basketball phenom Titus Ashby cry when he carelessly rebounded a basketball for the toddler and inadvertently hit him in the nose with it [vid-07/11/13)]: Today, Eric may not have made a baby boy cry but he certainly had little tolerance for one who did (i.e., one who was more than understandably agitated at having to appear on national television at the ungodly time of 4:33 a.m. PT). To wit, incredibly, he asked a sleepy-eyed, cranky California child’s mom to hand him off to someone else off camera as their interview began. Oops!

In a segment scheduled far too early for man or beast on the Pacific Coast, mommy blogger Jessica Shyba appeared with her son Beau in one arm and her puppy Theo in the other. As producers aired the now viral adorable boy/pup nap-time pics, Beau and Theo began to tussle with each other–like two playfully bellicose brothers–as Shyba struggled to keep a handle on them both. Sympathetically, co-host Steve Doocy remarked, “Jessica, if you want to put one of them down, go ahead.”

Gratefully, Shyba responded “okay” as she handed the puppy to one out of the camera’s eye. As she did, Eric exclaimed, “No! Leave that one! Put the other one down! I’m just kidding!” Perchance, sensing that he, in truth, had not been jesting, Shyba handed her baby boy Beau to the person off cam and took back the puppy. Apparently, realizing his faux pas, Eric chuckled, “Ah, I, I was just kidding. I’m sorry!”

Later, when the interview began to end, Steve kindly asked, “You want to bring Beau in one last time just  for a ‘so long,’ or is he out of the room?” Chuckling uncomfortably, Eric interjected, “Yes!” Smiling, Shyba answered, “He’s out of the room.”

Subsequently, after co-anchor Elisabeth Hasselbeck thanked Shyba, Theo, and Beau for joining the co-hosts, Steve looked over at Eric with arched eyebrows and a questioning look. Reddening, Eric protested, “I was kidding! I was teasing!” Chastening Eric, Steve riposted, “What’s the matter with you!” Concurring, Elisabeth aptly concluded, “You’re giving a mom a hard time early in the morning. That is messed up!”

*Author’s aside: Eric Bolling’s “brother” Bob Beckel gave that moniker to Brian–to his great discomfit–when he subbed on the Five shortly after Brian’s ill-thrown pass to Titus.

Sexy Kimberly Guilfoyle’s “Basic Instinct”

Juan Williams: “Wait! Wait! You’re distracting him!” Saucy Kimberly Guilfoyle scored on more than a few levels with her Five co-hosts and fans in her “bowdlerized” Basic Instinct display of last week. As Kimberly revealed her dominance in b’ball on Friday (06/07/13), she brought “rowwr power” to a whole new level.

In the Five segment designed to showcase the co-anchors shot-making prowess–or lack thereof (a la toddler Titus Ashby’s shellacking of Shaq on Jimmy Kimmel) co-hosts Kimberly, Juan, Eric Bolling, Andrea Tantaros and fill-in Brian Kilmeade took turns at throwing mini-basketballs at a small toy goal.* Starting off their friendly rivalry to see who could score the most points in twenty seconds, Brian supplied several balls to Kimberly. As the short-skirted lovely began to lob them at the basket with much success, Brian scurried to and fro to deliver them back to San Francisco’s comely former first lady.

Clapping enthusiastically, an adoring Juan exclaimed, “Yeah, Kimberly! Oh! Oh! Go, Kimberly, go! Rack ’em up!” As Kimberly eagerly scrambled for the balls and gave viewers and Brian a PG-rated Basic Instinct, she was given more than double the time that she had been actually allotted. As Kimberly began to score with alacrity, literally and figuratively, Five rival beauty Andrea exclaimed, “Who’s keeping score?”

Subsequently, an apparently addled Juan threw more than a few air balls in his ill-fated attempt to match Kimberly. When former Pittsburg Pirate draftee Eric Bolling tried to get his “game on,” comely Kimberly kicked her right gam up Rockette-style. Pointing to his gorgeous colleague, an ardent Juan declared, “Wait! Wait! You’re distracting him! You can’t kick your legs to distract him!”

Apparently, Kimberly must have done so. As Eric completed his feckless effort, Kimberly pulled her hiked skirt back down and raised her hands in triumph, exclaiming, “Oh, yeah! Wooh, hooh!” Subsequently, when Andrea begin her successful distaff attempt, Kimberly shouted, “Go! Girls rule! Yeah!” And, they did.

Futilely, sports guy Brian tried to compete thereafter with little success. When he had finished, he queried, “Do we have a winner, control room?” After the producers seemingly whispered in his ear, Brian declared, “Kimberly and Andrea have tied.” Apparently, abandoning his formerly “so hot” Andrea for the moment, Juan raised Kimberly’s hand high in the air in victory, proclaiming her “the champ.”

Sexy Kimberly Guilfoyle: “The girl [just] can’t help it!”

*The Five – 06/08/13 @5:40 p.m. ET (Saturday re-airing of prior day)

[Author’s aside: Sorry, CR readers for the delay: “Cleaning Out My Closet.”