Fox & “Fiends” Halloween

What was in Fox & Fiends Weekend witches’ brew this morning? According to the author’s recollections still clouded by this intriguing intoxicant, the odd ingredients were co-anchor Clayton Morris’ missing wedding ring, Rick Reichmuth’s piece of chocolate corset, and Dave Briggs’s drink of Cosmo with a dance by Alisyn Camerota to conjure up the potion’s magic. Eerily, this strange and powerful potation seemed to have worked its evil, making a “show about nothing” eminently watchable.

Seemingly, the first element placed into the blackened kettle was Clayton’s wedding band to add a golden glow. (If so, his wife Sara may not be overly pleased.) Apparently, the second was Rick’s strip of chocolate cloth torn from a maiden’s bodice. (Viewers, whether F&F’s meteorologist did indeed lick the young New York Chocolate Show model’s corset as proffered has yet to be determined.) Then Dave seemed to have added a glass of his Sex and the City fave Cosmo. (During the show, he seemed to have enjoyed its effects as he transmogrified from a mild-mannered family guy to a zany Kramer nailing the Seinfeld character’s speech, mannerisms, and dance.)* For the diabolic denouement, the bewitching damsel Aly did her Elaine dance before the final curtain call.

An unforgettable show? Perhaps, so. Dear reader, when the evil elixir wears off, hopefully, the author can remember these things if they were so.

*[For a snippet of Dave doing Kramer, cf. the A.S.S.]

Courtney Friel Resurrected

Happy Halloween from Courtney Friel, Fox News’ Morticia! Dressed in black, the former blond bikini Maxim model, seemingly, came back to life on the Live Desk today after her disappearance on September 3 (according to Inside Cable News).* However, like an apparition, her presence was strangely short-lived after she introduced a sound bite mid-story that failed to materialize.

Welcome back, Courtney! Maybe, you can stick around for a while next time.

*Live Desk – 10/30/09 (@2:37 p.m. ET)

John’s Halloween “Honey”

This Halloween Eve American Morning co-anchor John Roberts had his mind on the treats, not the tricks this morning. Deliciously and ironically so! As AM returned from a break almost mid-show with a shot of Charlotte, NC, to the tune of the Cure’s “Friday I’m in Love,” John announced, “Cloudy and fifty-eight degrees right now. Mostly honey with the sun.”

Co-host Kiran Chetry interjected, “Mostly honey? Hey! What’s on your mind this morning?” Laughing, John remarked, “Oh! What am I thinking about? It’s Friday. What the heck!” He chuckled heartily and smacked himself on the cheek with his rolled-up papers in mock censure. Beaming and looking straight into the camera, apparently, to his reported flame, CNN anchor Kyra Phillips, John said, “Hey, Honey!”

With a mischievous grin and a gleam in her eye, Kiran waved, “Hi, Honey!” Raising her eyebrows and then winking wickedly, she added, “It going to be mostly honey today.” Chuckling, John looked down, shook his head, and smacked it twice more.

Was your day off yesterday that sweet, John?

[Ironically, Kiran had a similar “honey” moment with former CNN legal eagle Sunny Hostin last year around this very time.]

Alina: AM’s “China Doll”?

American Morning guest co-host Alina Cho? Unbelievable. Truly! For some strange reason, the first generation daughter of Korean parents  seems to feel that she must look and be perfect–at all times.

Oft, in her appearance, she does not fall far from the mark with her sharp stiletto stilts and the rest of her haut couture habit. Of course, the notable exception is when she dangles her garish “ping-pong” necklaces around her neck like an albatross. Whereas fashion correspondent Lola Ogunnaike was AM’s “recessionista,” Alina is its Tiffany demoiselle.

In fact, during the segments with biz correspondent Christine Romans and co-host Kiran Chetry, one could almost hear the strains of David Bowie’s “China Girl.” In the first one, Christine kidded Alina about seeming to be a “nice white wine drinker.” In the second, Kiran teased her about her propensity to spend lavishly on herself. However, it was not her mien or garb that garnered the author’s attention this time: It was what she said.

As Christine’s second spot concluded, Alina asked, “Did California governor Arnold Swartzenegger slip a hidden and obscene message into his letter to state lawmakers?…There are seven lines in this note. And, if you’re good at those word-finder puzzles, you’re going to notice that the first letter in each line spells out ‘F,’ dash, dash, dash, Y-O-U. You can fill it in.” She added, “Well, the lawmaker who recently heckled the governor sponsored the bill in question so that may explain that coincidence….” Then sounding like the small-town garden club prez who “splains” herself after sharing a scurrilous rumor, Alina remarked, “But, I mean, it’s interesting. I don’t know if I believe it.”

[Carpe Diem reader, actually, the vertical acronym in Swartzenegger’s missive spelled out “I-F-*-*-*-Y-O-U.” N.B. The sponsor of the vetoed legislation was Assemblyman Tom Ammiano who had earlier told the former Mr. Universe to “kiss my gay ass.” Coincidence? You make the call.]

Chris “Quiets” Kiran

Although the Twitter followers of American Morning co-host Kiran Chetry (recently Tweet reticent) may want to hear more from her, her hubby Chris Knowles does not. At least, that is, after 8:57 p.m. ET tonight. [The World Series between Chris’ Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Yankees begins at that time.]

Today, initially, Kiran did not appear ready to fully embrace her new role as baseball widow. In fact, as AM co-anchor John Roberts read a headlines story about the Phillies trying to repeat their championship bid this year, Kiran remarked, “My husband said to me yesterday, ‘Don’t speak to me after 7:57.” Then when she segued to meteorologist Rob Marciano, she asked, “Would you ever tell your wife, ‘Don’t talk to me after 7:57?'” Rob replied, “No, I wouldn’t do that.”

Looking straight into the camera as if to Chris, Kiran responded. “See that!” Rob elaborated, “But, you know as you go along in a marriage, I think you get a little bit more leeway with that kind of talk.” Kiran laughed. Rick continued, “So, I think, you know, maybe, CK gets away with that stuff.”

When Rob tossed back to Kiran and John, a somewhat unctuously sympathetic John queried, “He really said, ‘Don’t talk to me after 7:57?” Kiran answered, “I think he was kidding.” Seeming to relish albeit ostensibly bemoaning Chris’ assertiveness, Kiran explained, “Well, first he said, ‘What are you making me to eat for the game.’ Then he said that.” Seemingly surprised, a smiling John gritted his teeth, arched his eyebrows, and mouthed, “What!” Kiran giggled with girlish glee.

Perhaps, after the game, Chris will “let” Kiran talk, or, at least, purr!

Shep: “Mile-High Club” Pilots?

For the second day in a row, Studio B‘s Shepard Smith has intimated that the errant Northwest pilots may not have been on their laptops in the cockpit. However, he seemed to suggest that their “laptops” may have been otherwise occupied. I.e., they may have busy joining the V.I.P. section of the Mile High Club.

As Live Desk co-anchors Martha MacCallum and Trace Gallagher segued to Shep for his show this afternoon, Shep asked, “Trace, what do you think they were doing in that cockpit?”* Chuckling, Martha interjected, “I’ll tell you later!” Trace then replied, “I have my own theories: I just can’t say on national television.”

Suggestively, Shep responded, “I bet everybody’s thinking them.” Persuaded to share, Trace answered, “Yeah. They were saying the flight attendants were banging on the door. And, you’re like, were they trying to get in or trying to get [out]?” Racily, Martha added, “They were busy!” With a mischievous smile and a goatish gleam in his eye, Shep remarked, “They were a mile high!”

Grinning, Trace echoed, “They were a mile high, my man.” Looking down, Martha agreed, “They were!” Shep wantonly concluded, “Not that there’s a club but they were a mile high. More even.”

Live Desk – 10/27/09 (@2:59 p.m.)

Beck Sources: Rahm Moving On

According to Glenn Beck (host of FNC’s highly rated and rather controversial Glenn Beck Show) on Fox & Friends this morning, Rahm Emanuel’s days as chief of staff for President Obama are numbered. When was asked about the Chamber of Commerce inviting Emanuel to speak on November 4th (by co-anchor Gretchen Carlson), he replied, “You have one of the guys who has done…such an amazingly bad job on strategy recently that my sources tell me, ‘Rahm is going to be, Rahm is going to be moving some place.'”* He jested, “Maybe, he’s focusing on the future or something.”

Later, F&F co-host Brian Kilmeade asked, “Let me just follow up with something you just said before. And, you just said [that] you heard Rahm’s going to be moved. He could be moving out?” Shaking his heading and smiling impishly, he deadpanned, “I don’t know where that, that’s, that’s just me off the top of my head.” Not satisfied with his response, an incredulous Brian replied, “Oh, really?” Echoing Brian’s sentiment, Gretchen laughed, “Yeah, right, Glenn!”

Beck did not elaborate further.

*F&F (10/27/09) – @7:08 a.m.

A.M. Mammary Memories (More of Zain)

American Morning co-host John Roberts ribaldly recalls yet again Zain Verjee’s ample melons. After a Jeanne Moos segment featuring Improv Everywhere singing in a store’s produce section, co-anchor Kiran Chetry commented, “That never happens at my grocery store. How about you?” Randily John replied, “Well, there was that time Zain Verjee appeared in the produce department of a store.”

[For the reader who may not recollect, Zain Verjee appeared on an American Morning “Great Grocery Challenge” segment memorialized by Jon Stewart on his Comedy Central Daily Show. As she was interviewed by guest co-host Kyra Phillips in the produce aisle, Kyra racily remarked, “Nice melon [pause] behind you there!” Also present, a suddenly reddened John whirled around in disbelief and declared, “Whoa!”]

Looking lustily up with almost a leer, John chortled, “I remember fondly back on that.” Grinning, Kiran risquely added, “That’s right. It made everybody very hungry for watermelon, right?” John smiled broadly, chuckled, and remained wisely silent.*

Well, it is that frisky early A.M.!

AM – 10/27/08 (6:55 a.m. ET)

Williams: Wallace “Wacky”?

Fairly balanced? Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace may have abided being called to account by former Prez Bill Clinton (for allegedly being a Fox shill doing a conservative hit job on Clinton). However, he was somewhat more sensitive when Fox’s very own, i.e., Juan Williams, took him to task on the public option.

During FNS’s segment on Obamacare, Wallace declared, “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi [is] keeping hope alive for a government-run health insurance as a central feature of health care reform,” He further asserted, “It seems like it was only a week ago that everybody in this town said that the public option was dead. Turning to the panel, he asked, “[W]hat happened?”

When Williams’ time came, he sharply stated, “First of all, let me say, the premise of this question is just wacky.” After he and fellow panelist Bill Kristol subsequently debated the matter at length, Wallace declared, “Enough! Enough!” and added, “I’m tired of asking my wacky question.” As the segment concluded, he thanked the panel: Then, seemingly, still smarting somewhat, he glanced at Williams, threw up his hands, and said, “Sorry I asked a wacky question.”*

*FNC (Fox News Sunday) – 10/25/09 (12:55 p.m. ET)

Briggs: “Shameless” Garth Groupie

From the man who said, “There’s not much to me that tops waking up to Lee Greenwood,” it came as no great shock: Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Dave Briggs is a Garth Brooks groupie. After a headlines story that the country singer had sold out twenty shows in five hours, Dave revealed, “My favorite entertainer of all time!” To which, co-host Alisyn Camerota readily replied, “That does not surprise me.”

Co-anchor Clayton Morris mocked, “You [Dave] like it when he comes down on the wires. Like [sic] he swoops down, he gets all weepy.” Unapologetic, Dave declared, “I camped out for Garth Brooks as a young man. I love it. Every album, every song right here is in my I-Phone. I love him. I love him!”

In an effort to enlist meteorologist Rick Reichmuth in ribbing Dave further, Clayton said, “That’s the difference between…Rick, I camped out for Pink Floyd. What did you camp out for? However, unexpectedly coming to his office mate’s defense, Rick responded, “I actually, Garth Brooks is the…guy who got me into country music. He did. It’s amazing. He’s good!” Dave enthusiastically concurred, “Oh, me, too! He rocks!”

“Shameless,” Dave!

Three “Single” Days

What Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor has been missing his/her wedding ring for the last three days in a row? Yes, co-host Alisyn Camerota has hers on as usual, keeping her male admirers at an appropriate distance. Uncharacteristically, colleague Dave Briggs has worn his all three days: His wife Brandi must be handing it to him as he’s headed out the door. Strangely, it is Clayton Morris who has been conspicuously missing his wedding band Friday, Saturday, and today. Does Sarah need to start minding her boy, too?

Game Gretchen: “Hubby, Daddy”

Today Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Gretchen Carlson gave a saucy “shout-out” to her hubby Casey Close. After co-anchor Steve Doocy defended his use of the term “mommy” for his wife during a “Don’t Say That!” segment (featuring an Esquire article about words a man should never say), Gretchen agreed. She said, “I’ve heard a lot of men do that: My husband hasn’t started that yet.”

As a spicy aside, she playfully pleaded, “Hubby, Daddy, if you’re watching, don’t call me ‘mommy.'” When Brian Kilmeade subsequently asked her if the moniker was a turn-off as a woman, Gretchen responded, “I just said, I just said to my daddy at home, ‘Don’t call me “mommy.”‘”

Apparently, not all of the games in the Close household are on the field.

Brian Kneads Gretch

During Fox & Friends’ “Stimulating Beauty” segment today, co-host Gretchen Carlson seemed to be naughtily kneaded.* Co-anchor Steve Doocy introduced the story, facetiously declaring, “Brian, I know that it has always been a dream of yours to be a professional massage therapist.” To which, Brian replied, “[I’ve] been an amateur so long.” Meanwhile, only observing and remaining silent, Gretchen grinned broadly.

Continuing his story, Steve stated, “Here’s the good news….Apparently, you can use stimulus money to do just that.” Brian responded, “Really? A lot of people use massages to get stimulated so this is a perfect mix.” Immediately, Gretchen’s eyes bulged and her jaw dropped; trying to regain her composure, she shut her mouth and abashedly placed both her hands over her face; and then she simply looked at Brian and smiling shook her head in utter amazement.

Thereafter, when Steve had finished his account (of the $2.3 million of the federal stimulus money going to training Tampa, Florida, “massage therapists, nail technicians, and hair dressers”), Gretchen guffawed and said, “Excuse me…while I pick up my jaw from Brian’s last comment.” Her randy mental masseur Brian merely chuckled.

Rub-a-dub-dub!

*Fox & Friends – 10/19/09 (@8:34 a.m. ET)

Clayton: Wolf! Wolf!

Fox & Friends Weekend falls short again: what a wager waste! Dave Briggs returned, and the fans were spurned. The Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor paid up his lost bet with a plug nickel and, not surprisingly, his hapless co-host Clayton Morris happily accepted it.

As the reader may recall, Clayton announced that the loser of the Philadelphia Phillies/Colorado Rockies wager would wear the opposing team’s uniform for the entire show and serve up the winner’s hometown delicacies. After the Rockies lost and Dave subsequently returned, the author cautioned Dave not to “welch” on his bet the way he had accused Kilmeade of doing. Dave Tweeted, “[Y]es @Jakeho I will pay up on the bet, Sunday & it will hurt.”

Today instead of biting the bullet and putting on his full Phillies regalia from the get-go, Dave waited until the very last minute of the show (9:59 a.m. ET) and served up Philadelphia cheesesteaks in simply a Phillies baseball cap and jersey. The more jaded Fox & Friends viewer probably expected this half-hearted and partially fulfilled promise to the fans. After all, Clayton had let Brian Kilmeade and Gretchen Carlson out of their lost Philadelphia Eagles/New York Giants wager after tantalizing the F&F audience for weeks with a similarly humbling outcome.

Fooled me once, shame on you, Clayton. Fooled me twice, shame on me! Lesson learned. What was that again, Clayton? Wolf?

Clayton Trashes Aly’s Stems

It’s one thing when a clowning Clayton Morris hogs the Fox & Friends Weekend camera. However, it’s another thing altogether when his clutter does. For almost the entire show, Clayton’s computer and coffee cup have obstructed the view of co-host Alisyn Camerota’s lovely stems from her many admirers.

Generally, he is more considerate. Of course, today Alisyn is barely showing any gam at all. Apparently, Clayton is doing his best to make sure that she shows none.

Clayton, no, it’s not all about you.

Clayton: Dave “to Pay Up”

Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Dave Briggs is glad to be home–for now. Yesterday, Dave Tweeted, “Back from Buenos Aires, bummed about my Rockies but happy to be back in the US.” Today as both he and his co-host Clayton Morris promoted Saturday’s show on F&F today, Clayton welcomed Dave back in his inimitable fashion.

When F&F co-anchor Steve Doocy segued to Clayton and Dave to preview the program, Clayton pointed at Dave and declared, “And, by the way, you’re going to pay up on your Phillies’ bet: you lost! We’re going to be doing that on the show.” Dave grimaced, nodded, and said, “Uh-huh.”

Two weeks ago Sunday Dave and Clayton announced that they would bet on the series between Dave’s Colorado Rockies and Clayton’s Philadelphia Phillies. Last weekend, having solicited viewer input as to the terms of the wager, Clayton presented the agreement in Dave’s absence. I.e., whoever lost the bet would appear in the cap and uniform of the opposing team for the full show and serve the winner delicacies from his home town. E.g., if Clayton won, Dave would put on Philly regalia and present Clayton with Philly cuisine.

If Dave is true to his word (and Clayton correctly stated the terms of the bet), viewers will get to see waiter Dave in action. Instead of dispensing Royal Red Robin burgers, he will be serving up Philly cheesesteaks in his Phillies accoutrements. Tomorrow should be quite entertaining.

Dave, don’t pull a Kilmeade, or, as you would say, “welch” on your wager!

Update: Apparently, Clayton actually meant that Dave would “pay up” sometime this weekend, not necessarily on the show tomorrow. Dave clarified, “[Y]es @Jakeho I will pay up on the bet, Sunday & it will hurt.” Another F&FW source added that Dave will be serving up Clayton’s favorite cheesesteaks from John’s Roast Pork in south Philly.

John Corrals Carol: Just Sayin’…

American Morning co-anchor John Roberts needed a tight leash on his guest co-host Carol Costello this morning. Refreshingly candid or irritatingly frank, depending on one’s perspective, Carol weighed in on both God and politics. Apparently, on behalf of the producers and the viewers, a more circumspect John felt compelled to reel her in.

In their first segment together, John reported the story of an Australian baby in a stroller who fell onto train tracks and survived with a slight bump on the head. After saying that paramedics stated that the child’s life was probably saved because of a safety restraint, John exclaimed, “Oh, my God!” To a nation where nearly 80% of Americans believe in miracles according to a Pew poll, Carol opined, “Actually, I think what saved him is out and out luck.” John countered, “God was smiling on him.” Carol then concurred, “You’re not kidding.”

Less than fifteen minutes later, Carol interposed her view on politics this time. In promoting her upcoming “Just Sayin’…” story, Carol commented, “On the subject of politics, we know about Senator Olympia Snowe.” Turning to John and pumping her fist, she declared, “She courageously voted along with Democrats on health care reform.” Perhaps, aware of the 50% of Americans opposed to Obama and congressional Democrats’ health care reform program (according to a Rasmussen poll), John interjected, “Courageously for some people, outrageously for others, right?” Chastened again, Carol agreed, “Exactly.”

Stay in your saddle and keep your lasso ready, John!

Kiran: Make No Mistake We Are a Team!

Chris Knowles is no Waldo! Last night Kiran answered forcefully the author’s article “Kiran’s ‘NY Family’: Where’s Chris?” (Kiran was profiled in the October 2009 issue of New York Family and appeared on its cover with her two children but sans her husband Chris.) She assured the author that her hubby is indeed an integral part of her family. To wit, she Tweeted, “[A]ll 4 of us are pictured in the mag. I don’t have control over which shot the mag puts on the cover. Make no mistake we are a team!”

The author certainly understands and appreciates Kiran’s response. In fact, the author had not contended that Kiran herself excluded Chris from the cover but alluded to a possible New York haute monde mentality that the magazine may have manifested. Ergo, in reply, the author Tweeted, “Kiran, I know that u & Chris r a team (& that u didn’t pick the cover shot): I’ve followed u 2 since F&F. Still felt for C.”

A real New York family: Kiran, Maya, Little Chris, AND Chris!

Kiran’s “NY Family”: Where’s Chris?

American Morning co-host Kiran Chetry was profiled in a very flattering photo shoot and article “Mornings with Mom” in New York Family’s October 2009 issue. On the cover was a photo of a smiling, beautiful Kiran with her two lovely children, three-year-old daughter Maya and one-year-old son Christopher. Missing? Chris Knowles, Kiran’s hubby and their children’s daddy.

Odd for a magazine that is entitled New York Family. Perhaps, a husband and father is no longer considered truly an integral part of a New York family among the glitterati. Nevertheless, happily, inside the magazine Chris did get a prominent photo with Kiran and the kids and mentions throughout the article by Kiran.

But still. When the poor fellow passes the newsstand, surely, Chris must feel a mite miffed that he is not there on the cover with his gorgeous wife and adorable kids. On the bright side, at least, he was not quite as inconspicuous as Waldo.

SNL Situation: John Mocks Wolf

As American Morning concluded today, co-anchor John Roberts took an eagle-eyed shot at SNL fact-checking colleague Wolf Blitzer. (Recently, the Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer did a much-mocked accuracy assessment of a Saturday Night Live skit spoofing President Obama.) The smiling sniper hit his mark with sweet and sure success.

After a “Spit It Out!” segment by Jeanne Moos (featuring a lady on Late Show with David Letterman who spat her gum out and mysterious drew it back into her mouth), John remarked, “Stupid human tricks.” Co-host Kiran Chetry asked, “You said it was what? Fishing line?” John replied, “I don’t know how they do that. [It] defies the laws of physics.” Kiran responded, “Alright, so, maybe, it is fishing line.”

Then John impishly asked, “You know what we should do?” Ingenuously, Kiran inquired, “Try it?” John devilishly declared, “We should get the Situation Room to do an investigation.” As John displayed a wicked grin, Kiran doubled over in laughter. Aptly, John added, “I’m going to hear about that!”