Stormy Maria: Inked Pink!

Molina reveals her secret “tart tatt”–nine months late. For Carpe Diem fans of the Fox News weather gal Maria Molina, a/k/a “Cosmo’s caliente Latina,” the revelation was a long time coming. Over nine months ago, the author noted the barbed pink/red ringlet adorning Maria, Tweeting her, “[I]s that a red “barb” tattoo or a beauty mark on your left wrist?” Not a word from the Nicaraguan nymph: Perhaps, the demure beauty thought that FNC was a tatt-free zone and she did not want to be dispatched posthaste like her comely “spanked and spurned” predecessor Domenica Davis.

Nevertheless, Monday, F&F newsreader Heather Nauert outed the demure damsel on F&F‘s After the Show Show. During the episode entitled, “Hidden talents,” with Maria, Heather, and co-hosts, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Steve Doocy, on the curvy couch,  Heather abruptly turned to Maria, teasing, “Give me your hand here! Give me your hand! What is that on your wrist?”*

Embarrassed, Maria initially pulled her arm away from Heather: Then, complying, she gave her hand to Heather. Subsequently, Heather (and Elisabeth) turned Maria’s arm for all of her F&F fans to see the reddish pink symbol inked on her wrist. Interjecting, Steve intoned, “Wait! Wait!…Oh, look at that: it’s a stamp!”

Chiming in, Heather added, “It looks like she was at a little club.”

Chagrined, Maria admitted, “It’s a tattoo.” Shyly, she subsequently explained, “It’s actually a tropical storm.” Then, she added, “It’s supposed to be Hurricane Andrew. And, that’s the reason I became a meteorologist.”

Sounds good–at least, to the parents. But, for ardent acolytes of the smoldering Maria Molina, her explanation seems almost too convenient. For those votaries of a tropical stormy Maria, her symbol looks almost a little like the inchoate etchings of Pamela Anderson’s racy barbed wire.

To quote Eminem, “Maybe, that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.” Maria, “love the way you lie.” Or, not.

[Author’s aside: Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler weighs in? “Pink is my favorite color.”]

*A.S.S. (12/16/13) – @ 03:08/04:20

H/t: J$P. (Steve Doocy’s “shout-out” to J$.)

Kooiman: “Looking Up My Skirt?”

Clayton: “That’s my business!” Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Clayton Morris got rather randy with his brand new co-host Anna Kooiman this morning. Perhaps, sharing the curvy couch with ever caprid guest co-anchor Mike Jerrick and oft frisky meteorologist Janice Dean today may have helped embolden the bad boy.

As the show was concluding, Anna asked Clayton to show the audience what they were doing and pointed to the computer in front of her lap.* As Clayton picked it up and showed the viewers a live stream of the show, he invited them to go to “Google Hangout” to view the After the Show Show. Looking down and pulling her leg slightly upward, Anna racily queried, “So, that wasn’t looking up my skirt was it?”

Leaning in toward Anna, a playful Janice naughtily interjected, “I’m sure you’ll have lots more viewers!”

Looking down at the computer screen, Anna smilingly exclaimed, “No it wasn’t….I checked. I checked!”

But, Clayton racily suggested otherwise: Grabbing his coat for effect, he bawdily replied, “That’s my business!” Looking down at the computer screen again, Clayton’s eyes bulged suddenly: then, glancing back at Anna appreciatively, he beamed bawdily.

Roaring with laughter, Janice rocked back and clapped her hands in delight. Chiming in, Mike concluded, “And, how do you trump that?”

Indeed.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 09/29/13 (@ 9:58 a.m. ET)

Clayton Morris “Returning Champ”: Not!

2012 “New York’s Funniest Reporter” no-shows at the Comic Strip Live Sunday (and fails to congratulate the new 2013 winner, an FNC colleague on F&F the very next day). Last night, FNC’s “Dancing Machine” meteorologist Janice Dean was crowned as 2013 New York’s Funniest Reporter (along with PIX 11 reporter Magee Hickey) at the illustrious comedy club, Comic Strip Live. Strangely missing from the stage was the 2012 winner, Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Clayton Morris, who was scheduled to return “for an encore” as “Returning Champ.”

This morning, odder yet, Clayton did not even acknowledge his new successor Janice when he showed up on Fox & Friends for his social media segment with F&F co-host Gretchen Carlson:* Less than fifteen minutes earlier, Gretchen had teased him and his interview as she touted Janice’s big win as “New York’s Funniest Reporter,” noting that Clayton had won the same award last year. (Interestingly, in that promo, Gretchen did not reveal that Clayton had failed to appear as planned at the Comic Strip Live event last night even though she did note FNC Senior Medical News Editor Dr. Manny Avarez‘s absence from his initially scheduled placement in the show.)

However, in the “After the Show Show,” Gretchen “let the cat out of the bag” as she discussed “New York’s Funniest Reporter” contest on the curvy couch with co-host Steve Doocy and FNC meteorologist Maria Molina.** After Gretchen had lauded victor Janice’s performance and Steve mentioned third-place winner Charles Payne, Maria asked about Clayton Morris’s routine.*** When Gretchen stammered, “Clayton didn’t, no, Clayton did not, he won last year but he was not there last night,” Maria seemed suddenly befuddled. Looking uncomfortable, Gretchen lamely answered, “But, he was on our show this morning: Maybe, that’s why.”

Or, maybe, not.

*F&F – 07/22/13 (@ 6:11 a.m. ET)

**After the Show Show (vid via J$P) – 07/22/13

*** Ibid at @ 4:33/05:24.

Aly Cat: “Sorry about That!..It’s So Embarrassing!

Waking hubby: “Hey…what are you doing?” Oops! Tardy substitute Fox & Friends co-host Alisyn Camerota had a very bad early morning: But, on the bright side, she may have had a very good late night.

When Aly failed to appear in for an absent Gretchen Carlson on the F&F curvy couch at the start of the show, a seemingly surprised Ainsley Earhardt, Fox & Friends First co-anchor, surfaced instead on F&F after her own show F&F First, exclaiming, “Well, good morning to you! It is Monday June 3rd….I’m filling in for Gretchen [Carlson] this morning.”

Providing scant cover for his long-time FNC colleague in the show intro (as producers ran a clip of Aly and FNC meteorologist Maria Molina suggestively jamming out with Lonestar last Friday on A.S.S.), co-anchor Brian Kilmeade jested, “Last we saw Aly Camerota, she was partying with the band on our Friday summer concert series and…she’s supposed to be here….[A]ll I know is she is not here. What happened? That story we have.”

Chiming in bawdily, co-host Steve Doocy teased, “She took off with the band! Hello!”

Then, after the F&F theme had played, Ainsley revealed, “Okay, so…we have to be honest here. I’m, like, anchoring the 5 a.m. show, and they’re saying, “Ainsley, we need you to stick around and zip downstairs to Studio B because Aly has overslept this morning! Aly was filling in for Gretchen.” Elaborating, she animatedly disclosed, “So, Aly moved out to Connecticut…recently…a year ago or something….So, this morning, we were…all saying, ‘Oh, her husband [Tim Lewis is] in trouble.’ She’s gonna be like, ‘We’re moving back into the city (NYC): I can’t be this far away from work!”

Trying to come to the aid of Aly valiantly, Brian added, “Well, here, here’s the problem, Ainsley, as you know: They had a five-and-a-half marathon on Saturday and then four hours again on Sunday and then they had the After the Show Show and then some post-tapes. This woman is worn out!”

Giving slightly less succor to the alluring Aly, Steve jibed, “Oh, come on! And, then throw in that she looked like she wanted to join the band.”

Much more amenably, Ainsley interjected, “Right! And, throw in a few kids and a husband. I mean, come on!”

Smiling comically, Steve concluded, “If and when she shows up, you’ll see her…as Ainsley disappears shortly.”

Approximately, thirty minutes later, Aly finally emerged from her make-up room and sashayed to the set, laughing, “I’m ready now!…I just got off the Lonestar tour bus: But, I’m back now.” Reaching the curvy couch with pastry sops, she apologized, “Thank you, guys! Sorry about that!”

Feigning irritation, Steve queried, “Where were you?”

Chagrinned, Aly exclaimed, “My Blackberry did not go off this morning! Yes, I’m blaming my alarm clock, and my internal alarm clock malfunctioned as well!” Looking into the camera at her fans and bowing her head as their supplicant, she said, “I apologize. It’s so embarrassing!”

Turning to Aly empathetically, Ainz asked, “Isn’t is so embarrassing when you wake up and the husband says, ‘Aren’t you supposed to be at work?'”

Heartily, Aly agreed, “It’s horrible! Revealing some benign early morning bedchamber chat with her mate, Aly added, “My husband goes, ‘Hey, It’s 4:30. What are you doing?’ I’m, like, ‘4:30!’ Like my hair’s on fire, and I jumped up.” Grinning naughtily, Aly racily remarked, “And, he wasn’t happy about me going on the tour with Lonestar either! So, I’m in the doghouse!”

Lonestar love to lonely lady! From “cathouse” to “doghouse”? Regardless, Aly is in the house!

[Author’s aside: For a pic of Aly, Tim, their twin daughters (Alessandra and Francesca) and their son, Nate, link here.]

Awkward Carlson: Camerota’s “New Co-anchor”?

F&FW’s Aly cat: This is sort of a hazing process, Tucker.” Yesterday, Daily Caller co-founder Tucker Carlson returned to co-host Fox & Friends Weekend for the third week in a row. According to one J$P source (Hannity’s Hair) two weeks ago, “@TuckerCarlson [is] not just guest hosting…[but]…will assume full time role on @ffweekend replacing Dave Briggs“: However, Johnny Dollar himself indicated that he had heard that Tucker was simply a “temporary sub.”

Even though the author initially agreed with J$P‘s primary source since Tucker seems somewhat ill at ease on the curvy couch (a la another Carlson on the regular week day version), recent comments from Tucker and his F&F Weekend co-hosts seem to indicate otherwise.

Approximately, one week ago, F&FW‘s “After the Show Show: Hectic schedules” (January 13) featured Tucker in a seemingly introductory mini profile. As A.S.S. started, co-anchor Alisyn Camerota asked, “What is it like to do four hours of morning television?”* In answer, Tucker jested, “I really enjoyed it: It only seems like three hours and forty-five minutes to me.” Appearing to let the cat out of the proverbial bag, guest co-host Mike Jerrick interjected, “Save this tape, ladies and gentlemen. A year from now we will see if he still talks like that.” When, Tucker subsequently remarked, “I’ve loved it. I can’t believe it’s over. I feel sort of sad,” Aly, perhaps, rather revealingly, replied, “Well, we can arrange how to make you feel better next weekend and the weekend after that, etc.”

Yesterday (six days later), in the penultimate segment of F&FW Saturday, Tucker appeared in the “Fighting the Flu” segment where he would be “coughed on” by a medical school dummy.* Donning a black salon apron, blue surgical mask, and clear goggles as he awaited an unwelcome expectoration, he sported the look of a hapless fraternity pledge about to be spoofed. Introducing FNC’s “Medical A Team” member Dr. Marc Siegel report on how easily flu could be spread to her F&FW audience, Aly heartily laughed,  “And, this is what we do to new, new co-anchors who, when they come on the show.” Perhaps, more tellingly, she added, This is just sort of a hazing process, Tucker!”

If so, welcome to the show, Tucker!

*After the Show Show – 01/13/13 (0.15/5.44)

Dave’s Final Farewell

Briggs: “I will be right across the street from Fox News….There’s a big tree over there.” NBC Sports co-host? Having returned for a three-day encore, former Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Dave Briggs seemingly disclosed his future plans to his fans in his final After the Show Show on Christmas Eve. Even though he indicated that he would reveal them more fully this Thursday, he teased, “I will be right across the street from Fox News. If anybody wants to read too much into that and figure out what’s right across the street…there’s a big tree over there.”* Spelling it out further for those unfamiliar with FNC’s neighboring NBC studios and their Rockefeller Center Christmas tree, guest co-host Juliet Huddy remarked, “Google ‘sports across the stree….'”!

Apparently, FNC authority J$P was right on the money: He opined that the “likely destination for @davebriggstv [is] NBC Sports Network.” Elucidating further, he RT’d @SPORTSbyBROOKS: SbB has learned NBC Sports Network is planning a daily show hosted by @MichelleDBeadle & @davebriggstv.”

As Dave declared, he will assuredly miss both his erstwhile F&FW co-hosts, Clayton Morris and their “work wife” Alisyn Camerota a/k/a “Bikini Aly.” But, do not feel too bad for Dave: Apparently, he will have another saucy blond beauty to keep him company at his new network, namely, Michelle Beadle, Bleacher Report‘s “Hottest Sports Chick of the Week.”

*A.S.S. – 12/31/12 (@ 2:21/5:37)

Tearful Briggs Leaves F&FW

Dave: “I’m not going away! Just going somewhere else in the New Year.” Today, Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Clayton Morris dropped a bombshell this morning by announcing that co-host Dave Briggs is leaving their popular FNC morning weekend show. After the final half hour began with the “Shot of the Morning,” Clayton turned to Dave and their fellow co-anchor Alisyn Camerota, remarking, “I want to take a moment here because this is going to be the last time that the three of us…are going to be on the couch together. Looking down, Dave replied, “Wow! I didn’t expect you to say that: But, yeah, I am. I will be moving on.”

Tearing up, Dave continued, “I will miss the two of you more than I can speak. You’ve made me better and you’ve made the show better. You’ve been my work family!”

Growing emotional, too, Clayton interjected, stammering, “Likewise, man! It’s like a, like losing, you know, having a brother leave, you know, with a family and move on.”

Chiming in, Aly exclaimed, “We will miss you so much, Dave!”

Sentimentally, Dave stated, “I will miss you both! It’s been the best show, best job of my life. I will never have a job I enjoy more, no matter where I go.” Looking into the camera at his fans, he assuring stated, “But, you will see me. I’m not going away! Just going somewhere else in the New Year but it’s been a wonderful experience here.”

As to Dave’s departure date, Aly explained, “Dave will be through here through the end of the year: But, I won’t be working during these shows.”

Sounding as if he may be leaving Fox News to boot, Dave declared, “But, I should say thanks to…Roger Ailes, and to Bill Shine, and Suzanne Scott, and some of the people who brought me here as well. And, all the producers who have helped me out for a couple of years. But, I just, I love you guys!” Then, as FNC meteorologist Rick Reichmuth appeared in a split screen shot, Dave added, “And, Rick, Rick has been my confidante and my office mate. And, you guys are, you’re my family: I’ve never had a work family….Damn, I’m gonna miss it!”

Nodding his head for emphasis, Rick replied, “We’re gonna miss you, Dave! But, you know, the good part is you’re not moving anywhere….This is Aly’s and this is my last day with you, Dave. So, it been wonderful to have you here: And, we will miss you a ton.”

So, where will Dave be? Before his big announcement, a Twitter follower asked, “What’s with the beard cutie?”: In answer to his avatar change, Dave cryptically Tweeted, “Explanation coming soon…”

Perhaps, much more telling, in the final segment of F&FW today, Aly gave Dave multiple pairs of hosiery as a parting present, saying, “So, Dave, I don’t know if your new co-anchor is gonna want to match her outfit to your socks: But, if so, I have gotten you some possibly anchor-friendly new socks to match with her outfits.” Seemingly, confirming that he will be co-hosting a new show with a new female co-host, he answered,”I think she’s gonna love them!”

Pleading with his fans for their continued loyalty in his future endeavor, Dave subsequently Tweeted, “I will miss our viewers almost as much as Clayton, Aly & Rick. I really appreciate every one of you and hope you stick w/me in 2013…”

Good luck, Dave!

[Author’s aside: Notably, on this august occasion, Dave dutifully donned his connubial band today after approximately three weeks on F&FW sans it. Bravo, Brandi!]

Update: In the After the Show Show (via J$P), Aly more definitively verified Dave new gig, saying, “You new co-anchor is such a lucky woman!”

Update2: According to J$P, the “likely destination for @davebriggstv – NBC Sports Network.” Subsequently, he RT’d @SPORTSbyBROOKS: SbB has learned NBC Sports Network is planning a daily show hosted by @MichelleDBeadle & @davebriggstv.” As further evidence, he teased, “RT @MichelleDBeadle (yesterday): Cranked out promos for my new sports show and my last Access Hollywood of the year….”

“Booty-Shaking” Anna Kooiman: Must See!

Fox & Friends fails to deliver: BUT, Carpe Diem does. Sexy FNC anchor Anna Kooiman graced the set of F&F Wednesday as she subbed for Gretchen Carlson. Possibly, suffering from the Coolidge effect, her co-host Brian Kilmeade appeared especially appreciative of the comely former fitness instructor. As the second hour of the show began, Brian asked, “Can I reveal one way in which you get ready for the show?”* Presciently, co-anchor Steve Doocy asked, “Is it going to wind up on a blog?”

When a timorous Anna asked, “What?,” Brian replied, “Everyone gets ready for the show differently. Steve stretches….Anna, you, you sometimes dance to get yourself in the [inaudible].” Sensually smiling and coyly ducking her head, Anna answered, “I like to, I like to do a little dancing.” As the producer then began to play some grooving music, she continued, “Plug in the iPod, and” as she saucily swayed on the curvy couch.

Intrigued, Steve asked, “What kind of dancing, out of curiosity, jitterbug?” Chuckling, Anna replied, “Not the kind of dancing that I would want anybody to see.” Grinning, Brian queried, “Really, do you do the hustle?” Giggling, Ann revealed, “Some, some booty shaking!”

“Now you’re singing my song!,” Brian exclaimed. Laughing, Steve interposed, “Maybe in the After the Show Show.” Interjecting, Anna teased, “In the comfort of my own home when nobody can see.”

Still hopeful, Brian continued, “It’s the only time the After the Show Show will out-rate the regular broadcast show.” Reddening but beaming, Anna tittered, “Two minutes after the hour now. Oh, great! Now I’m embarrassed.”

Unfortunately, for her F&F fans, a game Anna did not get a chance to dance in the After the Show Show. Instead, Steve had her jump in the “bouncy house” and slide down the slide twice.” Somewhat sexy: Still, F&F failed to come through in the end.

But, Carpe Diem delivers–a “booty-shaking” Anna Kooiman at her very best! CD found frisky footage of Anna as fitness instructor at Dowd YMCA putting on a riveting holiday performance with her hottie colleague Meridith Roy (as they taught a “full wall-to-wall” class at a 2008 Turbo Christmas Party). For longer close-up vids of her working her magic at the “Y,” link here and here. Must-see Anna!

*Fox & Friends – 07/25/12 (@ 7:01 a.m. ET)

Juliet: “This is Weird!”

A.S.S.: Caught in Mike’s lap. Fox & Friends Weekend guest co-hosts Juliet Huddy and Mike Jerrick seemed like old flames Saturday. As the two former two-time TV spouses [F&FW and Morning Show with Mike and Juliet] got back together on F&FW, they seemed to reignite that old spark in a “Philly Sandwich” with co-anchor Clayton Morris: But, according to Juliet, it got “just weird” during the After the Show Show (A.S.S.).

As A.S.S. began, Mike, Juliet, Clayton, and meteorologist Rick Reichmuth walked over to the nearby “trading desk” to talk with FBN anchor Nicole Petallides and two other business guests about stocks. With only two seats available (one at each end of the desk), Clayton took one and Mike the other: Meanwhile, Juliet stood behind Nicole and Rick next to Mike. When Clayton began to interview Nicole and before the camera zoomed in on her, Juliet walked over toward Mike as he pulled back his chair. Putting her hand around Mike’s neck, a smiling Juliet then sat down seemingly in his lap (by then off-camera).*

As Nicole finished her answer and the camera panned out for a shot of the whole cast, there sat Juliet comfortably on Mike’s knee!** When Juliet realized that the viewers could see her in Mike’s lap, she smiled and blushed. Chuckling uncomfortably, she stood up and turned to Rick, whispering, “This is weird!”

As Rick sheepishly grinned, Mike looked down as if nothing unusual had happened. Weird? No, just classic Fox & Friends.

*After the Show Show – 08/13/11 (@0.54/5.53)

**Ibid at @1.17/5.53.

Playbunny Aly Arouses

Rick Reichmuth: There’s about to be a wardrobe malfunction.” Clad in her cleavage-baring, sexy short red dress, Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Alisyn Camerota got the rapt attention of FNC meteorologist Rick Reichmuth and the rest of her male admirers Saturday as she tried on a pink Hoodie-Footie Saturday during the After the Show Show. Having donned it during the regular show, apparently, Aly acted as if she were reluctant to try it on once again.

When the After the Show Show started, Dave asked where the Hoodie-Footie was. When Aly answered that she did not know, Dave theatrically walked off the set, searching for it and demanding that she “put it back on before we leave today.” As Dave sought her “mislaid” garb, Aly explained to viewers that co-anchors Dave and Clayton Morris had given it to her last year as a gift and that it looked basically like a giant bunny suit. Then, as producers played Shaftesque make-out music, a smiling Aly alluring elaborated, “Not the kind of bunny suit they have at Hugh Hefner’s place: it’s a different kind of bunny suit. This one I don’t think arouses quite the same interest level in the viewers.”

Soon thereafter, Dave finally returned with the Hoodie-Footie and handed it to Aly. As Aly struggled to slip her beautiful bare gams into the legs of the unwieldy suit, a staring Rick seemed mesmerized by F&FW’s sexy siren. As Aly continued to raise her stems in his direction in her attempts to don the Hoodie-Footie, Rick chuckled, “There is about to be a wardrobe malfunction going on right now.” No preening prig, Aly riposted, “I know, I appreciate…that you’re monitoring it closely. I see that, Rick. I notice.” Aptly interjecting, Dave declared, “We’re trying to drive viewership to the After the Show Show.”

Continuing to do just that, Dave asked Aly to pose for a photo with her leg up to show off the Footie. After Aly playfully complied and some subsequent casual chatter about the attributes of her attire ensued, Aly commented, “My body temperature has soared to about 105 right now. Just  putting it on, you get instantly hot in here.” Without a moment’s hesitation, Dave gazed down and grabbed his comely co-host’s foot, declaring, “Oh, wait a minute! You can unzip the feet if you have the hot–my wife has what’s called the hot feet [and] her feet get really hot. Sorry honey. Yeah, she calls them ‘the hot feet.'”

As Dave stripped Aly’s foot bare, Aly asserted, “I don’t really think we should show the viewers my toes.” Undeterred, Dave pulled her “stocking” off her foot and twirled it about like a cinematic ecdysiast and threw it suggestively toward the viewers. Looking on, Rick observed, “You have just a whole new search thing for Alisyn.” Alisyn added, “A whole new website. I love it!”

And, so do many of Aly’s faithful F&FW fans.

A.S.S.: F&F’s Cheeky Conclusion

“Whoop a Man’s Ass.” Fox & Friends guest co-anchor Alisyn Camerota confirmed today what some viewers have suspected about F&F’s “After the Show Show” for quite a while. I.e., its irregular acronym, “A.T.S.S.” is a sop to its more traditional viewers but with a worldly wink to its edgier ones. Ergo, it uses the unusual acronym (including the article “the”) “A.T.S.S.” for the tail end of its show for its family-friendly fans, knowing that its obvious meaning will not be lost on its more irreverent audience.

Before the “A.T.S.S.,” country star Trace Adkins promoted his new album Cowboy’s Back in Town in an F&F television segment with co-hosts Alisyn Camerota, Steve Doocy, and Brian Kilmeade. After “Such an Idiot” Brian reminded Adkins that he had woefully misread his earlier CD as the letter “x” vis-a-vis “ten,” Adkins pointed to his album, saying, “Hey, look, I got a song….I don’t know if you can say the name of that.”* Reading it in part, Steve said, “It’s “Whoop a Man’s.” Jesting, Aly interjected, “After the Show Show. Yeah, it means After the Show Show.” Waggish Brian deadpanned, “You can say ass!”

Later, during the “A.T.S.S,” Steve introduced Adkins to the audience, saying that he was going to perform “Whoop a Man’s Ass.” Playfully, Adkins put his hand to his mouth and pointed to Steve in mock shock. Shrugging his shoulders, Steve exclaimed, “We’re on the Internet. I can say that! We’re the “After the Show Show.” Chiming in, Aly aptly added, “We’re the “After the Show Show” which some people call the ‘A.S.S.’ So…perfect. It’s perfect!”

*Fox & Friends – 08/20/10 (@8:42 a.m. ET)

Fox & “Fiends” Halloween

What was in Fox & Fiends Weekend witches’ brew this morning? According to the author’s recollections still clouded by this intriguing intoxicant, the odd ingredients were co-anchor Clayton Morris’ missing wedding ring, Rick Reichmuth’s piece of chocolate corset, and Dave Briggs’s drink of Cosmo with a dance by Alisyn Camerota to conjure up the potion’s magic. Eerily, this strange and powerful potation seemed to have worked its evil, making a “show about nothing” eminently watchable.

Seemingly, the first element placed into the blackened kettle was Clayton’s wedding band to add a golden glow. (If so, his wife Sara may not be overly pleased.) Apparently, the second was Rick’s strip of chocolate cloth torn from a maiden’s bodice. (Viewers, whether F&F’s meteorologist did indeed lick the young New York Chocolate Show model’s corset as proffered has yet to be determined.) Then Dave seemed to have added a glass of his Sex and the City fave Cosmo. (During the show, he seemed to have enjoyed its effects as he transmogrified from a mild-mannered family guy to a zany Kramer nailing the Seinfeld character’s speech, mannerisms, and dance.)* For the diabolic denouement, the bewitching damsel Aly did her Elaine dance before the final curtain call.

An unforgettable show? Perhaps, so. Dear reader, when the evil elixir wears off, hopefully, the author can remember these things if they were so.

*[For a snippet of Dave doing Kramer, cf. the A.S.S.]

Gretchen: Stanford’s “Bimbo”?

Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson displayed an iota of ignorance on A.S.S., the After the Show Show, yesterday. And, no readers and viewers, she does not want to hear about it from you. (N.B. Grechen fans, the author has written “ignorance,” not stupidity.)

Today in the middle of A.S.S., co-host Brian Kilmeade had to leave for his radio show, Brian and the Judge: As he did, the camera panned to his shoes. Colleague Steve Doocy asked, “Brian, are those the shoes from a famous person?” Instead of answering, Brian replied, “What deceased person mailed me shoes before they [sic] died? Gretchen interjected, “That’s the question of the day: That’s the question of the year. Maybe, we could get someone to sponsor that one: It would have to be a foodie.”

Confused, Steve asked, “Foodie?” Surprised that he did not immediately concur, she queried, “Wouldn’t it?” Hoping to end the uncomfortable disconnect, Steve exclaimed, A footie!” Still bemused, Gretchen asked, “Well, are we thinking of the same person who gave those shoes to him?” Steve immediately responded, “Brian got those shoes from Tom DeLuise.” Gretch replied, “That’s what I, yeah, a foodie! He, he was a chef.”

Correcting her, Steve said, “An actor.” Gretch answered, “Yeah, in his later years, tho.” Steve replied, “He did have, like, some, he looked exactly like chef Paul Prudhomme.” With eyes wide open, Gretch queried, “Oh, he wasn’t the same guy?” Chuckling, Steve answered, “No that’s a different guy.” Doubling over in laughter, Gretch simply said, “Oh!” As the crew erupted in laughter, Steve sympathetically stated, “Look, we have a three-hour show.”

Gretch admitted, “I can’t keep it all straight. They do look a lot alike: I thought that Dom DeLuise was, in fact, Chef whatever his name is.” As an aside to the audience members and literally giving them the hand, she sternly warned, “And don’t send me the e-mails about ‘I thought you went to Stanford…you’re not smart, you’re just a bimbo. Don’t send them, okay? Thank you!”

To be fair to Gretchen, DeLuise strongly resembled the celeb Cajun chef. In fact, so much so, that Deluise once jested that he had impersonated Prudhomme at the chef’s New Orleans restaurant K-Paul’s Louisiana Kitchen. Furthermore, DeLuise authored several cookbooks in the latter part of his life.

Nevertheless, it’s never good to give the audience the hand. Or the proverbial finger for that matter.

Gretchen’s “Virgin” Experience

Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen got to “make out” with British billionaire and Virgin Atlantic founder Sir Richard Branson on the curvy couch on the After the Show Show (ASS) yesterday.* F&F co-anchor Steve Doocy gleefully stoked the fires. (For viewers who did not see it yesterday, F&F was more than happy to offer another prurient peep today.)*

ASS was quite a bit more risque than usual yesterday. Throughout the segment, bawdy humor abounded. Steve joked that the Virgin Airlines PJ changing area was the Mile High Club room. Branson immediately jested, “Exactly. And now with our space progam coming up, it will be the 180 Mile High Club. As to the origin of the airline’s name, Branson repeated Steve’s alleged conjecture that it was so dubbed because it would not go all the way. (He explained that actually it was because he started business because he was only fifteen when he started in business.)

However, ASS got steamier when the topic turned to Branson’s Virgin glamor girl publicity shoots. Noting that five years ago Branson had picked up Pamela Anderson but yesterday he hoisted Kate Moss, Steve teased, “You just can’t bench press what you used to be able to? Are you looking for smaller girls?” In response, chuckling, Branson rushed toward Gretchen, saying, “Well, let’s see. What do we got here?” Gretchen screamed, “Oh, no! Oh, no! No!” As Sir Branson tried to lift F&F’s damsel in distress, one understood why she resisted so and had color coordinated beforehand.

After Branson relented amidst howls of laughter, he embraced Gretchen tightly as she exclaimed, “Oh, my god! I haven’t been swept off my feet in a while, Buddy! Alright? Flattered and flustered, she animatedly added, “Hello! Oh my goodness! Could we make sure we get a still photo of that? If I could make that like into an 11×14 in my office.” When Steve remarked, “That’s your screen saver,” Gretchen heartily concurred, “Definitely!”

As the segment concluded, still holding Gretchen, Bronson joked, “Could we turn the light out, please.?” As the F&F floor crew complied and added mood music to boot, Branson playfully acted as if he were friskily frolicking with her as she saucily screamed. As the lights came back on, Branson kissed her hand and said, “It’s been a pleasure.” Gretchen responded, “No kidding! Could you stop back in tomorrow?”

Probably not. But, Branson certainly gave Gretchen a Virgin flight of fancy.

*Fox & Friends’ After the Show Show (06/23/09)

**F&F (06/24/09) – 6:32 a.m. ET

Dave’s Tale: What Tail?

As Paul Harvey would say, “And here is the rest of the story.” Saturday Fox & Friends Weekend covered Jay Leno’s sendoff from the Tonight Show but failed to mention or air his monologue joke and vid about co-anchor Dave Briggs allegedly “checking out the girls’ [Janice Dean and Ainsley Earhardt’s] rear ends.”* The author claimed that F&FW had lost “its nerve and verve” by taking this “lame tack.”** In response, Dave Tweeted, “I think the weekday embarrassed me enough for one week. I would actually like to point out what I WAS looking at and it wasn’t #%+.”***

Apparently, not wanting to abash Dave Briggs too much more, F&F producers decided to have fun with Dave about the Leno joke on Sunday’s After the Show Show.**** In a facetious explanation, Dave, fellow co-host Alisyn Camerota, and a female guest recreated the scene with Dave actually looking down at barbeque foods on a tray placed between him and the ladies. After Dave explained his lust for foods like “chicken, beans, and cornbread,” co-anchor Clayton Morris jested, “Looking at the rump roast.” Both Aly and Dave doubled over in laughter.

To be “fair and balanced,” after After the Show Show, Dave shared his account of what really occurred. Dave Tweeted, “[S]eriously it wasn’t food but my producer at that very moment was telling me “get in the shot” and I was looking for an opening.”*** He added, “ I know that sounds like BS but I would admit looking at a beautiful woman if in fact I was! Leno is funny, how [sic] he caught is bizarre.”***

Having fun at a faux pas (real or imagined) by a co-host has long been a delightful staple of F&F fare. After its misstep Saturday in not doing so, it recovered nicely yesterday. The responsiveness of F&F and of Dave, in particular, to the fans evidences a good harbinger of a surer course.

*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7v4T2XRjKu8

**https://jakeho.wordpress.com/2009/05/30/ffw-fetes-leno-buries-briggs-vid/

***http://twitter.com/foxdavebriggs

****After the Show Show: 05/31/09

Ringless Ainsley: “His Huge Meat”

Ainsley Earhardt returned to Fox & Friends yesterday without a wedding ring but with a wicked sense of humor. And the, apparently, unattached Southern belle directed it at her handsome married co-anchor Dave Briggs. With the aid of weatherwoman Janice Dean and Famous Dave, she toyed with the boy to his discomfit during the barbecue segments.

In a tease to the upcoming barbecue piece, Janice introduced Famous Dave, saying, “[He] came…to mid-town Manhattan to show me some meat, some huge meat.” In her segue to Dave, Ainsley, and Clayton Morris, she remarked, “For the best barbecue Memorial Day that has ever been seen with Famous Dave, we’re coming back in a moment.” Looking at Dave, Ainsley saucily added, “And his huge meat.” In response, Dave merely raised his eyebrows, shook his head, and held his tongue.

Later, in the After the Show Show barbecue segment, Ainsley continued her coquetting. As Famous Dave was displaying the various seasonings, Janice asked, “Is it all about what you rub in the meat?” Both Dave and Ainsley laughed knowingly. When Janice facetiously asked why they did, Dave explained, “Well, you introduced him and said that he brought some huge meat for you.” Janice commented, “This is the After the Show Show where we can have a few little double entendres.” Joining the fun, Famous Dave interjected, “Well, you know, they say Dave packs big meat.” Janice joyfully exclaimed, “Alright, Dave!” Ainsley naughtily queried, “Which Dave?” Smiling, Dave looked down, pursed his lips, pointed to Famous Dave, and tried visibly to maintain his composure.

For Fox & Friends fans, a ringless Ainsley was a rather spicy dish. A memorable Memorial Day!

F&F (05/25/09) – @6:41 p.m.
After the Show Show (05/25/09)