Clayton Missing Sarah?

Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Clayton Morris has his viewers and fans wondering exactly what his marital status is. For, at least, the last three weekends he has “ditched” his wedding band. Why? Perhaps, he and colleague Dave Briggs have simply switched inclinations: Formerly, Dave rarely had his on and now he seems to never leave home without it whereas Clayton used to always wear his and now cannot seem to find it.

On the other hand, there may be a less hopeful reason. Of late, he has tended to not publicly discuss his marriage to Sarah Morris. In August of ‘08,  Clayton proudly introduced Sarah to the F&FW audience in a U-Report photo of his beautiful bikini-clad wife displaying a shark she had landed in New Smyrna, Florida. Almost exactly a year later (August ‘09), he conspicuously avoided mentioning her during a “Love & Marriage” segment when co-hosts Dave and Alisyn Camerota readily discussed their respective spouses. The last three weekends have done nothing to dispel the suspicions of his viewers.

Clayton, of course, has a right to his privacy. As such, he is more than free to ignore any questions that people may have. But, he should consider that many of these come from his real fans who care about him and hope for the best for him and Sarah.

Kiran in Red

But, not for long! Forbidden religious symbol, “cause” jewelry, or other? Whichever it was,  American Morning co-host Kiran Chetry shed her red bracelet shortly after the opening shot. Perhaps, Jamie Kraft or a subordinate producer whispered in her ear: Regardless, she inexplicably took it off forthwith.

As to “cause” bracelets, co-anchor John Roberts sometimes wears his vivid yellow Lance Armstrong “LiveStrong” cancer awareness one. Ergo, it would make little sense that Kiran could not wear hers. However, she may not have wished to fully embrace that particular cause in public quite yet. (Red bracelets have been associated with AIDS, heart disease, diabetes, cancer awareness, and, bizarrely, even with anorexia (pro). [No the author does not think that Kiran has anorexia nor advocates it.]

With regard to a religious symbol, was Kiran possibly wearing a Kaballah red wristband or, perhaps, a Hindu one? As to Kaballah (a Jewish mystical sect formerly adhered to by her music idol Madonna), she was probably not wearing its red string wristband because it would have been properly worn on her left wrist. As to the Hindu religion, being born in Nepal, “the world’s only Hindu Kingdom she may have been tardily and covertly celebrating the Teej festival (where married women dressed in red “pray for a long life and the well-being of their husbands).” Or, even a subtle salute to her inner Sitka or both.

Did AM’s spicy hostess have a much more mundane motive? Perhaps. Perhaps, not.

F&F Rally Redux?

Another Fox News producer rallying another crowd? It certainly appeared so. However, it may not be a big deal this time. Earlier, an FNC producer got into trouble with her bureau chief because she was caught rallying a Tea Bag Party crowd for Griff Jenkins during a Glenn Beck show. Today, a young man who looked like a FNC producer was seen similarly goading the troops on the U.S.S. New York into enthusiastic applause with a like hand gesture for the F&F program held on deck.*

It may be no big deal if F&F is primarily an entertainment show vis-a-vis a news program. In defending his popular morning news program for airing caricatures of New York Times staffers last year, former FNC Exec VP of News Editorial John Moody did contend that F&F is an “entertainment show that does some news.” However, in a Tweet to the author (defending his failure to wear a Phillies uniform for an entire as to a lost bet to his colleague Clayton Morris), F&F Weekend co-host Dave Briggs acerbically asserted, @Jakeho that’s absolutely ridiculous, Clayton never said I’d wear the uni for 3 hours, we actually have a job to do, we are a news show.” [Italics added for emphasis.]

The manufactured approbation is probably no big deal but it seemed to blur the line needlessly between news and entertainment. (One could almost imagine being on a game show with the lighted sign blinking, “Applause! Applause! Applause!”) Since the hearty clapping seemed to be for F&F itself vis-a-vis any patently political point, perhaps, it was indeed adiaphorous. Nevertheless, the apparent F&F producer conjured up today memories of that earlier censured producer.

Fox & Friends (11/05/09) – @8:12 a.m. ET

Anderson Cooper Unzipped?

CNN has done it again: From Paula Zahn’s infamous “zipper” promo to Anderson Cooper’s supposedly “undone zipper.”* Seven years ago, CNN promoted its new Zahn show, American Morning, with an ad in which a male announcer randily remarked, “”Where can you find a morning news anchor who’s provocative, super-smart, oh yeah, and just a little sexy?” As the word “sexy” was emblazoned on the screen, the seeming sound of a zipper being unzipped was heard. Controversy ensued and the ad was pulled after being aired only about a dozen times.

Last night CNN had another phallic moment. This time it was over another blond beauty, Carrie Prejean, the former Miss USA California. Before the segment in question, Cooper teased, “Carrie Prejean caught on tape. Oh, Carrie, Carrie, Carrie. She’s dropped her lawsuit against pageant officials about…her augmentation surgery but only after they dropped a bombshell. We’ll tell you what changed the game.”

Then when AC360 returned, correspondent Erica Hill cattily reported, “The one-time Miss California USA Carrie Prejean…apparently…doesn’t have to worry about paying for her $5200 boob job because Miss USA pageant officials have dropped their lawsuit…She has dropped her lawsuit against the pageant, too. Why?” Feigning incredulity, Cooper queried, “Why?”

Hill answered, “Well, the deal is confidential, Anderson, but a source close to the settlement tells CNN the agreement happened after a sex tape featuring Prejean surfaced.” Cooper playfully exclaimed, “What!” Hill animatedly replied, “Yeah! Yeah! According to TMZ, she’s alone on it.” As Cooper deadpanned, “Really?,” the apparent sound of a salient priapic response (a suddenly released spring) was heard. Raising his eyes, Cooper smiled, shook his head, and said, “Please!”

Anderson Cooper 360 (11/04/09) – @10:57 p.m ET

Gretchen’s Bad Beer Experience?

“I can’t drink beer!” Tweeted Fox & Friend co-host Gretchen Carlson, sounding somewhat snobbish, as she promoted an upcoming story entitled, “Your Beer Personality.” During the segment itself, co-host Brian Kilmeade revealed that he liked Corona and colleague Steve Doocy preferred Coors Light: in response, Gretched stated, “I can get out of this whole mix ’cause I don’t drink beer.”*

Brian asked, “Really?” Gretchen replied, “Nope!” However, Steve interjected, “I’ve seen you drink beer, though.” Gretchen emphatically answered, “You absolutely have never seen me drink beer.” Incredulous, Steve queried, “No?” Gretchen insisted, “I’m on record as saying that I like to kiss a man after he’s had a beer.”

Brian joked, “Oh! You’re on the record?” Playfully pointing to the producers, he said, Let’s go back to that transcript.” Gretchen responded, “I’m on the record. I’ve said it many times.” Then she revealed, “I have not had a beer since my younger years, and there’s a reason why.”

Gretchen, not condescending: She just seems to have a long memory.

*Fox & Friends – 11/02/09 (@6:41 p.m. ET)

Silent Al-y, “Crush It!”

Boo, Aly! (And, not the scary kind.) Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota seems to be giving her readers and followers the Calvin Coolidge treatment this Halloween weekend. Verily, Aly did notify her social network audience that she would be subbing for F&F co-host Gretchen Carlson Friday and penned two brief Green Room posts this weekend. However, she has responded to none of their Tweets nor blog comments.

Even though her Green Room attendees may tend to give her a pass (since she seems to be somewhat more attentive to them), her Twitter followers may be becoming less and less apt to do so. Aly, apparently, has ignored their Tweets for almost two months (since September 4th) and has only deigned to reply on three distinct days since she began her account on August 23.

On the bright side, perhaps, she will heed the wisdom of today’s F&FW guest wine gonzo guru and New York Times best-selling author Gary Vaynerchuk. As he promoted his book, “Why Now is The Time to Crush It!: Cash in on Your Passion,” co-anchor and Vayniac Clayton Morris inquiringly remarked, “One of the things you talk about in living your passion…[is] people need to understand social media.” Gary “Vee” replied, “Whether the people…think Twitter or FaceBook…is stupid is irrelevant. Later, he elaborated, “What’s most important is you go into things like FaceBook and Twitter and you start talking to people. Not spamming them and selling them. Talking, and you build real connections.”

F&FW Twitter king Clayton seems to get it. After today, maybe, Aly did, too. Let’s hope so.

Fox & “Fiends” Halloween

What was in Fox & Fiends Weekend witches’ brew this morning? According to the author’s recollections still clouded by this intriguing intoxicant, the odd ingredients were co-anchor Clayton Morris’ missing wedding ring, Rick Reichmuth’s piece of chocolate corset, and Dave Briggs’s drink of Cosmo with a dance by Alisyn Camerota to conjure up the potion’s magic. Eerily, this strange and powerful potation seemed to have worked its evil, making a “show about nothing” eminently watchable.

Seemingly, the first element placed into the blackened kettle was Clayton’s wedding band to add a golden glow. (If so, his wife Sara may not be overly pleased.) Apparently, the second was Rick’s strip of chocolate cloth torn from a maiden’s bodice. (Viewers, whether F&F’s meteorologist did indeed lick the young New York Chocolate Show model’s corset as proffered has yet to be determined.) Then Dave seemed to have added a glass of his Sex and the City fave Cosmo. (During the show, he seemed to have enjoyed its effects as he transmogrified from a mild-mannered family guy to a zany Kramer nailing the Seinfeld character’s speech, mannerisms, and dance.)* For the diabolic denouement, the bewitching damsel Aly did her Elaine dance before the final curtain call.

An unforgettable show? Perhaps, so. Dear reader, when the evil elixir wears off, hopefully, the author can remember these things if they were so.

*[For a snippet of Dave doing Kramer, cf. the A.S.S.]

Courtney Friel Resurrected

Happy Halloween from Courtney Friel, Fox News’ Morticia! Dressed in black, the former blond bikini Maxim model, seemingly, came back to life on the Live Desk today after her disappearance on September 3 (according to Inside Cable News).* However, like an apparition, her presence was strangely short-lived after she introduced a sound bite mid-story that failed to materialize.

Welcome back, Courtney! Maybe, you can stick around for a while next time.

*Live Desk – 10/30/09 (@2:37 p.m. ET)

John’s Halloween “Honey”

This Halloween Eve American Morning co-anchor John Roberts had his mind on the treats, not the tricks this morning. Deliciously and ironically so! As AM returned from a break almost mid-show with a shot of Charlotte, NC, to the tune of the Cure’s “Friday I’m in Love,” John announced, “Cloudy and fifty-eight degrees right now. Mostly honey with the sun.”

Co-host Kiran Chetry interjected, “Mostly honey? Hey! What’s on your mind this morning?” Laughing, John remarked, “Oh! What am I thinking about? It’s Friday. What the heck!” He chuckled heartily and smacked himself on the cheek with his rolled-up papers in mock censure. Beaming and looking straight into the camera, apparently, to his reported flame, CNN anchor Kyra Phillips said, “Hey, Honey!”

With a mischievous grin and a gleam in her eye, Kiran waved, “Hi, Honey!” Raising her eyebrows and then winking wickedly, she added, “It going to be mostly honey today.” Chuckling, John looked down, shook his head, and smacked it twice more.

Was your day off yesterday that sweet, John?

[Ironically, Kiran had a similar "honey" moment with former CNN legal eagle Sunny Hostin last year around this very time.]

Alina: AM’s “China Doll”?

American Morning guest co-host Alina Cho? Unbelievable. Truly! For some strange reason, the first generation daughter of Korean parents  seems to feel that she must look and be perfect–at all times.

Oft, in her appearance, she does not fall far from the mark with her sharp stiletto stilts and the rest of her haut couture habit. Of course, the notable exception is when she dangles her garish “ping-pong” necklaces around her neck like an albatross. Whereas fashion correspondent Lola Ogunnaike was AM’s “recessionista,” Alina is its Tiffany demoiselle.

In fact, during the segments with biz correspondent Christine Romans and co-host Kiran Chetry, one could almost hear the strains of David Bowie’s “China Girl.” In the first one, Christine kidded Alina about seeming to be a “nice white wine drinker.” In the second, Kiran teased her about her propensity to spend lavishly on herself. However, it was not her mien or garb that garnered the author’s attention this time: It was what she said.

As Christine’s second spot concluded, Alina asked, “Did California governor Arnold Swartzenegger slip a hidden and obscene message into his letter to state lawmakers?…There are seven lines in this note. And, if you’re good at those word-finder puzzles, you’re going to notice that the first letter in each line spells out ‘F,’ dash, dash, dash, Y-O-U. You can fill it in.” She added, “Well, the lawmaker who recently heckled the governor sponsored the bill in question so that may explain that coincidence….” Then sounding like the small-town garden club prez who “splains” herself after sharing a scurrilous rumor, Alina remarked, “But, I mean, it’s interesting. I don’t know if I believe it.”

[Carpe Diem reader, actually, the vertical acronym in Swartzenegger's missive spelled out "I-F-*-*-*-Y-O-U." N.B. The sponsor of the vetoed legislation was Assemblyman Tom Ammiano who had earlier told the former Mr. Universe to "kiss my gay ass." Coincidence? You make the call.]

Chris “Quiets” Kiran

Although the Twitter followers of American Morning co-host Kiran Chetry (recently Tweet reticent) may want to hear more from her, her hubby Chris Knowles does not. At least, that is, after 8:57 p.m. ET tonight. [The World Series between Chris' Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Yankees begins at that time.]

Today, initially, Kiran did not appear ready to fully embrace her new role as baseball widow. In fact, as AM co-anchor John Roberts read a headlines story about the Phillies trying to repeat their championship bid this year, Kiran remarked, “My husband said to me yesterday, ‘Don’t speak to me after 7:57.” Then when she segued to meteorologist Rob Marciano, she asked, “Would you ever tell your wife, ‘Don’t talk to me after 7:57?’” Rob replied, “No, I wouldn’t do that.”

Looking straight into the camera as if to Chris, Kiran responded. “See that!” Rob elaborated, “But, you know as you go along in a marriage, I think you get a little bit more leeway with that kind of talk.” Kiran laughed. Rick continued, “So, I think, you know, maybe, CK gets away with that stuff.”

When Rob tossed back to Kiran and John, a somewhat unctuously sympathetic John queried, “He really said, ‘Don’t talk to me after 7:57?” Kiran answered, “I think he was kidding.” Seeming to relish albeit ostensibly bemoaning Chris’ assertiveness, Kiran explained, “Well, first he said, ‘What are you making me to eat for the game.’ Then he said that.” Seemingly surprised, a smiling John gritted his teeth, arched his eyebrows, and mouthed, “What!” Kiran giggled with girlish glee.

Perhaps, after the game, Chris will “let” Kiran talk, or, at least, purr!

Shep: “Mile-High Club” Pilots?

For the second day in a row, Studio B’s Shepard Smith has intimated that the errant Northwest pilots may not have been on their laptops in the cockpit. However, he seemed to suggest that their “laptops” may have been otherwise occupied. I.e., they may have busy joining the V.I.P. section of the Mile High Club.

As Live Desk co-anchors Martha MacCallum and Trace Gallagher segued to Shep for his show this afternoon, Shep asked, “Trace, what do you think they were doing in that cockpit?”* Chuckling, Martha interjected, “I’ll tell you later!” Trace then replied, “I have my own theories: I just can’t say on national television.”

Suggestively, Shep responded, “I bet everybody’s thinking them.” Persuaded to share, Trace answered, “Yeah. They were saying the flight attendants were banging on the door. And, you’re like, were they trying to get in or trying to get [out]?” Racily, Martha added, “They were busy!” With a mischievous smile and a goatish gleam in his eye, Shep remarked, “They were a mile high!”

Grinning, Trace echoed, “They were a mile high, my man.” Looking down, Martha agreed, “They were!” Shep wantonly concluded, “Not that there’s a club but they were a mile high. More even.”

Live Desk – 10/27/09 (@2:59 p.m.)

Beck Sources: Rahm Moving On

According to Glenn Beck (host of FNC’s highly rated and rather controversial Glenn Beck Show) on Fox & Friends this morning, Rahm Emanuel’s days as chief of staff for President Obama are numbered. When was asked about the Chamber of Commerce inviting Emanuel to speak on November 4th (by co-anchor Gretchen Carlson), he replied, “You have one of the guys who has done…such an amazingly bad job on strategy recently that my sources tell me, ‘Rahm is going to be, Rahm is going to be moving some place.’”* He jested, “Maybe, he’s focusing on the future or something.”

Later, F&F co-host Brian Kilmeade asked, “Let me just follow up with something you just said before. And, you just said [that] you heard Rahm’s going to be moved. He could be moving out?” Shaking his heading and smiling impishly, he deadpanned, “I don’t know where that, that’s, that’s just me off the top of my head.” Not satisfied with his response, an incredulous Brian replied, “Oh, really?” Echoing Brian’s sentiment, Gretchen laughed, “Yeah, right, Glenn!”

Beck did not elaborate further.

*F&F (10/27/09) – @7:08 a.m.

A.M. Mammary Memories (More of Zain)

American Morning co-host John Roberts ribaldly recalls yet again Zain Verjee’s ample melons. After a Jeanne Moos segment featuring Improv Everywhere singing in a store’s produce section, co-anchor Kiran Chetry commented, “That never happens at my grocery store. How about you?” Randily John replied, “Well, there was that time Zain Verjee appeared in the produce department of a store.”

[For the reader who may not recollect, Zain Verjee appeared on an American Morning "Great Grocery Challenge" segment memorialized by Jon Stewart on his Comedy Central Daily Show. As she was interviewed by guest co-host Kyra Phillips in the produce aisle, Kyra racily remarked, "Nice melon [pause] behind you there!” Also present, a suddenly reddened John whirled around in disbelief and declared, “Whoa!”]

Looking lustily up with almost a leer, John chortled, “I remember fondly back on that.” Grinning, Kiran risquely added, “That’s right. It made everybody very hungry for watermelon, right?” John smiled broadly, chuckled, and remained wisely silent.*

Well, it is that frisky early A.M.!

AM – 10/27/08 (6:55 a.m. ET)

Williams: Wallace “Wacky”?

Fairly balanced? Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace may have abided being called to account by former Prez Bill Clinton (for allegedly being a Fox shill doing a conservative hit job on Clinton). However, he was somewhat more sensitive when Fox’s very own, i.e., Juan Williams, took him to task on the public option.

During FNS’s segment on Obamacare, Wallace declared, “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi [is] keeping hope alive for a government-run health insurance as a central feature of health care reform,” He further asserted, “It seems like it was only a week ago that everybody in this town said that the public option was dead. Turning to the panel, he asked, “[W]hat happened?”

When Williams’ time came, he sharply stated, “First of all, let me say, the premise of this question is just wacky.” After he and fellow panelist Bill Kristol subsequently debated the matter at length, Wallace declared, “Enough! Enough!” and added, “I’m tired of asking my wacky question.” As the segment concluded, he thanked the panel: Then, seemingly, still smarting somewhat, he glanced at Williams, threw up his hands, and said, “Sorry I asked a wacky question.”*

*FNC (Fox News Sunday) – 10/25/09 (12:55 p.m. ET)

Briggs: “Shameless” Garth Groupie

From the man who said, “There’s not much to me that tops waking up to Lee Greenwood,” it came as no great shock: Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Dave Briggs is a Garth Brooks groupie. After a headlines story that the country singer had sold out twenty shows in five hours, Dave revealed, “My favorite entertainer of all time!” To which, co-host Alisyn Camerota readily replied, “That does not surprise me.”

Co-anchor Clayton Morris mocked, “You [Dave] like it when he comes down on the wires. Like [sic] he swoops down, he gets all weepy.” Unapologetic, Dave declared, “I camped out for Garth Brooks as a young man. I love it. Every album, every song right here is in my I-Phone. I love him. I love him!”

In an effort to enlist meteorologist Rick Reichmuth in ribbing Dave further, Clayton said, “That’s the difference between…Rick, I camped out for Pink Floyd. What did you camp out for? However, unexpectedly coming to his office mate’s defense, Rick responded, “I actually, Garth Brooks is the…guy who got me into country music. He did. It’s amazing. He’s good!” Dave enthusiastically concurred, “Oh, me, too! He rocks!”

“Shameless,” Dave!

Three “Single” Days

What Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor has been missing his/her wedding ring for the last three days in a row? Yes, co-host Alisyn Camerota has hers on as usual, keeping her male admirers at an appropriate distance. Uncharacteristically, colleague Dave Briggs has worn his all three days: His wife Brandi must be handing it to him as he’s headed out the door. Strangely, it is Clayton Morris who has been conspicuously missing his wedding band Friday, Saturday, and today. Does Sarah need to start minding her boy, too?

Game Gretchen: “Hubby, Daddy”

Today Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Gretchen Carlson gave a saucy “shout-out” to her hubby Casey Close. After co-anchor Steve Doocy defended his use of the term “mommy” for his wife during a “Don’t Say That!” segment (featuring an Esquire article about words a man should never say), Gretchen agreed. She said, “I’ve heard a lot of men do that: My husband hasn’t started that yet.”

As a spicy aside, she playfully pleaded, “Hubby, Daddy, if you’re watching, don’t call me ‘mommy.’” When Brian Kilmeade subsequently asked her if the moniker was a turn-off as a woman, Gretchen responded, “I just said, I just said to my daddy at home, ‘Don’t call me “mommy.”‘”

Apparently, not all of the games in the Close household are on the field.

Brian Kneads Gretch

During Fox & Friends’ “Stimulating Beauty” segment today, co-host Gretchen Carlson seemed to be naughtily kneaded.* Co-anchor Steve Doocy introduced the story, facetiously declaring, “Brian, I know that it has always been a dream of yours to be a professional massage therapist.” To which, Brian replied, “[I've] been an amateur so long.” Meanwhile, only observing and remaining silent, Gretchen grinned broadly.

Continuing his story, Steve stated, “Here’s the good news….Apparently, you can use stimulus money to do just that.” Brian responded, “Really? A lot of people use massages to get stimulated so this is a perfect mix.” Immediately, Gretchen’s eyes bulged and her jaw dropped; trying to regain her composure, she shut her mouth and abashedly placed both her hands over her face; and then she simply looked at Brian and smiling shook her head in utter amazement.

Thereafter, when Steve had finished his account (of the $2.3 million of the federal stimulus money going to training Tampa, Florida, “massage therapists, nail technicians, and hair dressers”), Gretchen guffawed and said, “Excuse me…while I pick up my jaw from Brian’s last comment.” Her randy mental masseur Brian merely chuckled.

Rub-a-dub-dub!

*Fox & Friends – 10/19/09 (@8:34 a.m. ET)

Clayton: Wolf! Wolf!

Fox & Friends Weekend falls short again: what a wager waste! Dave Briggs returned, and the fans were spurned. The Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor paid up his lost bet with a plug nickel and, not surprisingly, his hapless co-host Clayton Morris happily accepted it.

As the reader may recall, Clayton announced that the loser of the Philadelphia Phillies/Colorado Rockies wager would wear the opposing team’s uniform for the entire show and serve up the winner’s hometown delicacies. After the Rockies lost and Dave subsequently returned, the author cautioned Dave not to “welch” on his bet the way he had accused Kilmeade of doing. Dave Tweeted, “[Y]es @Jakeho I will pay up on the bet, Sunday & it will hurt.”

Today instead of biting the bullet and putting on his full Phillies regalia from the get-go, Dave waited until the very last minute of the show (9:59 a.m. ET) and served up Philadelphia cheesesteaks in simply a Phillies baseball cap and jersey. The more jaded Fox & Friends viewer probably expected this half-hearted and partially fulfilled promise to the fans. After all, Clayton had let Brian Kilmeade and Gretchen Carlson out of their lost Philadelphia Eagles/New York Giants wager after tantalizing the F&F audience for weeks with a similarly humbling outcome.

Fooled me once, shame on you, Clayton. Fooled me twice, shame on me! Lesson learned. What was that again, Clayton? Wolf?