Posts Tagged ‘Viagra’

Shep de Sade: Kubrick’s Clare Quilty?

August 12, 2010

The Marquis is back! However, Studio B‘s Shepard Smith de Sade reappeared as the spent, jaded Clare Quilty as he reran his evil tired tripe, i.e., the Trampoline Bear video today. He seemed almost desperate to find anew that thrill that now eluded him and that Viagra could not even bring back. With a stone face and a monotone delivery, he announced, “Bear Alert.”*

Before polluting Fox News’ airwaves again with his favorite animal cruelty cine, he showed an adorable black bear cub chowing down on garbage in a Georgia driveway. After doing so, he cautioned, “While cute, the local sheriff is warning residents ‘do not leave food out for the bears.'” Then, as he aired once again the Trampoline Bear clip (of a black bear falling from a tree onto a trampoline, being propelled high into the air, and then crashing headfirst into the ground), Shep cackled, “And, of course, trampolines are always–ha, ha, ha, ha, ha–trampolines are always a great deterrent.”

Poor Shepard Smith was more of a sad spectacle today than even his Trampoline Bear.

Update: Perhaps, Shep changed his prescription to Cialis or Levitra after Studio B. For his Fox Report, he tried again to find his thrill and prematurely injected his “Bear Alert” at mid-show.** However, this time he seemed to, at least, fake a bit more enthusiasm as the video climaxed, as almost verbatim he repeated, “And, of course, trampolines are always an excellent deterrent.”

*Studio B with Shepard Smith – 08/12/10 (@3:59 p.m. ET)

**Fox Report with Shepard Smith – 08/12/10 (@7:29 p.m. ET)

Viagra Rejuvenates F&F

August 9, 2010

Kilmeade: “Sure to get a rise out of you.” Fox & Friends co-anchors Gretchen Carlson, Brian Kilmeade, and Peter Johnson, Jr., titillated rising viewers with double entendres aplenty this morning. During F&F’s “‘Right’ to Subsidized Viagra” segment, the three got a little frisky with FBN anchor Stuart Varney.

Introducing the segment, Gretchen guffawed, “One teachers union in Milwaukee is demanding that taxpayers pony up public dollars for private business. They say they have the right to free Viagra, and they’re suing the school system to get it. Stu, this is one of those amazing stories that woke me up this morning.”*

Before Stuart could give his contrary take, a bawdy Brian interjected, “Sure to get a rise out of you.” As Gretchen snickered off-camera, an incredulous Stewart laughed, “What!” Then, he added, “Cue that sound effect.” Joining the ribald revelry, Peter jested, “No, it’s a stimulus, isn’t it?” while producers added their own purported phallic phoenix audio.

As the carnal banter began to subside, ironically, then the excitement really started as Peter roused Stuart with his seeming advocacy of the mandated coverage of the male stimulant. As Stuart bemoaned the possibility of taxpayers having to pay for Viagra for teachers based onĀ  “gender discrimination,” Peter remarked, “They’re saying women teachers have estrogen cream. And, then men are saying, ‘We should have Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra.’ So you’re…against them?”

Stuart exclaimed, “This is not a legal issue!” Countering, Peter declared, “Well, it’s a moral issue.” Stuart conceded, “A moral issue and a financial issue.” Sounding almost facetious, Peter persisted, “Don’t you want these people to be happy, Stuart?” Stuart rejoined, “Wait a minute, I know…you’re trying to get me going. I am not rising to the bait.” Peter chuckled, “No, I’m not. Not at all.”

Later in the discussion, it really got animated between Peter and Stuart when Peter asked, “Should we be deciding what prescriptions our public teachers get?” Looking at Peter with disdain, Stuart retorted, “Are you a lawyer?” Interjecting, Brian answered, “Yes, yes, he is.” Rhetorically, Stuart replied, “He is?” Biting back, Peter queried, “Are you a doctor?” Turning to Peter, Stuart snapped, “Don’t you think that in America we’re fed up with the rule of lawyers as opposed to the rule of law?

Responding somewhat softly, Peter asked, “What about the rule of people who want to have children? What if a man can’t achieve…potency?” As Stuart stared in disbelief and scratched his head in utter bemusement, Peter continued, “No, I’m serious. Are you going to decide, Stuart Varney, what drugs our public employees get? Exasperated, Stuart riposted, “Where’s Steve!” As Brian and Gretchen screamed with laughter and the floor crew roared in amusement, a soft-spoken Peter insisted, “So, seriously.”

Viagra: bringing serious fun back to F&F fans.

*Fox & Friends – 08/09/10 (@6:39 a.m. ET)

Update: Video (via Johnny Dollar’s Place)

Juliet: “I Don’t Like [Gore]”

December 17, 2009

On Red Eye yesterday, FNC anchor Juliet Huddy revealed that she is not kissing the ring of the green pontiff, Al Gore. And, she was not shy about it.

During a segment on Gore’s mistaken claim that the Arctic could be free of ice during summer within five years, Red Eye second banana Bill Shulz opined, “I feel that Al Gore pops more GOP blood vessels than Scotch and Viagra combined. I don’t get why you guys hate this person so much.” Slapping Bill on the shoulder, Juliet exclaimed, “Oh, I can tell you. I don’t like the man.”

When Red Eye host Greg Gutfeld asked her why, Juliet explained, “I had to follow him in politics back in ’97 back in Miami. And, he saw the Fox News mike flag go up, and he sneered at me. And I asked a question.” Bill sarcastically interjected, “I wonder why. We’ve been taking potshots.” Julie laughingly scoffed, “Not back then we didn’t.”

Gore sneered: Juliet shrugged, not.

*Red Eye – 12/16/09 (@3:05 a.m. ET)

E.D.? A.M. Viagra

May 7, 2009

With co-anchor John Roberts away, the girls will play! As American Morning opened it’s early erectile-dysfunction-commercial-regulation segment to the thumping beat of AC/DC’s “Hard as a Rock,” the camera lovingly surveyed it’s co-host honeys, Kiran Chetry and Carol Costello, from various angles and then finally zoomed in. Grinning broadly, Carol Costello placed her hand to her mouth and said, “So wrong on so many levels: The choice of songs which you’ll understand in just a minute.” Struggling to keep a straight face, Kiran facetiously replied, “Yeah, but they have nothing to do with the stories: It’s just, you know, it’s a, it’s a real, it’s a random selection.” Rolling her eyes, Carol responded “Yes! Sure!”

Of course, Kiran then segued to Jim Moran’s attempt to ban daytime e.d. ads, e.g., Levitra, Viagra, and Cialis. No nexus indeed! Just AM executive producer Janelle Rodriguez spicing it up!

“We Don’t Need Another Hero”

October 12, 2008

The lyrics of Tina Turner, leggy queen of Southern soul, seem to echo in the minds of McCain’s Republican faithful now. Once again another GOP American war hero is playing second fiddle to his more youthful, charming, and charismatic Dem counterpart. Like World War II veteran Bob Dole, Bill Clinton’s 1996 presidential opponent, John McCain seems to have left his fighting spirit on the battlefield: perhaps, soon he’ll be happy making copious appearances on the talk show circuit and singing the praises of Viagra, too!