Gretchen: “Unless You’d Like Me Nude” Again

Brian: How many people want to see Gretchen naked? FBN anchor Stuart Varney, for one, apparently. Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson got FBN’s biz brain all excited this morning as the “naked” weather gal this morning. And, he was ready for an encore!

Immediately, before Varney’s appearance, Gretchen and co-anchor Brian Kilmeade did the weathercast (since co-anchor and Kansas Jayhawks FAN Steve Doocy had been “forced” to do sports and report the Kentucky NCAA championship victory over Kansas).* Initially, Brian stepped before the “weather wall” and asked Gretchen to join him as his assistant. Waving her in, Brian rakishly queried, “How many people want to see Gretchen naked? Let’s make this thing happen!” Exclaiming, “What!,” Gretchen sashayed to join him at the green “weather wall” in her  similarly colored dress.” When her dress became invisible, she began to seductively dance a la a cinematic Arabian harem girl. In response, Brian joked, “Finally, the ghost of Mrs. Muir to 1968!”

Subsequently, Gretchen and Brian joined Steve on the curvy couch for their interview of Varney on the GSA Vegas party brouhaha. As Varney’s segment concluded, Brian teased FBN’s Varney & Co. and then Steve jested, “Do you need Brian and Gretch to come help you with weather?” Without a scintilla of hesitation, Varney emphatically exclaimed, “I’d like another forecast like that one! Yes, sir!”

Chuckling heartily, Gretchen declared, “I might have to change my dress, though.” Suddenly, snapping his head toward her, Varney pleaded, “Don’t!” Perhaps, channeling Mae West, Gretchen purred, “Unless you’d like me nude for a second time around.” Looking down and shaking his head, Varney replied, “No comment!”

Gretchen, ‘nuf said?

*Fox & Friends – 04/03/12 (@ 6:37 a.m. ET)

Apology: Brian’s K.I.S.S.

Kilmeade Keeps It Short & Simple. Today Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade apologized for controversial and inaccurate comments that he made about Muslims last Friday. When defending Bill O’Reilly for saying on The View that “Muslims attacked us on on 9/11,” Brian had declared, “They were outraged that someone was saying that there was a reason, there was a certain group of people that attacked us on 9/11. It wasn’t just one person, it was one religion. Not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims.” Not surprisingly, he sustained significant flack for his statement, including being named the “World’s Worst Person” and called an un-American bastard by MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann on his Countdown program. This morning, Brian said, “Sorry.”

As his sports segment ended in the first hour (@ 6:37 a.m. ET), Brian tersely stated, “On this show on Friday, I was talking about Bill O’Reilly’s appearance on The View and I said this: Not all Muslims are terrorists but all terrorists are Muslims. Well, I misspoke. I don’t believe all terrorists are Muslims. I’m sorry about that if I offended or offended [sic] or hurt anybody’s feelings. But, that’s it.” Segueing immediately to the next segment with barely a pause, Brian continued, “Now, let’s go over to Stuart [Varney, a FBN business news guest].

And, that was it.

Update: Apology vid via Johnny Dollar’s Place.

Megyn Goes Bottomless

America Live co-host Megyn Kelly treated her male admirers to a strange exhibition this morning. As Slate author Troy Patterson aptly observed, Megyn is “comfortably upfront about working her sex appeal.” However, today, was a different matter altogether: Fox News’ sexy siren went completely bottomless.

Unfortunately, for Megyn’s amorous acolytes, the DVR will probably not display their ardent desire: Rather, it may give them their most noxious nightmare. No, her long luscious legs were not on display nor were her “killer B’s” but Fox News censorious content of late was. E.g., instead of FNC’s usual lingering looks at Megyn’s sexy stems during interviews with regular guests such as Stuart Varney, Monica Crowley, and Richard Socarides, it gave its viewers not a single shot of Megyn’s legs nor a compensatory gaze at her ample bosom to boot.

With America’s Newsroom’s new look, Happening Now‘s Live Desk design, and, apparently, now America Live‘s sexless schema, Fox News vibrant viewers are simply left with Fox & Friends femme fatale, Gretchen Carlson. Enough to carry the day, or, at least, the morning? Only the ratings will tell.

Update: Johnny Dollar kindly e-mailed the explanation for Megyn’s “going bottomless” on AL. He revealed, “Megyn is in a different studio. Hers is being revamped for election-night duties. The shots are close-in because it’s a smaller space.”

Viagra Rejuvenates F&F

Kilmeade: “Sure to get a rise out of you.” Fox & Friends co-anchors Gretchen Carlson, Brian Kilmeade, and Peter Johnson, Jr., titillated rising viewers with double entendres aplenty this morning. During F&F’s “‘Right’ to Subsidized Viagra” segment, the three got a little frisky with FBN anchor Stuart Varney.

Introducing the segment, Gretchen guffawed, “One teachers union in Milwaukee is demanding that taxpayers pony up public dollars for private business. They say they have the right to free Viagra, and they’re suing the school system to get it. Stu, this is one of those amazing stories that woke me up this morning.”*

Before Stuart could give his contrary take, a bawdy Brian interjected, “Sure to get a rise out of you.” As Gretchen snickered off-camera, an incredulous Stewart laughed, “What!” Then, he added, “Cue that sound effect.” Joining the ribald revelry, Peter jested, “No, it’s a stimulus, isn’t it?” while producers added their own purported phallic phoenix audio.

As the carnal banter began to subside, ironically, then the excitement really started as Peter roused Stuart with his seeming advocacy of the mandated coverage of the male stimulant. As Stuart bemoaned the possibility of taxpayers having to pay for Viagra for teachers based on  “gender discrimination,” Peter remarked, “They’re saying women teachers have estrogen cream. And, then men are saying, ‘We should have Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra.’ So you’re…against them?”

Stuart exclaimed, “This is not a legal issue!” Countering, Peter declared, “Well, it’s a moral issue.” Stuart conceded, “A moral issue and a financial issue.” Sounding almost facetious, Peter persisted, “Don’t you want these people to be happy, Stuart?” Stuart rejoined, “Wait a minute, I know…you’re trying to get me going. I am not rising to the bait.” Peter chuckled, “No, I’m not. Not at all.”

Later in the discussion, it really got animated between Peter and Stuart when Peter asked, “Should we be deciding what prescriptions our public teachers get?” Looking at Peter with disdain, Stuart retorted, “Are you a lawyer?” Interjecting, Brian answered, “Yes, yes, he is.” Rhetorically, Stuart replied, “He is?” Biting back, Peter queried, “Are you a doctor?” Turning to Peter, Stuart snapped, “Don’t you think that in America we’re fed up with the rule of lawyers as opposed to the rule of law?

Responding somewhat softly, Peter asked, “What about the rule of people who want to have children? What if a man can’t achieve…potency?” As Stuart stared in disbelief and scratched his head in utter bemusement, Peter continued, “No, I’m serious. Are you going to decide, Stuart Varney, what drugs our public employees get? Exasperated, Stuart riposted, “Where’s Steve!” As Brian and Gretchen screamed with laughter and the floor crew roared in amusement, a soft-spoken Peter insisted, “So, seriously.”

Viagra: bringing serious fun back to F&F fans.

*Fox & Friends – 08/09/10 (@6:39 a.m. ET)

Update: Video (via Johnny Dollar’s Place)