“Princess” Dave: Lord of the Ring?

“It’s to take you off the market!” Fox & Friends Weekend own royal co-anchor “Princess” Dave Briggs seemed to pine for England’s Prince William, or, at least, his purported regal right, not to wear a wedding ring. During two different royal wedding segments Saturday and Sunday past, Dave reminded himself, his guests, and his viewers that wearing a wedding ring was to “take you off the market” and less than convincingly claimed that he himself loved wearing his own every day.

On Saturday, Dave presided over an F&FW debate subtitled “Breaking with Tradition: Prince William Won’t Wear a Ring” (between The Princess of Nowhere author Prince  Lorenzo Borghese and eponymous match-making company founder Amy Laurent). Initiating the discussion, Dave declared, “We wear a ring for a reason, Lorenzo. It’s to honor the institution; it’s to honor your wife; [and] it’s to take you off the market!”* Later, to Laurent, he elaborated, “A lot of wives want their man to wear a ring to kind of take them off the market.”

Then, on behalf of the British royal and, perhaps, himself, he queried, “I think that we all are going to know that Prince William is off the market: so, why should he have to wear one? He says [that] he’s not a jewelry guy: is that okay?” When Laurent objected to his proposition, Dave declared, “Well, I don’t like to wear jewelry: I wear my ring everyday.” For those who missed it the first time, he happily iterated, “I’m not a jewelry guy: I wear my ring.”

However, on Sunday, co-anchor Alisyn Camerota called Dave’s claim into question before their interview with psychologist Jeffrey Gardere about Prince Williams’ regal prerogative. Introducing the topic, Aly asserted, “You heard it here yesterday: The prince and his fiancee, Kate Middleton, have decided [that] it’s okay for him not to wear a wedding band. But what does that say about his decision and other men who don’t wear wedding bands about their personality?”** As she said “and other men who don’t wear wedding bands,” she turned to Dave with an impish smile. In response, a beaming Dave pursed his lips, arched his eyebrows, and mischievously muttered, “Hmm.”

Subsequently, Dr. Gardere answered, “[I]t tells me that, perhaps, his commitment is not there as much as his bride who wants to wear the wedding band…because we know [it] is a physical, emotional, [and] spiritual connection to your partner and a commitment. And, of course, when your partner wears it out, it says that ‘hey, I belong to someone else.’ So, for the good Prince to not want to wear one, I think [that] it goes back to some old sexist views that women are property to men.”

Coming to the defense of the fair Prince, Dave declared, “Well, I mean, when you’re getting married in front of hundreds of millions, perhaps, a billion people, every woman in the world will know he’s married. So, he doesn’t need that, that mark to take him off the market.” Interjecting, a grinning Gardere leaned forward and exclaimed, “‘That mark,’ he says. You heard that, Aly? The mark!” Defensively, Dave declared, “Well, look, I love wearing the, I love wearing a wedding ring–but, it’s very different when you’re Prince William [who] everyone knows [is] married.” Later, he added, “Okay, Middleton reportedly says [that] she’s okay with it.”

In Dave’s “good old days,” Dave’s wife Brandi seemed “okay” with Dave not wearing his ring.  In fact, after the author noted its absence almost two years ago, Dave soon thereafter explained, “I forget where I put my wedding ring all the time….My wife knows this.” Five days later, Dave wished Brandi a happy sixth anniversary in an F&FW on-air phone call without a wedding band on his hand: when a concerned Twitter follower noted the absent ring three weeks later, Dave explicated, “Ahh yes my wedding ring, I did lose it a few weeks ago and have been scrambling around looking for it. I am very happily married.”

Nevertheless, Brandi appeared to revoke Dave’s license a few months thereafter. Perhaps, she wanted to make sure that such guests as the incredibly sexy Miss Universe 2009 Stefania Fernandez and suddenly single guest co-hosts Ainsley Earhardt knew that her boy was “off the market.” Now, Dave loves to wear his wedding ring every day.

At least, on air.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 04/02/11 (@ 8:52 a.m. ET)

**Fox & Friends Weekend – 04/03/11 (@ 8:53 a.m. ET)

AM: All Ms. (Bristol Palin)

Five features for the Dancing with the Stars finalist! In one of the strangest American Morning shows yet, co-host Kiran Chetry and CNN correspondent Carol Costello elevated Bristol Palin, former governor Sarah Palin‘s daughter, almost to the status of America’s Princess. On a day when AM celebrated Great Britain’s Prince William and his fiancee Kate Middleton extensively, it likewise covered America’s Tea Party Princess Bristol Palin albeit with more caustic commentary.

On this surreal American Morning, Bristol appeared thrice in “Morning Talkers” (Kiran/John Roberts’ confab) as to her PSA with the Jersey Shore‘s Situation in an abstinence/safe-sex spot and twice in “Gut Check” (Carol’s report) as to her advancement to the final on ABC’s DWTS. However, this American Morning princess was not well received by either Kiran or Carol.

In the “Morning Talkers” segments, Kiran appeared loaded for bear, or the Mama Grizzly’s cub, at least. In the very first one, Kiran laughed that the single mom’s paean to abstinence was “jaw-dropping” and “painful to watch…(that’s why I wanted to bring it to you guys).”* In the next one, Kiran noted, that Bristol’s words were “cringe inducing” immediately before joyfully announcing that Michael Vick, convicted felon and animal abuser–incidentally,  the quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles, her husband Chris Knowles’ favorite team–appeared possibly headed for redemption as the NFL’s MVP this year.** Then, in the third and final one, Kiran scoffed at Bristol, saying, “Some fine acting….I think that people should practice what they preach about that.”***

[After Kiran made that acerbic remark about Bristol, co-anchor John Roberts told Kiran that her microphone was off. In reply Kiran replied, “Maybe, my mike was off for a reason: I couldn’t put my foot in my mouth.” Unfortunately for Kiran, she could: her audience was still able to hear her.]

In Carol’s “Gut Check” story (which aired twice),**** Bristol fared no better. When John segued to Carol’s report, he declared, “While the judges may not exactly love her moves, the television audience keeps pushing Palin through, leaving some people to wonder if, maybe, we’re witnessing a vast conservative conspiracy.” Leaving little doubt as to where she stood, Carol replied, “If Bristol Palin’s presence on Dancing with the Stars proves anything, it proves just how partisan we’ve become as a nation.” Darkly, she added, “I’m sure you’ve heard this: some believe the only reason Bristol Palin remains on Dancing with the Stars is because of the Tea Party/Republican conspiracy.”

AM‘s Bristol Palin: no common, ordinary girl.

*American Morning – 11/17/10 (@ 6:24 a.m. ET)

**American Morning – 11/17/10 (@ 7:25 a.m. ET)

***American Morning – 11/17/10 (@ 8:21 a.m. ET)

****American Morning – 11/17/10 (@ 6:32 a.m. ET)

****American Morning – 11/17/10 (@ 8:31 a.m. ET)

G.I. Ken’s Flight of Fantasy

After a news item about Prince William’s landing of an RAF helicopter in the garden of his amie Kate Middleton, Fox & Friends guest co-host Greg Kelly shared his flight school fantasy. (ExtraTV’s 2007 “Most Eligible Anchorman in America” and the son of NYPD’s police commissioner was a nine-year pilot in the U.S. Marine Corps and is now a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Marine Corps Reserve.) Kelly said, “I used to fantasize about landing my aircraft on somebody’s lawn, seriously, in flight school but I would have been court-martialed.”

When Steve Doocy and Alisyn Camerota’s queried, ‘Whose lawn?,” Kelly elaborated, “I actually had this all planned out. I showed up at some cocktail party in the afternoon with my Harrier jet and I got out…Said sorry I got to go but I’ll see YOU later.”

Ali replied, “That would have been great.” Doocy commented, “That’s the life of our Colonel McDreamy. Fox News’ Kelly answered, “But that’s my dream life: McDreamy dreams.”

Spitzer’s Sins: Hubris & Hypocrisy

NY Gov. Eliot “Steamroller” Spitzer resigned in disgrace yesterday. Time’s Crusader of the Year and Wall Street’s Elliott Ness brought his promising political career to a premature end. He faces possible Mann Act, “structuring,” and prostitution felony charges. (In D.C., the normally misdemeanor prostitution charge is a felony.) Is he in trouble for the underlying morals charge? No. However, Spitzer prosecuted two call-girl services similar to the one he frequented and did so with strident and acerbic denunciations: ergo, the feds have an extra incentive to make this hypocritical highest law enforcement officer in New York accountable. In his take-no-prisoners white-collar prosecutions and his arrogant strong-arm tactics, he gained favorable media headlines but no faithful friends. Now the emperor has no clothes. In the bedroom or in the pressroom.

As Spitzer fizzles, his alleged courtesan, Ashley Alexandra Dupre a/k/a Kristen can now afford to retire from the world’s oldest profession. The comely chanteuse can now exploit the situation as she contemplates offers to pose for Penthouse (unknown amount) and Hustler ($1,000,000), to give an exclusive to the entertainment show Extra for $100,000, a probable one to write a book, etc. According to FNC, Conde Nast Portfolio reports that her song, “Can You Handle Me, Boy? Sex, Money, Drugs Is What I’m All About,” has been downloaded one million times already and presages that she will earn a million dollars by next week by virtue of her downloads. Further, the New York Post said that Ashley’s MySpace page has had 5 million hits. The Emperor’s Club VIP has been linked to the Duke of Westminister (one of the richest men in the world and the godfather of Prince William), has been seen with P. Diddy’s posse, and has performed in a video with NY rapper Mysterious.

Did Spitzer give us the new Paris Hilton?