AM Adopts F&F’s Couch (But, Shep’s Commode?)

The De-Klein and Fall of American Morning in one day? Today AM co-hosts Christine Romans and Ali Velshi and their audience celebrated the long-awaited arrival of their cozy “curvy couch” (a la FNC’s Fox & Friends). However, regrettably, along with it came a real Fox News seat–the unflushed porcelain throne of Shepard Smith–still filled with the Ole Miss devotee’s disgusting dung, i.e., the offensive seven-year old Trampoline Bear video.

As AM began today, the camera panned over the comfy couch that AM co-host Kiran Chetry had apparently teased almost three months ago to Mediaite.com reporter Tommy Christopher. For far too long, the AM audience had suffered under the inane adage of former CNN chief Jon Klein that “couches/chairs sap energy.” However, today, his successor Ken Jautz clearly took yet another shackle off of his AM co-hosts to free them to be “more upbeat,” “more compelling…engaging, [and] sometimes more fun.” I.e., to sit down and talk to their AM audience as personal friends and family rather than stand and chat with them as casual acquaintances and customers.

Unfortunately, Ali and Christine spoiled the delightful debut of AM‘s divan with a gratuitously thrice-aired video of ugly, ursine plight. After running a headline news story about a little brown bear near some Albuquerque, New Mexico, apartments (that had to be sedated and then lowered by ropes into a bag), Christine gleefully commented, “That gives us, of course, an excuse to resurrect this oldie but goodie.”

Chiming in (a la Shep de Sade), Ali exclaimed, “I, I never get tired of this one. This is Missoula, Montana, a similar situation.” As the Trampoline Bear vid ran showing the black bear falling from the tree onto the trampoline, being hurled high into the air, plunging into the hard earth, and then crumpling under its own weight, Christine chortled, “Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!, and Ali cooed, “Ooh! Oww!”

Trying to assuage her horrified viewers, Christine hastily added, “He was fine! He was fine!” Then, as AM producers aired anew the repulsive footage, Ali baldly asserted, “I’d only show this to you again because he was fine.” Offering his personal color commentary as the bear took its crushing course into an unforgiving ground, Aly continued, “He bumps on the trampoline once and then [pause] off the trampoline.” Then, incredibly, the AM producers ran the video a third time for good–or, rather evil–measure.

About thirty minutes later, Christine and Aly cheerfully exhibited their Cyclopean couch to their viewers as they returned from break.** As the camera closed in on them, a blushing Christine chuckled and Aly announced, “We have our new couch!” Christine commented, “I like it.” Concurring, Ali replied, “I like this, too.”

So does the author. In fact, he suggested the couch about two and half years ago when Klein was in control. Bouquets, Jautz, for the welcome change.

But, brickbats, Ali and Christine, for adopting Shep’s used toilet. Flush his filth and clean CNN’s studio. And, apologize to your AM fans.

*American Morning – 05/16/11 (@ 7:10 a.m. ET)

**American Morning – 05/16/11 (@ 7:42 a.m. ET)

Shep the Schlep

Shepard still wallowing in his own vomit. And, Fox News is still enabling the Ole Miss good old boy that failed to graduate–or mature. Friday, on Fox Report, Shep de Sade (er, Shep de Sad) once again exploited the black bear, ironically, the mascot of his beloved school, during yet another infamous “Bear Alert.”

After reporting on an Alaskan-black-bear-hibernation study, including video (more aptly, a “Cool Critters” segment), with potential benefits for astronauts on long missions, Shep seized the opportunity to air gratuitously yet again the cringe-inducing excerpt of the Trampoline Bear video. As he concluded his story, Shep jested that instead of aiding human astronauts, that “we could just bounce the bears into space.”* Of course, he simultaneously ran the repugnant eight-year-old footage of a tranquilized black bear’s horrific headfirst plunge into an unforgiving terra firma.

Most disconcerting was–and is–Shep’s ignoble glee in the black bear’s plight. If he treats animals so poorly on television, one may ask if he treats humans much better off of it. E.g., did Shep really stand up heroically for the Hurricane Katrina victims or did he simply Pharisaically pose for his Fox News fans.

It’s high time for FNC to tell Shep to shape up or ship out!

*Fox Report with Shepard Smith – 02/18/11 (@ 7:57 p.m. ET)

Ole Miss’ Colonel Shep

Trampoline Bear Abuse or Cool Critter Celebration? As Shepard Smith‘s beloved Ole Miss progresses forward with its mascot pick of the Rebel Black Bear to replace Colonel Reb, the Studio B and Fox Report anchor continues to be conflicted about moving forward from his signature segment “Bear Alert” to a more animal-friendly “Cool Critters.” As a case in point, last Thursday, Shep reported the very same story (about a newborn Atlanta panda cub) under the respective rubrics differently on his two daily FNC programs: To wit, on Studio B, Shep narrated the tale as the “Bear Alert,” accompanying it as usual with the cruel Trampoline Bear video (showing a tranquilized bear falling from a tree onto a trampoline, being hurled high into the air, and then crashing headfirst into the unyielding ground) whereas on the Fox Report, Shep retold it as a “Cool Critters” story without the repugnant Trampoline Bear clip.

Unfortunately, Shep’s recent setback occurred just a mere week to the day that he showed significant promise on Studio B during his “Bear Report.” On that show, he aired the Trampoline Bear clip but he elided the offensive frames of the black bear crashing into the concrete-like earth albeit jesting about “bear trampoline safety.” Optimistic that Shep may have turned a proverbial corner, the author penned, Carpe Diem‘s “Hope Springs Eternal” that he would not “return to his vomit.”

Unfortunately, Shep did just that as he returned to his folly Thursday on Studio B‘s “Bear Alert.” But, did he repent a mere three hours later on Fox Report‘s “Cool Critters”? Hope may spring eternal, but its flame is dimmed with each passing day.

Colonel Shep, walk into the light!

Update: Eight days later (last Friday), Fox Report producers took a different tack. Instead of choosing between the rubric “Bear Alert” or “Cool Critters,” they did both basically. As guest host Jon Scott previewed the FR‘s final segment entitled “Bear Buddies” (about an older female polar bear at Highland Wildlife Park in Kingussie, Scotland, being introduced to a twenty-three-month-old male as a companion), Jon commented, “Now, Bear Alert and Cute [sic?] Critter Alert, Britain’s only polar bear getting a new friend but don’t expect cubbies anytime soon.” The odious Trampoline Bear video did not run after this conflated alert. More progress?

*Fox Report with Shepard Smith – 11/12/10 (@ 7:54 a.m. ET)

As a Dog Returns to Its Vomit

So Shep returns to his Trampoline Bear video. Alas, Fox News’ Shepard Smith’s “‘Bear Alert’ to end all ‘Bear Alerts”  (Ole Miss mascot) Thursday was not to be. Unfortunately, on the Fox Report Friday, Shep aired yet another “Bear Report”–and, of course, his favorite animal cruelty cine.*

As Shep read his “Bear Report” about an errant black bear on New York’s Rochester Institute of Technology campus that had to be tranquilized and trapped, he showed a photo of the downed animal. Joking, Shep remarked, “At just one and a half years old, the bear is too young for college anyway.” Then, as he ran the Trampoline Bear vid, supra, he laughed, “It should be playing on trampolines.”

Interestingly, Shep did not air the video chronologically this time, instead he began it midway with the Trampoline Bear a/k/a Black Bear Reb barreling into the ground headfirst and crumpling under its weight (and then looped it to show the black bear falling from the tree onto the trampoline and bouncing high into the air.) Perhaps, like a spoiled and petulant child, Shep just could not wait for his “dessert.”

Apparently, the coronation of Ole Miss’ Black Bear Reb has sadly changed nothing for Shep. Like a party-hardy frat boy, Shep just cannot seem to quit throwing up. If he does not, just how long Shep’s Fox News viewers can tolerate the stench is the salient question.

Fox Report – 10/15/10 (@7:58 p.m. ET)

Shep’s Trampoline Bear: Ole Miss Mascot?

“The Bear Alert to end all Bear Alerts.” Hoddy Toddy! Yesterday Ole Miss alum Shepard Smith gleefully celebrated the fall of his beloved Ole Miss’ new mascot yesterday on his show Studio B. Before doing so in his final segment, Shep announced,  “Now the mother of all ‘Bear Alerts.’ Get used to the bear. It’s the granddaddy of all ‘Bear Alerts.'”* He added, “The ‘Bear Alert’ to end all ‘Bear Alerts.” [Hopefully, it was.]

Proudly, Shep reported, “You see, a certain university in a certain Southern state has now chosen a new mascot [with] 62% of the vote. And, with that we present the Ole Miss Rebel Black Bear.” Subsequently, he showed depictions of the new mascot in a basketball uniform, football jersey, and frat-boy coat and tie. As he devilishly intoned, “As we all know, our bear will be most comfortable,” the Trampoline Bear video began to run. Perhaps, in poetic justice, just before the black bear plunged head-first into the ground and crumpled under its own weight, Shep began, “That’s the Rebel Bear bouncing on the trampoline: then he exclaimed, “Hotty Toddy! Beat Alabama!”

If that is indeed the Rebel Bear, Bama head coach Nick Saban may want to borrow Shep’s Trampoline Bear video. It might do wonders to fire up his players and the fans before the big game Saturday. In fact, all of Ole Miss’ future opponents make want to take note. Bear alert!

*Studio B with Shepard Smith – 10/14/10 (@3:58 p.m.)

Related stories (in chronological order) are as follow:
Shep’s Trampoline Bear: PETA MIA” (June 7, 2010);”
Banderas’ “Teachable Moment’?” (July 25, 2010); ”
Banderas Responds: Bars Bear Vid” (June 27, 2010);
“Banderas Recants Apology” (June 27, 2010);
“Shep de Sade” (July 28, 2010);
“Banderas: ‘Not My Fault’” (August 3, 2010);
“Shep de Sade’s Bad Boys” (August 7, 2010);
“Shep de Sade: Kubrick’s Clare Quilty” (August 12, 2010);
“Shep Defends Trampoline Bear Video” (August 13, 2010);
“The Good Shepard?” (August 20, 2010; and
“The Good Shepard Hydes” (August 26, 2010).

The Good Shepard Hydes

FNC’s genteel Dr. Jeckyll, the good Shepard Smith, transmogrified into the hideous Mr. Hyde on Studio B but later returned to his saner self on the Fox Report. On Studio B, Shep reveled anew in the cruel Trampoline Bear video as he inserted it twice into his “Bear Alert” on an unrelated Lake Tahoe bear burglar report. However, later, when he ran the same story again on Fox Report, Shep found the decency to cut the offending frames (of the black bear crumpling under its own weight as it plunged headfirst into the hard ground) from the clip.** Just who the hell is Fox News’ Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde? Flim Flam, Bim Bam, Ole Miss, by Damn!

*Studio B – 08/25/10 (@3:55 p.m. ET)

**Fox Report – 08/25/10 (@7:28 p.m. ET)

Shep Dogs Boy

Shepherd Smith, Ole Miss grad and FNC’s Studio B high-dollar host, dogged Cleveland child, David Murphy, today. Before his interview of the lad (his mom & an attorney) who guided the bus away from an upcoming semi, he introduced him as “an eleven year old boy from Cleveland who most people around him are calling a real hero.” According to Shep, the bus driver had gone to the rest room and the bus began moving and Murphy steered the bus away from the oncoming big commercial truck.

During his questioning, Shep asked David whether he had pulled the brake. When he denied it, Shep said, “So it just started rolling all of the sudden.” Later, he told the Mom, “Never in all my born days have I gone from a position from where we stopped to we’re starting without someone doing something.” Whenever the attorney tried to advocate for David, Shep would say that he had let it (any alleged culpability of the child) go and that the lawyer had brought it back up. The inference seemed very clear.