Janice Dean Finally Quits “Shacking Up”!

“A Fox & Friends Welcome!” If the Fox & Friends viewers were aroused by the sexy “Dance Machine” a/k/a as the “Weather Machine, Janice Dean, this past Monday morn, they could be forgiven for being rightly confused–as if they were still drinking the potent nectar of the Green Goddess on Bourbon Street in the early hours of Lundi Gras. Perhaps, confusingly to this addled audience, F&F co-anchors Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade, and Ainsley Earhardt were warmly welcoming their long-time colleague Janice  to the F&F crew with a marvelous montage of vid clips of some of her finest moments on F&F (kissing her FDNY fire-fighter hubby Sean Newman, bathing her son Matthew in a five-gallon bucket, cuddling with Aerosmith rocker Steve Tyler in a photo, etc.).

Yes, Janice is a fun girl: And, she has finally quit “shacking up” with her F&F (and F&F First) Friends!

Welcome, Janice: Or, as Axyl Rose sings, “Welcome to the Jungle”!

[Author’s note: The Brooke Shields doppelganger has been with the F&F crew and fans for thirteen years: And, now it is official.]

DJ JD: “Love in an Elevator”!

Janice Dean: [Steven Tyler and I] had a wonderful date afterwards! FNC’s “Dancing Machine” [vid] meteorologist Janice Dean revealed to her Fox & Friends Weekend fans that she “used to date rock stars.”* No, not Steven Tyler of Aerosmith: Really!

Introducing one of her fabulous weather segments with that fun fact (March 9, 2014), Janice subsequently showed a photo of herself cheek-to-cheek with the bad boy himself, Steven Tyler.* As F&FW co-hosts Anna Kooiman, Clayton Morris, and Tucker Carlson looked on in disbelief at the pic of JD looking like a young Brooke Shields next to Liv Tyler‘s randy old man, Janice exclaimed, “No I didn’t ‘date’ him!” Belying her assertion almost immediately, Janice continued, ” But, I used to be a classic rock DJ back in the day when I was in my twenties when I had a cool job….I would love for him to sign that photo because we had a wonderful date afterwards!”

Intrigued, Tucker asked, “What year was that, Janice?” JD replied, “That was Get a Grip: So, that was ’93, and I was twenty-three years old! And, I have a lot more of these types of photos of rock stars that I’ve dated that I will post on my Facebook page!”

Pruriently, Clayton asked, “Well, is it a long list, Janice?”

Ignoring his concupiscent query, Janice playfully responded, singing “Love in an elevator! Livin’ it up as we’re goin’ down!” As Anna giggled, Clayton chuckled, “I knew there was a fun past to Janice!”

Janice: A fun past–and a fun present!

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/09/14 (@ 9:39 a.m. ET).

**Fox5 NY (Youtube vid) – 09/28/07: 4:50/12:08.

[Author’s aside: Pics of Janice Dean as CHEZ FM (Ottawa) “Sunscoop Reporter”; with Peter Frampton (after she asked him to autograph a poster saying, “Here’s to another 20 years in your bedroom!”); with Travis Tritt; and with her bikini.]

Stormy Maria: Inked Pink!

Molina reveals her secret “tart tatt”–nine months late. For Carpe Diem fans of the Fox News weather gal Maria Molina, a/k/a “Cosmo’s caliente Latina,” the revelation was a long time coming. Over nine months ago, the author noted the barbed pink/red ringlet adorning Maria, Tweeting her, “[I]s that a red “barb” tattoo or a beauty mark on your left wrist?” Not a word from the Nicaraguan nymph: Perhaps, the demure beauty thought that FNC was a tatt-free zone and she did not want to be dispatched posthaste like her comely “spanked and spurned” predecessor Domenica Davis.

Nevertheless, Monday, F&F newsreader Heather Nauert outed the demure damsel on F&F‘s After the Show Show. During the episode entitled, “Hidden talents,” with Maria, Heather, and co-hosts, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Steve Doocy, on the curvy couch,  Heather abruptly turned to Maria, teasing, “Give me your hand here! Give me your hand! What is that on your wrist?”*

Embarrassed, Maria initially pulled her arm away from Heather: Then, complying, she gave her hand to Heather. Subsequently, Heather (and Elisabeth) turned Maria’s arm for all of her F&F fans to see the reddish pink symbol inked on her wrist. Interjecting, Steve intoned, “Wait! Wait!…Oh, look at that: it’s a stamp!”

Chiming in, Heather added, “It looks like she was at a little club.”

Chagrined, Maria admitted, “It’s a tattoo.” Shyly, she subsequently explained, “It’s actually a tropical storm.” Then, she added, “It’s supposed to be Hurricane Andrew. And, that’s the reason I became a meteorologist.”

Sounds good–at least, to the parents. But, for ardent acolytes of the smoldering Maria Molina, her explanation seems almost too convenient. For those votaries of a tropical stormy Maria, her symbol looks almost a little like the inchoate etchings of Pamela Anderson’s racy barbed wire.

To quote Eminem, “Maybe, that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.” Maria, “love the way you lie.” Or, not.

[Author’s aside: Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler weighs in? “Pink is my favorite color.”]

*A.S.S. (12/16/13) – @ 03:08/04:20

H/t: J$P. (Steve Doocy’s “shout-out” to J$.)

Green Melissa Debuts Purple–Anew

Steve grimaces: Brian grins. Fox & Friends guest anchor Melissa Francis made her premiere on the program in purple apparel anew today–seemingly, the very dress that she debuted on FOX Business Network months ago. But, that fashion faux pas was not exactly what rendered her “boy toys,” F&F co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade, almost mute today: rather, it was her green attempt at humor.

Approximately, mid-show, Melissa read a headline news story about an Aussie brewery XXXX that purchased a small island (“Pumpkin Island“) to turn into a promotional “ultimate destination for [four] mates” with beer and beaches but no babes. Subsequently, she jested, “Four men get to go on the trip in the fall: That raises so many questions! Opens it up to so many jokes.”

Realizing that his newbie co-host seemed to be tacking toward perilous waters, F&F co-host Steve Doocy grimaced and rubbed his brow fretfully. Looking into the camera quite cluelessly, Melissa continued, “I’m new: So, you know, I’m not gonna really dive on them.” Turning to a smiling Brian, Melissa implored, “But, you should feel free, though.”

Arching his eyebrows and cocking his head, Steve seemed to start to caution Brian. Perhaps, sensing Steve’s  apparent monitionial motions, Brian stammered, “Not, not, not when, uh, not when we find out that Donald Trump is on the line. Everything stops. My ad libs come to a crashing halt because Donald Trump is here.”

Blandishing Brian but belying his veracity, Trump declared, “I don’t think your ad libs will ever stop. There’s nothing you can do to kill them. And, we don’t want to stop ’em.”

No, Melissa, the F&F boys, Brian and Steve, were not going to go to that island–literally or figuratively. But, had it been the “mythical” Greek isle of Lesbos of which you spoke, they probably would not have been able to resist so easily. Had you, their siren, ditched the “green” and the redux purple, an Aerosmith pink may have well sufficed.

Pink: Kiran’s “New Obsession”

Has American Morning co-host Kiran Chetry found a new way to arouse the flaccid ratings of her slumping program? As producers began the second half of the show early today to the lurid lilt of Aerosmith’s “Pink,” co-anchor John Roberts pointed to Kiran’s pink open sweater  and deadpanned, “My favorite color.”* Smiling knowingly, Kiran risquely remarked, “It’s my new obsession.”

When Michael Calderone asked about a possible “radical re-thinking” of Jon Klein’s news network in his “How to Fix CNN” Politico article, who knew that Kiran might be thinking proactively outside the box? In the past, Kiran has said that pink is one of her favorite colors. And, with her major in broadcast journalism and minor in women’s studies (at the University of Maryland), the Nepalese beauty may have discovered a winning formula at last.

Watch out, Fox & Friends and Morning Joe. Today may well mark the dawning of a new American Morning. Rise and shine!

*American Morning – 04/01/10 (@7:27 a.m. ET)