Archive for the ‘Gretchen Carlson’ Category

Gretchen’s Beefcake: Shirtless Dave Briggs

March 12, 2012

Lusty Carlton: “Whoo-who! Alright! Wooh! Alright, Dave!…I might suggest that he does more of those segments.” This morning, Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson appeared to get all hot and bothered over the the sight of the bare chest of her handsome younger F&F Weekend counterpart Dave Briggs.

Reading the headline news mid-show, Gretchen reported Dave’s weekend Penguin Plunge in Westport, Connecticut, for Special Olympics of Connecticut.* As producers aired the accompanying vid of the swimmers taking their “Arctic” dip, she did not see him immediately: However, when Gretchen suddenly saw a close-up of a shirtless Dave fleeing the freezing cold water, she excitedly exclaimed, “There he is! There he is! Whoo-who! Alright! Wooh! Alright, Dave! Okay!”

Subsequently, after finishing the rest of her Connecticut Penguin Plunge story, Gretchen cooed, “I might suggest that he does more of those segments.” Looking over at Gretchen, guest co-host Eric Bolling shook his head and smiled uncomfortably. In response, Gretchen looked back at Eric and racily cackled,”Nice job, Dave.”

Then, segueing to their phone interview of Donald Trump, a grinning Gretchen queried, “Uh, Donald, are you going to be doing that anytime soon.” In reply, Trump declared, “Well, I’m not so sure. Doesn’t look too good to me.” Giggling, Gretchen randily raised her eyebrows and purred, “I was talking about going shirtless.”

When an amused Trump answered, “Well, shirtless I love. Right? Shirtless I love,” a smiling Gretchen answered, “Oh, okay.” Exasperated seemingly, Eric exclaimed, “Uh, can, can we move on now!” As Gretchen giggled anew, Trump laughed, “Okay. Alright.”

Perhaps, Gretchen has to move on this year. But, she gets another chance to gawk at more Briggs beefcake on New Year’s Day 2013. In fact, Gretchen gets double the pleasure: Dave plans to take the polar plunge in Maine then–with his friend F&FW meteorologist Rick Reichmuth.**

Poor Gretchen: it is going to be a long 2012.

*Fox & Friends – 03/12/12 (@ 7:33 a.m. ET)

**Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/11/12 (@ 7:34 a.m. ET)

Carlson: I’m a Cougar!

January 20, 2012

“I just don’t act on it.” Rwwr! This morning, Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson made no bones about her attraction for much younger guys after a F&F headline news story about a Utah high school that decided against choosing the “cougar [the cat] as a mascot because it [didn't] want to offend another kind of cougar.”* In fact, she was “outraged.”

During the F&F mid-show headline news segment this morning, Gretchen’s co-host Brian Kilmeade read the ditched-cougar-mascot account and producers aired an accompanying Cougar Town clip of a flashing Courtney Cox. As he explained, “If you watch Cougar Town, you know Courtney Cox plays an older woman who dates younger men, Gretchen whooped, “Alright!” When Brian elaborated that some parents and school board members were consequently for another mascot, the bawdy former Miss America exclaimed, “Oh, come on! Come on! That is so ridiculous! And, I can say so with authority!”

Amused, Brian asked, “So you are outraged?” Lifting her right eyebrow suggestively, Gretchen cooed, “I’m a cougar!” Pruriently prodding her on, Brian continued, “You’re a cougar?” Shrugging her shoulder and smiling coyly, Gretchen insisted, “I mean I don’t act on it but I’m a cougar.”

Tweaking a randy Gretchen, Brian jested, “Right, I know: Casey’s 29. This is something brand new.” While chuckling at Brian’s playful but, perhaps, untimely reminder of her middle-aged hubby Casey Close, Gretchen protested, “I just mean in age alone–not that I’m gonna act on it.”

Crouching cougar: Hidden Carlson?

*Fox & Friends – 01/20/12 (@ 7:36 a.m. ET)

[Author's aside: For related Carpe Diem articles, cf. Gretchen: Cougar 2 Pussycat, "Cougar" Carlson: "I'm in the Mood," "Cougar" Carlson: Saved by the Bell, and Gretch: Rub My Toes, Peter Doocy.]

Camerota Censored Again: Bikini Pic Post Cut

January 15, 2012

BUT, Carpe Diem found it and Aly’s photos for her fans. First, her wedding video: now, her 80′s risque pic post. Almost two months ago, Carpe Diem reported that Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Alisyn Camerota and her hubby Tim Lewis‘ edgy “You Sexy Thing” wedding dance video had been bowdlerized from F&F‘s “In the Greenroom” blog. Today, the author noticed that F&F has gone even further: now, apparently, not only did they remove that post itself (and its introductory one) but also excised an even sexier Aly photo post from her distant past.

Almost three and a half years ago (07/02/08),* during a “Back to the 80′s” segment with F&F co-hosts Brian Kilmeade, Steve Doocy, and Gretchen Carlson, then Fox & Friends news reader Aly happily displayed pics from her heady 80′s years.** After producers aired a photo of the leopard-clad lass and her family at the beach in Wildwood, New Jersey, Aly penned an “80′s Photos” post which shared pics of herself and various amorous blurred-out beaux (one, two), a big-haired prom pic, and then the piece de resistance–Aly and her co-ed buds basking in the sun.

As the full-screen photo of a taut, tanned, and bikini-clad Aly appeared, she proudly proclaimed, “Now, this is what’s so important about this picture: That’s what somebody looks like before three children. This is what the abs were like.” As an appreciative Brian exclaimed, “Oh!,” a smiling Aly continued, “I hope as many– people, if you’re not watching your television right now, please come to the tv and stare at this. You’ll never see this again: I’m a figment of my former self.”

Seductively, Aly added, “Listen, if you can somehow take your eyes up from my abs, look at the Wayfarer sunglasses…and that is my Joan Jett mullet–short in the front, long in the back!” Priapically, Steve asked, “What did you call that yesterday?” Racily, Aly animatedly answered, “Business in front: party in the rear!”

As Steve and Aly laughed wickedly in unison, a bawdy Brian exclaimed, “Yeah, fantastic!” Seemingly somewhat jealous, Gretchen acerbically chuckled, “I have a feeling that little get-together wasn’t very innocent.”

Unabashedly, Aly replied, “Uh, none of those that we just saw. And, I’m amazed that they’re…covering the face[s] of the guilty in some of these even though I did not tell them to: Somehow, our producers instinctively knew.” In a final riposte, Steve jested, “Some people call those snap shots of the ‘guilty’: others call them evidence. And, that’s why we’ve fuzzed people out.”

Unfortunately, F&FW fans, Steve may not have been “jesting” after all. Seemingly, FNC has gone one step further “for Aly”: Not only have they covered “the face of the ‘guilty’” but they have expunged the evidence altogether.

Sexy “Camerota CENSORED” again: But, this time, did Aly “tell them to”?

*Fox & Friends – 07/02/08 (@ 8:36 a.m. ET)

**Aly and fam – 3rd row, 1st pic; Aly and beaux (3rd row, 4th & 8th pics); “prom” Aly (3rd row, 9th pic); and Aly in her piece de resistance (2nd row, 11th pic).

Aly: “Poor Karl Rove! Poor Karl Rove!”

January 8, 2012

Redux Dave: “Wow. ” Yesterday, FNC contributor Karl Rove‘s faux pas of calling F&FW co-anchor Alisyn CamerotaGretchen [Carlson]” yesterday was characterized as “awkward” by Mediaite and “addled” by Carpe Diem. Seemingly, in response, F&FW producers and co-hosts Aly, Dave Briggs, and Mike Jerrick (fill-in for Clayton Morris) appeared eager to quickly put the incident to bed.

When the second hour of F&FW started with its trio seated on the curvy couch as usual, Aly welcomed guest co-host Mike Jerrick to the show. Subsequently, Dave turned to Aly, deadpanning, “Good to have you back, Gretchen.” Seemingly simulating amusement, Aly chuckled, “Poor Karl Rove! Poor Karl Rove!”

As Mike guffawed, a grinning Dave elaborated, “For those of you that weren’t here watching yesterday, Karl Rove, he called her [Aly] Gretchen.” Offering a rather lame excuse for Rove’s gaffe, Mike interjected, “Well, he can’t see us.” Sympathetically, Aly insisted, “I know! And, also, that’s just a…slip….He knows who I am!”

Then, defending her maladroit “wooer” further, Aly protested, “He does protect me from you [Dave] all of the time. That was his goal to protect me from Dave and Clayton which is a very altruistic, honorable goal, I believe.”

Interjecting, Mike jested, “Yeah. He’s scary! It’s fine, Juliet [Huddy]. It’ll be fine!”

Then, appearing to spoof his response yesterday to Rove’s gaffe, a slightly smiling Dave feigned outrage, arching his eyebrows, tilting his head, and monotoning, “Wow.”

Shaking her head, Aly pointed to Mike, giggling, “Well, nah. Makes sense!”

Nah. But, it was funny. Poor Karl Rove!

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 01/08/12 (@ 6:59 a.m. ET)

Aly Addles “Bush’s Brain”

January 7, 2012

Oops! “Chivalrous” Rove calls Aly “Gretchen.” FNC contributor Karl Rove got off to a false start with Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota as the new year began. In his first appearance in 2012 on F&FW, Rove regaled Aly and her F&FW co-hosts, Clayton Morris and Dave Briggs with his arcane knowledge of national politics (as he took potshots at GOP opponents of the Bushes’ apparent Presidential pick, Mitt Romney). After awing the F&FW boys, the former Senior Advisor to George W. Bush made an ill-advised attempt to woo the girl.*

When his segment had drawn to an end and Dave, Aly, and Clayton had bid him adieu, Rove abruptly remarked, “I have incidentally made a New Year’s resolution!…Mine is to do a better job of protecting Gretchen against the two of you guys.”

Arching her eyebrows and smiling scantly at Rove’s amorous misstep, a slighted Aly exclaimed, “Uh. Or, Alisyn!”

Meanwhile, Dave’s eyes widened and his mouth gaped at Rove’s gaffe. Putting his hand on Aly’s shoulder in succor, he echoed, “Or, Alisyn!”  Then, pointing to Aly with his other, Dave gibed, “Or, remember her name! That might be a good place to start.”

Throwing his hands up in the air, a chagrined Rove responded, “Oh, Alisyn. I’m sorry!” Chuckling sweetly, Aly answered, “Karl, I accept your offer of protection. Call me anything.” Reddened from embarrassment, Rove replied, “I’m so sorry!”

Subsequently, after Clayton momentarily teased an upcoming story, the co-anchors said goodbye to Rove again. As they concluded, still piqued, perhaps, Aly deadpanned, “Great to see you, Mike Huckabee. Thank you.” As Clayton laughed at her snipe, a similarly amused Dave aptly declared, “Wow!”

Exactly, Karl. Aly: no Gretchen Carlson. As Dave cautioned, you may want to resolve to remember that in the future.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 01/07/12 (@ 9:39 a.m. ET)

Update: Video (via Mediaite).

Ainsley Sexy: Red, White, and Blue?

December 26, 2011

Visions of holidays past. Yesterday, on Christmas Day, former Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Ainsley Earhardt returned to the F&FW curvy couch to rejoin her quilom co-anchor Dave Briggs and sit with F&FW old-timer Kelly Wright. However, today, the blond beauty came back to reign–albeit somewhat submissively–over both of her former F&FW hubbies, Dave and Clayton Morris. Blasts from the F&FW past!

Yesterday, Ainsley took the helm as she sexily steered the F&FW ship for Dave and Kelly. Adorned in a festive short, sleeveless red dress with a sensual slit in her decolletage, the somewhat subdued South Carolina beautiful belle confidently still attracted Dave’s appreciative eye. And, as for Kelly, who once sat on the curvy couch between F&FW‘s hottest female duo, Alisyn Camerota and Kiran Chetry, Ainz stole his heart with a close dance and a plug of his latest CD. As for her F&FW fans, their ringless goddess seemed to still have it.

But, today, Ainz reigned anew from her F&F throne–this time, the weekday edition–over not only Dave but also her other erstwhile F&FW co-anchor, Clayton Morris. Dressed in a white virginal version of her Christmas red dress, Ainsley appeared quite confident as she argued with her boys Dave and Clayton with alacrity. In fact, she reminded the author of Gretchen Carlson–but a mellifluous one who would not deign to lecture her audience or her co-hosts about the “big picture” or anything else of which they already knew full well.

Ainsley was back in fine form–in red and white. And, in blue? No. But, her male admirers may be if she does not return to them somewhat more oft in the future.

F&F Holiday: Gretch Away

December 23, 2011

Christmas cheer: Aly & Juliet appear. Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson took off early for her holiday vacation. But, true-blue fill-in co-anchors, Alisyn Camerota and Juliet Huddy, more than took up the slack this Thursday and Friday, respectively. Unlike the former Miss America who demands the attention of her co-anchors, Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy, and the F&F fans, these FNC reigning beauties more than earned it.

What a delight: Aly and Juliet were as usual–smart, sexy, and scintillating.  But, for the author who still can not quite grasp how Gretchen gained E.D. Hill‘s long-held throne over her seemingly more socially adept, less solipsist rivals, Aly and Juliet (not to mention former FNC rising star, Kiran Chetry), their appearances were a bit bittersweet. And, if Brian and Steve’s less contrived conversations and more relaxed demeanor were any indication, they appeared to concur–happy for the moment for the “new” spirits and their Christmas cheer.

F&F holidays: Skal!

Babysitter Bachmann: Gretchen Reminisces

November 23, 2011

“My Cher moment”: Michelle’s subtle sop? Before getting “*itch slappedby Jimmy Fallon and his house band last night, GOP candidate Michele Bachmann received a much warmer welcome from Fox & Friends anchor Gretchen Carlson and her co-hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy earlier in the morning. In her return to the F&F curvy couch Tuesday before the Republican debate, Bachmann opined on politics, her new book, Core of Conviction: My Story, and–her teen years as Gretchen’s babysitter.

After the interview about politics, Brian asked Bachmann about her memoir, querying, “What are going to learn in this book that we didn’t learn already?” In response, Bachmann recalled her family’s abrupt fall from the middle class into poverty and recounted how she had to get a baby-sitting job to pay for such necessities as her glasses, clothes, and school lunch. Interjecting her own story, Gretchen remarked, “Speaking of babysitting, one of the families you babysat was my family.”

Animatedly, Bachmann replied, “That’s right! One of the best families ever.” As producers aired a black-and-white photo [@ 05:29 of vid] of a radiant young Bachmann, apparently, keeping an overjoyed child afloat in the water, Gretchen rejoined, “Well, thank you very much. But, one of the small-world coincidences right there. And…there’s Michelle with me in the pool when I believe we were at the resort.”

As Gretchen reminisced, Michelle interposed, “I was about fifteen, and, so, maybe, you were, maybe, six.” Gretchen answered, “I was about six, five or six. And what I loved about Michele Bachmann, back then Michelle Amble, was her long hair.” Then pointing to the bottom of her bum, a wide-eyed Gretchen exclaimed, “It went all the way down to right here!”

Beaming broadly, Bachmann cooed, “Oh, yeah….My Cher period!” Nodding her yes, Gretchen pointed at Bachman and joyfully tattled, “And, she let me drink grape soda, too!” Laughing, Bachmann concluded, “Yes…I was a very good babysitter!”

Bachmann’s “my Cher period”: a subtle sop to the unamused mother of Dancing with the Stars celeb Chaz Bono?”

Kara Gropes Kilmeade

November 9, 2011

Brian’s butt grabbed: Big “Deal or No Deal”? Yesterday, Fox & Friends co-anchor Brian Kilmeade went from “kissing” Susan Lucci in the “Shot of the Morning” to having his rear squeezed by sexy Deal or No Deal model Patricia Kara in a  “Deal with Your Body” workout promo. Not surprisingly, the “brown-haired guy who isn’t Steve Doocy” just could not wipe that silly smile from his face–at least, perhaps, until he got home to his wife Dawn.

In the first hour, producers went to the archives for their “Shot of the Morning,” viz., a clip of Susan Lucci showing Brian Kilmeade how to “make out” on the curvy couch earlier this year. When co-host Gretchen Carlson expressed surprise that he was not embarrassed about it, Brian jested that he did not have a problem with kissing other women–but that his wife did. Perhaps, the segment gave Brian an extra shot of testosterone because he seemed rather primed to play thereafter.

Subsequently, when Gretchen teased an upcoming workout segment with Deal or No Deal models Patricia Kara and Pilar Lastra, Brian walked down the hall between the two beauties toward the set. As he did, they progressed forward doing lunges in tandem: when Patricia appeared to instruct him to squeeze his buttocks in the process, he playfully feigned cupping both with his hands. When she beamed broadly in response, a bawdy Brian turned to her and queried, “Now, you don’t want me to squeeze your butt, right?”

“What!” interjected an off-camera Gretchen. Apparently, not offended in the least, Patricia playfully squeezed Brian’s tush with her right hand, sensually smiled, and shrugged her arms “innocently.” Reddening, Brian continued, “Wait a second. That would be a real problem. That would be unbelievable.” Somewhat embarrassed, Brian threw his hands up, walked back down the hall, and escaped through a nearby doorway. In response, Patricia (and Pilar) looked back at the camera and laughed naughtily.

Vintage F&F: Another clip for the archives.

Fox & Friends – 11/08/11 (@ 7:27 a.m. ET)

Gretchen: Let’s Not Go There!

October 28, 2011

Brian: “Dumbing it down for us.” Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson still seems to be smarting from Jon Stewart’s left-handed compliment almost two years ago. After an FNC correspondent compared the EU’s resolution of the Greek debt crisis to putting a three-year-old to bed this morning, F&F co-anchor Brian Kilmeade jested, “Right. Obviously, there’s a big push from people on the couch and away from the couch to down it down for us.”*

Apparently, still remembering the slight from the Comedy Central comedian that the Standford grad who won Miss America in 1989 as a classical violinist was playing the part of Chrissy Snow on F&F, Gretchen guffawed. Looking down and adjusting her hem, Gretchen groused, “Let’s not go there!” Beaming, Brian answered, “Yeah!”

But, we must.

*Fox & Friends – 10/28/11 (@ 6:08 a.m. ET)

Able Carlson Kills Cain?

October 24, 2011

Cain: No, abortion should not be a part of the political discussion. After ending Hank Williams, Jr.‘s two-decade-decade Monday Night Football tradition three weeks ago with a softball on partisan politics, has Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson killed Herman Cain’s campaign today with a similarly sympathetic question on abortion?

Today, in an F&F segment entitled “Cain’s Clarifications: Spelling Out Stances on Abortion & GITMO” segment, Gretchen and her F&F co-hosts, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade, offered Cain an opportunity to rehabilitate himself with his socially conservative supporters still reeling after his Piers Morgan Tonight appearance. But, before their interview of Cain began, they ran an edited Piers Morgan clip of him saying, “It’s not the government’s role or anybody else’s role to make that decision: it ultimately gets down to a choice that that family or that mother has to make not me as President, not some politician, [and] not a bureaucrat.” Then, they aired Cain apparently recanting in an address, three days later, the Iowa Faith & Freedom Coalition, declaring, “I would not sign any legislation that in any way allowed the government to be involved in it. I would strengthen all of our current laws that prevent abortion. I believe that abortion should be clearly stated and illegal across this country.”

Subsequently, an apparently supportive and similarly equivocal Carlson posited, “I know you’ve had some difficulty with the abortion issue. Here’s my question for you this morning: Should abortion be a part of the political discussion?” Perhaps, lulled into a false sense of security on friendly territory like Williams, Cain confidently asserted, “No, it should not, quite frankly.” Risibly, he added, “But, my position is real clear, Gretchen, and it’s been consistent: I am pro-life. That first clip that you payed [sic], played was taken out of context.”

Doubtlessly, Cain may wish that abortion were not a “part of the political discussion” after receiving strong blowback from social conservatives. For example, fellow 2012 GOP Presidential contestant Rick Perry blasted Cain, saying, “Pro-life is not a matter of campaign convenience: it is a core conviction….It is a liberal canard to say I am personally pro-life but government should stay out of that decision. More acerbically, Santorum remarked, “It is unconscionable for Herman to run for the nomination of the Party that stands in defense of Life while showing disregard for the sanctity of  Life.”

Ouch. Cain could learn from another unscripted Presidential contender CEO without political experience. Instead of hobnobbing with the Donald in New York, he may want to consult with H. Ross in Texas. Otherwise, his rocket-like rise may well be aborted before it really even gets off the ground.

F&F’s Bizarre Bocephus: Obama Like Hitler?

October 3, 2011

[UPDATED, infra: "Bocephus going, gone."] Hank Williams, Jr.: Obama/Boehner on the links “like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu.” In a rather bizzare Fox & Friends interview today, country star Hank Williams, Jr., so compared President Barack Obama to Hitler. When pressed by co-host Brian Kilmeade, Williams dug himself in even deeper, surlily replying that Obama was “the enemy.” As the surreal promo for NFL Monday Night Football (and his illustrious deceased father‘s new release The Legend Begins) finally ended, relieved co-anchor Gretchen Carlson said, “I just want to say that we disavow any of those comments or analogies that he made. At least…the analogy between Hitler and the President.”

Interestingly, the segment began with Brian lauding Williams as “coming from country music royalty” and being the “voice of Monday Night Football for over twenty years” who “knows a little about politics, too.” Subsequently, co-host Steve Doocy enthusiastically welcomed Williams, exclaiming, “Joining us right now to break down the 2012 GOP field is country singer superstar Hank Williams, Jr. As he did, Bocephus sat back with his arms crossed and shook his head with a laugh. Somewhat incisively, Brian waggishly interjected, “Your body language says [to] leave you alone. Your hands are crossed. You’re shaking us off.”

Perhaps, in an adumbration of the fractious nature of the interview, Williams stuck out his tongue and uncrossed his arms, retorting, “Yeah, whatever. Yeah!” Then, he added, “I’d rather be there looking at Gretchen.”

Smiling, a flattered Gretchen cooed, “Good morning to you, too. Good morning to you, too. Let’s just have a little intimate discussion right here.” Ironically, prefacing her question, saying, “I’d love to pick your brain about politics….I’ll start with an easy question, she asked, “Who do you like in the GOP race?” Quite curtly, William answered, “Nobody!”

“Nobody?” Brian incredulously interposed. Williams nebulously responded, “You remember the golf game they had, ladies and gentlemen?…That was one of the biggest political mistakes ever. That turned a lot of people off.”

Trying to clarify his response for her F&F audience, Gretchen asked, “You mean when John Boehner played golf with President Obama?” Agitated, Williams answered, “Oh, yeah, yeah. And  [VP Joe] Biden and [OH Guv John] Kasich, yeah. Uh, huh.” Probing further, Gretchen queried, “What did you not like about it? It seems to be a really pivotal moment for you.”

Animatedly, Williams answered, “Come on, come on! That’d be like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu. Okay? Not hardly!” As a stunned Gretchen meekly replied, “Okay,” Brian asserted, “I don’t understand that analogy actually. Arching his eyebrows in disbelief at Williams’ comment, Steve interjected, “Well, it’s, it’s out there.” Unrepentant, Williams snarked, “Well, I’m glad you [Brian] don’t, brother, because a lot of people do. You know, they’re the enemy. They’re the enemy.”

Stone-faced, Brian monotoned, “Who’s the enemy?” In response, Williams groused, “Uh, Obama! And, Biden. Are you kidding? The Three Stooges.” As Gretchen grimaced, Williams moved on, saying, “The one that makes the most sense is Herman Cain. Herman Cain makes more sense than any of them.”

Before segueing to the promo of Monday Night Football, Gretchen pressed Williams, saying, “One thing I’m gathering from your very emphatic statement this morning is that you are not a big fan of the parties coming together at all to kinda find compromise?” Looking at his watch and then crossing his arms over his chest again, Williams replied, “No. Come on….We’re more polarized than we’ve ever been, guys. You know it….I’m not going to sugarcoat it.”

Gretchen responded, “Well, you didn’t. You didn’t because…you used the name of one of the most hated people in all of the world to describe the, I think, the President.”

Smiling, Williams answered, “Well, that’s true. That is true. But, I’m telling you like it is. That…just wasn’t a good thing. It just didn’t fly.” He concluded, “Like Fred Thompson said, ‘You don’t want to ask me a question, because I’m gonna give you too straight of an answer. Let’s talk about something else.”

Later, when Williams had touted MNF and The Legend Begins three-disc compilation, Gretchen cheerfully bid him adieu, saying, “Hank Williams, have a great football season. Have fun at the game!” After he tersely replied, “Bye,” Gretchen concluded, “I just want to say that we disavow any of those comments or analogies that he made. At least, I’m going to say that–disavow the analogy between Hitler and the President.” As Steve nodded his concurrence with Gretchen, Brian derisively declared, “I asked him to define it.”

Define Bocephus’s analogy, Brian? At best, bizarre.

[Author's aside: After Williams' appearance, F&F guest comedian George Lopez joked, "In America, we love when we take somebody out....When [bin Laden] was taken out, [Obama's] approval rating soared. So, I think it’s time to kill someone else…maybe, Hank Williams, Jr., after [Obama] sees the interview this morning.”* As Brian beamed and Steve laughed, a grinning Gretchen replied, “Uh, yeah!]

*Fox & Friends – 10/03/11 (@ 8:33 a.m. ET)

Update: Bocephus, going, gone. After Williams made his remarks, ESPN decided to can his Monday Night Football promo, “Are you ready for some football?,” for the night: In response, Williams conceded that his “analogy was extreme” but insisted that he had been misunderstood. Today, ESPN announced that the pull was permanent, saying, “We have decided to part ways with Hank Williams, Jr.” Striking back, Williams countered, “I have made MY decision. By pulling my opening Oct 3rd, You (ESPN) stepped on the Toes of the First Amendment Freedom of Speech, so therefore Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE.”

Dad: Anoka’s Gretch Carlson “Excellent at Boys”

September 25, 2011

Missing Hall of Famers? Garrison Keillor declined & Michele Bachmann snubbed. Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson may have been a bit abashed as she was was inducted into the Hall of Fame at her high school alma mater on September 8. Not only did the renowned raconteur Garrison Keillor decline the very same honor but her “favorite babysitter,” GOP Prez candidate and Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann, was not even nominated for it. To boot, her dear dad zinged her with zest about being “excellent at boys” during her time at Anoka High School.

When Gretchen returned to F&F four days later, she proudly previewed a snippet of her parents introducing her at her high school’s “first ever Hall of Fame induction ceremony.”* As the footage began, her dad proudly proclaimed, “While at Anoka High, she was valedictorian, homecoming attending: then, looking up over his reading glasses with an arched eyebrow, he jauntily jibed, “and excellent at boys and socializing.”  (Of course, her doting dad also included her being Miss T.E.E.N. Minnesota and Miss Teen Nationals runner-up and alluded to her being 1989 Miss America.)

After that vid clip ran (and a subsequent one of her hugging her parents), a tearful Gretchen profusely praised both her mom and dad and thanked her community and family. However, she failed to mention the declination of the award by Keillor (who self-deprecatingly said that he “wasn’t anything in high school” but was rather “a quiet, mediocre student with no plans”) nor the obvious omission of Bachmann to be named for the honor itself or in the preliminary nominations. As to her father’s ribbing about being “excellent at boys,” Gretchen said nary a word.

In Gretchen’s defense, she did address, at least, Bachman’s exclusion from Anoka High’s Hall of Fame with her home state’s largest newspaper. According to the Star Tribune, Gretchen said, “My favorite baby sitter….I feel completely disheartened that she’s not part of this”: she added, “In the committee’s defense, in growing up in a small town, I know this happens. It was a grass-roots effort, from the heart. This is just so unfortunate.”

Even though Gretchen’s viewers may not solicit an explanation for Keillor’s skipping out on the Hall of Fame. With little doubt, they may want to know more about her your dad’s “excellent at boys” barb. If they do, they may want to heed the advice of the eponymous host of “Your World with Neil Cavuto” as to cable news customers who do not get FBN: I.e., “Demand it!”

A belated congratulations, Gretchen!

*Fox & Friends – 09/12/11 (@ 8:32 a.m. ET)

Gretchen: Hoping That I Could Forget @ That!

September 15, 2011

Cloris Leachman: “the chaos I cause.” The morning after–after Leachman’s lascivious lickings! When Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson heard comedic legend Cloris Leachman’s voiced-over intro to the show this morning,  she exclaimed, “Oh, god! I was hoping I could forget about that!” Smiling, co-host Steve Doocy replied, “She was great [in her F&F appearance yesterday]! She was funny.” Not as amused, “Gretchen groused, “Yeah, ’til she went for my ear!”

Chiming in, co-anchor Brian Kilmeade remarked, “She also…went after Bobby Bowden while he was doing a sports radio interview in the green room after our show. She was very aggressive with him and Bobby Bowden didn’t even know what was happening.” Steve concluded, “See, that’s the problem. If you miss a little of Fox & Friends, you miss a lot.”

If the reader did miss Chloris Leachman’s appearance yesterday, it was “a lot” of loco Leachman. Even before her return appearance (after licking Brian’s neck during a November 2010 F&F interview), Leachman had hinted that she would be up to her old tricks: She Tweeted, “Taking my foxy self over to @foxandfriends Watch it tomorrow It airs live, so the chaos I’m planning to cause will be shown unedited. ;)” When she showed up yesterday for the pre-commercial-break tease to her segment, Leachman saucily went up to the camera and tartly stuck her tongue out as if to lick the lens.

Subsequently, Leachman more than lived up to her promise during the interview. After she had promoted her series “Raising Hope and as the segment was nearing its end, Leachman leaned over toward Brian as if to lick him again. When a beaming Brian responded, “I, I don’t think we should relive the moment, she replied, “Well, it’s going to be awfully embarrassing if I’m this far.” Bending forward, Brian gamely consented, saying, “Okay. Go ahead.” As she proceeded to lick Brian’s right ear, Gretchen exclaimed, “Oh, my god!” and then screamed.

But, Leachman was not done: When she turned to tongue a reluctant Steve’s left ear, a reddened Gretchen again uttered, “Oh, my god.” After Leachman had done the dirty deed, Brian jested, “Wow! And, it’s a bit of a relie[f]. Now, we got rid of the tension, we can go along with the interview. And, now, we’re out of time.”

As a grimacing Gretchen leaned forward in relief, a lecherous Leachman turned to her with a wicked gleam in her eye and moved toward a ruddy Gretchen. As she did, an alarmed Gretchen exclaimed, “Oh! No, no!” Fleeing the couch for safety, an embarrassed Gretchen continued, “Okay, okay! I’m going over to Kristin [Chenoweth (her next guest)]. Hey, Kristin!”

Vintage F&F.

Gretchen Carlson: “Basel, Basil, Whoever He Is”

September 14, 2011

Basel a man? Oops! More fodder for Jon Stewart’s Gretchen Carlson “dumbing [herself] down” segment? Perhaps, the former Miss America, Stanford cum laude alum, and, yes, classical violinist (vid), is not dumb but she certainly did not adequately prepare this morning for a business segment. But, co-anchor Steve Doocy and FBN Senior Correspondent Charles Gasparino seemed to wish that she had.

During an F&F segment prosaically entitled “Politics or Good Policy? Frank Pushes to Reform the Fed Voting Rights,” Steve quoted JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon’s attack on Basel III banking capital rules as being “anti-American.” Afterwards, Steve explained, “What the Basel is saying is that you [banks] have to up the amount of cash in the kitty.” Concurring, biz whiz Gasparino elaborated, “There is a global regulation known as the Basel Accord: This is Basel III. And, they’re saying you need to basically up the amount of cash, the amount of capital on hand for a bank.” Subsequently, Gretchen weighed in–much to her chagrin.

Almost dismissively, a prolix Gretchen opined, “Right. But, the big story here–because most Americans don’t study Basel, Basil, whoever he is on a daily basis–the big story is that this leader of JPMorgan, one of the most esteemed banks in the world, has paid many visits to this White House and appeared to be a supporter of this President and for him to come out with this kind of anti-regulation argument is very substantial.” [Underscored and italicized for emphasis.] In response, both Steve and Gasparino gulped in apparent astonishment. As they tried to remain stone-faced, Steve could not quite suppress a slight smile nor Gasparino a subtle smirk.

As Gretchen should have well known, Basel is not a he. Rather, it is Switzerland’s third largest city. More to the point, it is the home of the Secretariat of the Basel Committee on Banking Supervision which developed those very “comprehensive set of reforms” known as Basel III.

No, Basel is not an herb either.

Related Carpe Diem stories include “No, I’m Not Dumbing Myself Down!” (December 14, 2009); “Gretch: Sorry, I Actually Was Valedictorian” (July 1, 2010); and “Gretchen Carlson’s ‘Release’” (December 2, 2010).

FNC’s Molly Henneberg Preggers

August 31, 2011

“A new Redskins fan later this year.” FNC correspondent Molly Henneberg announced her pregnancy this morning on Fox & Friends. As her 8:32 a.m. ET report from the White House ended, the life-long, DIEHARD Washington Redskins fan joyfully asked, “Did I tell you all that my husband [Marine Capt. Chris Nagel] and I are expecting a new Redskins fan later this year?”

When the co-hosts had clapped and had offered their hearty congratulations, co-anchor Gretchen Carlson asked, “What’s your due date?” Radiant, Molly answered, “December 25th, Christmas Day!” Later, she disclosed, “It’s a little girl. We’re going to name her Jacqueline after my mom.”

Congratulations, Molly and Chris!

Carlson’s Sexy Cruise

August 31, 2011

Gretchen: “I can’t tell you what movies I saw.” Bronzed and refreshed, Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson returned from her vacation to the center of the curvy couch today. Looking sassy and sexy in her short, sleeveless,  turquoise dress, Gretchen appeared ready and able to titillate her co-hosts and her viewers. And, she did.

After showing the “Shot of the Day” (Justin Beiber‘s “wrecked” Ferrari), co-anchor Brian Kilmeade  jested, “He’s a little bit different of a kid who’s working to be normal.”* Concurring, co-host Steve Doocy declared, “That’s true. You saw the movie?” In reply, Brian said, “Right.  Because I was on the Disney cruise–you [Gretchen] were just on a cruise….They [Disney] showed the Justin Bieber documentary every nine minutes.” Turning to him with a saucy smile, Gretchen interjected, “I can’t tell you what movies I saw.”

Grinning goatishly, Brian queried, “You can’t?” Shrugging her shoulders suggestively, Gretchen cooed, “They’re a little different.” Probing Puckishly, Brian chuckled, “People have clothes on?” Laughing, Gretchen quickly answered, “Yeah.” Then she risquely added, “Sometimes!”

Tanned, rested and randy: Carlson 2011!

* Fox & Friends – 08/31/11 (@ 6:31 a.m. ET)

Penguin Poops: HuffPo Oops!

August 28, 2011

Carpe Diem: scanned but unread? Someone at the Huffington Post has egg–or penguin poop--on his face. After Carpe Diem reported that karma visited Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade Wednesday in the form of African penguin dung for his maligning of Happy Feet (the straying Antarctica penguin who ended up in New Zealand), HuffPo appeared to retell the story without a customary “h/t.”

Perhaps, as a result, karma revisisted HuffPo. Apparently, the HuffPo author merely scanned the Carpe Diem article before penning his own. In the beginning of the Carpe Diem column, F&F‘s co-anchor Gretchen Carlson’s warning to Brian after he disparaged Happy Feet a month ago was quoted. Unfortunately, the HuffPo columnist did not read more closely or he would have realized that Juliet Huddy, not Gretchen Carlson, was co-hosting Wednesday: since he did not, he erroneously dubbed the F&F co-host as Gretchen Carlson in an apparent rewrite of Carpe Diem‘s “Kilmeade’s Karma: A Penguin’s Revenge.”

HuffPo‘s chagrin: it’s karma?

[Author's aside: If the reader watches HuffPo's own vid, Juliet Huddy is clearly seen for a brief moment during the abbreviated penguin segment. P.S. TVNewser got it right three days later.]


Kilmeade’s Karma: A Penguin’s Revenge

August 24, 2011

Gretchen: “I guess you don’t like penguins. The next time they come on the show….” Less than a month after Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson uttered those ominous words to Brian after he scoffed at her heartwarming story about Happy Feet (the straying Antarctica penguin who ended up in New Zealand), co-host Brian Kilmeade got his just desserts. I.e., he got dumped on today–literally–by Happy Feet’s African cousin.

In a delightful “Penguin Picassos” segment, Brian and his co-hosts, Steve Doocy and Juliet Huddy, interviewed the Mystic Aquarium caretakers of two African penguins, Yellow Red and her mate Gray Silver, who walk over canvas to create paintings. When Yellow Red had demonstrated her technique, Brian reached out his hands and asked, “Wow! Now, could I hold her?” Moving away from Brian, the caretaker replied, “She might let you touch her. Let me go back here [to the canvas for another walkover].” After Yellow Red made another run, Brian remarked, “Wow! That’s fantastic.”

When the camera subsequently panned over to a, possibly, now jealous Gray Silver held high by his caretaker, Brian exclaimed, “Oh, geesh! Uh! My brand new shoes!” As Juliet howled with laughter, Steve asked, “What happened to you?” Brian replied, “Uh, it’s, I got to change my shoes.”

As Brian then limped off the set, he held his black right shoe high in the air in disgust: staining it was the white fecal karma for his Happy Feet diss. As if Brian needed to be reminded, Steve “sympathetically” said, “Brian…and that was a new pair of shoes.” Seemingly exasperated, Brian responded, “I know! That’s the last time I have a penguin at my house.”

Or, perhaps, just a little more penguin respect in the future, Brian? Karma’s a penguin. At least, today.

Geraldo’s F&F Gaffe: “Steve, E.D., and Brian”

August 12, 2011

Indignant Gretchen: “Geraldo, Gretchen’s been doing this show for about five years. Not E.D [Hill]!” Twice this morning FNC anchor Geraldo Rivera called Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson “E.D.” And, Gretchen was not amused–at being confused with her older, immediate predecessor, i.e., the blond brassy Texas beauty, E.D. Hill (whom the 1989 Miss America unceremoniously replaced as FNC celebrated its tenth anniversary).

When Geraldo concluded his weekly Geraldo at Large promo segment today at a ceremony honoring the returning troops from Afghanistan at Fort Campbell, KY, he somberly noted the year of loss to them and the consequent questions of whether the sacrifices were worth it. As he did, he mistakenly said, “Steve, E.D., and Brian.”* Then, as he began the further question of the troops families, i.e., “Where do we go from here?,” the apparent cackle of Gretchen could be heard. When Geraldo concluded a few moments later, he remarked, “These are very, very important issues, Steve, E.D., and Brian.”

Without so much as acknowledging those “very, very important issues,” Gretchen insouciantly exclaimed, “Geraldo, Gretchen’s been doing this show for about five years: not E.D!” Looking perplexed at her solipsistic response, Geraldo stammered, “What, what’s that about five years?” Laughing heartily, Gretchen waved her hand dismissively and answered, “”It’s okay. I’ll tell you when I see you next week.”

Ending the segment with a sigh, Steve said, “Alright, Geraldo Rivera live at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, with General Campbell.” Chuckling, guest co-host Clayton Morris commented, “You’re going to receive a nice fruit basket in your office very soon. I’m sure of that.” Gretchen responded, “I am?” Clayton replied, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

As Gretchen took apparent umbrage at Geraldo’s gaffe, ironically, she made her own. I.e., she forgot the returning troops, their fallen comrades, and their respective families at Fort Campbell. Maybe, a few more fruit baskets should be in order. Posthaste.

*Fox & Friends - 08/12/11 (@ 8:32 a.m. ET)

Update: Video of Geraldo’s second (segue) gaffe. (Courtesy of J$P.)


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