Terse Gretch Explains Absence

“I’m glad to be back here today.” Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson seemed rather defensive this morning about her absence yesterday from F&F‘s Boston Marathon tragedy special edition. Appearing eager to explain America Live‘s Megyn Kelly‘s appearance on the curvy couch in her place, Gretchen got straight to the point as soon as the show started.

After the obligatory opening teases for the program, Gretchen solemnly said, “Welcome, everyone. Good to be back.” As her co-hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy looked at her with stone faces, a seemingly agitated Gretchen declared, “Unfortunately, I was on an airplane when all of this happened in Boston and could not get from the West Coast. I’m glad to be back here today.” In response, Steve stayed strangely silent and Brian simply said, “Yeah.”

Yeah. Sounds like someone may have heard the scuttlebutt. Or, read Carpe Diem yesterday.

F&F’s Special Megyn Kelly: “Now I’m Curvy”

Preggers pretty: “This is interesting for me.” America Live anchor Megyn Kelly returned regally to Fox & Friends‘ curvy couch this morning to fill-in for the seemingly increasingly absent Gretchen Carlson. Looking resplendent in a purple modest dress with a demurely plunging neckline, the gravid beauty joined co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade for a Boston Marathon tragedy special edition. Like F&F Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota who oft takes the field for F&F‘s ”A Team” on other momentous occasions, Megyn provided her usual grace and necessary gravitas to carry the show with the boys for four long hours of in-depth coverage of the horrific killings and the monstrous maimings on Patriot Day as the Bean City showcased the national’s oldest marathon.

After F&F coverage of the chaos for over two long hours, Megyn decided to give her audience a short interlude of levity. Mid-show, subsequent to Boston-based FNC correspondent Molly Line‘s report subtitled “Boston Terror Bombings,” she started to discuss the survivors’ loss of their limbs and security and to contrast their plight with the comfort of the co-hosts and their viewers, saying, “Here we are…on the curvy couch.” Interrupting herself mid-sentence, Megyn declared, “This is interesting for me. I did it [co-hosting] once seven years ago”: Placing both her palms on her stomach, she chuckled, “But, never pregnant!”

Pointing to Megyn’s baby bump in reply, Steve smilingly jested, “Now you’re curvy to go with the couch!” Grinning jauntily, Megyn replied, “Now, I’m curvy, right! You’ve got a curvy anchor to go on the curvy couch!”

Vintage Megyn Kelly: serious news–with her saucy take. Lawyer journo GQ “hot”!

[Author's aside: For Megyn's AL announcement of her third-to-be, cf. here for video.]

“I’m Alisyn Camerota”: Gretchen Who?

“Gretchen is off this week and Aly is in her spot.” Thus, Fox & Friends co-anchor Steve Doocy explained yesterday the latest absence of co-host Gretchen Carlson, who has reportedly been haggling with FNC for her own show.*  However, today, without any mention of filling in for Gretchen, guest co-anchor Alisyn Camerota introduced herself at the start of each hour simply saying, “I’m Alisyn Camerota.” Noteworthy? Perhaps.

As Gretchen absences seem more and more oft, Fox & Friends fans may be forgiven for wondering if FNC Executive VP of Programming Bill Shine is auditioning vixens anew for the center seat on the curvy couch. Monday, Fox & Friends First co-host Ainsley Earhardt made an appearance; Tuesday, Anna Kooiman, the former F&FF co-anchor who has suddenly enjoyed a significant presence on F&F (corresponding with the one-year anniversary of the latest iteration of F&FF which she and Ainsley christened together).* Yesterday and today, Aly, the consummate center F&F curvy couch co-anchor, took “Gretchen’s place” not only without a hitch but took it up a notch as usual.

If Gretchen does leave her seat on the F&F shared sofa for her own FNC chair, it seems obvious that Aly would be the natural choice. But, Anna appears to be the “wild card”: She’s smart, beautiful, and, oh, so ENERGETIC–and F&F wants its viewers to get to know her better:  Lately, it has proudly showcased her on a very regular basis, e.g., as the sexy “turbo kicking” teacher [vid]; the sensual Cirque du Soleil acrobat; and as the fearless five-city reporter in search of an “honest man.”

Nevertheless, the author tends to think that the more seasoned Aly is and would continue to be a natural fit with the weekday A-Team of Steve and Brian Kilmeade. As for Anna? She certainly would serve as a sexy, sharp, spunky F&F Weekend co-host to contrast with the ever awkward Tucker Carlson and “tech geek” Clayton Morris if Aly moves up when Gretch moves out.

*Fox & Friends – 03/20/13 (@ 8:01 a.m. ET)

“Proud” Tucker: It Hasn’t Impaired My Dignity!

Co-host Clayton Morris: “I gave that up a long time ago!” Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Tucker Carlson seems to finally be “let[ting] us in” as his co-host Alisyn Camerota obliquely requested over three months ago. Yesterday, the usually uptight conservative Daily Caller co-founder decided to do a “down and dirty” tease with the “Clean Momma” a la his Dancing with the Stars days [via F&FW meteorologist Rick Reichmuth's  vid]:* In fact, he even did an encore in the subsequent fitness segment illustrating the “Dustpan-Busting Butt-Burner” for Clean Momma who “want[ed] to watch [his] butt go up and down.”** Today, Tucker dutifully donned with good humor F&FW‘s de rigeur St. Patrick’s Day kitsch alongside Aly and Clayton for the amusement of their F&FW fans. [Aly assistant Jenn Rivera pics: 1, 2.]

Over three months ago (on his third day as unofficial new F&FW co-host), Tucker and his co-anchors (Aly and guest co-host Mike Jerrick) had their personal signatures analyzed by handwriting expert Michelle Dresbold, author of Sex, Lies and Handwriting.*** When Tucker showed Ms. Dresbold’s his autograph (“TSMC”), she incredulously declared, “Most people, at least, cursive their signature: When you print, it…means you’re not letting anyone see you too much. And, you only write your initials which means ‘I’m really not letting you see too much: I’m doing quick as I can and get it done.”

Downplaying Dresbold’s rather frank assessment, a stone-faced Tucker joked, “It’s like ‘Tears of a Clown’: I keep it inside.” Not letting him off so easily, Aly interjected, “Um, why won’t you let us in, Tucker?” Smiling and pointing at his heart, Tucker riposted, “I don’t know. Because it’s too dark inside.”

Perhaps, with the assistance of a few early morn Irish coffees, Tucker finally opened himself a mite on this St. Paddy’s Day weekend. But, if he really wants to win his F&FW viewers over, Tucker will have to follow Aly’s intimated advice to let them in. Otherwise, FNC’s sun-”Shine” may reconsider allowing the “other Carlson” to brighten too many more F&FW dawns.

[Author's aside (re title and subtitle): As the third hour of F&FW opened, Tucker donned a fake green mustache and Clayton and Aly sported matching gawdy sunglasses. Undaunted, Tucker protested, "We're not too proud to celebrate St. Patrick's Day on this program....It hasn't impaired my dignity!" With a slight smile, Clayton comically replied, "I gave that up a long time ago!"]

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/17/13 (@ 8:49 a.m. ET)

**Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/17/13 (@ 3:22/4:12)

***FNC vid via Mediaite.

Nicoles’ Sexy “Stalk”: Janice’s Breathy Walk!

Saucy Dean apes sultry Petallides: Fox-y catwalk catfight? Playful FNC meteorologist Janice Dean made racy sport of her colleague FBN correspondent Nicole Petallides‘ “stalk walk” this morning to the great delight of Fox & Friends‘ co-hosts and its fans.

Less than five minutes after the always sensual Nicole gave her usual “walk-and-talk” business report (from the floor of the New York Stock exchange), a playful Janice appeared for her weather report outside the studio.* After her intro from F&F co-host Steve Doocy as the “Snowball Machine,” Janice remarked, “Now, Steve, Gretch [Carlson], and Brian [Kilmeade], I’m a big fan of Nicole Petallides’ stalk walk, you know when she walks and she talks about the stock. So…I think I’m going to do a weather walk: So, I’m going to talk about the weather while I walk.”  Raising her eyebrows wantonly, she purred, “Are you ready? Are you ready for this?”

Excitedly, Gretchen interposed, “Oh, my gosh!”

Pulling back her shoulders, Janice began to sexily sashay down the F&F veranda. As Steve giggled and Gretchen cackled, Janice breathily began to give her weather report. Joining in the bawdy fun, producers suddenly started to play stereotypical sexploitation music (a la Shaft‘s theme): Naughtily, an off-cam Steve teased, “Janice, how would you describe the voice you’re using right now?”

Staying in character, an undaunted Janice continued her rutty strut, cooing, “It’s my weather walk voice!” As an appreciative Steve laughed, an even more impressed Gretchen intoned, “Oh, my gosh! This is fantastic!” As Janice beamed broadly, a randy Brian interjected, “By the way, Ted on camera is going to need a shower after this segment!”

Bowing after her bravo performance, Janice declared, “There’s my weather walk everybody!” Smiling, Steve said, “Very nicely done! Pioneering a new aspect on Fox & Friends!” Chiming in, Gretchen added, “Janice, you realize [that] we’re going to expect that everyday now!”

Enthusiastically, Janice answered, “Fantastic! It’s the only time I’m going to get exercise.”

As the segment ended, Brian pronounced, “So, that’s the weather walk. Nicole will have her answer at some point, I’m sure.”

Indeed. And, assuredly, the gammy Greek goddess’ votaries eagerly await that answer to the cheeky Canadian’s challenge.

Until then, kudos, Janice! And, encore! Encore!

*Fox & Friends – 02/28/13 (@ 8:38 a.m. ET)

Gretch’s Valentine Secret: “Not…For Broadcast!”

“Everyone’s going to have a good Valentine’s Day but me now.” Oops! Fox & Friends du jour “Dr. Love” Marc Siegel let co-anchor Gretchen Carlson‘s off-air romance remark about her hubby Casey Close out of the bag this morning–much to her chagrin. Poor Casey!

In the segment about medical love myths, Gretchen asked Dr. Siegel whether “love at first sight” exists.* After he had declared that it does indeed, co-host Brian Kilmeade interjected, asking if nature was thereby drawing men and women together to procreate. Emphatically, Dr. Siegel asserted, “Absolutely true, within the first couple of seconds!” Elaborating, perhaps, a mite too much, he declared, “It’s not all over after that….Well, you guys…told me you didn’t really love at first sight.” Pointing to Gretchen, Dr. Siegel added, “You didn’t have love at first sight with Casey, you told me.”

Her face reddening to match her dress, a chagrinned Gretchen chuckled, “Oh! Excuse me! That was not necessarily for broadcast.” Looking into the camera as if at her hubby, she fervently declared, “I love you, Honey! Happy Valentine’s Day!” Turning to Brian, she laughed, “Suddenly, this segment’s taking a totally different turn.”

As the segment ended, Gretchen remarked, “Everyone is going to have a good Valentine’s Day except for me now….I hope he’s still sleeping!” Trying to make it up to her man, she explained, “He is a fantastic husband…We, we met on a blind date. It was love at first sight–on the third date!”

“Casey at bat”: With Gretchen, he was “close” but he didn’t strike out!

*Fox & Friends – 02/14/13 (@ 6:23 a.m. ET)

Aly: “Tucker Carlson Here with Us, of Course!”

Unless Bill Shine rolls the dice again. Perhaps, no more needed to be said by Fox & Friends Weekend “regular” co-host Alisyn Camerota. For Tucker Carlson, the Daily Caller co-founder, who made his debut on F&FW as a FNC contributor almost four years ago, it seems that the die is cast: I.e., Alisyn Camerota, queen of the F&FW curvy couch, signaled strongly today that Tucker is indeed erstwhile F&FW co-anchor Dave Briggs‘ permanent replacement.

Almost a month ago, F&FW‘s “After the Show Show” producers appeared to hint that Tucker would replace the recently departed Dave Briggs as the new F&FW co-host when they presented a brief A.S.S. intro of him: During that program, Aly and guest co-anchor Mike Jerrick strongly suggested that Tucker would be the F&FW co-host in the new year 2013. Moreover, approximately, three weeks ago, Aly indicated that Tucker was being “hazed” as a “new co-host” when he haplessly was the “coughing victim” during an F&FW “Fighting the Flu” segment. Furthermore, about two weeks ago, Tucker seemed to be given equal status with Aly and co-anchor Clayton Morris as a F&FW chryon introduced the three as a apparent team at the start of each hour. Last weekend, when Tucker and Aly were off (and subbed for by Mike Jerrick and Anna Kooiman, respectively), it appeared that Tucker may have simply been co-host of the month (January 2013) to the author: However, Aly seemed to try to put that thought to rest today when she introduced her two co-hosts in the second hour, saying, “Mike Jerrick in for Clayton. Tucker Carlson here with us, of course!“*

Caveat: Tucker has not been added to the Fox & Friends Weekend website profiles alongside Aly and Clayton nor has he been included as an FNC “On-Air Personalities: All Anchors & Reporters.” Perhaps, Bill Shine, FNC’s Executive VP of Programming, may want to roll again if the reserved, awkward Tucker is not well received by F&FW fans. Or, perhaps, if Aly is allowed to leave the ship that she has saved for bluer waters, e.g., F&F weekday (if Gretchen Carlson gets her own FNC gig or her contract is not renewed) and Shine decides to start afresh–again.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 02/09/13 (@ 7:32 a.m. ET)

Gretchen’s Joke Falls Flat: “Can You Hear Me?”

Brian: “Yeah, I can.” Today, Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson ribbed her co-anchor Brian Kilmeade about “one of [his] favorite spies…Anna Chapman“–and Brian was not amused. So much so that he ignored Gretchen–to her chagrin. And, the former Miss America is not fond of such a lese-majeste: But, today, she had to sit back on her curvy couch “throne” and brook it.

Mid-show this morn, as producers ran footage of Victoria’s Secret models saucily sashaying down the catwalk and sexily posing for the camera, Gretchen read the headline story entitled, “‘Don’t Be a Plain Jane’: Feds Train Workers to Improve Their Looks” (re a DIA presentation encouraging female employees to don makeup, wear skirts, and paint their nails).  Segueing to a split-screen Brian (co-anchoring from the Big Easy post Super Bowl), Gretchen jested, “Now, Brian, I know that…one of your favorite spies ever was Anna Chapman from Russia. And, she tended to dress up in a skirt, makeup, and used probably some nail polish.”

As Gretchen spoke, Brian, frowning, looked straight ahead at the camera. When Gretchen had finished, Brian looked down at his notes instead of replying. Befuddled at his non-response, Gretchen asked, “Can you hear me?” Looking up without a smile, Brian replied, “Yeah, I can. I, I just never fell for her, her trap. I do believe there is a bigger story there and you know that.”  Embarrassed, Gretchen gulped hard, pursed her lips, and nodded her head repeatedly. With a slight smile, Brian continued,” And, everyone just because she’s hot and has a nice body people kind of fell for it. But, I believe the Russians are still here.”

Russians? Yesteryear, they were red: Today, Gretchen was.

Fox & Friends - 02/04/13 – 7:37 a.m. ET

Awkward Carlson: Camerota’s “New Co-anchor”?

F&FW’s Aly cat: This is sort of a hazing process, Tucker.” Yesterday, Daily Caller co-founder Tucker Carlson returned to co-host Fox & Friends Weekend for the third week in a row. According to one J$P source (Hannity’s Hair) two weeks ago, “@TuckerCarlson [is] not just guest hosting…[but]…will assume full time role on @ffweekend replacing Dave Briggs“: However, Johnny Dollar himself indicated that he had heard that Tucker was simply a “temporary sub.”

Even though the author initially agreed with J$P‘s primary source since Tucker seems somewhat ill at ease on the curvy couch (a la another Carlson on the regular week day version), recent comments from Tucker and his F&F Weekend co-hosts seem to indicate otherwise.

Approximately, one week ago, F&FW‘s “After the Show Show: Hectic schedules” (January 13) featured Tucker in a seemingly introductory mini profile. As A.S.S. started, co-anchor Alisyn Camerota asked, “What is it like to do four hours of morning television?”* In answer, Tucker jested, “I really enjoyed it: It only seems like three hours and forty-five minutes to me.” Appearing to let the cat out of the proverbial bag, guest co-host Mike Jerrick interjected, “Save this tape, ladies and gentlemen. A year from now we will see if he still talks like that.” When, Tucker subsequently remarked, “I’ve loved it. I can’t believe it’s over. I feel sort of sad,” Aly, perhaps, rather revealingly, replied, “Well, we can arrange how to make you feel better next weekend and the weekend after that, etc.”

Yesterday (six days later), in the penultimate segment of F&FW Saturday, Tucker appeared in the “Fighting the Flu” segment where he would be “coughed on” by a medical school dummy.* Donning a black salon apron, blue surgical mask, and clear goggles as he awaited an unwelcome expectoration, he sported the look of a hapless fraternity pledge about to be spoofed. Introducing FNC’s “Medical A Team” member Dr. Marc Siegel report on how easily flu could be spread to her F&FW audience, Aly heartily laughed,  “And, this is what we do to new, new co-anchors who, when they come on the show.” Perhaps, more tellingly, she added, This is just sort of a hazing process, Tucker!”

If so, welcome to the show, Tucker!

*After the Show Show - 01/13/13 (0.15/5.44)

F&FF’s Old Turkey: “Scrambled Up!”

Finally, thrown out? Thankfully, Fox & Friends First‘s awkward “Scrambled Up” signature sign-off seems to have surceased around Thanksgiving. After almost a month of its absence as the segue segment from F&FF to Fox & Friends, it seems safe to say that it has run its course. Now, there is no toss from F&FF co-hosts to their F&F counterparts: instead of the usual hand-off, the F&FF co-anchors crisply conclude their show and simply announce that F&F is next.

For FNC fans who have dreaded the tortured toss exchanges between the F&FF co-hosts and their Fox & Friends colleagues, the change is a welcome one. The F&FF ladies (Ainsley Earhardt, Heather Childers, Heather Nauert, and Patti Ann Browne) no longer have to play second fiddle to F&F diva Gretchen Carlson or her boys, Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy. In fact, they don’t have to play at all with their seemingly scornful sibs who appeared to disdain playing the “Scrambled Up!” jumble with their  F&FF “little sisters.”

Apparently, Ainz, PAB, and the two Heathers are all grown up now–and on their own. At last.

Aly: “Steve & Brian Here with Me”

Gretchen: Hey, everyone! I’m…in for Shep today. Aly at Fox & Friends’ helm soon? Today, FNC anchor Alisyn Camerota was in charge of the F&F “A Team” as F&F Weekend covered the Connecticut school carnage. After a special weekend edition of F&F First, Aly welcomed her audience and the F&F “big boys,” saying, “Good morning, everyone! We appreciate you joining us on this very sad morning. It’s great to have Steve [Doocy] and Brian [Kilmeade] here with me.”

Remarkably, Aly did not note the absence of either of her regular F&FW co-hosts Clayton Morris or Dave Briggs. Furthermore, in this Fox & Friends “special edition,” Aly did not mention her purported “A Team” counterpart Gretchen Carlson, who was conspicuously missing this morning. Has the changing of the F&F “A Team” guard already begun?

Only two days ago, seldom solo host Gretchen notably filled in for Shepard Smith on Studio B, an FNC afternoon show (saying, “Hello, everyone! I’m…in for Shep today”):* Perhaps, her contract negotiations have begun to bear more fruit. According to New York Magazine, Gretchen was “said to want to host her own show on the network but Fox executives [were] resistant to the idea”: furthermore, it reported that a source had said that she had reached a “short-term accord that would keep her on the curvy couch with Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade until the election” but added that “after November, it’s unclear.”

Perhaps, tellingly, Gretchen has seemed to be particularly strident in her polemics lately–as if she might be auditioning for “her own show.” And, her co-hosts Steve and Brian appear reluctantly to be biting their tongue all the more. Perchance, they think that she is starting to spread her wings in anticipation of a flight on her own soon to a later hour on FNC.

Post-election F&F: Gretch a goner? If so, is Aly their new “It girl”? Stay tuned.

*Studio B with Shepard Smith – 12/13/12 (@ 3:00 a.m. ET)

Gretchen’s Cups: “I’m Still a Woman!”

Carlson: “When I woke up this morning and took a shower and I looked down, I still had to put a bra on!” To paraphrase Shania Twain, Fox & Friends anchor Gretchen Carlson feels like a woman! She needs her cups and her F&F boys, Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy, need their cups, too.

For Gretchen’s male admirers who may feel like F&F‘s “alpha bitch” is always kvetching a bit too much, she seemed to turn up the heat for them Wednesday. As the show started with a tease for a “new website helping you find love at the airport,” Gretchen cooed, “I hate to bring it up so early in the morning but there have been a lot of jokes about hooking up on airplanes.” Feigning innocence, she said, “You know, there’s that club so I’m just wondering if that’s what they’re talking about with this dating site.” Chuckling racily, she added, “If you’re married, you’re going to hate this dating site because there could be a lot of other kind of hookups with married people traveling.”

An hour later, when the second F&F hour began, Brian “innocently” promoted a similarly salacious segment, saying, “It’s the story you’ll be talking about all day. More and more men say they’ll never get married because women aren’t women anymore….Gretchen’s gonna punch me in a second.”

In response, Gretchen remarked, “Not at all!” Smiling saucily, she elaborated, “I just think it’s a provocative conversation because when I woke up this morning and took a shower and I looked down…I still had to put a bra on.” When her co-host Steve Doocy joked, “Fox News Alert!,” Gretchen racily riposted, “I’m still a woman….And, I love being a woman. And I, I absolutely love my feminine side!”

Always the wicked wag, Brian jested, “And Steve and I looked down and we didn’t put on bras. So, we know we’re men!”

Laughing, Gretchen bawdily  responded, “You put on a cup!” Beaming, Brian retorted, “Yeah, yeah, absolutely! Because this is a tough business we’ve chosen! Grinning, Steve answered, “You’ve got that right!” Naughtily, Gretchen concluded, “You should just wear it just in case: That’s why I wear the underwire [bra].”

As Steve segued to his more “naive” son Peter Doocy for the next segment, Gretchen lustily laughed, “I know you’re chuckling, Peter, because you didn’t hear any of that first part of the conversation. Did you?” Smiling, Peter answered, “No, I heard it! But, we’re just going to, I’m just going to keep it going.”

Chiming in deftly, Steve exclaimed, “Good idea!” No rubbing Gretchen’s toes for Peter today!

Ainsley’s “Back”: “What Did You Do to Me?”

Clayton: “My, my clothes are still on!” The Coolidge effect? Fox & Friends Weekend guest co-anchor Clayton Morris seemed to have a revived libido Sunday when sexy guest co-host Ainsley Earhardt filled in for F&FW regular co-anchor Alisyn Camerota. In fact, he turned rather rakish during an “Amazing Kreskin!” segment when Ainsley was asked to close her eyes for a card “test” by the famed mentalist.

As famed mentalist “Amazing Kreskin” promoted his new book, Conversations with Kreskin (with a foreword by FNC Prez Roger Ailes), he told of Ailes’ praise for his prowess with cards: Pulling out a deck, he asked Ainsley to close her eyes and to trust him. Smiling as she shut them, she replied, “I trust you.” Pointing to both Clayton and her other co-anchor Dave Briggs, she laughed, “I don’t trust these guys! I’m going to trust you. My life is in your hands.”

When Kreskin had executed his legerdemain for his test of Ainsley, he said, “I want you to open your eyes.” Grinning, Clayton chimed, “You can open you eyes now.” Joining the chorus, Dave commanded, “Open your eyes now. Open them!”

Looking down at her cleavage as she did so, a reddening Ainsley asked, “What did you do to me?” Beaming, Dave declared, “We didn’t touch you–at all!” As Dave put up his palms to assert his innocence, Clayton racily remarked, “My clothes are still on!” In response, Dave’s eyes widened in incredulity as he struggled vainly to maintain his composure: Meanwhile, a chuckling Ainsley blushed all the more. But, she smiled sweetly at her naughty lad Clayton.

Ainsley: back to the future with her bad boys on the weekend? Aly did debut her new do proudly on F&F weekday Monday.** And, as to Gretchen, the election is over.

*Fox & Friends – 11/28/12 (@ 8:26 a.m. ET)

**F&F - 11/19/12 (@ 6:01 a.m. ET)

F&F Cat Spat: Gretch “Slimes” the Two Heathers

Nauert: “She’s wrong for once.” Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson got rather perturbed at her fellow FNC blonde colleagues, F&F First co-hosts Heather Nauert and Heather Childers, for correcting her on air yesterday. In the “Scrambled Up!” segue (consisting of the jumbled letters of a word from a story in the show) from the early F&FF to F&F, Gretchen usually has found it frustrating and daunting: But, Monday she sat smug and confident before the two Heathers’ toss (of the letters, “m,” “l,” “e,” “i,” and “s”). Just not for long.

After F&FF‘s penultimate segment concluded, “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” segment, Nauert declared, “Okay, it’s time to get ‘Scrambled Up’ and Gretchen Carlson is here to help us.”

Grinning, Gretchen blurted, “I already know it: slime.”

“Slime?” queried Nauert, incredulously. Echoing her, Childers chimed, “Slime?”

Rolling her eyes at Gretchen’s answer, a smiling Nauert replied, “Noooo.”

After, possibly, getting the real answer in her ear, Gretchen rolled her shoulders, proclaiming, “It could be.” As Gretchen’s co-host Steve Doocy and Childers chorused “smile” in reply, Nauert charitably declared, “She’s wrong for once.”

Not willing to concedeto her F&F colleagues, Gretchen proudly insisted, “It could be slime.” Coming to her succor, Gretchen’s other co-host Brian Kilmeade inaccurately interjected, “It’s true.”

Looking through the camera at Gretchen with outstretched palms, Nauert confidently declared, “It’s ‘smile’!”

Mimicking Nauert’s body language, Gretchen defiantly shouted, “It could be ‘slime’!”

Compliantly, Nauert’s co-host Childers concurred, “It could have been ‘slime’”: Less deferential to her F&F elder, a seemingly sarcastic Nauert laughed, “It could be. Yes, yes. Very good, Gretchen!”

Having secured her possibly Pyrrhic victory for the moment, Gretchen riposted, “Okay. But, I’ll smile when I say it. Thanks, ladies!”

After that cat spat ended (and as F&FF ended and F&F began), Brian aptly asked, “Was slime in the show, though?” Ignoring his clear implication that she was wrong (since the answer has to have a word in the show itself), Gretchen blithely proclaimed, “That may be the first time that we’ve had a word that could be two words.”

[Author's aside: Actually, Gretchen was right that the answer could have been two words: However, "slime" was not one of them. Both "smile" and "miles" were contained within the subtitles of F&FF stories (consecutive ones) less than ten minutes before "Scrambled Up": "Smiles Not Always Contagious: Bosses Grin at Those Lower in Pecking Order" and "By the Numbers: 24 Miles, 4 Minutes, and 834 MPH" (about the space dive of "Fearless Felix").*]

*Fox & Friends First – 10/15/12 (@ 5:51 a.m. ET)

Kiran Chetry: Back “Soon!!!!!”

ICN: Not a Chance… Only three days ago, Carpe Diem speculated that former Fox News host and CNN anchor Kiran Chetry might once again arouse her fans in the early dawn on yet a third cable news channel, MSNBC. It reported that Kiran had that day announced that she and her “good buddy” MSNBC host Willie Geist were both keynote speakers at Pace University’s Financial Education Day (Pleasantville, NY). Furthermore, it noted that Geist was leaving his show Way Too Early and that Kiran might just be ready for her “very special opportunity” that she had envisioned when she left American Morning over a year ago.

Fellow blogger Spud seemed less than impressed with the author’s musings. In an ICN post a day later entitled, “Willie Geist to Today…,” he asked readers who the new Way Too Early host would be with the options of Luke Russert, Mike Barnicle, Richard Lui, Veronica De La Cruz, Thomas Roberts, and “someone else.” In an update to the article, he linked to Carpe Diem‘s “Kiran Chetry: Way Too Early?,” scoffing, “Not a Chance….”

However, last night, Kiran Chetry appeared ready and eager to get back in the cable news game. With the Vice-Presidential debate as a backdrop, Kiran sent an incredible forty missives (thirty-seven Tweets and three reTweets). Before the debate began, one of Kiran’s acolytes queried, “When are you coming back. [sic] We miss you.” Succinctly, she replied, “[S]oon!!!!!”

Perhaps, Spud is right: But, with the seasonal change, the ole boy may be a bit off his game. Last night, Kiran promised to come back “soon!!!!” And, she seems perfectly positioned to take the place of her “good buddy” Willie Geist at Way Too Early–even if the author wishes she would take her seat on the Fox & Friends curvy couch if her old nemesis, Gretchen Carlson, vacates it after the election.

Judge Napolitano: “[Biden] What a Jackass!”

Fox & Friends‘ Steve Doocy: “Whoa! How do you really feel!” Fox News senior judicial analyst Judge Andrew Napolitano was NOT impressed with Vice President Joe Biden’s performance last night. And, he was more than happy to express it in no uncertain terms this morning on Fox & Friends.

As Judge Napolitano finished his legal segment on F&F this morning (with co-hosts Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson, and Brian Kilmeade), he grumbled, “Listen, after watching the Yankees and Biden last night, oh, my goodness!”* [Italics added for emphasis.]

In explanation to any of his viewers who may not have known the results of the MLB playoff game, Brian replied, “Yankees lost and now there’ll be a game five tonight.”

Grousing, Judge Napolitano replied, “Yes, unfortunately! Biden lost, too. What a jackass! What a jackass!”

As Gretchen eyes widened in shock at the Judge’s assessment of the Vice President, Steve rejoined, “Whoa! How do you really feel!”

Similarly surprised, a beaming Brian chuckled, “Wow!”

Subsequently, a buzzer sounded, seemingly signaling the producers apparent discomfort with the Judge’s epithet. In response, Gretchen exclaimed, “And, that’s how we end the segment!”

As the Judge laughed uproariously, a still incredulous Gretchen concluded, “Thanks very much, Judge!”

“Wow!” Indeed.

*Fox & Friends – 10/12/12 (@ 6:41 a.m. ET)

Update: Segment vid via Mediaite (@ 02:23/02:38).

Gretchen Gets Punked: “Fun with Perverts”

Brian: “I think he was vacuous and drunk.” Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson got “punked” this morning by University of Texas at Austin student Max Rice, seemingly. In a segment ironically entitled “Boomerang Generation Votes,” Gretchen touted him as an unemployed college graduate who had moved in with his parents and portrayed him as an Obama voter who may have changed his mind on the President. Instead of hitting President Obama with this Boomerang voter, Gretchen herself got suckered instead by an apparent young wannabe comedian who styles himself as a gonzo journalist.

After Gretchen wished him a good morning, Rice animatedly answered, “Well, hello, Miss, Miss U.S.A.: It’s an honor!” Rolling her eyes at his misnomer, a slightly agitated Gretchen stammered, “Uh, Miss America [1989] but, but, but close enough.” Grinning, a goofy Rice replied, “Miss America! Miss Universe, in my book, in my book.” Smiling, Gretchen responded, “Oh, okay. Well, well thank you very much.”

Turning serious, Gretchen stated, “Now, tell me your story. You believed in the  “hope and change” of President Obama…so you voted for him….[T]ell me about the next three-and-a-half years.”

Grabbing his Starbucks coffee cup for an insouciant on-camera swig, Rice implausibly declared, “Oh, I was a huge Obama supporter in 2008. I met him in third grade. I met him when I was little.”

Arching her eyebrows, Gretchen asked, “Okay. And, why now are you supporting Mitt Romney?”

Shaking his head, Rice remarked, “Uh, why am I supporting Mitt Romney? It’s actually a funny story: I lost a basketball game to a friend of mine, Alex Dern, who’s a huge supporter of this show.”

Pursing her lips with apparent annoyance, Gretchen replied, “Okay, so it sounds like your not being very serious about this.”

Seeming to realize that his apparent gig was almost up, Rice quickly responded, “I’m also disappointed in the direction that Obama is taking this nation: But, yeah, I will be casting my ballot for Mitt Romney!”

Quizzically, Gretch queried, “And, is it true that you had to go back and live with your parents after you graduated from college?”

Cagily, Rice replied, “Oh, yeah. After I went to college for a bit, I had to absolutely go back and live with my parents this summer. I’m back on my own, independent. I’m on national TV….It’s an honor.”

Her skepticism renewed, Gretchen asked, “Okay. Well, are you being serious about this interview or not?” With a mischievous grin, he answered, “Yeah! I can’t see your face right now: this is so weird.” Smiling, Gretchen sweetly answered, “Alright, actually we’re going to wrap this up right now because I’m not so sure that you’re actually being totally serious about the interview.”

Reluctant to give up his proverbial “fifteen minutes of fame,” Rice demanded, “Oh, we are? I am. Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait.” Chuckling, she responded, “I’m not so sure that you’re ready for prime time yet, with this interview.”

As a still hopeful Rice’s shot ended and before she teased the second hour, Gretchen charitably remarked, “Alright, we’re gonna give Max another chance, maybe, when he’s ready to do the interview.”

When Gretchen and her co-hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy returned from commercial break, Gretchen laughed, “Usually, Brian gets assigned those interviews….I remember the interviews that you’ve done with kids who didn’t have much to say: In this case, I got a big kid that didn’t have much to say in that last [block].” Sweetly, she added, “I feel sorry for this guy; I don’t know him; [and] maybe, he didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Acerbically, Brian remarked, “I think [that] he was vacuous and drunk, personally. He probably doesn’t have a lot to say on his best day! And, this was probably his worst day.”

Author’s aside: It F&F had vetted Max Rice a mite more, Brian, he does have a lot to say. And, to put it politely, some of it is not very nice. The 2010 Senior Class President at New Trier High School‘s graduation speech (1,2) and stand-up comedy routines (1,2) would have provided a clue. Not to mention, a simple perusal of younghotmeat‘s cruel YouTube video series “Fun with Perverts”  should have put an immediate kibosh on any thought of such an interview with Rice.

*Fox & Friends – 09/17/12 (@ 6:54 a.m. ET)

Update: Vid via TVNewser (within article by Alex Weprin).

[Author's aside: Weprin gives Mediaite a "hat tip" in his main article for noting that Rice was "snarky." But, he fails to give another to Carpe Diem in his later update for noting that Rice is a "wannabe" stand-up comedian [supra]. He nonchalantly claims, “After about three minutes of Googling, it looks at though Rice is a (wannabe?) stand up comedian.” Guess Weprin should Google before his writes a piece or just check “Carpe Diem” for the rest of the story.]

Update 2: According to the Washington Examiner, FNC Executive VP of Programming Bill Shine addressed Gretch’s punking, saying, “We are still examining the situation but it will be addressed with the appropriate parties involved.” In genteel terms, someone is going to the woodshed at best for that inexplicable blunder.

Update 3 (correction and addendum): As the author indicated, supra, Rice is no college graduate: However, he is no longer enrolled at the University of Texas at Austin. Rather, he is now a matriculate at Columbia College in Chicago according to the Washington Post. Of his dubious brush with fame, Rice remarked, “Anyone can say what they want as long as they realize that [Fox & Friends is] a sham and it’s wrong….I’ve always hated Fox & Friends.” H/t J$P (and Chicago Sun-Times).

Fox & Friends: Gretch a Goner?

Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson‘s future at Fox News is in question according to New York Magazine. NYM reported that one of its sources said that Gretchen and FNC are “haggling over her contract terms” and revealed that Gretchen wants her own FNC show but Fox suits are not keen on the idea. However, NYM indicated that one lead said that Gretchen and FNC had “reach[ed] a short-term accord that would keep her on the curvy couch with Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade until the election [b]ut after November, it’s unclear.”

Over a month earlier, the author noted Gretchen’s uncertain future at Fox & Friends in a Carpe Diem article entitled, “Gretchen’s ‘Last Summer Vacation.’” After Gretchen decided to take her one “last summer vacation before kicking into high gear for the political conventions and the election,” he noted that F&F began not only to utilize its regular talent such as Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota and Fox & Friends First co-host Ainsley Earnhardt but also to showcase significantly possible celebrity replacements, i.e., Olympian Dara Torres and former American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi. Yet, the writing was still not necessarily on the proverbial wall.

Now, it well may be. As Inside Cable News declared, “If there is a shred of truth to this [New York Magazine story], Carlson is on dangerous ground. Roger Ailes and FNC have a history of summarily dispatching talent whose dreams are bigger than FNC reality will tolerate (see: Chetry, Kiran).”

Wouldn’t that be ironic? Deliciously so–if Ailes finally forgave Gretchen’s nemesis, Kiran Chetry, for her “seminal sin” and welcomed the waiting beauty back into the FNC fold with that “very special opportunity.” After all, Aly is indispensable to F&F Weekend.

Brian: Kooiman, I’m Better at Screwing Than You!

Blushing Anna Kooiman: “Get out! Get out!” Today, Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade may have taken his James Bond fantasy a bit too far on air. Yesterday, he proudly proclaimed himself a virtual 007 with “the fancy car” and “the beautiful women, ” not to mention a newly acquired  jet-pack expertise [on his Tampa vid (via J$P) during RNC last week]. Hoping to prove his Irish/Italian machismo anew during the DNC this week, Brian challenged his beautiful blond FNC colleague, Anna Kooiman, to a drag race on the Charlotte Motor Speedway in her hometown: But, that sweet Southern belle was not about to let him have a victory on her turf. Nevertheless, in true Fleming fashion, the boy got the girl in the end–in a fashion, to her chagrin.

In Anna’s first-hour visit on the curvy couch with the F&F co-hosts, Brian teased her report on NASCAR, saying, “They [NASCAR] even gave us the keys to their cars at the Charlotte Motor Speedway.” Subsequently, Anna aired footage of her interviewing CMS CEO and President Marcus Smith; of her taking a scary ride with a driver on the track; and of her beginning to race a cocksure Brian (adorned in full NASCAR regalia).

When Anna’s video ended with Anna and Brian’s speeding off into the distance, co-anchor Steve Doocy asked, “And, who’s the winner?” Raising her arms in triumph, a chuckling Anna chimed, “Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Reddening, Brian admitted, “Alright, she definitely beat me!…She averaged 89 miles an [sic] hour: I averaged 75 miles an [sic] hour.” Elaborating, Anna said that she thought Brian was playing a joke on her and that she offered him a rematch but a sudden pouring rain precluded one.

But, Brian did get, at least, a measure of revenge. In the final hour of F&F, he took Anna on in the NASCAR Hall of Fame Pit Crew Challenge (“tire change” which included unscrewing and screwing bolts).* After easily finishing first, Brian walked over to Anna and knelt down beside her as she tried vainly to complete the contest. Taunting her, Brian bawdily teased, “Kooiman, give it up! Face it: I am better at screwing than you!” Reddening in chagrin, Anna smilingly exclaimed, “Noooo! No!”

Subsequently, admitting defeat for the moment, Anna challenged Brian to a future rematch in New York City. After he agreed to a tie-breaker, he tossed back to his amused co-hosts, Steve and Gretchen Carlson. Almost flustered, Gretchen chortled, “Brian, the only thing I remember from that whole thing right there was just what you said just two seconds ago.” Feigning ignorance, a beaming Brian deadpanned, “That we’re one-and-one lifetime against each other.”

Blushing all the more, Anna interjected, “Right!” Shaking her head in disagreement, Gretchen laughed, “No!” Putting her hand frantically to her throat (as if cutting it repeatedly) in a hopeful plea to F&F‘s producer, a fully flushed Anna implored, “Get out! Get out!” When the cam mercifully began to pan out, Anna, embarrassed, pulled her head back in almost utter disbelief.

Welcome to Brian’s wacky world, Anna!

*Fox & Friends – 09/05/12 (@ 8:47 a.m. ET)

Update: Kilmeade/Kooiman Pit Crew Challenge video via J$P. H/t, Johnny Dollar!

Gretchen’s “Last Summer Vacation”

Hm. “Who is Dara Torres?…Who is Kara DioGuardi?” Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson announced Wednesday that she is off on yet another vacation only three days after she returned from an earlier one in her home state of Minnesota. She Tweeted, “[H]ave a great 12 days! off for the last summer vacation before kicking into high gear for the political conventions and the election. gc.” But, for Fox & Friends?

On the following Thursday and Friday, F&F showcased not only two regular replacements but also two celebrity ones. Thursday, F&F Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota filled in for Gretchen for the first two hours and Olympian swimming great and buffed blonde beauty Dara Torres subbed in the final hour: Friday, F&F First co-host Ainsley Earnhardt and jilted American Idol judge and bikini babe Kara DioGuardi did likewise. Both days, F&F introduced the celeb co-hosts with their respective “Who Is…” segments [albeit with Dara getting her own pictorial with Olympian shots and pin-up photos (1, 2) to boot].

In fact, F&F seemed to give its “celeb” co-hosts much more introduction than has been their usual wont. Given Gretchen’s frequent absences of late, one may be forgiven for wondering if F&F may be auditioning future F&F co-hosts. especially, since Gretchen’s 2008 multi-year contract anniversary date appears to have recently occurred. With the possibility of a renewal or a novation, Gretchen’s “kicking into high gear for the political conventions and the election” may be for Fox News in general, not F&F in particular.

F&F tryouts? While the cat is away, perhaps, F&F will play. Stay tuned.