Posts Tagged ‘Comedy Central’

Gretchen Carlson: “Persecuted”?

July 25, 2013

Religion, politics, and scandal: fact or fiction? No, Persecuted is not a biopic of the Fox & Friends co-host oft lampooned by Saturday Night Live or facilely skewered by Jon Stewart. But, it might just be the name of the major film that she said that she would be filming within the next ten days today in the After the Show Show. [Vid via J$P.]

As A.S.S. started this morning, F&F co-hosts Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson, and Brian Kilmeade and FNC meteorologist Marina Molina sat together on the curvy couch. As usual, Brian Kilmeade left almost immediately to go to his Kilmeade & Friends radio show. Shortly, thereafter, Gretchen started to arise, saying, “I’m going off to shoot a movie, actually: So, I’ll see you in about ten days.”

Seemingly, on cue, Steve asked, “In a movie? What kind of movie?” Gleefully, Gretchen answered, “Yeah. A major motion picture.”

As Gretchen walked off the set, Steve queried, “What are you gonna do?” Coyly, Gretchen replied, “It’s a secret!” Following up, Steve asked, “Are you gonna be like the local newsperson or an anchorperson?” Gretchen responded, “Something like that.”

Probing, Steve demanded, “Where are they filming the movie?” Gretchen insisted, “It’s a secret!” “Albuquerque, New Mexico?” Steve persisted.

As Gretchen ignored Steve’s question, Maria queried, “What made you pick that location?” Putting his hand to his forehead suggestively, Steve said, “A voice in my head!” Apparently, to their F&F producers, Maria laughed, “Oh, you told him!”

According to a New Mexico Film Office press release, “feature Persecuted” began mid-July and will end in early August in Albuquerque. Gretchen’s probable “major motion picture” is co-produced by Oscar-winning Gray Frederickson (Apocalypse Now and Godfather) and includes actors, James Remar (Django: Unchained, X-Men: First Class, etc.); Bruce Davison (Lost, X-Men, etc.), and Fred Thompson (Die Hard 2 and Law & Order and former U.S Senator of Tennessee). (The plot revolves around an evangelist framed by a Senator for the murder of a young girl and the persecution that inevitably ensues.)

Gretchen Carlson: “Persecuted”? Or, will she, perhaps, “Transcend” it all?

H/t: J$P.

Fox & Friends: TNA or “T&A”? [Updated]

May 24, 2012

Brian spanked by Brook beauty.  Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade got his appreciative rump repeatedly slapped this morning as he welcomed former “Hogan Knows Best” reality star and sexy chanteuse Brook Hogan to the program. Promoting TNA’s new Thursday time slot on SpikeTV, Hulk Hogan‘s daughter, the new executive at TNA (Total Nonstop Action) Wrestling executive brought her wrestling lovelies Velvet Sky and ODB for her segment with Brian and his F&F co-anchor Steve Doocy: And, the Brown-Haired-Guy-Who-Isn’t-Steve-Doocy was not disappointed as he took on the scantily clad ladies in a mock match.

When Steve began the “In the Ring with Brooke Hogan” interview (in the middle of the wrestling ring on the sidewalk outside the studio), he asked Brooke about her “new” show. Before she could answer, Brian jauntily interjected, “It’s TNA!” With a suggestive smile, Steve asked, “What does that stand for?”

Knowingly, Brooke answered, “TNA: Total Nonstop Action Wrestling: wagging her finger at Steve, she laughed, “Don’t let your mind go there–even though they’re very beautiful!” When a joshing Steve asked if she were talking about “these employees over here of yours,” Brooke chuckled and Brian interposed, “We’re talking about Velvet Sky and ODB!”

Subsequently, as a busty ODB began to play with Brian’s tie, Brooke joked, “Uh, oh! Uh, oh! I think you got a girlfriend there.” Smiling, Brian riposted, “Well, I’m seeing somebody right now but you never know if it’s gonna really last.” Getting in on the action, leggy, abs-bearing beauty Velvet Sky grabbed his right hand, querying, “Hey, there’s no ring though, right?”: then, espying it on his left hand, she looked at the camera as if at Brian’s beloved [Dawn], declaring, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

When the interview ended, Steve and Brooke went to the ropes as Brian took off his coat to fight his pretty opponents. When the “fight” ensued, Velvet Sky began the contact with a touch to Brian’s arm and then a tap to his posterior. Then, she and ODB took Brian through a demonstration of their moves with a toss into the turn buckle, a choke hold, a shot to the solar plexus, and then a clothes-line hit. Consequently, Brian good-naturedly hit the damp mat on his duff.

Beaming, Brian returned to the fray. Giving him no quarter, Velvet Sky got Brian into a full Nelson and OBD gave him a fake knee to the groin. As Brian feigned a protest to Brooke, Velvet Sky playfully patted him on his tush thrice, saying, “Nice wet pets you got there!” Grinning, Brian agreed, “I know. I do have wet pants.” As Steve stepped in and asked if he were okay, a bemused Brian animatedly answered, “What? I’m, I’m watching Thursday night, I tell you, because I want to see, especially, if you ladies wrestle.”

However, Brian was not done with the lovely Velvet Sky. When she (and OBD) subsequently wrestled one of the Fleet Week seaman volunteers and had him “at her mercy” in an arm twist, Brian decided to intervene. Returning to the inner ring, a beaming Brian dropped to his knees and tackled the short-skirted lovely. Sky vainly struggled to regain her footing: But, Brian’s amorous embrace was sure.

F&F today: T&A. Oops! TNA.

[Author's aside: Apparently, Velvet Sky was unimpressed with's Brian's ardor: after their "rassling" romp, she teased, "Really Brian Kilmeade?? With a take down like the one you gave me this morning you should have your man card revoked!"]

Related Fox & Friends fanny friskiness [update re lore]: “Kiran Chetry Spanks Kelly Wright!” (video) – 10/22/06 “Grope an Anchor Day” (Clayton Morris‘ cheeks clutched by chap) – 04/04/09; “Brian’s Love Tap” (Alisyn Camerota‘s tush slapped by Brian Kilmeade) – 11/11/10; and “Kara Gropes Kilmeade” (Brian’s bum squeezed by model Patricia Kara) – 11/08/11.

Megyn Kelly: Jon Stewart “Mean and Unfair”

April 24, 2012

“What? Was that out loud?” Apparently, America Live anchor Megyn Kelly is no big fan of Daily Show host Jon Stewart, who has taken several acidic shots at her (e.g., her maternity leave and contraception coverage positions). In fact, Megyn dubbed the Comedy Central comedian “mean and unfair.”

In an AL panel discussion on the wisdom of President Obama’s appearing on comedy talk shows, Megyn questioned whether Jimmy Fallon would aggressively challenge the President on the issues in his appearance tonight on Fallon’s Late Night show. One of the panelists, humorist  Scott Blakeman responded, “I don’t know, but…Jon Stewart–who took my comedy class actually and he’s…a great guy…and Jon is a liberal like myself–gave…the hardest interview [that] President Obama has ever had….So, comedians can ask even better questions that even journalists sometimes.”*

With a sardonic smile, Megyn stammered, “I think, just FYI, I think, I think Jon Stewart needs to go back to your class and needs a refresher on how to do comedy, on how to do comedy–as opposed to being mean and unfair.”

In response to Megyn’s acerbic remarks, Blakeman insisted, “No, no, he’s great. He’s great. He’s very funny.” Continuing, he maintained, “No, no, he’s very funny. He’s a nice Jewish guy like me.”

Sensing that Blakeman’s adamant defense with unassailable by her distaff suasion, Megyn sweetly smiled and coyly chuckled, “What? Was that out loud? Huh? What? Sour grapes, anyone?”

Grapes or not, Stewart’s disses have seemingly left a sour taste in Megyn’s mouth.

*America Live – 04/24/12 (@ 2:38 p.m. ET)

Gretchen: Let’s Not Go There!

October 28, 2011

Brian: “Dumbing it down for us.” Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson still seems to be smarting from Jon Stewart’s left-handed compliment almost two years ago. After an FNC correspondent compared the EU’s resolution of the Greek debt crisis to putting a three-year-old to bed this morning, F&F co-anchor Brian Kilmeade jested, “Right. Obviously, there’s a big push from people on the couch and away from the couch to down it down for us.”*

Apparently, still remembering the slight from the Comedy Central comedian that the Standford grad who won Miss America in 1989 as a classical violinist was playing the part of Chrissy Snow on F&F, Gretchen guffawed. Looking down and adjusting her hem, Gretchen groused, “Let’s not go there!” Beaming, Brian answered, “Yeah!”

But, we must.

*Fox & Friends – 10/28/11 (@ 6:08 a.m. ET)

Brian: “Naked” Graf Great

January 16, 2011

She’s famous; she’s got a good body; and it’s a great cause. After Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade’s first sports segment Friday, he pruriently promised, “And, by the way, I do have a heartwarming fund-raising naked story…coming up later.”* About an hour later, Brian delivered with a headlines story about tennis legend Andre Agassi’s unorthodox fund-raising method on behalf of typhoon victims in Taiwan.

Around mid-show, Brian wrapped up the headline news reports, stating, “Tennis great Andre Agassi has got a new way to raise money for charity: auction off a chance to see pictures of his wife tennis great Steffi Graf naked.”** Subsequently, as a clip aired of Agassi inducing reluctant bidders to pay a handsome price for a charity item by offering to show them his spouse nude in a phone photo,” Brian joyously exclaimed, “And, he did!”

Incredulously, co-host Steve Doocy, shouted, “What!” and guest co-host Aly Camerota  intoned, “Ooh!” In response, Brian explained, “But, it’s for a great cause.” Then, after he elaborated that the charity event was for typhoon victims, Brian asked, “Now, could you really get mad at him? If you’re Steffi Graf, are you mad at Andre?”

Animatedly, Aly answered, “Of course, you’re angry with him!” Brian responded, “These people are, are in trouble. They need clothes and shelter. The least you could do is take yours off.” After guffawing, an amused Aly remarked, “That is grossly inappropriate.” Undeterred, Brian readily riposted, “She’s famous; she’s got a good body; and it’s a great cause. It a good combination!”

Bemusedly, Aly shrieked, “What!” Coming to her aid, Steve declared, “Had you [Brian] been there, it sounds like you would’ve paid.” Brian answered, “I think my wife would be in to it for a great cause.” Unpersuaded, Steve replied, “I don’t think so!” Grinning mischievously, Brian queried, “You don’t think so?”  Smiling somewhat, Steve answered, “Absolutely not!

Amused at her F&F co-host, the “brown-haired guy who isn’t Steve Doocy,” Aly advised, “I think you should ask her first her before you offer it up.” Beaming, Brian answered, “Right, I think I just did. I think I just did. We’ll find out if she has cable.” Laughing in response and looking into the camera, Aly declared, “Dawn [Brian's wife], write into my Twitter account, please.”

Just another day of F&F fun with Aly and the boys.

*Fox & Friends – 01/14/11 (@ 6:35 a.m ET)

**Fox & Friends - 01/14/11 (@ 7:37 a.m. ET)

Gretchen Carlson’s “Release”

December 2, 2010

Don’t email me and tell me I’m ditsy! Okay?” And, “No,  [John Stewart], I’m not dumbing myself down!,” she seemed to assert again. Today Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson yet appeared intent on proving Comedy Central’s Daily Show host Jon Stewart wrong: I.e., no, the 1989 Miss America, who is a Stanford alum, is not “dumbing herself down” for her Fox News audience, e.g., by claiming not to know what “ignoramus,” “double dip recession,” or “czar” meant. Today, Gretchen added “release” to that list.

After a story on House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s failed promise to provide a ladies’ restroom nearer the House of Representatives floor, Gretchen commented, “So the bathroom’s fifty yards away. And, coming into the next Congress there will be seventy-one female members who also have to be sprinters if they would like to go and release themselves while they get back for a vote.”* Laughing at Gretchen’s possibly Freudian malapropism, co-anchor Brian Kilmeade questioned, “Release themselves? Relieve!”

Concurring quickly with Brian’s correction, Gretchen remarked, “Relieved! Whatever that word is. Sorry.” As she began to segue into the next story about new putative Speaker John Boehner’s plan to fulfill Pelosi’s promise, Gretchen abruptly stopped. Admonishing her audience aforehand, she exclaimed, “Don’t e-mail me and tell me I’m ditsy, okay?”

*Fox & Friends – 12/02/10 (@ 7:09 a.m. ET)

Gretch: Sorry, I Actually Was Valedictorian!

July 1, 2010

Trust me. Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson is a blond former Miss America but she is not “dumbing [herself] down” as Jon Stewart suspects. In fact, as she seems to insist, the classical violinist and Stanford alum is smart–really.

After a F&F viewer mail segment today on a school that had thirty valedictorians, Gretchen proudly proclaimed, “Well, speaking personally, I, I was valedictorian, and I have to tell you that there were others at my school who also were. I graduated with over nine hundred kids: we all earned it. I forget if there were five or six of us but it is a huge honor.” Shaking her head earnestly, she concluded, “So, I think that they should not, you know, make it not as big of a deal because it’s something that you work really, really, really hard to attain.”

Seeming to sense that Gretch was waxing too melodramatic, co-host Brian Kilmeade waggishly remarked, “I would have been if there were 220 people less in my class.” Laughing uproariously, co-anchor Steve Doocy joked, “So you had 221 kids in your class? Smiling, Brian deadpanned, “Sometimes, luck doesn’t break your way.”

Still quite serious, Gretchen interjected, “Trust me. You have no idea how many times I have liked to pull that one out of my back pocket.” Amused, Brian asked, “Why?” Gretchen somberly responded, “Because having blond hair and being a woman, it’s easy to be under attack. And, it’s very nice to be able to say, ‘Sorry, I actually was valedictorian.”

No matter what they might say.

A.M. Mammary Memories (More of Zain)

October 27, 2009

American Morning co-host John Roberts ribaldly recalls yet again Zain Verjee’s ample melons. After a Jeanne Moos segment featuring Improv Everywhere singing in a store’s produce section, co-anchor Kiran Chetry commented, “That never happens at my grocery store. How about you?” Randily John replied, “Well, there was that time Zain Verjee appeared in the produce department of a store.”

[For the reader who may not recollect, Zain Verjee appeared on an American Morning “Great Grocery Challenge” segment memorialized by Jon Stewart on his Comedy Central Daily Show. As she was interviewed by guest co-host Kyra Phillips in the produce aisle, Kyra racily remarked, “Nice melon [pause] behind you there!” Also present, a suddenly reddened John whirled around in disbelief and declared, “Whoa!”]

Looking lustily up with almost a leer, John chortled, “I remember fondly back on that.” Grinning, Kiran risquely added, “That’s right. It made everybody very hungry for watermelon, right?” John smiled broadly, chuckled, and remained wisely silent.*

Well, it is that frisky early A.M.!

AM – 10/27/08 (6:55 a.m. ET)

“Lovely Gourd, Jeanne”

January 30, 2009

American Morning co-anchor John Roberts was channeling a naughty Kyra Phillips this morning. When Jeanne Moos ended her segment on a rejected PETA Super Bowl veggie sex ad, she suggestively blew on a phallic-shaped gourd: Laughing, Roberts ribaldly riposted, “Nice gourd, Jeanne. (Roberts seemed to be not so subtly paraphrasing Kyra Phillips “nice melons” comment to Zain Verjee in a grocery segment which was highlighted by Comedy Central comic Jon Stewart.) A smiling Kiran Chetry merely stated, “Butternut squash!”

No double entendres.

Kiran: Underneath My Skirt

January 7, 2009

“Could have gotten ugly”? Many of Kiran Chetry’s admirers would dare to disagree. Like the famed burlesque star Sally Rand, American Morning’s Kiran Chetry may have disabused many of her fans of the mystery of distaff delight. Apparently, no more popular Fox & Friends YouTube moments for now.

After a segment airing the “Moment of Zen” from Comedy Central’s the “Daily Show with Jon Stewart” showcasing Richard Simmons amorously kissing Kiran’s foot, AM co-anchor John Roberts asked, “Did he just snap or what happened?” Kiran explained, “Well, he’s Richard Simmons.” Roberts randily further queried, “A foot kisser?” Kiran replied, “Apparently. He would not let go.”

Then she added, “The…good news is that I had on emergency bike shorts underneath my skirt because it could have gotten [sic] ugly.” When Roberts feigned embarrassment, Kiran tittered, “Too much information?” Roberts responded, “Just a bit.” Laughing, Kiran replied, “You just never know if you’re going to trip in the studio: you’ve got to be covered. I hope that’s not the next moment of Zen.”

Kiran, emergency biking shorts? Sounds like Chris has given you some Zen Depends. You and Janelle may well want to reconsider that netherwear choice.

“If you’re going to trip in the studio,” you might as well look good in the video.

http://jakeho.wordpress.com/2009/01/05/cinderella-kirans-youtube-moment/


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