Posts Tagged ‘Bob Beckel’

Big Bad Bob Explains Brace

April 7, 2014

Five’s Beckel: “Some jerk outside starts talking about my politics.” Yesterday, The Five‘s boisterous, bumptious co-host Bob Beckel appeared on FNC anchor Howard Kurtz’s Media Buzz. And, the old New York brawler proudly explained to his Five fans that he’s not afraid to rumble–and how he got that new brace on his right hand.

Introducing his taped interview with Bob in a segment entitled “Beckel vs. The Right (vid),” Kurtz remarked, “Anyone who watches The Five knows that Bob Beckel is outnumbered on that show: The former Democratic strategist carries the liberal banner at five o’clock and has the scars to show for it. But, I had to change my first question the moment I saw him in New York.”

Subsequently, the on-vid Kurtz welcomes Bob, remarking, “I can’t help but notice that your hand is bandaged. Did you finally get fed up at the Five and take a swing at somebody?

Shaking his head with a slight smile, Bob answered, “No, I didn’t! I didn’t. Somebody gave me a little heat outside!”

Wanting his viewers to see Bob’s brace closer, Kurtz said, “Let’s see that! Let’s see it!”

Raising his right hand high in response, Bob displayed his braced and bandaged hand. Re his injury, Bob remarked, “Well, it’s, it’s like this. I mean, so I got dislocated fingers.”

Continuing his anecdote like a seasoned raconteur, Bob elaborated, “Some jerk outside starts talking about my politics: He can’t stand it, right….It happens to me all the time: But, this guy kept pushing me and pushing me and pushing me so I gave him a little tap back. And that was it. And, then I dislocated my fingers–which proves that you never want to fight, right.”

Concluding his tale with a smile, Bob declared, “And, I’m too old for this stuff, Howard! I mean…it’s no good!”

But, Bob, it does make a good story.

Eric Bolling: F&F Bully? “I’m Sorry!”

November 18, 2013

Subbing for infamous F&F “child abuser” Brian Kilmeade, Eric gives cute kid the hook–but he is sorry.* On Fox & Friends this morning, Five co-host Eric Bolling took filling in for Brian, perhaps, a bit too seriously. As F&F fans may remember, Brian made two-year-old basketball phenom Titus Ashby cry when he carelessly rebounded a basketball for the toddler and inadvertently hit him in the nose with it [vid-07/11/13)]: Today, Eric may not have made a baby boy cry but he certainly had little tolerance for one who did (i.e., one who was more than understandably agitated at having to appear on national television at the ungodly time of 4:33 a.m. PT). To wit, incredibly, he asked a sleepy-eyed, cranky California child’s mom to hand him off to someone else off camera as their interview began. Oops!

In a segment scheduled far too early for man or beast on the Pacific Coast, mommy blogger Jessica Shyba appeared with her son Beau in one arm and her puppy Theo in the other. As producers aired the now viral adorable boy/pup nap-time pics, Beau and Theo began to tussle with each other–like two playfully bellicose brothers–as Shyba struggled to keep a handle on them both. Sympathetically, co-host Steve Doocy remarked, “Jessica, if you want to put one of them down, go ahead.”

Gratefully, Shyba responded “okay” as she handed the puppy to one out of the camera’s eye. As she did, Eric exclaimed, “No! Leave that one! Put the other one down! I’m just kidding!” Perchance, sensing that he, in truth, had not been jesting, Shyba handed her baby boy Beau to the person off cam and took back the puppy. Apparently, realizing his faux pas, Eric chuckled, “Ah, I, I was just kidding. I’m sorry!”

Later, when the interview began to end, Steve kindly asked, “You want to bring Beau in one last time just  for a ‘so long,’ or is he out of the room?” Chuckling uncomfortably, Eric interjected, “Yes!” Smiling, Shyba answered, “He’s out of the room.”

Subsequently, after co-anchor Elisabeth Hasselbeck thanked Shyba, Theo, and Beau for joining the co-hosts, Steve looked over at Eric with arched eyebrows and a questioning look. Reddening, Eric protested, “I was kidding! I was teasing!” Chastening Eric, Steve riposted, “What’s the matter with you!” Concurring, Elisabeth aptly concluded, “You’re giving a mom a hard time early in the morning. That is messed up!”

*Author’s aside: Eric Bolling’s “brother” Bob Beckel gave that moniker to Brian–to his great discomfit–when he subbed on the Five shortly after Brian’s ill-thrown pass to Titus.

Five’s Beckel: Hey, Gum This, Andrea Tantaros!

August 28, 2013

Kimberly Guilfoyle: “Bob…do you know what you just said!” Today, The Five unfiltered co-host Bob Beckel took his hyper-sexual schtick to a whole new level–at the expense of his co-anchor Andrea Tantaros. When the Greek beauty tried to conclude her segment timely this afternoon (on the “Red Line in Syria”) and tease the next block, Bob babbled on: Seemingly irritated at his puerile solipsism, Andrea chided, “Bob, as my tenth grade biology teacher used to say, ‘Give the gums a rest!’”* Unrepentant, Bob bawdily riposted, “Hey, gum this!”

As a smiling Andrea tried to gamely soldier on in her segue, her aghast off-camera co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle exclaimed, “Terrible! Terrible!” Aptly, pricking the priapic Philistine further, she added, “Bob, I mean, do you know what you just said!”

The Five‘s bad boy? Nah, he probably had no clue. Yeah, right!

*The Five – 08/28/13 (@ 5:45 p.m. ET)

Oops! F&F’s All-American Summer “Scat” Series?

August 19, 2013

Unedited “Rough and Ready” (“a**hole”): Bob Beckel bumper music? Today, Fox & Friends seemingly turned their song selection over again to The Five‘s filter-intolerant co-host (the big bumptious one who seems to continuously soil FNC’s afternoon airwaves with scatalogical expletives). Last month (July 10)F&F producers carelessly closed a baseball segment to the tune of “Boys Round Here” as Blake Shelton sang “Backwoods legit, don’t take no sh*t.” Today, they one upped–or one downed–themselves: They teased an upcoming “Shot of the Day” segment to “Rough and Ready” as Trace Adkins raucously belted out, “Got a what are you looking at? A**hole smirk.”*

Strangely, no apologies were offered when F&F resumed after the commercial break. Oops: Another F&F Bob-ble!

[Author's aside: According to HuffPo, J$P caught Bob's third "'s' word in recent memory" last Wednesday: If the author heard him correctly, Bob said it for a fourth time last Friday after hurting his hand at the close of his The Five segment (08/16/13 - @ 5:52 p.m. ET).]

*F&F – 08/19/13 (@ 8:27 a.m. ET)

Five’s Beckel Unhinged: [Medgar] Evers “Turncoat”

June 19, 2013

Oops! Bob bizarrely loses his civil rights mantle cred. Today, the proud self-proclaimed son of a “liberal who went into the South and was arrested 57 times in the civil rights movement registering blacks” and who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., evidenced an appalling lack of knowledge when it came to a pivotal chapter in the nations history. During a segment on black Louisiana state senator Elbert Guillory who changed from the Democratic party to the GOP, Beckel tried to impugn him by trying to recall another black Louisiana “turncoat.” Unfortunately, for Bob, it backfired on him, his co-hosts, and The Five.

In the Five block moderated by co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle,* Bob tried to push-back when his more conservative co-hosts, Kimberly, Eric Bolling, and Greg Gutfeld appeared to defend Guillory’s decision. Looking down, Beckel declared, “Louisiana has had a long history–and I wish [that] I could remember the name of this guy whose brother was a very well known civil rights activist who was I think a Congressman. And, this guy converted to the Republican Party because he was paid to convert to the Republican Party to sift off the votes from the Democrats.”

After further discussion with his conservative co-hosts (including Dana Perino) of Guillory, Bob errantly announced, “I just remembered the name of the guy who was, his brother became a turncoat.”

Derisively, Kimberly enjoined, “['C]ause the control room gave it to you in your ear?”

Struggling mightily, Bob stammered, “Megan, Meg, Megan, Malcolm Evers’ brother, Charles Evers’ brother, Malcolm…got, got paid money to go on the Republican Party to sift off votes the Democrat.”

To make matters even worse, when Greg asked, “Were you bringing, why, to denigrate this man’s brave,” Bob declared, “I didn’t deny what this guy’s, what he was saying but Louisiana has a history of doing this. They have a history of doing it!”

Unfortunately, Bob’s bluster ruled the day on the Five. Perhaps, just as embarrassing or even more so, none of his co-anchors nor F&F‘s vaunted control room challenged his addled version of the civil rights struggle–in Mississippi!

Clearly, a muddled Bob was referring to the Mississippi civil rights martyr Medgar Evers and his activist older brother Charles Evers. It was Medgar who died at the hands of Byron Beckwith for the cause in June 11, 1963, and Charles who took his place as field secretary of the MS NAACP. Subsequently, Charles became the mayor of Fayette in 1963 (and the NAACP’s “Man of the Year”); a gubernatorial candidate; a U.S. Senate candidate: And, in 1989, Charles switched his allegiance to the GOP.

Today in Bob’s world, Louisiana and Mississippi looked alike: “Megan” Evers, “Malcolm” Evers, Charles Evers, Medgar Evers were all one and the same, too. Not quite the civil rights account of which Bob’s Dad would be rightly proud. Nor should Bob, his co-hosts, or The Five suits.

*The Five – 06/19/13 (@ 5:38 p.m. ET)

Beckel Bawdy: Malkin Unamused

January 9, 2013

“Maligned” Tantaros: Don’t worry. I can handle carrots.” Five co-anchor Andrea Tantaros was almost unfazed by her co-anchor Bob Beckel who aimed his latest ribald remark squarely at her. In the penultimate segment of the Five yesterday about organic food, Andrea wielded an organic carrot and pointed it at Bob: never one to miss a moment to utter a double entendre, Bob cracked that she looked like she “could handle a hairy carrot.”* As a grinning Andrea rolled her eyes with her mouth agape in incredulity, the usually prim and proper co-anchor Dana Perino smiled and turned to co-host Eric Bolling, pleading, “Help him, Eric! Help him!”

Chuckling, Eric skillfully channeled the discussion back to the merits of organic veggies. As the segment began to conclude, Andrea, with her arms crossed in somewhat mock indignation, haltingly asked, “Are, you going to apologize?” Less than convincingly, Bob replied, “Yes, I apologize!” Grabbing a carrot from the plate, Bob protested, “But, that’s because you were waving it at my head!” As Andrea shook her head at yet another of his double entendres, Bob laughed, “My head? Whatever! I’m sorry!”

Clueless or wickedly clever, Dana interposed, “You remember the boneless chicken ranch?…The Far Side cartoon, Gary Larson did a thing about the boneless chicken ranch and the chickens were all like this [her head limp] over the fence.” Looking at Dana with a goatish gleam, an unrepentant Bob declared, “I’ve been to the Chicken Ranch [brothel (NSW)] in…Las Vegas. That sort of reminds me of a night of drinking.”

With her arms still crossed, Andrea acerbically announced, “That’s [a la boneless chicken necks] how you are going to be after this show!” Raising his voice, Bob riposted, “Alright, will you take it easy? You’re the one who talked about my–never mind!” Giggling, Andrea shook her anew at her bumbling, bumptious Bob.

Soon after the show, indignant Twitchy.com founder Michelle Malkin Tweeted, “NOT breaking: Bob Beckel said something sexually degrading and misogynist. And will get away with it. Again.” [Cf. Twitchy.com's "Gross: Serial misogynist Bob Beckel directs vulgar remark at Andrea Tantaros." Seemingly, in response, Andrea Pooh-poohed the matter [comparing it to Brent Musburger's BCS Miss Alabama mutterings], jesting, “Don’t worry. I can handle carrots, in fact so well that I hit Bob with them off screen. He’s applying for a job at ESPN as we speak.”

Apparently, Bob will be Bob. And, Andrea appears okay with that. Michelle? Not so much.

*The Five – 01/08/12 (@ 5:52 a.m. ET)

Bob Beckel: “Did the Beeper Work?”

November 14, 2012

[That's] what I’m really worried about.” B***s***? The Five fell strangely silent today during a “live” segment for approximately eleven seconds–with no explanation.* Displacing its polemic panel, an ominous “The Five” star graphic atop a blue background appeared suddenly onscreen. The ghost of Mrs. Grundy?

During this segment, his segment, co-host Eric Bolling posited that “President Obama a/k/a Mr. Transparent [was] rope-a-dope[ing] the press when asked about the Petraeus affair.” When guest co-anchor K.T. McFarland and co-host Bob Beckel began to debate whether President Obama was availing himself of “plausible deniability,” Eric acerbically interjected, “What you really don’t want is the President of the United States to lie, in fact.” Without warning nor explanation, the audio was muted and the screen went blue (with “The Five” star).

After about twelve seconds had elapsed, The Five co-hosts reappeared seemingly tacitly attesting to the rude interruption: Kimberly Guilfoyle laughed as she hid her face in her left hand; Greg Gutfeld chuckled to himself and looked over at Bob in amusement; K.T.  tried to keep her composure as she looked straight ahead and blinked her eyes rapidly; Bob looked into the distance with his mouth agape; and Eric appeared to try to read the teleprompter with feigned gravity.

After praising the military who stood apart from their perchance rogue rakish leaders, Eric seemed to question the credibility of the sexy socialite Jill Kelly who allegedly ignited the inquery and laughing asked roue Bob if he had ever known such an “honorary consul general.” Looking over at Eric, Bob jested, “What I’m really concerned about is did the beeper work?”

Apparently, loathe to acknowledge that The Five might not be exactly live anymore, Eric monotoned, “Did the beeper work?” Slightly smiling, Bob anwered, “Yeah.” Softly, Kimberly unconvincingly interposed, “No.”

Then, as if a producer had whispered in her ear to change the topic posthaste, Kimberly animatedly stammered, “Listen! The beep, this is a woman that I thing we’re going to learn a lot more about.” Tellingly, Greg glanced at the panel bemusedly, chuckled to himself, and beamed back at someone offset.

In the following segment, Greg appeared to translucently reveal the secret of the censored segment. Re President Obama’s view of whether climate change caused Hurricane Sandy, Greg defiantly declared, “He even admits finally  that that’s baloney–or b.s.!”** As Greg began to address Bob, a chuckling Eric looked up from his papers, exclaiming, “Don’t say it!”

Don’t say it indeed, Bob. At least, on air!

*The Five – 11/14/12 (@ 5:19 a.m. ET).

**Ibid at @ 5:29 a.m. ET.

“Free…P*ssy”: Beckel Apologizes to GOP Chair

August 10, 2012

Bob: “By the way.” Today, The Five co-host Bob Beckel returned to FNC’s hit show after serving an apparent one-day suspension for calling GOP National Chairmain Reince Preibus a “free…p*ssy” Monday. In an “ad lib” during an “Obama vs. Romney” discussion segment, Bob revealed, “By the way, I talked to the chairman of the Republican National Committee  to tell him I was sorry for what I said.”*

“Bob’s Swear Jar”: a Romney contribution? He may be sorry. But, probably, not that sorry.

*Fox & Friends – 08/10/12 (video – 8:49/10:17)

“Free P*ssy” Penalty: Bob Beckel Apologizes

August 8, 2012

“I’m very sorry….I’m gonna be quiet now.” Today, The Five co-host Bob Beckel apologized for his “foul” mouth and announced that he would be having the day off tomorrow because of it. As Carpe Diem reported Monday, an apoplectic Bob incoherently stammered “free, pre p*ssy” when he was defending President Obama’s purported disdain for his GOP opponent Mitt Romney. (A day later, after reviewing Johnny Dollar’s video of the incident, HuffPo aptly opined that Bob was “referring to…Reince Preibus,” the GOP National Chairman.)

This afternoon, during the final Five segment, a chastened Bob declared, “My ‘one more thing’ is to say, ‘I’m off tomorrow and that’s going to make me happy and…a lot of conservatives out there happy. I need a break because lately on this show…my mouth has been moving a little bit too much and sometimes dumb things–which is surprising for a MENSA guy–comes [sic] out of it.”

As his co-host Eric Bolling laughed off camera, Bob continued, “Last night when I was checking Twitter, I saw that some people out there were offended by something I said.”

Then, raising his palms in a mea culpa, Bob declared, “Now, I’m not going to say it again but I want to say to those who were offended, ‘I’m very sorry.’ That’s the last you’re going to hear that. I’m going to be quiet now.” Announcing anew Fox News’ apparent one-day sanction, Bob added, “I’ll see you on Friday.”

Apoplectic Bob Beckel: “Free…P*ssy”

August 6, 2012

Eric Bolling: “Let’s move on.” Let’s not: If it were free, The Five co-host Bob Beckel might make for a much less colorful “Smoking Gun” Democratic rogue. But, fear not! The bad boy of FNC can not or will not keeps his wild ways under control.

Less than four months ago, Bob went off with an “f” bomb inadvertently on Hannity. In what he deemed an off-air moment, he lambasted a conservative panelist, saying, “You don’t know what the f**k you’re talking about.” When host Sean Hannity apprised him that they were live, Bob appeared to be in a state of disbelief. Finally, coming to his senses, Bob groused that he was going to be fired after the show.

Bob was not. But, today, he pushed the envelope even further. In a segment including President Barack Obama’s purported disdain for his GOP opponent Mitt Romney (“no g**damned war hero”) as noted by Politico‘s Mike Allen, co-host Eric caustically queried, “Bob, should President Obama be taking shots at Mitt Romney’s military service when…the guy never picked up a gun, pulled the trigger of…blew anyone away? Oh, wait a minute, that’s right, he shot bin Laden, right!”*

After initially calling into question Allen’s assertion, Bob remarked, “Does he [President Obama] not like Mitt Romney?…When he started out, he said [that] he was neutral about Mitt Romney. And, frankly, so was I. I thought he was a nice guy.”

Elaborating, Bob remarked, “I’ve come to believe [that] he is a terrible, uh, a terrible–I won’t say liar because I won’t, because I don’t want to diminish myself down where Republicans [are].

Unfortunately, continuing, a suddenly incoherent Bob stammered, “Or, free, pre p*ssy, for proof of pre pro puss. Excuse me! Pre puss.”

Throwing him a lifeline, Eric mercifully interjected, “Let’s move on.” Bemused, co-anchor Andrea Tantaros beamed broadly and shook her head at Bob latest blooper. Meanwhile, co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle laughed heartily as she hid her face in her hands.

Babbling Bob: a sight to behold–for better or for worse.

*The Five – 08/06/12 (@ 5:07 p.m. ET)

Update: Vid (courtesy of J$P).

Dana Perino: “Little Hooters”

July 27, 2012

“I would never get a job at [Hooters].” The Five co-host Dana Perino showed her saltier side early this week: on Tuesday, President Bush’s rather prim and proper Press Secretary discussed her less than bountiful bosom with uncharacteristic aplomb.* Bawdily, she posited that she could not get a job at Hooters but that she could–at Little Hooters.

During a Five segment Tuesday (transcript), the co-anchors Dana, Greg Gutfeld, Bob Beckel, Andrea Tantaros, and Eric Bolling conversed about a coffee chain being investigated for hiring mainly nubile beauties. As they spoke of various businesses doing likewise, Greg teased Dana, asking, “Dana, unlike me, you’re not gorgeous: Do you feel like you’ve lost out on many TV jobs because of this?”

Self-deprecatingly, Dana riposted, “Let’s give another example–Hooters: I would never get a job there. And there’s a reason.”

Feigning ignorance, Greg impishly replied, “I can’t even ask why.”

Seemingly, somewhat piqued at Greg’s impertinence, Dana responded, “We all know why. Okay? And, I wouldn’t apply either.”

When it was co-host Bob Beckel’s turn to weigh in on the “hotness” hiring controversy, of course, the old goat had to rib Dana all the more: he racily insisted, “Dana, you could have gotten [sic] hired at Hooters if you wanted to.”

Jauntily, Dana rejoined, “Little Hooters.”**

Dana, “Little Hooters”? Maybe. But, you are proving yourself to be one big hoot.

[Author's aside: When the segment began to conclude, co-anchor Eric Bolling aptly added, "The only thing that's worthy to get pick[ed] up on by media is ‘I could work at Little Hooters.’”]

*Red Eye – 07/24/12 (approximately 3:35 a.m. ET)

**N.B. LexisNexis News improperly attributes the “Little Hooters” remark to Andrea. However, its transcript evinces the error as it subsequently details Greg’s reply, “That sounds like a restaurant for kids” and Dana’s facetious response, “That’s what I meant.” Furthermore, the Five footage will reflect that fact.

Fox & Friends First: “The Four” Now?

July 14, 2012

Patti Ann Brown, Ainsley Earhardt, Heather Childers, and Heather Nauert. Possibly, following in the footsteps of The Five, Fox & Friends First may be whittling down its number of initial hosts. As readers may recall, FNC announced the debut of The Five and listed ten rotating co-anchors including the current seven and Monica Crowley, Geraldo Rivera, and Judge Andrew Napolitano: When the Five celebrated its first anniversary last Monday on Fox & Friends, F&F co-anchor Gretchen Carlson noted that its roster had been pared down to seven (the “Magnificent Seven”), i.e., Greg Gutfeld, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Bob Beckel, Andrea Tantaros, Dana Perino, Juan Williams, and Eric Bolling.

In a similar fashion, Fox & Friends First started its new run in March with a slate of co-hosts that included not only the four that seem to be now predominating F&FF airplay qua anchors, i.e., Patti Ann Brown, Ainsley Earhardt, Heather Childers, and Heather Nauert but also Dave Briggs, Juliet Huddy, Julie Banderas, Anna Kooiman, Clayton Morris, Arthel Neville, and Jamie Colby. Even though the author has heard no new F&FF announcement, it’s website may provide a hint: only Patti Ann, Ainsley, and the two Heathers have their FNC bios listed on the official F&FF website.

F&FF Acknowledges Williams/Malkin Dustup BUT

June 14, 2012

Fox & Friends ignores it altogether. Last night, conservative FNC contributor Michele Malkin and liberal Five co-anchor Juan Williams got into a fiery debate last night on Hannity: this morning, Fox News’ earliest morning news show Fox & Friends First showcased the two going after each other (albeit a bit bowdlerized to exclude the more acidic comments) whereas the regular Fox & Friends did not mention the dust-up even though both Williams and Malkin both appeared on the show in different segments. Perhaps, FNC did not want to throw too much gas on those smoldering embers.

Apparently, according to Mediaite, the verbal fisticuffs began when Malkin mocked Williams and other liberals for blaming former POTUS Bush 43 for President Obama’s shortcomings during a debate segment about Attorney General Eric Holder. During their polemics, Malkin taunted Williams, saying, “All you can do, Juan, is say Plame, Plame, Plame, and blame, blame, blame, Bush, Bush, Bush.” Caustically, Williams exclaimed, “Listen, I tell you what. I tell you what, Michele. I’m a real reporter. I’m not a blogger out in the blogosphere somewhere.”

Then, as Williams began to make his case that the White House had not leaked any classified information, an irate Malkin interrupted, “Right…I’m not a real reporter and you are!” Subsequently, after Williams and eponymous host Sean Hannity had argued about the matter further, Hannity gave Malkin the “last word.” Still fuming, Malkin acerbically remarked, “The American people are sick of the kind of snotty condescension from liberal elite journalists like Juan Williams who tell us that the rest of us are not doing our jobs, when the point is that…when Eric Holder was shamefully…nominated and approved to be Attorney General, he already had a long record of bastardizing national security and the rule of law.”

Unamused, Williams responded that she was way off topic; that she and Hannity were just beating up Holder and that the matter did not even include classified documents. In a parting shot, a still fuming Malkin sniped, “So, real journalists are apologists for corruptocracy? We got it!” Derisively, Williams exclaimed, “Oh, my gosh!” as he put both his hands to his head and rolled his eyes.

It was must see TV: Or, it should have been. However, unfortunately, Fox & Friends producers decided not to share the testy exchange between FNC colleagues Williams and Malkin. Happily, for F&F fans who may have missed it, Mediaite columnist Frances Martel did so in an article and via a concomitant video (link).

Update:  Williams’ co-host Five co-anchor Bob Beckel blasted Malkin with almost ominous rhetoric in his appearance on Imus today. Opining on the purported White House leaks, an enraged Beckel declared, “The idea that Barack Obama would leak that stuff is absolutely obscene. And, anybody who’d suggest that like that Michelle Malkin who…if I were Juan…I’d wake up next to her with a shotgun. She’s a, what a waste of time!” [@2:17 in J$P video] H/t, Johnny!

Five’s Dana Perino: Greg Gutfield “A**hole”

June 12, 2012

She did a bad, bad thing. The Five‘s co-anchor Dana Perino is not necessarily quite as prim and proper as she may appear on air: Apparently, the former Bush 43 White House Press Secretary learned a certain coarse epithet from her former boss. As politicos may remember, then candidate George W. Bush infamously called a New York Times reporter an “a**hole” in an overheard whisper to his running mate, Dick Cheney: Today, Dana picked up the torch on The Five as she flung the scatological appellation at her co-host Greg Gutfeld with no regrets.

During a segment titled “America’s Shrinking Wealth,” Greg illustrated the sharp decline in American family net worth over the last six years with a photo of a very diminutive Dana juxtaposed to a towering Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. As her co-hosts laughed at the strange sight, a smiling Dana self-deprecatingly said, “I have to say ‘Somebody put me in a dryer when I was little.’” Adding his usual color commentary, co-anchor Bob Beckel remarked, “You [Greg] don’t have the courage to say this, in the break, Dana said–who I’ve known for years, never says a swear word–called you an a-hole.”

Animatedly unapologetic, Dana exclaimed, “And, America agreed!” Interjecting, co-host Andrea Tantaros jested, “And, if you were in Massachusetts, we would fine you $20.” Without a hint of remorse, Dana riposted, “Gladly!”

Blame Bush, Greg.

The Five – 06/12/12 (@ 5:17 p.m. ET)

Kimberly’s “21st Birthday”: Andrea’s 22 Shots!

March 10, 2012

Eric Bolling: “Bubblicious!” The Five co-anchor and former Victoria’s Secret model Kimberly Guilfoyle tried to play the naif Friday as she celebrated her “21st” birthday. But, co-hosts Andrea Tantaros and, yes, Dana Perino proudly let their audience know that they were “not that innocent.” As to the guys, not too surprisingly, Bob Beckel joined in as the bad boy and Eric was the good one.

When The Five returned for their penultimate segment yesterday to a strawberry shortcake birthday cake (Kimberly’s fave) and the Beatle’s “Birthday” tune, Kimberly sexily shimmied in her short red dress seated next to an appreciative Bob, who awkwardly danced along with her. Soon after the music ended, Bob announced Kimberly’s “21st birthday,” kidded her about the “special friend [that she had] brought with [her],” and asked her for her fondest memory of her “first” one. Pulling her hair back sensually, a chagrined Kimberly cooed, “So, listen. I only recently became a lot of fun, Bob: I know you may find this hard to believe.”

Randily, Bob replied, “No, baby, that’s not what I hear.”

Giggling, Kimberly responded, “That’s terrible.” Then, she continued, “But, on my twenty-first birthday, I was at UC, Davis–very nerdy, academic school….I ended up being the designated driver on my twenty-first birthday, and no one objected!…So, there I was with my glasses…so thick [that] I could see into the future. And, I was driving everybody and everyone [else] had a great time.”

Laughing, Bob riposted, “I was the designated drunk on my birthday. That’s why I can’t remember one of them.”

Subsequently, after having Kimberly blow out birthday candles, Bob asked Eric if he remembered what he did on his twenty-first birthday. Soberly, Eric responded, “I, I was knee deep in a baseball season…March of…’84 playing baseball on my way to…making a career out of baseball for a while: So, I probably didn’t celebrate as much as I could have.”

Dismissively, Bob jibed, “Really? Well, that was an interesting story. Okay, Dana?” Furrowing her eyebrows, a chuckling Dana answered, “Mine is not that great. I, it wasn’t like Kimberly where I was the designated driver. But, I just remember [that] I came home from college and there were a bunch of my friends home in Parker, Colorado, and we got together at my parents’ house.” With, a seemingly feigned nonchalance, she added, “And, I think, I guess we probably went to a bar. I don’t really, I don’t remember. It wasn’t that memorable.”

When Bob asked Andrea for her anecdote, she rhetorically queried, “So, I’m, apparently, the only one who had a great twenty-first birthday?” Smiling slightly, She remarked, “I don’t remember all that much. Isn’t that the point of a twenty-first birthday?” Elaborating, she said, “I went to a place called the Crocodile Rocks–classy, classy. My sister, who always wants to go out with me–my birthday is December 30th–so no one ever wants to go out on the 30th ’cause they don’t won’t to ruin themselves for New Year. Not my sister, though. She says, ‘We’re going to Crocodile Rocks [and] we’re inviting all your friends.” And, I did twenty-two shots.”

Amazed, Kimberly exclaimed, “No, you didn’t!” Shamelessly, Andrea answered, “I puked at sixteen but I did make it to twenty-two. As incredulous Kimberly rejoined, “How did you live through that? Are you serious?, Dana interjected, “But, why twenty-two?”  Chuckling, Andrea explained, “One for good luck. And, look where it brought me!”

Not to be outdone by Andrea, a rambling Bob replied, “I got to tell you. The only reason I remember that far back on my twenty-first birthday [is that] I was in the hospital the night of my twenty-first birthday because I got drunk and I was walking out of a bar and I fell over a bunch of garbage cans that had glass in them and I cut myself a little bit. That wasn’t so bad except that I rolled in it for fun and then I went to the hospital. But, I was okay….But, I don’t remember much of it.”

Subsequently, wrapping up Kimberly’s birthday segment, Bob asked his co-hosts for one word to describe the birthday babe. Eric exclaimed, “Bubblicious!” Dana chimed, “Sweet,” and Andrea answered, “Fun.” Perhaps, just a little jealous of Kimberly “special friend” off cam, a seemingly smitten Bob stammered, “Unbelievable, Baby! Yeah, no, really, you’re great. You’re wonderful….We love you and, and I know other people do, too, here in the building.” Knowingly, Kimberly chuckled, “A couple!”

Five fun: 21, 22, and Kimberly’s “couple.”

Guilfoyle: My Catholic School Girl Outfit

October 25, 2011

Perino: No, not doing it. No! Rowr! Yesterday The Five‘s co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle scared her more Victorian co-anchor Dana Perino with her sexy selections of Halloween costumes. But, not surprisingly, she sent a thrill up the legs of her rakish male co-anchors, Greg Gutfeld, Bob Beckel, and Eric Bolling.

In the final The Five block, the co-hosts discussed two New Jersey schools that had banned students from wearing Halloween garb on the holiday. After Kimberly and Dana dissed the odd decisions, Greg goatishly interjected, “By the way, Kimberly, what…did you normally wear? Smiling seductively and pumping her hands as if they held pom poms, she answered, “I was a Notre Dame cheerleader. I still have the outfit and the pom poms!”

Seduced by their favorite former Victoria’s Secret model, Kimberly’s male co-anchors were enraptured. Priapically, Beckel queried, “Did you have a short skirt?” Grinning randily, Greg demanded, “You got to wear it on Halloween. You have to wear it this Friday.” Equally enamored, co-host Eric Bolling interjected, “This is a very important discussion topic we’ve been having. Are we going to wear Halloween costumes on Monday Halloween? Yes or no?”

Clearly enjoying the heightened testosterone that she had engendered, a beaming Kimberly chuckled. Meanwhile, perhaps, overly exercised, Beckel began to cough repeatedly. Turning to him with a smile, Kimberly teased, “Bob needs mouth-to-mouth again. Are you okay?”

Later, as the segment ended, Eric declared, “Email us at The Five. Tell us what you’d like each one of us, what costume each one of us…should wear.” Prudishly, Dana interjected, “No, not doing it! No!” As both Beckel and Greg enthusiastically agreed with Eric and the camera began to pan away, Kimberly provocatively concluded, “I could wear my Catholic school girl one!”

The Five‘s Halloween: as Glenn Frey once said, “the heat is on.”

Kimberly’s Sexy Secret?

October 14, 2011

Guilfoyle: Bob, do you want some mouth-to-mouth? The Five co-host and sexy former Victoria’s Secret lingerie model Kimberly Guilfoyle used her womanly wiles on co-anchor Bob Beckel to keep her own secret. And, he did not seem to mind in the very least.

In The Five‘s penultimate block about the BlackBerry outage, Bob complained that his co-hosts used their cell phones incessantly during the break. He groused, “Yes, I may talk to my bookie but you guys talk to thousands of different people.” Turning to Bob, Kimberly sniped, “Listen, Miss Britney Spears over here, not so innocent, because you know what else is coming in on that phone.”

Shaking his head with a goatish grin, Bob retorted, “Don’t get into that.” As she guffawed with gusto, Bob riposted, “If you do, if you do…you want to start opening that, that, that can? You want that can opened up, doe?” As Kimberly grabbed his arm and put her other hand over his mouth, she cooed, “Bob, you want some mouth-to-mouth?”

Pulling her hand away, a rakish Bob continued, “I don’t think you do! I don’t think you do.” Rolling her forefingers, Kimberly implored, “Go to break!” Beaming impishly, Bob replied, “You want to go to a break? I see. I bet you do after that. Oh, that was a mistake!” In response, an embarrassed Kimberly animatedly signaled Greg to proceed to commercial break.

As Greg began to read the tease, he stopped mid-sentence: Glancing back at Kimberly puckishly, he laughed, “See, that was your mistake!” Subsequently, after he had completed his tease and the camera began to pan away from them, Kimberly arched her eyebrows at Greg and shook her finger at him, mouthing, “You didn’t help me!”

No, Kimberly, Greg didn’t. Nor did he reveal your sexy secret. But, hopefully, he will!

*The Five – 10/13/11 (@ 5:53 p.m. ET)

Related Carpe Diem story: “Ann Coulter: We Look Fantastic Naked!

The Five’s Beckel: Bolling Saved My Life

October 14, 2011

“You’re a reluctant hero, my friend.” A grateful The Five co-host Bob Beckel revealed yesterday that his conservative co-anchor “nemesis” Eric Bolling saved his life shortly before the show. After Bolling opened the program with a query about the latest GOP jobs bill, he turned to co-anchor Greg Gutfeld for his opinion. Grinning as if on cue, Gutfeld replied, “I can’t discuss this story until we acknowledge what happened this afternoon”: then, pointing to Beckel for the obligatory explanation, he said, “Bob.”

Looking down at the table soberly, Beckel replied, “I guess you can’t make these things up….I have a couple of people to thank. We were having a celebratory lunch for The Five, the kickoff of The Five, and I choked. Literally choked, I mean I couldn’t breathe at all.”

Continuing somberly, Beckel remarked, “And, the boss of bosses here at Fox, Roger Ailes, stood up and gave me the Heimlich [maneuver]….He couldn’t get his arms all the way around me but he loosened it up enough.” Putting his hand on Bolling’s shoulder, an appreciative Beckel stammered, “And, then my brother here saved my, my, my existence because he got it out.”

Then, as he added, “And, it’s been a long and rough day…but I want to thank everybody for what he did,” co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle tenderly carressed his arm. Subsequently, Beckel dutifully cautioned viewers not to eat too fast, particularly big shrimp as he had. Interjecting, Gutfeld exclaimed, “You scared the hell out of us!” Feeling “the love,” Beckel replied, “I know I did, and I apologize for that. But, anyway, let’s get moving on.”

However, before they did, Bolling got the crew to declare the day “Bob Day” and maternal co-anchor Dana Perino reminded Beckel that it is not so smart to cry “wolf.” Pointing her pencil at him and arching her eyes, she gently chided, “Remember…it was just a week ago when you and I were in Atlanta together where you faked a heart attack and I thought it was real. So, today I was like, ‘Uh, okay, what is he doing now? Okay.’ And, then I kept talking to the neighbor on my left, and then I realized it was real.” Adding a little levity, Perino declared that had Bolling not been there, she would have had “to drop the atomic elbow” on him.

Chuckling Bowling interposed, “Can we get back to jobs now?”” Looking over at Bowling thankfully, Beckel declared, “You’re a reluctant hero, my friend. You a reluctant hero.” Seemingly somewhat embarrassed, Bowling replied, “God bless. Thank God it all worked out great.”

Indeed. Glad you’re still with us, Bob! And, kudos, Eric, for saving the day–and Bob’s life!

Author’s aside: For The Five footage, cf. J$P Video.

Martha’s Slip Shows: Roger’s High “Five”

October 3, 2011

MacCallum right: The Five, Shine’s summer show permanent. Today, Fox News Chairman and CEO Roger Ailes confirmed what America’s Newsroom co-anchor Martha MacCallum let slip six days ago as reported by Carpe Diem: I.e., Fox News viewers will “be watching [co-hosts Andrea Tantaros and Bob Beckel] over the course of a year on The Five.” According to Fox News Insider, Ailes announced that “The Five has been picked up as a scheduled program for [FNC's] 5 PM/ET time slot.

Once again, thanks for the tip, Martha, and, congrats, Five’rs!

H/t, J$P for the Tweet.

“The Five”: Shine’s Summer Show Permanent?

September 27, 2011

“We’ll be watching you over the course of a year on The Five.” Oops! Did America’s Newsroom co-anchor Martha MacCallum let the proverbial cat out of the bag? Yesterday, after presiding over a 2012 Presidential election segment with The Five co-hosts, Andrea Tantaros and Bob Beckel, Martha concluded, “We have a long way to go here, over a year….A lot can happen over the course of a year, Bob and Andrea.” Then, seemingly with a slip of her tongue, she added, “And, we’ll be watching you over the course of a year on The Five.” As a beaming Andrea nodded her head, a slightly smiling Bob, replied, “Thank you.”

The Five: Less than three months ago (in a June 30 FNC press release), Senior VP of Programming Bill Shine announced the premier of his new summer show, which was supposed to replace the departing Glenn Beck‘s eponymous show for a few months. Before the debut of The Five, Shine’s concept of this “revolving FOX personalities” panel was panned by media watchers such as Inside Cable News (including, in full disclosure, the author). However, The Five has surprised the critics: in fact, it has garnered comparable ratings to the Glenn Beck Show according to the Washington Examiner. Perhaps, Shine has taken note and has decided that he does not need an FNC daytime “shakeup” after all.

If so, thanks for the tip, Martha, and, congrats, Five’rs!

[Author's aside: In addition to Andrea and Bob, The Five co-hosts include Greg Gutfeld, Dana Perino, Eric Bolling, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Monica Crowley, Judge Andrew Napolitano, and, purportedly, Geraldo Rivera.]

America’s Newsroom – 09/26/11 (@ 9:37 a.m. ET)

Update: More evidence of The Five‘s apparent new status: After Carpe Diem‘s report, The Five co-host Andrea Tantaros announced her show’s new Twitter address and her co-host Bob Beckel’s one as well. N.B. Unfortunately, Andrea gave the wrong address to her program: it links to @TheFive held by a “giuseppe” with protected Tweets.


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