Archive for the ‘pop tarts’ Category

Dana’s “Foolish Mistake”: Stealing $20 from Mom

May 19, 2013

“I did that once, Mom. Sorry!” The Five co-host Dana Perino admitted Friday that she once had sticky fingers for her mother’s moolah. During a segment on the I.R.S.’s “targeting” of conservative groups during the 2012 campaign period, Dana derided the I.R.S.’s Commissioner’s dismissal of the excessive scrutiny as “foolish mistakes”: Arching her eyebrows, Dana declared, “A foolish mistake is when you take twenty dollars from your Mom’s purse when you really shouldn’t have. That was a foolish mistake.”*

Immediately, co-anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle interjected, “I never did that!”

Pointing to Dana with his right thumb accusingly, co-host Greg Gutfeld responded, “She did.”

Squinting her eyes at Greg with more than a hint of agitation, Dana confessed, “I did that once, Mom. Sorry!”

The Five‘s naif Dana Perino: I’m not that innocent!

*The Five – 05/1 – 05/18/13 (@ 5:12 p.m. ET)

Fox & Friends: TNA or “T&A”? [Updated]

May 24, 2012

Brian spanked by Brook beauty.  Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade got his appreciative rump repeatedly slapped this morning as he welcomed former “Hogan Knows Best” reality star and sexy chanteuse Brook Hogan to the program. Promoting TNA’s new Thursday time slot on SpikeTV, Hulk Hogan‘s daughter, the new executive at TNA (Total Nonstop Action) Wrestling executive brought her wrestling lovelies Velvet Sky and ODB for her segment with Brian and his F&F co-anchor Steve Doocy: And, the Brown-Haired-Guy-Who-Isn’t-Steve-Doocy was not disappointed as he took on the scantily clad ladies in a mock match.

When Steve began the “In the Ring with Brooke Hogan” interview (in the middle of the wrestling ring on the sidewalk outside the studio), he asked Brooke about her “new” show. Before she could answer, Brian jauntily interjected, “It’s TNA!” With a suggestive smile, Steve asked, “What does that stand for?”

Knowingly, Brooke answered, “TNA: Total Nonstop Action Wrestling: wagging her finger at Steve, she laughed, “Don’t let your mind go there–even though they’re very beautiful!” When a joshing Steve asked if she were talking about “these employees over here of yours,” Brooke chuckled and Brian interposed, “We’re talking about Velvet Sky and ODB!”

Subsequently, as a busty ODB began to play with Brian’s tie, Brooke joked, “Uh, oh! Uh, oh! I think you got a girlfriend there.” Smiling, Brian riposted, “Well, I’m seeing somebody right now but you never know if it’s gonna really last.” Getting in on the action, leggy, abs-bearing beauty Velvet Sky grabbed his right hand, querying, “Hey, there’s no ring though, right?”: then, espying it on his left hand, she looked at the camera as if at Brian’s beloved [Dawn], declaring, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

When the interview ended, Steve and Brooke went to the ropes as Brian took off his coat to fight his pretty opponents. When the “fight” ensued, Velvet Sky began the contact with a touch to Brian’s arm and then a tap to his posterior. Then, she and ODB took Brian through a demonstration of their moves with a toss into the turn buckle, a choke hold, a shot to the solar plexus, and then a clothes-line hit. Consequently, Brian good-naturedly hit the damp mat on his duff.

Beaming, Brian returned to the fray. Giving him no quarter, Velvet Sky got Brian into a full Nelson and OBD gave him a fake knee to the groin. As Brian feigned a protest to Brooke, Velvet Sky playfully patted him on his tush thrice, saying, “Nice wet pets you got there!” Grinning, Brian agreed, “I know. I do have wet pants.” As Steve stepped in and asked if he were okay, a bemused Brian animatedly answered, “What? I’m, I’m watching Thursday night, I tell you, because I want to see, especially, if you ladies wrestle.”

However, Brian was not done with the lovely Velvet Sky. When she (and OBD) subsequently wrestled one of the Fleet Week seaman volunteers and had him “at her mercy” in an arm twist, Brian decided to intervene. Returning to the inner ring, a beaming Brian dropped to his knees and tackled the short-skirted lovely. Sky vainly struggled to regain her footing: But, Brian’s amorous embrace was sure.

F&F today: T&A. Oops! TNA.

[Author's aside: Apparently, Velvet Sky was unimpressed with's Brian's ardor: after their "rassling" romp, she teased, "Really Brian Kilmeade?? With a take down like the one you gave me this morning you should have your man card revoked!"]

Related Fox & Friends fanny friskiness [update re lore]: “Kiran Chetry Spanks Kelly Wright!” (video) – 10/22/06 “Grope an Anchor Day” (Clayton Morris‘ cheeks clutched by chap) – 04/04/09; “Brian’s Love Tap” (Alisyn Camerota‘s tush slapped by Brian Kilmeade) – 11/11/10; and “Kara Gropes Kilmeade” (Brian’s bum squeezed by model Patricia Kara) – 11/08/11.

Gretchen: “Not Me. Not the Young Part!”

November 30, 2010

Glamorous and super rich: Two out of three ain’t bad. This morning Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson appeared to proudly proclaim that she was not ready to cede her 1989 Miss America crown to those “komely” Kardashian kids. At least, not yet.

During a preview of an upcoming segment with the sexy sisters, Kim, Kloe, and Kourtney, co-anchor Brian Kilmeade waggishly intoned, “They’re young, they’re glamorous, and they’re super rich! Am I talking about Gretchen Carlson? No. I’m talking about the Kardashian sisters.”

Rather regally, Ms. Casey Close chuckled, “Not me, not the young part!” Something better left unsaid. Perhaps, Gretchen has forgotten E.D. Hill, her F&F predecessor.

*Fox & Friends – 11/30/10 (@7:19 a.m. ET)

Rick Racked? Jessica’s “Dancing Muffins”

November 25, 2010

Dave Briggs’ Tweet: “Anybody else think @JessicaSimpson made @rickreichmuth nervous on ‘FOX & Friends?'” Yes, F&F Weekend meterologist Rick Reichmuth did seem rather rattled by Jessica Simpson today–at least, at one particular point, as he interviewed the busty pop princess prior to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When discussing Jessica’s new Christmas record, Happy Christmas, Rick asked, “Are you going to be singing something from your album on a float today?”* Jessica answered, “I am. I’m singing the single. It’s called”My Only Wish.” Smiling, she added, “And, I have dancing muffins.”

Raising his eyebrows and grinning sheepishly, apparently, at her potentially salacious euphemism, i.e., muffins, Rick randily remarked, “Um. Tell me more!” Chuckling, Jessica replied, “I’m on the baked goods Morton Salt float.” In response, a seemingly somewhat disappointed Rick muttered, “Okay.” Explaining, Jessica continued,  “So, I’m going to have lots of, like, pies and muffins dancing around me.”

No double entendres there either, Rick.

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 11/25/10 (@8:39 a.m. ET)

Megyn: No Body Shots

October 11, 2010

Kelly: “There’s nothing wrong with sex appeal and there’s nothing wrong with sex.” Today America Live co-host Megyn Kelly adamantly defended coming-of-age Miley Cyrus’ sexy new video, “Who Owns My Heart.” In a segment with Parents Television Council president Tim Winter, who took issue with the young music star for her video’s risque content, Megyn observed, “Miley Cyrus, yes, she’s seventeen years old but she is, she looks like, she acts like a woman now….Isn’t she entitled to be a little sexy?”* Elaborating somewhat lubriciously, Megyn continued, “I know, I know she’s racy in this in black underwear, black and lace eye mask, scantily dressed, and there’s gyrating and there’s caressing herself.” Then, she queried, “But…how long does she owe this obligation to these young girls to sort of maintain a G-rated image?”

As Winter began to respond that most parents did not want Miley to follow the steps of Britney Spears from wholesome Disney star to wayward idol, Megyn asked, “What do you think this is going to do to the little girls who have loved her as little Hannah Montana?” When Winter replied that it was the “latest symptom in…a very broad epidemic of sexualization of little girls” in the modern culture, Megyn responded, “You know, some people would talk about it as sexual liberation as sort of–I’m not talking about the little girls–but sort of getting to the point where you’re almost at the age of maturity–Miley turns eighteen in November–and…coming into your own as a woman and understanding your own sex appeal.” Concluding her spiel, she declared, “There is nothing wrong with sex appeal and there’s nothing wrong with sex….How old does she have to be before that piece of her personality, her personhood can be embraced?”

Ironically, of late, Megyn herself has failed to appreciate her own sex appeal. Rather, than flaunting her sexy stems as usual, she has recently eschewed any shots below the waist. Perhaps, Megyn should ask herself when she will embrace anew that “piece of her personality, her personhood”?

America Live – 10/11/10 (@1:47 p.m. ET)

Update: Johnny Dollar kindly e-mailed the explanation for AL‘s recent lack of “body shots” of Megyn. He revealed, “Megyn is in a different studio. Hers is being revamped for election-night duties. The shots are close-in because it’s a smaller space.”

AM on Holiday?

September 13, 2010

Lady Gaga still “wins.” With American Morning co-hosts Kiran Chetry and John Roberts off today, it appears their copy editor was playing hooky. As guest co-host Jim Acosta read the MTV Video Music Awards headlines story, the graphics read, “Lady Gaga Winds Big: Takes home eight trophies at MTV VMAs.” (N.B. Glaring error: “Winds” vis-a-vis “wins.”) To make matters worse, it occurred twice: once at 7:07 a.m. ET and again at 8:07 a.m. ET. Doubtless, a timorous truant is awaiting a good tongue lashing by his executive producer–unless Jamie Kraft, too, is on an AM vacation.

Gretchen, Snooki, & the Senator

August 12, 2010

Carlson: “Man, I Got to Get You Some Glasses, Senator!” Less than two months ago, Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson respectfully interviewed Jersey Shore‘s Snooki, a/k/a Nicole Polizzi, on the curvy couch: specifically, she asked her about Senator John McCain’s unsolicited supportive Tweet against the tanning bed tax. Today, however, the former Miss America had a snarkier take on Snooki as to the 2008 GOP Presidential candidate’s latest flirtation with the pop culture queen.

During a first-hour headline news segment, Gretchen reported that Senator McCain had offered his opinion on Snooki’s recent (July 30) disorderly arrest.* Subsequently, F&F producers aired an audio clip from the Tim and Willy Show KLME in which McCain said, “Is Snooki too good looking to go to jail?…I’m kind of leaning towards Snooki being too good looking.” Immediately thereafter, Gretchen snarked, “Man, I got to get you some glasses, Senator!” When she did, her co-host Steve Doocy smiled and arched his eyes brows in surprise while her off-camera co-anchor Brian Kilmeade exclaimed, “Wow! Ow!” In response, she simply snorted in amusement and finished reading the Snooki story.

After that gratuitous slight, will Snooki return to Fox & Fiends’ curvy couch any time soon? On the weekday with Gretchen, probably not. However, on the weekend with Alisyn Camerota, another proud Jersey Shore Girl, it may well be a different matter altogether. N.B. Less than a month ago, Aly dubbed herself, “Snooki Camerota.”

*Fox & Friends – 08/12/10 (@6:37 a.m. ET)

Update: Mediaite.com’s Jocelyn Rousely weighs in on the strange “menage a trois” sans Gretchen.

Banderas’ “Teachable Moment”?

July 25, 2010

PETA pride: Bear bashing? Fox Report weekend anchor Julie Banderas joined her weekday counterpart Shepard Smith today in finding great delight in the pain of the Trampoline Bear. In a Fox News “Bear Alert,” Julie announced that New Jersey had given approval to its first bear hunt in five years as Fox Report producers ran the exploitative almost-seven-year-old video of a tranquilized black bear falling from a tree onto a trampoline, being bounced high into the air, and then crashing headfirst into the unforgiving ground. As the footage ran, Julie laughed, “Maybe, all they [New Jersey authorities] need is a few trampolines. That’ll take care of ‘em: It’ll wipe ‘em all out!”* (The floor crew roared with approval.)

Not so very funny. Perhaps, the Kardashian sisters, Kloe and Kim, should have given their apparent friend Julie a lesson on animal appreciation earlier this month during their Fourth of July yacht cruise of the Hudson River.* Both of the beauties have been given an education of their own on animal rights by PETA. In 2008, Kloe posed for PETA’s “Fur? I’d Rather Go Naked” campaign against the killing of animals for their coat after the organization told her what occurred to the animals during fur harvesting. In April of this year, Kim had to defend herself for holding a kitten by the nape of the neck in a Twitter photo after coming under fire from PETA for doing so. Perhaps, they can now help explain to Julie that the Trampoline Bear deserves some respect as well.

The author is certainly not suggesting that Julie is cold-hearted after following her copious love Tweets about baby daughter Addison. However, regardless of one’s views of PETA, one would be hard pressed not to agree that animals should be treated as humanely as possible. To find humor in the harming of an animal, i.e., the Trampoline Bear, is simply regrettable at best. Hopefully, Julie (and Shep) will soon so concur.

[As to Julie's friendship with the Kardashian family, her sister Melissa Bidwell is co-executive producer of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." As to the aforementioned cruise, Julie, hubby Andrew, and their daughter Addison all were aboard with the Kardashian family for that luxurious outing on July 4th. The next day an appreciative Julie Tweeted, "@KhloeKardashian @KimKardashian @KeepinUpWKris It was great seeing u guys! Addison says she'll never forget her 1st 4th!!! :)"]

*Fox Report - 07/25/10 (@7:41 p.m. ET)

Update: Citing this article specifically, Julie responded, “I’d like to go on the record by saying all who know me are aware of my passion for animal rights. I would never condone animal cruelty and have informed my producers not to air the bear on a trampoline video on my show ever again. http://bit.ly/bVNExX”

Update2: Julie has scrubbed her Twitter page of her Trampoline Bear Tweets and reTweets, including her animal rights stand and her decision not to ever air the Trampoline Bear vid again on her weekend Fox Report.

“Snooki” Camerota: Fab Abs

July 17, 2010

Fox & Friends guest host Alisyn Camerota was “rocking the poof” Friday as  she buffed her abs with the “Jersey Core” workout. The self-proclaimed “Jersey Shore Girl” and “Snooki Camerota for that moment”* playfully touched the taut chest muscles of her New York Sports Club trainer hunk before fist-pumping her way through a heated workout. Not particularly fond of exercise in general, Aly willing went the distance for the “cause,” that sexy six pack. And that sexy six pack is something that she has long held in high esteem, whether through an appreciation of the well-honed abs of others (e.g., those of Terrell Owens in his F&F fitness segment) or a rightful pride in her own (e.g., the ones in her 80’s bikini pic).

Looking good, Aly: Tanned, toned, and tempting!

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 07/17/10 (@8:31 a.m. ET)

Wiehl: “Rooting” Lindsay?

July 14, 2010

From Lindsay Lohan’s “Freaky Friday” to Lis Wiehl‘s “Hump Day”? After reading Fox News legal analyst Wiehl’s “Just Go to Jail, Lindsay,” the author was still not sure what the sexy former prosecutor had in mind for the wayward waif. After Wiehl encouraged the troubled starlet to take the high road, serve her time, and be an example to her young female following, she exhorted Lindsay to do it for herself. Subsequently, sounding like one of Lindsay’s possible reality-series-bad-girl cellmates, Wiehl concludes, “And we’ll all be rooting you.”

Copy edit error or artistic license by the racy New York Times best-selling novelist?  Rather, Lis Wiehl: Lindsay Lohan cheerleader or cellmate? Either way, Lis, it might make for a “mean” book.

Courtney Friel Resurrected

October 30, 2009

Happy Halloween from Courtney Friel, Fox News’ Morticia! Dressed in black, the former blond bikini Maxim model, seemingly, came back to life on the Live Desk today after her disappearance on September 3 (according to Inside Cable News).* However, like an apparition, her presence was strangely short-lived after she introduced a sound bite mid-story that failed to materialize.

Welcome back, Courtney! Maybe, you can stick around for a while next time.

*Live Desk – 10/30/09 (@2:37 p.m. ET)

Gretch: “Kim Kardashian, Her Backside”

June 16, 2009

Just one look, Fox & Friends fans: That’s all you got. Of Kim Kardashian’s bum, that is. F&F flaunted it in the first promo but put it under wraps in the following ones. (For pop cultural eremites, Kim is a Playboy pretty, a Paris Hilton BFF, and star of the reality series “Keeping up with the Kardashians–not to mention her claim-to-fame personal tape.)*

As the six o’clock hour (ET) of F&F’s A Block concluded, photos of the upcoming guests were shown on the big blue screen. All were head shots except that of Kim which featured a body shot from behind with her buttocks on prominent display (and her looking back at the camera). As Gretchen read off the names, she laughing noted, “Kim Kardashian, her backside.”

When the same pics of the program’s guests were shown again at the end of the hour, the then priggish producers had enlarged Kim’s pic so that it became more of a head shot with her derriere largely hidden from view. Still, co-host Steve Doocy could not help but ad lib a double entendre. As he read the list with Kim’s name last, he said, “And Kim Kardashian as the caboose–so to speak.”

Kim is known to be quite proud of her rear. With F&F producers’ initial patent presentation of her posterior, they appeared to appreciate it as well. However, once Gretch brought attention to that fact, it was, “Butt Out!”

*http://www.people.com/people/kim_kardashian

Megyn: Bring It, Britney!

March 17, 2009

If U Seek Amy, Megyn: Catfight! Even though Britney Spears spoofed America’s Newsroom co-host hottie Megyn Kelly as a moralizing anchor in her video “If U Seek Amy,” Megyn relished the sex kitten’s claws. In an aptly named segment, “Cat Fight! Britney Calls Out Kelly’s Court,” Megyn reminded viewers that she had taken Britney “to task” in a past Kelly’s Court over the x-rated lyrics transparent in the title.

Thereafter she played the pop princess’ video which opened and ended with a blond “news anchor” on “America’s News” that looked and sounded like Megyn and who echoed her words precisely. As the vid started, the actress slowly said, “If U Seek Amy” and as it ended, she asked, “Doesn’t make any sense, does it?” Megyn laughed heartily and queried, “Did she take a shot at “moi”? I think so!”

Then facetiously, challenging Britney, she exclaimed, “Bring it, Britney! Come on!” As an aside to the audience, she said, “We have invited Britney Spears to come on this program. Showdown!” Playfully, pretending to bare her claws, she snarled saucily.

Fox fight!

Obama Girl: Aly’s Alter Ego

May 12, 2008

As I was watching the latest Obama Girl video [co-starring former Dem (and current Libertarian) presidential candidate Mike Gravel] on Fox & Friends, I noticed that Alisyn Camerota bears a striking resemblence to the bronzed Barack beauty, Amber Ettinger. Not only do they share a familial face and physique but also they enjoy a consanguine coquettish charm and a flirty forbidden flair. Do you have a crush on Alisyn?

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjK-iSkLJlQ

Spitzer’s Sins: Hubris & Hypocrisy

March 13, 2008

NY Gov. Eliot “Steamroller” Spitzer resigned in disgrace yesterday. Time’s Crusader of the Year and Wall Street’s Elliott Ness brought his promising political career to a premature end. He faces possible Mann Act, “structuring,” and prostitution felony charges. (In D.C., the normally misdemeanor prostitution charge is a felony.) Is he in trouble for the underlying morals charge? No. However, Spitzer prosecuted two call-girl services similar to the one he frequented and did so with strident and acerbic denunciations: ergo, the feds have an extra incentive to make this hypocritical highest law enforcement officer in New York accountable. In his take-no-prisoners white-collar prosecutions and his arrogant strong-arm tactics, he gained favorable media headlines but no faithful friends. Now the emperor has no clothes. In the bedroom or in the pressroom.

As Spitzer fizzles, his alleged courtesan, Ashley Alexandra Dupre a/k/a Kristen can now afford to retire from the world’s oldest profession. The comely chanteuse can now exploit the situation as she contemplates offers to pose for Penthouse (unknown amount) and Hustler ($1,000,000), to give an exclusive to the entertainment show Extra for $100,000, a probable one to write a book, etc. According to FNC, Conde Nast Portfolio reports that her song, “Can You Handle Me, Boy? Sex, Money, Drugs Is What I’m All About,” has been downloaded one million times already and presages that she will earn a million dollars by next week by virtue of her downloads. Further, the New York Post said that Ashley’s MySpace page has had 5 million hits. The Emperor’s Club VIP has been linked to the Duke of Westminister (one of the richest men in the world and the godfather of Prince William), has been seen with P. Diddy’s posse, and has performed in a video with NY rapper Mysterious.

Did Spitzer give us the new Paris Hilton?

Lindsay: The Last Standing

February 21, 2008

Lindsay Lohan appears to be the last member of the ruling pop tart trio standing. As to her two partners in party, Paris Hilton suffers from media fatigue and Britney Spears suffers from mental fatigue. The thrice rehabbed Lohan has come back from the brink of struggles with alcohol and drugs and has scored the ultimate American cheesecake photo shoot. She stars in Bert Stern’s recreation of his memorable “The Last Sitting” with Marilyn Monroe which is featured in New York magazine. (Marilyn’s iconic photos were shot six weeks before her death: some displayed a nude, doe-eyed demimondaine draped on a bed of white linen and others show the cine siren hiding coyly behind diaphanous scarfs.) Stern raved, “It was very similar, deja vu…like revisiting an old street.” Lohan said that she wanted to recreate the famous session: “I wanted to…get it point-on as much as I could.” Of her interpretation, she stated, “Here is a woman who is giving herself to the public.” Lohan added, “She’s saying, ‘Look, you’ve taken a lot from me, so why don’t I give it to you myself': She’s taking control back.”

Cf. http://media.nymag.com/fashion/08/spring/44247


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