Clayton No Dave: “Wins” Rigged Kayak Race

Stammering Tucker takes one for “the team”? “I’m not, I, you know, I, I think Clayton won.” Today, Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Clayton Morris finally took the gold in the annual F&FW-Bass Pro Shops kayak race–albeit with an abetting hand. With perennial champion Dave Briggs sidelined at NBC Sports Network, Clayton seemed possibly positioned to, at least, have a chance at a viable victory in view of his F&FW fans. But, apparently, F&FW producers had little to no faith in his ability alone to vanquish his new opponent, co-anchor Tucker Carlson.

Introducing the 2013 keen competition between Clayton and his new competitor Tucker (kayak racing vid), co-host Alisyn Camerota remarked, “The Great American Kayak Race has become a tradition on Fox & Friends: This weekend we continue with that venerable tradition.” Looking out at her lads on the water, Aly declared, “Tucker, you don’t know what you’re in for: This is your first annual kayak race. Clayton, you’re old hat: But, you’ve never won. So, let’s see what happens today.”

Standing in support next to the ever also-ran Clayton, F&FW meteorologist Rick Reichmuth animatedly interjected, “Tucker, what you need to know is that Clayton, um, is incredibly athletic. And…you’re really in for a big challenge here.” As Tucker derisively laughed, “Yeah,” Rick continued, “He’s also not afraid of getting wet! We’ll just put those two things [out].”

Subsequently, when Aly counted down to takeoff, Clayton’s F&FW/Bass Pro kayak handler propelled him forward as Tucker’s counterpart held him back until Clayton had reached virtually the first leg end point. Chuckling at the injustice, Tucker robustly oared forward and appeared to actually win the race by a nose. With the fix in, though, apparently, Clayton raised his arms in “triumph” as the Bass Pro ref and the handler who had held Tucker back pointed to Clayton as the purported winner.

Trying to appear, at least, a little fairer, Aly exclaimed, “That was a tie. You think so?” The “unbiased” Bass Pro ref shook his head and alleged that Clayton had won albeit barely. Aly countered, “I think it was a tie. I really think it was a tie!” As a smiling Clayton claimed, “Finally!,” Aly countered, That was a photo finish: I need to see the instant replay!”

Nevertheless, the Bass Pro spokesperson took the gold medal to Clayton, saying, “I’m going to give, I’m going to give first over here. I think you deserve it.” Turning to Tucker with the silver, he continued, “Even though, even though, you got cheated just a little bit.”

As the segment concluded, Rick stood beside Clayton: Pointing to Tucker, he aptly asserted, “I think you might want to thank his, um, four-second late start.”

When the show concluded about fifteen minutes later with Clayton the only cast member strangely absent, producers aired the photo finish again. As it ran, Aly declared, “Thanks so much for joining us. You can see here the very suspenseful final seconds of our annual kayak race. I think it was a tie.”

To her newly initiated co-host, she “innocently” queried, “What do you think, Tucker?” As Aly grinned at F&FW‘s compliant tyro, Tucker dutifully stuttered, “I’m not, I, you know, I, I think Clayton won.” Patting her new student on the shoulder approvingly, Aly replied, “Wow! Very big of you. Very big of you!”

Poor Tucker: Clayton’s Baghdad Bob for the day!

“Historian” Clayton: Clueless–Again?

“We haven’t had a Triple Crown winner since what, since Secretariat?” Fox & Friends co-host Clayton Morris, who prides himself in his purported historical ken, got his comeuppance for the second week in a row. Last Sunday, he was the only co-anchor to “need a refresher course on the Founding Mothers” as his co-anchor Alisyn Camerota so aptly asserted. (Vid: 2:48/3:10.) Today, he sorely needed a cheat sheet on the last Triple Crown winner of thoroughbred racing.

During a Preakness Stakes segment this morn with DailyThoroughbredNews.com editor Christina Bossinakis, the co-hosts’ discussion turned inevitably to whether Kentucky Derby winner Orb could conquer the second leg of the Triple Crown. When Bossinakis indicated that she thought that he would win unless a surprising variable occurred, Clayton regrettably ad libbed, “One of the variables, because we haven’t had a Triple Crown winner since what, since Secretariat?”

In response to Clayton clearly clueless, Bossinakis charitably replied, “It was actually Affirmed in 1978 and then we had Seattle Slew in 1977.”

Duly corrected, Clayton confessed, “I don’t know why…it just sounded good.”

Not.

Kooiman’s Kinky “White Wedding”

Anna the next F&F spring bride-to-be? FNC correspondent Anna Kooiman subtly announced today that she is getting married (at least, if the past two years of Fox & Friends spring wedding exercise segments are a precedent). In her first promo of her “Wedding Workout! How to Slim Down for the Big Day” racy couples fitness segment, Anna excitedly did jumping jacks with her white veil and faux marital garb to the tune of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding”: Off camera, F&F co-host Brian Kilmeade teased, “I think one is getting married: I think they’re all getting married, including Kooiman.”*

Later, when F&F co-anchor Alisyn Camerota introduced F&F‘s “Wedding Workout!” segment in the second hour, a smiling Anna appeared on camera in her ivory attire animatedly doing jumping jacks new–but this time with a suggestive ebony blindfold over her eyes.** Pulling it up momentarily, Anna remarked, “A couple that works out together stays together. And, that’s the idea behind…a brand new wedding season class at New York Sports Club.” Turning to her musclebound, blindfolded partner dressed all in black, she said, “This is my hubby….As if her real man were watching, she reassuringly declared, “He’s my stand-in hubby, just for the day!” [Italics added for emphasis.]

Subsequently, she had her “man of the moment” massage her shoulders as she interviewed the NY Sports Club instructors, asking them the name of their class: When the lady instructor responded “Tough Love,” Anna prompted her to give the rest of the risque rubric, “Bars, bands, and blindfolds.” Pulling her blindfold back over her eyes seductively, Anna racily remarked, “And, blindfolds. We are channeling Fifty Shades of Grey [an erotic romance thriller].” Subsequently, she did some “trust squats” blindfolded back-to-back with her partner and some bondage exercises (albeit free of the large rubber band loosely binding the ankles of some of the others).

When Anna began to wrap her report and segue back to the three F&F co-anchors, Steve Doocy randily queried, “What does the blindfold do?” Blushing, a grinning Anna answered, “This is what’s building the trust.” As Aly arched her eyebrows knowingly and echoed “the trust,” Ann continued, “I think because of the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, they are trying to…capitalize on that a bit.”

As Anna’s segment concluded, Aly intoned, “That’s great. Anna, I love that you turned to your partner like ‘married only for the day,’ ‘only for right now’ you had to tell him.” Hugging her hunk du jour in response, Ann chuckled, “Just for the day. Great, though!” Interjecting bawdily, Brian jested, “Right. Because he was hoping for the honeymoon!” As Steve smiled and Aly laughed, Anna tersely replied, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Yeah, yeah, Brian.” Anna probably already has her boy toy in tow if F&F‘s past is a prelude to her future. Almost two years ago (June 5, 2011), F&FW guest co-host Molly Line did a Nikki Fitness segment with “brides” in white entitled, “Bridal Boot Camp: Tips to get in shape for the big day”: Four days later on F&F weekday, she proudly proclaimed that she was betrothed and happily displayed her new engagement ring. Last year (June 14, 2012), Ainsley did her own Nikki Fitness segment titled, “Wedding Workout: Exercises to Get You Ready for the Big Day” in white connubial dress: Two weeks to the day later, Ainz was sporting her own connubial bling but waited until another month and half to announce, “Yes, I’m getting married.”

This year, Anna followed with her saucier version of the annual spring “white wedding” exercise segment: Today, it sounded as if Anna may have her own marital band in full view. Anna’s foot may not have fit into Cinderella’s glass slipper two days ago: But, she appears to have her real Prince at the ready.

*F&F – 05/02/13 (@ 6:56 a.m. ET)

**Ibid at @ 6:38 a.m. ET.

Hooters for Clayton: Busted by Miles!

Natalie: “Oh, @ClaytonMorris, you got some ‘splaining to do!” Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Clayton Morris apparently wanted some extra spicy fare from a “really full” Hooters last month but came up embarrassingly empty. And, he got busted to boot by his boy Miles!

In a prickly Tweet about Clayton’s indiscreet adventure, Natali Morris nee Del Conte declared, “My 2 yr-old son: ‘Mommy we tried to go to Hooters but it was really full.” As an acerbic aside to her hubby, she added, “Oh @ClaytonMorris, you got some ‘splaining to do!”

Oops! Out of the mouth of Clayton’s babe. Straight to Natali’s ears!

“Ms. Cuomo”: I Will Forever Be the Goldie Hawn

Sandra Lee: “You’re just naughty, naughty guy, aren’t you?” Fox & Friends Weekend fill-in co-host Mike Jerrick had Food Network host Sandra Lee, NY Governor Andrew Cuomo’s live-in love, blushing and aflutter this morning. In a segment promoting Lee’s latest (25th) cook book entitled “Every Dish Delivers,” the long-tressed blond beauty saucily declared that mole was a chocolate sauce with a kiss, a kick with a kiss: When F&FW guest co-anchor Anna Kooiman seemingly responded, “You weren’t supposed to go there,” Lee laughed, “I meant that in the sweetest way.”

Ever the bawd, Mike mischievously remarked, “Speaking of kisses, are, are you still with the governor?” Reddening yet smiling, Lee riposted, “You’re just [a] naughty, naughty guy, aren’t you? Yes, I will forever be the Goldie Hawn of the cooking world!”

Milking the moment of Lee’s chagrin, a grinning Mike jibed, “It’s been going on for quite a few years now, Sandra.” Blushing all the more, Lee retorted, “Eight! And, he loves my chicken.” As Anna sweetly stepped in between Mike and Lee, an appreciative Lee jested, “I can always depend on my girlfriends to help me out. We’ll box you [Mike] right over.” Subsequently, she stammered, “Okay, so these are wonderful, um, uh, enchilada burritos. Now, you have me all flustered!”

In response, Mike facetiously exclaimed, “I’m sorry!” As almost an aside to her audience, Lee declared, “Look at what he does.”

Look indeed: “Naughty, naughty guy” Mike Jerrick may have got the goods. Even though she insisted that she would “forever be the Goldie Hawn of the cooking world,” the “all flustered” Lee sounded as if her new novel “The Recipe Box” (“with striking similaries to New York’s first couple” according to the WSJ)  may reveal the true story. I.e., she is expecting a marriage proposal from her politician bedfellow of almost decade.

Game Day Over: Aly’s “B Team” Back!

No news is good news for Fox & Friends Weekend co-hosts Clayton Morris and Tucker Carlson. Yesterday, FNC’s “A Team” took the field after the capture of the last of the Boston Marathon bomber brothers: From an early edition F&F First to America Live, FNC’s regular programming (save for Happening Now) and their co-hosts returned to the day’s fare. Nevertheless, F&FW co-host Alisyn Camerota maintained her pivotal position on F&F‘s curvy couch as she was joined by FNC’s week-day alpha dogs, Brian Kilmeade (F&F co-anchor) and Jon Scott (Happening Now co-host). Notably, F&FW “B Team” boys, Clayton and Tucker were sent to the sidelines without a mere mention to their F&FW fans.

But, today was a new day. As the news returned to normal, Aly still reigned supreme on her curvy couch. And, joining her again were her courtiers, Clayton and Tucker, comfortably ensconced as her bookends: The alpha males had gone away and the beta boys were back in town.

Today, all was right again–at least, in F&FW‘s world.

Terse Gretch Explains Absence

“I’m glad to be back here today.” Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson seemed rather defensive this morning about her absence yesterday from F&F‘s Boston Marathon tragedy special edition. Appearing eager to explain America Live‘s Megyn Kelly‘s appearance on the curvy couch in her place, Gretchen got straight to the point as soon as the show started.

After the obligatory opening teases for the program, Gretchen solemnly said, “Welcome, everyone. Good to be back.” As her co-hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy looked at her with stone faces, a seemingly agitated Gretchen declared, “Unfortunately, I was on an airplane when all of this happened in Boston and could not get from the West Coast. I’m glad to be back here today.” In response, Steve stayed strangely silent and Brian simply said, “Yeah.”

Yeah. Sounds like someone may have heard the scuttlebutt. Or, read Carpe Diem yesterday.

F&F’s Special Megyn Kelly: “Now I’m Curvy”

Preggers pretty: “This is interesting for me.” America Live anchor Megyn Kelly returned regally to Fox & Friends‘ curvy couch this morning to fill-in for the seemingly increasingly absent Gretchen Carlson. Looking resplendent in a purple modest dress with a demurely plunging neckline, the gravid beauty joined co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade for a Boston Marathon tragedy special edition. Like F&F Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota who oft takes the field for F&F‘s ”A Team” on other momentous occasions, Megyn provided her usual grace and necessary gravitas to carry the show with the boys for four long hours of in-depth coverage of the horrific killings and the monstrous maimings on Patriot Day as the Bean City showcased the national’s oldest marathon.

After F&F coverage of the chaos for over two long hours, Megyn decided to give her audience a short interlude of levity. Mid-show, subsequent to Boston-based FNC correspondent Molly Line‘s report subtitled “Boston Terror Bombings,” she started to discuss the survivors’ loss of their limbs and security and to contrast their plight with the comfort of the co-hosts and their viewers, saying, “Here we are…on the curvy couch.” Interrupting herself mid-sentence, Megyn declared, “This is interesting for me. I did it [co-hosting] once seven years ago”: Placing both her palms on her stomach, she chuckled, “But, never pregnant!”

Pointing to Megyn’s baby bump in reply, Steve smilingly jested, “Now you’re curvy to go with the couch!” Grinning jauntily, Megyn replied, “Now, I’m curvy, right! You’ve got a curvy anchor to go on the curvy couch!”

Vintage Megyn Kelly: serious news–with her saucy take. Lawyer journo GQ “hot”!

[Author's aside: For Megyn's AL announcement of her third-to-be, cf. here for video.]

Maria Molina: Tart Tatt or Beauty Birthmark?

Pretty in pink. Hottie FNC meteorologist Maria Molina is on a new schedule and is sporting a new look. Cosmo‘s caliente Latina announced a few weeks ago that she will be on Fox News from 5 a.m. to 12 noon E.T. Mondays through Fridays: Apparently, Maria has replaced Janice Dean on Fox & Friends First on Thursdays and Fridays.

As to her new look, Maria eschews her nubial naked appeal re jewelry: Instead, the Nicaraguan nymph now not only wears her de rigeur earrings but also she “dresses to kill” (vid) as she dons a bracelet on her left wrist and a watch on her right one. Consequently, her fans rarely espy that pink ring with two barbs on the bottom of her left wrist hidden that seemed to whisper naughty nothings to her fans.*

Still, tatt or birthmark? ‘Fess up, Maria!

[Author's aside: Whether her beauty barbs are a tatt or a beauty mark, she has failed to disclose when asked.]

*Fox & Friends First – 04/09/13 (5:38 a.m. ET)

Aly Revives “In the Green Room”

But, uncensored this time? Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Alisyn Camerota (and her indefatigable assistant Jenn Marie Rivera) resurrected F&F’s moribund “In the Green Room” blog today after almost a year in the grave. Alerting Aly acolytes and other F&FW fans to the good news, Jenn promised them a weekly “behind-the-scenes…Curvy Couch” peek. Unedited, hopefully.

As her long-time fans remember, Aly ran a fun, fab In the Green Room earlier iteration a few years ago. In it, she shared special moments from her past and included family beach photos, prom pics and even a purported “figment of [her] former self” bikini shot–not to mention her “You Sexy Thing” wedding video. Unfortunately, the Bristol Bay babe herself got cold feet over her sexy posts or some priggish FNC philistine decided to bowdlerize (or Bloombergize) them for the public good.

Now, she’s back! Hopefully, she will deliver the goods again. Unvarnished–and unredacted!

[Author's aside: Aly's renewed “In the Green Room” appears to be a probable replacement for her once public website alisyncamerota.com that is now private. Cf. Carpe Diem‘s “Sexy Aly: My New Website.”

Aly in White: “I Married for Looks”

Timothy Lewis: Aly’s Ivory League Hubby. Today, Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Alisyn Camerota let her acolytes know that she is still “tethered” to her Ivory League hottie even if she somehow forgot her wedding ring Wednesday on America’s Newsroom. Without identifying hubby Timothy Lewis by name, she took the opportunity to elaborate on her connubial state this morning during an F&FW story on college and marriage.

In a second-hour segment on an opining Princeton mom who encouraged female students to snag their eligible schoolmates (like her son because they would never have a better pool from which to pick), Aly smirked at this out-dated dating tip on the preeminence of getting one’s M.R.S. degree in college. Comically, co-anchor Clayton Morris asked Aly whether she as an “intelligent beautiful woman” who had “dated…some morons” and “ended up with marrying a very intelligent man” had not married the “morons” because she “felt intellectually superior” to them: In response, Aly jested, “Look, I don’t call them ‘morons,’ I call them ‘convicts’….As you know–you both [Clayton and guest co-host Kelly Wright] have met my husband–I married for looks!” [Pic of Aly, her handsome hubby Tim, and their three children.]

Elaborating, Aly exclaimed, “I could never have followed her advice:  Thank goodness, I didn’t married anybody right out of college!” Countering, Kelly interjected, “And, then was your husband from an Ivory League school?” Laughing, Aly acknowledged, “Yes….Yes, he is!” When Kelly persisted that she was giving the Princeton mother some validity because she had married an Ivy Leaguer, Aly aptly riposted, “But, but, it took me a LONG time to get there!”

[Author's aside: Unfortunately, for F&FW fans who would like to see more of Aly and her guy, their edgy "You Sexy Thing" wedding dance video has been deleted from F&F's "In the Greenroom" blog. P.S. Re "Aly in White" in the title, it refers to Aly's demure bridal-like white dress today.]

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/30/13 (@ 7:33 a.m. ET)

Aly in Red: Naked Again!

Rocking and ringless anew? Sexy Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota guest-hosted America’s Newsroom in a state of connubial dishabille yesterday. Filling in for AN co-host Martha MacCallum (who also has had her own “ringless” AM moments), Aly sported a demure fire-red dress with tanned-nude high heels to match sans wedding band.* Sitting beside her co-anchor Bill Hemmer, a lovely Aly appeared unencumbered, embodying DeBurgh’s lovely lady in red.

As long-time F&FW fans may remember, Aly interrupted her five-month abdication of her throne in 2011 to guest-host F&F weekday on July 10, 2011. While doing so, the Bohemian beauty ditched her marital band and rocked out during Loverboy’s live rendition of “Working for the Weekend” in her “‘hep’ headband and a matching wristband” atop the shoulders of an appreciative co-anchor Brian Kilmeade.** Since Carpe Diem chronicled that festive event (Aly’s Back: She’s Rocking–& Ringless), she has dutifully adorned herself in her connubial bond to hubby Tim Lewis.

“Lady in Red”: naked again! Tethered or not, Aly’s never “shine(d) so bright.”

*America’s Newsroom – 03/27/13 (vid – 2:47/5:35)

**Fox & Friends – 06/10/11 (vid – 1:59/4:13)

“I’m Alisyn Camerota”: Gretchen Who?

“Gretchen is off this week and Aly is in her spot.” Thus, Fox & Friends co-anchor Steve Doocy explained yesterday the latest absence of co-host Gretchen Carlson, who has reportedly been haggling with FNC for her own show.*  However, today, without any mention of filling in for Gretchen, guest co-anchor Alisyn Camerota introduced herself at the start of each hour simply saying, “I’m Alisyn Camerota.” Noteworthy? Perhaps.

As Gretchen absences seem more and more oft, Fox & Friends fans may be forgiven for wondering if FNC Executive VP of Programming Bill Shine is auditioning vixens anew for the center seat on the curvy couch. Monday, Fox & Friends First co-host Ainsley Earhardt made an appearance; Tuesday, Anna Kooiman, the former F&FF co-anchor who has suddenly enjoyed a significant presence on F&F (corresponding with the one-year anniversary of the latest iteration of F&FF which she and Ainsley christened together).* Yesterday and today, Aly, the consummate center F&F curvy couch co-anchor, took “Gretchen’s place” not only without a hitch but took it up a notch as usual.

If Gretchen does leave her seat on the F&F shared sofa for her own FNC chair, it seems obvious that Aly would be the natural choice. But, Anna appears to be the “wild card”: She’s smart, beautiful, and, oh, so ENERGETIC–and F&F wants its viewers to get to know her better:  Lately, it has proudly showcased her on a very regular basis, e.g., as the sexy “turbo kicking” teacher [vid]; the sensual Cirque du Soleil acrobat; and as the fearless five-city reporter in search of an “honest man.”

Nevertheless, the author tends to think that the more seasoned Aly is and would continue to be a natural fit with the weekday A-Team of Steve and Brian Kilmeade. As for Anna? She certainly would serve as a sexy, sharp, spunky F&F Weekend co-host to contrast with the ever awkward Tucker Carlson and “tech geek” Clayton Morris if Aly moves up when Gretch moves out.

*Fox & Friends – 03/20/13 (@ 8:01 a.m. ET)

“Proud” Tucker: It Hasn’t Impaired My Dignity!

Co-host Clayton Morris: “I gave that up a long time ago!” Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Tucker Carlson seems to finally be “let[ting] us in” as his co-host Alisyn Camerota obliquely requested over three months ago. Yesterday, the usually uptight conservative Daily Caller co-founder decided to do a “down and dirty” tease with the “Clean Momma” a la his Dancing with the Stars days [via F&FW meteorologist Rick Reichmuth's  vid]:* In fact, he even did an encore in the subsequent fitness segment illustrating the “Dustpan-Busting Butt-Burner” for Clean Momma who “want[ed] to watch [his] butt go up and down.”** Today, Tucker dutifully donned with good humor F&FW‘s de rigeur St. Patrick’s Day kitsch alongside Aly and Clayton for the amusement of their F&FW fans. [Aly assistant Jenn Rivera pics: 1, 2.]

Over three months ago (on his third day as unofficial new F&FW co-host), Tucker and his co-anchors (Aly and guest co-host Mike Jerrick) had their personal signatures analyzed by handwriting expert Michelle Dresbold, author of Sex, Lies and Handwriting.*** When Tucker showed Ms. Dresbold’s his autograph (“TSMC”), she incredulously declared, “Most people, at least, cursive their signature: When you print, it…means you’re not letting anyone see you too much. And, you only write your initials which means ‘I’m really not letting you see too much: I’m doing quick as I can and get it done.”

Downplaying Dresbold’s rather frank assessment, a stone-faced Tucker joked, “It’s like ‘Tears of a Clown’: I keep it inside.” Not letting him off so easily, Aly interjected, “Um, why won’t you let us in, Tucker?” Smiling and pointing at his heart, Tucker riposted, “I don’t know. Because it’s too dark inside.”

Perhaps, with the assistance of a few early morn Irish coffees, Tucker finally opened himself a mite on this St. Paddy’s Day weekend. But, if he really wants to win his F&FW viewers over, Tucker will have to follow Aly’s intimated advice to let them in. Otherwise, FNC’s sun-”Shine” may reconsider allowing the “other Carlson” to brighten too many more F&FW dawns.

[Author's aside (re title and subtitle): As the third hour of F&FW opened, Tucker donned a fake green mustache and Clayton and Aly sported matching gawdy sunglasses. Undaunted, Tucker protested, "We're not too proud to celebrate St. Patrick's Day on this program....It hasn't impaired my dignity!" With a slight smile, Clayton comically replied, "I gave that up a long time ago!"]

*Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/17/13 (@ 8:49 a.m. ET)

**Fox & Friends Weekend – 03/17/13 (@ 3:22/4:12)

***FNC vid via Mediaite.

Fox & Friends First Turns One: Growing Pains?

Co-host Ainsley Earhardt: “The four of us.”* F&FF‘s Big Love to less love? On March 5, 2013, Ainsley and her co-anchor Heather Nauert marked their first anniversary on the new Fox & Friends First with a much smaller family of co-hosts and a wiser (or, perhaps, more wizened) version of its younger self. Of the earlier stable of beauties (Anna Kooiman, Ainsley Earhardt, Juliet Huddy, Patti Ann Browne, Arthel Neville, Heather Childers, Heather Nauert, and Jamie Colby) and two beasts (Dave Briggs and Clayton Morris), only Ainsley, the two Heathers, and PAB survived the year. As to the show itself, it seems to be still evolving.

When F&FF made its debut [vid1], it proudly featured its “twin” sexy South Carolina sirens, Ainsley and Anna, who more than made good on their saucy promise to rouse their viewers with a “shot of expresso” [vid2].”  Bringing “SexyBack” a la the original F&FF [vid3] in the ’00′s (with Kiran Chetry, Alisyn Camerota, and Juliet Huddy), Anna and Ainsley saucily showcased their sexy stems in short dresses for their fervid fans as F&FF cameras took obligingly lingering shots. Subsequently, after two femme editors (1, 2) mocked the morning gamfest, they returned the very next day to a new set which hid their gorgeous gams behind a huge table: However, after the author derided them for “Losing Sexy Fast” and “Happening Not!,” F&FF switched course again and ditched the daffy desk.

Approximately, four months later, F&FF‘s website signaled that other changes were on the way when it provided only the bios of the current F&FF co-hosts, Ainsley, the two Heathers, and PAB. Subsequently, Juliet moved on to become a Fox 5 Good Day NY co-host; Arthel to her weekends as America’s News Headquarters co-anchor; Jamie Colby to her weekends also to America’s News HQ; and Clayton to his F&FW spot (and F&F guest co-host); and Dave ultimately to NBC Sports (with Michelle D. Beadle).

Re the programming itself, F&FF has ditched the split-screen opening with shots of the lovelies preparing for their show juxtaposed to the opining of Bill O’Reilly to conclude the Factor: in its place, F&FF producers run a modern-day version of American television viewers beginning their day to the national anthem and Old Glory waving in the wind before the programming begins. Mid-show, the gorgeous gals stretch their gams and stand rather than flaunt their legs and sit to proclaim the five important stories of the next half-hour. Furthermore, the “B Team” beauties no longer end their show with a segue to the F&F “A Team”: Rather, they bid their viewers adieu in lieu of risking another uncomfortable toss (“F&F Cat Spat: Gretch ‘Slimes’ the Two Heathers”).

Growing pains? Over the year, F&FF has pared its “perfect ten” to a “final four.” A winning team for the future?

[Author's aside (re the subtitle): When Heather Nauert concluded F&FF's anniversary show, saying, "It's always a great time together," Ainsley answered, "The four of us."]

Nicoles’ Sexy “Stalk”: Janice’s Breathy Walk!

Saucy Dean apes sultry Petallides: Fox-y catwalk catfight? Playful FNC meteorologist Janice Dean made racy sport of her colleague FBN correspondent Nicole Petallides‘ “stalk walk” this morning to the great delight of Fox & Friends‘ co-hosts and its fans.

Less than five minutes after the always sensual Nicole gave her usual “walk-and-talk” business report (from the floor of the New York Stock exchange), a playful Janice appeared for her weather report outside the studio.* After her intro from F&F co-host Steve Doocy as the “Snowball Machine,” Janice remarked, “Now, Steve, Gretch [Carlson], and Brian [Kilmeade], I’m a big fan of Nicole Petallides’ stalk walk, you know when she walks and she talks about the stock. So…I think I’m going to do a weather walk: So, I’m going to talk about the weather while I walk.”  Raising her eyebrows wantonly, she purred, “Are you ready? Are you ready for this?”

Excitedly, Gretchen interposed, “Oh, my gosh!”

Pulling back her shoulders, Janice began to sexily sashay down the F&F veranda. As Steve giggled and Gretchen cackled, Janice breathily began to give her weather report. Joining in the bawdy fun, producers suddenly started to play stereotypical sexploitation music (a la Shaft‘s theme): Naughtily, an off-cam Steve teased, “Janice, how would you describe the voice you’re using right now?”

Staying in character, an undaunted Janice continued her rutty strut, cooing, “It’s my weather walk voice!” As an appreciative Steve laughed, an even more impressed Gretchen intoned, “Oh, my gosh! This is fantastic!” As Janice beamed broadly, a randy Brian interjected, “By the way, Ted on camera is going to need a shower after this segment!”

Bowing after her bravo performance, Janice declared, “There’s my weather walk everybody!” Smiling, Steve said, “Very nicely done! Pioneering a new aspect on Fox & Friends!” Chiming in, Gretchen added, “Janice, you realize [that] we’re going to expect that everyday now!”

Enthusiastically, Janice answered, “Fantastic! It’s the only time I’m going to get exercise.”

As the segment ended, Brian pronounced, “So, that’s the weather walk. Nicole will have her answer at some point, I’m sure.”

Indeed. And, assuredly, the gammy Greek goddess’ votaries eagerly await that answer to the cheeky Canadian’s challenge.

Until then, kudos, Janice! And, encore! Encore!

*Fox & Friends – 02/28/13 (@ 8:38 a.m. ET)

Sexy Aly: “My New Website”

“What do you think?” Fox & Friends Weekend co-host Alisyn Camerota may always be “Puerto Rico Perfect”: But, her site could use some work. Two days before Valentine’s Day, the sexy siren heralded the debut of her personal new web site alisyncamerota.com. As Aly gave an appreciative nod to its apparent creator, her talented assistant Jenn Marie Rivera, for her “mastery,”  she asked her fans for their reviews.

As for the author, he gives Aly’s site three stars (out of five) in its present state. The “Home,” “In the News,” and “Facebook” sections pass muster but the “About” and “Gallery” are not quite up to par. For new F&FW viewers, the “About” section gives them the mistaken notion that Aly has continually co-hosted the show since 2000: In reality, Aly co-anchored it during the early-to-mid 2000′s with Kiran Chetry and Julian Phillips (and, later, with Kelly Wright) and returned to captain the crew of Clayton Morris and Dave Briggs in 2008. As to the “Gallery,” it is mainly a prosaic pictorial chronology of Aly on the program (other than her fun, frisky “Action Heroes” shots): perhaps, it should be spiced up with more personal and/or saucy shots of the Italian dish, a la the infamously deleted bikini pic.

Aly’s site: still a work in progress. But, hats off to Jenn for a good start!

Gretch’s Valentine Secret: “Not…For Broadcast!”

“Everyone’s going to have a good Valentine’s Day but me now.” Oops! Fox & Friends du jour “Dr. Love” Marc Siegel let co-anchor Gretchen Carlson‘s off-air romance remark about her hubby Casey Close out of the bag this morning–much to her chagrin. Poor Casey!

In the segment about medical love myths, Gretchen asked Dr. Siegel whether “love at first sight” exists.* After he had declared that it does indeed, co-host Brian Kilmeade interjected, asking if nature was thereby drawing men and women together to procreate. Emphatically, Dr. Siegel asserted, “Absolutely true, within the first couple of seconds!” Elaborating, perhaps, a mite too much, he declared, “It’s not all over after that….Well, you guys…told me you didn’t really love at first sight.” Pointing to Gretchen, Dr. Siegel added, “You didn’t have love at first sight with Casey, you told me.”

Her face reddening to match her dress, a chagrinned Gretchen chuckled, “Oh! Excuse me! That was not necessarily for broadcast.” Looking into the camera as if at her hubby, she fervently declared, “I love you, Honey! Happy Valentine’s Day!” Turning to Brian, she laughed, “Suddenly, this segment’s taking a totally different turn.”

As the segment ended, Gretchen remarked, “Everyone is going to have a good Valentine’s Day except for me now….I hope he’s still sleeping!” Trying to make it up to her man, she explained, “He is a fantastic husband…We, we met on a blind date. It was love at first sight–on the third date!”

“Casey at bat”: With Gretchen, he was “close” but he didn’t strike out!

*Fox & Friends – 02/14/13 (@ 6:23 a.m. ET)

Gretchen’s Joke Falls Flat: “Can You Hear Me?”

Brian: “Yeah, I can.” Today, Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson ribbed her co-anchor Brian Kilmeade about “one of [his] favorite spies…Anna Chapman“–and Brian was not amused. So much so that he ignored Gretchen–to her chagrin. And, the former Miss America is not fond of such a lese-majeste: But, today, she had to sit back on her curvy couch “throne” and brook it.

Mid-show this morn, as producers ran footage of Victoria’s Secret models saucily sashaying down the catwalk and sexily posing for the camera, Gretchen read the headline story entitled, “‘Don’t Be a Plain Jane’: Feds Train Workers to Improve Their Looks” (re a DIA presentation encouraging female employees to don makeup, wear skirts, and paint their nails).  Segueing to a split-screen Brian (co-anchoring from the Big Easy post Super Bowl), Gretchen jested, “Now, Brian, I know that…one of your favorite spies ever was Anna Chapman from Russia. And, she tended to dress up in a skirt, makeup, and used probably some nail polish.”

As Gretchen spoke, Brian, frowning, looked straight ahead at the camera. When Gretchen had finished, Brian looked down at his notes instead of replying. Befuddled at his non-response, Gretchen asked, “Can you hear me?” Looking up without a smile, Brian replied, “Yeah, I can. I, I just never fell for her, her trap. I do believe there is a bigger story there and you know that.”  Embarrassed, Gretchen gulped hard, pursed her lips, and nodded her head repeatedly. With a slight smile, Brian continued,” And, everyone just because she’s hot and has a nice body people kind of fell for it. But, I believe the Russians are still here.”

Russians? Yesteryear, they were red: Today, Gretchen was.

Fox & Friends - 02/04/13 – 7:37 a.m. ET

Brian “Kill-mead”: Governor “Bobby Kindel”

Sandra Lee’s special sauce at fault? Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade imbibed the New Orleans experience, perhaps, too literally this morning. During an F&F Sandra Lee Super Bowl snack segment at the New Orleans Convention Center this morning, Brian sampled Lee’s Bloody Mary, perhaps, as a “hair of the dog” delight after his foray onto Bourbon Street last night. Subsequently–or consequently, he thereafter mangled Lee’s apparent sponsor LG TV calling it LD TV. Not surprisingly, Lee responded by giving him apt grief for his gaffe: Furthermore, when Brian tossed back to his co-anchors, Steve Doocy ribbed him all the more about his drinking and his faux pas.

Obviously, a good swig of demon rum will not normally muddle one’s mind. However, Brian seemed to be suffering from some  lingering effect this afternoon before his interview of Louisiana’s governor, Bobby Jindal. Tweeting from outside the gubernatorial abode, Brian declared, “Heading in to gov mansion to intv Bobby Kindel @foxandfriends http://yfrog.com/mg4ybqsj.” After getting ribbed by his Tweeps about his obvious error (including the author), Brian did not respond: Rather, once the interview had concluded, he generically Tweeted, “Great 25 min with the Governor. Could not have been more upbeat and optimistic @foxandfriends http://yfrog.com/kj3wpuhj.”

Guess Governor Jindal pardoned Brian for his lese-majeste in the spirit of Mardi Gras. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

[Author's aside: "Kill-mead" is a not so subtle reference to the preferred intoxicant enjoyed in Beowulf.]