Kooiman’s Kinky “White Wedding”

Anna the next F&F spring bride-to-be? FNC correspondent Anna Kooiman subtly announced today that she is getting married (at least, if the past two years of Fox & Friends spring wedding exercise segments are a precedent). In her first promo of her “Wedding Workout! How to Slim Down for the Big Day” racy couples fitness segment, Anna excitedly did jumping jacks with her white veil and faux marital garb to the tune of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding”: Off camera, F&F co-host Brian Kilmeade teased, “I think one is getting married: I think they’re all getting married, including Kooiman.”*

Later, when F&F co-anchor Alisyn Camerota introduced F&F‘s “Wedding Workout!” segment in the second hour, a smiling Anna appeared on camera in her ivory attire animatedly doing jumping jacks new–but this time with a suggestive ebony blindfold over her eyes.** Pulling it up momentarily, Anna remarked, “A couple that works out together stays together. And, that’s the idea behind…a brand new wedding season class at New York Sports Club.” Turning to her musclebound, blindfolded partner dressed all in black, she said, “This is my hubby….As if her real man were watching, she reassuringly declared, “He’s my stand-in hubby, just for the day!” [Italics added for emphasis.]

Subsequently, she had her “man of the moment” massage her shoulders as she interviewed the NY Sports Club instructors, asking them the name of their class: When the lady instructor responded “Tough Love,” Anna prompted her to give the rest of the risque rubric, “Bars, bands, and blindfolds.” Pulling her blindfold back over her eyes seductively, Anna racily remarked, “And, blindfolds. We are channeling Fifty Shades of Grey [an erotic romance thriller].” Subsequently, she did some “trust squats” blindfolded back-to-back with her partner and some bondage exercises (albeit free of the large rubber band loosely binding the ankles of some of the others).

When Anna began to wrap her report and segue back to the three F&F co-anchors, Steve Doocy randily queried, “What does the blindfold do?” Blushing, a grinning Anna answered, “This is what’s building the trust.” As Aly arched her eyebrows knowingly and echoed “the trust,” Ann continued, “I think because of the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, they are trying to…capitalize on that a bit.”

As Anna’s segment concluded, Aly intoned, “That’s great. Anna, I love that you turned to your partner like ‘married only for the day,’ ‘only for right now’ you had to tell him.” Hugging her hunk du jour in response, Ann chuckled, “Just for the day. Great, though!” Interjecting bawdily, Brian jested, “Right. Because he was hoping for the honeymoon!” As Steve smiled and Aly laughed, Anna tersely replied, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Yeah, yeah, Brian.” Anna probably already has her boy toy in tow if F&F‘s past is a prelude to her future. Almost two years ago (June 5, 2011), F&FW guest co-host Molly Line did a Nikki Fitness segment with “brides” in white entitled, “Bridal Boot Camp: Tips to get in shape for the big day”: Four days later on F&F weekday, she proudly proclaimed that she was betrothed and happily displayed her new engagement ring. Last year (June 14, 2012), Ainsley did her own Nikki Fitness segment titled, “Wedding Workout: Exercises to Get You Ready for the Big Day” in white connubial dress: Two weeks to the day later, Ainz was sporting her own connubial bling but waited until another month and half to announce, “Yes, I’m getting married.”

This year, Anna followed with her saucier version of the annual spring “white wedding” exercise segment: Today, it sounded as if Anna may have her own marital band in full view. Anna’s foot may not have fit into Cinderella’s glass slipper two days ago: But, she appears to have her real Prince at the ready.

*F&F – 05/02/13 (@ 6:56 a.m. ET)

**Ibid at @ 6:38 a.m. ET.

Game Day Over: Aly’s “B Team” Back!

No news is good news for Fox & Friends Weekend co-hosts Clayton Morris and Tucker Carlson. Yesterday, FNC’s “A Team” took the field after the capture of the last of the Boston Marathon bomber brothers: From an early edition F&F First to America Live, FNC’s regular programming (save for Happening Now) and their co-hosts returned to the day’s fare. Nevertheless, F&FW co-host Alisyn Camerota maintained her pivotal position on F&F‘s curvy couch as she was joined by FNC’s week-day alpha dogs, Brian Kilmeade (F&F co-anchor) and Jon Scott (Happening Now co-host). Notably, F&FW “B Team” boys, Clayton and Tucker were sent to the sidelines without a mere mention to their F&FW fans.

But, today was a new day. As the news returned to normal, Aly still reigned supreme on her curvy couch. And, joining her again were her courtiers, Clayton and Tucker, comfortably ensconced as her bookends: The alpha males had gone away and the beta boys were back in town.

Today, all was right again–at least, in F&FW‘s world.

Terse Gretch Explains Absence

“I’m glad to be back here today.” Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson seemed rather defensive this morning about her absence yesterday from F&F‘s Boston Marathon tragedy special edition. Appearing eager to explain America Live‘s Megyn Kelly‘s appearance on the curvy couch in her place, Gretchen got straight to the point as soon as the show started.

After the obligatory opening teases for the program, Gretchen solemnly said, “Welcome, everyone. Good to be back.” As her co-hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy looked at her with stone faces, a seemingly agitated Gretchen declared, “Unfortunately, I was on an airplane when all of this happened in Boston and could not get from the West Coast. I’m glad to be back here today.” In response, Steve stayed strangely silent and Brian simply said, “Yeah.”

Yeah. Sounds like someone may have heard the scuttlebutt. Or, read Carpe Diem yesterday.

F&F’s Special Megyn Kelly: “Now I’m Curvy”

Preggers pretty: “This is interesting for me.” America Live anchor Megyn Kelly returned regally to Fox & Friends‘ curvy couch this morning to fill-in for the seemingly increasingly absent Gretchen Carlson. Looking resplendent in a purple modest dress with a demurely plunging neckline, the gravid beauty joined co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade for a Boston Marathon tragedy special edition. Like F&F Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota who oft takes the field for F&F‘s ”A Team” on other momentous occasions, Megyn provided her usual grace and necessary gravitas to carry the show with the boys for four long hours of in-depth coverage of the horrific killings and the monstrous maimings on Patriot Day as the Bean City showcased the national’s oldest marathon.

After F&F coverage of the chaos for over two long hours, Megyn decided to give her audience a short interlude of levity. Mid-show, subsequent to Boston-based FNC correspondent Molly Line‘s report subtitled “Boston Terror Bombings,” she started to discuss the survivors’ loss of their limbs and security and to contrast their plight with the comfort of the co-hosts and their viewers, saying, “Here we are…on the curvy couch.” Interrupting herself mid-sentence, Megyn declared, “This is interesting for me. I did it [co-hosting] once seven years ago”: Placing both her palms on her stomach, she chuckled, “But, never pregnant!”

Pointing to Megyn’s baby bump in reply, Steve smilingly jested, “Now you’re curvy to go with the couch!” Grinning jauntily, Megyn replied, “Now, I’m curvy, right! You’ve got a curvy anchor to go on the curvy couch!”

Vintage Megyn Kelly: serious news–with her saucy take. Lawyer journo GQ “hot”!

[Author's aside: For Megyn's AL announcement of her third-to-be, cf. here for video.]

Aly in Red: Naked Again!

Rocking and ringless anew? Sexy Fox & Friends Weekend co-anchor Alisyn Camerota guest-hosted America’s Newsroom in a state of connubial dishabille yesterday. Filling in for AN co-host Martha MacCallum (who also has had her own “ringless” AM moments), Aly sported a demure fire-red dress with tanned-nude high heels to match sans wedding band.* Sitting beside her co-anchor Bill Hemmer, a lovely Aly appeared unencumbered, embodying DeBurgh’s lovely lady in red.

As long-time F&FW fans may remember, Aly interrupted her five-month abdication of her throne in 2011 to guest-host F&F weekday on July 10, 2011. While doing so, the Bohemian beauty ditched her marital band and rocked out during Loverboy’s live rendition of “Working for the Weekend” in her “‘hep’ headband and a matching wristband” atop the shoulders of an appreciative co-anchor Brian Kilmeade.** Since Carpe Diem chronicled that festive event (Aly’s Back: She’s Rocking–& Ringless), she has dutifully adorned herself in her connubial bond to hubby Tim Lewis.

“Lady in Red”: naked again! Tethered or not, Aly’s never “shine(d) so bright.”

*America’s Newsroom – 03/27/13 (vid – 2:47/5:35)

**Fox & Friends – 06/10/11 (vid – 1:59/4:13)

“I’m Alisyn Camerota”: Gretchen Who?

“Gretchen is off this week and Aly is in her spot.” Thus, Fox & Friends co-anchor Steve Doocy explained yesterday the latest absence of co-host Gretchen Carlson, who has reportedly been haggling with FNC for her own show.*  However, today, without any mention of filling in for Gretchen, guest co-anchor Alisyn Camerota introduced herself at the start of each hour simply saying, “I’m Alisyn Camerota.” Noteworthy? Perhaps.

As Gretchen absences seem more and more oft, Fox & Friends fans may be forgiven for wondering if FNC Executive VP of Programming Bill Shine is auditioning vixens anew for the center seat on the curvy couch. Monday, Fox & Friends First co-host Ainsley Earhardt made an appearance; Tuesday, Anna Kooiman, the former F&FF co-anchor who has suddenly enjoyed a significant presence on F&F (corresponding with the one-year anniversary of the latest iteration of F&FF which she and Ainsley christened together).* Yesterday and today, Aly, the consummate center F&F curvy couch co-anchor, took “Gretchen’s place” not only without a hitch but took it up a notch as usual.

If Gretchen does leave her seat on the F&F shared sofa for her own FNC chair, it seems obvious that Aly would be the natural choice. But, Anna appears to be the “wild card”: She’s smart, beautiful, and, oh, so ENERGETIC–and F&F wants its viewers to get to know her better:  Lately, it has proudly showcased her on a very regular basis, e.g., as the sexy “turbo kicking” teacher [vid]; the sensual Cirque du Soleil acrobat; and as the fearless five-city reporter in search of an “honest man.”

Nevertheless, the author tends to think that the more seasoned Aly is and would continue to be a natural fit with the weekday A-Team of Steve and Brian Kilmeade. As for Anna? She certainly would serve as a sexy, sharp, spunky F&F Weekend co-host to contrast with the ever awkward Tucker Carlson and “tech geek” Clayton Morris if Aly moves up when Gretch moves out.

*Fox & Friends – 03/20/13 (@ 8:01 a.m. ET)

Nicoles’ Sexy “Stalk”: Janice’s Breathy Walk!

Saucy Dean apes sultry Petallides: Fox-y catwalk catfight? Playful FNC meteorologist Janice Dean made racy sport of her colleague FBN correspondent Nicole Petallides‘ “stalk walk” this morning to the great delight of Fox & Friends‘ co-hosts and its fans.

Less than five minutes after the always sensual Nicole gave her usual “walk-and-talk” business report (from the floor of the New York Stock exchange), a playful Janice appeared for her weather report outside the studio.* After her intro from F&F co-host Steve Doocy as the “Snowball Machine,” Janice remarked, “Now, Steve, Gretch [Carlson], and Brian [Kilmeade], I’m a big fan of Nicole Petallides’ stalk walk, you know when she walks and she talks about the stock. So…I think I’m going to do a weather walk: So, I’m going to talk about the weather while I walk.”  Raising her eyebrows wantonly, she purred, “Are you ready? Are you ready for this?”

Excitedly, Gretchen interposed, “Oh, my gosh!”

Pulling back her shoulders, Janice began to sexily sashay down the F&F veranda. As Steve giggled and Gretchen cackled, Janice breathily began to give her weather report. Joining in the bawdy fun, producers suddenly started to play stereotypical sexploitation music (a la Shaft‘s theme): Naughtily, an off-cam Steve teased, “Janice, how would you describe the voice you’re using right now?”

Staying in character, an undaunted Janice continued her rutty strut, cooing, “It’s my weather walk voice!” As an appreciative Steve laughed, an even more impressed Gretchen intoned, “Oh, my gosh! This is fantastic!” As Janice beamed broadly, a randy Brian interjected, “By the way, Ted on camera is going to need a shower after this segment!”

Bowing after her bravo performance, Janice declared, “There’s my weather walk everybody!” Smiling, Steve said, “Very nicely done! Pioneering a new aspect on Fox & Friends!” Chiming in, Gretchen added, “Janice, you realize [that] we’re going to expect that everyday now!”

Enthusiastically, Janice answered, “Fantastic! It’s the only time I’m going to get exercise.”

As the segment ended, Brian pronounced, “So, that’s the weather walk. Nicole will have her answer at some point, I’m sure.”

Indeed. And, assuredly, the gammy Greek goddess’ votaries eagerly await that answer to the cheeky Canadian’s challenge.

Until then, kudos, Janice! And, encore! Encore!

*Fox & Friends – 02/28/13 (@ 8:38 a.m. ET)

Gretch’s Valentine Secret: “Not…For Broadcast!”

“Everyone’s going to have a good Valentine’s Day but me now.” Oops! Fox & Friends du jour “Dr. Love” Marc Siegel let co-anchor Gretchen Carlson‘s off-air romance remark about her hubby Casey Close out of the bag this morning–much to her chagrin. Poor Casey!

In the segment about medical love myths, Gretchen asked Dr. Siegel whether “love at first sight” exists.* After he had declared that it does indeed, co-host Brian Kilmeade interjected, asking if nature was thereby drawing men and women together to procreate. Emphatically, Dr. Siegel asserted, “Absolutely true, within the first couple of seconds!” Elaborating, perhaps, a mite too much, he declared, “It’s not all over after that….Well, you guys…told me you didn’t really love at first sight.” Pointing to Gretchen, Dr. Siegel added, “You didn’t have love at first sight with Casey, you told me.”

Her face reddening to match her dress, a chagrinned Gretchen chuckled, “Oh! Excuse me! That was not necessarily for broadcast.” Looking into the camera as if at her hubby, she fervently declared, “I love you, Honey! Happy Valentine’s Day!” Turning to Brian, she laughed, “Suddenly, this segment’s taking a totally different turn.”

As the segment ended, Gretchen remarked, “Everyone is going to have a good Valentine’s Day except for me now….I hope he’s still sleeping!” Trying to make it up to her man, she explained, “He is a fantastic husband…We, we met on a blind date. It was love at first sight–on the third date!”

“Casey at bat”: With Gretchen, he was “close” but he didn’t strike out!

*Fox & Friends – 02/14/13 (@ 6:23 a.m. ET)

Gretchen’s Joke Falls Flat: “Can You Hear Me?”

Brian: “Yeah, I can.” Today, Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson ribbed her co-anchor Brian Kilmeade about “one of [his] favorite spies…Anna Chapman“–and Brian was not amused. So much so that he ignored Gretchen–to her chagrin. And, the former Miss America is not fond of such a lese-majeste: But, today, she had to sit back on her curvy couch “throne” and brook it.

Mid-show this morn, as producers ran footage of Victoria’s Secret models saucily sashaying down the catwalk and sexily posing for the camera, Gretchen read the headline story entitled, “‘Don’t Be a Plain Jane’: Feds Train Workers to Improve Their Looks” (re a DIA presentation encouraging female employees to don makeup, wear skirts, and paint their nails).  Segueing to a split-screen Brian (co-anchoring from the Big Easy post Super Bowl), Gretchen jested, “Now, Brian, I know that…one of your favorite spies ever was Anna Chapman from Russia. And, she tended to dress up in a skirt, makeup, and used probably some nail polish.”

As Gretchen spoke, Brian, frowning, looked straight ahead at the camera. When Gretchen had finished, Brian looked down at his notes instead of replying. Befuddled at his non-response, Gretchen asked, “Can you hear me?” Looking up without a smile, Brian replied, “Yeah, I can. I, I just never fell for her, her trap. I do believe there is a bigger story there and you know that.”  Embarrassed, Gretchen gulped hard, pursed her lips, and nodded her head repeatedly. With a slight smile, Brian continued,” And, everyone just because she’s hot and has a nice body people kind of fell for it. But, I believe the Russians are still here.”

Russians? Yesteryear, they were red: Today, Gretchen was.

Fox & Friends - 02/04/13 – 7:37 a.m. ET

Brian “Kill-mead”: Governor “Bobby Kindel”

Sandra Lee’s special sauce at fault? Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade imbibed the New Orleans experience, perhaps, too literally this morning. During an F&F Sandra Lee Super Bowl snack segment at the New Orleans Convention Center this morning, Brian sampled Lee’s Bloody Mary, perhaps, as a “hair of the dog” delight after his foray onto Bourbon Street last night. Subsequently–or consequently, he thereafter mangled Lee’s apparent sponsor LG TV calling it LD TV. Not surprisingly, Lee responded by giving him apt grief for his gaffe: Furthermore, when Brian tossed back to his co-anchors, Steve Doocy ribbed him all the more about his drinking and his faux pas.

Obviously, a good swig of demon rum will not normally muddle one’s mind. However, Brian seemed to be suffering from some  lingering effect this afternoon before his interview of Louisiana’s governor, Bobby Jindal. Tweeting from outside the gubernatorial abode, Brian declared, “Heading in to gov mansion to intv Bobby Kindel @foxandfriends http://yfrog.com/mg4ybqsj.” After getting ribbed by his Tweeps about his obvious error (including the author), Brian did not respond: Rather, once the interview had concluded, he generically Tweeted, “Great 25 min with the Governor. Could not have been more upbeat and optimistic @foxandfriends http://yfrog.com/kj3wpuhj.”

Guess Governor Jindal pardoned Brian for his lese-majeste in the spirit of Mardi Gras. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

[Author's aside: "Kill-mead" is a not so subtle reference to the preferred intoxicant enjoyed in Beowulf.]

Cheryl Casone: “You’re So Bad! You’re So Bad!”

Brian Kilmeade: “Everyone remembers their first Scholtzsky’s sandwich!” Puckish Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade made sexy FBN anchor and triathlete Cheryl Casone blush this morning (on F&F during her regular “Jobs in America” report). Just one jest: that’s all it took.

During Cheryl’s report on companies that were hiring in the United States, she cited Dallas-based Schlotzky’s, ad-libbing that she once lived in Dallas and that she had had her first Schotzky’s sandwich there. At the end of that portion of her report, Brian bawdily interjected, “Everyone remembers their first Scholtzsky’s sandwich!”*

Appearing to take Brian’s risque remark literally, Cheryl shrugged, chuckling, “Pretty good!” However, after Cheryl’s segment had ended (and Brian had teased an upcoming Laura Ingraham interview), Cheryl seemed to have got Brian’s double entendre all too well. After Ingraham’s pic appeared onscreen, the camera returned to Cheryl and Brian: As Brian stood up, a still sitting Cheryl looked up at Brian and shook her head.

Reddening, she mouthed, “You’re so bad! You’re so bad!” Beaming, Brian reached out to Cheryl with his right hand as if to explain his impish tease. Flushed but smiling, Cheryl playfully smacked her naughty boy on the arm with her papers. Grinning, an unchastened Brian walked away with a goatish glint in his eye.

*Fox & Friends – 01/29/13 (@ 7:55 a.m. ET)

[Author's aside: If the reader is unfamiliar with the more salacious meanings of sandwich, s/he may want to consult the Urban Dictionary: Link here.]

F&FW 2013: Tucker Time? Shhh!

Alisyn Camerota, Clayton Morris–and Tucker Carlson? With nary a word Saturday, Fox & Friends Weekend producers seemed to be sneaking Daily Caller co-founder Tucker Carlson into their permanent co-anchor roster to replace recently departed Dave Briggs. Only a week earlier, co-host Alisyn Camerota told Tucker that he was enduring a “sort of hazing” that F&FW did to its “new co-anchors” (when he had to brave an automaton’s emetic expectoration during a “Fighting the Flu” segment).

Yesterday, at the start of each hour, instead of the usual presentation of all three co-hosts by one of the permanent ones, Tucker, Aly, and Clayton uttered not a syllable of introduction. Rather, they let their individual chyrons do the talking, “Tucker Carlson, Alisyn Camerota, [and] Clayton Morris” as if to indicate all three co-hosts, including Tucker, were now equals in a new F&FW iteration. In an apparent attempt to distract their long-time viewers from these new odd introductory voids, respectively, they discursively discussed, Aly’s being “slaphappy,” Aly’s “beloved assistant,” Andrew Dice Clay‘s F&FW intro, and Clayton’s at-home “Superman” garb.

Since Dave left the show on New Year’s Eve 2012, Tucker has taken on his mantle without fail in the New Year 2013. The only exception has been F&F‘s January 20 special edition when FNC  “scrambled” their F&F “A-Team” co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade to join Aly for Inauguration coverage a la 2009.*

F&FW 2013? Apparently, it’s now Tucker time!

*F&FW – 01/20/13 (@ 8:15 a.m.) – [Referring to himself, Steve, and Aly, Brian remarked, "That fact (Vice President Biden's swearing-in) does not elude...Bret Baier who is scrambled on a Sunday like us because of [this] historic day in Washington.” (Italics added for emphasis.)]

Heather’s Virgin Vacation: Best Birthday Ever :)

“Thanks @tzb3.” Throwing caution to the winds, Fox & Friends First co-host Heather Childers shared her daily diary and personal pictures with her Tweeps as she took a rapturous romp in the Virgin Islands with her apparent beau @tzb3. From the time that  she and her honey left Charlotte, North Carolina, Heather regaled her followers with photos of her island destination (St. Thomas), with her sublime experiences (wading in the surf, greeting the sunrise, dining shore-side, catching the St. Thomas – St. John Ferry, imbibing her balcony rainbow, and basking in the Baths), and with a few sexy bikini pics to boot (1, 2).

Yes, Heather can hang with her shapely Fox & Friends First colleagues Ainsley Earhardt and Anna Kooiman (and alums of the same South Carolina elementary school). Surely, Ainsley caught Jay Leno’s eye when her derriere was ogled seemingly by former F&FW co-host Dave Briggs and Anna snared the attention of F&F co-anchors Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy with her “booty shaking” morning dance: But, Heather has now brought her own sexy Southern touch to FNC by sharing the ambiance, aesthetics, and allure of her Caribbean birthday bash with her own fervid fans.

Heather heat: Hot Child-ers in the City!

[Author's aside: Re "Best birthday ever :) Thanks @tzb3" in title, supra, cf. Heather's "Sparkling lights of #StThomas!" post."]

F&FF’s Old Turkey: “Scrambled Up!”

Finally, thrown out? Thankfully, Fox & Friends First‘s awkward “Scrambled Up” signature sign-off seems to have surceased around Thanksgiving. After almost a month of its absence as the segue segment from F&FF to Fox & Friends, it seems safe to say that it has run its course. Now, there is no toss from F&FF co-hosts to their F&F counterparts: instead of the usual hand-off, the F&FF co-anchors crisply conclude their show and simply announce that F&F is next.

For FNC fans who have dreaded the tortured toss exchanges between the F&FF co-hosts and their Fox & Friends colleagues, the change is a welcome one. The F&FF ladies (Ainsley Earhardt, Heather Childers, Heather Nauert, and Patti Ann Browne) no longer have to play second fiddle to F&F diva Gretchen Carlson or her boys, Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy. In fact, they don’t have to play at all with their seemingly scornful sibs who appeared to disdain playing the “Scrambled Up!” jumble with their  F&FF “little sisters.”

Apparently, Ainz, PAB, and the two Heathers are all grown up now–and on their own. At last.

Aly: “Steve & Brian Here with Me”

Gretchen: Hey, everyone! I’m…in for Shep today. Aly at Fox & Friends’ helm soon? Today, FNC anchor Alisyn Camerota was in charge of the F&F “A Team” as F&F Weekend covered the Connecticut school carnage. After a special weekend edition of F&F First, Aly welcomed her audience and the F&F “big boys,” saying, “Good morning, everyone! We appreciate you joining us on this very sad morning. It’s great to have Steve [Doocy] and Brian [Kilmeade] here with me.”

Remarkably, Aly did not note the absence of either of her regular F&FW co-hosts Clayton Morris or Dave Briggs. Furthermore, in this Fox & Friends “special edition,” Aly did not mention her purported “A Team” counterpart Gretchen Carlson, who was conspicuously missing this morning. Has the changing of the F&F “A Team” guard already begun?

Only two days ago, seldom solo host Gretchen notably filled in for Shepard Smith on Studio B, an FNC afternoon show (saying, “Hello, everyone! I’m…in for Shep today”):* Perhaps, her contract negotiations have begun to bear more fruit. According to New York Magazine, Gretchen was “said to want to host her own show on the network but Fox executives [were] resistant to the idea”: furthermore, it reported that a source had said that she had reached a “short-term accord that would keep her on the curvy couch with Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade until the election” but added that “after November, it’s unclear.”

Perhaps, tellingly, Gretchen has seemed to be particularly strident in her polemics lately–as if she might be auditioning for “her own show.” And, her co-hosts Steve and Brian appear reluctantly to be biting their tongue all the more. Perchance, they think that she is starting to spread her wings in anticipation of a flight on her own soon to a later hour on FNC.

Post-election F&F: Gretch a goner? If so, is Aly their new “It girl”? Stay tuned.

*Studio B with Shepard Smith – 12/13/12 (@ 3:00 a.m. ET)

Gretchen’s Cups: “I’m Still a Woman!”

Carlson: “When I woke up this morning and took a shower and I looked down, I still had to put a bra on!” To paraphrase Shania Twain, Fox & Friends anchor Gretchen Carlson feels like a woman! She needs her cups and her F&F boys, Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy, need their cups, too.

For Gretchen’s male admirers who may feel like F&F‘s “alpha bitch” is always kvetching a bit too much, she seemed to turn up the heat for them Wednesday. As the show started with a tease for a “new website helping you find love at the airport,” Gretchen cooed, “I hate to bring it up so early in the morning but there have been a lot of jokes about hooking up on airplanes.” Feigning innocence, she said, “You know, there’s that club so I’m just wondering if that’s what they’re talking about with this dating site.” Chuckling racily, she added, “If you’re married, you’re going to hate this dating site because there could be a lot of other kind of hookups with married people traveling.”

An hour later, when the second F&F hour began, Brian “innocently” promoted a similarly salacious segment, saying, “It’s the story you’ll be talking about all day. More and more men say they’ll never get married because women aren’t women anymore….Gretchen’s gonna punch me in a second.”

In response, Gretchen remarked, “Not at all!” Smiling saucily, she elaborated, “I just think it’s a provocative conversation because when I woke up this morning and took a shower and I looked down…I still had to put a bra on.” When her co-host Steve Doocy joked, “Fox News Alert!,” Gretchen racily riposted, “I’m still a woman….And, I love being a woman. And I, I absolutely love my feminine side!”

Always the wicked wag, Brian jested, “And Steve and I looked down and we didn’t put on bras. So, we know we’re men!”

Laughing, Gretchen bawdily  responded, “You put on a cup!” Beaming, Brian retorted, “Yeah, yeah, absolutely! Because this is a tough business we’ve chosen! Grinning, Steve answered, “You’ve got that right!” Naughtily, Gretchen concluded, “You should just wear it just in case: That’s why I wear the underwire [bra].”

As Steve segued to his more “naive” son Peter Doocy for the next segment, Gretchen lustily laughed, “I know you’re chuckling, Peter, because you didn’t hear any of that first part of the conversation. Did you?” Smiling, Peter answered, “No, I heard it! But, we’re just going to, I’m just going to keep it going.”

Chiming in deftly, Steve exclaimed, “Good idea!” No rubbing Gretchen’s toes for Peter today!

F&F Cat Spat: Gretch “Slimes” the Two Heathers

Nauert: “She’s wrong for once.” Fox & Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson got rather perturbed at her fellow FNC blonde colleagues, F&F First co-hosts Heather Nauert and Heather Childers, for correcting her on air yesterday. In the “Scrambled Up!” segue (consisting of the jumbled letters of a word from a story in the show) from the early F&FF to F&F, Gretchen usually has found it frustrating and daunting: But, Monday she sat smug and confident before the two Heathers’ toss (of the letters, “m,” “l,” “e,” “i,” and “s”). Just not for long.

After F&FF‘s penultimate segment concluded, “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” segment, Nauert declared, “Okay, it’s time to get ‘Scrambled Up’ and Gretchen Carlson is here to help us.”

Grinning, Gretchen blurted, “I already know it: slime.”

“Slime?” queried Nauert, incredulously. Echoing her, Childers chimed, “Slime?”

Rolling her eyes at Gretchen’s answer, a smiling Nauert replied, “Noooo.”

After, possibly, getting the real answer in her ear, Gretchen rolled her shoulders, proclaiming, “It could be.” As Gretchen’s co-host Steve Doocy and Childers chorused “smile” in reply, Nauert charitably declared, “She’s wrong for once.”

Not willing to concedeto her F&F colleagues, Gretchen proudly insisted, “It could be slime.” Coming to her succor, Gretchen’s other co-host Brian Kilmeade inaccurately interjected, “It’s true.”

Looking through the camera at Gretchen with outstretched palms, Nauert confidently declared, “It’s ‘smile’!”

Mimicking Nauert’s body language, Gretchen defiantly shouted, “It could be ‘slime’!”

Compliantly, Nauert’s co-host Childers concurred, “It could have been ‘slime’”: Less deferential to her F&F elder, a seemingly sarcastic Nauert laughed, “It could be. Yes, yes. Very good, Gretchen!”

Having secured her possibly Pyrrhic victory for the moment, Gretchen riposted, “Okay. But, I’ll smile when I say it. Thanks, ladies!”

After that cat spat ended (and as F&FF ended and F&F began), Brian aptly asked, “Was slime in the show, though?” Ignoring his clear implication that she was wrong (since the answer has to have a word in the show itself), Gretchen blithely proclaimed, “That may be the first time that we’ve had a word that could be two words.”

[Author's aside: Actually, Gretchen was right that the answer could have been two words: However, "slime" was not one of them. Both "smile" and "miles" were contained within the subtitles of F&FF stories (consecutive ones) less than ten minutes before "Scrambled Up": "Smiles Not Always Contagious: Bosses Grin at Those Lower in Pecking Order" and "By the Numbers: 24 Miles, 4 Minutes, and 834 MPH" (about the space dive of "Fearless Felix").*]

*Fox & Friends First – 10/15/12 (@ 5:51 a.m. ET)

Judge Napolitano: “[Biden] What a Jackass!”

Fox & Friends‘ Steve Doocy: “Whoa! How do you really feel!” Fox News senior judicial analyst Judge Andrew Napolitano was NOT impressed with Vice President Joe Biden’s performance last night. And, he was more than happy to express it in no uncertain terms this morning on Fox & Friends.

As Judge Napolitano finished his legal segment on F&F this morning (with co-hosts Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson, and Brian Kilmeade), he grumbled, “Listen, after watching the Yankees and Biden last night, oh, my goodness!”* [Italics added for emphasis.]

In explanation to any of his viewers who may not have known the results of the MLB playoff game, Brian replied, “Yankees lost and now there’ll be a game five tonight.”

Grousing, Judge Napolitano replied, “Yes, unfortunately! Biden lost, too. What a jackass! What a jackass!”

As Gretchen eyes widened in shock at the Judge’s assessment of the Vice President, Steve rejoined, “Whoa! How do you really feel!”

Similarly surprised, a beaming Brian chuckled, “Wow!”

Subsequently, a buzzer sounded, seemingly signaling the producers apparent discomfort with the Judge’s epithet. In response, Gretchen exclaimed, “And, that’s how we end the segment!”

As the Judge laughed uproariously, a still incredulous Gretchen concluded, “Thanks very much, Judge!”

“Wow!” Indeed.

*Fox & Friends – 10/12/12 (@ 6:41 a.m. ET)

Update: Segment vid via Mediaite (@ 02:23/02:38).

Maria Molina: Cosmo’s Caliente Latina!

“Funny, smart, and stylish,” too. FNC weatherwoman Marina Molina puts the fox into Fox News and, to boot, she rocks the “hot job of the week” according to Cosmopolitan for Latinas. In her flattering profile, the sexy twenty-five-year-old Columbia-grad student provides her bona fides (FSU alum with both a Meteorology degree and AccuWeather work experience); revels in her Nicaraguan roots (“the people, the food, the culture”); and reveals the key to her success (persistence and hard work). Perhaps, she forgot to mention being a universal hottie does not hurt either.

Of course, Cosmo seems somewhat tardy in their recognition of the comely meteorological replacement of FNC’s Italian dish Domenica Davis: Carpe Diem celebrated the debut of Maria on FNC’s Fox & Friends Weekend (to the delight of co-host Dave Briggs) approximately two years ago. Not to mention, CD subsequently reported on the smoldering Maria’s heating up of the Fox & Friends weekday version as well (even sans photos for co-anchor Brian Kilmeade) Whether Maria is tempting her viewers by going “bust” (or “naked”) or simply teasing them with her subliminal “phallic” map, CD has been there to provide her devoted votaries the delicious details.

Maria Molina: a Cosmo Latina? Helen Gurley Brown would be proud!

H/t J$P.

Gretchen Gets Punked: “Fun with Perverts”

Brian: “I think he was vacuous and drunk.” Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson got “punked” this morning by University of Texas at Austin student Max Rice, seemingly. In a segment ironically entitled “Boomerang Generation Votes,” Gretchen touted him as an unemployed college graduate who had moved in with his parents and portrayed him as an Obama voter who may have changed his mind on the President. Instead of hitting President Obama with this Boomerang voter, Gretchen herself got suckered instead by an apparent young wannabe comedian who styles himself as a gonzo journalist.

After Gretchen wished him a good morning, Rice animatedly answered, “Well, hello, Miss, Miss U.S.A.: It’s an honor!” Rolling her eyes at his misnomer, a slightly agitated Gretchen stammered, “Uh, Miss America [1989] but, but, but close enough.” Grinning, a goofy Rice replied, “Miss America! Miss Universe, in my book, in my book.” Smiling, Gretchen responded, “Oh, okay. Well, well thank you very much.”

Turning serious, Gretchen stated, “Now, tell me your story. You believed in the  “hope and change” of President Obama…so you voted for him….[T]ell me about the next three-and-a-half years.”

Grabbing his Starbucks coffee cup for an insouciant on-camera swig, Rice implausibly declared, “Oh, I was a huge Obama supporter in 2008. I met him in third grade. I met him when I was little.”

Arching her eyebrows, Gretchen asked, “Okay. And, why now are you supporting Mitt Romney?”

Shaking his head, Rice remarked, “Uh, why am I supporting Mitt Romney? It’s actually a funny story: I lost a basketball game to a friend of mine, Alex Dern, who’s a huge supporter of this show.”

Pursing her lips with apparent annoyance, Gretchen replied, “Okay, so it sounds like your not being very serious about this.”

Seeming to realize that his apparent gig was almost up, Rice quickly responded, “I’m also disappointed in the direction that Obama is taking this nation: But, yeah, I will be casting my ballot for Mitt Romney!”

Quizzically, Gretch queried, “And, is it true that you had to go back and live with your parents after you graduated from college?”

Cagily, Rice replied, “Oh, yeah. After I went to college for a bit, I had to absolutely go back and live with my parents this summer. I’m back on my own, independent. I’m on national TV….It’s an honor.”

Her skepticism renewed, Gretchen asked, “Okay. Well, are you being serious about this interview or not?” With a mischievous grin, he answered, “Yeah! I can’t see your face right now: this is so weird.” Smiling, Gretchen sweetly answered, “Alright, actually we’re going to wrap this up right now because I’m not so sure that you’re actually being totally serious about the interview.”

Reluctant to give up his proverbial “fifteen minutes of fame,” Rice demanded, “Oh, we are? I am. Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait.” Chuckling, she responded, “I’m not so sure that you’re ready for prime time yet, with this interview.”

As a still hopeful Rice’s shot ended and before she teased the second hour, Gretchen charitably remarked, “Alright, we’re gonna give Max another chance, maybe, when he’s ready to do the interview.”

When Gretchen and her co-hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy returned from commercial break, Gretchen laughed, “Usually, Brian gets assigned those interviews….I remember the interviews that you’ve done with kids who didn’t have much to say: In this case, I got a big kid that didn’t have much to say in that last [block].” Sweetly, she added, “I feel sorry for this guy; I don’t know him; [and] maybe, he didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Acerbically, Brian remarked, “I think [that] he was vacuous and drunk, personally. He probably doesn’t have a lot to say on his best day! And, this was probably his worst day.”

Author’s aside: It F&F had vetted Max Rice a mite more, Brian, he does have a lot to say. And, to put it politely, some of it is not very nice. The 2010 Senior Class President at New Trier High School‘s graduation speech (1,2) and stand-up comedy routines (1,2) would have provided a clue. Not to mention, a simple perusal of younghotmeat‘s cruel YouTube video series “Fun with Perverts”  should have put an immediate kibosh on any thought of such an interview with Rice.

*Fox & Friends – 09/17/12 (@ 6:54 a.m. ET)

Update: Vid via TVNewser (within article by Alex Weprin).

[Author's aside: Weprin gives Mediaite a "hat tip" in his main article for noting that Rice was "snarky." But, he fails to give another to Carpe Diem in his later update for noting that Rice is a "wannabe" stand-up comedian [supra]. He nonchalantly claims, “After about three minutes of Googling, it looks at though Rice is a (wannabe?) stand up comedian.” Guess Weprin should Google before his writes a piece or just check “Carpe Diem” for the rest of the story.]

Update 2: According to the Washington Examiner, FNC Executive VP of Programming Bill Shine addressed Gretch’s punking, saying, “We are still examining the situation but it will be addressed with the appropriate parties involved.” In genteel terms, someone is going to the woodshed at best for that inexplicable blunder.

Update 3 (correction and addendum): As the author indicated, supra, Rice is no college graduate: However, he is no longer enrolled at the University of Texas at Austin. Rather, he is now a matriculate at Columbia College in Chicago according to the Washington Post. Of his dubious brush with fame, Rice remarked, “Anyone can say what they want as long as they realize that [Fox & Friends is] a sham and it’s wrong….I’ve always hated Fox & Friends.” H/t J$P (and Chicago Sun-Times).